Slade

Chapter Sixteen

Aspen

This cannot be happening right now . . .

Jay leans in and presses his lips against mine while lifting me in the air. Without thinking, I press my hands to his chest and push away from the kiss. This is so unlike me, but he doesn’t even take notice. “Damn, baby,” he moans, while looking down at my breasts and setting me back down to my feet. “You’re looking sexy today. It kind of makes me regret this last week.”

Kind of? Asshole!

I hear something break from behind the bar before I hear Cale calling out Slade’s name. When I look behind me, Slade is leaning over the register, gripping the counter, all of his veins popping out as his muscles flex. He looks like he’s about to kill someone. I cringe at the thought of Slade being pissed off at me. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this all to him. It’s not what it looks like; not exactly.

Jay looks over at the bar and shakes his head before slipping his hands up my skirt and cupping my ass. I instantly grab his hands and yank them away. I don’t like the idea of him touching me sexually in public. When it comes from him it makes me feel dirty; always has.

“Jay. I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow. Why are you here today?” My heart races at the idea of leaving so quickly. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel ready; not one bit. “Why today?”

Jay flashes me his perfectly charming smile and grabs my chin, causing me to look into his brown eyes. They seem so dull compared to Slade’s. “I’m here to hang out with a few of my boys. They’re going out for a few drinks here soon. Figured I would come a day early and have a little fun of my own here in Chicago. Now that I see how incredibly sexy you look, I think I’ll swing by later tonight, pick you up and bring you home.”

“I . . . you should’ve at least told me. Called or sent a text. Something. What if I had plans?” I can’t help my eyes from landing back on Slade. They can’t seem to focus on anything but.

Jay laughs, bringing my attention back to him. It’s not just a laugh, it’s one of those laughs he does when he’s making fun of me. I’ve grown to hate it. He can be such a prick at times. “What is the fun in that? You know I’m a surprise kind of guy and you have plans? I doubt it. Don’t be stupid, Aspen. You know you never have plans that doesn’t include me and that’s the way it will stay.” He leans in and gives me a quick kiss before backing away. “I gotta go. The guys will be meeting up soon. It’s a good thing I remembered where you said Cale worked at. I love surprising you. I’ll text you in a bit for the address. Be ready when I get there.”

He backs away while laughing as if he still can’t get over the idea that I may have plans. It makes me want to scream. I hate when he makes me feel this way. Once he gets to the door, he turns around and heads outside without another word. Good thing for him. I don’t even know what to say or think right now.

I look down at the ground and take a few deep breaths, in an attempt to calm my racing nerves. I can’t even look up right now. I know how bad this must look to Slade and I’m not sure he’ll even give me the chance to explain. It’s why I got so nervous earlier when he was spilling his guts out to me. I just don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have pushed for him to open up to me. It’s a bit hypocritical when I can’t even return the favor. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.

I stand here, not making an attempt to move until I see Slade’s shoes come into view. I hold my breath waiting for what’s to come next as I look up at him.

His expression is hard and cold; eyes so intense that it steals my breath away. “Outside. Now.” His voice seethes anger and could cuts like a knife.

I watch as he walks away and yanks the door open before stepping outside. I feel as if I can’t move. Why do I feel so fucking guilty? Slade is the one that pushed me to this point and he just wanted me for sex; nothing more. He used me. I play tug of war with the confusion in my mind, but . . . then why? Why do I feel like total shit right now?

I gather myself and start heading for the door. Cale tries stopping me, but I hold my arm out to show him that I’m doing this. I need a chance to explain myself. I can’t stand the thought of leaving with Slade hating me. It’s just too much and would eat at me forever.

When I step outside, I look around but don’t see Slade anywhere. I catch a movement in my peripheral vision and he steps around from the back of the building with a cigarette in his mouth. He’s pacing back and forth, not even bothering to look up at me. I can see him shaking as he pulls the cigarette from his mouth and blows the smoke through his lips quickly. He’s really worked up over this and it somewhat surprises me.

