Text

25 Honor

The relief that flowed through my veins when Nathan called out from the other side of the door wasn’t surprising. Considering the fact that I thought it was Lex, anyone would have made me weak with relief.

Except that isn’t why I was relieved.

I wanted to see Nathan. Even through the silence of my thoughts, the taunting of the memories, and the nightmares of my dreams, there was one constant.

Him.

It was his image that I clung to when I finally fell asleep. And it was him that pulled me into the kitchen to bake a pie when I was feeling sort of lost.

And now he was here—standing in my kitchen, staring at me like I might up and disappear. I wanted to tell him I wouldn’t go anywhere without him. But that was stupid. I was a grown woman. I was independent. I was holding a knife, dammit.

He didn’t ask me why I was baking a pie. In fact, he seemed thrilled. It made me smile. This guy loved his pie. I looked at him, feeling my heart accelerate just a little as I remembered how close we’d come to kissing earlier.

What a sharp disappointment that had been. My lips practically ached to touch his. Looking at him now only made that ache deeper, made it reach all the way down into the deepest places inside me.

He was wearing a pair of dark-grey Nike sweatpants. They were a little big so they dipped incredibly low on his hips. The drawstring wasn’t tied and the white ends trailed down, peeking from beneath the white shirt that clung to his body. I wondered what he would do if I grabbed hold of those strings, if I gave them a tug. Would he follow? Would he press me up against the counter and kiss me senseless?

He still hadn’t shaved so the bottom half of his face was shadowed and prickly looking. He looked tired around his eyes and I wondered how much sleep he really got the night before.

Maybe I should’ve asked him what he was doing here in the middle of the night, but I didn’t really care. I trusted him; I knew him. No, I guess I didn’t know him, not in a traditional sense. I didn’t know his favorite movie. I didn’t know about his hobbies, his past, or his job.

But what I did know was far more important.

I knew the type of man he was.

I could spend years with a man and still never learn the kinds of things I already learned about Nathan. We’d already been through the kind of situation that showed what people were made of. We’d already been through an event that totally bonded us.

The rest was just details.

As I mentioned before. I’m a writer. I’m a romantic. Go with it, people.

Nathan was the kind of guy who would literally stick his neck out for someone who needed help. He was the kind of man who wouldn’t run from a dangerous situation. He barely flinched when I told the police what Lex had done to me, and while I could feel the anger that sometimes simmered just beneath his surface, I knew that he would never turn that anger on me.

I was safe with him.

“Nice place,” he said, looking around my simple kitchen with the dark cabinets, dark-green countertops, and black appliances.

“Thanks.” It wasn’t a palace, but it was comfortable, and I was able to buy it off the money I made from my books. Never in a million years did I think my dream would afford me enough to live without having to work a day job. I owed it all to my readers.

That thought gave me a little pang of guilt. Those readers were probably wondering what happened to me.

“Honor?” Nathan asked, watching me closely.

I smiled and extended the knife toward him. “Wanna help?”

“I usually don’t make pie. I just eat it,” he said as he took the utensil.

“You eat, you cook.”

He saluted me. “Aye-aye.”

I showed him the apples. “You can peel these.”

We worked silently side by side. I liked having him here. Even though he didn’t say much, it wasn’t so quiet anymore.

After I rolled out the crust and draped it in the pie pan, I added the sugar and smidge of flour to the sliced apples. Then I reached for the cinnamon and after I added a tablespoon, I went to set it down.

“It needs more.” Nathan observed.

“You like cinnamon?” I asked, intrigued.

He nodded. I grinned. “Me too. I always add extra, but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it or not.”

“Add it in there, woman.”

I added another generous heap.

“That’s the stuff,” he said.

After it was all tossed together, I poured it all in the crust and added the top layer, crimping the edges and cutting a few slits in the top. Nathan watched me carefully as I added an egg wash and sprinkled extra sugar over the top.

When it was done, he held open the oven door as I slid in the pie to bake.

“Want some coffee?” I asked.

Once we both had coffee with generous amounts of cinnamon creamer, I led him into the living room where I settled on the couch. He sat down beside me and I was glad he was close. That’s one of the things I liked so much about Nathan. There was an unapologetic honesty about him. A “this is who I am” attitude. He didn’t sit farther away from me because he was nervous or because he thought it would be more appropriate. He did what he wanted.

