Straddling the Line

TWENTY-TWO

HAVEN SAT ON THE CEMENT BENCH THEY’D ERECTED in front of her father’s grave, staring at the headstone marked with his name, his dates of birth and death, and the words Husband, Father, Friend To So Many etched on his tombstone.

She swiped at the tears, knowing how her dad would tell her not to cry over him.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I know you’d be mad at me for the things I said to Mom. But it’s like she’s forgotten you. She’s got this whole new life now. It’s like she’s moved on, and I can’t seem to do that. I guess I’m not as strong. I need your help.”

She shuddered as she inhaled, wishing like anything she could feel her dad’s big strong arms around her right now. Just one more time.

“Remember when we’d sit in the living room and watch football together? Remember the popcorn fights? Mom would get so mad at us about that.”

“That’s because I’d have to do all the vacuuming, and a week later I’d still find popcorn kernels.”

She half turned to find her mother standing just behind her. She came and sat on the bench next to her.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you. It was rude and unforgivable,” Haven said.

Her mother put her arm around her. “You have no need to apologize. You were always taught to say what was on your mind.”

“Not like that. It was disrespectful. Please forgive me.”

“You’re forgiven. I know what I’m doing must seem to you like I’ve moved on from your father, when nothing could be further from the truth, Haven.” Her mother stared at the headstone, and Haven saw tears shimmer in her eyes. “God, I loved that man with all my heart and soul. There will never be a love in my life like him. He was the first, the last, and everything to me.”

Haven sniffled, and then she realized that her mother had buried the love of her life. It had been utterly and completely cruel of her to throw those words at her mother. Haven had lost her father, but her mother had lost the man she had loved for more than thirty-three years. She took her mother’s hand and squeezed it.

“But your father made me promise that I wouldn’t stop living, that I’d continue to follow my dreams. And I did promise him that. When the school told me about the dorm parent situation, I figured I’d make good on that promise and go back to school—back to teaching again. I’d gotten a little complacent. And if I sit in that house and wallow about losing your father, I’ll lose myself as well, Haven. I can’t do that. I have to keep living. Not just for you, but for myself. And for your dad.”

Haven nodded. “I know you do.”

Her mother turned to her. “And so do you. Your father would be so disappointed in you if you allowed your world to stop because he died.”

Haven inhaled on a sob. “I know he would. But I miss him so much.”

“We still have each other. For as long as I’m alive, we’ll still have each other. But you have to go out and find your life, my sweet baby girl. Promise me you’ll do that.”

Her mother wrapped her up in her arms. And just like that, she felt the warmth of love surrounding her. It was as if for that moment, she felt her dad’s presence there, as well. Maybe it was just her imagination, or wishful thinking, but a sense of well-being enveloped her.

“I will. I promise, Mom. Things will be better now. For both of us.”

She looked at her dad’s headstone, and for the first time since he died, she was able to think about the future without that future feeling empty.

Okay, Dad. For you. For Mom. It’s time for all of us to move on.

TREVOR PUT AWAY THE LEFTOVER STEW AND DID THE dishes, and even made another pitcher of tea, needing to keep his hands and his mind occupied while he waited for Haven and her mom to get back. When he heard the car doors, he wiped his hands on the dish towel and pulled out clean glasses in case they wanted a drink.

Haven was the first to show up in the kitchen.

She arched a brow. “You did dishes?”

“Yeah. Are you still hungry?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“How about some tea? I made more of that.”

“Aren’t you all domestic. I’d love a glass of tea.”

He poured her a glass and handed it to her. “Where’s your mom?”

“She went upstairs.”

“Are you okay? Are the two of you okay?”

“We’re good now. Thanks.”

He took a seat next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She took a couple of swallows of tea. “Not particularly, other than to apologize to you as well. I wasn’t my best today, but things are going to be better now.”

She didn’t owe him any explanation. That was between her and her mother. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Haven. I told you before that you’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

“Thanks for that. But I was rude, especially to my mom.”

“You settled that, though, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then. Nothing more to talk about.”

She took a deep breath. “I thought we might go for a walk, if that’s all right with you.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

She grabbed her zip-up hoodie and he pulled on his sweatshirt before they stepped outside.

Trevor felt the chill in the air, even through his sweatshirt. It made him think of football. Crave it. He wanted to be in Tampa, with his team. Much as he’d hated losing to Atlanta, to be shut out of postseason baseball, he had to switch his mind-set.

Tampa had already played three games without him. He had to get his ass in gear and his body ready for football. He was already in shape, but football was a different game.

“You’re quiet,” Haven said.

“Thinking about football.”

Her lips curved. “Already making the switch mentally?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re ready to play.”

He shifted his focus to her. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen. Time to shut off thoughts of himself and his game. “I’m ready to play. How about you?”

“What about me?”

“How do you feel?”

They’d arrived at a public park just outside campus, so he took her hand and led her to one of the picnic benches. They sat on top of the bench.

“I feel fine now. I went to the cemetery. I talked to my mom, and I know this sounds silly, but I also talked to my dad. Everything feels clearer to me.”

“Good.”

