Red Roses Mean Love

Chapter 21

He heard the weeping as soon as he neared her bedchamber. Stephen knocked softly, but when his knock went unanswered, he gently turned the knob. The door was unlocked. He let himself into the room, closing the door behind him.

Hayley stood by the window, her back to him, her face buried in her hands.

Her quiet sobs shattered his heart. "Hayley."

With a startled sound she turned around, her drenched eyes widening with shock. She wiped away her tears, with shaking fingers. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to return your gift."

She stared at the clothes for a moment, then her face hardened and she turned her back. "I told you I cannot accept your gift. Now, please leave."

He placed the bundle on a chair. "You've already accepted it."

"That was before," she said in a tight voice.

"Yes," Stephen agreed, coming to stand directly behind her. "That was before I behaved like an ass. Before I ignored you. Before I hurt you." He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. She resisted him at first, but he applied firm pressure until she finally turned. Although she faced him, she continued to stare at the floor.

"Look at me, Hayley." Placing his fingers under her chin, he lifted her face. Tears had left silver tracks down her creamy cheeks, and her eyes were awash with a fresh supply.

His throat tightened as a single tear traveled down her face. "I behaved badly this evening. Please forgive me. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

She took a deep breath and swallowed. "I don't understand," she whispered in a shaking voice. "Why did you go to her?" A broken sob escaped her throat. "I wore a proper gown. I dressed my hair, behaved in a proper manner. Yet I still wasn't good enough. What is wrong with me?"

A tortured sigh escaped him and he gathered her into his arms, burying his face in her soft, rose-scented hair.

"Hayley… Hayley," he whispered against her ear. "God. There is nothing wrong with you. You're the most extraordinary woman I've ever known. You're sweet and kind and generous…"He pulled back and cradled her face between his hands, gently brushing away her tears with his thumbs. "You're an angel. I swear to God, you're an angel."

"Then why-"

"I was thinking of you, of your happiness. I didn't want to spoil your chances with Popplepuss."

"Popplemore."

"Indeed." His gaze probed hers and he forced himself to say the words he knew would hurt her. "We both know I have to leave here. Soon." Dear God. If you only knew how soon.

"I know," she whispered.

"I didn't want to spoil your chances with another man. Trust me when I say the effort nearly killed me. I wanted to be with you, Hayley. I swear it. Lorelei Smythe cannot hold a candle to you." He shook his head. "The first time in my life I acted in a noble manner and I made a royal mess of things."

"Did you… kiss her?"

"No. I had absolutely no desire to kiss her." Relief swept through him when some of the pain faded from her eyes.

"Let me see if I understand you correctly. You wanted to be with me, but you wished to behave nobly by stepping aside and allowing Jeremy to pay attention to me because you're leaving Halstead soon and you didn't want to interfere with my chance for happiness with another man." She looked at him, her brows raised questioningly. "Is that correct?"

"That just about sums it up, yes."

She shook her head. "Good heavens, what a convoluted plan. How did you ever concoct such a ridiculous scheme?"

"It seemed like a capital idea at the time," Stephen murmured. "In fact, it might very well have worked, except for one thing."

"What is that?"

He took her hands and raised them to his lips, tasting the salty tears clinging to her fingertips. "Every time Popplepart touched you, every time he looked at you, spoke to you, I wanted to throttle the bastard."

"Popplemore."

"Indeed. It was all I could do not to cross the room, pick him up by his scrawny throat and fling him into the punch bowl."

Her eyes grew round. "Truly?"

Stephen nodded solemnly. "Truly." Knowing he was playing with fire but unable to stop himself, he kissed her fingers and touched his tongue to her rose-scented skin. Stop it! Tell her you're leaving. Tell her now and get out of her bedchamber. Before it's too late. Before you do something you'll both regret.

"Then would you … would you consider staying?"

He slowly raised his gaze to hers. Her cheeks burned with color, and her eyes, still damp with tears, were huge aqua pools reflecting a heartbreaking combination of uncertainty and hope. "What?"

"If that's truly the way you feel, then don't leave Halstead. You can seek a position in the village, or somewhere nearby as a tutor. If all else fails, I'll hire you to tutor the boys and Callie." A hesitant smile trembled on her lips. "The children are all very fond of you, and Aunt Olivia thinks the sun rises and sets on you alone. You've even managed to charm Pierre, not an easy feat, let me assure you. We all want you to stay." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I want you to stay."

