Summer Lovin'

Chapter Twelve

DIRTY AND TIRED, Zoe wanted nothing more than to pick up Sam and head back to Ryan's. She intended to get a good night's sleep before she had to tackle the next part of their search. She certainly didn't need to arrive at the Baldwins' house to find Sam had gotten herself into trouble while they'd been gone. But she had.

"Accidents happen," Vivian said to Ryan and Zoe. "But when the plumber comes for a service call and finds a scrunchie clogging the toilet, then we're talking about a deliberate stuffing." Vivian shook her head, her exasperation obvious. "By the way, what is a scrunchie, anyway?"

Zoe bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. "It's a ponytail holder. Only bigger."

"Well the water overflowed and created quite a mess." Vivian's posture and tone showed the weariness she must be feeling after a few hours with her granddaughter.

"Where's Sam now?" Ryan asked.

"Upstairs in your old room thinking about what she did and why she did it," Vivian said.

Zoe shot Ryan a glance.

"You punished her?" he asked, surprised.

"What else should I have done? She showed no thought to basic etiquette when visiting someone else's home." His mother stiffened her shoulders defensively.

"Did you explain that to her?" Zoe asked.

"Of course."

Ryan stepped forward. "And did you yell, scream and threaten to throw her out and never let her come back as you did to Faith?"

Zoe sucked in a harsh breath, taken aback by his sharp tone and biting sarcasm. "Ryan…"

"No, that's all right." Vivian ran her hand down her bob, straightening her already perfect hair. "Believe it or not, I thought long and hard before asking you if I could take Samantha for the afternoon. I revisited many of my past mistakes."

"Say that again?" Ryan looked into his mother's eyes.

"I'm admitting I made mistakes, Ryan. It's not the time to get into this now, but I am trying harder with Faith's daughter. She's going to have to realize there are consequences to her actions, though." Vivian gestured to the circular stairs. "Shall we go talk to her?"

"In a minute," Zoe said, stepping forward, knowing she was intruding on Ryan's family, and not caring. Not when she needed answers to questions that would directly affect Sam.

"Yes?" Vivian turned her head to face her.

"Why?" Zoe asked.

The other woman wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Why what?"

"Why punish her? Why teach her that there are consequences? What point are you trying to make?" Zoe pushed the other woman to explain herself, knowing full well she had no right to do so.

Vivian paused in thought. If she was annoyed or put out by Zoe's question, she didn't show it. "Well I suppose I want to teach her the proper way to behave for one thing."

Zoe tried not to cringe or pass judgment; instead she waited.

"And I realize now that Faith never knew we loved her."

"If that bothers you, then why didn't you search harder when she ran away?" Ryan asked.

Real tears suddenly filled the older woman's brown eyes, which Zoe now realized resembled Ryan's. "We had a pattern in our home. All our fights would focus on how Faith's wild rebellion reflected on the family. We'd yell and scream as you pointed out. She'd storm off to her room and the same type of thing would happen again the next day. It became a cycle we couldn't seem to break." She dabbed at the inside corner of her eye, attempting to stem her tears.

"Did you punish Faith?" Zoe asked softly.

"We tried, but no matter what we did, she never listened. Mostly because the screaming was such a large part of our lives, nothing had any impact. So when she ran away, after we checked all the obvious places, we thought, let her get it out of her system and then she'll come home."

Ryan stiffened his shoulders. "But she never did."

Vivian shook her head. "At the time we thought she made her choice, but I see now how wrong we were. We were the parents and she was the child. We should have kept trying."

Zoe swallowed hard, suddenly feeling the woman's pain.

"And all this brings us back to Samantha," Vivian continued. "When Ryan brought up the idea of bringing Faith's child here, I was completely against it since I feared the past would repeat itself. I knew when I looked at Samantha, I'd see my failures as a mother. And I did. I still do."

"Mom- " Ryan stepped forward, but his mother waved him away.

Though Zoe hurt for him, she sensed this moment was a turning point for them both. As the instigator of the conversation, but outsider to their family, Zoe could do no more than watch it play out, and in doing so she realized she was watching her family's role in Sam's life coming to an end. The thought brought a piercing ache to her own heart.

Vivian stared, focusing her thoughts. "I need to say this and I need to do it without your sympathy and without my falling apart."

Ryan nodded in obvious understanding.

"Dinner the other night was a complete replay of our lives with you children except that Samantha had you and Zoe to protect her. And the child has more spunk than anyone I've ever met," she said, with what sounded like affection in her tone.

"Spunk is a good word to describe Sam's behavior," Ryan agreed, his eyes filled with warmth when he gazed at his mother.