I was really hoping he wanted me.

“Wanna tell me about your dream?” he asked quietly.

I wrapped my hands around the mug, letting the warmth seep into me. I think one of the reasons I loved coffee so much was just because I liked holding the warm cup. “Not really.”

He nodded and didn’t press. “How’s the ribs?”

“Peachy.”

He chuckled. “When’s my pie gonna be ready?”

“Your pie?” I asked and arched a brow.

“Do you often make apple pie in the middle of the night?”

“All the time.” I scoffed.

He grinned. He knew I was lying.

“Will the dreams go away?” I whispered.

His smile slipped away. He sat forward and placed his mug on the coffee table and turned his body toward me. “I hope so.”

“You have them too,” I said, knowing his understanding went far beyond empathy.

“Sometimes.”

I glanced at the scars on his face. Then I leaned my cheek against the cushions. “You should tell me about your problems. It’ll make me feel better.”

He chuckled. “Hearing about someone else’s drama will make you feel better?”

“Yep.”

I thought he might tell me to bug off.

“You really want to know?”

“I really do.”

“I work as an armor man in the Marines. I’m in charge of inspecting the weapons, cleaning them, putting them together properly, stuff like that. A couple years ago, my unit deployed to Afghanistan. It’s a rough country. A hellhole really. The Corps’s presence over there was fairly new when I was sent. There wasn’t much in the way of comfort. We hadn’t been there long enough to get things fully set up. We didn’t have phones, the Internet was shoddy, and mostly we slept in tents.”

I listened aptly, taking it all in, and the writer in me constructed a setting in my head that went along with his words.

“I’m not a grunt, meaning I don’t fight on the front lines… but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t danger.”

“I would think being there was danger enough. For anyone,” I said.

He nodded. “For some more than others. It really just depends on the person’s billet—their job.”

I nodded and he continued. “One night the guys were short staffed and due out for patrol. It’s basically routine—some guys go out and walk the perimeter of the base. They check certain areas, make sure our security is still tight. Make sure no enemy threat is lurking or lying in wait.”

“Right,” I agreed and took a sip of my coffee. The sound of his voice was incredible. I could listen to him talk for hours and not once get bored. There was a richness in his tone, a southern lilt that made his words a little more drawn out than most of the people that lived in this area.

“I volunteered to go with them, me and a couple other guys. We got some weapons and all of us headed out, small groups of us going in different directions.”

He got this faraway look in his eyes, and I knew he was going back there, that whatever scene he was reliving replayed vividly in his mind. I scooted a little closer, something pushing me forward, like I instinctively knew he was going to need the comfort.

“It was pretty typical at first, us just patrolling, making sure everything was fine. And it was. Until we were attacked.”

His voice took on a more gravelly tone. “I was out with two other guys, good guys. Young guys. They had their entire lives ahead of them. One of them just had a baby. All he could talk about was getting home to meet his baby girl.”

Please, God, tell me he made it home.

“We were on the far side of the base, near the weaponry tent. We didn’t keep too much else around the weapons. It was just a safety precaution. There were a few tents here and there, as was the tent I spent a lot of my time in, readying weapons. It was night, so there weren’t many men around. Most were at chow or already bunked down for the night.

“Everything seemed fine and we were about to head back toward the other side of base when I caught a slight sound. The sound of a weapon being cocked. I knew that sound. I knew it better than most. I heard it hundreds of times a day. It was my job to know that sound.

“I pivoted toward the sound, only it wasn’t coming from within the base—it was coming from outside our boundaries.”

A look of sheer despair crossed his face, and I reached out, wrapping my hand around his. He looked down to where my hand touched his. Without saying anything, he threaded our fingers together and gave mine a gentle squeeze.

Then his brows knit together when he took in the bruise and rash across the top of my hand. He lifted my arm and pressed a soft kiss to the irritated area. “IV?” he asked once his lips left my skin.

I nodded. “I have sensitive skin. That tape was brutal.”

“I should have watched the nurse.”

“You did more than enough for me,” I told him.

His thumb began to make slow circles across the back of my hand, and his eyes began to slip away once more. “I called a warning as enemy fire started peppering the sand around our feet. We all dropped to the ground and returned fire, but it was so dark out there it was hard to know where to aim. I listened for the popping of gunfire and aimed in the direction of the sound.”

