The Detective’s Undoing

Chapter 15

The courthouse was a beautiful brick-and-glass building, surrounded by lush greenery. An oasis in the middle of a teeming bustling city, but Delia saw none of it.

Her palms were damp, and her heart thudded dully in anticipation. Even with Cade’s hand locked securely in hers, she could hardly remember how to walk. “What if-”

“You’ll get him,” Cade said, his voice still husky from sleep.

Just listening to it made Delia want to blush. She’d never felt like this, all hot and itchy and unsettled, and even more unnerving was the knowledge that it wasn’t an entirely bad feeling.

They’d turned to each other several more times in the night. Their lovemaking had been slow and tender, yet just as hot as the first time, and when they’d finally fallen into a deep slumber, they’d nearly missed the alarm.

Despite their lack of time, Cade had tried to talk about what had happened between them, and ashamed as Delia was to admit it, she’d put him off.

Yes, she’d been a virgin, and no, she had no regrets. How could she regret the most amazing night she’d ever spent?

Yes, she’d shattered in his arms as if she’d known what she was doing, but the why of it was still a mystery.

Which brought her to the last question she knew he wanted answered. Where were they going from here?

She hadn’t a clue. What did she do with a man who didn’t know how to stay in one spot?

No, that wasn’t fair, because the truth was, it was her holding them back. Not him.

Shortly before they’d left the hotel, Cade tried again to get her to talk to him. He’d caught her in the bathroom and pressed his big body against hers. “Don’t,” he said, putting his hot wet open mouth to her neck.

“Don’t what?” she said on a heartfelt moan.

“Shut me out. You’re doing it, giving me the morning-after blow-off.”

“I’m not…” But that was exactly what she was doing. “Cade, I don’t…” She didn’t what? Know how she felt? But that was a lie, she knew. She was just afraid of it. “We have to go,” she had finally said, and when he went very still, then slowly drew back to look at her with an intensity that made her squirm, she sighed. “We really do have to go.”

Without a further word, he’d left the bathroom, and they hadn’t spoken as they’d raced out of the hotel to the courthouse.

As a result, Delia felt uncharacteristically ruffled. Because she couldn’t breathe, she hesitated on the steps of the building and put a hand to her chest.

“You’ll get him,” Cade said again.

Even now he was offering his strength and comfort. She didn’t deserve him, but she squeezed his hand and thanked him with her eyes.

The judge came in, sat down and didn’t waste any time. He’d read the reports and the recommendations, he said, and was unhappy because he hated to see Jacob uprooted yet again. The boy was too young to have had such upheaval in his life. The judge then wanted to hear from the parties involved, wanted to be convinced this was the right thing to do. Then, leaning forward, looking kind but terribly stern, he waited expectantly.

Edna stood. “I love Jacob,” she told him in her clear refined voice. “I can and will care for him for as long as I’m able, but I believe that he belongs with his sister. With Delia.”

“In Idaho?” The judge lifted a questioning brow. “A thousand miles from his home?”

“Yes, Your Honor. I believe this is the right thing for Jacob, and that’s all that matters to me. Doing right for him.”

Heart thundering, Delia rose, also. “Your Honor, Jacob has been moved many times in his short life. With all due respect, he’s never had a home, not a steady one. I intend to give him that.”

The judge nodded thoughtfully. “You can provide for him there?”

“Yes. I have two sisters, and we run a guest ranch-”

“I’ve read the reports, Ms. Scanlon.”

His impatience nearly crushed her, but she refused to bow. “Then you know that between the three of us, Jacob will be well cared for. We intend to give Jacob the family life he deserves.”

Something that might have been respect came into the judge’s gaze, and hoping herself ahead, Delia sat down, trembling.

The judge turned to Scott. “I’d like to speak to you, Mr. Felton. Privately. In my chambers.”

Everyone remained silent as Scott rose. He and the judge disappeared for what was the longest three minutes of Delia’s life. When they returned, both with inscrutable expressions, Delia thought her nerves were as shot as they could get. Then Jacob rose to his feet.

“I want to talk,” he said in a voice that quavered.

“All right,” the judge said very kindly, smiling at him. “I think that’s a great idea. In my chambers. Follow me, son.”

“But-”

“It’s okay, Jacob. It’s just that I think I should hear what you want to say privately first, that’s all.”