Stephen stared at her, robbed of speech. Why hadn't he anticipated that she'd ask him to stay? As far as she knew, he could work anywhere, so why not Halstead? Jesus, what a mess he'd made of things. He had to tell her immediately that there was no chance he could do what she asked.

"Hayley, I-"

"I love you, Stephen."

The softly spoken sentiment rammed into Stephen, cutting off his words, all his thoughts entirely, eliminating his ability to breathe. Completely. Irrevocably. He looked at her, and clearly saw the words reflected in her gaze.

She loved him.

This wonderful, unselfish, beautiful angel loved him. He felt like a royal bastard. What was he going to do now?

"Hayley, I must tell you-"

She placed a single fingertip over his lips, cutting off his words. "I didn't tell you so you'd feel obligated to say it back. I told you because I simply couldn't hold it in any longer. And I wanted you to know, to absolutely know without a doubt, that I want you to stay. And if you do stay, you will always be a welcome part of our family."

A huge lump lodged itself smack in the middle of Stephen's throat. He tried to clear it away, but it remained firmly in place, like a lump of dry breadcrumbs. He closed his eyes and fought to control the battle raging inside him between his noble intentions and his desires. If he didn't get away from her quickly, he knew which one would claim victory. But it was impassible to think with her words echoing through him. I love you, Stephen. I love you, Stephen.

He didn't deserve her love. Jesus, she didn't even know who he really was. She was in love with Stephen Barrettson, gentleman tutor. She'd turn away from him in disgust if she knew he'd lied to her all this time-that he was really a dissolute nobleman with a string of paramours, a superficial excuse for a family, and a killer after him. The thought of her ever looking at him with disgust in her eyes, the trust and love fading from her gaze to be replaced with dislike, made Stephen ache with a hurt that sliced him in two.

He had to do what was best for her. No matter how much it cost him.

Drawing a deep breath, he resolutely took her by the shoulders. Looking into her eyes, he prayed she would see the depth of his regret. "Hayley. I have nothing to offer you. I can't give you the things you deserve. The things I want for you. As much as I want to, I cannot."

His words drained the shimmers of fragile hope from her eyes, extinguishing the gentle longing, leaving emptiness where want had trembled only moments ago. Her hurt sawed at his insides like a dull blade.

Pulling away from him, she walked to the window and stared out into the black night. He stared at her straight back, and it took every last ounce of strength he possessed not to go to her, to take her in his arms. Make her his own.

When she finally turned to face him, her fingers were knitted together and her gaze remained steadfastly downcast. "I understand. Please forgive my shocking forwardness. Obviously you do not want…"Her voice trailed off and she squeezed her eyes shut.

The sight of her, crushed and humiliated, destroyed him, shattering him from the inside out. He closed the space between them in two long strides and gripped her shoulders. "Do not want? Do not want?" He drew a ragged breath and a mirthless laugh escaped his throat. "God Almighty, Hayley, I want you so badly, I'm shaking. I want you so much I can't sleep at night. I ache for you all the time."

He captured her hand and dragged it to the front of his breeches, pressing her palm against the hard ridge of flesh there. "That is how much I want you. Constantly. Whatever else you think, don't ever think I don't want you."

Hayley froze, the heat of Stephen's manhood pulsing against her palm. Emotions battered her from all sides, like a ship caught in a hurricane's fury. He wanted her. Not in the same way she wanted him, but the evidence of his desire for her was real and unmistakable. And so very compelling.

Her mind rebelled against her yearnings, screaming that she had so much to lose, so much to risk. Her reputation, her family's respect. What if she became pregnant?

Yet her heart simply would not be denied. She was six and twenty years old. In all those years she'd been many things. A sister, daughter, friend, nurse, caregiver.

But she'd never been a woman.

She looked into his beautiful eyes, so stormy with restrained passion, intense with a need she never dreamed she could inspire in a man. She could no more walk away from him, from the burning sensual promise emanating from his very skin, than she could pull the moon from the sky.

She wanted to experience that passion, and at no one else's hands but his.

Stephen studied her flushed face and nearly dropped to his knees by what he read in her eyes. That single look sealed her fate.

Raw sensation swept through him, and he consigned his conscience to the devil. He crushed her to him, his mouth plundering hers, his tongue demanding entrance to her warm mouth. He feared his intensity might frighten her, but she welcomed his kiss, twining her fingers through his hair, rising up on tiptoes to press herself against him. Every part of her fit him perfectly, all her peaks and valleys fitting against his as if the gods had fashioned them expressly for each other. His arms tightened around her, yet he could not seem to get her close enough. He wanted to simply absorb her into himself, into his very skin. Into his very soul.

