Shopaholic to the Rescue

FIVE

The party bag is insanely lavish.

It’s half an hour later and we’ve stopped at another diner, for lunch and a regroup. Minnie is unpacking the bag onto the table, and we’re all staring, slack-jawed. The ballerina doll is just the start. There’s also a DKNY watch, a Young Versace hoodie, and a pair of tickets to Cirque du Soleil. Suze is especially horrified, because she’s really not into party bags. She thinks they’re common. (She never actually uses that word, but she twists her fingers into knots, and I know it’s what she thinks. When she gives a children’s party, the party bag consists of a balloon and a big piece of homemade toffee, wrapped in greaseproof paper.)

As Minnie pulls out a gorgeous pink Kate Spade clutch, Mum and Janice start googling Las Vegas property prices on their phones, to see how much Corey’s house must be worth, while I quickly remove the Kate Spade for safekeeping. I’ll keep it nice for Minnie till she’s grown up enough to use it. (And in the meantime maybe borrow it once or twice.)

“How does he make his money, exactly?” Janice asks. “Goodness, this one is sixteen million dollars!”

“Property,” says Mum vaguely.

“No, he started out in patents,” I inform them. “Science inventions or whatever. He invented a special spring, apparently.”

I got this from page three of my Google search, where there was a profile of Corey from The Wall Street Journal. According to that, the spring was the first thing he invented and it still makes him money today. Although how can you invent a spring? It’s just curly wire, isn’t it?

“There, Becky, I told you to concentrate in your science lessons,” says Mum. “Janice, look, this house has two swimming pools.”

“Now, that’s vulgar,” says Janice disapprovingly as she leans over to see. “But look at that view….”

“I don’t understand how he’s managed to lie about his age,” I put in. Corey’s got to be around the same age as my dad, but I’ve searched online and I can’t find anything to disprove the so-called “fiftieth birthday party.” “I mean, you can’t just invent an age these days. What about Google?”

“He probably started lying before Google was invented,” says Janice wisely. “Like Marjorie Willis, remember, Jane? She shaved a year off every other birthday.”

“Oh, that Marjorie!” exclaims Mum indignantly. “She turned thirty-four at least twice, if not three times. That’s the way to do it, love.” She turns to me. “Gradually and early.”

“Yes!” Janice nods. “Start now, Becky. You could lose a decade, easily.”

Should I do that? I hadn’t even thought about shaving years off my age. Anyway, surely the most sensible thing is to pretend to be older than you are? And then everyone says, Wow, you look amazing for ninety-three! when you’re only seventy—

My thoughts are interrupted by Luke beckoning to me. He’s standing by the window and has rather an odd expression.

“Hi,” I say as I join him. “What’s up?” Without answering, he hands me his phone.

“Now, look, Becky,” says Dad into my ear, with no preamble. “What’s all this nonsense about Mum flying out to L.A.?”

It’s Dad’s voice. It’s my dad. He’s alive. I think I might pass out, except I want to whoop as well.

“Dad!” I exclaim breathlessly. “Oh my God. Is that you?”

Tears have already sprung to my eyes. I hadn’t realized quite how worried I was. Or how guilty I felt. Or how many horrible images had been circling in my head.

“I’ve just received a very garbled message on my phone,” Dad says. “As I’ve said to Luke, I want you to put Mum off, all right? Tell her to stay in the UK.”

Is he kidding? Does he have any idea what we’ve been going through?

“But she’s already here! And so is Janice! Dad, we’re worried about you!” My words tumble out. “And we’re worried about Tarkie, and we’re worried about—”

“We’re all fine,” says Dad testily. “Please tell Mum not to fret. I’ll only be a few days.”

“But where are you? What are you doing?”

“It doesn’t matter,” responds Dad shortly. “It’s a small issue between friends, and it’ll take no time at all to sort out, I’m sure. Try to amuse your mother in the meantime.”

“But we’re following you!”

“Well, please don’t follow me!” Dad sounds really quite angry. “This is ridiculous! Can a man not deal with a small private matter without being trailed?”

“But you didn’t even tell Mum what you were doing! You just disappeared!”

“I left you a note,” says Dad impatiently. “You knew I was safe. Shouldn’t that have been enough?”

