Tears Of The Moon

CHAPTER Fifteen

It was her habit to wake early and get on with the business of the day. On the rare occasions when Brenna slept late, it was usually because she'd had more than her fair share to drink the evening past.

So as she'd had nothing but fizzy water the night before, it was a surprise to see the sun was well up when she opened her eyes. The second surprise came on the heels of the first when she noted the only thing keeping her from rolling off the bed was the arm that Shawn had banded around her.

He'd sprawled himself in the middle of the mattress, shoving her to the outer edge. But, she thought, at least he was considerate enough to see that she stayed there and didn't fall on her face.

She tried to shift around, gave him a shove so that she could get free and climb out. But he tightened his grip and pulled her back until she was curved against him in the cozy spoon position.

"You might be the lazy sort who lies in bed half the morning, but I'm not." She started to wiggle free, and wiggling, discovered the interesting fact that not all of him was asleep. "Wake up ready, do you?" She said it with a chuckle and pushed at his arms. "Well, I don't. I want a shower and some coffee."

His answer was a grunt, but his hand snuck up to cover her breast.

"And just keep your hands to yourself. I don't want any of this fooling around until I've had my coffee."

He simply parted her legs and proved her a liar. "Well." His voice was thick with sleep, but the arm that slid under her was strong enough to hold her in place. "You can just lie there, then, while I use you."

Later, when she staggered into the shower, she thought it wouldn't be such a sacrifice to be used in such a way of a morning every now and again.

She turned the water on, keeping it on the cool side, as her skin was still hot and flushed. After stepping into the old claw-foot tub, she tugged the curtain around, then ducked her head under the stingy spray to wet her hair.

It wasn't an easy business with so little water and so much hair, but she had nearly accomplished it when the curtain jingled back. She opened one eye and fixed it on Shawn.

"I don't suppose you can give me much trouble in here so soon after that."

"Care to wager on it?" he asked as he stepped in with her.

She'd have lost.

Her legs weren't quite steady when she snapped down a towel. "Keep your distance now," she warned, wrapping it around her while her hair dripped everywhere.

"I've no more time for you. I've got to get home."

"I suppose you don't have time for any griddle cakes, then."

She shoved wet hair out of her eyes. "You'd be making griddle cakes?"

"I had a mind to, but if you're in such a rush, I'll just scramble an egg for myself."

He was already dried off and was brushing his teeth, an easy act of intimacy that barely registered. "I suppose I'm not in such a terrible rush. Have you a spare toothbrush around here?"

"I don't, but I think under the circumstances you can use mine."

She kept one at Darcy's, along with a few other essentials, but she'd been too distracted to remember to gather them up the night before. "Would you mind if I left a few things here, for convenience sake?"

He leaned over the sink to rinse so she didn't see the gleam of triumph in his eyes. Another step, he thought. "There's room." He handed her the toothbrush. "Use whatever you need for now. I'll go down and put on some coffee."

"Thanks."

Leaving her to it, he stepped out to pull on jeans and a sweater. If he hadn't been obliged to be at the pub, he would've found a way to talk her into spending the day with him. As it was, they only had an hour or so.

But he saw, clearly saw, how it could be with them. Mornings like this, begun with love and slipping into the easy routine of a meal before they went off on their ways. Brenna sitting in the pub kitchen for a while in the evening while he worked. Knowing she'd be waiting when he got home.

As he headed downstairs, he reminded himself there were a few steps left to take before they got there. But he couldn't believe, wouldn't believe, he could be so in love with someone and not find the way to spend his life with her.

They'd need their own house, one that belonged to them. A big kitchen, and bedrooms enough for the family they'd make. He had enough put by to see about acquiring some land. He put on water for coffee, and got out the makings for tea as well, as he preferred starting his day that way.

He assembled eggs, flour, buttermilk. Then nearly dropped the carton at the knock on the back door.

"I'm sorry." With a laugh in her voice, Mary Kate opened the door. "I didn't mean to give a start." Her cheeks were pink from her walk to the cottage, her eyes bright and cheerful. "I was just out, it being my day off, and I thought I'd stop by for a moment."