Jacob chewed his lip and followed the judge, for what turned out to be the second-longest three minutes of Delia’s life.

When they came back, Delia searched both their expressions and was relieved to see Jacob looking relaxed.

Before she could try to figure out what that meant, the judge spoke to the courtroom. In his opinion, he said, there was no other choice.

Jacob belonged with his half sister, Delia Scanlon.

For a long moment, Delia just sat in her chair, surrounded by Edna, Jacob and Cade, stunned with disbelief.

Scott stood and quietly left the room, never even looking back at her or Jacob. She hardly noticed.

Jacob was grinning from ear to ear and trying to be cool at the same time. “I guess I’ll have to do chores with the horses every day, huh?”

Delia stared at him. He was hers. Oh, God, he was really hers! She hugged him. “What did you say to him?”

“That it should be my choice, and I wanted to be with you.”

Unable to speak, Delia just hugged him more tightly, then hugged Edna, who was smiling from shiny eyes.

“It was the right decision,” Edna whispered in Delia’s ear, holding her close. “And I’m so glad.” She leaned back and smiled. “But save a spot for me. I’ll want to come visit.”

“I’ll take good care of him,” Delia promised.

“Oh, darling.” Edna’s smile was gentle. “It’s not just Jacob I want to see. It’s you, Delia. I want to see you, too.” She cupped Delia’s face in her thin elegant hands. “I’m so happy for you. I’ve carried around guilt for some time, for not being available when you needed me all those years ago.”

“You didn’t know,” Delia said, touched beyond being able to hide her feelings. “I’ve never blamed you.”

“Well, I’ve blamed myself. It’ll never make up for those years when you were alone, but at least now, I feel some sense of justice has been served.”

It felt odd to realize it, but justice had been served. There was some pride about that, not having been forced to come down to Scott’s level and fight dirty for what she wanted. Who would have believed that she had so much love in her heart, when she’d always been satisfied with just having Maddie and Zoe? Now she had Ty, too. And Jacob. And they both belonged.

Cade reached for her hand then, giving her a smile that had her quivering with things she didn’t fully understand.

Did she have room in her heart for him, too?

“It’s over,” he whispered softly, pulling her aside so they could be alone.

“He didn’t even question my ability to take care of him,” she murmured. “Not a word about my worth, or-”

“It’s no trick, Delia.” He was watching her with that familiar intensity, and with something else, too. “Jacob is going home to the Triple M.”

Home. Yes, the Triple M was definitely home. “And what about you?” she asked softly. “You’ve always been held to the Triple M by your promise to Constance Freeman, which you’ve fulfilled now. You’re free to roam as you please, without ties.”

His eyes were dark, eloquent. “Yes. I’m free of that promise.”

“So?” she pressed, needing an answer. “Where is your home now?”

“Why did you let me make love to you last night?” he asked, instead, his voice low and direct. “Why me, when you’d never let anyone else?”

“I…”

“You let me think it meant the world to you.”

“It did.”

“No, not if you can look at me as you are right now, as if you expect me to walk out on you.”

“It did mean the world,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “It meant everything. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted you, and I needed…” She shut her mouth and opened her eyes, stunned by the sudden realization.

He came to the same conclusion at the same exact moment. “You needed me. It was a first for you, this needing thing, and it makes you so unsettled and afraid that you can’t accept it.”

“Cade-”

“No, you’ll hear me out, dammit. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. No one in their right mind would think of you as a user, as weak or needy. But that’s not good enough for you. You have to shoulder your problems all by yourself.”

“I’ve always done that. It’s just…easier.”

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to take on the world by yourself. I want to be there for you. I want there to be an us.”

“You do?”

“I’ve loved you from the moment I went into the kitchen of the Triple M that night and found you alone and crying, and trying to be strong enough to carry the world’s weight on your shoulders. I knew right then and there that the connection between us was something I needed, that it was a soul and heart connection, one that couldn’t be denied.”

“Cade-”

“Oh, believe me-” his smile was wry, and her heart twisted “-I tried to ignore it, but…”

“Cade…” He loved her. The knowledge made her stagger, so that she had to sink into a chair. Because she couldn’t breathe, she put her head between her knees, her vision wavering. “You…you really…”

“Love you,” he finished for her, his hands on his hips, a frown on his face. Relenting, he stroked a hand down her trembling back. “I can see that thrills the hell out of you. You need to breathe, Delia.”

