Sebastian

Chapter Twenty-three

Standing at the edge of the woods behind Sebastian’s cottage, Lynnea tried to clear her mind and heart of everything that wasn’t good, wasn’t positive. To travel lightly. Now, more than ever, it was important for her to travel lightly. Despite being in a different landscape, Nadia’s house wasn’t far from here, but to get there she needed positive thoughts. A gentle heart. They were going to cross the bridge that was on this path in the woods. They were going to find Nadia, find Glorianna, find some way to free Sebastian from those wizards.

And if Teaser didn’t stop taking forever to light the candle in the lantern he’d brought with him, she was going to find a large branch—or uproot a small tree—and give him a whack for every minute she’d stood there waiting.

No, no, no. She couldn’t think that way. It might be an honest feeling, but it wouldn’t help them cross the bridge.

Travel lightly. Travel lightly. Travel—

Finally! “Ready?” she asked.

“Guess so.”

But he was still crouched, staring at the lit candle. Not moving.

Bristling with impatience, certain that every minute they delayed might change her life in ways she didn’t want to imagine, she opened her mouth to yell at him. Then she took a good look at his face.

“Are you afraid to cross the bridge?” she asked.

“Maybe,” Teaser mumbled. “Some.” He shot to his feet. “All right, I’m afraid.”

He was. Had been, she suddenly realized, ever since he’d said he’d go with her. “But you’ve been to daylight landscapes when you’ve…” She trailed off, not feeling enough like a tigress to talk about things Teaser did with women, even if she did those same things with Sebastian. “And you’ve met Nadia.”

“This is different.” Teaser shifted from one foot to the other, looking at the ground, at the trees, anywhere but at her. “What if I can’t cross over to a landscape held by Sebastian’s auntie? What if my crossing with you shifts something when we reach the bridge and we end up someplace different, someplace…bad?”

“This is a stationary bridge that crosses only between the Den and Aurora. Nadia told me so.” Had made a point of telling her before she and Sebastian left Nadia’s house.

“Even stationary bridges don’t always take you where you want to go,” Teaser argued. “Not if you don’t resonate with that landscape.”

“You don’t have to come with me,” Lynnea said gently. “The bridge isn’t that far down the path. I’ll be safe enough.”

He shook his head. “You can’t go alone.”

She felt like she had tried to squeeze through an opening and had gotten stuck. He wouldn’t let her go alone, and he was afraid to come with her. She’d never crossed any bridges—at least, none that she remembered—until Ewan had left her on the side of the road instead of taking her to the Landscapers’ School. But she knew a stationary bridge went to only a few specific landscapes, so even if you didn’t end up in the landscape you wanted, you could usually get back to where you started. The resonating bridges, on the other hand, held the possibility of crossing over to anywhere, and only the secret places in your heart knew where you would end up. And even if you turned right around and crossed the bridge again, it wasn’t likely that you’d return to the landscape you’d just left.

Even though she knew the bridge in the woods crossed only to Nadia’s home village from this side and to the Den from the other side, she couldn’t deny that Teaser had a reason to worry.

But they couldn’t just stay there.

“Why are you coming with me?” she asked.

“Because you can’t go alone.”

Obviously that thought was set in stone. “And?”

“Because, if we’re family, I should help Sebastian.”

“And?”

He sighed. “Because it’s the right thing to do?”

“Yes. Because it’s the right thing to do.” Picking up the yarn bag, which now held a change of clothes, a few coins, and the letter to Belladonna, she held out her other hand. “I don’t think Ephemera will stop us from doing the right thing.”

He slung his pack over his shoulder, picked up the lantern, then took hold of her hand in a grip that made her wince. “I’m ready.”

We need to find Nadia, Lynnea thought as they hurried down the path. We need to find Glorianna. We need to save Sebastian. Nadia is the first step of the journey. We’re going to Nadia’s house. Travel lightly, travel lightly. We’re going to Nadia’s house and—

“Daylight!” Teaser ducked his head to protect his eyes from the dappled sunlight.

“We did it!” Lynnea looked back. There had to be a marker somewhere, something solid and stable enough to hold the magic of a bridge, but she didn’t see anything. Still, she couldn’t deny they’d left the Den. The daylight was proof of that.

Tugging her hand free of Teaser’s grip, she rubbed feeling back into her fingers while she waited for him to blow out the candle in the lantern. Then she followed the path, moving at a brisk pace.

“I remember this,” she said, slowing down after a few minutes. “We took the path that curved around this big stone to go back to the Den, so”—she pointed—“Nadia’s house must be that way.”

