This book is dedicated to my mother-in-law, Lolo, who didn’t like to read the “naughty bits” but was always thrilled by my success anyway. Rest in peace.
“Oh God, where am I?”
Anthony Sokorvsky opened one eye and swiftly closed it again. The birch floorboards he’d glimpsed and the black walls hung with instruments of pain and sexual gratification meant only one thing: he was still at Madame Helene’s pleasure house. He licked his lips, tasting dried blood, brandy and the acrid tang of another man’s cum.
With a groan he rolled onto his stomach, wincing as his morning erection scraped the rough wood. He was naked and still in the punishment corner. At least someone had had the decency to take the manacles from his wrists. Gingerly he sat up, fighting the urge to retch with every painful movement. What the hell had he done last night?
He stifled another groan. Nothing worse, he suspected, than he’d subjected himself to for the last few months. But something had changed. For the first time, the pain had far outweighed the pleasure. His wrists were bruised, his arse hurt and his back was torn from the lash of a whip. He buried his hands in his hair and closed his eyes.
God, what kind of man allowed himself to be used by other men for their sexual pleasure? At first, it had excited him. Now, it simply felt like he deserved it. He was almost twenty-six; surely it was time to move on?
A discreet cough sounded at the doorway. Blinking, Anthony forced himself to look up. Judd, Madame Helene’s butler, bowed and held out a brown embroidered dressing gown.
“Good morning, my lord. I have a fresh set of clothes waiting for you downstairs in Madame’s apartment and a bath if you would like.”
Vaguely, Anthony looked around for his own clothes and couldn’t see them. With a sigh, he held out his hand for the dressing gown.
“Thank you, Judd. I’ll be along in a moment.”
He couldn’t bear to meet the older man’s gaze. What must the butler think of him wallowing in a shameful pool of lust of his own making? His last conscious thought, before sexual pain and pleasure had converged to render him senseless, was of Lord Minshom bending over him—his laughter as Anthony came helplessly against the unforgiving floor.
Grimacing, Anthony stumbled to his feet and grabbed the mantelpiece for support. There must have been others. Faceless, nameless men he’d allowed to fuck and fondle him, hurt him if they liked. God, what was wrong with him?
Sunlight streamed through the windows on the lower levels as Madame’s efficient servants brought the house back to perfection before the revelry began all over again. He felt his way down to the basement, where Madame kept her apartment, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found the bedroom empty, the bath beyond already filled and awaiting him.
With a groan, he sank into the perfumed depths. His flesh stung as he discovered new hurts inflicted upon him. Even his hair was filthy with other men’s leavings. He slid down into the bath and allowed the water to close over his head. For a long moment he held his breath, thought about letting it out, of water filling his lungs, of peace . . .
“Anthony?”
He resurfaced with a start to find Madame Helene sitting beside the bath. She wore a plain blue gown that did little to dim her natural allure. She was easily the most beautiful woman Anthony had ever seen, and he had observed plenty at the pleasure house—Madame Helene made sure of that.
“Anthony, why are you still here?”
He blinked slowly at her, allowing the water droplets to run down his face.
“I’m not sure. I must’ve fallen asleep.”
She sighed and leaned forward to pat his shoulder. He swallowed hard at the soft contact. After the harshness of the night, her touch was almost unbearable. His eyes began to sting.
“Anthony, mon ami, I am worried about you. We are all worried about you.”
He sat up straighter to study her concerned face. “God, Valentin doesn’t know what I do here, does he?”
She shrugged, the motion as fluid and elegant as a cat’s. “I haven’t told him, but Peter knows. I’m not sure if he would tell your brother or not.”
Anthony continued to stare at her, his fingers gripping the edge of the bath until they hurt. “You won’t ever tell Val, will you?”
“Why not? He of all men might understand why you allow these men to do what they want to you.”
“Val wouldn’t understand. After his experiences with Aliabad in Turkey he told me he hates being touched by men. What the hell is he going to say if he thinks I enjoy it?”
Her enigmatic smile was fleeting. “Your brother is a very complicated man. Perhaps you worry more that he still feels responsible for what happened to you.” She stroked his wet skin. “We all feel responsible, Anthony—you were forced into an intolerable situation, drugged, raped and held hostage by a man who . . .”
“I do not want to talk about Aliabad. It happened years ago.” He glared at her. “In truth, I will not discuss it, ever. It has nothing to do with my sexual tastes now.”
Helene stood up, her smile disappearing. “Denial didn’t work for your brother. Why should it work for you?”
Anthony let out his breath. “I’m sorry, madame. You have been nothing but kindness itself, but I cannot continue this ridiculous conversation. I’ve decided to change my ways. I no longer intend to avail myself of your punishment rooms.”