“Dad, you need to speak to her, right now. I’ll pass you over—”

“No.” Dad cuts me off. “Becky, I’m trying to achieve an important task, and I have to focus on that. I can’t deal with your mother having hysterics at me for an hour.”

“She wouldn’t—” I begin, then stop mid-sentence. I hate to say it, but he’s right. If Mum gets on the phone with him, the rant will last until the phone runs out of power.

“Take your mother back to L.A.,” Dad’s saying. “Go to a spa and—what do you call it?—chill out.”

“How can we chill out?” Now I’m starting to feel angry. “You won’t tell us anything, and we know Bryce is trying to brainwash Tarkie….I mean, is he OK?”

Dad gives a short laugh. “Bryce isn’t brainwashing anyone. He’s a very helpful young man. He’s been invaluable to me. Knows the area, you see. And he’s quite taken Tarquin under his wing. They spend hours chatting with each other about this and that.”

Under his wing? Hours chatting about this and that? I don’t like the sound of that one bit.

“Well, is Tarkie there?”

“He’s here. D’you want to speak to him?”

What? I stare at the phone in disbelief. There’s a scuffling noise down the line, then Tarquin’s unmistakable reedy voice says, “Ahm, hello? Becky?”

“Tarkie!” I nearly explode with relief. “Hi! I’ll get Suze—”

“No, ahm…don’t bother,” he says. “Just tell her I’m all right.”

“But she’s so worried! We’re all worried. You know Bryce is trying to brainwash you? He’s dangerous, Tarkie. He wants your money. You haven’t given him any, have you? Because don’t, OK?”

“Of course he wants my money.” Tarquin sounds so matter-of-fact, the wind is taken out of my sails. “Asks me about it every five minutes. Not very subtle either. I’m not giving it to him, though.”

“Thank God!” I exhale. “Well, don’t.”

“I’m not a total chump, you know, Becky.”

“Oh,” I say feebly.

“Chap like Bryce, you just have to keep your wits about you.”

“Right.”

I’m feeling totally confused right now. Tarkie sounds so together. I thought he’d been having a nervous breakdown.

But then, what was that whole act in L.A. about? I can still picture him, sitting at the table in our house, glowering at everyone, telling Suze she was toxic.

“Becky, I have to go,” Tarquin’s saying. “I’ll put your father back on.”

“No, don’t go!” I cry, but it’s too late.

“Becky?” My dad’s back on the line and I quickly draw breath.

“Dad, listen. Please. I don’t know what you’re up to, and if you don’t want me to know, that’s fine. But you can’t leave Mum in the lurch like this. Are you anywhere near Las Vegas? Because if you’ve ever loved us and you have any time at all, meet us there. Just so we can see you for a couple of minutes. Just so we know you’re OK. And then go off on your mission. Please, Dad. Please.”

There’s a long silence. I can feel Dad’s unwillingness seeping down the phone.

“I’m a fair way away,” he says at last.

“Then we’ll come to you! Give me an address!”

“No,” says Dad. “No, let’s not do that.”

There’s another silence, and I hold my breath.

The thing about my dad is, he’s actually a very reasonable man. I mean, he was in insurance.

“All right,” he says at last. “I’ll have a quick breakfast with you tomorrow in Las Vegas. Then you can all relax and go back to L.A. and leave me in peace. But no questions.”

“Absolutely,” I say hastily. “No questions.”

I am so going to ask questions. I’ll start a list straightaway.

“Where shall we meet?”

“Er…”

My knowledge of Las Vegas is fairly limited. In fact, it basically consists of watching Ocean’s Eleven about a thousand times.

“The Bellagio,” I say. “Breakfast at the Bellagio, nine A.M.”

“Good. See you there.”

And I wasn’t going to ask anything else, because clearly he doesn’t want me to know, but I can’t help myself, so I blurt out: “Dad, why didn’t you want to call me Rebecca?”

There’s another prickly silence, and I hold my breath. I know Dad’s still on the line. He’s on the line and he’s not saying anything….

And then he’s rung off.

I immediately press CALL RETURN but it goes straight to voicemail. I try Tarkie’s phone, but the same thing happens. They must have switched them both off.

“Well done!” says Luke as I finally raise my head. “You should be a hostage negotiator! Do I take it we have a breakfast appointment with the runaways?”

