The Gamble

Chapter Eight Concoctions

“Oh… my… God! I love your house!” I heard my mother cry.

I blinked away my weird dream into the morning sunlight shining into Max’s loft and I saw his empty pillow. Why I was dreaming about my mother, I didn’t –

“And you’re gorgeous!” she exclaimed.

My heart stuttered and my eyes went wide.

“No,” I whispered, threw the covers back and stopped dead when I saw my body. I was naked except for a pair of white, lace panties.

My mind flew back to last night, waking up in Max’s arms as he carried me from the car to the house. Me telling him I’d be okay to walk. Him putting me on my feet at the foot of the spiral staircase. Me stumbling up, taking off all my clothes but my underwear and my shoes and falling face down in bed.

And that was it.

Oh.

My.

God.

“I love it here!” my mother shrieked, the sound jerking my mind from my dismaying thoughts and my body into motion. “Steve, I want to move here.”

I heard male mumblings but I’d located Max’s shirt from last night on the floor and snatched it up. I shrugged it on, buttoning it at the same time I was running across the room and down the stairs.

I hit the bottom and saw Mom standing, looking out the window, her arms up and straight out at her sides as if she was calling to the Mountain Sun God to shine his blessing on her. Max was standing a few feet away from her smiling, wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms. Steve was standing as close to her side as he could get with her arms spread wide, also smiling. Steve’s smile was indulgent to Max’s entertained.

“God’s country!” Mom declared loudly.

“Mom, what on earth?” I asked, walking toward them and Mom whirled.

“Neenee Bean!” she screeched and rushed up to me, throwing her arms around me and giving me a fierce hug.

I forgot to be shocked by Mom’s surprise visit when I felt her arms around me. Mine went around her and I hugged her tight.

“This feels good,” I whispered into her hair.

“Oh yes, sweetie, the best,” Mom whispered back.

I felt her hands gather up my hair and she pulled away, holding my hair at the back.

“I like your hair this long,” she observed, her eyes doing a Mom Scan.

“Thanks, you look good,” I observed, my eyes doing a Daughter Scan, seeing Mom looked fit and healthy, her skin tan, her hair perfectly dyed the blonde she declared she’d never let go and pulled softly back in an attractive, mature-lady’s ponytail at her nape. Her turtleneck and slacks were trim, neat and fashionable.

All pure Mom.

“Swimming three times a week, gardening, golf and a good diet. And you have to moisturize, Neenee Bean, day and night. Don’t forget.”

“I don’t.”

“I know, sweetheart, your skin is flawless, always was. Though, Nina,” she admonished, her eyes narrowing on my face, “you shouldn’t go to bed with your makeup on. If I taught you nothing, I taught you that.”

“You wanna let the big, bad stepdad get a hug in or are you gonna keep her all to yourself?” Steve’s rumbly voice asked from close and I stepped back and looked up at him.

Steve was big and tall, had gone only slightly soft, not losing his lean physique or his broad shoulders. His hair was all gray and he didn’t care most likely because it was a thick, silvery gray and it suited him. Unlike Mom, who was dressed for lunch with the girls, Steve was wearing jeans, comfortable walking shoes and a flannel shirt. He’d been a maintenance engineer and before he retired he’d supervised a complex of eight buildings.

He was also a lovely man.

“Hi Steve,” I said and slid into his arms for one of his deep, tight, bear hugs.

“Good to see you, doll,” he said to the top of my head.

“You too, Steve.”

“Oh!” Mom cried and Steve let me go so we could turn to her but he kept an arm around my shoulders. When we faced Mom, we saw she was addressing Max. “We get to know each other I’ll get to hug you.”

It was then I remembered to be shocked by Mom’s surprise visit. And at that moment, I added horrified.

“Mom!” I snapped and Mom turned to me.

“I get to do it when he doesn’t have a shirt on too. I’m calling it now,” Mom declared.

“Speakin’ of that,” Max muttered, grinning broadly but heading to the stairs. “I’m gonna get dressed.” He looked at me when he passed and said, “Babe, can you start coffee?”

“Um… yes,” I replied.