His mind raced for the way to get her out again, fast and smooth, with no harm done. Before he'd come up with anything other than yelling fire! it was too late.

"Why aren't I smelling coffee?" Brenna demanded. "You wear a body out before ten in the morning, then can't even-" Her voice simply died away as she walked in and saw her sister.

All the happy color in Mary Kate's cheeks died, and her eyes went wide and dark with hurt. For a moment no one moved. Actors in a bad play waiting for the curtain, knowing that when it lifted disaster would follow.

Shawn reached out, laid a hand on Mary Kate's arm. "Mary Kate." He said it gently, and the sympathy in the tone snapped her out of her shock. She smacked his hand aside, turned for the door.

"Mary Kate, wait!" Brenna rushed forward, skidded to a halt when her sister turned. There was color in her face again, the wild, deep color that came from shame and fury.

"You're sleeping with him. You're a liar and a hypocrite." She swung out, and as Brenna neither braced for nor tried to avoid the blow, the slap sent her sprawling. "And a whore as well."

"That's enough." Grimly, Shawn grabbed Mary Kate's arm. "You've no right to strike her or speak to her that way."

"It doesn't matter." Brenna got to her knees. That was as far as the horrible weight on her chest would allow.

"It matters a great deal. Be as mad as you want at me," he said to Mary Kate. "And I'm more sorry than I can say if I hurt you in any way. But what's here is between me and Brenna and has nothing to do with you."

She wanted to weep. She wanted to scream and was afraid she'd do both at once. Fighting viciously for one scrap of dignity, Mary Kate lifted her head, stepped back from him. "You didn't have to make a fool of me. You knew I had feelings. I still do, only now I hate you. I hate both of you."

She shoved the door open and fled.

"Jesus." Shawn bent to help Brenna to her feet, laid a hand over the cheek that flamed an angry red. "I'm sorry, so sorry. She didn't mean what she said."

"She does. Right now she means it all from the bottom of her heart. I know how it is. I have to go after her."

"I'll go with you."

"No." A part of her heart ripped as she backed away from him. "I have to do it myself. It would only hurt more to see us together. What was I thinking?" She shut her eyes, pressed her fingers to them. "What was I thinking?"

"You were thinking of me. We were thinking of each other. We've a right to that."

She dropped her hands, opened her eyes. "She thinks she loves you. I should have thought of that as well. I have to go do what I can."

"While I stay here, doing nothing?"

"She's my sister," Brenna said simply, and left.

She ran, but Mary Kate had a good head start and longer legs. By the time Brenna caught sight of her, she was already heading down the slope to the backyard of their house, the big yellow dog hurrying behind like a rear guard.

"Mary Kate, wait!" Brenna kicked into a sprint and caught up at the edge of the yard. "Wait now. You have to let me explain."

"Explain what? That you've been fucking Shawn Gallagher. That was clear enough by the way you waltzed into his kitchen with your hair still wet."

"It's not like that." But wasn't that exactly how it had started? Brenna thought. Hadn't it been just like that at the beginning?

"The two of you must've had a fine laugh or two at my expense."

"No, not ever. I never thought-"

"Never thought of me?" Mary Kate rounded on her, shouting so now that the dog slunk off to hide. "That's fine, then, that makes it just fine. You go off playing whore with a man you know I have feelings for, but you didn't give me a thought."

The flash came into Brenna's eyes. A warning. "You called me that before, and I took it. You knocked me on my ass, and I took that as well. You've had your say. Now I'll have mine."

"You can go to hell." She gave Brenna one hard shove, spun on her heel, and marched toward the door.

Then let out a whoosh of air when Brenna tackled her from behind. "You want to settle this with slaps and shoves, that suits me." She grabbed a fistful of Mary

Kate's hair and had just given one good, satisfying yank when their mother threw open the door and rushed out.

"What in sweet hell is this? Get off your sister this instant, Mary Brenna."