Helene’s skeptical expression didn’t change. “I’m glad to hear it. Perhaps it is time for you to investigate the lighter side of love and romance.”
He managed to nod. “Perhaps you are right.”
She turned toward the door. “Do you wish me to send a message to the shipping office?”
He frowned and tried to look around for a clock.
“What time is it?”
“A little after ten.”
“Then I’m already doomed, I had an appointment with Valentin at nine.”
To the sound of Helene’s soft laughter, Anthony sank back down into the bath until his head was under the water. Val was extraordinarily perceptive. One look at Anthony’s face and he would not only demand an explanation for his lateness, but insist on examining his every action for the past week.
He sensed Helene didn’t believe he meant to change. What did she see in him that made her doubt him? Did he somehow advertise his willingness to be abused on his very countenance? He resurfaced and reached for the cup of coffee Helene had set down for him beside the bath.
“Would you like me to scrub your back?”
Anthony’s startled gaze flew to the doorway. Framed against the sunlight stood Christian Delornay, Helene’s son. A permanent fixture for the last year at the pleasure house, seeing as he now lived there and worked for his mother. In the past, Anthony had never paid much attention to him, being far too busy with his own pursuit of sexual excess to worry about another man’s.
“No, I thank you.”
Christian shrugged, the gesture eloquent of his French upbringing as was his slightly accented English. From his prone position in the bath, Anthony took Christian’s measure and reckoned they were of similar height, although as he understood it, Christian was only twenty.
“Are you sure?”
At Christian’s amused tone, a now familiar burning rage churned in Anthony’s gut.
“Absolutely, and you can get out as well.”
“I am perfectly within my rights to be here. This is my mother’s dressing room after all.” Christian moved closer until Anthony was forced to look up at him.
“You often frequent your mother’s bedroom, do you?”
Christian smiled. “Unworthy of you, Lord Anthony. Try again.”
Anthony closed his eyes. “Get out.”
“I will if you agree to have dinner with me and my sister tonight.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
Christian skimmed his fingers along the rim of the bath. Anthony couldn’t take his eyes away from the slow gliding motion.
“Because I asked? Because you wish me to go away so that you can finish your bath in peace?”
“All right.”
“You will come?”
Anthony glared up at his smiling companion. “I said I would; now get out and shut the door behind you.”
Christian bowed. “We will see you at seven then in the main salon.”
As soon as Christian left, Anthony got out of the bath and dressed hurriedly in the plain brown coat, black breeches and matching waistcoat Judd had left for him. If he caught a cab down to the shipping office by the docks, he should still be able to meet Valentin. He paused to check his reflection in the mirror. His lips were a little bruised and swollen, but apart from that, he looked well enough. Lord Minshom was always very careful not to mark his lovers above the neck.
Anthony hurried up the steps of the Sokorvsky and Howard shipping company and cautiously opened the door to the main office. All seemed serene. He nodded at Taggart the office manager, who frowned and pointed at the clock. With an airy wave, Anthony continued down the hall to the narrow office he inhabited at the back of the two-story building.
He managed to open the shutters and sit down before his older brother strolled in through the open door.
“Good morning, Anthony, or should I say good afternoon?”
Anthony looked up from the quill pen he was pretending to sharpen and into his brother’s face. People always exclaimed over Valentin’s great beauty. Few seemed to notice the intelligence and ruthlessness concealed behind his less-than-amiable violet gaze.
“Good morning, Valentin. What can I do for you?”
“Be on time for your appointments?” Valentin took out his pocket watch and studied it. “We were supposed to meet at nine. It is now almost eleven. Where have you been?”
Anthony tried to look apologetic. “I overslept.”
“You overslept.” Valentin snapped the watch case shut and began to pace the tattered strip of carpet. “That isn’t good enough, Anthony. I run a business here, not a social club for bored aristocrats with nothing better to do with their time.”
Heat rose on Anthony’s cheeks. Trust his brother to come straight to the point. “That’s unfair. I’m always punctual, and I do understand the nature of your business. Hell, I run it when you and Peter are out of town.”
“Until recently I would’ve agreed with you, but in the last three months, you’ve become unreliable. You turn up late, you barely keep your mind on your work and you can’t even remember the names of our clients.” Val stopped pacing and swung around to look at Anthony. “It’s not good enough.”
“This is the first time I’ve been late in over a month! Why are you making so much of it?”
“Because it is a symptom of the whole.”
“What exactly are you trying to say, Val?”
“If you don’t buck up your ideas, I’ll be speaking to Peter about appointing a new deputy.”
