Rule of Three

Chapter Nineteen

Fuck. Fuck everything in the world. If he lost Kassidy… Pain seized Chris in a crushing grip.

He’d already lost Dag. That was bad enough. But to lose both of them…to each other? He wanted to puke up the coffee he’d downed earlier.

“I have to tell you,” she said softly. “You’re not going to like it.”

No. No. No. His head spun.

“Chris. Dag’s in love with you.”

The words pierced the fog swirling in his brain. He knew it. He fucking— What? His brain screeched to a halt like a record on a turntable. What had she said? His head snapped around.

“He’s… What did you say?” His eyes squinted at her.

“He’s in love with you. He always has been.”

He blinked at her. Wheels turning, processing information, but the hard drive in his brain was short circuiting and it wasn’t computing. “You’re telling me he’s gay?”

Dag had sucked his cock. Licked his balls. Put his finger… Chris shook his head. “He can’t be gay.”

“He says he likes men and women. But he’s in love with you.” Her voice cracked. She sucked in another quivering breath. “I had to tell you. So I know…whatever happens…we’re not living a lie.”

He stared at her, his forehead tight, body rigid. “Living a lie.”

She nodded, holding his gaze.

“What are you saying?” he asked carefully.

“I’m just saying…if you have any feelings for Dag…any…you need to tell him. To talk to him about it. To figure out what you want to do about it.”

“He’s my friend.”

His brain went empty. Total vacuum.

“I know,” she whispered, touching his cheek. “I know you love him as a friend. I know that, Chris. You missed him so much. You were so happy he was back. I’ve seen you together, how much fun you have, how much you guys care about each other. I should have realized sooner what it all meant…” She closed her eyes. “But maybe I was in denial too, thinking that I could be part of it.”

Still blank. Nothing. Wheels turning.

“Uh…no, Kass.”

“You should go talk to him.” Her fingers caressed his jaw, rubbing over the stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave off that morning. “Whatever. Only you really know how you feel. But you can’t let him leave like this.”

Oh, hell yeah, he could.

Hell no, he couldn’t.

Gut twisting, chest throbbing, head spinning, he could only stare at her. How could she be telling him to do that? How could she send him away? Who did she love? Him? Or Dag? It made no sense. “I love you, Kassidy.”

“I know.” Her mouth quivered into a small smile. “I know.”

“What if I don’t? I mean, what if I don’t go talk to him.”

She gazed at him. “I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know if we can be together unless you sort this out.”

“I don’t get it. If you’re thinking that I’ve been in the closet and hiding it from you all this time, that’s the—”

She shook her head. “I don’t think that. But if you don’t talk to him, if you don’t figure out yourself what your feelings are for him, I’ll spend the rest of our lives wondering about it. Hurting for Dag. Hurting for us. If you go see Dag and you guys talk and you come back to me, and Dag goes back to San Francisco and that’s the way our lives are going to be—fine.” A flicker of what looked like pain passed over her face. “If you go see Dag and you…” A small sob hiccupped her words. “If things turn out differently, well, then…”

Chris shook his head.

“I just don’t want to spend the rest of our lives not knowing the truth.”

“Kassidy. I’ll go see him if it will make you happy. But you gotta believe me–I don’t want to lose you.”

“Go see him.”

“I’ll…think about it.”

“He’s leaving Tuesday morning.”

Pressure built inside him. “I’ll…maybe tomorrow.”

How was she supposed to concentrate on work?

Kassidy almost considered going home sick Monday morning, but she’d missed so much time lately because of her mother she just couldn’t do it. The project was already behind schedule and she had a million things to do, not to mention check on her mother. Mom had another doctor appointment this week and she needed to make sure her dad was able to take her, and she had training proposals to review and…she couldn’t focus on any of that because she kept going over and over in her head her conversations with Dag and Chris.

And Chris, the big stubborn jerk, was sitting in his office pretending their life hadn’t just fallen apart, procrastinating on going to see Dag, and Dag was leaving…leaving! Tomorrow!

“Kassidy, did you sign off on those invoices?” Her boss, Paul, appeared in her office door.

“Um. Yeah. I gave them to…no, they’re right here. But I signed them…” She handed them over.

“No. You didn’t.” He frowned at them.

“Oh. Sorry! Here, I’ll just…” She reached for them.

“Did you review them?”

“Yes, of course. I mean, I think I did…”

“Kassidy, are you okay?” He squinted at her.

“Of course! I’m fine.” She flashed a smile.

“How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s doing okay. It will be a while before she’s…before…” To her horror and embarrassment her throat tightened on a huge sob and tears started running down her face.

“Oh Jeez.” Paul backed up a step. “Uh, Kass…you want…you should…why don’t you go home.”

