Spin

twenty-eight.

I thought Katrina would come home and collapse, but when I walked in and found the house empty, I was the one who collapsed, throwing myself on the couch with my forearm over my eyes. They hurt from crying and would continue to hurt because the tears came again. I didn’t even know what I was crying about exactly. Was it stress? Or the man I knew was going to die? Or the fact that I was responsible? Was it because I was pretty sure I had been about to kill him myself?

I don’t know how long I laid there like that, but I fell asleep. I woke to a knock on the door. I looked out the peephole and felt so much relief that I whispered his name when I saw him. I opened the door.

“Contessa.” His voice was rough.

“Capo.” I leaned on the door, looking up at his eyes, sunken and tired and a little bloodshot. They flinched when I called him that then warmed.

“Send me away,” he said. “Slam this door in my face.”

I stepped aside and let him in.

“I tried to stay away,” he said. “I’ve never wanted a woman this much in my life. I’d burn cities to have you. I’d fight armies. I’d commit murder to take you right now.”

I grabbed his lapels and pulled off his jacket. He let me slide it down his arms. I didn’t ask him any questions as I unbuttoned his cuffs. I didn’t ask how he was when I undid the front of his shirt. I must have been a sight with my swollen eyes and stained cheeks.

He touched his thumb to the hollow of my eye. “You were crying.”

I put my fingers on his lips, shushing him, and he kissed the tips.

“I can’t keep away from you,” he rasped.

“Don’t. Don’t ever.” I took his hand. “Come. Let’s wash tonight off.”

I pulled him upstairs, walking backward. Halfway up, he lifted me. I hooked my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, letting him carry me to my bedroom. We didn’t kiss but kept our eyes open and our faces close, sharing breath and space.

He set me on my dresser. I finished unbuttoning his shirt and slid it off. I got his undershirt off so fast his gold charm clinked and dropped. That’s when I noticed the yellow hospital wristband.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I’m fine.”

“You were admitted.”

“Somebody had to be. For the records. Otherwise they have to report a gunshot wound, even in the hand. Nobody wants that.”

I inspected his face for a second.

“What is it, Contessa?”

“You took him to the hospital?”

“To a doctor I know at the hospital. We have people for emergencies.”

My face got hot again. I felt my nose tingle and my eyes moisten. “You didn’t kill him?”

“No.”

A breath whooshed out of my mouth, and I cried with a smile. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to see you again. I didn’t mean—” I was lost in tears.

“He’s ambitious, and he saw an opening. What he did is past forgiving, but I kept seeing your face.” He looked away and set his jaw. “If he comes near you again, I will kill him.”

He held my chin in those powerful hands and tilted my face up. Our mouths crashed together. Our arms twined around each other, seeking purchase, finding it, an moving again.

He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, “When you left my office, I thought I’d never see you again, and it made me crazy. I was so angry at myself, I did stupid things it’ll take years to fix. God forgive me.”

I held him, kissing his neck and cheek with all the tenderness and forgiveness I could manage. It wasn’t enough, not by a lot, but it was all I had. I wanted his skin against mine. I pulled my shirt off and twisted out of my bra.

Looking down, he touched my nipples with the backs of his fingers. “This is wrong. We’re wrong. You and I. One of us is going to get the other one killed.”

“I think about you all the time.”

“I can’t let you into my world. It won’t work. They’ll rip you to shreds.”

“I touch myself thinking of you.”

“I’ve done things I can never talk about. Even knowing what they are could hurt you.”

I slid off the dresser and took his hands. “Come with me.” I led him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I wiggled out of my pants then reached for his waistband.

“This doesn’t fix anything,” he said.

“There’s nothing to fix.” I unfastened his trousers, and they dropped to the floor. I reached into his underwear and got out his cock. “This works.”

“It’s for fucking you.”

I snapped the shower door open. “Never stop putting that cock in me.”

He kissed me hard, pushing my head against the wall. “God help me. You make me crazy. We can’t be together, but you’re all I think about. Making you mine completely.”

“I’ll be yours. Let me be,” I said.