He stares off into the distance for a few minutes, before finally walking toward his truck and nods for me to follow.

I take small steps while going over a speech, trying to think of the best way to explain Jay. It’s not an easy thing for me to talk about. Once I get next to his truck, he backs me up against it and places his hands on either sides of me so his hands are pressed against his truck door.

He leans in close to my face; so close I can feel the warmth of his breath kissing my lips. “You have a fucking boyfriend?” His jaw steels as he looks me in the eyes. They hold nothing but pure rage. “This whole fucking time you’ve had a boyfriend and you couldn’t have fucking said something.” He slams his hands against the truck before punching it. “I opened up to you. I let you in and told you things I haven’t talked about in years. I don’t like cheaters. It’s one thing that I hate. I know what I do isn’t much better, but at least I’m always honest first. Fuck, Aspen!”

I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I feel like bursting out in tears right now, but I won’t let it happen. I won’t. “It’s not exactly what you think, Slade. You know nothing about what I’ve been through over the years with that man. You have no right to accuse me of being a shitty person without even listening to what I have to say.”

“What? What do you have to say? That you just needed to get away for a bit and clear your fucking head and then I came along and you decided to just let me fuck you knowing that your boyfriend would never find out. Did you think you could just go back to living your happy fucking life with him? Is that it?”

I feel the anger building up inside as he looks at me accusingly. I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for this. I will not be judged without him even having proper cause.

I push his chest to try to give us some distance, but he doesn’t move. “Fuck you, Slade. Fuck you!” I push him again, but decide to give up. He isn’t budging. “It was him that didn’t want me. You want to know why I’m here. I’ll tell you why. It’s because he decided he needed to fuck other women for a while. He needed a little space before he could give me his full attention. He expected me to be the good little girlfriend while he was back home fucking who knows what. I was supposed to be here just clearing my head and trying to deal with what I had to do to keep him mine. Then, you fucking came along and I caved into you. I broke my own rules for you. I said I wasn’t going to stoop to his level because I loved him too much, but you just had to come along and make me want you; Mr. Irresistible.”

I give him another shove and this time he lets me push him away enough for me to escape him. I can’t look him in the eye right now. I feel too low; the only thing that makes me this way. “We’ve been together for five years. I was afraid of losing him. I was prepared to do anything I could to prove to him that my love for him was strong enough to handle anything. It killed me to know that I wasn’t enough for him; that he needed other women to satisfy him.”

Clenching his jaw, he punches the truck and leans against it. “So you were just going to let him go around fucking everyone and then come back to you like nothing ever happened?”

“Yeah, well. If you must know, I knew how he was to begin with and I let myself fall for him anyways. He was the kind of guy always out to find the next best fuck; staying out late at night and not coming home sometimes. All the lies. The fucking lies.” I stop to wipe a tear off as it falls down my cheek.

I hate letting people see me breakdown. I hate showing what Jay does to me. “All I wanted was for a chance to make that change. I thought if I did this . . . that . . . that he would finally just be mine; that he would love me with everything in him just as I have loved him all along. I thought that I could be enough for once.”

It’s silent for a few seconds before once again, I am pushed up against his truck with his body blocking me in. He wraps his hands in the back of my hair and pulls my face close to his so our lips are almost touching. “If he doesn’t see that you’re enough, then he isn’t fucking worth it. He’s fucking blind. You deserve better.” He pauses and his eyes lock with mine. “Tell me you’re not going back with him.”

“Yes,” I whisper. “I have to.”

He presses his body against mine and his arms flex as his grip on my hair tightens. “No you don’t. Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone better than him . . . better than the both of us, but I’m fucking stingy.”

He runs his hands through my hair and brushes his lips against mine. “Stay here, Aspen.” His breath softly caresses my lips as his breathing picks up. “Don’t leave with him. Let me give you a reason to stay.”

I sigh against his lips, fighting myself. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just throw five years away. We have a lot of history. We live together. He was my first. I can’t just walk away.”

