Red lily

nineteen

HE HAD HER bundled in a blanket from neck to toe, and sat behind her on the bed drying her hair with a towel.

“I don’t remember getting up. I don’t remember going out.”

“Are you warm enough?”

“Yeah.” Except for the sheen of ice inside her bones. She wondered if any heat would ever reach that deep in her again. “I don’t know how long I was out there.”

“You’re back now.”

She reached back, laid a hand over his. He needed warmth and comfort as much as she did. “You found me.”

He pressed a kiss to her damp hair. “I always will.”

“You took Lily’s monitor.” And that, she thought, meant even more. “You remembered to take it. You didn’t leave her alone.”

“Hayley.” He wrapped his arms around her, pressed his cheek to hers. “I won’t leave either of you alone.” Then laid a hand on her belly. “Any of you. I swear it.”

“I know. She doesn’t believe in promises, or faith, or love. I do. I believe in us, with everything I’ve got.” She turned her head so her lips could brush his. “I didn’t always, but I do now. I have everything. She has nothing.”

“You can feel sorry for her? After this? After everything?”

“I don’t know what I feel for her. Or about her.” It felt so wonderful to be able to lean her head back, rest it on his good, strong shoulder. “I thought I understood her, at least a little. We were both in a kind of similar situation. I mean, getting pregnant, and not wanting the baby at first.”

“You’re nothing alike.”

“Harper, erase the personalities, and your feelings for just a minute. Look at it objectively, like you do at work. Look at the situation. We were both unmarried and pregnant. Not loving the father, not wanting to see our lives changed, burdened even. Then coming to want the baby. In different ways, for different reasons, but coming to want the baby so much.”

“Different ways and different reasons,” he repeated. “But all right, I can see that, on the surface, there’s a pattern.”

The door opened. Roz came in with a tray. “I’m not going to disturb you. Harper, you see that she drinks this.” After setting the tray at the foot of the bed, Roz skirted around to the side. She took Hayley’s face in her hand, kissed her cheek. “You get some rest.”

Harper reached out, took Roz’s hand for a moment. “Thanks, Mama.”

“You need anything, you call.”

“She didn’t have anyone to take care of her,” Hayley said quietly when the door closed behind Roz. “No one to care about her.”

“Who did she care about? Who did she care for? Obsession isn’t caring,” he added before Hayley could speak. He eased away to get up, pour the tea. “What was done to her sucked big-time. No argument, no debate. But you know what? There aren’t any heroes in her sad story.”

“There should be. There should always be heroes. But no.” She took the tea. “She wasn’t heroic. Not even tragic, like Juliet. She’s just sad. And bitter.”

“Calculating,” he added. “And crazy.”

“That, too. She wouldn’t have understood you. I think I know her well enough now to be sure of that. She wouldn’t have understood your heart, or your honesty. That’s sad, too.”

He walked to the doors. He was getting the soaker he’d wished for and could stand there, watch the earth drink in the rain.

“She was always sad.” He reached inside, beyond his anger and found the pity. “I could see it even when I was a kid, and she’d be in my room, singing. Sad and lost. Still I felt safe with her, the way you do when you’re with someone you know cares about you. She cared, on some level, for me, for my brothers. I guess that has to count for something.”

“She still cares, I feel that. She just gets confused. Harper, I can’t remember.”

She lowered the cup, and emotion swam into her eyes. “Not like I could the other times it happened. I could see, at least a part of me could. I don’t know how to explain. But this time, it’s mixed up, and I can’t see. Not all of it. Why was she going into the ballroom? What did she do there?”

He wanted to tell her to relax, not to think. But how could she? Instead he came back, sat by her. “You went to the carriage house. You must have. The door was open, and I could see where you’d walked back to the kitchen. The floor was wet.”

“That’s where she went that night, the night she died here. She had to have died here that night. Nothing else makes sense. We saw her that time, you and me. Standing out on the terrace, wet and muddy. She had a rope.”

“There could’ve been rope in the carriage house. Probably was.”

“Why would she need a rope to get the baby? To tie up the nursemaid?”

“I don’t think that’s why she wanted rope.”

