The Darkest Hour

CHAPTER 15

“RACHEL . Rachel, honey, wake up.”

Rachel roused herself from the deep void of sleep and rubbed a tired hand across her eyes. Then she squinted as the bright sunlight speared her vision.

The plane came to a stop and the whir of the jets cut off. Next to her, Ethan stroked gentle fingers across her cheek.

It was then she realized that they’d already landed.

She sat up, then weaved precariously as she moved too fast. Ethan caught her arms and steadied her. Across from them, Garrett unstrapped himself and went to open the hatch.

“Are you ready?” Ethan asked.

“Where are we?”

“We just landed at the Henry County airport. We’re about forty minutes from home.”

She let him help her up and guide her toward the exit. Garrett was there to grab her hand as she stepped down. The sandals she’d borrowed from Dr. Scofield slid up and down on her feet as she struggled to keep her footing. The clothes, like the shoes, were too big, but she was clean and comfortable, which was more than she could say she’d been for a very long time.

Sam stood a few feet away. She almost didn’t recognize him in the faded jeans and white T-shirt he wore. He seemed much more approachable out of the camouflage warrior mode. Even his expression was softer, less threatening. He wasn’t quite so scary.

He stood with arms crossed, watching as they got down from the jet. He leaned nonchalantly against the parked SUV, but he smiled when he saw her.

Determined to put on as brave a front as possible, she straightened her shoulders and pried herself free of Garrett’s and Ethan’s grasp. Each step forward, away from their support, felt like walking into a void, but she pressed on anyway, until she was just a foot away from Sam.

“Hello, Sam,” she said in a low but steady voice.

His smile deepened, and he opened his arms, but made no move toward her. It was up to her to accept the gesture. Taking a deep breath, she walked into his embrace. His arms came around her as he hugged her tightly.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he said against her ear. “Welcome home.”

Tears pricked her eyes, and she buried her face in his neck. He smelled like Ethan. Strong and steady.

He kissed her hair and simply held her until finally she pulled away. His hand came out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear in a tender gesture.

“How you feeling?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I’m . . . I’m a little scared.”

Ethan’s hands crept over her shoulders, and she turned instinctively into the shelter of his arms. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “There’s no need to be afraid, baby. You’re home now with people who love you.”

“Come on. I’ve got the truck waiting,” Sam said.

Rachel watched as he and Garrett picked up the few bags that Ethan and Garrett had brought back with them, and then they headed toward an SUV parked several feet away. Ethan gave her a squeeze and then urged her forward.

She walked almost mechanically, unable to process the bizarre feeling that this was all normal, or it should be. After months and months of fear and captivity, she was free. Back in the regular world. She’d resume her life as if it hadn’t been on hold for the last year. As if the people who loved her hadn’t gone on with their lives without her.

Garrett piled into the front while Ethan ushered her into the back and then crawled in beside her. Sam got into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the small landing strip.

It could hardly be called an airport. It was a tiny airstrip in the middle of acres of farm ground. There were only two hangars, one larger and one much smaller, and they were just tin buildings.

Their truck kicked up a cloud of dust as they drove away. Moments later, Sam pulled onto a paved highway and sped up. Rachel looked curiously out her window, hoping something—anything—would register with her.

After several miles, she gave up. It looked like any place. She could be anywhere.

Rachel leaned into the curve of Ethan’s arm, and he immediately tightened his hold on her.

“You okay?” he murmured.

She nodded. She hadn’t completely shaken off the effects of her withdrawal. The last several days had been harrowing, an experience she never wanted to repeat. There was still an aching emptiness, a hollow void begging to be filled, but it was more bearable now. And she refused to give in. She wouldn’t be the only weak one amid these strong warriors.

Ethan had stuck by her side—he and Garrett. They’d taken turns holding her when she screamed and cried, when she’d begged for relief. At her most desperate hour, she’d pleaded with Ethan to get her the drugs.

He’d stood with her, fully clothed, in the shower when she’d been convinced she was covered with spiders. She still shuddered at the memory of the horrible creatures—hundreds of them—scuttling across her body.

After several seemingly endless days, the worst had been over. She was exhausted, and she knew Ethan and Garrett hadn’t fared much better.

“Where are we going exactly?” she asked. It was silly to ask. Ethan and Garrett had gone over the details of her homecoming numerous times, but she couldn’t help the anxiety that swam rivers through her mind.

She hadn’t realized that her hands were clasped together, her fingers twined so that the tips were white, until Ethan carefully pried them apart and laced her fingers with his.

“We’re going home. To our house, baby.”

She tried so hard to bring an image of their house to mind. Just a brief glimpse, something to tell her that she had a connection to the place she’d lived with her husband.

“I can’t remember,” she said in frustration.

Garrett turned in his seat, reached over to touch her knee, and as he’d done so many times over the last few days, he offered comfort with just a few well-placed words.

“You’re trying too hard, sweet pea. Relax and let it come to you. Even if you don’t remember now, there’s nothing to say that when you walk inside your own place, that it won’t all come back. And if it doesn’t? So what. You have all the time in the world.”

She let go of Ethan’s hand and grasped Garrett’s, squeezing with all her might. “Thank you. I love you.”

She gasped, completely mortified as the words escaped. Ethan stiffened beside her. She dropped Garrett’s hand and raised her fingers to her mouth, horrified by what she’d said.

Garrett stared back at her, no hint of emotion or judgment in his eyes. Just patient understanding and answering love. Why hadn’t she said those words to Ethan? Why Garrett?