“No.” She snatched up some tissues from the box on her desk. “No, I can’t go home. I mean, I’m fine.”

“But…”

“I’m sorry.” God, how unprofessional, breaking down in tears in the office. “I’m just a little stressed right now. I just need a minute.”

“I’ll send uh…Laura to check on you.” He disappeared.

She laid her head down on the desk. God, all she needed was to fall apart at work and get canned right now. She had to get a grip. It took all she had to get the tears under control, repair her makeup, and then head to the elevator to go see Chris.

He was in a meeting.

“Tell him to call me when he’s out,” she said to his admin assistant with a smile. Jessica was looking at her oddly, no doubt observing her swollen eyes and red nose, which she’d tried to camouflage with powder. In a couple of hours, rumors would be winding their way through the office grapevine that she and Chris were having “problems”. She knew how it worked.

Ha. If people only knew! The thought of the grapevine getting hold of the real juicy scuttlebutt almost made her laugh as she took the elevator back to her own office.

Chris didn’t call her.

She refused to go back to his office and add more juice to the rumor mill, so she called him and left one voice mail message, sent him one text message. Goddammit, he was ignoring her.

He was going to ignore this problem until Dag was gone and it was too late to do anything about it. Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn!

But why was she pushing him? She knew the risk she was taking. Maybe whatever happened, happened, and it would all be for the best. Impotent anger rose inside her, though, and in a stellar display of passive-aggressiveness, she left the office half an hour early and took the train home. Without Chris.

Dag had polished off the better part of a bottle of Scotch provided by room service–not one of those useless little bottles out of the mini bar–and was thinking about going down to the hotel restaurant for something to eat when he heard the knock on his door.

Who the hell was that? He hadn’t ordered any more booze, although that wasn’t a bad idea. He climbed to his feet from where he slouched in the chair, lurched across the room. Without bothering to check through the peephole, he yanked the door open.

Chris.

His heart stopped.

He stared.

Then his heart slammed in his chest like a sledgehammer. “What are you doing here?”

Chris stood there in a damn suit and tie and stared back at Dag through baleful, shadowed eyes.

“Oh fuck,” Dag groaned, shoving a hand in his hair. “She told you.”

“Yeah. Let me in, asshole.”

Dag stepped aside. Chris walked by him, filling the hotel room with his presence.

“Look,” Dag began. “I told her not to tell you. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. I’m fine. I’m always fine. I—”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Dag snapped his mouth closed. Chris stood there, body tense, hands clenched. He didn’t exactly look happy about all this, but that definitely wasn’t pity shining in his eyes.

Dag narrowed his eyes at his friend. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped. “You kicked me out, now it’s my turn. Get out.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. Jeez.”

“So what? I felt like getting shitfaced. What’s it to you?”

Chris rolled his eyes.

“And why’re you here anyway?” Dag planted his feet apart and folded his arms across his chest, frowning at Chris.

“Kassidy made me come.”

Great.

“She has this fucking weird idea that—” He stopped.

“Yeah. I know. She told me. I know she’s wrong. Don’t worry, Chris. I dealt with this a long time ago.”

“I hate this shit.”

“I know.”

Chris sighed. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. All last night too. Thinking about how I’d feel if I lost Kassidy. I love her, Dag.”

“I know.”

“It would kill me.”

“Yeah. Oh, goddammit, you do feel sorry for me. Jesus Christ, Chris…”

Chris took three steps across the carpet and was in his face, his fist grabbing hold of Dag’s T-shirt. “I don’t fucking feel sorry for you, all right? Would you get off the damn pity train?”

Dag thrust his arm up between his body and Chris’s, dislodging his grip of his shirt. He shoved Chris away from him.

“Hey!” Chris stumbled but came back at him, shoved him back. Dag grabbed hold of him, fury and frustration boiling up inside him, boiling over, out of control, and he swung at Chris’s face, connecting with his jaw. It wasn’t the hardest punch, Chris holding on to him too, but Chris grunted and swore.

They wrestled, shoving, trying to land punches, a haze of red in front of Dag’s eyes, until Chris hooked one foot around his leg and took him to the floor. Hard. Stars sparkled in front of his eyes, his breath whooshed out of him. “Fuck you!” He drew back to pummel Chris, and then realized Chris had him pinned beneath him on the floor. Chris outweighed him, not by much, though their strength was probably evenly matched, but Chris was looking down at him, his face only inches from his, breathing heavily. His pupils exploded, his lips parted.

They stared at each other.

The world shrank away, Dag’s awareness narrowing to the face in front of him, the hard body pressed to his, the heat of Chris’s skin scorching him, Chris’s eyes burning him.