His lips blazed a warm trail down her slim throat, his head filled with the intoxicating scent of roses and the sound of her throaty moans. He lifted his head when his lips reached the neckline of her nightgown.

Staring into her eyes, Stephen slowly unbuttoned the gown to her waist, his fingers trembling but never faltering. When he finished, he parted the material, sliding it over her shoulders and down her arms. He let go and the gown sank into a puddle around her ankles.

His gaze dropped and his breath caught in his throat. She was incredible. Absolutely perfect.

Her full breasts stood proud, their coral peaks hardening under his intense stare. Her small waist flared to round hips, tapering down to long, slender legs. The sight of the chestnut triangle of curls at the apex of her thighs threatened to obliterate whatever control he imagined he still possessed. Taking her hands, he twined their fingers together.

"You're beautiful, Hayley. So incredibly beautiful."

His heart felt swollen. Exposed. Unfamiliar emotions bombarded him, plummeting from all sides. She stood before him, tall and proud, but her huge eyes and the rapid rise and fall of her chest betrayed her nervousness.

Disentangling their fingers, he ran his hands up her arms, over her shoulders and down her back. He lowered his head and kissed her, slowly, with lingering tenderness, coaxing her to relax. His tongue lightly traced her lips, savoring her, teasing her until she melted against him and wound her arms around his neck.

He seduced her slowly, with his mouth and hands, wanting to make this experience everything she wanted. Everything she deserved. Angels deserved heaven, and for this one precious night he was going to give it to her, or die trying.

Trailing his hands up and down her back, from her shoulders to her buttocks, his fingers caressed her soft skin. She squirmed against him, her breathing erratic, her breathy sighs the most erotic sounds he'd ever heard.

When his palms caressed the sides of her breasts, he reveled in her quick intake of breath. Leaning back enough to watch her, he feathered his thumbs lightly over her nipples. She rewarded him with a gasp of delight.

Filling his palms with her sensitive flesh, he teased her with his fingers, then lowered his head, flicking his tongue over her erect nipples. She exhaled a long, deep sigh, and tunneled her fingers through his hair, bringing his head into more intimate contact with her breasts.

Stephen laved her nipple, his tongue gently rubbing her, then drew the aching peak into his mouth and suckled. His lips moved back and forth, alternating breasts, until her moans commingled into one long, heartfelt murmur of pleasure.

He ran one hand down her body, his fingers entangling in the soft curls between her thighs. "Spread your legs for me, Hayley."

She obeyed and he caressed her wetness, separating the swollen folds of womanly flesh. Flesh no one but him had ever touched. Flesh that was already hot and wet. For him. A rush of possessiveness hit him like a brick to his head. This woman was his. Only his. He gently slipped a finger inside her, groaning when her velvety walls clutched him.

Her eyes slid shut and she clung to his shoulders. "Stephen," she whispered.

The sight of her flushed face, her lips moist and reddened from his kiss, the feel of her warmth surrounding his finger snapped his control. He wanted, needed, her hands on him. All over him. Wanted them skin to skin. Now. He quickly stripped off his clothes, then stood perfectly still before her, allowing her eyes to take in all of him, giving her time to look her fill. Her gaze drifted slowly up and down his body, and he gritted his teeth, aching for her touch but allowing her the time she needed … until he couldn't stand it for another second.

"Touch me, Hayley."

Uncertainty flickered in her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Just … touch me. Feel how much I want you." Reaching out, he guided her hands to his chest.

She splayed her fingers beneath his. "Your heart is pounding," she whispered. "And your skin is so hot."

He lowered his hands to his sides. "Don't be afraid."

She glided her palms across him, tentatively at first, then more boldly, running over his shoulders and back. His muscles bunched and contracted beneath her delicate, unpracticed touch, driving him mad. When her hands drifted lower, to brush across his abdomen, he couldn't hold back his groan.

Her hands stilled. "Did I hurt you?"

You're bloody killing me. "No, angel. Don't stop."

Clearly emboldened by his response, she ran her hands over him again and again. Stephen endured the sweet torture, knowing that any agony he suffered was well worth the bloom and wonder of sensual discovery lighting her eyes. When she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his chest, he sucked in a sharp breath and clenched his hands into fists.

"Do you like that?"

"God. Yes."