"The minute she apologizes for calling me a whore twice in one morning."

"Whore!" Tears of pain and rage blurred Mary Kate's eyes, but she managed to shout it. "That makes three." They rolled into a vicious tangle of arms and legs, and without a minute's hesitation, Mollie waded in, grabbed each by whatever she could snare, and hauled them apart. And since it was like separating spitting cats, she added a cuff on the side of the head to each to keep them there.

"It's shamed I am, shamed of the pair of you. Now in the house, and one word before you have my leave, it's the back of my hand for you."

Mary Kate got to her feet, brushed herself off, lowered her head. And when she caught Brenna's eye mouthed "whore." She had the dark satisfaction of watching Brenna start a swing and get another cuff for the trouble.

"A grown woman," Mollie muttered, herding her daughters toward the house, where Mick stood struggling to look disapproving, Alice Mae watched owlishly, and Patty stood peering over her father's shoulder with her best I'm-above-it-all look on her face.

"Sit!" She jabbed a finger at the table, then shot a steely look at her other daughters. "Patty, Alice Mae, I believe you have other things to do. If not, I can find plenty to occupy your time."

"She landed you a good one there, Brenna." Alice Mae clucked her tongue as she studied Brenna's cheek.

"She won't a second time."

"Quiet." At patience's end, Mollie snapped, "Out." She pointed to the door.

"Come on, Alice." Patty laid a hand on Alice Mae's shoulder. "There's no point in staring at the heathens." And the minute they'd rounded the corner, both of them hunkered down to hear what they could.

But when Mick started to slither out the door, Mollie pinned him with a hard stare. "Oh, no, you don't, Michael O'Toole, this baggage is as much yours as mine. Now." She planted her hands on her hips. "What started this? Brenna?"

"It's a personal problem between myself and Mary Kate." Her eyes clicked to her mother, then to her father when he moved to the pot to pour himself more tea.

"When it's a problem that has one sister calling another filthy names and the both of you tearing at each other like alley cats, it's no longer personal. You may be near twenty-five years of age, Mary Brenna Catherine O'Toole, but you live under this roof, and I won't tolerate such behavior."

"I'm sorry for it." Brenna set her hands on the table, folded them, and prepared to hold her ground.

"Mary Kate? What have you to say for yourself?"

"That if she lives under this roof I no longer care to."

"That would be your choice," Mollie said coldly now. "As all of my children are welcome here as long as they like."

"Even whores?"

"Mind your tongue, girl." Mick stepped forward. "You want to slap and wrestle, that's one thing. But you'll speak with respect to your mother, and you won't use language like that about your sister."

"Let her deny it."

"Mary Kate." Brenna's voice was little more than a whisper, and more plea than warning.

Though Mary Kate's lips trembled, she couldn't fight off the rage. "Let her deny she spent the night in Shawn Gallagher's bed."

The teacup cracked as Mick fumbled and knocked it on the edge of the counter. All Brenna could do was close her eyes as shame and sorrow washed through her.

"I won't deny it. I won't deny I've been there before, and that every time I have, I went freely. I'm sorry that it hurt you." She got shakily to her feet. "But it doesn't make me a whore to care for him. And you know if you make me choose between you, I'll let him go."

It took all the courage she had left to turn and face her parents. The understanding in her mother's eyes might have been a balm if not for the shock in her father's. "I'm sorry for this, all of this. I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you. I can't talk about it anymore now. I just can't."

She hurried out, would have rushed right past her sisters, but Patty reached out. "It's all right, darling." She murmured it, giving Brenna a hard hug.

That broke her, set free the tears that were burning in her throat and the back of her eyes. Blinded by them, she rushed upstairs.

In the kitchen, Mollie kept her eyes on her younger daughter. Her heart was aching for both her girls, but comfort and discipline would have to be meted out separately.

The only sound now was Mary Kate's ragged breathing. Holding the silence a moment longer, Mollie slipped into the chair Brenna had deserted.

No one noticed when Mick walked out the back door.