Even Zoe had to admit she was touched by the woman's willingness to try and change. Relief filled her, as well, since Sam would benefit from her softening and changing.

"I didn't sleep that night. And I realized then that I could continue to play the socialite who cared more for rules than her family and thereby lose Faith's daughter, too, or I could take the initiative and try to change my attitude. For the sake of my family, I decided that an old dog should learn new tricks." Vivian forced a laugh, but her body trembled with the emotion of the afternoon.

Emotion Zoe shared, since she now had no choice but to take the distance she'd tried to maintain and place it firmly between herself and Ryan. He was a good man and on the verge of having his niece accepted by his family. Zoe would have no place in their lives beyond that of a long-distance friend. She couldn't when she and Ryan, for all their passion, had so little in common.

She glanced at Ryan and met his gaze, her throat heavy with grief. No matter how much her heart begged her to believe otherwise, her mind told her that their different lives, different ways of doing things, and completely opposite families would never mesh long-term. On a selfish note, his family's way of life had the potential to stifle the strong woman she prided herself on being and the independent person she intended to become.

Giving him an encouraging nod, Zoe then watched as he changed his focus toward his mother and, knowing it was time, Zoe stepped back and away.

Ryan reluctantly turned from Zoe to stare at his mother and his head spun. He was in awe, completely blindsided by her admissions, her guilt and her desire to do better. Shock, gratitude, and even love for this woman who'd always remained distant swirled inside him.

Ignoring her attempt to remain stoic and alone, Ryan placed his arm around her shoulder. If he needed the physical connection to his parent, he decided that she must need it, too. To his never-ending surprise, she wrapped her arm around his waist, acknowledging his gesture.

But he couldn't take his eyes off Zoe. She stood off to one side, her expression soft as she smiled. She was clearly touched by the mother-son moment. But as the silence continued, she grew more uncomfortable. She shifted from heel to heel and appeared unusually alone for a woman normally filled with confidence.

He wanted to pull her into the moment, but she obviously wasn't ready for such a move.

"I want you to understand that I was questioning you for Sam's sake, not for my own," Zoe said into the silence.

His mother eyed Zoe warily. She obviously still didn't know what to make of Zoe's place in this situation and Ryan wasn't ready to fill her in. Not when he knew even Zoe wasn't ready to hear the truth.

Before he could ease the tension, Zoe started to talk. "You see, my family has been where you are. Sam has tested us, too, and we discovered that she responds well to punishment based on caring, but she rebels against rules for their own sake. All Sam wants is to be loved, accepted and to know she fits in." She finished quickly, out of breath.

"That's…"

"I'm rambling." Zoe interrupted his mother. She waved a hand through the air. "This is all between you and your son." She took a step backward, and then another.

Ryan knew she was searching for distance. He couldn't allow her to find it. Zoe was used to love and acceptance from her family, yet she'd closed herself off to the possibility of finding love with him.

Ryan had every intention of changing that.

NEAR MIDNIGHT, Ryan, unable to sleep, opened his door to find a light shining from the living room. He figured it was Zoe, but instead found Sam wandering around the room, looking at his framed pictures. Most were of family and he could understand her curiosity. He still had a lot of questions about Sam herself. They hadn't spent much time alone since they'd met and he figured now was as good a time as any to try and forge a deeper bond with her.

He strode into the room and cleared his throat.

Sam jumped back, a squeal escaping her throat. "You scared me." She hugged a framed photo tight against her chest.

"I didn't mean to. What are you doing up so late?"

She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither. So what are you looking at?" he asked.

She placed the picture face down on the table and stepped back almost guiltily.

He joined her and turned over the frame. It was the one he had of her mother. He stared at the familiar blond hair and bone structure and shook his head. "It's amazing how much you look like her," he said, turning the photo so she could see it again.

"My memories were getting blurry." Sam pulled the picture from his hand. Glancing at the photo, she blinked and a tear fell.

In her oversize pajama pants and tank top, she was an odd mixture of child and young adult. He wanted to hug her, but knew she wouldn't accept comfort from him yet. "You can keep the picture," he said instead.

"You mean it?"

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise."

She looked at him with gratitude in her wide eyes. "Do you have one for yourself?"

He shook his head.

"Then- "

Realizing she was about to decline his gesture, he came up with a more acceptable idea that would help them both. "How about we take this to a photo machine and make you a copy? You can even pick out your own frame."

She smiled. "I'd like that a lot." She paused, biting on her lower lip. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He leaned against the wall and studied her.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

He hadn't known what to expect, but she'd stumped him with that one. "Any reason I shouldn't be nice to you?"