A feminine smile curved her lips. She kissed her way slowly across his chest, igniting his skin until it seemed an inferno burned inside him. When she flicked her tongue over his nipple, he couldn't stand the delicious torment any longer.

Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to the bed and laid her gently on the counterpane. He was about to lie beside her when he stilled, transfixed by her expression. Sensual awareness, mixed with curiosity and newfound feminine power, all shimmered in her eyes. She rose to her knees, her gaze wandering slowly over him, head to foot, then riveting on his manhood.

On her knees, she moved to the edge of the bed, her eyes fastened on that part of him that was close to bursting with need.

Aroused beyond bearing by her ardent gaze, he took her hand and guided it to himself. "Touch me, Hayley. Don't be afraid."

Kneeling before him, hesitant and so beautiful he could barely stand it, she gently touched the tip of his arousal with her index finger. His moan echoed in the quiet room. Never in his life had he been reduced to such a state by a mere whisper of a touch. He would die if she continued. He would die if she stopped.

"Touch me again," he commanded in a raw voice. "Don't stop."

She brushed her fingers over the length of him, and he gritted his teeth against the incredible sensation. When she wrapped her fingers around him and gently squeezed, his heart stalled. She rubbed her hand over him several more times, until he caught her wrist. If he didn't stop her, he stood in danger of spilling himself into her palm. And that was not what he wanted. It wasn't what either of them wanted. He couldn't wait much longer.

Pushing her gently back, he lay half over her, gazing down into her luminous eyes. "This will probably hurt-"

"You could never hurt me, Stephen." Leaning up, she kissed his mouth, and hot need replaced all thoughts of conversation. Settling himself between her thighs, he entered her gently, a bit at a time, until he reached the barrier. He tried to gently probe past it, but that proved futile. His only two choices were to retreat or press on.

Retreating was not an option.

He grabbed her by the hips. "I don't want to hurt you," he gritted out.

"I don't care," she breathed.

She pushed herself up just as Stephen bore himself down, and together they broke the slim barrier that separated the girl from the woman.

Stephen rested his forehead against Hayley's and held himself perfectly still. Or as still as his ragged breathing and pounding heart would allow. Jesus. She was so warm and so tight. Like a velvet glove squeezing him in a pulsing fist.

Sweat broke out on his forehead in his effort to remain still and allow her to become accustomed to the feel of him. "Are you all right?" he rasped.

"I've never been better. Is there more, or is this it?"

Stephen raised his head and looked down into her eyes. He could not stop the half-grin that quirked his lips.

"There's more."

She wound her arms around his neck and squirmed beneath him. "Show me. I want to know everything."

Hesitating no longer, he began moving slowly within her, withdrawing nearly all the way, only to sink fully inside her once again. He kept his gaze locked on her, mesmerized by the play of emotions flitting across her expressive face. He quickened his thrusts, his arms trembling under his weight, determined to bring her to pleasure before he found his own release.

He watched the pressure build in her. She clutched at his shoulders, meeting his thrusts, her breathing choppy. When her climax claimed her, she threw her head back and dug her fingers into his skin.

"Stephen. Oh my …Stephen…"

She moaned his name over and over. Stephen watched her pleasure overtake her, his eyes and ears devouring her uninhibited response. Her contractions squeezed at him, driving him over the edge. Thrusting into her again, he spilled his seed deep inside her, losing a piece of himself, of his soul, to her.

When his spasms finally receded, he gathered her in his arms and rolled their bodies onto their sides, still intimately joined. He buried his face in her tousled curls and breathed deeply, filling his head with the soft scent of roses, and the musky scent of their lovemaking.

She snuggled against him and pressed a gentle kiss on his neck.

Stephen felt her kiss and drew his head back until their eyes met. Her gaze was filled with languorous warmth. She looked like a woman who had just been well loved.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked quietly.

"Only for a moment. After that, it was…"Her voice trailed off into a rapturous sigh.

He ran a single finger down the bridge of her nose. "It was what?"

"Indescribable. Incredible." A teasing gleam lit her eyes. "Are you looking for praise, Stephen?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No. I know how wonderful it was. I was right there with you."

"Yes, you were." A frown puckered her brow. "I'm not trying to pry, but I assume this was not the first time you've done …this. Am I correct?"

Wariness filled him. The last thing he wanted was to discuss his debauched past with Hayley. "Why do you want to know?"

"I was just wondering if it was always so wonderful. So magical. Since I've never done this before and have nothing to compare it to, I was hoping you would know."

