Shopaholic and Baby

TWO

HOW ON EARTH did I hold off baby shopping for so long?

I’ve reached the New Baby department on the first floor. It’s softly carpeted, with nursery rhymes playing over the sound system, and huge plushy animals decorating the entrance. An assistant dressed as Peter Rabbit has given me a white wicker basket, and as I look around, clutching it, I can feel the lust rising.

They say motherhood changes you — and they’re right. For once in my life I’m not thinking about myself. I’m being totally selfless! All this is for my unborn child’s welfare.

In one direction are banks of gorgeous cradles and rotating tinkly mobiles. In the other I can glimpse the alluring chrome glint of prams. Ahead of me are displays of teeny-weeny outfits. I take a step forward, toward the clothes. Just look at those adorable bunny slippers. And the tiny cowhide padded jackets…and there’s a massive section of Baby Dior…and, oh my God, D&G Junior…

OK. Calm down. Let’s be organized. What I need is a list.

From my bag I pull Nine Months of Your Life. I turn to chapter eight: “Shopping for Your Baby” and eagerly start scanning the page.

Clothes:

Do not be tempted to buy too many tiny baby clothes. White is recommended for ease of washing. Three plain babygros and six tops will suffice.

I look at the words for a moment. The thing is, it’s never a good idea to follow a book too closely. It even said in the introduction, “You will not want to take every piece of advice. Every baby is different and you must be guided by your instincts.”

My instincts are telling me to get a cowhide jacket.

I hurry over to the display and look through the size labels. “Newborn baby.” “Small baby.” How do I know if I’m going to have a small baby or not? Experimentally I prod my bump. It feels quite small so far, but who can tell? Maybe I should buy both, to be on the safe side.

“It’s the Baby in Urbe snowsuit!” A manicured hand appears on the rack in front of me and grabs a white quilted suit on a chic black hanger. “I’ve been dying to find one of these.”

“Me too!” I say instinctively and grab the last remaining one.

“You know in Harrods the waiting list for these is six months?” The owner of the hand is a hugely pregnant blond girl in jeans and a stretchy turquoise-wrap top. “Oh my God, they have the whole Baby in Urbe range.” She starts piling baby clothes into her white wicker basket. “And look! They’ve got Piglet shoes. I must get some for my daughters.”

I’ve never even heard of Baby in Urbe. Or Piglet shoes.

How can I be so uncool? How can I not have heard of any of the labels? As I survey the tiny garments before me I feel a slight panic. I don’t know what’s in or what’s out. I have no idea about baby fashion. And I’ve only got about four months to get up to speed.

I could always ask Suze. She’s my oldest, best friend, and has three children, Ernest, Wilfrid, and Clementine. But it’s a bit different with her. Most of her baby clothes are hand-embroidered smocks handed down through the generations and darned by her mother’s old retainer, and the babies sleep in antique oak cots from the family stately home.

I grab a couple of pairs of Piglet shoes, several Baby in Urbe rompers, and a pair of Jelly Wellies, just to be on the safe side. Then I spot the sweetest little pink baby dress. It has rainbow buttons and matching knickers and little tiny socks. It’s absolutely gorgeous. But what if we’re having a boy?

This is impossible, not knowing the sex. There must be some way I can secretly find out.

“How many children do you have?” says the turquoise-wrap girl chattily as she squints inside shoes for sizes.

“This is my first.” I gesture to my bump.

“How lovely! Just like my friend Saskia.” She gestures at a dark-haired girl who’s standing a few feet away. She’s whippet thin with no sign of pregnancy and is talking intently into a mobile phone. “She’s only just found out. So exciting!”

At that moment, Saskia snaps her phone shut and comes toward us, her face glowing.

“I got in!” she says. “I’m having Venetia Carter!”

“Oh, Saskia! That’s fantastic!” The turquoise-wrap girl drops her basket of clothes right on my foot, and throws her arms around Saskia. “Sorry about that!” she gaily adds to me as I hand the basket back. “But isn’t that great news? Venetia Carter!”