“She had that sickle thing, too.” Bright and gleaming, she remembered. Sharp. “Maybe she was going to kill anyone who tried to stop her. But the rope. What would she do with rope besides tie somebody up?”

Her eyes widened and she set the cup down with a rattle when she read the look in his eyes.

“Oh my God. To kill herself? To hang herself, is that what you’re thinking? But why? Why would she come all the way out here? Why would she drag herself through the rain, and hang herself in the ballroom?”

“The nursery was on the third floor back then.”

What little color had come back into her cheeks drained again. “The nursery.”

No, she thought as the image played in her mind, she might never be truly warm again.

ON HER DAYS off, Hayley was used to the hours flying by. The time was so crowded with chores—shopping, laundry, organizing what had gotten disorganized during workdays, caring for Lily and the myriad tasks that turned up—she barely remembered what it was like to have what those who didn’t have full-time jobs and a toddler called free time.

Who knew she liked it that way?

Finding herself with time on her hands left her feeling broody and restless. But when the boss ordered you to take the day off, there was no arguing. At least not when the boss was Rosalind Harper.

She’d been banished to Stella’s house for the day without even Lily as a distraction. She’d been told to rest, and she’d tried. Really she had. But her usual delight in reading didn’t satisfy her; the stack of DVDs Stella had handed her didn’t entertain, and the quiet, empty house kept her counting the minutes rather than lulling her into a nap.

She passed some of the time roaming the rooms, rooms she’d helped paint. Stella and Logan had turned it into a home, mixing Stella’s flair for detail and style with Logan’s sense of space. And the boys, of course, she thought as she paused outside of the room Gavin and Luke shared with its bunk beds and shelves loaded with comic books and trucks. It was a home created with children in mind, lots of light and color, the big yard that bumped right up to kiss the woods. Even with the elegance of gardens—and how could the landscaping be anything but beautiful here—it was a yard where kids and a dog could romp around.

She picked up Parker—the dog had been her only company through the day—and nuzzled him as she walked back downstairs.

Would she be as clever as Stella with a home and family? As loving and smart and sane?

She’d never planned it this way. Stella was the one for plans. She’d just cruised along, happy enough with her job at the bookstore, helping her father tend the little house they shared. Now and again she’d thought about taking a few extra classes in business—to prepare for the vague dream of opening her own bookstore. One day.

She’d thought about falling in love—one day. Most girls did, she imagined. But she hadn’t been in any hurry for it, for the big love, and what followed. Permanency, home, kids. The whole minivan, soccer-mom routine had been distant as the moon in her head. Years off. Light-years off.

But things had happened that had pushed her in directions she’d never expected to go. So here she was, not yet twenty-six, pregnant with her second child, working in a field she’d known next to nothing about two years before.

And so stupidly in love she was all but breathing valentines.

Just to ice that cake, a cryptic and certainly psychopathic spirit had decided to borrow her body from time to time.

When Parker wiggled, she set him down, then followed him into the kitchen where he parked himself by the back door and stared holes through it.

“Okay, okay, out you go. Guess I’m not the most sparkling company today.”

She let him out, and he pranced across the yard, into the woods as if he had an appointment to keep.

She wandered out herself. It was a pretty day. The rain had freshened things, cooled the air a little. She could take a walk, do some weeding. Or she could stretch out on the patio chaise and see if being outdoors was more conducive to napping.

Without much hope, she cocked the chair back, thought about going back in for a book. And was asleep in minutes.

SHE WOKE A little fuzzy in the brain to the sound of snoring. Baffled, she pressed a hand to her mouth, but the sound continued. There was a light cotton throw tossed over her, and the table umbrella had been cocked to shade her.

The snoring came from Parker who was flopped on his back beside her chaise, his feet straight up in the air so he looked like a toy dog that had been knocked off its perch.

Her life might’ve been strange at the moment, but she didn’t think a dog could have moved the umbrella or brought her a blanket.

Even as she cleared sleep from her throat and pushed herself up, Stella came out the back door bearing two glasses of iced tea.

