Rocky Mountain Angel

Chapter Nineteen

Gabe burned inside and he wasn’t sure what would put out the flames. All the frustrations, all the pain piled up, and he was slowly being crushed.

The saving grace was Allison’s presence, and even that he had no right to enjoy. Their relationship was a sham, a fake. Maybe comparable to what Jesse had done. She’d unwittingly used his desire to be there for others against him.

Yet he could have sworn something more was growing between them. He had to believe it. Had to cling to that hope.

Had to know, because waiting any longer was wrong. He wasn’t strong enough to let this one ride.

If it had been winter he would have lit the fire, just for something mundane to do with his hands. Instead, he found himself wandering the house. Moving things around. Adjusting chairs. Hell, he probably would have gone out and found a hole or two to dig if Allison hadn’t come up and wrapped herself around him.

She snuck her hands under his shirt, pressing her palms to his back. Her cheek resting on his chest. God, he felt as if she was drawing strength from him when she did that, and he didn’t have anything left to give right now.

Except, it was Allison, and he would always have something for her. He caught her head with a hand, stroked her hair. Pulled the strands over her shoulders and tangled his fingers in the soft mass.

His heart stopped racing, and when she tugged him toward the bedroom, he went.

She crawled on top of the covers and patted the space beside her. “Come here, Angel Boy.”

A snort escaped involuntarily. “I’m not great company right now.”

“I gave him hell.” Her eyes flashed. “Jesse, I mean.”

“I figured that’s what you were doing. You didn’t have to.”

She caught him by the chin. “I wanted to. And you stop it with that suffering-in-silence business. You don’t have to be quiet around me. Hell, you’ve heard me moan and groan and complain more than anyone. If you want to call your cousin a few bad names, I can take it.”

The sentiment was nice, but wasted. Jesse was right. Gabe rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “No use. It’s true. I do try to be a saint, and look at the results. I’m as fucked for trying to do good as not.”

Allison leaned over him, touching his face gently. “What’s wrong?”

Make or break time. He’d taunted Rafe to be brave enough to fix the things that needed fixing. Gabe stared into her concerned face and knew this had to change. It was time to move forward. Now he’d find out if it was with her or without.

“You remember my brother Michael?”

A flash of surprise lit her eyes. “Of course.”

“I think you’d already moved away when he died.”

She nodded. “I still heard. Paul was pretty tore up—the entire grade twelve class was.”

Gabe took another breath to brace himself. “It was my fault.”

Allison jerked. She sat upright and stared at him, confusion crossing her face. “I…hang on. I thought he got hit by a car.”

Gabe shuddered, throwing an arm over his eyes. He had to get to the end of this, but he couldn’t bear to watch her as he spoke. “He did. But it was my fault. I was supposed to go out celebrating with him that night. His eighteenth birthday had been only a few days earlier, and he wanted to hit the bars. The Angel Boy Colemans, painting the town red. He was so excited, in that way only he could get. He was like this light in the family, always joking around, making everyone happy.”

She grabbed hold of his free hand and gently stroked his fingers.

He was surprised she wasn’t running from the room in terror.

Gabe pushed forward. “He’d always looked up to me, and I had promised to take him out once he was legal. Big-brother shit, the older more mature twenty-one-year-old initiating the newbie. Rites of passage and all that. Only I called it off at the last minute.”

The pain flared again. If only he could turn back time and change his actions.

“Something came up?”

Oh God. “Had a girl I was seeing, and she’d promised me the moon that night. I ditched him to go out fooling around. It was nothing important, nothing I had to do so desperately. It was selfish and thinking of what I wanted, not what he needed. When he had too much to drink, I wasn’t there to stop him from wandering out into the road and getting hit.”

Allison crawled over top of him. Surprise made him move his arm as she leaned over and stared down into his face.

She had tears in her eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Easy to say, impossible to believe. “I could have stopped him. He would have whooped it up a little, but I would have prevented him from getting shitfaced. Could have driven him home, and he’d still be here. One minute he was alive, the next he was gone.”

In that moment their entire family changed.

She tugged on his shoulders. Gabe pulled himself to a sitting position. With her straddling his thighs, their faces were right in line with each other so she could peer straight into his eyes as she spoke. “Gabe Coleman. You don’t honestly believe you are responsible for your brother’s death.”

When he would have looked away, she tilted her head in warning.

He sighed. “We dealt with psychologists. The entire school had grief counsellors in, and one came to talk to the family. She told us how sometimes bad things happened to good people, and that life went on. I heard it, I get it. Doesn’t matter what I think, though, because everything changed. Ma lost her joy, Ben got mean and ugly. Rafe was only eight, and you know how hard losing family is when you’re a kid.”