“You’ll be destroyed, Contessa. Peacetime is over. If anything happened to you—”

“We won’t tell anyone. I’ll be your secret, and you’ll be mine. We’ll meet in the night, when no one can see.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“No, we’ll say it’s over. It’s that, or nothing. If never seeing me again works for you, then go. I won’t chase you again.”

“Promise?” he asked.

His body relaxed, and I thought he was really going to go. It seemed impossible that his body wouldn’t be pressed on mine, but it was his choice to make.

“I promise. I have the will to do it.”

He put his nose to mine, his eyes scanning my face, then dropped his gaze. “I believe you.” He kissed me, and the rigid pressure of his body returned. “You have the will, but I don’t. I have to have you. Tonight and after, you’re mine. Your first loyalty is to me. Every moan on your lips. Every wet drop from your cunt. When the thought of fucking crosses your mind, it’s mine. Say it.”

“I’m yours, Capo.”

“No more halfway bullshit.”

I swallowed nervously, because I didn’t want to test our resolve or find out his desire truly was halfway, but I wanted to surrender completely to our pledge.

“I want your skin on my skin.” I hated to bring it up, but it was my last chance. “After I found out Daniel cheated on me, I got tested for everything. I’m clean. And I left the IUD in.”

He smiled, and my heart opened. “I’m a condom guy.”

“Every time?”

“Of course.”

“No halfway bullshit, then.”

I got into the shower. He peeled off his underwear and joined me.

The water was hot and powerful. He leaned his head back and let it fall over his face in rivulets. The water darkened his lashes, making them stick together. I rolled the rectangle of soap in my hands then put them on his neck, running soap over the curves of his body. Shoulders, biceps, forearms, the space of his chest under the gold chain with the circle charm. He enfolded my hands in his, transferring the soap.

“What’s this?” I asked, touching the gold medal.

“Saint Christopher. Patron saint of protection.”

“Does it work?” I kissed it and the skin around it.

“Am I dead?”

I took his cock in my hand. “Apparently not.”

Turning me, he put his hands between my shoulders, my ass, the backs of my thighs, then up the crack, massaging my pussy with his finger and my ass with his thumb. I picked up my leg and rested it on the ledge so he could get his fingers farther into me.

“Oh God, Antonio. I’ve wanted you for days.”

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, little princess. I’m going to break you in two.”

I twisted to face him.“Do it. Take me hard.”

He looped his arm under my knee, pulling it up. The skin of his dick was so smooth on my pussy, he stretched and slid into me. He had to thrust twice more to get all the way in, hitching up my leg. He was so rough that I had no choice but to be a doll in his hands.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he said, pressing his thumb to my ass.

“Hard, please, Capo. Take me hard.”

“Have you ever been fucked in the ass, little princess?”

“No.”

“I’m taking your ass, right here.” He grabbed my conditioner and squeezed the cold, viscous liquid down my crack. “Are you ready?”

“I don’t know.” I was nervous and admittedly aroused.

He fucked my pussy hard and wedged his fingers in my ass. “Your little ass is so tight. It’s so sweet.”

His fingers sliding in and out of me, stretching me, opened up new pleasure. “Oh, that feels so good.”

He took his dick out of me and lodged it at my pucker. “You ready for me to fuck your ass?”

“Yes.”

“Relax.”

I tried to relax as he pushed forward. I had to brace against the tile, and he couldn’t get in.

He reached around and put four fingers on my clit and his lips on the back of my neck. “Relax, sweet girl. Let me take you. Let me own you.”

I groaned with the rising warmth under his fingers and relaxed. The head of his cock slid into me, and the invasion made me tense. I gasped.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” He put his other arm tight around me and grabbed my breast. I felt bound and secure, unable to do anything but let go. “This ass was made for me.”

He jammed forward, and I screamed, getting hot shower water in my mouth.

“What do you want, Contessa?”

He was asking if I was all right, and he waited for me to answer before he moved again. I needed a moment to breathe and took it. I shifted my hips until I felt better.

“I want you,” I said. “I want you to fuck my virgin ass so hard.”

He gripped me harder and pulled his dick out. The pleasure was overwhelming, reaching right to my clit, where his hand still gripped me.