“If this is too hard,” I told him gently, not wanting to hurt him further by making him speak.

He shook his head. I think he wanted to get it out there.

“There were more of them than there were of us. It became evident that they wanted to raid the weapons tent. They wanted to take all of our supplies and use them against us.”

I said a dirty cuss word. He smiled.

“Gidding radioed for backup, and I knew the men close by were able to hear the gunfire. It wouldn’t be long until we had numbers and weapons on our side. Unfortunately, the enemy seemed to know that too. They launched some sort of grenade right as, blowing up a couple tents and taking out one of the guys. It was Gidding. He was my friend.”

He looked at me. “Sometimes at night, I can still hear him screaming.”

I scooted a little bit closer. He pulled up his left knee and dropped his right foot onto the floor. I settled myself in the small opening between his legs.

“One of the hostile’s made a run for the main weapon tent. Me and Prior went after him. Prior was the one with the new baby. As we ran, a couple of them appeared out of nowhere, aiming their weapons and letting go a couple rounds. Prior took a hit in the shoulder and the thigh. One of the bullets bounced off the ground and hit me in the calf.”

He lifted up the sweats around his left leg and showed me a knotted white scar.

“I let loose with all the ammo in my gun and took the fuckers out. Prior tried to keep going, but one of the bullets hit an artery in his leg. The blood… it was like a freaking fountain the way it spurted from his leg. I picked him up and carried him toward the tent, where I figured we would at least be shielded from more gunfire.”

The image in my head of Nathan bleeding and limping while gunfire and screaming erupted around him made my heart hurt. I pictured the way he must have looked dressed in boots and cammies, carrying an empty gun and his friend who was clinging to life.

“We made it to the weapons tent. I laid him out on the ground and tied my blouse around his leg as tight as I could. I screamed my head off for a medic and sent one of the guys who was running into the fray back out of it to hunt down the Corpsman.”

Nathan looked up at me.

“He didn’t want to die. He had everything to live for.”

“Of course not,” I said sympathetically. I knew then that Nathan’s friend Prior didn’t make it. I knew that out there somewhere was a little girl without a father and a woman with a broken life.

“I told him I’d get him out of there,” Nathan said, his voice breaking on his words.

“What happened?”

“I grabbed a new gun and started fighting, holding them back from the tent. Our guys got a leg up, the hostile’s were waning, and I knew they would be out of ammo soon. When the medic came into site, I grabbed another gun and ran out into the open. The fire started coming my way and I hoped it would create enough of a distraction for them to get to Prior.”

He glanced up at me. “He died, Honor.”

“That’s not your fault,” I promised him.

“They were pissed they weren’t going to be getting our weapons… so they launched a grenade at the tent. I saw it falling through the sky. I knew what was going to happen. I yelled. I ran toward them all. I wanted to get Prior and the medics out of there. But I was too late. The entire tent blew in a massive blast. All that ammo…” he said, his voice trailing away.

“You ran toward the tent?” I asked incredulously. “Even after you saw the grenade?”

He looked at me. “Yes. I was the reason they were in there. Prior was lying in there because I told him he’d be safe.”

“You couldn’t have known they would blow the place up.”

“I should have thought that far ahead. I should have been in there to get him out.”

I reached up and touched the jagged scar across his cheek. The scar he got while trying to save other men’s lives. He could’ve ran away. He could have ducked and covered.

He didn’t.

He almost died trying to save them.

“I’m so glad you didn’t die,” I whispered.

He stilled and looked me in the eyes. “I should have died with them. They died for my mistake. The blast was so strong it threw me backward. That’s what saved my life.”

I sat up just a little bit straighter and took his face in the palms of my hands. He watched me through somber blue eyes as I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the reminder of the night he almost died. The scar was puckered and raised a bit, so I kissed it again. When I pulled away, I ran my thumb over the scar just below his bottom lip.

Before I could stop myself, I leaned forward and gently kissed the underside of that lip, aiming directly for the scar.

He made a soft sound and brought his hands up to cup my face.

The oven timer chose that moment to beep.

He didn’t let go; he didn’t move a muscle.

“Your pie’s ready,” I whispered.

He helped me off the couch and I pulled the nicely browned and bubbly pie out of the oven and set it aside to cool. When I turned to race back into the living room, I bumped into his solid chest.

I hadn’t realized he followed.