After a few more minutes that felt like forever, they reached the wooden gate in that part of the stone wall that surrounded Nadia’s personal gardens. Through the gate, over the lawn, and there she was, pulling open the screen door so she could pound her fist against the closed kitchen door.

“Nadia?” she called. “Nadia! It’s Lynnea! We have to talk to you!” She looked around the gardens, trying to spot something out of place, something that meant trouble had come here. Nothing looked wrong to her, so she went back to pounding on the door.

“Give her a minute,” Teaser said.

“Why isn’t she answering?” Lynnea cried, feeling the frustration welling up inside her. “Where could she be?”

“Maybe she’s…occupied. You know.”

Lynnea paused, fist raised, and stared at him. “You think she’s not answering the door because she’s having sex?” She pounded on the door with more vigor. “Nadia!”

“Not sex! I didn’t say sex. Daylight, Lynnea. You’re talking about Sebastian’s auntie. I just meant…ladies take longer to answer a call of nature.”

It took her a moment to work that out. Teaser was turning into a prude. Why couldn’t he just say what he meant? “Well, why is she sitting on the toilet when we need her to answer the door?”

“It’s not like she knew we were coming.” He took a step back and looked up at the house. “Besides, I don’t think she’s here. With you making all that racket, she would have answered by now, no matter what she was doing.”

Lynnea sagged against the door for a moment, then stepped back to let the screen door slap shut. “You’re right. She isn’t here.”

What was she supposed to do? She hadn’t considered the possibility of not finding Nadia. Her eyes fixed on the broken part of the wall, the part she and Sebastian had stepped over when they’d come here from…

“We’ll go to Sanctuary. People there know Lee, so they might know how to find Glorianna.”

Teaser backed away. “No. I’m not going to Sanctuary. I can’t go to Sanctuary. I’m an incubus.”

“So is Sebastian,” Lynnea snapped. “If he could go there, so can you.”

“But—”

“Stay here then. Or go back to the Den, if that’s what you want. But stop stalling!”

She pressed a hand over her mouth and stared at him, feeling as if she’d glimpsed the person she might have become if she’d stayed on the farm with Pa and Mam. Mam’s tone of voice. Mam’s harshness. Mam’s way of cutting at a person with words, even when she didn’t reinforce it with a blow. Teaser’s fear was real—just as her fears, as a child, had been real. And harsh words that implied inadequacy, when it wasn’t said outright, had never done anything to extinguish the fear.

“Teaser…I’m sorry. That wasn’t kind.”

For a moment his blue eyes were sharp with a predatory anger, reminding her that, no matter how he acted or how distant he was from the roots of his kind, he still came from a race of creatures that could kill you with your own emotions.

Then he looked away and was back to being the Teaser she knew.

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.

“Yes, it does.” She walked up to him and took his hand. “My…the woman who raised me…she sounded like that. She would have said things like that. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to sour the world that way.”

He gave her hand a friendly squeeze and let go. “You’re scared. So am I. So we’re both acting like we’ve got half a brain between us. Time’s passing. Let’s do this if we’re going to.”

When they reached the clearing that held the bridge, she felt the difference. This was a resonating bridge. They had as much chance of reaching Sanctuary as they had of dancing on the moon.

Teaser huffed. “We’re doing this for Sebastian, right?”

“Right.”

“We’ll be able to get to Sanctuary because we’re doing a good thing, right?”

“Right.”

“And if we end up in a snake-infested pit of a landscape, it was your doing because you were mean to me, right?”

She sighed and took his hand. “Right.”

That said, they walked to the spot in the clearing that would let them cross over to…

Sebastian sat on the floor, his back against the wall under the broken window. With the shutters closed, not much air came through the fist-sized hole in the glass, but he told himself the air smelled fresher in this part of the room.

He couldn’t keep the voices out, couldn’t do anything to block the relentless whispers.

No one will come for you. No one loves you. No one ever did. You don’t deserve to be loved. Dreaming of daylight, incubus? There’s no daylight for someone like you. There’s no daylight in someone like you. Your heart is stone and barren earth. That’s all you are. All you can ever be. That’s all you deserve. A hard life. A barren life. A cold life. That’s all you are, Sebastian. That’s all you’ll ever be. No one will come for you. No one loves you. No one ever did.

So many voices, all whispering the same thing. Some sounded cruelly gleeful, and those, by themselves, he might have been able to fight. But it was the gentle voices, the sad voices, saying the same words that wore him out and rubbed at his heart, sanding away the feelings that would have shown the words to be lies.

