The Beast in Him

CHAPTER 24

With all those stitches covering a good portion of her body, Sissy looked sewn together. The dogs had done a lot of damage but none of it lethal. Just painful. She probably wouldn’t even get the fever, that important step their bodies took when fighting infection, but she would definitely have scars. A lot of them.

Yeah, Jessie Ann had known exactly what she’d been doing.

“I warned you,” Brendon said again to Ronnie Lee. “I warned you not to go into dog territory.”

“Yeah,” Ronnie said with a shrug, and a wince from her own pain, her own stitches, “but I thought you were being sarcastic. I mean... they’re dogs.”

“True. And they kicked your ass.”

“There were two thousand of them,” Sissy shot back.

“I told you they had their pups this weekend. It doesn’t matter if there’s one million or one, wild dogs will do whatever necessary to protect their pups. End of story.”

“Yeah, but—”

Shaw slammed his hand down on the metal kitchen table, nearly buckling it. “No buts! I don’t even have room to complain about this. Or demand retribution. Their attack was completely warranted. I told you I hadn’t gotten permission for you guys to go off my territory. And Marissa and I can only go within a mile of their den. Even Mitch doesn’t go over there and he’s a dumb-ass!”

“I heard that!” Mitch yelled from the living room.

“Shut up!”

Sissy sighed. “Look, y’all, I’m sorry. Okay? I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Now I know.” She looked at him. “Sorry, Bobby Ray.”

“Don’t apologize, Sissy Mae. It’s something any of us might have done when we’re running down lunch.”

“I wouldn’t have done it,” Shaw muttered, but quieted down when Ronnie Lee glared at him.

“This changes everything, don’t it, Bobby Ray?” Sissy asked softly.

Smitty sipped his beer before speaking. He hoped the beer would deaden the pain around his stitches. He had far less than Sissy Mae but enough to cause discomfort. Yet, due to their biological makeup, in a few hours they’d have to remove the stitches or risk the skin healing over them.

“Yup,” he finally answered. “I reckon it does.”

“You’re a Smith male, Bobby Ray. It’s not like you can do any different.”

“I know.”

Sissy poured herself more orange juice. “Then I guess you better get on over there.”

“Yup.”

Shaw looked between them. “What are you two talking about?”

“Make it quick, Bobby Ray. Like Daddy would.”

Bobby Ray grimaced, but nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“Wait. What are you two planning?” Shaw demanded.

Ronnie sighed. “Mind your own, Brendon Shaw. This is Smith business.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

When they all stared at him, he threw his hands up. “Fine. But I gotta tell you, I praise the day I was born a cat.”

Jess literally tore the still-beating heart from her opponent’s chest and forced him to look at it.

Her twelve-year-old nephew glared at her. “You are mean,” he accused.

“Suck it up, Boy Scout.”

He threw down his controller and stormed off.

“Next!”

Sabina and Phil’s fourteen-year-old son jumped into the vacated seat on the couch.

“Nice facial lacerations there, by the way.” The boy had his father’s sarcasm, coupled with his mother’s brutal sense of humor. Smart-ass.

“Like these lacerations, do you?” she asked. “Good. You’ll look like this when I’m done.”

The bell for the next round rang, but before she could recover from an aerial kick to the head, Danny called for her from the front porch.

She paused the game. “Don’t even try and cheat, brat.”

“I don’t have to. I’ll destroy you without it.”

“Dreamer.”

Jess grinned and walked through the living room, her Pack involved in different forms of relaxing activities. From chess and checkers to role-playing games with pen, paper, dice, and their imaginations to video and computer games to yoga... which just seemed weird.

But her grin faded when she walked out onto the porch and found a human and clearly brutalized Smitty waiting for her. Okay, so maybe she’d done more damage than she’d given herself credit for.

He leaned against his truck, arms crossed over his chest. To the untrained eye, he looked relaxed. Composed. But she knew that look. She saw it once, years ago, seconds before Smitty beat the living hell out of his older and larger brother for sleeping with Smitty’s whore girlfriend at the time.

“What do you want, Smith?”

“We need to talk.”

If he thought she was getting off this porch, he was high.

“So talk.”

When he realized she wouldn’t come to him, he pushed himself off his truck and walked up the stairs. He stared down at her and she fought the urge to stroke his face, do whatever she could to help take away the pain she knew he suffered.

He didn’t say anything, and she quickly grew impatient with the long Smitty-silence. “Well? I’m waiting.”

Big arms crossed over his chest, Smitty gave a sad sigh. “I underestimated you all along, didn’t I?”