“How do you feel about me,” he growls.

“It was fun, Slade,” I manage to whisper.

Pushing me harder against his truck, he leans into my ear. “That wasn’t the fucking question. Fuck!”

Feeling trapped, I slap him across the face. I don’t know why. I’m just so fucking scared to answer this question; scared of knowing the answer. He always finds a way to push me.

“You like that? Did it fucking feel good?” He presses his erection against me, causing me to moan against his lips. “Harder, dammit.”

Completely lost in the moment, I slap him as hard as I can across the face. It feels good to let my frustration out. Not to mention the fact that his dick flexes from my hit. This man turns me on like no other man can. I’m completely breathless; lost to him.

Without even giving me a second to register his reaction, he picks me up and wraps my legs around his waist. “Here is your reason to stay.”

His hand works fast to pull out his erection before he slips my panties to the side and pushes himself deep inside me. He stops for a moment before rocking his hips back and forth and slamming his lips against mine. My legs tighten around him as my whole body shakes from the feel of him filling me; stretching me.

“Let me make you feel this way every day.” He pushes in deeper before slowly pulling it out and lifting my hands above my head. I’m so turned on right now that I could care less if someone catches us. “Does he makes you feel this way? Does he fuck you as good as I do?”

I shake my head, but don’t answer him. I can’t. I can’t speak.

“Say it. I want to hear you fucking say it.” He leans in against my mouth while rolling his hips in and out, giving me pleasure so intense I feel as if I can’t even breathe. I’m overwhelmed by this man; completely stunned. “Say it, babe.”

“No,” I moan out as he lifts me with his hips and starts moving a little faster. Our bodies are so close that there is no space between us. We’re both desperate for this moment; our last. “No one has.” I lean my head over his shoulder and dig my nails into his back as he works his hips on me.

“Then stay,” he whispers. “Give me a chance to change.”

I shake my head, but he presses his lips against mine, claiming my mouth with his. Once again, this man completely owns me. At this moment, I am almost willing to give him everything; not just my body, but my heart.

With one arm wrapped behind my head, he grips my hip with the other while fucking me hard; rolling his hips and slamming hard into me. He can’t handle taking it slow at the moment and to be honest, neither can I.

“Slade,” I moan out, as my body bounces with each thrust of his strong hips. “Fuck . . .” I grip his hair in my hands and scream out as I feel my orgasm building. The consistent thrusts of his hips and the way he pushes me against the truck with each deep shove, has me ready to explode. “I’m about to come . . . oh shit.” I feel myself clamp around his dick and this only causes his movement to pick up.

I can feel the truck start to move from behind me as he puts all of his anger and frustration into fucking me. His grip on my neck tightens before he moans out and I feel his dick throb as he releases himself inside me. Breathing heavily, we both relax into each other with our eyes locked. I can’t turn away from the beauty of this man in front of me; I don’t want to.

Shit. Why does having him cum inside me turn me on and make me want him even more? I’m so confused.

It’s silent with him still inside me as he leans in once more and presses his lips to mine. They’re soft and sweet, making me want more of them. I always want more. He’s like an addiction. Everything about him just calls out for me; my body needing him to survive. He’s an addiction I’ll have to break. I have no choice. Too bad, I know guys like him will never change. Jay didn’t. I won’t start over with another man that’s just like Jay.

When he pulls away from the kiss, he looks me in the eyes and sighs. He can see my guilt written all over me. He could probably even taste it in our kiss. “You’re still leaving, aren’t you?”

I nod and turn my head away. I can’t do this right now.

“Fucking shit.”

He pulls out of me and gently sets me back down to my feet while pulling his jeans back up. “I don’t blame you for not trusting me,” he says stiffly. “I don’t even trust myself. I don’t know how the fuck I feel. All I know is that with you . . . I feel something and I don’t want to give that up.” He looks away before opening the door for me to get in. “I guess I’ll have to. Me wanting to change isn’t good enough and I fucking get that, but I can’t make any promises. I won’t make one that I know I can’t keep.”