Her gaze flew to Ethan, apology etched into every surface of her face. She wanted to scream it but was too embarrassed.

There was no anger in Ethan’s eyes, just a tightness as if he battled some unknown reaction. A sound from the front had her turning away. It was Sam. Laughing.

Sam glanced in the rearview mirror, a wide grin splitting his lips. “I’m seeing more and more of the Rachel we know and love all the time. You always were the most lovey, demonstrative woman I know.”

Ethan chuckled and seemed to relax against her. But she was too far rooted in regret to feel as if the awkward moment had passed. She closed her eyes and turned away, for the first time denying herself the comfort of his embrace.

“Rachel.”

Garrett’s deep voice washed like warm water over her ears.

Slowly she looked up until she locked gazes with him.

“I love you too, sweet pea. We all do.”

She smiled tremulously and nodded. Ethan’s hand crept back over hers, and he gave her a little squeeze. Gathering her courage, she peeked up at him, almost afraid of what she might see in his eyes.

She sucked in her breath at the shock of emotion she found. Raw, searing. She couldn’t breathe.

He touched her cheek, slid his finger underneath her ear and to her nape, and then he pulled her carefully forward until her lips were just a breath away from his.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I—”

The words choked her, and before she could try again, his lips touched her cheek. Undemanding and so tender, almost as if he was afraid that the slightest pressure would make her fold.

The knot in her throat grew bigger, as did her panic. Why did the idea of saying the words that had come so naturally just a moment before instill such gut-wrenching fear?

She broke away, twisting in her seat as she gulped for air. Ethan touched her shoulder, tentative and seeking, but she flinched away. She was going to be sick.

“Sam, stop the truck,” Ethan barked.

He caught her arm as Sam veered off the highway. A few seconds later, her door flew open and she surged forward. Sam caught her as her knees buckled and she sank to the ground.

“Deep breaths,” Sam murmured. “Take it easy.”

She shook from head to toe. She was simultaneously hot and cold. Thick sweat soaked her clothing and yet she shivered. Rapid images, harsh and unrelenting, hammered her mind.

Ethan’s face harsh and drawn in anger. Shouting. Demands. Accusations. She covered her ears and shook her head, trying to shut out the ugliness.

“Rachel.”

Ethan’s voice, so far away.

“Rachel, what’s wrong?”

Garrett this time, closer.

“He hates me,” she whispered as tears slipped down her cheeks.

Two sets of arms surrounded her. Hands smoothed her hair back and eased away the tears on her face.

“No one hates you, baby.”

Ethan sounded so fierce, as if he’d single-handedly chase away all her demons.

Slowly the darkness faded away. The voices stopped their assault and the coldness dissipated, leaving warmth.

She sagged, her head falling forward. Strong fingers kneaded her neck while other hands supported her shoulders.

“Let’s get you back in the truck,” Garrett said.

Before she could respond, Ethan picked her up and cradled her close. His chest heaved, and she opened her eyes to see such pain reflected on his face. He looked . . . tortured.

“I’m tired,” she whispered as she leaned her head against his neck.

“Then sleep, baby. I’ll wake you when we get home.”

Ethan ducked into the back and laid her on the seat. He retreated, closing the door, and then walked around to the other side. He climbed in and picked up her head and pillowed it on his lap.

The slamming of the front doors signaled Sam and Garrett getting in, and then came the roar of the engine and the low hum underneath her back as Sam maneuvered back onto the road.

I really am losing my mind. Maybe I already lost it. Maybe I’ll never get it back.

She closed her eyes as more tears gathered and spilled silently down her cheeks.

Ethan watched helplessly as silver, damp trails marked a path over her pale skin. What had she meant? Was she remembering? Was her mind tortured with memories of their marriage? Was she putting it all together so soon?

He hates me.

He wanted to puke. Who had she been talking about? God don’t let it be him. Don’t let her ever think he hated her. He’d die before ever letting her think that even for a moment.

I love you.

The words she’d said so easily to Garrett haunted him. He wanted so desperately to hear them from her lips. Directed at him. Wanted to go back in time to when not a day passed that she didn’t tell him how much she loved him.

But a woman will only go so long putting her heart on the line without getting anything in return. If only he’d just returned them. I love you too, baby. Only in the beginning. Later, he’d nod or even smile. In the end, he didn’t even do that. He’d felt too guilty. The words that were so sweet in the beginning became daggers that slithered insidiously between his ribs and into the vulnerable organs beneath. He’d felt like the worst sort of hypocrite, and so he’d remained silent, until finally she’d stopped saying anything at all.

That had been the worst. He lived each day hoping to hear those words again, only to get angry and resentful when they didn’t come. He punished her for what was his own doing.

“Ethan.”

Ethan looked up to see Sam studying him in the rearview mirror.

Sam sighed. “I wish I knew what to say, man. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

“This isn’t about me,” he gritted out. “It’s about her. It’s all about her. She’s what’s important.”

Sam nodded. “I know that. But you’re hurting too. You’re not a machine. You can’t just shut it off because you don’t want to feel the pain.”

“I can handle anything as long as I get her back,” Ethan said in a low, desperate voice.

At that, Garrett turned, his gaze probing and thoughtful. “You have her back, man. What are you so afraid of?”

Ethan swallowed. Never would he admit to his brothers just how much of a role he’d played in Rachel getting on that plane to South America, how he’d driven her away, rejected her and her love.

How could he possibly ever tell them that what he feared most was losing her . . . again . . . after getting her back?