“I guess I was stuck in the past and I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t want my dad to have died.” She looked over at him. “I’ve been in denial, refusing to face a life without him.”

He swept her hair away from her face. “It’s been hard for you.”

“Yeah, it has been. And that I can face now. It’s been hard. It probably always will be. I think that’s what was so hard about seeing my mom tonight. She was moving forward, and it appeared to be so easy for her.”

“It’s not easy for her, Haven. You have to realize that.”

“I do now. It was petty and childish of me to say those things to her, to accuse her of not mourning my father. She loved him. With everything she had, she loved him every day they were together. She still does.”

He nodded and scooted closer to her. “You both did. He was a very lucky man to have both of you.”

“He had so many people who loved him. You, all the guys.”

“Yeah, we did. It was hard losing the postseason and not getting that phone call from him telling me everything was going to be okay. I miss him, too.”

“I know you do. He left a legacy, Trevor. People will remember him.”

Her voice was stronger now, her eyes clearer.

“Of course we will. I couldn’t have survived college without him. He was more like a father to me than my father ever was.”

“Thanks for that. It means a lot to me to hear it.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I guess it was just hard for me to let go of his memory.”

He tilted her face to his. “You never have to do that. Don’t even try. You just have to let go of the pain.”

She nodded. “You’re right.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. For a while, they just sat there side by side, his arm around her in the dark. A few students walked by, no doubt heading back and forth to the nearby library, which was open all night.

God, he sure as hell didn’t miss college, at least not the academic part. That had been hell for him. He missed playing, though.

Haven shivered next to him.

“Ready to head back? It’s getting cold out here,” he said.

“Okay.”

He slid off the table, then grasped Haven around the waist, pulling her into his arms. She nestled against him, then wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. She tilted her head back and looked up at him.

“Thanks for being here with me and for not thinking I’m some giant mess of a crazy, raving bitch.”

He laughed. “I don’t think that about you.”

“Oh, please. Even I think that about me.”

“Well, you’re wrong.” He tipped her chin up with his fingers, then brushed his lips across hers. “I think you’re honest with your emotions.”

“I wasn’t. I was running hot and cold, not facing them.”

“You’re more honest than most women I know, Haven.”

“I’m going to try to be more honest in the future. I have to be. Running from how I feel has been tearing me apart.”

Now he cupped her face in his hands. “You should never run from how you feel.”

She leaned further into him, laying her hands on his chest. “You feel pretty good. And I’m definitely not running now.”

He laughed, then tugged her close and kissed her, liking the way she molded her body to his. If they were alone—and they were anything but alone right now—he’d make her feel all kinds of things. Because she sure as hell was making him feel things, especially rubbing her body against his like she was.

“You need to stop,” he finally said, leaning his forehead against hers.

Her breath came out in a rush. “I want you. Can we make that happen?”

He looked around. They weren’t alone and he didn’t think getting arrested for indecent exposure would be a good idea. “Not here. Do you think we could manage quiet sex in the house with your mom around?”

She let out a short laugh. “Probably not, but we can try.”

They hurried back to the house. Haven looked at the upstairs window. “Her room is dark. Either she’s downstairs waiting up for us, or she’s gone to bed already.”

They opened the door, and the only light on was a small lamp in the living room.

“She used to leave that lamp on for me when I was out at night. She’s gone to bed,” Haven said in a whispered voice. “You go ahead and go up to your room. It’s the farthest from hers. I’ll get ready for bed, then I’ll meet you in yours.”

He nodded, tiptoeing up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. He went into his room, brushed his teeth, and climbed out of his pants and shirt. Fifteen minutes later, Haven opened the door and gently closed it. She wore very short pajama bottoms and a skimpy tank top.

“She’s a pretty heavy sleeper. I think we’ll be okay.”

She came toward him and climbed on the bed, straddling him. “I need to be with you.”

She kept her voice low, and he just knew it was going to be the hardest thing to stay quiet. With her planted squarely on his quickly hardening cock, it took all the restraint he had not to groan. He fit his hands to her hips and took in the sight of her, her cheeks pink from their walk. She’d washed her face, so she wore no makeup. He liked that she came to him that way, that she didn’t think it was necessary to be all made up like so many of the women he’d dated. Haven was confident in her looks, in her body, and as he swept his hand over the nape of her neck and pulled her down for a kiss, he tasted the mint of her toothpaste, his tongue sliding alongside hers.

She whimpered, the sound caught on a heaving whisper as he rolled with her, tucking her underneath him so he could stretch his body out, feel her legs against his, her breasts rubbing his chest. She teased her leg alongside his. It was like silk rubbing against him, and made his dick pound.

He lifted his head. “You’re making this harder.”

She reached between them, cupping his erection. “You mean I’m making this harder.”

He sucked in a breath. “Yeah. That. Definitely that.”

“I have a tiny little secret to confess,” she said.

He paused, looked down at her. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“I’ve never had sex in this house before.”

He grinned. “Well, it’s about damn time you do. Want me to sneak you into your bedroom so you can fulfill all your teen girl fantasies?”

She let out a snort. “No. Definitely not. Besides, I didn’t have teen girl fantasies about having sex in my room.”

