Chapter 15

Ella

“I can’t believe you brought me here,” I shout over the chest-bumping music, fanning my hand in front of my face because it’s hot and smells like sweat and old cheese mixed with beer. There are strings of Christmas lights coiling around the ceiling beams and they sparkle across our faces, giving our skin a pink glow.

Lila pivots in her stool, her eyes skimming the dance floor. “Well, I asked around and everyone said this was the place to go to have a little fun.”

I shake my head as I pick up my drink. “Oh, Lila Dila, fun in Star Grove is not the same as California fun or even Vegas fun.” I rotate in the stool, motioning my hand at the crowd of rough-looking people, most dressed in old jeans, plaid shirts, T-shirts, boots. We aren’t the only ones dressed up, but girls wearing fancy dresses are few and far between. And there’s no flashy lights or décor, just low lighting due to a few lightbulbs being out, round tables and mismatched chairs, and peanut shells and wrappers on the floor. The music is coming from a stereo, not a DJ, but the good thing is the drinks are cheap.

“Well, I wanted to give you one last hoorah before you tie the knot in a few days,” she says, sipping on the straw that’s in her margarita as the bartender, a middle-aged guy with thinning hair and a mustache, eyes us down. He’s been doing it since we walked in, checking us out, but so far it’s been easy to ignore him. “I was trying to be a good maid of honor.”

“Didn’t we all ready do that back in San Diego the night before the wedding?” I ask. “When you took me out for drinks at that club?”

She raises her eyebrows at me. “The wedding that never happened?”

“True,” I say. “But we still had our hoorah.”

She slurps the rest of her drink before reclining back in the stool and setting it on the counter. “You can never have too many last hoorahs.” She frowns as she sits up straight. “We’ve barely seen each other in the last six months and now we’re hardly going to see each other anymore after you get married.”

I’m not the heart-to-heart kind of girl but she’s making me feel bad. “Lila, we’ll still be friends no matter what. And you’re dating Micha’s best friend. We’ll see each other more than you think.”

She rearranges a few strands of her hair back into place. “No, we won’t. You’ll see. You’ll move on, probably have babies, and I’ll still be living in Vegas, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.”

“That’s not what I hear,” I tell her. “I heard that you and Ethan have a big road trip planned.”

She seals her lips as she watches the dance floor. “Yeah, I guess that’s the plan.”

“Then why do you sound so unconvinced?”

“I don’t know. Shit happens, you know. Things sometimes change.”

I take another swallow of my drink. “Is there something going on between you and Ethan? Are you fighting or something?”

She shakes her head. “No, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about all the things that can go wrong.”

“Like what?”

“Like life.” She turns toward me, crossing her legs. “Not all of us have the perfect relationship, although I can’t say that what Ethan and I have is bad. It’s great, but it’s not like I have a ring on my finger.”

“Yet,” I say, and she rolls her eyes at me. I throw my head back and guzzle the rest of my drink, feeling the burn of the vodka as it slides down my throat. “Besides, I don’t have the perfect relationship.” I put the glass on the bar. “Need I remind you I stood Micha up just a few days ago.”

“Yeah, but you had a reason, right? Because you were worried about your future.” The way she says it with suspicion makes me wonder if she doesn’t believe my reasoning.

“Yeah,” I say. “And because of other stuff… things I don’t like to talk about.”

“What kind of stuff? Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

I twirl a strand of my hair around my finger, feeling uncomfortable. I can tell Micha personal things about me but he’s my best friend, fiancé, my everything, which sounds so cheesy but it’s true. I wonder if I should put it in the vows.

The burn of the alcohol rushes through my veins and I begin to think maybe it’s time to talk to Lila about stuff. She’s usually good about giving advice and maybe she can direct me on what to do. But I don’t want to talk about my mom and the box—I talked enough about that with my dad. But there is something else.

“I’m having trouble writing my vows,” I admit.

She props her elbow on the countertop as her eyebrows knit. “You guys are writing vows?

I nod. “It was Micha’s idea.”

Lila drums her fingernails on her knee. “Yeah, I assumed as much.” She pauses. “Why do you think you’re having such a hard time?”

“Because I’m not a writer,” I say. “And because… well, because I hate expressing my emotions to an empty room let alone to people.”