She knew. Allison knew all too well what kind of pain it was to lose someone you loved.

She leaned forward and covered his mouth with hers. Briefly. Just a caress. Touched her forehead to his and spoke against his lips. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He breathed in her scent. The taste of her on the air. “I left after that, to hide from the pain and the blame. I was gone for a bunch of years before I realized I was running and there was nothing chasing me.”

“So you came back.”

“I came back because I loved the ranch, and I loved my ma. And…” He had to do it. Had to finish this. “I came back because Rafe asked me to.”

Allison lifted her head, the question clear on her face.

“He got drunk one night. Ben. Losing Michael tore him apart, and he started drinking. When I ran away I managed to avoid most of his mess, but one night he got liquored up enough he kind of lost his mind. He didn’t lay a finger on Ma or Rafe, but he smashed a bottle. A piece of glass flew out and hit my kid brother.”

She pressed her fingers to her lips, shock in her eyes. “The scar on his cheek?”

Gabe nodded. “I came home. Figured I could at least be a buffer between him and the others.”

“Oh, Gabe.”

“It worked. He stopped drinking as much because he gets some weird satisfaction out of telling me just how fucked up I am.”

Allison cupped his neck in her hands, eyes filled with moisture. “You came home to rescue them, and you’ve been doing it ever since.”

Nailed it. “Even, it seems, to people who don’t need saving.”

“Fuck Jesse.”

He couldn’t stop it. He snorted. “No, thanks.”

“You know what I mean.” She squeezed harder, fingers stroking the tight muscles at the top of his spine. “You’re a decent, kind man, and no matter what your motivations were to start with, if you weren’t a giving person deep down, you never would have tried to be there for others. Especially not for as long as you have.”

“You’re doing the same thing, you know. Trying to rescue your family.”

She nodded slowly. “When Dad died, I was torn between so many emotions. We were sad he was gone. That he’d never see us as grownups, never grow old with Mom. But I was relieved in a way, because he’d been in pain for so long, and he’d unknowingly made our lives tough during the years he was ill. And then the guilt hit for feeling relief. How could I be so selfish? Everything was all twisted and confusing for the longest time.”

Allison dragged her hand over his shoulders and down his chest, her nose wrinkling as if she was trying to figure out how to say something.

“What?” He was so achingly tired from it all, but worry for her and the need to find out more urged him on.

“When I came and asked you to help me. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

Gabe pressed his hand over hers, holding her palm against his chest. As good a time as any to see if he was going to get even more wrecked tonight. “I may have a reputation of being a bloody saint, but agreeing to help you? I’ll never regret it.”

“Really?” She blinked hard. “It was rude, and bossy, and totally controlling. You should have thrown me out from the start.”

“Maybe it was a little brash, but if you hadn’t decided to take the first steps, I never would have never fallen in love with you.”

Her heart stuttered to a stop. “What did you say?”

His eyes looked so haunted, but a hint of his smile tweaked the corner of his mouth. “Allison, I know it’s crazy, but having you around these past weeks has been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

The trickle of fear that had filled her as he’d shared had become a ball of ice as he told her more of the story. How could she possibly find the right words to explain that Jesse was wrong? That everyone who thought Gabe was a person to take advantage of was wrong.

And she’d felt the guilt hard at what she’d done.

Now, looking into his honest face, the ball of ice melted a little as hope lit a flame beneath her. “Oh, Gabe.”

He smiled. “‘Oh, Gabe, what the hell have you done?’ I know we started this thing as a ruse to fool your mom, and I’m totally on board doing whatever necessary to keep her happy. I want you to know it’s become more than an act for me. I like having you in my life.”

She swallowed hard. “I like it too. I…”

Was she in love with him? Could she even know right now with everything else ramping up her emotions?

Was he really in love with her or just saving her all over again?

He stroked her cheek with his finger. “Don’t rush. I don’t need you to say anything yet. Hell, if anything, maybe you shouldn’t say anything tonight, because I don’t want to push you into something you’re not sure about.”

“I pushed you into helping me,” she pointed out.

“Helping you was a given. I was already hooked by those big eyes and the sexy swing of your hips.”

She screwed up her courage and kissed him. Long and hard. Taking what she wanted. Giving what he needed. Trying to affirm without words that things were different, and she was good with the change.

She was breathless by the time he released her, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “Mmm, nice.”

Allison slowly undulated against him, rubbing their torsos together. “There’s more where that came from.”

Gabe lifted a brow. “You needing a bit of sexy cowboy? You want me to take off my shirt so you can touch my abs for a while?”