“I’m trying,” she muttered, her heart and thoughts racing. He expected her to return his love, of that she was quite certain.

“Hey!” Oblivious, Jacob leaped into the chair next to her, still grinning. “We can leave now. We can leave right now and be at the ranch before dark, right? You going to give me a job so I look official when there’s guests? ’Cause I figure I can lead out the horses for the rides, you know? You think I’m big enough for that?”

Delia peeked at him from between her fingers, her head still lowered, and had to smile, though she had to draw air into her lungs to do it. “You’re looking a little excited there, champ. You sure you don’t want to play hard-to-get a little bit longer?”

A flash of chagrin crossed his face, but it was fleeting. “Can I have the window seat on the plane?” He glanced at Cade. “Can I?”

Cade ruffled his hair fondly, but his smile was sad, his gaze on Delia. “I’m betting the window seat is yours,” he said. “You take good care of those horses.”

He isn’t going with us, Delia thought. He was saying goodbye. She rubbed her chest above her aching heart, knowing it was all her fault, knowing all she had to do was reach for him and give him those three little words right back, and he’d come with them. For always.

Always. Always. Always.

The words echoed in her head like a mantra.

“Aren’t you coming with us?” Jacob asked Cade, surprised and clearly disappointed. Now that he finally had family, he wanted them all with him all the time. He turned to Delia, confused. “Why isn’t he coming?”

Because I don’t know how to ask him to. She didn’t know what to say.

Apparently Cade didn’t, either. He said nothing, but she knew she’d never forget the look on his face, the pain in his expressive eyes, the tension that gripped his body as he hunkered down and gave Jacob a big hug. “I’ll see you,” he promised.

“Are you two fighting? Why? I don’t want you to fight.”

“We’re not,” Delia soothed. “We’re just…”

“Breaking up?” Jacob asked, horrified. “Are you?”

Delia hadn’t any idea that Jacob had understood the complexity of her and Cade’s relationship. “Jacob, this isn’t the time or the place to-”

Cade lifted Jacob’s sagging chin. “I told you I’d see you. And I will. No matter what.”

Without any of his usual hesitancy, Jacob continued to allow Cade’s embrace. He even returned it. “Pinky promise?”

Cade linked their fingers and they did some elaborate arm movement, faces solemn. “Pinky promise,” Cade whispered back.

Then he was gone.

Gone. Right out of her life, just as she’d let him believe she wanted.

Delia sighed and flopped over in her bed for the hundredth time. It was two in the morning and sleep wasn’t anywhere to be had.

It wasn’t Jacob. His warm reception from Maddie and Zoe had thrilled him. So had the job Ty had given him, which was to feed the horses. He was thriving.

It wasn’t the ranch, either. They were going to be full again this weekend, and with the latest storm, which had dumped a couple of feet of fresh snow on them, the guests would have their winter wonderland.

Her sisters were both great. Maddie was clearly in her element running the kitchen, and Zoe…well, Zoe wore a permanent stupid-looking grin on her face that widened at the mere mention of her new husband.

Delia sighed and turned over yet again, because she knew darn well what her problem was. It was just over six feet tall, about 180 pounds of solid utterly unforgettable male named Cade McKnight.

Neither of her sisters had been happy with her to find Cade gone. Maddie had been kind enough to give her one long-suffering sigh, while all the while making it clear she thought Delia foolish for letting him go.

Zoe hadn’t been nearly as kind. She’d come right out and told Delia she’d made a huge mistake to let her pride ruin everything.

But to imagine swallowing her pride and telling Cade she was wrong, that she did need him, she did want him, more than anything in the entire world…she didn’t know where to begin.

And yet, lying there alone and chilled to the bone because she didn’t have his warm loving arms around her was far worse, and she thought maybe if he walked into the room right now, she would be able to find the right words.

The same thoughts still haunted her the next morning at the crack of dawn. Staggering into the kitchen, desperate for caffeine, Delia whimpered pathetically at the smell of coffee already on the counter.

“God bless you, Maddie,” she muttered, pouring herself a cup.

“Morning, Delia.”