“Are you with Venetia Carter too?” Saskia asks me with sudden interest.

I am so out of the baby loop, I have no idea who or what Venetia Carter is.

“I haven’t heard of her,” I admit.

“You know.” Turquoise-wrap girl opens her eyes wide. “The obstetrician! The must-have celebrity obstetrician!”

Must-have celebrity obstetrician?

My skin starts to prickle. There’s a must-have celebrity obstetrician and I don’t know about it?

“The one from Hollywood!” elaborates turquoise-wrap girl. “She delivers all the film stars’ babies. You must have heard of her. And now she’s moved to London. All the supermodels are going to her. She holds tea parties for her clients — isn’t that fab? They all bring their babies and get these fabulous goodie bags….”

My heart is thumping as I listen. Goodie bags? Parties with supermodels? I cannot believe I’m missing out on all this. Why haven’t I heard of Venetia Carter?

It’s all Luke’s fault. He made us go straight for stuffy old Dr. Braine. We never even considered anyone else.

“And is she good at, you know, delivering babies?” I ask, trying to keep calm.

“Oh, Venetia’s wonderful,” says Saskia, who seems far more intense than her friend. “She’s not like these old-fashioned doctors. She really connects with you. My boss, Amanda, had the most fabulous holistic water birth with lotus flowers and Thai massage.”

Thai massage? Dr. Braine’s never even mentioned Thai massage.

“My husband won’t pay for her.” Turquoise-wrap girl pouts. “He’s a meanie. Saskia, you’re so lucky—”

“How do you get a place with her?” The words come spilling out before I can stop them. “Do you have the address? Or the phone number?”

“Ooh.” Turquoise-wrap girl exchanges doubtful glances with Saskia. “You’re probably too late now. She’ll be booked up.”

“I can give you this. You could try ringing.” Saskia reaches into her Mulberry bag and produces a brochure with Venetia Carter in elegant raised navy-blue script and a line drawing of a baby. I open it up and the first thing I see is a page of glowing testimonials, with names listed discreetly underneath. All famous! I turn to the back and there’s an address in Maida Vale.

I don’t believe it. Maida Vale is where we live. Oh, this is totally meant!

“Thanks,” I say breathlessly. “I will.”

As Saskia and her friend move away, I whip out my mobile phone and speed-dial Luke.

“Luke!” I exclaim as soon as he answers. “Thank God you answered! Guess what?”

“Becky, are you OK?” he asks in alarm. “What’s happened?”

“I’m fine! But listen, we have to change doctors! I’ve just found out about this brilliant celebrity obstetrician called Venetia Carter. Everyone goes to her and she’s amazing, apparently, and she practices near us! It couldn’t be more perfect! I’m about to call her!”

“Becky, what on earth are you talking about?” Luke sounds incredulous. “We’re not changing doctors! We have a doctor, remember. A very good one.”

Wasn’t he listening?

“I know we do,” I say. “But Venetia Carter delivers all the film stars’ babies! She’s holistic!”

“What do you mean, ‘holistic’?” Luke sounds unimpressed. God, he has such a closed mind.

“I mean everyone has a fabulous birth! She does Thai massage! I just met these two girls in Bambino, and they said—”

Luke cuts me off. “I really can’t see what advantages this woman could have over Dr. Braine. We know he’s experienced; we know he does a good job; he’s a friend of the family….”

“But…but…” I’m hopping with frustration.

“But what?”

I’m stumped. I can’t say, “But he doesn’t have tea parties with supermodels.”

“Maybe I want to be treated by a woman!” I exclaim with sudden inspiration. “Had you thought of that?”

“Then we’ll ask Dr. Braine to recommend a colleague,” Luke replies firmly. “Becky, Dr. Braine has been the family obstetrician for years. I really don’t think we should run off to some unknown trendy doctor on the say-so of a couple of girls.”