“Yeah, but we already kind of know how you feel about Micha, since you can’t keep your hands off him.” She inspects her reflection in the mirror on the back wall of the bar. “But I get the emotion part and not wanting to say it to anyone. Sometimes I hide what I feel, too.”

“Really?” I ask, raising my voice as the music gets louder. “It never seems like you do.”

She glares at some creepy guy with a ponytail who keeps grinning at her from across the bar. “Maybe it’s not that I hide what I’m feeling so much as I pretend to feel something else, but I’ve been trying to stop because it’s unhealthy.”

I know from experience that she’s right. “So how do you suggest I get over the not being a writer part?”

“You just put the pen to the paper and write, I guess.” She shrugs. “I’m sure something good will come out.”

I continue to try and figure out a better solution until the song switches to an upbeat tempo and Lila claps her hands together, her eyes lighting up with excitement. “I love this song,” she says. “Let’s take another shot and dance.”

“I’m only taking a shot if it’s Jäger,” I tell her.

She makes a gagging face. “Ewe, you’re so gross. I’ll just stick with tequila.”

She orders our drinks, and then we slam them back and head for the dance floor. We dance in the low lighting, making the occasional trip back to the bar for more shots until we’re hot, sweaty, exhausted, and ready to go home. I feel good, not just because I’m buzzed, but because I had fun, even though I’m scared of getting married, worried about writing vows.

As we push through the crowd, heading for the exit, we collect our jackets from the chair. We slip them on as we push out the door and the ice-cold air stings at my bare legs.

“Let’s run,” I tell Lila and she laughs as we take off, staggering and slipping in the ice as we run toward the Chevelle parked beneath the lamppost.

“Wait.” Lila suddenly slams to a stop when we’re almost to the car. She looks back at the club with a torn expression on her face. “Maybe we should go back inside where it’s warm and call the guys to come get us. We said we wouldn’t drive drunk.”

Through the sea of alcohol sloshing around in my head, I realize that we indeed shouldn’t be driving since everything looks a little distorted and standing seems complex. “Yeah, good idea.” I start to turn around to head back when a blue Camaro drives into the parking lot and parks between us and the door to the club, blocking our path.

“You have got to be shitting me,” I mutter as the window rolls down.

Mikey sticks his head out as a cloud of smoke rushes from the open window. The last time I saw him I was throwing a milkshake into his window and then he tried to chase us down. Knowing Mikey, I’m guessing he’s probably still holding a grudge.

“Ella, what’s wrong?” Lila asks tracking my line of sight as a smile creeps up on Mikey’s face. “Who is that?”

“Well, well, if it isn’t the town rebel.” He continues smiling as he opens his door and hops out. He’s about average height for a guy, which makes me in heels as tall as him, but my weight is no match for his. His black hair blends with the night, his nose is crooked, probably because someone clocked him, and he has a barbed-wire tattoo curving around his neck.

His boots stomp against the icy parking lot as he strides over to us with a smirk on his face. “So is that Gregory idiot with you, because I’ve been dying to kick his ass too for that shake stunt you two pulled.”

“What?” Lila asks way too loud and I shoot her a look over my shoulder, warning her to keep her mouth shut. Then I glance over at Mikey’s car, noting that there’s someone else in the passenger seat, a guy I think.

As Mikey slows to a stop in front of us, he measures Lila up with a sly look on his face. “Are you his girl or something?”

“Whose girl?” Lila plays dumb, shielding herself by stepping behind me. She’s scared, her erratic breathing showing through the fog.

Mikey looks her over for a little bit longer and then focuses on me. I don’t like how he’s looking at me, not like I’m Ella the girl who could hang tight with the guys, even if he didn’t like me. He’s looking at me like I’m a girl, because I’m dressed like one and I suddenly regret wearing the damn dress and fucking heels. “Ella, I know you’re not stupid,” he says, inching closer. “I know you know that around here people just don’t get away with throwing shakes in cars. They have to pay—things have to be even.”

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. “Just like I know that no one around here respects you.”

The muscles in his neck tighten as he steps into the light from the lamppost. I’m growing a little nervous. Even though Mikey has always tried to seem tough, it was all an act and most of us knew that he was a lot of talk. But this Mikey looks different than the one I used to know. More ragged, rough, intense, and less cowardly. His eyes are sunken in and red and I wonder if he’s gotten into drugs, but it doesn’t really surprise me if he has. It happens sometimes in this town.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Mikey cautions.