“Nice nap?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I slept through it. Thanks,” she added as she took a glass of tea. “What time . . . Wow.” She blinked at her own watch. “I was out for almost two hours.”

“Glad to hear it. You look better.”

“I hope to God. Where are the kids?”

“Logan picked them up after school. They like going to jobs with him. Gorgeous out, isn’t it? The perfect day for drinking tea on the patio.”

“Everything okay at the nursery? This kind of weather brings people in.”

“And it did. We were busy. Look at those crepe myrtles. I love this yard,” she said with a sigh.

“You and Logan have done an amazing job. I was thinking that before. What a good team you are.”

“Turns out. Who’d have thought a cranky disorganized know-it-all and an anal-retentive overachiever could find true love and happiness?”

“I did. Right from the start.”

“I suppose you did. Smartie. Have you eaten?”

“I wasn’t really hungry.”

Stella wagged a finger. “Somebody in there might be. I’m going to fix you a sandwich.”

“Don’t fuss, Stella.”

“PB and J?”

With a shake of her head, Hayley gave in. “No fair. You know my weaknesses.”

“Sit right there. The fresh air’s good for you. I’ll be back in a minute.”

True to her word, Stella was back not only with the sandwich, but a sprig of purple grapes, bite-size wedges of cheese. And a half a dozen Milano cookies.

Hayley looked at the plate on her lap, then up at Stella. “Will you be my mommy?”

With a laugh, Stella sat on the chaise at Hayley’s feet. And began to rub them in a way that had every muscle in Hayley’s body sighing in relief. “One of my favorite things about being pregnant was getting pampered once in a while.”

“Missed that the first few months the first time out.”

“So, you’ll make up for it with this one.” Stella patted Hayley’s leg. “How you feeling—gestating-wise?”

“Good. Tired, you know, and up and down on the emotional scale, but pretty good. Better now,” she added after another bite of the sandwich. “And I hate admitting that—a long nap, comfort food, it’s doing the job. I’m going to take care of myself, Stella, I promise. I was careful carrying Lily, and I’ll be careful this time, too.”

“I know you will. Besides, nobody’s going to give you a choice.”

“I get . . .” She moved her shoulders restlessly. “Funny when everybody’s worried about me.”

“Then you’ll have to get funny, because we can’t help it. Not with everything that’s going on.”

“Last night, it was so . . . I’ve used all the words before. Strong, strange, bizarre, intense. But this was the most of all of them. Stella, I didn’t tell Harper everything. I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t tell him what I felt. He’d wig, the way guys do. I’m counting on you not to.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s a feeling—and I don’t know if it’s just stress or if it’s real. But I feel. Stella, she wants the baby. This baby.” Hayley pressed a hand to her belly.

“How—”

“She can’t. No power on this earth, no power anywhere, is strong enough to push me aside. You know, because you’ve had a child inside you. Harper, he’d freak.”

“Explain this to me, so I don’t.”

“She gets mixed up is the best way I can explain it. From the here and now, to back in her own time. She wavers back and forth. When she’s in the now, she wants what I have. This child, the life, the body. Even more, wealth and privilege. She wants the sensations and the payoff. Do you understand?”

“All right, yes.”

“She’s much more frightening, much more selfish when her mind’s in the now. When it’s back, when she’s caught up in what happened to her, it’s like it is happening. Then she’s just angry and vindictive, so she wants someone to pay for what happened to her. Or she’s sad, and pitiable, and she just wants it all to stop. She’s tired. Harper thinks she committed suicide.”

“I know. We talked a little.”

“He thinks she hanged herself in the nursery. Right there while the baby slept. She could’ve done it. She was lost and crazy enough to have done it.”

“I know that, too.” Stella rose, walked to the edge of the patio to look out over the yard. “I’ve been having dreams again.”

“What? When?”

“Not here, not at night. Daydreams, you could say. At work. On Harper ground. Images like before of the dahlia. The blue dahlia. Only it’s monstrous. That’s how she wants me to see it. Petals like razors, waiting to slice your fingers to ribbons if you touch it. It’s not growing out of a garden this time.” She turned back; met Hayley’s eyes. “But out of a grave. Unmarked, black dirt. The dahlia is the only thing that grows there.”