“Fuck you,” Dag whispered. He reached a hand up, grabbed Chris’s tie and yanked his head toward him until Chris’s mouth smashed into his. Chris made some kind of sound, something deep down and agonized, and then Dag’s heart nearly exploded as Chris kissed him back.

Their mouths moved against each other, hard, grinding, teeth knocking, opening wider. Dag’s tongue plunged into Chris’s mouth, bringing another tortured sound from Chris’s throat.

This couldn’t be happening. Dag’s head spun, his hands tightened on the other man. Chris. Chris. Oh god, it was Chris, kissing him, and fuck, it was heaven.

Their tongues slid, Dag nipped Chris’s bottom lip then licked it, sucked his tongue into his mouth until Chris gasped. “Jesus.”

This was probably another fucking huge mistake he was going to regret, but he couldn’t stop now, couldn’t stop breathing, couldn’t stop his heart from beating, couldn’t stop kissing Chris.

He’d dreamed of this. He’d beaten off thinking about this, he’d fucked other men pretending they were Chris. He’d wanted this, always, this man, with everything he had–his body, his heart, his soul. With a long, deep groan, he rolled, pushing Chris’s heavy body off him, moving over him. His cock surged to life, and he pressed against Chris’s pelvis as he kissed him again and again, brutal, ferocious kisses of pent-up need and repressed longing.

“Fuck you,” he whispered again against Chris’s mouth. “I don’t know whether to love you or hate you.”

“I’m leaning toward hating you right now,” Chris gasped.

“Don’t try to tell me you didn’t want that. Jesus, you are so fucking stubborn.”

Chris said nothing.

Dag looked down at him, their chests heaving against each other.

“Christ, Chris. Don’t do this to me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I want! All right?”

They stared back at each other, silence expanding around them, only the sound of their rasping breaths filling the room, Chris’s green eyes wide, his lips wet and shiny.

Fuck he was gorgeous. Dag closed his eyes briefly against the sight, and against the mix of emotions swirling in Chris’s eyes–denial, confusion, arousal.

Chris finally said, “Get the hell off me.”

“No.” And Dag kissed him again. Long, sliding kisses, savoring the feel of Chris’s mouth under his, Chris’s tongue in his mouth, in case this was the last time, the only time he ever got to do this. He cupped Chris’s jaw, slid his other hand into his hair, the strands short and silky, his skull large and firm beneath.

Dag’s cock throbbed insistently, sensation sizzling over his flesh, need stabbing into his balls in sharp, hot spears. Fiery heat built inside him and he rocked his hips urgently against Chris, shifting so he could feel…oh yeah, Chris was hard too. He might be confused or in denial or who the hell knew what he was feeling, but his body wanted this even if he didn’t.

Dag shoved Chris’s suit jacket out of the way so there was less fabric between their hot skin, slid a hand down and rubbed Chris’s erection, straining beneath the fly of his trousers.

“Jesus,” he breathed into Chris’s mouth. “You’re so fucking hard.”

Chris groaned, turned his head away from Dag’s mouth. “Dag…”

“You want this.”

Dag moved his weight until his aching hard-on pressed against Chris, and he rubbed and shifted against him, sensation building inside him, tighter and hotter. He could come like this, just like this, not even inside him, just being with him…and he could make him come too.

But he couldn’t do it. Not like this.

He groaned and rolled off Chris onto his back on the floor, his cock throbbing, his lungs straining. He stared at the ceiling, at the stippled texture of the white plaster.

“We have to talk,” he finally said. He should sit up, but he didn’t move.

Finally Chris rolled over and got to his knees. “Yeah. Get up.” He rubbed flushed cheeks, swiped a hand over his brow. “Tell me. Tell me about it.”

Dag stared back at him, heart pounding. Could he do it? Ever since they’d met years ago, he’d wanted this, but had so feared losing Chris’s friendship that he’d locked it away inside him. Locked it away and thrown away the key.

He pushed himself to sitting and they sat there on the floor, clothes rumpled, hair messed, breathing rapidly. “Aw, fuck, Chris.” He sucked in a long breath of courage. “I fell in love with you right from the start,” he confessed in a low voice. “It just happened.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I never knew, man.”

“I know. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have told you because…I valued our friendship. I didn’t want to lose that. You were such a lazy-ass slacker, I don’t know why I cared about you.”

“Musta been my good looks.”

Dag’s heart stuttered and he choked on a laugh at Chris’s unexpected joke. “Yeah, right.” His smile faded. “I never wanted you to know.”

“Had you been with…guys before?”

“Yeah. Some.”

“I never knew that.”

“I know. You made it pretty clear that disgusted you.”

Chris bent his head. “Uh. That’s not exactly true.”

Dag stared at the top of Chris’s head. “What do you mean?”