"I know what it is to have feelings for someone," Mollie began quietly. "To see them as the brightest light, as the one who'll answer all the questions and fill all the holes, whether you're twenty or forty. I'm not doubting what you have in your heart, Katie."

"I love him." Defiance, still her only shield, edged her voice, but a single tear spilled over and slid down her cheek. "She knew."

"It's a hard thing to have those feelings for someone who doesn't have them for you."

"He might have, but she threw herself at him."

"Katie, darling."

There were many things she could have said. The man's too old for you, this was infatuation and would pass, you'll fall in love half a dozen times before it matters and takes a firm hold inside you. Instead, she took Mary Kate's hand.

"Shawn looked at Brenna," she said gently. "And has looked for a long time. And she at him. Neither of them is the careless sort who looks to hurt another. You know that."

"They didn't care about me."

"They had their eyes on each other, and for a time they didn't see you."

It was worse, a hundred times worse, to be looked at with sympathy and still be made to feel like a fool. "You make it sound like it's all right, them having at each other that way."

Oh, a fine and shaky line, Mollie thought. "I'm not speaking of that, as that's between Brenna and her conscience and her heart. It's not for you to judge her, Mary Kate, nor for me. We cast no stones in this house."

Tears came faster now, and with them resentment. "You're taking her side in this, then."

"You're wrong, as I have two daughters hurt now and I love each in equal measure. If there's sides to be taken, Brenna's just taken yours. You've no way of knowing what her feelings are for Shawn or how deep they run, but she'll turn away from him for you. Is that what you want, Mary Kate? Would that soothe your heart and your pride?"

The turmoil inside her swallowed her up. Laying her head on the table, she wept like a child.

There was no choice for a man, for a father, but to deal with such matters. Mick would have preferred having his fingers broken one at a time rather than using them to knock on the door of Faerie Hill Cottage.

But there was nothing else to be done.

His daughter had given herself to a man, been taken by one, and that had shattered his comfortable illusions about his firstborn. He wasn't a stupid man. He knew that women, young ones and old ones and those in between, had certain needs. But when it was a matter of his pride and joy, he didn't care to have those needs shoved in his face.

And he knew, as well as any, about the needs of a man. He might have had a deep affection for Shawn Gallagher, but that didn't negate the fact that the bastard had put his hand on Michael O'Toole's baby.

So he knocked, and he was prepared to handle the u matter in a straightforward and civilized way.

When the door opened, Mick rammed his fist into Shawn's face.

Shawn's head snapped back, and he took two steps for balance, but he stayed on his feet. Tougher than he looks, Mick decided, lifting his balled fists again, for that had been a fine punch if he said so himself.

"Come on, then, defend yourself. Ya son of a bitch. I've come to wipe the floor with you."

"No, sir." Shawn's head was ringing, and he wanted badly to swivel his jaw to make sure it wasn't broken, but he merely stood there, arms at his sides. The man was half his size and nearly twice his age. "You can plant another on me if you must, but I won't fight you."

"So, you're a coward, then." Mick danced inside, a boxer prepping for the next round. He gave Shawn a quick rap in the chest, faked another toward his face. Reluctant admiration bloomed. The boy didn't so much as flinch.

"You're standing up for your daughter. I can't fight what I'd do myself if I were you." But a sudden horrible thought flew into his head, and now his hands did fist. "Did you raise your hand to her over this?"

Insult mixed with frustration. "Bloody hell, boy, never have I raised a hand to one of my girls. I leave that to their mother if they've a need for it."

"She all right, then? Would you just tell me that she's all right?"

"No, we took a bat to her and bashed her brains to Sunday." With a windy sigh, Mick lowered his fists. He didn't have the heart to use them again. But he was far from done. "You've some answering to do, young Gallagher."

Shawn nodded. "Aye. Do you want me to do it here, in the doorway, or in the kitchen over whiskey?"

Thoughtfully, Mick rubbed his chin, measured his man. "I'll take the whiskey."

Temper was still bubbling under his skin, but he followed Shawn to the back, waited while the bottle was taken from the cupboard and good Jameson's poured into short glasses.