I feel a burning sensation in my chest and it becomes hard to breathe. It’s taking everything in me not to cry right now. As wrong as it was, we both needed that one last time. It’s unfortunate that it felt even better than the last two. I will forever be fucked after leaving here. Slade isn’t someone you can easily forget about. I already feel that; the pain is too strong to ignore.

I haven’t spoken to Slade since we got back to the house a couple of hours ago. I decided to lock myself up in Cale’s room and hide. I can’t face him at the moment, because seeing him will only make me want to change my mind about going. I can’t stay though. He’ll only hurt me more than Jay has. Jay made a promise to me this time. I have to believe for the sake of our relationship that he means it. I’ve held on for five years, it has to be worth something.

Right . . .

I’m sitting here on Cale’s bed with my suitcase next to me, staring up at the ceiling, when my phone goes off. My hand shakes as I go to reach for it because I know my time is up. I’m not ready yet. A big part of me is holding me back and telling me to stay.

The look in Slade’s eyes was almost enough to convince me he wanted me. I could see the struggle within himself while he was asking me to stay. Asking a girl to stay with him is not something he’s used to. I think we both know that it wouldn’t last. I couldn’t commit myself to the pain of losing a man as great as him. I already feel attached and I barely know him. I can’t even imagine how I could feel in a few months. I would fall hard and fast . . . right on my face.

I have to go. Home is where I need to be.

I already know that Jay is outside because I hear a car door slam. He’s most likely opening the trunk for my luggage. I just hope Slade didn’t hear it, because I can’t face seeing the hurt in his eyes. He didn’t speak to me the whole way back to the house. It killed me. I just need to slip out of here unnoticed. I can’t let my heart break anymore tonight.

I grab my suitcase, stand up and drag it over to the door. When I open the door, I look around but don’t see Slade anywhere. I should be happy.

Right?

I find myself standing here for a moment, not wanting to move. I feel stuck. I allow myself a few moments of pity, suck it up and make my way outside. The first thing I notice is that Slade’s motorcycle is gone. Not sure how I missed him leaving, but he’s gone and the ache in my chest returns. I’ll probably never see him again. The thought kills me.

Why does it hurt so much? Why do I wish he was here so I could see him one last time?

Jay stands next to the trunk, but doesn’t make a move to help me as I drag my suitcase across the ground. Usually, this wouldn’t bother me because I’m used to him being this way, but right now, it bothers me. It bothers me a lot. Slade may be all tough and closed off, but he would help me without a second thought. I know that and I love that about him. He’s more than what he shows the world. There’s a really great side to him that I love and want more of.

Dammit, this is so hard.

I feel numb and closed off as I step up beside Jay and look at him. I thought I would be happy for this moment . . . but I’m not. I’m fucking miserable right now. Seeing him is doing nothing but making me angry. The feeling of wanting to kiss him has now been replaced with wanting to punch him. Unlike Slade, he wouldn’t get off on it.

Fucking Slade. Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

I stop and look around as if I expect Slade to just pull up on his bike, jump off and kiss me; save me from this possible mistake. The thought gives me the ultimate rush like it did when he kissed me in the bar with the assumption that guy was trying to pick me up. I loved that. It made me feel sexy and wanted. Something I’ve never really felt with Jay.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Come on,” he says while looking down at his phone impatiently. “I have to be to work early and it’s a long drive.”

I let out a soft breath and struggle with tossing my suitcase into the back. He doesn’t even notice. He’s too busy on his damn phone. I really feel a lot of hate for him right now; enough to almost stay.

I get ready to say something, but he looks up and smiles. It’s the sweet smile that I fell in love with. “Missed you, gorgeous.”

I feel a little bit of my anger fade, but not enough. “I missed you too,” I say while shutting the trunk and walking over to get inside the car. I feel like shit because to be honest with myself, I don’t mean it; not one bit of me.

I just hope I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life