Saving Zoë

Nine

I don’t know why they call it the last day of school, when really it’s the first day of freedom. Cuz the second that minimum day bell rings at 12:20 P.M., there’s not a teacher, principal, or school administrator w/in 50 miles that can touch me — and that includes YOU, Coach Warner, you disgusting old pig. You think I don’t notice when you look down my top? Next year I’m gonna stick a tiny mirror down there so you can see your own ugly reflection staring back at you!!!

As usual, classes were a joke — everyone just ignoring the teachers, running around, signing yearbooks, and promising to hook up sometime during the hot days ahead. All I could do was nod and smile and go through the motions, because the whole entire time I was thinking about ditching Stephen so I can hook up with Marc.

I know he’s into me.

I’m never wrong about these things.

Didn’t make it downstairs ’til after 11, still feeling drunk from last night. Walked right into the edge of the kitchen table and had to grab the corner to steady myself. Thank G nobody noticed. Dad had his nose buried in a pile of papers (as usual), Mom was outside working in her overachiever garden wearing her big old hat, SPF 75, wraparound sunglasses, gloves, and a long-sleeved shirt — like she’s allergic to the sun or something. Only Echo sniffed the air as I passed, flashed me a knowing look, but didn’t say a word as I headed for the coffeemaker. Didn’t even get to the second sip before Carly called, wanting to bitch me out for ditching Stephen and trying to hook up with Marc behind his back.

So I reminded her that I’m her BFF, NOT Stephen. I’m the one who covered for her that time when she said she was at my house but was really out with H, not to mention the gazillion other favors I’ve done for her over the last 5 years. Not to mention that Marc was already gone by the time I finally made it outside, so no damage done, right?

But even after I reminded her of all that she still has the nerve to go, “Yeah, but still.”

I mean, I love Carly, really I do. But this holier than thou crap has got to stop.

Maybe she should get together with Stephen if she cares so much about his stupid feelings.

I’m psychic! Just call me Claire Voyant Because the very last line I wrote in my very last entry came true. That’s right, Carly hooked up with Stephen. And I’m not even that mad about it. Really. I barely even care. Well, other than the fact that she went behind my back. But really, as far as I’m concerned she can have him because I am sooooo over him. I’m sick of how his life revolves around sports and those stupid instant replays he insists on watching over and over and over again. I’m sick of the way he eats with his mouth open, all those chucked up particles tossing from side to side as he laughs out loud at his own lame-ass jokes. But mostly I’m sick of the way he bicep peeks during sex. It’s like he gets more excited watching the way they bulge out than by seeing me naked beneath him. And if I sound like some bitter old hausfrau who got married too young, and stayed married too long, well, then, whose fault is that? He stole a year of my life, robbed me of time I’ll never get back.

Not to mention how it’s been totally obvious from the start how Carly’s been crushing on him, since day one. It’s like she’s been waiting this entire time for me to dump him. Even the six months she was with H, she was just passing time. So if she wants him that bad, she can have him. I hope they’re very happy together, really I do.

I just think she could’ve waited ’til I’d actually broken up with him first I just think she could’ve waited ’til things were official. Not to mention how she could have at least pretended to look guilty when I walked in on them.

But instead she just looked up and said, “Well you said you were gonna leave him.”

Which, of course, made Stephen gawk at me in shock. But I just kept right on looking at her. Shaking my head as I used her words right back at her, saying, “Yeah, but still.”

Then I went back downstairs and ended up smoking some really powerful shit with Kevin and Kristin who are so freaking in love they’ll probably get married or something. I mean it’s just so weird how they’ve been together since eighth grade, and how they never ever think about what they could be missing.

I’m always thinking about what I’m missing.

Even when I’m happy with what I have.

Anyway, we just hung in the backyard, looking at the stars ’til we were cold and hungry and misted with dew.

And everything felt so vast, and unlimited, and extremely close to perfect

But now I have to figure out a way to fill up the summer before my parents decide that for me. So, good luck to me!

I stifle a yawn, and close Zoë’s diary, sliding it under my mattress for safekeeping. Not one thing I read surprised me. Seriously, not the drugs, not the sex, not even that whole big drama with Carly. Though I’d always been kind of curious why she stopped coming over so much. I guess I just assumed it had something to do with Marc. But then Zoë’s life had always been dramatic, and mysterious, and far more adventurous than mine. And even though I like Carly, I know it had to be a pretty tough gig to be my sister’s best friend. I mean, Zoë was just one of those people who the clouds always cleared for, the sun always shined on, and the stars came out for.

She’s the reason they invented spotlights.

And she left anyone standing next to her feeling like a dull, spent bulb.

But what did surprise me was the way I felt as I was reading. So close to Zoë, like she was sitting right there beside me, whispering the words in my ear, and urging me to turn the page.

And it feels so good to finally have her back, that I switch off the light and close my eyes, saving Zoë for another day.