“Apparently so,” I say, blinking at him. I feel a bit dazed. After all the stressing and worrying, it turns out Dad and Tarkie are both fine. Not at the bottom of a ravine.

“Relax, Becky!” Luke puts his hands on my shoulders. “This is good news! We’ve found them!”

“Yes!” And at last I feel a smile starting to spread across my face. “We have! We’ve found them. Let’s tell Mum and Suze!”

—

Well, honestly. I thought it was the bearers of bad news who were supposed to be given a hard time. There I was, imagining Mum and Suze would gasp and cheer and congratulate me on having pinned Dad down to breakfast in Las Vegas. There I was, hoping for a group hug. I must have been deluded.

Neither Mum nor Suze looks any cheerier for the news that their beloved husbands are alive and well. There was a brief flicker of delight, and Suze breathed, “Thank God.” But now both of them are back on their grievances.

Mum’s line is: “Why doesn’t my own husband trust me?” At least, it’s a kind of duet, with Janice taking the lines: “I know, Jane,” and “You’re so right, Jane,” and “Jane, dear, have some M&M’s.” Mum’s basic argument is that any husband who goes off with secrets is disrespectful and he’s a grown man and who does he think he is, Kojak?

(I’m not sure how Kojak comes into it. In fact, I’m not sure who Kojak is. Someone off the telly, I think.)

Meanwhile, Suze’s complaint is: Why didn’t Tarkie want to talk to her? She’s tried Tarkie’s number about ninety-five times, and each time it goes to voicemail and she darts me a resentful look, as though it’s my fault. As we approach the looming skyline of Las Vegas, she’s chewing her fingers and staring out of the window.

“Suze?” I say cautiously.

“Yes?” She turns her head impatiently, as though I’ve distracted her from something really important.

“Isn’t it great? Tarkie’s fine!”

Suze looks blank, as though she doesn’t even understand what I’m saying.

“I mean, you can stop worrying,” I persist. “It must be such a relief.”

A pained expression comes over Suze’s face, as though I’m too stupid to realize the truth.

“Not till I see him,” she insists. “Not till I see for myself. I still think Bryce has got to him. He’s messed with his head somehow.”

“He sounded OK to me,” I say encouragingly. “He wouldn’t want to have breakfast with us if he’d been brainwashed, would he? I mean, isn’t it all good news?”

“Bex, you just don’t get it,” says Suze aggressively, and at once Alicia puts her hand on Suze’s as though she gets it because she’s a better friend than I am.

My heart sinks, and I pull Minnie onto my lap for comfort.

“Stop fretting?” Mum is muttering murderously to Janice. “I’ll give Graham something to fret about. Have I ever kept any secrets from him?”

“There was the sun bed in our garage,” points out Janice.

“That was different, Janice.” Mum nearly bites her head off. “What Graham’s doing right now, it’s shifty.”

“It’s not like Graham,” agrees Janice sorrowfully, and she has a point. It’s not that my mum and dad haven’t had their ups and downs, discoveries and moments of drama. But I never remember him being secretive like this before, especially toward Mum.

“Where are we going to stay in Las Vegas?” I ask hastily, to change the subject. “Not in an RV park.”

“No, no,” says Luke from the driver’s seat. “We’ll park the RV and check in to a hotel.”

And despite everything, I feel a flicker of anticipation. I’ve never been to Las Vegas before in my life. Maybe, now we know that Dad and Tarkie are safe, we can unwind a little?

“You need to relax, Jane,” says Janice, as though reading my mind. “Maybe we’ll book some spa treatments.”

“Isn’t there a hotel with a circus?” Mum seems a bit mollified. “I wouldn’t mind seeing a circus.”

“Or the Venetian?” I suggest. “We could go on the gondolas.”

“There’s the Egyptian one….” Janice is scrolling on her phone. “The MGM Grand…And we should pop into Caesars Palace. Fabulous shopping, Becky.”

“Elton John,” chimes in Mum suddenly. “Is he still in Las Vegas?”

“Elton John?” interrupts Suze shrilly, and we all jump. “Gondolas? How can you all talk about Elton John and gondolas and Caesars Palace? This isn’t some little vacation we’re on! We’re not here to enjoy ourselves!”