He was bleak. He was barren. He was cold.

He couldn’t save himself from those relentless, whispering voices. So he put his strength into hiding the shining warmth that lived deep inside his heart.

Peace.

Lynnea breathed it in and felt her body relax. Despite the warmth of the day, there was an autumnal feel to the heat. Warm days, cooler nights. Did the leaves change and fall in Sanctuary? Did people walk through gardens that slept beneath snow? Or was it always summer here? No, not always summer. There would be a different kind of peace in seeing this landscape wearing its winter shades of gray.

“We’re here,” she said softly. She looked at Teaser, who had his eyes squeezed shut. “We reached Sanctuary.”

His eyes opened enough to squint at the gardens that stretched out around them. Then his eyes popped open as a man strolling through the gardens noticed them and turned in their direction.

“It’s all right,” Lynnea said to Teaser as she moved forward to meet the man. “I met him the last time. Greetings, Yoshani,” she added, raising her voice.

“Hey-a,” Yoshani replied, smiling. “You have come back. And you have brought a friend.” His brown eyes, so gentle and dark with wisdom, focused on Teaser.

Trying to ignore the tension building in Teaser, Lynnea shifted just enough to draw Yoshani’s attention.

“We need to find Glorianna,” she said. “Something bad has happened. She needs to be told.”

Yoshani studied them and nodded. “Peace is cherished more after one has tasted sorrow. Come with me. Glorianna will not be hard to find.”

And she wasn’t. Glorianna was among a handful of men and women tidying up the flower beds in one part of the garden. Her initial smile of greeting faded as she looked into their eyes. By the time she read the message from the Wizards’ Council that Lynnea gave her, her own eyes were green ice.

“Yoshani will take you to the guesthouse,” Belladonna said as she folded the paper back into a packet. “I need to think.”

For the first time since they’d arrived at Sanctuary, Teaser spoke. “Sebastian wouldn’t want you going to Wizard City.”

“I know,” she replied softly. Then she walked away.

Before Lynnea could voice a protest, Yoshani laid a hand on her arm.

“She needs time to think,” he said gently. “You need time to rest.”

“What’s going to happen?” Lynnea asked.

“What needs to happen,” he replied. “If they had not closed their hearts, the other Landscapers could have learned much from Glorianna Belladonna. It is so easy, so seductive, to think that choosing the Light is always the right thing to do. But sometimes it is not. She has never chosen the easy path. She will do what needs to be done…no matter what it costs.”

You are nothing, Sebastian. No one worth remembering, worth loving. Bleak. Barren. Empty of all Light. Cruelty birthed you. Misery suckled you. That is all there is for you. All there can ever be.

Hour after hour, they raped his heart, stripping away every memory of warmth and affection.

Helpless to stop the whispers, he curled up around the secret place inside him, keeping the shining warmth hidden, protected. He would never let them touch it. Never.

Glorianna sat on the bench near the koi pond. The heron had been by earlier that morning, and the fish were still hiding under the water plants. The message from the council was in her lap, held just firmly enough to keep the light breeze from snatching it away. It was tempting to let the air have the paper and take that taunting message somewhere else. Anywhere else.

When she heard the footsteps coming toward the bench, she didn’t look away from the pond. She waited until Lee sat on the bench beside her, then handed him the message.

“Sebastian wouldn’t want you to save him, not when it means bringing you within reach of the Wizards’ Council,” Lee said after he’d read the message.

“It’s not Sebastian’s choice.”

“This is a trap. He’s the bait. You know that.”

“I know.” Could she do this? Was she strong enough? What she was considering had never been done before, so the wizards would have no reason to think it was possible, let alone that it might prove dangerous to them. It also would mean putting things in motion and then leaving Sebastian’s life in someone else’s hands, but the strength and courage were there—if Lynnea didn’t falter when the time came. And it would have to be Lynnea’s choice. Every step of the journey would have to be Lynnea’s choice. But it could be done, leaving her free to seek justice for other hearts—and deal with the wizards.

She looked at her brother. “Are you with me, Lee?”

He put one hand over hers. “Always.”

“Then we have work to do. Talk to Teaser. Find out everything you can about where Sebastian was headed when he left with the wizard. We need to find the bridge that connects my landscapes with Wizard City. And then we need to deliver a message to the wizards.”

“Glorianna…it’s a trap. That’s why they wanted Sebastian.”

“It’s a trap,” she agreed. “But Sebastian isn’t the bait.”