“When did they start?”

“A few days ago.”

“Do you think Roz has had them, too?”

“We’ll need to ask her.”

“Stella, we have to go up to the old nursery.”

“Yes.” She walked back, took the hand Hayley held out to her. “We will.”

IT WAS EASY to talk without men when the announced activity was wedding planning. Men, Hayley noted, scattered like ants when terms like guest lists and color schemes were mentioned.

So they were able to sit on Stella’s patio in the balm of the evening with Lily being passed from one pair of arms to another, or playing in the grass with Parker.

“I didn’t think it would be so easy to chase Harper off,” Hayley complained. “You’d think he’d want some input into the wedding plans. He’s getting married, too.”

Roz and Stella exchanged amused looks before Roz reached over, patted Hayley’s hand. “Sweet, foolish child.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter, since that’s not what we’re doing. But still.” Annoyed with herself, Hayley waved her hands. “Anyway. Amelia’s been messing with you, too.”

“Twice,” Roz confirmed. “Both times when I was alone in the propagation house. I’d be working, and then I’d be somewhere else. It’s dark, too dark to tell where, and cold. Very cold. I’m standing over an open grave. When I look down I see her, looking back at me. Her hands are clasped over the stem of a black rose. Or it looks black in the dark.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Stella demanded.

“The same could be asked of you. I intended to tell you, and did tell Mitch. But we’ve had a few major distractions.”

Hayley hauled Lily onto her lap and admired the thick plastic bracelet she played with. “I know that when this first started and I suggested a seance everybody thought it was a joke. But maybe we should try it. The three of us have this connection to her. Maybe if we tried, really tried to communicate, she’d tell us what she wants.”

“I’m not pulling out the turban and crystal ball anytime soon,” Roz said, definitely. “In any case, I don’t think she knows. By that, I mean she wants to be found—and I think she means her grave, or her remains. But she doesn’t know where it is.”

“We can’t be a hundred percent certain it’s on Harper property,” Stella put in.

“No, we can’t. Mitch is doing all he can to find death records, burial records. We don’t think there are any for her.”

“A secret burial.” Hayley nodded. “But she always wants us to know what happened to her. It still pisses her off.” She shrugged, smiled a little. “It’s one of the things I get, pretty loud and clear. If she was killed, or killed herself, in the house, we need to find out.”

“The nursery,” Roz stated. “It was still in use when I was born.”

“You stayed up there when you were a baby?” Hayley asked.

“So I’m told. At least for the first few months, with the nursemaid. My grandmother didn’t approve, Grandmama Harper. Apparently she’d only used it when they were entertaining. She used her considerable influence on my parents until they moved me to a room on the second floor. I never used it for my boys.”

“Why?”

Roz pursed her lips and thought over Hayley’s question. “First, I didn’t want them that far away from me. And yes, I didn’t like the feel of the room. Something I couldn’t explain, and didn’t think about that much at the time.”

“The furniture in Lily’s room came from there.”

“Yes. Once Mason was out of the crib, I had everything taken back up. I took to storing the boys’ things in there when they outgrew them. We don’t use the third floor as a rule. It’s too costly to maintain, and more space than we can practically use. Though I have had parties in the ballroom in the past.”

“I’d never been up there,” Hayley commented. “Which is strange now that I think about it, because I like going through houses, seeing how they look, picturing them the way they were, that kind of thing. But I never even thought of going up there in all the time I’ve lived in the house. Stella?”

“No, and you’re right, it is odd. The boys had the run of the house for more than a year. You’d think I’d have had to chase them down from there at some point. But I don’t think they ever went up either. Even if they did it in secret, Luke would’ve spilled. He always does.”

“I think we should.” Hayley looked from one to the other. “I think we have to.”

“Tonight?” Stella asked.

“I don’t think I can stand to wait. It’s driving me crazy.”

“If that’s what we’re going to do, we’ll all do it together. The six of us,” Roz said. “Not the children. David can keep them downstairs. You have to be sure, Hayley. At this point it seems, of all of us, you’re the closest to her.”