She glanced down at her bare feet. "I don't deserve it."

He swallowed hard, surprised at how her sudden insecurity and vulnerability affected him. "I'll admit you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's part of your charm." He laughed. "Besides, you're family."

"So?" She curled her toes into the hardwood, her body a bundle of raw nerves.

He wondered if she was serious. Glancing up, meeting her gaze, he realized she was. As Zoe had tried to tell him time and again, Sam didn't understand being loved and accepted. It would take a long time to convince her there was nothing she could do to change the way he felt about her.

"So, you're my niece and that binds us. You can stuff all the toilets you want and it won't get you tossed out of here. You can run away and, mark my words, I'd find you."

"You mean it?"

His throat filled as he looked at the young girl. "I mean it. I guess what I'm saying is, you're my family and I love you." He held his breath, wondering if he'd gone too far too fast.

But when Sam unexpectedly stepped forward and gave him a quick hug, he realized his honesty had been a good thing for them both. "You should get some sleep," he told her.

"Yeah. I have a big day ahead of me. I promised Grandma Vivian I'd help her fix up the garden."

"You did, huh?"

Sam raised her shoulders. "Ima messed it up. It's right I help fix it. Besides Grandma said if I did, she'd build a special pen for Ima to stay when we come visit."

Ryan blinked. "You're kidding."

"Well she wouldn't build it herself, but she did say she'd have one built for Ima. It works for me." Sam yawned, then flipped her hair out of her eyes with her hands. "I guess I'm beat." She started for the hallway, then turned. "Night, Uncle Ryan."

She padded down the hall, leaving him with a warm, fuzzy feeling of family that he'd never had before. A feeling he wanted to share with Zoe, so rather than head for his room, he paused outside her closed door.

On the other side was another female with whom he had unresolved issues and feelings. He didn't believe any talk with Zoe would be nearly as productive or end as well as the one he'd just had with Sam. But he was too wound up to sleep and decided it was time she hear what he had to say.

Although it was late, he knocked once and walked inside. Zoe lay in bed under the covers, but she didn't seem shocked to find him standing by her side. She moved over to make room for him to sit, while she propped herself up against her pillow.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice rough from sleep.

Ryan tried like hell not to focus on her skimpy tank top or think about the matching pair of equally skimpy panties she likely wore beneath the covers. Instead he reached for her hand and chose his words.

"I had a bonding moment with Sam."

A smile touched her lips. "That's great. You and your family are beginning to make headway with her." Her voice held a somber tone.

"You don't sound thrilled."

"It's a mixed blessing," she said. "As much as I'm happy for you, your progress with Sam means that my family's role in her life is coming to an end."

"We'll work things out. You will see her again."

Through the darkness, Zoe merely stared. "We have to be up early," she said at last.

In other words, she was asking him to leave. Not yet, he thought. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"About what?"

"That you'll see Sam again."

She sighed. "Actually I do believe you. We agreed early on that you're a man of your word and I've seen that for myself many times since we met."

He appreciated her belief in him- because faith was a solid basis for a long-standing relationship.

"Then what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" he asked, and to make certain she couldn't avoid the issue or him, he turned on the lamp on the nightstand.

With her long black hair tangled around her face, she'd never looked more endearing or desirable.

"I was thinking that since you have things under control with Sam- "

"Relatively under control," he joked and got a laugh in return.

"I thought that as soon as we solve this key mystery, I'd take her home. I know we haven't figured out who's after her, but at this point she's as safe here as she is at home…I mean in New Jersey. I hope you'll give my parents the courtesy of a few weeks more with Sam to say goodbye before you move her up here for good."

He narrowed his gaze, wanting to hear more before he jumped to any conclusion about where this conversation was heading. "Go on."

"Well since Sam will have to start school in the fall, you'll need to register her, and she'll need time to get settled in at your parents', of course. But it's still early and I'm sure my parents would appreciate some quality time with Sam, that's all." She toyed with the blanket, her nerves clearly showing.

He swallowed hard. Just as he suspected, Zoe was making plans to pull out of Boston and his life as soon as possible without consulting him or asking him what he wanted.

"Let me ask you something. Just whose plan is this? Because I don't recall mentioning registering Sam in school or her living with my parents, of all people."

She blinked. "I just assumed- I mean I didn't think your schedule would be that flexible when you returned to work. So you'll be able to be home with her in the mornings and after school? Because she really needs a watchful eye, what with her tendency to get in trouble when she's left alone."

He rolled his shoulders, but the tension remained. "I haven't had time to think it through yet, but you apparently have it worked out. And that plan seems to include running away from your own feelings," he accused.