Lila captures my arm, her fingers trembling as she whispers, “Maybe I should call or text Micha and Ethan.”

I shake my head and hiss, “No way. Then they’ll just end up in a fight.”

Lila glances at Mikey. “I think we might end up in a fight if we don’t get them here,” she whispers nervously.

“No, we’re fine,” I reassure her, even though I’m not so sure myself. “Just go to the car and wait for me.” I turn around and target my eyes on Mikey, attempting to look tougher than I feel as Lila backs toward the Chevelle.

He cracks his knuckles and neck, like it proves he’s tough. “You think you can frighten me with a look?” He spans his arms out to the side at the empty parking lot. “You got no one around to protect your ass.”

That feisty, fighting girl that I keep shoved down inside pushes her way out and I step forward so we’re close. “And that’s okay.” I span my hands out to the side and glance around, mockingly imitating his move, ignoring the fact that I know things are going to get ugly. There’s nothing I can do about it. I could run, but then he’d just chase me. “Since I don’t see any threat around.”

A vein bulges in his neck and he starts to pace to the side while the other guy in the car climbs out. He’s tall and bulky with cropped hair and arms the size of my legs. I try to calculate how fast I can run to the car in heels, and if I make it to the car, can I drive fast enough to get away because I know he’s going to chase me down whether on foot or in a vehicle.

“Ah, now you’re not so cocky,” Mikey says with a smirk when I don’t respond. I hate to back down because it would mean living through hell for almost forever, since no one in Star Grove can seem to forget, but at the same time this isn’t my home. I might be here for holidays if that, so in the end, does it even matter?

Sucking in all of my stubbornness, I put my hands up and step back, putting distance between us. “Fine, you win,” I say through gritted teeth.

“No fucking way.” He counters my step back, narrowing the distances between us. “You insulted me and ruined the leather in my car. You don’t just walk away. The question is, how are you going to pay? I mean, I could just make you pay to get it reupholstered.” His eyes scroll up my body suggestively. “Although, there might be something else you can give me.”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing, which probably isn’t the best thing to do but I’m drunk and not thinking rationally. Big guy starts rushing for me as I back away with my hand over my stomach, my laughter echoing around us. But he slips and eats it, falling flat on his back and I laugh harder and Mikey’s face heats with anger. He snatches my arm and jerks me forward, his fingers pressing against my skin and I wince as I stumble.

“Fuck off,” I say, yanking my arm back.

His fingers dig tighter as he wrenches me forward, opening his mouth to say something, but I bring my knee up and slam it in his manly parts. I’m not sure how much force is behind the blow since I’m intoxicated and having a hard time keeping my balance, but it seems to do the job and he frees me from his hold, clutching his junk as his face contorts in pain. I’m about to turn and run when he lifts his arm and strikes me across the cheek.

My ears ring and I see spots as I clutch my cheek and blink. “You fucking asshole!” I shout, pissed off. Some girls would have cried, but the pain only makes me want to get him back. I see the big guy walking toward us as Mikey lifts his hand to hit me again. I bring back my own hand and slam my fist into his cheek. It’s not the first time I’ve hit someone and I’m pretty sure it won’t be my last, but no matter how many times I punch someone in the face, it still hurts my God damn hand.

We both cry out in pain, Mikey cupping his jaw where I clocked him while I shake out my hand as I scramble away from him, ready to bolt for the car. But then a group of guys and girls exit the bar, creating a lot of noise and making it so there are now witnesses.

One of the guys gives a questioning look in our direction as he lights up a cigarette and I seize the opportunity to hurry over to the Chevelle and climb in with Lila.

Her eyes are huge and dotted with tears and her arms are wrapped around herself. “Oh my God, Ella. That was—”

“Star Grove,” I tell her then add, “Lock your door.”

She obeys as I lock mine, too.

Mikey goes up to one of the guys who just walked out and they exchange a hand shake while big guy stares me down with his arms folded over his chest. I reach for my phone inside my pocket, debating who to call. I know that if I call Micha he’s going to come here and if Mikey’s still here then there’s a good chance a fight’s going to go down and that’s the last thing I want.