“I am sure. But not just me, which is something else I wanted to bring up. Harper. Her feelings for him, about him.” A little chilled, Hayley rubbed her arms. “They’re awfully mixed, and potent. She loves him—the child of the child of the child sort of thing. And she hates him—a man, a Harper man, Reginald’s blood.”

She looked at Stella, at Roz. “That combination of feelings, it’s powerful. I think maybe more powerful because of the way Harper and I feel about each other.”

“Love, sex, kinship, vengeance, grief.” Roz nodded. “And insanity.”

“His feelings about her are pretty mixed, too.” Hayley let out a breath. “I don’t know if that matters, but I think all of it, at this point, everything’s important. I think we must be getting close to the end of it.”

“Hallelujah,” Stella announced.

“I know. I want this over. I want to really plan a wedding, and plan for this baby. I want to sit here with the two of you and talk about flowers and music and the kind of dress I’m going to wear.”

Roz covered Hayley’s hand with hers. “We will.”

“Last night, before it happened, it was like I was imagining it, seeing myself in a long white dress and the flowers . . . But I guess that’s out.” She gave a half shrug as she patted her belly. “I don’t guess I’m entitled to a long white dress.”

“Honey.” Roz gave Hayley’s hand a quick squeeze. “Every bride’s entitled to a long white dress.”

FOOD CAME FIRST, a family meal, the kind of ritual that brought them all together where flowers were set and children chattered. Roz had said such things were important, and Hayley could see the purpose of it.

This is who we are, it seemed to say. What we are and what we’ll be regardless of trouble. Maybe because of it.

She’d been given this, this family. A mother, a sister, a lover, brothers and friends. A child who was loved by them, and another child to come.

Whatever it took to keep it whole and safe, she would do.

So she ate. She talked and listened, helped wipe up spills, and buried her nerves under the treasure of normality.

There was talk of flowers and books, of school and books. And here was the talk of wedding plans she’d pined for.

“I guess Hayley told you we’d like to get married here, if that suits you, Mama.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Roz set her fork aside. “In the gardens? We’ll insist the weather stay fine, and have tents as a backup. I intend to roll up my sleeves regarding the flowers. I insist you give me my head there. You’ll want lilies, I expect.”

“Yes. I want to carry red lilies.”

“Bold colors then, toss the pastels. I can work with that. I know you don’t want anything too formal, and since we’ve had two weddings already this year, I think we can iron out the details without much pain and suffering.”

“Step away now,” Logan advised Harper. “Save yourself. Just say, ‘That sounds fine.’ And if they give you two choices in anything, don’t fall into the trap. Just say, ‘They’re both great,’ and tell her to pick.”

“He thinks he’s being funny,” Stella said dryly. “I’m not kicking him under the table because he’s right.”

“How come everybody’s getting married?” Gavin demanded. “How come we always have to wear ties?”

“Because they like to torture us,” Logan told him. “It’s the way of women.”

“They should have to wear ties, too.”

“I’ll wear a tie,” Stella offered. “You wear high heels.”

“I know why people get married,” Luke piped up. “So they can sleep in the same bed and make babies. Did you and Mitch make a baby yet?” he asked Roz.

“We already made our quota some time ago. And on that note.” Roz pushed away from the table. “I think it’s time for you boys to help David clear this up so you can have ice cream in the kitchen.”

“All right, troops. Fall in. You, too, Private.” Before Hayley could deal with it herself, David moved over to take Lily out of the high chair. “Just because you’re short, doesn’t mean you can skate out of KP. She likes to help me load the dishwasher,” he said to Hayley. “We’re fine.”

“I just need to talk to you for one minute in the kitchen.”

“Clear and stack, gentlemen,” he ordered, then carried Lily out of the dining room. “We got this end covered,” he said to Hayley. “You don’t need to worry.”

“No, that’s not it. I know Lily’s fine with you. It’s about the wedding. I need to ask you for something.”

He set Lily down, gave her a pot and a spoon to bang. “What do you need?”

“I know this might sound sort of strange, but I think you get to tailor a day like your wedding day to suit you best, don’t you?”

“If not that day, what day?”