“Take it,” he growled in my ear as he slammed into me again.

“Oh, God. Fuck me in the ass.”

“I love it. I love fucking your ass.”

He pumped hard, rubbing my clit and stretching my ass farther than I thought possible. I kept whispering take me take me as the feeling of an impending explosion built. I went far away in my mind, past words, past thoughts, pain, pleasure. I was only his fingers and his cock, knowing me in a way I’d never been known before.

“You’re going to come,” he said. “I can feel it.”

I grunted. The fuse sparked close to the keg, crackling and bright.

“Come on. Give it to me.”

My ass clenched and pulsed around him, and my legs dropped under me. He held me up as I had the most powerful orgasm of my life, a slow motion detonation, every piece of flak airborne in its own sweet time, trailing smoke behind. I didn’t realize I was screaming until the last bits of fiery shrapnel floated to the ground, as if I’d been unconscious. I woke to Antonio thrusting hard, slow, with a different rhythm.

“…in your ass, Contessa, si, si, si…” he whispered in Italian, sweet words I didn’t understand.

“Come, Capo. Come inside me.”

His groan was loud and final. A few more thrusts, and he molded his chest to my back, our rising and falling bodies matched in time.

“Bene.”

He kissed my shoulder. He pulled his dick from me, and I sucked in a breath.

“Bene is right,” I said.

He stood up straight, and I turned around.

“Now we should shower, no?”

I laughed, and his smile lit up the room. We washed and toweled each other dry.

“Can you stay for a few hours?” I asked. “You can still slip out in the night.”

“I have to take care of Uvoli, still. There are consequences to what happened with you and Bruno, and me. I have to talk with people.” He reached for his clothes.

“I thought I saw him at Zia’s."

"It's complex," he said. "But I can't go backward with him. He has it in his mind you mean something to me."

"He's wrong." I snapped his jacket away. It had his burned pine smell all over it. “Let me keep this. To remember you when you’re pretending you don’t own me.”

“While I’m telling lies about you?” He dropped his clothes and pulled the jacket from me.

“Tell me the lies. For practice.”

He kissed my cheek. “I will tell them I fucked her once, and she got attached. But she knows the DA and will cause us trouble if she’s hurt. I’ll say I don’t trust her. She means nothing to me.”

“Like you said about Marina?”

“It was the truth about her.” He pushed me onto the bed. “About you, I’ll lie. Say you’re not the most beautiful woman I’ve met. You’re not sexy. You’re cold, unpleasant. Nothing a man would want to keep.”

I touched his face, his lips, his stubble, his insane lashes. “What would it be like to be your girlfriend?”

He kissed my cheek and jaw. “We’d be friends first. And no touching.”

“No touching?”

“No kissing, no touching.”

“That wouldn’t work.”

He kissed my chest and breasts gently, little flicks of his tongue on my nipples. “You’d live with your parents, and I would come to visit you. We would sit and talk in the garden. Your mother would cook for me, and I would sit at the table with your family.” He moved down to my belly, exploring every inch of it. “I would see you at church. Other men would talk to you, and I’d chase them away. Your father would hate me for a while. Then he would approve. I might touch your hand when no one is looking.”

He got up on his knees and opened my legs. “I would fuck other women and you’d understand, because we hadn’t even kissed.” He brushed his lips inside my knee. “Then I’d ask your father for your hand, and when he said yes, I stop fucking other women.” He ran his tongue inside my thigh. “You’d plan the wedding, and I’d work. I’d build myself. Being young and blind, I wouldn’t see that you’re now a target for my enemies.”

He kissed my pussy gently. “You’d cry on our wedding night and call me a brute.” His tongue flicked my clit. “You’d tell your mother I’m an animal. I’d promise to never fuck you like that again. I’d promise to be tender always.” His tongue ran the length of my lips, circling the clit twice, then back to my opening. “It wouldn’t matter. You’d be part of my life. My world. You’d get hard and cunning to survive, or you’d stay gentle and die.”

“Antonio,” I whispered, “can you do it like that? Can you do it gentle?”

He crawled up until we were face to face. “Come vuoi tu.”

