Slow Heat

Chapter 28

The next day, the Heat took Seattle at home by the skin of their teeth, and Wade took a cleat to the shin. It happened in the last inning, and he spent a long time in the shower afterwards trying to get the ache out. But his shin wasn’t the only thing that hurt. His chest hurt, his gut hurt.

Everything fucking hurt.

By the time he dressed, the clubhouse had pretty much cleared out. Pace had gone home with Holly. Most of the guys, happy to be back in Santa Barbara, had plans with family. Sam had avoided him pre-game, and was doing the same now, so Wade grabbed his keys and left.

He went home, but the empty house mocked him. Even his father had somewhere to be, leaving Wade truly the only one with nobody. He got back into his car. He drove, having no idea what his destination was.

He ended up at Sam’s building. He wasn’t sure why, but hell, now that he was here, it’d be rude not to go in and see her. Tag opened the door to his knock, and with a look of disappointment, peered behind Wade.

“You got someone better coming over?” Wade asked him.

“Pizza,” Tag said.

Wade nudged the kid aside and walked into the condo, staring in surprise at his father, who was sitting at the dining room table. “What are you doing here?”

“Keeping the kid and his tutor company.”

Wade took a long look at his dad, who seemed more than a little strung out. “You okay?”

“Trying to be.” John was indeed fighting his addiction, but Wade wasn’t sure he was winning.

“Anyone know where Sam went?”

“No se.” Tag grinned. “That’s Spanish for I don’t know. Your dad taught it to me. Want to know what else he taught me?”

“Uh…” John was frantically trying to get Tag’s attention, making the motion of a knife slicing across his neck. “Ixnay on the haring-shay, please.”

“Comer mierda,” Tag said proudly.

Eat shit? Wade narrowed his gaze at his father, who had found something fascinating to study on the ceiling.

“He paid me to say it to the cab driver who brought him here,” Tag said.

“Christ, Dad.”

“Sorry, but the guy was a real prick.”

“Prick,” Tag repeated.

Wade pulled out his wallet and handed Tag a ten.

Tag pocketed the money and when it was out of sight, he asked “What was that for?”

“To notrepeat anything my father says.”

“Sweet.”

“Got any for me?” his father asked, palm out.

“No. You’ve bled me dry.” He pointed at Tag. “Behave yourself.”

“Okay. So are you going to go out, too? Like Aunt Sam?”

Wade’s world stuttered to a halt. “What?”

John fake coughed and said, “You snooze, you lose,” at the same time.

“Dad, a moment?” Wade jerked his head toward the kitchen.

“Can’t. Sorry. Very busy.”

“Now.”

John sighed and rose to his feet, meeting Wade in front of the stove. “This isn’t my fault. This time it’s your bone-headedness, son, all on your own. I’m completely innocent.”

“Where is she?”

“Don’t know.”

Wade gave up on him and went to Tag. “Do you know how to reach your aunt?”

“Uh-huh. I always know, on accounta’ we’re family,” he said, clearly repeating back Sam’s words verbatim.

“Okay, good. So…?”

Tag slid him a sly look. “So now it’s okay to tell a secret?”

Shit, the kid was good. “Is it a secret?”

Tag just looked at him.

“Sorry, man, but no more cash tonight.”

Tag sighed. “I can call her and she’ll come back. She told me to call her if I needed anything, that she’d be here in a jiffy.”

Which was no help for Wade. “Same goes for me, kiddo. You need me, you call. Anytime, okay?”

“ ’Kay.”

With one last long look at his father, Wade headed out. Stopping in front of his car, he reached into his pocket for his keys and glanced at the window of the Italian restaurant across the street.

Sam was sitting inside at a table near the window. She was with a man, talking animatedly, and laughing. Then the man reached over and kissed her right on the lips, and Wade abruptly shoved his keys back in his pocket and strode inside.

Sam looked up as he got to their table, still laughing at something the man with her had just said, her eyes widening in surprise. “Wade.”