“But she’s not unknown! That’s the whole point! She treats celebrities!”

“Becky, just stop.” Luke suddenly sounds forceful. “This is a bad idea. You’re already halfway through your pregnancy. You’re not changing doctors, end of story. Iain’s here. I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

The phone goes dead and I stare at it, livid.

How dare he tell me which doctor I’m going to? And what’s so great about his precious Dr. Braine? I stuff my mobile and the brochure into my bag and start furiously filling my basket with Petit Lapin baby suits.

Luke doesn’t understand anything. If all the movie stars go to her, then she has to be good.

And it would be so cool. So cool.

I suddenly have a vision of myself lying in hospital, cradling my new baby, with Kate Winslet in the next bed. And Heidi Klum in the bed beyond that. We’d all become friends! We’d buy each other little presents, and all our babies would be bonded for life, and we’d go to the park together and be photographed by Hello! magazine. Kate Winslet pushes her pram, chatting with a friend.

Maybe with her best friend, Becky.

“Excuse me, do you need another basket?” A voice interrupts my thoughts, and I look up to see a salesperson gesturing at my overflowing pile of baby clothes. I’ve just been stuffing them into the basket without really noticing.

“Oh, thanks,” I say in a daze. I take the second wicker basket from him and wander over to a display of tiny hats labeled LITTLE STAR and LITTLE TREASURE. But I can’t concentrate.

I want to go to Venetia Carter. I don’t care what Luke thinks.

In sudden defiance I pull out my mobile again and reach for the brochure. I move to a quiet corner of the shop and carefully punch in the number.

“Good afternoon, Venetia Carter’s office,” a woman’s very posh voice answers.

“Oh, hello!” I say, trying to sound as charming as I can. “I’m having a baby in December, and I’ve heard how wonderful Venetia Carter is, and I just wondered if there was any possible chance of me arranging an appointment with her, possibly?”

“I’m sorry,” the woman says in a firm but polite tone. “Dr. Carter is fully booked for the present.”

“But I’m really desperate! And I really think I need a holistic water birth. And I live in Maida Vale, and I’d be willing to pay over the odds.”

“Dr. Carter is absolutely—”

“I’d just like to add that I’m a personal shopper, and I’d be pleased to offer Dr. Carter my complimentary services.” The words come tumbling out. “And my husband has a PR company and he could do some free PR for her! Not that she probably needs it, of course,” I add hastily. “But if you could just ask her? Please?”

There’s silence.

“Your name is?” says the woman at last.

“Rebecca Brandon,” I say eagerly. “And my husband is Luke Brandon of Brandon Communications, and—”

“Hold on, please, Mrs. Brandon. Venetia—” Their conversation is cut off by a brisk rendition of The Four Seasons.

Please let her say yes. Please let her say yes….

I can hardly breathe as I wait. I’m standing next to a display of white knitted rabbits, crossing my fingers as hard as I can, clutching all my pendants for good measure, and sending silent prayers to the goddess Vishnu, who has been very helpful to me in the past. “Mrs. Brandon?”

“Hello!” I drop all my pendants. “I’m here!”

“It’s likely that Dr. Carter will have an unexpected vacancy on her books. We’ll be able to let you know within the next few days.”

“OK,” I gasp. “Thanks very much!”

REGAL AIRLINES

HEAD OFFICE PRESTON HOUSE • 354 KINGSWAY • LONDON WC2

4TH

Mrs Rebecca Brandon 37 Maida Vale Mansions Maida Vale

London NW6 0YF

14 August 2003

Dear Mrs. Brandon,

Thank you for your letter, and the enclosed flight itineraries, doctor’s note, and scan pictures.

I agree that your unborn child has taken many flights with Regal Airlines. Unfortunately it does not qualify for air miles, since it did not buy a ticket for any of these flights.

I am sorry to disappoint and hope you choose Regal Airlines again soon.

Yours sincerely,

Margaret McNair

Customer Service Manager