Jess shrugged. “Probably.” Everyone else had, why should he be different?

“What happened this morning... ” He gazed off into the woods, then shook his head. “I have to say, I never saw that coming.”

“Your sister was on my territory. I have pups here. What did she or you expect?”

“I expected you to let her get over territorial lines. I expected you to let her walk away. The Jessie Ann I thought you were would have done that. Because you didn’t, do you know what that makes you?”

Jess knew she didn’t want to hear this. She didn’t want any more hurtful words or, even worse, hurtful silences between her and Smitty, but there was no avoiding it now. “What, Smitty? What does that make me?”

Amber wolf eyes locked on her and she saw fangs as he opened his mouth to speak. Her own claws slowly slid into place, prepared to tear and render as necessary.

“Mine, Jessie Ann,” he finally said. “That makes you mine.”

Jessie stared up at him like he’d grown a second head. Even her claws had receded. He’d seen them slide out, and that had only confirmed what he already knew. She would have ripped him apart if he’d made a move on her. Jessie Ann had a vicious streak a mile long and ten miles deep and nothing turned him on more.

“I’m sorry... ” she said softly. “What?”

“What did you think would happen, Jessie Ann?” Smitty asked calmly. “You attacked my She-wolves when they were trying to leave your territory. Mauled my sister after just apologizing to her the other day for punching her in the eye. And tore open my face with your teeth when I tried to protect her. And you did it without pity or remorse or a lick of conscience. Sorry, darlin’, but that makes you prime Smith-mate material.”

Looking away from that beautiful face and those big shocked eyes, Smitty examined the surrounding acres. He immediately spotted a big unused barn. Perfect.

“Come on, Jessie.” He took hold of her wrist and kissed her palm gently. “Let’s do this right, darlin’.”

Yeah. He’d do this right. Slow and easy. Just the way Jessie Ann deserved. No Smith mate-mauling for her. Even if that’s what he wanted to do, he’d give her what she needed.

Smitty walked to the top of the porch stairs with Jessie behind him when she stopped abruptly, bringing him up short. He turned and saw that Jessie had secured one foot against the porch railing, locking her in place. Then she jerked him back and slammed that small fist of hers right into his already abused face.

He dropped her arm and covered his bleeding nose.

“What in the holy hell was that for?”

“Oh, you don’t know? Well, let me do it again until you figure it out!”

Grabbing her under the arms, Smitty lifted her up until they were eye to eye. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“The barn? You were going to take me off to the barn like we’re walking to the local store?”

He smiled and let out a breath. “Jessie Ann, if you wanted something fancy, you just had to say.”

“Fancy?”

“Yeah.” He carefully placed her back on the porch. “We can wait until we get back to the city, and then we can go somewhere real nice. Just what you’d want. I know you’re used to better now, and I should have thought of that before. I’m sorry.”

When she plowed that fist into his stomach, all he could do was stare at her.

“What was that for?”

“You think it’s all about money? Is that what you think?”

“Woman—”

“Don’t you ‘woman’ me. For you to think I’m that shallow and insipid and that it’s all about money is just rude!”

“Then what do you want?”

She threw up her hands. “Everything!” She stepped away from him. “And until you can give me that, we have nothing else to say to each other.”

Without another word or punch, she walked around him and headed back to the house.

He followed. “Jessie Ann—” But she slammed the door in his face, leaving him standing outside in the cold.

Jess leaned back against the door, fighting tears she’d never allow to come. He wasn’t worth one damn tear. Not one.

She glanced around the room and every dog stared at her. Pup and adult. All she saw was sympathy and warmth. They all loved her as only dogs could. They knew what she wanted. What she needed from Bobby Ray Smith. Because they understood her completely. Even if he didn’t.

Sabina walked up to her and handed her a bag of dark chocolate chips.

“Here, my friend.”

“Thanks.”

“You want hug?”

Jess nodded, feeling particularly pathetic but not caring. Sabina hugged her tight, then her Pack was there in one massive group hug that would completely freak out most people.

Ronnie jumped when the front door slammed open, and she blinked in surprise when she heard Bobby Ray Smith of all people yell, “She is driving me insane!”

He yanked off his jacket, threw it across the room, and stormed into the kitchen. She scrambled over Shaw and the back of the couch, making it to the kitchen as Smitty grabbed hold of a bottle of tequila from one of the cabinets.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” She took hold of the top and yanked. He yanked back. “Bobby Ray, you give me that bottle this minute.”