"Will you sit, Mr. O'Toole?"

"Well, you've manners, don't you, at such a time." Scowling, Mick sat, picked up his glass, and eyed Shawn over the top of it. "You've had your hands on my daughter."

"I have."

Mick set his teeth. His hand fisted again, braced and ready. "And what are your intentions toward my Mary Brenna?"

"I love her, and I want to marry her."

Mick's breath hissed out. He dragged one hand through his hair as he gulped down the whiskey, then held out the glass for more. "Well, why the devil didn't you say so?"

"Ah-" Gingerly, Shawn cupped his bruised jaw, moved it gently side to side. Not broken, he decided. Just battered. "It's a bit of a dilemma."

"And why would that be?"

"I haven't brought the matter up to Brenna herself as yet. If I do, you see, she'll determine to go the opposite way. I've been working at bringing the matter 'round so it seems her idea. That way, she'll make my life hell till I agree to it."

Mick stared, then shaking his head, set his whiskey down. "Well, Jesus, you do know her, don't you?"

"I do. And I love her with all my heart. I want to spend my life with her. There's nothing I want more.

So-" Finished, and exhausted from it, Shawn knocked back his whiskey. "There you have it."

"You know how to take the wind out of a man's sails." Mick drank again. "I love my girls, Shawn. Each one of them's a jewel to me. When I walked my Maureen down the aisle and gave her away, I was proud, and my heart was breaking. You'll know how that is one day. I've to do the same with Patty soon. Both of them chose men I'm pleased to call son."

He held out his glass, waited while Shawn filled it again. "My Brenna has as good taste and sense as her sisters, if not better."

"Thank you for that." Relieved, Shawn took a second glass himself. "I'm wishing she'd come 'round to that sooner rather than later, but she's a bit of work, if you don't mind me saying."

"I don't. I'm proud of it." Mick settled in, frowned a little. "This business that's going on between you, I don't approve of it." He noted Shawn was man enough to meet his eye and wise enough to keep his thoughts to himself. By God, who'd have thought Brenna would meet her match in this one? "But she's more than of age," Mick continued, "and so are you. My approving or not isn't going to stop you from- well, I don't want to say any more on that particular thing."

They drank in cautious silence.

"Mr. O'Toole."

"I think, as things are coming 'round, you should call me Mick."

"Mick, I'm sorry about Mary Kate. I swear to you, I never-"

Mick waved a hand before Shawn could finish. "I can't blame you on that score. Our Katie has fancies, and a young and tender heart. I don't like knowing it's bruised, but there's no blame."

"Brenna'll blame herself, and she'll step back from me. If I didn't love her, I could let her."

"Time." Mick polished off the next whiskey and thought it was a fine morning to get a bit of a drunk on. "When you get older, you come to trust in time. Not that I'm meaning you sit idle and let it pass."

"I'm looking for land," Shawn said abruptly. The whiskey was starting to work in his head, and he didn't mind a bit.

"What's that?"

"For land, to buy. For Brenna. She'll want to build her house, don't you think?"

Tears of sentiment gathered in Mick's eyes. "It's been a dream of hers to do that."

"I know she's a dream to have a hand in building something from the ground up, and I'm hoping she'll have her chance with the theater."

"Aye, I've been giving her a hand in the drawing of that."

"Would you see that I get it, so I can pass it on? She may not feel as easy about giving it to me now."

"You'll have it tomorrow."

"That's fine, then. And the theater's an important thing, for Brenna, for us, for Ardmore. But a home-that's more important than a place of business."

"It is, and would be to her as well as to you."

"If you hear of something you think might suit, would you pass it on to me?"

Mick took out his handkerchief, blew his nose. And was pleased to see Shawn fill his glass without waiting to be asked. "That I'll do." Eyes narrowed and a bit bright from drink, Mick peered at Shawn's jaw. "How's the face, then?"

"Aches like a bitch in heat."

Mick laughed heartily, tapped his glass to Shawn's. "Well, that's something, then."