She nearly dropped her cup, then whirled around. Cade stood by the far wall, his own mug in hand, casual as you please. He was even smiling, though it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, when what she really wanted to do was throw herself at him, feel his arms come around her and haul her close. She wanted him to kiss away all her fears and doubts so that there was nothing left but the heart-and-soul connection she’d had only with him.

But she didn’t make a move toward him, nor did he toward her. “I have a job here, at least for the moment, remember?”

Yes, she remembered. She didn’t know why she’d expected him to walk away from it. She should have known that Cade, like her, had changed. Just as she’d learned to let people inside, he’d learned to not blame himself for his family’s death. As a result, he would never walk away from something he started, especially not at the Triple M, not when he cared so much about her sisters and Ty.

“I’m taking two of the guests on a snowmobile trip today,” he said. “We’re cruising the back country, going to tear up some of this new snow.”

He looked so good standing there, in his snowmobile gear and boots, with attitude written all over him. Tell him, the voice inside her head urged. Tell him all the things you promised yourself you would tell him if only you could have the chance.

But before she could open her mouth, he crossed to the counter, set down his coffee and headed for the door, almost as if being with her was too much to bear.

“Cade?”

He didn’t even look at her. “Have a good day, Delia.” Then he was gone.

Four hours later, with no warning whatsoever, a rogue storm hit.

At the ranch house, the windows rattled and the lights flickered.

Radio contact with Cade was abruptly lost, which at first was no cause of concern. Everyone knew they were fully equipped to spend the night out in the wilderness, if they needed to.

The storm took a turn for the worse, and unforgiving and fierce, it raged on. Everyone in the house, including the two guests’ wives, bit their nails as the wind and snow pelted the house.

They lost power, and the opaque darkness felt all-consuming, even more so because everyone knew there were three people out in that storm, people they cared deeply about.

Ty had the generator up and running in no time, but nerves were strung tight as everyone worried.

Actually “worry” didn’t come close to describing what Delia felt-“terror” was more like it-and she didn’t draw a single breath without thinking about Cade, out in this dangerous storm.

To help occupy their thoughts, Delia dragged out her old beauty supplies and gave the wives manicures, but it didn’t help ease her own fear one bit. Still, the women were suitably distracted with the service. So were two of the other guests.

Zoe and Maddie jumped on the opportunity, showing off some of Delia’s designs and handmade clothes. Every single female guest ordered something.

Ironic, Delia thought, with more than a little bitterness, that she’d found her niche on the ranch, that she finally had worth, that she actually felt as if she belonged-and none of it mattered. Not without Cade.

She made her way down the hallway to the kitchen, where she stared out the window into the wicked storm.

Please be okay, she prayed silently. Please come back to me, safe and sound. I’ll never push you away again. I’ll even tell you how I feel, without hesitation.

“Delia, honey, you okay?”

Delia didn’t have to turn to see Maddie’s face to know that she was deeply worried, too.

“I want him back, Maddie. I want him home and dry and warm and not hurt.”

“You love him.”

She felt Maddie’s arm slip around her waist, and because she could, she leaned on her sister’s shoulder. It felt good to be able to do that. “I let him leave angry and hurt,” she whispered, her throat tight. “I can’t believe I did that.”

“You can tell him when he comes back. He is going to come back, Delia. You won’t lose him, not now that you’ve learned to let him love you.”

Delia’s vision blurred as tears gathered. “I…I didn’t tell him.”

“He knows.”

But Delia was sure he didn’t; she’d been too stingy with her affections for him to know. And as the long day continued, she did her best to keep the guests and her brother busy. For Jacob, that wasn’t too difficult, this ranch living was new enough that everything was an adventure. When she ran out of fingernails to paint, she switched to toenails. Her sisters enjoyed it, too; she could see the approval in their eyes. Even Jacob thought she was cool.

But she wanted Cade.

The truth was, she loved him with all her heart, and she was pretty sure she had since he’d first flashed his killer smile. No, she would never have control over him-or the elements, she thought with another wry glance out the window. She wouldn’t be able to control her future, either, but she thought that was okay, maybe even good, because wasn’t risk-taking a part of life?

Of course it was, and that it’d taken until now to see it made her angry at all the time she’d wasted. And as the day dragged on into night, and the night dragged on, too, tearing at her nerves, she used every excuse possible to stay glued to a window, torn between fear and anticipation, because she couldn’t wait to have Cade back at the ranch and have the chance to tell him what she should have told him long ago.