Bobby Ray snarled at her—he’d never snarled at her before—and yanked the bottle with one hand while shoving her back with the other. Ronnie stumbled back and watched as he unscrewed the cap. He almost had it to his lips when his sister walked up behind him, slammed her foot into his instep and, when he gasped in pain, snatched the bottle from his hand.

“What happened?” she asked, walking to the other side of the kitchen.

“None of your damn business.” He stormed toward her. “Now give me—”

Sissy Mae held the bottle up, aiming right for her brother’s head. “Just try it.”

Smitty stared at his sister, probably debating whether she’d really hit him with it. He had to know she would.

“I’m out of here.”

They watched him storm out the back door, strip, shift, and take off into the woods behind Shaw’s house.

Ronnie let out a breath and looked at her friend.

“What?” Sissy asked. “You think I’d waste all this good tequila on that fat head?”

“Well, you did have me worried.”

The rest of the day went by slowly and uneventfully. Jess mostly stayed in the kitchen with May under the pretense of helping her bake cakes for Johnny’s birthday the following day; but since she couldn’t bake anything but chocolate chip cookies, she really stayed in there because no one would bother her. May said little and Jess sat in a corner and re-read Tolkien’s The Two Towers for perhaps the ninety millionth time.

But even J.R.R. couldn’t distract her from thoughts of Smitty. It hadn’t been easy walking away earlier. But she knew she had to. Knew she had to walk away and not look back. Not if she wanted all of him. The man who came to her that afternoon might as well have been a full-human for all the passion he showed her. A Beta with extremely low expectations of his mate.

As soon as he took her hand, she could see their lives played out in front of her. Nice quiet, simple lives with about as much passion and love as you could get out of a vibrator. She’d rather be alone than live that way. She’d only known her parents fourteen years, but what she always felt certain in was their love of each other. It was passionate and wild and beautiful, and she was the product of that.

If she wanted a solid but passionless relationship, she’d start returning Sherman Landry’s calls. But she didn’t want Sherman Landry or the boring relationship he could offer. Jess wanted more. And in that disgusting bathroom off the turnpike, she really thought she’d found that with Smitty. Then he’d pushed her away. Not comfortable with what he’d felt. With the Smith inside him.

Sure, she could tell him what her problem was. She could tell him how she wanted a true Smith mating because that’s how she’d know she meant everything to him. But she knew Smitty enough to know he’d simply fake it to make her happy. He’d take her to bed, fuck her stupid, maybe get a little rough with her, and mark her. But it wouldn’t change a damn thing. It wouldn’t make him okay with who he was and always would be simply due to his DNA strain.

Jess now realized, as she dragged herself up to her room on the top floor, that she’d never have him—hell, never want him—until he could accept who and what he was. You had to accept it before you could go beyond it. Instead, Smitty probably spent more time fighting his desires than moving to the next stage of his life.

It broke her heart, but to be blunt, it wasn’t her problem. As her mother used to say, “Some things a body just has to figure out on their own.”

Jess walked into her room and closed the door. She really hoped she could shake this by tomorrow morning. They had a full day planned for Johnny and she wanted his seventeenth birthday to be a blast for him. What she definitely didn’t want was to bring the whole thing down by being a sad sack.

She sat on her bed, untying and toeing off her boots. She briefly debated changing into night clothes, but she simply lacked the energy or desire. So she flipped off the light and stretched out on the bed.

After a few minutes, she caught his scent. She hadn’t noticed it before since she’d been unable to get the essence of it out of her head in the first place.

She sighed. “What do you want, Smitty?”

He stepped out of the shadows. At least he looked as miserable as she felt.

“I know you don’t want to see me right now.”

“You’re right.”

“But I don’t want to sleep alone again tonight. I miss you, Jessie Ann.”

“The same way I miss my dogs after I dropped them off at the kennel yesterday?”

He went from miserable to angry in about two seconds. “What the hell does that mean?”

Too tired to argue, she turned on her side. “Forget it. It doesn’t mean anything.”

She heard him take a deep breath, trying to calm that temper he insisted on hiding from her. “Do you mind if I stay?” he asked.

“Whatever.”

She heard his coat drop to the floor, followed by his boots. Then, fully dressed, he crawled into bed with her. He spooned her from behind, one arm tight around her waist, the other curving over her head on the pillow. She reached down and pulled the comforter over them before she settled back in.

He snuggled in closer, burying his face in the back of her neck. She placed her hand over the one on her waist, her fingers sliding between his. He closed his hand, locking his fingers around hers.

Like that they fell asleep and Jess realized nothing in her life had ever felt so right before.

In the morning, when she woke up to the pups banging on her door, he was gone.