He slipped his hands beneath my arms and lifted me onto the counter, stepping between my legs. Without a second thought, I wrapped them around his waist, pulling him just a little bit closer.

His hand delved into my hair and his mouth descended upon mine.

The scent of apples and cinnamon mixed with his heady pine scent and my eyes slid shut as his lips moved over mine. He kissed like he did everything else, with honesty and no holding back.

His lips were thick and full, insistent and soft. Every inch of my mouth surrendered to him as we met again and again and again. Nathan moved one hand around the base of my neck and used his thumb to tilt my chin up a little bit more, granting himself more access as his tongue slipped inside and began exploring my mouth.

I grabbed ahold of his biceps and hung on, squeezing his muscles and answering his kiss. I used my tongue to stroke his and lick across his luscious bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth and teased it with my teeth. He groaned and slid me across the counter until I wasn’t really sitting on it anymore, but I was being held against him by his strong arms.

My center was pressed against his rock-hard abs, and I felt the center of me begin to throb like my heartbeat was suddenly coming from down there. Moisture slicked my panties and he kissed me even deeper. I locked my ankles together behind his back and he groaned, stepping away from the counter completely and carrying me out into the living room.

He didn’t lay me out on the couch like I thought he would. Instead, he sat down and kept me in his lap. The change in position brought me up against the solid erection beneath the fabric of his sweats, and without thinking, I rocked against it.

A shudder moved through him and he pulled away and reclined against the cushions.

I was breathing heavy when he spoke.

“We should slow down.”

No. No we shouldn’t. I’d never felt like this, um, ever, and he wanted me to give it up?

“This isn’t why I came over here.”

“Why did you?” I asked, my voice still entirely breathless.

He swiped at my lower lip, frowning at the area that was still slightly swollen. “Because I wanted to be sure you were okay. I hadn’t planned on knocking, but I saw your light come on.”

“You understand,” I said.

He nodded slowly. “Some. I understand what’s it like to be in a situation you feel you have no control over. I know what it’s like to fight for your life even when death is trying to claim you.”

“You also know what it’s like to feel guilty you survived when someone else did not.”

He sat up abruptly, our chests bumped together, and he splayed a hand across my upper back. “I don’t want you feeling guilty, Honor.”

I lowered my eyes. “I do. We both know Mary is dead.”

“He’s going to pay for what he did to her. To you.”

I leaned against his chest. He was so big that I fit against him with no problem. I tucked my hands between us and rested my head against his shoulder, curling in as close as I could. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep?” he murmured, stroking the back of my head.

“M’kay.” I agreed, snuggling even closer.

He chuckled. “As much as I like you where you are, if you stay like that, your ribs are going to hate you in the morning.”

“Don’t care,” I mumbled.

His chest rumbled with his quiet laugh and I felt his lips graze the top of my head. “Up you go,” he said, standing up and bringing me with him.

I groaned.

“Where’s your room?”

“Last door on the right,” I directed when he turned down the hall.

The bathroom light was still on, providing a soft light illuminating the bedroom. Holding me with one arm, he threw back the covers with another and deposited me in the center of the bed. Nathan tucked the covers up around me as I sank into the pillows.

“Are you leaving?” I asked, wanting him to stay.

“I’ll take the couch.”

“Really?”

“Unless you want me to go.”

I lifted up the covers, inviting him in. “I want you to stay.”

He stood there looking down for long moments. “Fine. But no funny business,” he said as he stripped off his shirt. “I got a reputation to protect.”

It was the perfect opening for a smart-ass comeback. Too bad I was too busy staring at his incredibly chiseled chest to make one. I was pretty sure he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. His dog tags hung between his sculpted pecs, giving them even more definition. And he had a tattoo—the letters USMC spelled vertically down the side of his well-defined abs.

I was almost sorry when he slid between the sheets because I couldn’t look at him any longer.

I said almost.

The feel of him against me was even better than the picture he made standing beside me. I threw an arm across his waist, my fingers flirting with the waistband of his pants.

“I’m only staying because you’re feeding me pie for breakfast,” he said a moment later.

I smiled into the darkness. “And here I thought you never lied,” I said.

He laughed. “Technically, it’s not a lie if you already know the truth.”

“What’s the truth, Nathan?” I whispered, tucking myself closer to his side.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

No more nightmares bothered me that night.