A gasp escaped. “Gabe Coleman, you were eavesdropping on me and my sister.”

“Course I was. Had to know if it was safe to come in. Didn’t think I’d be hearing about how you wanted to strip me down and take advantage of me.”

Oh, stripping him down was a fine idea. But that second part of what he’d said? “Sex isn’t why I want you. Just to be clear. You’re a good man—”

“You say that one more time and I’m going to feel as if they should put a halo over my picture when they hang it on the wall.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“I’m not a good man. I choose to do good things. There’s a difference.”

“Not in my books.”

If he could be brave, so could she.

“Gabe?”

He nuzzled her neck. “Umm?”

“I’ve been wanting this to be more than just something to make my mom happy. I’ve been hoping you were starting to want me. For me.”

The sheer joy in his face lit the room. “I want you. Not just want you, physically, although, oh, woman, you are very fine.”

She caught his hand and stared intently at him. The little flecks of gold in the green of his eyes sparkled like stars. He rolled her, covering her with his long hard body, and suddenly his expression had nothing to do with being angelically good.

“Let me make love to you.”

Even the way he said it sounded different. More intense, more meaningful.

She grabbed on to his shirt and jerked it loose from his jeans.

He helped her, she helped him. One article of clothing at a time, they stripped. When he dropped his shirt to the ground, she reached out and touched him. Pressing her fingers to his abs and tracing the rigid lines of his muscles. She kissed his collarbone, licked the hollow of his throat.

His hands were busy, pulling her top free, reaching around to unhook her bra. The warm air from the open window brushed her naked skin a second before his mouth covered her right breast, and she sighed with pleasure.

He licked and sucked, his other hand coming up to hold her left breast and tweak her nipple until the spot tingled and she squirmed against his mouth.

One side. The other. She wanted to undo his pants and continue the getting-naked part, but he wouldn’t let her, instead spreading her over the mattress and continuing to drive her crazy.

“I’ve rushed and rushed. Every time we’ve fooled around it seems my brain shuts down, and I’ve never stopped to savour you. Tonight? I’m in no hurry, so you just enjoy.”

Gabe kissed her then inched his lips along her throat as he returned to her breasts. Every touch, every lick, it was as if strings were attached from the sensitive tips to her core, and he tugged them again and again. She squeezed her legs together to try to get some pressure where she needed it most.

He dropped to her belly and played with the piercing there. She was wearing a tiny diamond chip, and as he tongued it, the heat of his breath fanned over her belly.

Bringing her up, taking her higher.

He kissed the centre of the butterfly on the crest of her hipbone. “It’s beautiful. They all are.”

The tiny butterflies she’d had inked on her body were therapeutic and made her smile every time she spotted them. “I needed something to show how I felt. The butterflies were a natural fit.”

He fell silent, fingers tracing the outline. “Incredible.”

“Life goes on. Changes. I wanted to celebrate that.”

Gabe shifted lower and touched her thigh where another of the brightly coloured creatures decorated her skin. He kissed the spot tenderly. “Inspiring.”

Then he covered her mound with his mouth, and she was the one being inspired. Long, slow, thorough licks followed. His tongue teasing through her folds, circling her clit. Plunging deep into her core. He clasped her thighs and pushed them up and out of his way, and dove in deeper.

Allison touched his head, dragging her fingertips over his scalp. His tongue drove her crazy, but touching him satisfied her like she’d never expected.

Sexual tension, physical responses. They were there, they hit just right, but it was in her mind that she felt it most. In her heart.

It was more than physical, stirring her deep inside.

He covered her clit and sucked lightly, tongue flicking against the sensitive spot until her tension rose so high she was ready to tip over. Ready, but needing something more. Just a touch to send her flying.

Gabe caught hold of her nipple. It still tingled from his earlier attentions, and as he increased his assault on her clit, he tweaked the tight point. She took off in a wonderful explosion, pleasure shooting over the barrier and setting free.

As the waves rocked her body, he kissed her intimately, slowing as the pulses slowed. Then he rolled her, rising behind her as he pressed his lips to the butterfly on her lower back. The one on her shoulder blade.

The tiny one at the base of her neck.

He licked her neckline. “I like this going-slower business.”

She had to agree. “Can you get naked, though? That would make the slow business even better, at least in my books.”

Gabe chuckled softly, moving away for a moment. Allison lay in boneless relaxation, wanting more, but satisfied as well.

It was a neat sensation.

Thinking of his words, his confession of wanting more? It was everything she wanted and dreamed of and feared at the same time.

Gabe returned, the mattress dipping under his weight. His warm body settling over top of hers, hard muscles tight to her back, hard length of his erection against her butt.