Anthony stared down at his clenched hands on the desk. “And what am I supposed to do instead?”
Val sighed. “For God’s sake, Anthony, go back home and enjoy your life of privilege. You’ve worked here for four years and proved your independence to our father. Isn’t it time for you to move on?”
Anthony got to his feet, his eyes level with his half brother. Yet another dismissal. Yet another man who thought him worthless. Anger streamed through him and threatened to submerge his usual common sense.
“Do you think I’m just playing at having a job?”
Val’s eyebrows rose. “I beg your pardon?”
“Do you think you are the only one who can masquerade as a tradesman and yet still be in line for the position of marquis?”
“I don’t want the title. You know that.”
“Easy for you to say when it’s yours, regardless.”
“Do you want it?”
“No! It’s just . . .” Anthony sighed in frustration.
A muscle twitched in Val’s cheek. “Go on.”
“I’ve worked hard for you and I’ve enjoyed every minute. Unlike many of my aristocratic friends, I still have my fortune intact, my health and my wits.”
“I’m not sure about your wits.”
Unease gnawed at Anthony’s gut. “What?”
Valentin held his gaze. “You are late because you spend too much time whoring at Madame’s pleasure house.”
“And you never did that? Strange, I heard your reputation was legendary.”
“I like to fuck, yes, but not like you do.”
Anthony straightened. “And how do you know how I like to fuck?”
“I met Lord Minshom last night. In fact, he deliberately put himself in my way so that I had no choice but to speak to him.”
“So?”
“He told me how much he enjoyed ‘having’ you last night.”
“So?”
Val moved in close. “Dammit, Anthony, that man is a sexual predator of the worst kind. He likes to hurt, to punish and to humiliate.”
“Perhaps he was lying.”
“He wasn’t. This isn’t the first rumor that has reached me about your sexual tastes.”
Anthony found he was trembling, a bone-deep tremor that he couldn’t control. “Did Peter tell you what he saw me doing while you were ‘having’ him?”
Valentin’s face tightened and his hand shot out. Anthony found himself flattened against the wall, Val’s fingers at his throat. Every bruise on his body screamed a protest.
“Peter didn’t tell me anything. And my relationship with him is my own business. This discussion is about you.”
“I am perfectly capable of doing this job.”
Val didn’t release his punishing grip. “Really? Well you have the rest of this month to prove that to me and Peter before we ask you to leave.”
He stepped back and rearranged the sleeve of his navy coat. “I have no wish to tell you how to live your life, but I cannot allow you to ruin my business.”
Anthony cleared his throat. “Nice to see you have your priorities in order, Valentin. Business first, family second. You sound just like our father.”
Valentin’s mouth quirked up in the corner. “For our father, family is business.” He let out his breath. “I have no right to tell you what to do. I can only offer you the benefit of my own experience.”
Anthony stepped away from the wall and resumed his position at his desk. His fingers shook so badly he didn’t dare pick up the pen knife in case he cut himself. He risked a smile at his brother.
“Please don’t, Val. I’ve already had Madame Helene to deal with this morning, and no doubt I’ll be hearing from Peter soon. I’m quite capable of resolving my own mistakes; in fact, I’d already decided to do so.”
Valentin barked a laugh and turned to the door. “That’s what I told myself, and look what a disaster that turned out to be.”
“You have Sara, and a firstborn son. Doesn’t that make you a lucky man?”
Val turned slowly around to stare at Anthony, his fine features for once softer and unguarded. “Yes it does, but I wasted many years denying my true self and what had been done to me.”
“Then if you are at peace with your past, why can’t you believe I will achieve that too?”
Anthony tensed at Valentin’s suddenly shuttered expression.
“I hope you do, brother. I truly hope you do. But allowing a man like Lord Minshom to own you, body and soul, scarcely seems the right way to achieve your aim.”
“He does not own me.”
Valentin’s eyebrows rose. “Perhaps you should tell him that. He sounded remarkably proprietorial.”
Anthony set his jaw and held his brother’s gaze. “Damn you, he does not own me.”
Val bowed and headed for the door. “Then I wish you luck with your new path and hope you do not get led astray again.”
“Thanks, Val. You have nothing to worry about, truly. I’ll be a reformed man.”
His brother’s laugh echoed down the hall as he shut the door. Anthony barely restrained himself from running after him and planting him a facer. How dare his brother have so little faith in his ability to change? How dare he laugh?
Anthony took a deep breath and let it out. He’d prove everyone wrong. He’d become a model citizen, a business man of renown and a noted ladies’ man—as soon as he’d found out what the Delornay twins wanted with him at dinner tonight. A thread of excitement wormed its way through his gloom.