“I already called them the second that asshole came after you,” Lila tells me. “They were at a pub a few blocks over. They’re headed here right now.”

“Shit, Lila, now they’re going to come here ready to throw punches.” I glance in the rearview mirror, wincing as I touch my red, puffy cheekbone. “I think it’s going to bruise.”

Lila frowns. “Great, now you’ll have a giant bruise in all of your wedding pictures.”

“What pictures?”

“The ones Caroline’s going to take.” She slaps her hand over her mouth. “Oh shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“What?” I gape at her as I cradle my injured hand. “Who invited them?”

She drops her hand from her mouth to her lap. “Micha’s mom. She thought it would be good for you to have your brother here.”

I’m not sure how to respond. My quiet wedding is now turning into a bunch of people who are going to be staring at me while I seal my future and of course read the vows I haven’t even started to write. It shouldn’t seem like a big deal, but at the same time it does. Especially if I do something stupid like panic. I don’t want anyone to see me panic.

I slump back in the seat and keep my eyes locked on Mikey, who’s still chatting with the guy. “God, I forgot how intense this town is,” I say, changing the subject. “Everything is either life or death.”

“Why don’t I just drive somewhere close?” Lila suggests, reaching for the door handle to get out of the car and switch seats with me “I feel sober enough now to at least get us away from here and then we can tell Micha and Ethan to meet us somewhere else so they won’t have to show up here and get into a fight.”

“It doesn’t matter where we go,” I tell her. “Mikey will just chase us down. In fact, I bet he’s hoping we drive somewhere just so he can chase us.”

“What is wrong with that guy?” she asks, looking at Mikey. “He hit a girl.”

“It’s just how people are around here.” I put the keys in the ignition, debating whether or not to start the car and turn the heat on. It’s cold as death in here but at the same time the rev of the engine might set Mikey off. If my vision wasn’t slightly blurred I’d totally take on racing Mikey in a heartbeat, but I have a feeling that if I try anything right now, I could end up wrapping the car around a tree. Lila could get hurt, or someone else, and if something happened to me then that lovely future Micha and I have planned will be gone. The last thought sits in my chest, but in a good way because a few years ago I’d have driven the car and risked it all.

Some of the girls start off for a truck, lighting up a cigarette and passing it around, and the guys soon follow, waving at Mikey and the big guy. A gangly guy with a beanie on lingers behind and then he says something to Mikey and then all three of them climb into the Camaro.

“What are they doing?” Lila slants forward in the seat and squints at the Camaro as Mikey rolls up the window. He doesn’t drive away, but he does turn the headlights off.

I thrum my fingers on top of the steering wheel. “Probably dealing drugs.”

“Oh.” Lila frowns and then stares out the window to the side of her. I’m about to say we should just take off on foot and meet Micha and Ethan when someone knocks on the window.

I jump but relax when I see Micha standing outside with the hood of his jacket pulled over his head and this relaxed look on his face like he’s had more than beers to drink tonight. Ethan is beside him and when he glances inside the car, he winds around the front, heading toward Lila’s side.

“When they ask what happened, tell them it was a girl who hit me,” I whisper to Lila and then unlock the door.

Micha backs up so I can open the door and then he ducks his head to look in the car, his blond hair hanging in his eyes. “What happened?” he asks, his breath smelling like an array of alcohol. He carefully looks me over and then his eyes flare as he notes my swollen cheek. “How the hell did that happen?” He glances over at Lila and then his burning gaze lands back on me. “Lila said you guys needed help.”

I shrug as Lila opens her door and I hear Ethan say something to her about looking so hot. “There was this bitch in the club who we used to go to school with,” I tell Micha. “Apparently I kicked her ass one time and she was drunk and wanted to fight. Lila panicked and called you guys, even though I told her I could handle it.”

“Hey.” Lila pokes me in the back and I flinch. “You were not handling it very well.”

I discreetly glance over at Mikey’s Camaro that’s still parked in front of the door. “I handled it fine. Can we just go home now?”

Micha crouches down, his eyebrows knitting. “Yeah, I think that might be a problem.” He leans to the side and laughs this silly drunk laugh as he says to Ethan, “I think we were lucky to even make it here.”