I pushed against him, feeling his hard cock on my pussy. My ass was sore, but I wanted him again already. He guided himself in, and I took him slowly, his shaft angled to rub against my clit.

“Oh, that’s nice.” I groaned.

He rocked against me, pushing all the way in. “You’re so sexy. I love watching you walk, how your body moves under your clothes. How beautiful. How straight you are for the world, and how you bend and cry for me. I want to go so deep in you we have the same thoughts.”

His eyes were unguarded, open, warm for me. The swelling in my pussy blossomed as I looked into his face. The sight and feeling mixed, becoming a swirl of emotion and sensation. We moved so slowly together that I felt everything, every inch of skin touching, every firing sliver of pleasure.

“I’m close, Contessa.”

“Can you come with me?”

His face contorted with effort. “Soon. I’m trying to stay slow.”

“You’re amazing, Antonio. Amazing.”

The last word barely made it out of my mouth as I was overcome with electricity. He jerked, slammed into me, and I cried out. He’d put me over the edge. I clawed his back as he jerked and thrust, growling my name. I spread my legs farther, feeling him against and inside me. We came as a crawling, rolling, single creature, as if we were having one orgasm. Even afterward, our breathing was the same and our hearts beat in time.

“I need to see you again soon,” he said into my cheek.

“You’ll come secretly in the night.”

“Yes. I will. Be ready.”

Downstairs, the door opened and banged shut.

“Maybe not so secretly,” I said.

“Ah, this is the director?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there another way out?”

“No,” I said. “But I trust her.”

He got up. “Good for you.”

We went downstairs together, dressed and clean, to find Katrina standing in front of the television with a quart of salty vanilla ice cream and a spoon.

“You’re up early,” she called over her shoulder. “Did I wake… Oh, hello,” she said when she turned. “Nice to see you again, Mister Spin.”

“Katrina, you’re up late. Or early, perhaps?”

She put her ice cream down and jammed the spoon into it. “Because I’m amazing!” She threw her arms up like a cheerleader.

“Oh dear, what now?” I crossed my arms.

“I got post-production financing!”

“Oh my god! How? Who? What?”

She said the next part so cheerfully, as if painting on a cartoon face. “Scott Mabat.” She did a little jazz hands shake.

“What?” I yelled.

“Gesu Cristo!” Antonio exclaimed.

Her knees bent, and her hands went from jazz to stop. “I have a plan.”

“This better be good, Directrix.”

“I take the money, start post, and get fresh financing from this German investor who’s been sniffing around. I can keep the energy up, then just pay him off when the German money comes in.”

“That guy”—Antonio pointed—“is a lowlife. Okay? He is worthless shit, and he’s sick in the head. How much did you get from him?”

“Hundred thou,” she said.

Antonio and I groaned.

“That’s what it costs to finish a movie, guys. And that’s cheap. I’m sorry but these are realities.”

“Screw the Germans,” I said. “I’m giving you the money.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’ll pay the note, and you’ll be done with it.” I turned to walk Antonio out. “Come on, I’ll finish with her.”

“Hey, Spin,” called Katrina as I opened the door. “You should come to the wrap party Saturday night. Strong chance of epic.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said.

I pushed him outside and closed the door behind us. The stars were drowned out by the light of Los Angeles.

“You’re coming up with that kind of money?” he asked.

“Yes. My family is well-off. I have a trust, and I can use it for whatever I want.”

He put his fingers on my chin. “I know all about your family. If Scott wants cash, you do not transport it by yourself. And you are not to see him without me. No negotiating.”

“We’re supposed to be a secret.”

“Call him, don’t see him. I’m serious. You don’t know what you’re exposing yourself to.”

I put my hands on his chest. He’d left his jacket upstairs for me, and I felt his muscles through the shirt. “I’ll stay away from all the loan sharks in Los Angeles.”

“Please. I ask only this, please.”

“How are you getting home? You came in my car.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

I pulled away a little, so I could see the entirety of his face. “Don’t feel pressured to answer this question.”

“I won’t.”

“Did she stay gentle? Or did she become cunning and hard?”

“She stayed gentle.”

I didn’t feel right pressing him further. We kissed again, and I let him go.