Maybe he was dense, but he thought after all their closeness, she'd at least treat him fairly. But then if she was truly running, she wasn't being fair to herself, either.

"Quit raising your voice or you'll have Sam running in here to see what's going on," Zoe said in a harsh whisper.

In an effort to calm down, he inhaled and counted to ten, then exhaled before speaking again. "I see."

"You see what?" she asked, her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"You just changed the subject. We were talking about your feelings."

Zoe pushed her hair out of her eyes. "This isn't about me. It's about Sam and what's best for her. Now you tell me you don't have a plan." She maneuvered up in bed and perched her hands on her hips, which had the unfortunate effect of pushing out her breasts and erect nipples, distracting him.

She frustrated him as much as she turned him on and he swallowed hard, determined to force her to acknowledge the truth about them, her fears and her hang-ups be damned. He wasn't about to lose her now.

"What about what's best for you? And for me? Doesn't that have to be decided. too?" he asked, fingers clenched into fists at his side.

Zoe tried hard to hold onto her anger because it was the only way to keep Ryan at a distance and she needed that kind of barrier between them right now. From the moment his mother had turned her attitude around, Zoe had accepted the end. She'd tried to explain as much to Ryan the night before, but apparently he hadn't understood.

Or didn't want to, said a small voice in her head, one that mimicked her parents when they accused her of being afraid to commit to anyone, anything or any man. She wasn't giving him an easy time, but he'd thank her in the end. With time and miles between them, he'd see she was right and they couldn't have a future.

"We come in second to Sam," she explained slowly. "That's what happens when there are kids involved. So I'll go home and get my business on track. I know Quinn and Connor need me back soon. And- "

"And you'll go back to living at home?"

"Until I find my own place to live, yes."

"You are so full of crap," he said, taking her by complete surprise.

"Excuse me?" She sat up even straighter in bed.

He groaned. "We've had this discussion before. You say you'll find a place to move, but I've come to realize that you won't. You'll continue to live at home because you love your family, but also because it's the easy way out. You won't have to face moving out, growing up, or having an adult relationship, which might lead to, God forbid, having to compromise with another human being who is also independent and knows his own mind."

She blinked, shocked he'd analyzed her so deeply, thoroughly and possibly correctly.

"I'll prove it," he said.

She stiffened, readying herself for another verbal attack. "Go ahead."

"I love you."

She reared back.

And smacked her head against the wall in the process. "Ouch." She rubbed the sore spot with her hand and glared at Ryan. Her heart galloped in her chest, fear of everything Ryan represented rising faster than any other emotion brewing inside her.

He lived in Boston. She lived in Ocean Isle and she couldn't bear being separated from her family. He wore conservative suits and she preferred outrageous miniskirts. No way his fancy partners and their wives would embrace her style. Her family liked a good con and a slimy pig. His preferred the other side of the law and the only person they'd accept on their own terms was Sam because she was blood. Zoe had already been frozen out by everyone in that house except Ryan. At thirty years old, she was too old and wise to change everything about herself for a man.

And in the end, that's what Ryan would not only expect, but what he would need. It's what he deserved, someone who could fit into the lifestyle he had in Boston.

That someone wasn't her.

She realized he'd covered her hand with his.

He squeezed hard. "Did you hear me, Zoe? I said I love you."

A tremor shook her body. "You don't mean that."

"I most certainly do. Because unlike you, I know my own mind and I don't run from something that's threatening." Equal measures of what seemed like satisfaction and disappointment flashed across his face.

"Run? Me? That's a good one. I was a Secret Service agent. I protect people for a living. I thrive on a challenge and on new experiences, so don't tell me I run away."

His lips quirked in a grin that seemed to mock her claim. "Well, how I see it is you're running from me and from what I make you feel."

"That's ridiculous." She rolled her eyes.

"You admitted that I threaten you and your lifestyle." He spoke too smugly for her pride to handle.

"That's true. It's also true and completely like a man to say I love you and when the woman doesn't say it back, claim she's afraid, as opposed to- " Realizing her next words, she clenched her jaw shut tight.

"Go on. Say it. I dare you," he said, getting into her personal space. He'd taunted her, but even in the face of his dare, she couldn't bring herself to hurt him with what she knew to be a lie.

"You can't say it, can you?" he asked, his voice softening. "You can't say, as opposed to admitting the woman doesn't feel the same way about him." He touched her face and lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "It's okay."

To her dismay, her eyes filled with tears and she couldn't speak, not without falling apart.

"You don't have to say 'I love you' back." He wiped the moisture from her face with his thumb. "I can wait and do you want to know why?"

She swallowed hard and nodded.

"Because you're worth waiting for."