“Naked as commanded,” he whispered.

She twisted her head to the side and gave him her lips. Slowly they tangled tongues and explored each other. Gabe ran his hands over her shoulders and up to her wrists, circling them with his fingers and tugging her arms over her head.

He was full out lying on top of her. Protective. Like he was shielding her.

Her heart ached and was happy all at the same time. Gabe, her guardian angel.

She tried to move her hands, but he had them locked in position. “You planning on tying me up, cowboy?”

“Not today, but now that you mention it, I think we can arrange that.”

She shimmied her hips, attempting to rub against him. His cock was a solid weight pressed into her flesh. “You still planning on doing something with that tonight?”

“Hell, yeah. I was having fun watching you squirm, first.”

He rose off her, the heat and pressure of his possession easing, and she sighed. Her exhalation turned to a gasp as he raised her hips and buried his cock in her pussy.

“God, Allison.”

He gripped her hips tightly and thrust forward again. She was still chest-down to the mattress, arms extended overhead, and the angle he held her hips made him go deep. Filling her, expanding her with his girth. She grabbed on to the headboard and held on for dear life.

Only the wild ride she expected didn’t come. He rocked steadily, filling her completely. Groin meeting ass, his fingers bruising her hips. When he forced his thighs farther under hers, she held her breath, it felt so good. Different angle, different slide against her sheath. Teasing and tangling her pleasure into anticipation, and anticipation into need. He thrust in all the way then paused, bending over her and covering her with his body. Heated chest against her back, his arm slipped under her and wrapped around her waist.

“Let go of the bed,” he ordered.

Her fingers slipped from the wooden struts, and he lifted her torso, settling her in his lap. Her butt rested against his abs, and she was so damn full she was ready to burst.

He caught hold of her neck and sucked, both hands covering her breasts. Sensory overload began, and she was going to die if she didn’t come soon, but she was determined this time she wasn’t going alone.

She squeezed around him, and Gabe responded, hands twitching for a second. “Hell, do that again.”

Allison laughed and reached to catch hold of his neck, arching her back and luxuriating in his caresses. He slipped one hand between her thighs and teased her clit, and she moaned happily.

Just a little more. Little more.

Gabe growled in her ear. “Touch yourself.”

She lowered her hand and her fingers met his. Moisture covered her fingers. He rubbed her clit, stroked along the seam where his cock disappeared into her body, and she shivered.

Gabe placed his hand over hers, joining her in the touch, making it something far more than when she played with herself, looking for release. Not only her, but him, directing, guiding, following her lead as she changed position slightly.

His other arm banded around her body, higher up, and when he leaned her forward against it, he braced her in position.

She would have asked what he was doing, but she didn’t care. She trusted him. Trusted he would hold on, keep her safe. Make her satisfied.

The new position allowed him to move his hips again, and he pulled back, his cock brushing the walls of her sheath, sensitivity rising as he slid forward, forcing his way into her core. Deeper. Intimately close, the heat of the evening and the heat of their bodies making them slick. All the while his fingers worked with hers.

Her climax came between one breath and the next, flashing through and shaking her, squeezing her around his cock as she cried out.

Gabe stilled, their bodies sealed, tight and intimate. His cock impossibly hard inside her.

He groaned, the low aching hum brushing past her ear and caressing her entire body. She did that to him. Made him sound like that. Made him needy and hard and hers. At least for now.

His cock jerked, and she felt him release. Felt his hands tremble as he lost control and spent.

They stayed there, locked together for a couple more seconds. Gabe lowered them to the mattress, still spooning her, his cock lodged in her core.

She clutched his hand where his palm pressed over her belly. “Don’t let go.”

He rocked lightly, the additional stroke of pleasure making her moan. “You got it.”

Allison closed her eyes and luxuriated in his possession. In his caring. “Can we do that again?”

“What, have sex?” His laugher rumbled against her body. “I’m pretty sure we can arrange that.”

She reached up and caressed his cheek. “That too, but I meant the talking. Telling each other what’s really happening. I need that, Gabe.”

Because in spite of living under his roof for the past couple of months, she felt she’d barely scratched the surface. This feeling between them? It was big and powerful, but it was just the beginning.

He turned her then, leaving for a moment before coming back to lay her flat out on the mattress, their legs twined together. He stroked the hair off her face and gazed down with those star-filled eyes, and she fell a little further without even trying.

“We can do that. We’ve got all the time in the world.” His deep voice so sure and confident.

Then he touched their lips together, and she pulled him over her, and they started all over again.

In spite of the hurtful words by the fire, and dealing with painful memories, it had turned out to be a magical night.