While Mick and Shawn bonded over Jameson's, Mollie had her hands full. It took nearly an hour of strokes and pats and sympathy before she could tuck Mary Kate in for a nap. Her own head was feeling achy, but she pressed her fingers to her eyes to relieve some of the pressure before crossing to Brenna's room.

She reminded herself she had wanted children, and a number of them besides. She'd been blessed. She was grateful.

And Blessed Mary, she was tired.

Brenna was curled on the bed, eyes shut. Sitting cross-legged beside her, Alice Mae stroked Brenna's hair. At the foot of the bed, Patty sat dabbing at her eyes.

It was a sweet sight, all in all. Patty was a romantic and would automatically throw her heart to Brenna on this. Alice Mae, bless her, couldn't bear to see anything or anyone in pain.

Mollie had only to gesture for Patty and Alice Mae to get up and take their leave. "I'll speak to Brenna alone." She shooed them out before questions could be asked and shut the door.

As Mollie crossed to the bed, she saw Brenna tense. "I'm sorry." Brenna kept her eyes closed, and her voice was rough and strained. "I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry. Don't hate me."

"Oh, what nonsense." Using a brisker tone than she had with Mary Kate, Mollie sat, gave Brenna's shoulder a little shake. "Why should I? Are you thinking I'm so old that I don't understand what feelings churn around in a woman?"

"No, no." Miserable, Brenna curled herself tighter, shifting so she could rest her head on her mother's lap. "Oh, Ma, it's all my fault. I started it. I wanted Shawn, so I went right up to him and said so. I kept at him until- well, he's a man, after all."

"Is that all there is between you, Brenna? Just the need and the act?"

"Yes. No." She pressed her face into the comforting give of her mother. "I don't know. It doesn't matter now."

"Nothing matters more."

"I can't be with him. I won't see him that way anymore. If you knew how she looked at us, at me. All the hurt on her face before the anger came into it. I never thought of her." She rolled onto her back now, stared at the ceiling. "I only thought of me and what went on inside me when I was with him. Because of it I lied to you and to Dad. How can you trust me again after this?"

"I'm not saying the lie was right, but I knew it was a lie when you told me." She nearly smiled when Brenna's gaze cut to hers. "Do you think I told my own mother that I was sneaking out of the house on a warm summer night to meet Michael O'Toole so he could make my head swim with kisses?" Her eyes warmed with humor and memory. "Twenty-six years we've been married, and five children we brought into the world, and to this day my mother believes I lay chaste in my bed every night before my wedding."

With a long sigh, Brenna sat up, and wrapping her arms around Mollie, laid her head on her shoulder. "I have a need for him, Ma, and it's so big. I thought after a bit it would quiet down, fade back and away, then we'd both get back to how things were before. But it isn't quieting down at all. And I've ruined it because I didn't say to Katie, This one's mine, so find another.' Or whatever I could have said or done. Now I can't go back to him."

"Answer me this, as honest as you can." Mollie drew her back, studied her face. "Would Shawn have looked in Mary Kate's direction if you hadn't been standing between?"

"But that's not the-"

"Just answer, Brenna."

"No." She let out a painful breath. "But he'd never have hurt her if not for me."

"Mistakes were made, there's no denying it. But Mary Kate's as responsible for her heart and its bruising as anyone. Martyring yourself won't change what was or what is. Have a rest," she said, pressing her lips to Brenna's forehead. "You'll think clearer when you're head's not aching. Shall I bring you some tea and toast?"

"No, but thanks. I love you so much."

"There, now, don't start crying again. Any more tears today and I'll need an oar. Let's have off your boots and tuck you in."

As she had with Mary Kate, Mollie fussed and stroked and settled Brenna under the covers. She sat a little while, and when Brenna was quiet, she rose to let sleep do a bit of healing.

As she passed the window, she stopped, stepped back, stared down at the sight of her husband weaving and stumbling his way home.

"Saints in heaven, the man's drunk and it's not yet noon." She pushed at her hair. "What a family this is."