Stephen thought briefly of his past experiences, the parade of beautiful women who had shared his bed. He couldn't recall half their names, and at the moment he couldn't picture the face of even one of them. They were all like him-selfish, pleasure-seeking nobles in search of nothing more than physical gratification.

"No, Hayley. It is not always this wonderful or magical. I've never known it to be this way."

"Then you have made love before," she said in a small voice. "I knew you must have. You undressed me with an ease that bespoke of great experience."

A vise squeezed his chest. To compare what he'd just shared with Hayley to his experiences with the women who'd preceded her disgusted him. There was no comparison, and he knew why. Neither his nor his partner's emotions, beyond physical attraction, had ever before been engaged.

"You're wrong, Hayley. Yes, I've bedded other women. But I have never made love to one." He cupped her face in his palm, and ran his thumb over her full bottom lip. "I've never made love before. Until now. Until you," he said, his voice filled with wonder, as if he could not believe the truth of his own words. But they were indeed true.

A tremulous smile curved her lips. "I love you, Stephen."

He closed his eyes and swallowed. "I know."

"Make love to me again."

Stephen opened his eyes and stared at her. "Again? Now?" Even as he thought it impossible, his manhood stirred to life.

A teasing sparkle twinkled in her gaze. "Can you think of a better time? I have a great deal to learn." She pursed her lips. "I thought you were a tutor. Perhaps I need another teacher?"

The thought of another man being with her like this, the image of Hayley lying beneath someone else, looking up at him with love-filled eyes, of her laughing and teasing with someone else, filled Stephen with such violent jealousy, he nearly choked on it. She was his, damn it. His angel. The rational part of him knew he had no right to feel that way, but he felt that way all the same. As if he would kill anyone who touched her.

Unable to reconcile his warring emotions, he dropped a hard kiss onto her mouth. "No. You don't need another teacher," he growled. Angry at himself, and unreasonably angry with her for making him feel so unsettled and unsure of himself, he flipped her over onto her back and plunged into her with one strong stroke.

"Stephen!"

"God, I'm sorry." What the hell was wrong with him? He'd just plunged into her with all the finesse of a randy schoolboy with his first woman. Christ. He'd probably split her in two. "Did I hurt you?"

A slow smile lit her face. "Have you noticed that we keep asking each other 'did I hurt you?'"

Stephen's frown eased. "Yes, I guess we do, but I suppose that's not unusual for new lovers, especially when one is a virgin."

"Was a virgin," she corrected with a wicked grin. Her face suddenly sobered. "I suppose I shouldn't be quite so happy about that. I should probably be appalled by my shocking behavior and kick you out of my bed. I seem to recall a lecture you gave me regarding my lack of propriety."

"Indeed?" He withdrew himself nearly all the way from her body, then plunged back into her silky warmth. "I cannot imagine what I was thinking."

"Oooh…" she breathed. "Luckily I am not in the least bit appalled and I have no intention of kicking you out of my bed."

"Thank God." He again withdrew, then buried himself to the hilt.

"I quite like what you said before," she whispered, her body moving beneath his.

Withdraw and plunge. "What did I say?"

"You said we were lovers. I like the sound of that."

He withdrew and plunged again.

"And the feel of that."

He bent his head and drew her taut nipple into his mouth, eliciting a long moan of pleasure from her. He sucked on her gently at first, increasing the pressure, stopping just before it became pain. Hayley thrashed beneath him, raising her hips to meet every one of his thrusts.

"Wrap your legs around my waist," he instructed in a tight voice.

She obeyed without hesitation, opening herself more fully to him. He rocked against her, his strokes growinglonger and stronger in length until she gasped his name.

Stephen thrust into her warmth, unable to control himself. Some force he couldn't explain had taken him over. His body moved involuntarily, in and out, faster and harder. Sweat beaded his brow and covered his back, slicking his skin. When he felt her velvet walls contract around him, he lost all semblance of control. He thrust into her again and again, mindless with passion, swamped in sensation. His release broke over him, the spasms incredibly strong. He plunged one last time, so powerfully he nearly drove them both into the wall.

When his manhood finally stopped jerking, he collapsed on top of her unable to move, barely able to breath. He knew he was probably crushing her, but God help him, he could not move a muscle.

Hayley wrapped her arms around his sweat-slick back, and sighed, snuggling closer to his chest. "I want to make love again," she whispered into his ear several minutes later.

If Stephen had been capable of smiling, he would have. Christ, the woman was going to kill him.

But what a bloody marvelous way to die.

SHAPE \* MERGEFORMAT