“That was quick,” Wade said, surprised that his voice sounded normal since he felt like his guts had just been ripped out.

The man sitting across from Sam, the one who was going to lose his face to Wade’s fist if he kissed her again, smiled and leaned back in his chair, studying Wade thoughtfully. “I think you were wrong about him, babe.”

While Wade chewed on the endearment babe, Sam looked Wade over.

“No,” she finally said cryptically. “I wasn’t wrong.”

The man squeezed her fingers and brought them to his lips. Wade nearly leaned across the table to break his wrist, but Sam shook her head. “Ernie, stop it.”

“Aw,” Ernie said on a smile. “You’re no fun.”

And since he didn’t stop it, or drop Sam’s fingers, Wade softly said, “Drop her hand or lose it.”

Ernie laughed silkily as he let go of Sam and slid her a look. “How about now? Still going to try to tell me he’s happy it’s over?”

“Ernie…” she warned.

“Fine.” He stood and held out a hand to Wade. “Ernie Rodriquez. Nice triple homer in Chicago.”

“Thanks.” Wade felt Sam watching him with a look he couldn’t begin to comprehend, and he met her gaze.

“Ernie and I were putting finishing touches on the charity dinner,” she said. “Ernie’s catering.”

“My first over-three-hundred-person event.” Ernie grinned. “Looking forward to seeing you in a tux, big guy.” He patted Wade’s arm, lingering at the biceps, letting out a hum of pleasure before walking into the kitchen.

Wade stared after him until Sam cleared her throat. He looked down at her.

“You look confused,” she said.

“A little.”

“Poor baby.” She stood, gathering files and pictures and her BlackBerry, shoving them into her briefcase. “Let me give you the short version. First you dumped me, then you see me out with another man and come charging in here to… Well, I don’t know what exactly, but you end up getting hit on by the very man you wanted to protect me from. I can see why you’d be confused, seeing as you’ve acted like a complete ass.”

“Wait a minute.” He shook his head. “I didn’t dump you. You dumped me.”

She made a sound that managed to perfectly convey what she thought of his intelligence level, and walked out of the restaurant.

He followed.

“Fine,” she said. “I dumped you. A minute before you could dump me. It was self-preservation.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t have time to explain it to you. I’ve got to go.” She gave him her professional smile, the one that was chilly enough that he suddenly needed a coat. And then left him standing on the sidewalk wondering what the fuck had just happened as he was ogled by Ernie from the restaurant window.

Not surprisingly, the next day Wade played like shit. He had no explanation for why he struck out twice, missed an easy fly, and overthrew to third, causing two runs, which was the exact number they lost by.

No explanation at all. Everything was fine. Fucking fine.

The guys didn’t say much to him as they left the field, though their bafflement was clear. Wade was usually the rock, the motivator, the go-to guy. He didn’t have off days, he didn’t let anything get to him.

“You sick?” Henry asked him.

Wouldn’t that be a handy excuse? He shook his head.

“You sure? You’re flushed. Maybe you’re coming down with something.”

Joe nodded. “Tea, man. Try chamomile.”

“Or Earl Grey,” Henry said. “You need to be on tomorrow.”

Wade nodded. He’d be on.

Or dead.

He wasn’t sure which. But the ball of anxiety, frustration, and temper sitting on his chest had to go away or explode. That simple. He was self-destructing. He’d self-destructed with Sam by letting her believe it was only great sex, by not letting her know what she meant to him. He’d self-destructed with his dad by holding back when the guy was trying, finally giving all he had. It should have been easy to hurt John O’Riley. Instead, it left Wade feeling sick inside, because it was one thing to hold on to his self-righteous anger when his dad was being a drunk.

It was another entirely when his dad was being a remorseful ex-drunk.

Pace slung an easy arm around Wade’s shoulders, slowing him down, separating him from the rest of the team. “What was that?”

“No idea.”

“You need to talk?”

“If you suggest a tea, I’m going to hurt you.”

Pace studied him for a beat. “You letting John fuck with your head?”

“No.”