He trailed his fingers along the side of her breast. “So, you waited until college, huh?”

Her gaze stayed on his face, but her breathing quickened when he brushed the palm of his hand back and forth over her breast. Her nipple hardened through the material of her top.

“Maybe.”

“Were any of those college girl fantasies about me?”

“No.”

She’d answered way too fast. “You’re lying. You wanted me.” He rolled to her side, then drew the straps of her tank down, baring her breasts. He bent and caught one hard nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue back and forth until she arched against him.

“I definitely didn’t want you.”

He smiled against the softness of her skin, using his teeth to tease her. “Yeah, you did. It’s okay to admit it.”

“You were annoying.”

“I was charming and irresistible.”

She frowned. “Maybe to most of the female population on campus. Definitely not to me. To me, you were annoying.”

He slid his hand over her rib cage and down her stomach, loving the silken feel of her skin under his hands. When he dipped his fingers inside her panties and found her hot and wet, a moan escaped her lips.

“Am I annoying you now?”

“Yes. But in a much more pleasant way.”

He rolled her bottoms off and spread her legs, sliding down her body to put his mouth on her. All he could hear was her breathing as he pleasured her, and the occasional gasps and moans he knew she was trying hard to suppress. He loved her taste, the way her hips moved as she directed him right where she wanted him.

“Oh, Trevor, you’re going to make me come. I need to come. Please.”

He laid his tongue on her clit and took her over the edge, her body shaking with her orgasm. He didn’t give her time to recover, just slipped off his boxers and put on the condom, then entered her with her body still vibrating.

Her pussy contracted around his cock, squeezing him in a death grip that shook his resolve as he pushed deep inside her. He stilled, lifting up to look at her. Her eyes were deep pools of stormy blue, her hands pulling him down, her legs wrapping around him.

“Harder,” she whispered. “I want to feel you deep.”

“You want deep?”

“Yes.”

He pulled out and flipped her over, shoved a pillow under her stomach and spread her legs and entered her.

She gasped, and lifted her butt, pushing back against him.

“More,” she whispered.

He wanted to give her more, wanted to give her hard, fast, and as deep as he could sink into her, but the damn bed squeaked. So instead, he gave her slow and deep, feeling every bit of her each time he inched into her body. Her heat surrounded him, every muscle quivering around his cock until sweat beaded and ran down his back. And still, he held on to her hips, watching her ass move as he pumped ever so slowly in, then eased out, until she moaned and tossed her head back, rocking that sweet ass against him.

He leaned over her. “Do you know how badly I want to shove my cock deep into you? Do you know how much I want to give it to you hard and fast until you scream?”

“Yes,” she said. “As much as I want it.”

“Damn bed,” he muttered, then reached underneath her, finding her clit. “But I am going to make you come, Haven. And then I’m going to come hard inside you.”

She tightened around him as he stroked her clit, her pussy gripping him in a vise that made him grit his teeth and fight not to come. Not yet. Not until Haven did.

“Trevor. Trevor, yes. Make me come.”

He swept his fingers back and forth over her clit, felt the contracting of her pussy around his cock.

“I’m coming. Oh, I’m coming, Trevor.”

Hell, yes, she was. And he felt it tear through him at the same time. He wrapped an arm around her, holding on to her as he shuddered through his own release, thrusting deeply into her over and over again, not caring that the bed made noise, that he groaned, that she let out a soft cry as they came together.

Fuck, it was good, so damn good that he lost all sense of awareness except for the feel of Haven shuddering against him, her body squeezing every drop of come he had until she collapsed. He rolled to his side, drawing her against him, both of them damp with perspiration from the effort.

Trevor swept Haven’s bangs away from her forehead and she reached out to rub her fingers over his lips. He grasped her wrist and kissed each fingertip, then took her mouth in a deep kiss that made his cock fire to life again.

Yeah, his cock might want round two, but he needed a few minutes.

“I sure as hell hope my mother doesn’t come running down the hall to see what all that noise was about,” Haven finally said.

“Me, too. But if she does, I promise to throw you on the floor on the other side of the bed, toss a blanket over you, then tell her I was thrashing around because I was having a nightmare.”

Her lips curved. “How chivalrous of you to protect my virtue like that.”

“Just the kind of guy I am, babe.”

“Speaking of my virtue—or lack thereof—I should go back to my room. Otherwise, I’m going to be tempted to cuddle up next to you and fall asleep. And then there’d definitely be some explaining to do in the morning.”

Trevor took a deep breath. “I’d like you to sleep here with me tonight. But yeah, you probably should.”

Haven got out of bed and bent over to find her clothes. He took a few minutes to appreciate the feminine lines of her back and of course, her great ass and legs.

After disposing of the condom, he put on his boxers and walked her to the bedroom door, pulled her into his arms, and gave her a long, deep kiss that made his cock go steely hard. When he pulled away, Haven licked her lips.

“Thanks for that. Now I’ll never get to sleep tonight. Then again,” she said, cupping his erection, “it looks like you won’t, either.”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, but I’ll have great dreams.”

She quirked a sexy smile and reached for the doorknob. “Pleasant dreams, Trevor.”