Her eyes glitter accusingly at us, and we all blink back in shock.

“OK,” I say cautiously. “Well, let’s just check in to a hotel and take it from there.”

“Not one of the ghastly theme hotels,” says Alicia, wrinkling her lip in a sneer. “I think we should find a non-theme hotel. Something conservative and businesslike.”

I stare at her in astonishment. Conservative? Businesslike? In Las Vegas? OK, first of all, my mum seriously needs to be distracted from her stress, not sit in some boring, businesslike room, looking at the PowerPoint facilities. And secondly, I want Minnie to have some fun. She deserves it.

“I expect we’ll have to stay wherever we can get rooms,” I say quickly. “Tell you what, I don’t mind making the calls.”

—

“Sorry,” I say to Suze yet again. “I know you wanted to stay somewhere businesslike.”

Suze darts me a suspicious look, and I arrange my features into an expression of regret, even though inside I’m saying, Oh my Gooooood.

We’re standing in the lobby of the Venetian hotel, and it’s the craziest place I’ve ever been. There’s a gigantic ornate dome above us, lined with what look like paintings by Venetian masters. (Maybe just a bit more lurid.) There’s a fountain with a fantastic golden globe sculpture. A man in a red neckerchief is playing the accordion. I feel like we’re already at a tourist attraction, and we haven’t even left the lobby!

Luke returns from the desk, where he’s been checking us in. “Here we are,” he says, waving a stack of room keys. “I couldn’t get all adjoining, but at least we’re all in. And there’s a promotion going on today, so we got a freebie,” he adds, brandishing the other hand. “Complimentary chips for the casino.”

The chips come in a paper roll, like sweeties, and they look so cute. Except they should put mottos on them, like love hearts. If I opened a casino, all my chips would say Good luck! and Try again!

“Complimentary chips? Typical.” Alicia makes a little moue of revulsion. “Well, you can have mine.”

Honestly. We’re in Las Vegas. You have to gamble in Las Vegas, surely. I’ve never gambled before, but I’m sure I can pick it up easily enough.

“So, let’s make a plan,” says Luke, shepherding us toward where Mum and Janice have plonked themselves on their suitcases with Minnie.

“I like it.” Minnie stretches out her chubby little hands toward the casino chips. “Dolly plate, pleeeeease?”

She thinks it’s a dolly plate. That is so sweet.

“Here you are, darling,” I say, taking a chip from Luke and giving it to her. “You can hold the dolly plate, but don’t put it in your mouth.”

I look up to see Suze regarding me, aghast. “You’re giving Minnie gambling chips to play with?” she says.

What?

“Er…Minnie has no idea what it is,” I say carefully. “She’s using it as a dolly plate.”

“Still.” Suze shakes her head, as if I’ve broken some fundamental parenting rule. She glances at Alicia, who is looking equally disapproving.

“It’s a piece of plastic!” I say in disbelief. “In a casino, yes, it’s a gambling chip, but right now, in Minnie’s hand, it’s a dolly plate! What, you think I’m going to let her gamble?”

I don’t understand Suze anymore. To my horror, my eyes have filled with tears, and I turn away. How can she be like this? She barely meets my eye. She never jokes around with me.

It’s Alicia, I think morosely. Alicia Bitch Long-legs has corrupted Suze. I mean, Alicia never had any sense of humor—but at least we knew that. We knew what Alicia was, and we hated her. Now she’s all softly-softly, friendly-friendly on the outside, and Suze has been totally fooled. But the kernel of her is still the same as it ever was. Cold. Humorless. Judgy. And she’s infecting my best friend.

I’m so lost in my miserable thoughts, it takes me a moment to realize that my phone has just beeped with a text.

On way!!! Will arrive las vegas later today!!! kisses danny

Danny! I feel a swell of relief. Danny will make me laugh again. Danny will make everything better.

Danny Kovitz is my famous fashion designer friend, and he’s a total star. The minute he heard Suze was in trouble, he promised to fly out, commandeer his whole staff, whatever it took. He’s really fond of Tarkie too, so of course he wanted to help. (Well, actually, he fancies Tarkie rotten. But that’s not something to mention to Suze.)