“Sam?”

Wade closed his eyes. “It’s me. I’m fucking with my head. I screwed up. I’m an ass.”

“Hey, knowing it is half the battle.”

Wade tried to shrug him off, but Pace was like a pit bull when he wanted to be. “Fuck, Pace. Now what?”

“Just giving you a minute to collect yourself.” Pace was looking at the entrance to the locker room, where Gage stood waiting, dark eyes fixed on Wade. “Gage’s going to bust your ass.”

“I’m fine.” Wade walked up to Gage to get it over with.

The youngest, smartest, sharpest, shrewdest team manager in the MLB looked Wade over carefully. “Talk to me,” he said.

Wade shrugged. “Bad night.”

“That’s all you’ve got?”

Well, he sure as hell had nothing else.

Gage blew out a breath. “Does the bad night have anything to do with the fact that Sam dumped your sorry ass?”

“How did you know that?”

“Fuck, Wade. I told you this was a bad idea. You don’t even want a woman in your life. Right?”

“Right.”

“So get over it. Get over it by tomorrow’s game or I’ll kick your ass until you’re over it. And if anyone asks, I already kicked your ass.”

Wade showered, changed, and slinked out into the shower room, hoping like hell to just be alone.

He got his wish. It was quiet, and though a few of the guys were moving around, no one was talking. And Sam was nowhere to be seen, which shouldn’t have mattered, but did. She was almost always around after a game.

Not today. She and Tag were gone.

Torn between relief that he didn’t have to face her, and a bone-deep regret that made his chest ache, he drove home.

And was shocked to find Sam sitting on his porch step waiting for him. He sat in his car staring at her through the windshield. Don’t fuck up, he told himself, then had to laugh because that’s all he’d ever done when it came to her. With a sigh, he shoved out of the car and took the walk to the gallows. He sat down next to her and let out a breath, prepared for her to let him have it, and she didn’t hold back.

“You’re either an idiot or a moron,” she said.

He dropped his head into his hands. “Is there another choice?”

“That weekend we went to Mark’s wedding, when we were in our pretendrelationship…” She paused until he looked at her. “Up until that point, I had a pretty hardcore crush on you, Wade. I think it was your green eyes. They’re the color of moss on a rainy day.”

Surprised, he blinked. “You had a crush on me?”

She smiled a little sadly. “I know. I always acted like I couldn’t care less, but that was just self-preservation after Atlanta.” She shrugged. “I always felt off balance around you.”

He understood that. Sometimes he had trouble finding his balance around her as well, though she usually located it for him just fine.

“The truth is,” she said. “Pretending to be with you was harder than I could have imagined, because I kept forgetting to pretend.”

He understood that, too. “Sam-”

“I watched you with Tag, saw how you put yourself out there with him, no hesitation. I watched you with your father, how even when you were so angry, you couldn’t turn him out. And I realized my feelings for you had… deepened.”

Despite feeling the urge to hide, he couldn’t look away to save his life. “You weren’t alone in that,” he managed. “I told you I was falling for you.”

“Yes. In a light and easy way. But as it turns out, I fell harder. As hard as you can, actually.”

His brain froze, like it did when he drank a slushee too fast or inhaled ice cream. And like a complete idiot, he just stared at her. “Sam-”

She stood up. “I get that I was rough on you. Unfairly so. I expected too much and I’m sorry for that. I just want you to know, I can be a grown-up about this. It won’t be awkward at work or anything.”

Awkward? She was worried about awkward? She had no idea that absolutely nothing was the same when she wasn’t in his life. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover it. How about devastating and empty and…

Hell. His mind was spinning and it couldn’t seem to touch down. “Sam.” Shit. He’d already said that. “I-”

“I’m trying to make this easy. Because that’s how you like things. Easy women, easy job, easy everything. I can give that to you. Good-bye, Wade.” With one last look into his eyes, she walked away.

And though he hated himself for it, he let her. Because she was right. He liked things easy. He needed things easy.

Except nothing about any of this felt easy…