“That’s right. So I was wondering, I was hoping, you’d give me away.”

“What?” David’s face went utterly blank. “Me?”

“I know you’re not old enough to be my daddy, or anything. But I wasn’t thinking about it that way. I was thinking how you’re one of my best friends, and Harper’s, too. How we’re like family. And how a day like that’s about family. I don’t have my daddy, or any blood kin I love the way I love you. So I want you to walk me down the aisle—so to speak—and give me to Harper. It would mean a lot to me.”

His eyes went misty as he wrapped his arms around her. “That’s the sweetest thing,” he crooned. “The damnedest sweetest thing.”

“Will you?”

He drew back. “I would be honored.” Taking both her hands, he turned them over, kissed her palms. “Extremely.”

“Whew. I thought you might think it was silly.”

“Not even close. I’m so proud, and touched. And, honey, if you don’t go on now, I’m going to embarrass myself in front of my troops.”

“Me, too.” She sniffled. “Okay. We’ll talk about all of it later on.” She crouched down to kiss Lily’s head, and was largely ignored. “You be good, baby girl.”

“Hayley.” David drew a breath as she stopped at the door. “Your daddy? He’d be proud, too.”

The best she could manage was a nod as she left him.

She brushed away tears as she followed the voices in the parlor, then paused when she heard the temper in Harper’s.

“I don’t like this idea, not one bit. And I like less the fact that the three of you were off plotting this on your own.”

“We womenfolk,” Roz said with a sarcasm that dripped so heavy Hayley could feel its weight outside the room.

“The fact that you are women isn’t any of my doing,” he shot back. “But the fact that my woman is pregnant is. I don’t take chances on this.”

“All right, you have a valid point. But what do you intend to do with her for the next seven, eight months, honey?”

“Protect her.”

“You do make it hard to argue.”

“Arguing isn’t going to help.” Mitch’s voice of reason cut between them. “We can discuss and debate, and we’re unlikely to be in full agreement on all points. But we do have to come to some decisions.”

Hayley straightened her spine, and stepped into the room. “I’m sorry. Hard not to overhear. Harper, I was going to ask if we could go outside so I could talk to you, but I think what I have to say needs to be said here, to everyone.”

“I’ve got some things to say you might rather hear in private.”

She only smiled. “There’ll be plenty of time for you to yell at me in private. A lifetime of it. I know you kept it buttoned till now because of the kids. But I’d like you to hear me out before you say anything more.”

She cleared her throat and moved farther into the room. “Earlier today, when I was alone, I was wondering how I’d gotten here. I’d never figured on moving away from where I grew up, having a couple of kids before I figured out where I really wanted to go, really wanted to do. Getting married, having babies, that was going to be later, after I’d made something of myself, had some fun. Here I am, living in another state. I’ve got a daughter not yet two and another baby on the way. I’m getting married. I’m working in a field I never thought about being in before. How’d I get here? What am I doing here?”

“If you’re not happy—”

“Please, just listen. I asked myself that. I’ve still got choices. There are always choices. So I asked myself, is this what I want, is this where I want to be, what I want to do? And it is. I love you. I didn’t know I had all this in me.”

She kept her eyes on Harper’s, only on Harper’s and crossed her hands over her heart. “I didn’t know I could love a child the way I do Lily. I didn’t know I could love a man the way I love you. If I had every choice in the world, this is the one I’d pick. Being with you, with our children, in this place. Because you see that’s one more thing, Harper. I love this house, I love this place. As much as you do. What it is, what it stands for, what it’ll be to our children, and theirs.”

“I know. My mind traveled that same road. That’s why you’re the one for me.

“I can’t walk away from here. Please don’t ask me to do that. I can’t walk away from this house, this family, the work I’ve come to love. The only way I can stay is to try to do this thing, to settle this. Right a wrong, or at least understand it. Maybe I was meant to. Maybe we found each other because we were meant to. I don’t know if I can do it if you’re not with me.” She scanned the room. “All of you.”

Then she looked at Harper. “Be with me, Harper. Trust me to do what’s right. Trust us to do it.”

He stepped to her, rested his brow on hers. “I am with you.”