“Danny’s nearly here!” I tell Suze. “We can all meet up, have a nice dinner, relax….”

I’m desperately trying to inject a bit of positivity into Suze, but it’s like trying to soften a brick wall.

“I can’t relax, Bex,” she practically spits. “I need to see Tarkie in the flesh. I need to know he’s away from that…character.”

“Listen, Suze,” I say gently. “I know you’re still worried, but you should try to take your mind off things. I’m planning to take Minnie to the shark aquarium. D’you want to come too?”

“I don’t think so.” Suze gives a dismissive shake of the head.

“But you need to do something—”

“I am going to do something. Alicia and I are going to try to find a yoga class. Do some emails, have an early night.”

I stare at her, trying to conceal my shock. Emails? Early night?

“But we’re in Las Vegas! I thought we could go and watch the fountains at the Bellagio and then have a drink….” I trail off at Suze’s forbidding expression.

“I’m not into touristy gimmicks,” she says disdainfully, and Alicia nods in agreement.

I feel a dart of hurt. Since when? She was totally into touristy gimmicks when we went to Seville that time and bought flamenco dresses and wore them out to supper and kept saying “Olé!” to each other. We couldn’t stop laughing. It was one of the best nights of my life. In fact, Suze was the one who had the idea to wear the dresses, now I come to think of it. And she bought a guitar with ribbons on it. How touristy is that?

“Suze, come and see the Bellagio fountains at least,” I say entreatingly. “They’re not gimmicky, they’re iconic. Don’t you remember when we went to see Ocean’s Eleven for the first time and we made a pact to go to Las Vegas one day?”

Suze shrugs blankly, checking her phone as though she has no interest in anything I have to say, and I feel the tears threatening again.

“OK. Well. Enjoy your evening.”

“You do realize we have breakfast with Tarkie and your father at nine tomorrow morning?” Suze fixes me with an accusing gaze.

“Of course!”

“So you won’t be up till all hours, drinking free cocktails and passing out over the roulette table?”

“No!” I say defiantly. “I will not. I’ll be sitting here, bright as a button, at eight-thirty A.M.”

“Well, see you then.”

Suze and Alicia head off down a corridor which looks just like the Sistine Chapel, and I stare after her miserably, then turn back to the others.

“You’ll come and watch the fountains with me?” I appeal to Luke. “And you, Mum? And Janice?”

“Of course we will!” says Mum, who procured a drink from somewhere while Luke was checking us in and is now swigging from it. “You can’t hold us back! My time has come, love. My time has come.”

“What do you mean?” I say, puzzled.

“If your father can go kicking his heels up, then so can I! If your father can run through the family fortune, then so can I!”

Mum has had a slightly mad look in her eye ever since we heard from Dad. Now, gulping her drink, she looks even madder.

“I don’t think Dad’s running through the family fortune,” I say warily.

“How do we know what he’s doing?” counters Mum wildly. “All these years, I’ve been that man’s dutiful wife. I’ve cooked him supper, I’ve made his bed, I’ve hung on his every word….”

OK, that’s rubbish. Mum has never hung on Dad’s every word, and half the time she buys ready meals from Marks & Spencer.

“And now I find that he has secrets and mysteries!” continues Mum. “Lies and conspiracies!”

“Mum, he’s just gone on a little trip, it’s not the end of the world—”

“Lies and conspiracies!” repeats Mum, ignoring me. “Janice, do you fancy a go on the slot machines? Because I know I do.”

“We’ll be back in a jiffy,” says Janice breathlessly, as she follows Mum across the lobby.

Oooookay. I think I’ll need to keep an eye on Mum.

“Minnie, shall we go and see the big fishies?” I turn and give her a hug. She’s been such a poppet, sitting nicely all day in the RV. She deserves a bit of fun now.

“Fishies!” Minnie starts opening her mouth and gulping like a fish.

There’s a little guidebook in the welcome pack which Luke was given, and as I read through the Top Ten Attractions for Kids, I feel a bit gobsmacked. There’s everything here! There’s the Eiffel Tower and New York skyscrapers and Egyptian pyramids and dolphins and circus acts. It’s like someone’s crunched the entire world into one street and left out all the boring bits.

“Come on, sweetheart!” I say, and hold out my hand. I can give Minnie a good time, anyway.