“You’re drunk,” I remark and Micha looks back at me with a guilty face. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him drunk and it worries me, not because I think he’s going to be mean but because if Mikey comes over and tries to start something Micha is more likely to pick a fight and more likely to lose.

“Maybe,” Micha admits with an adorable grin on his face. “But I won’t be mean and hurt you.” He presses his hand to his heart. “I said I’d never hurt you again and I won’t. In fact, I’ll be really, really nice if you let me,” he says, glancing at my chest. “I’ll do all sorts of nice things to you…” His fingers spread across the top of my leg.

I roll my eyes as Lila laughs, and then Ethan laughs, too. I don’t dare turn around, worried what I might see the two of them doing if I do.

Out of the corner of my eye, I check on Mikey’s car, relieved it’s still parked and quiet. “I think we should go home,” I say, looking back at Micha.

“And how do you suppose we do that?” Micha asks innocently as he glances around at the four of us and then chuckles under his breath. “Is anyone sober? Because I’m not.”

“I’m not either,” Ethan says with a slur to his speech and Lila laughs even louder.

I blink my eyes, hoping the blur and merry-go-round effect has vanished, but no such luck. “No, but we could always call your mom,” I say, racking my mind for more ideas but all I get is a headache.

Micha waves me off and staggers to his feet, grinning proudly like he’s just come up with the best idea ever. “Nah, we can just walk. Walking’s fun.”

I laugh as he tugs me to my feet and grips my waist to hold my balance as I stumble in my heels. “Easy for you to say,” I tell him, gripping onto his shoulder as we both slide on the ice. “You’re not the one wearing heels.”

He works to steady us and then his eyes roam down my legs as he sucks his lip ring in between his teeth. “God, those are some fucking sexy legs.” His eyes heat with lust and I know if I don’t get him home soon, I’m going to have my hands even fuller. If a fight doesn’t break out, then a live porn show might. “I just want to rub my hands all over them,” he growls, moving in for a kiss.

I laugh louder, trying not to trip as I gently put my hand to his chest and push him back. “I’ll tell you what, you call your mom to come get us and I’ll let you rub my legs as long as you want.”

“Promise?” he asks, with an intense look on his face.

I cross my heart with my finger. “Promise, but make sure she brings Thomas. We can’t leave your car here.” Otherwise it’ll probably get trashed.

He grins at me and then retrieves his phone out of his pocket to call his mom. I keep an eye on Mikey’s car, hoping he stays in there until we’re gone, because if he gets out and Micha finds out he hit me, all shit’s going to hit the fan. Micha isn’t the most violent person, except when it comes to me. I remember how Micha told me he punched Grantford Davis because he was the one who drove me to the bridge that night.

“Okay, she’ll be here in, like, five,” Micha announces, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. Then he steps forward, rubbing his hands together, breathing out a cloud of air. “Now for some leg rubbing.”

I laugh as he backs me up against the car and then lifts me and sits me down on his lap as he sinks into the driver’s seat and shuts the door. He starts rubbing his hands up and down my legs, tickling my thighs and making the air feel sweltering even though it’s below zero out. Ethan and Lila start making out in the passenger seat, making these breathless noises, and Micha whispers something about them challenging us and then kisses me roughly.

The next few minutes move by in a blurry haze full of kissing and touching and awkwardness because Lila and Ethan are in the seat next to us doing the same thing. But everyone’s too drunk to care and by the time Micha’s mom pulls up beside us in Thomas’s old pickup, she damn near gets an eyeful.

Thankfully, everyone’s clothes are still on when she raps on the window. She makes Micha and I get out, cracking a joke about us acting like teenagers again, almost like she sort of misses it.

Micha and I get in the backseat and Ethan climbs back, too, ungracefully diving over the console. Then Lila follows him, jumping onto his lap. We’re crammed in the backseat, Lila’s knees pressing against mine as I pretty much ball myself up on Micha’s lap.

“There’s room up here,” Micha’s mom says, patting the empty passenger seat and then she adjusts the rearview mirror.

“We’re good,” the four of us say nearly in sync and then we laugh.

Micha’s mom sighs and then follows Thomas out of the parking lot, leaving the bar, Mikey, and our past behind. At least for now.

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