His eyes dropped to my shirt and I caught them darkening before he turned his head away and went up the stairs.

“Nina, sweetie, this house, that view, that man. My God!” Mom cried.

“Nellie, darlin’, this place is open plan. Max can hear you,” Steve informed her.

“So? We’re all family now. He’ll have to get used to me,” Mom decreed madly and marched toward the kitchen. “I’ll make coffee, rustle up breakfast. Neenee Bean, you go wash your face and moisturize.”

I was still swaying from the force of Mom’s “we’re all family now” statement so my protesting words were weak. “Mom, I’ll get coffee and maybe we should meet in town for breakfast or something and you can tell me then what you’re doing here.”

“Oh, tosh!” Mom was in the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards. “That’ll take too long, we’ll have breakfast here,” she declared then went on. “I’ll make pancakes. No! My famous scrambled eggs. Max strikes me as an egg man.”

I decided speaking was giving my mother fodder to embarrass me further so I grinned at Steve, ducked under his arm and rushed to the stairs, saying, “I’ll be back down in a second.”

I hit the loft as Max came out of the bathroom wearing a dark blue Henley thermal and jeans and I stopped dead.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered loudly.

Max got close and tilted his head down to me. “Yeah? Why?”

“My mother’s… she’s… well, my mother.” I was still whispering.

“Heard the knock, honey, expected to see your Dad at the door. Damn better sight seein’ your Mom smilin’ and wavin’ and jumpin’ up and down.”

I closed my eyes as the vision of Mom doing that, and she would do it, filled my head.

I felt Max’s hands on my neck and he called, “Duchess.”

I opened my eyes and repeated, “Sorry.”

He used my neck to pull me closer. “Only thing you got to be sorry for is passin’ out on me last night. Though, baby,” I watched up close as his eyes got warm, “you passin’ out naked but leavin’ on those fuckin’ sexy shoes and now wearin’ my shirt makes up for it.”

“What?” I was lost in his eyes. I couldn’t process words especially since his words were mostly scary.

“Not all of it, but it helps.”

“What?” I repeated, still coping with the shocks of my morning and, of course, Max’s warm eyes.

He got even closer and whispered, “Gonna fuck you in that shirt too.”

I processed that.

“And those shoes,” he went on as if deep in his thoughts, “though, not at the same time.”

My knees buckled and my hands shot up to grab Max’s waist in order to stay standing. I found if I hooked my thumbs in his belt loops at the sides this worked really well and I realized why he’d used that on me though, obviously, his was different.

“You got any sisters?” Max asked for some reason and I shook my head. “Brothers other than Charlie?” he went on and I kept shaking my head. “Cousins?”

“Some of those,” I whispered.

He grinned. “So is that who we can expect tomorrow?”

My cousins were as nutty as my mother and if she made calls to my aunts, who were also loons, this could be a possibility. Therefore instead of answering, I fell forward and pressed my face into his Henley.

“See I got mostly Nina Zombie,” Max said, his lips at my hair. “Get yourself sorted out, darlin’. I’ll go down and see that your mother doesn’t move into the barn.”

My head shot back and I whispered, “Oh God, Max, don’t tell her you have a barn. Seriously, she’ll consider it. She’ll have contractors here tomorrow to talk about a conversion.”

He was still grinning when he kissed me, pulled away and stated, “My lips are sealed.”

Then he let me go and walked to the stairs.

I ran to the bathroom and rushed through my morning ritual and didn’t bother dressing because I didn’t want to leave Max alone with my mother that long. And anyway, Max’s shirt provided far more coverage than my nightie or even one of his t-shirts and it was Mom and Steve. Mom and Steve lived in Arizona now so Steve had been seeing me in pajamas and bathing suits ever since he was promoted to “companion” status.

I ran down the stairs, rolling the sleeves up and heard Mom banging away and talking at the same time.

“…then she got in a debate, with the quizmaster, on television and took him to task for his superior, sexist attitude.”

Oh my God. Mom was sharing the Dreaded High School Brain Team Story.

“Mom,” I cut in.

“Quiet, sweetie, I’m telling Max the Brain Team Story.”

I hit the kitchen seeing Max was at his usual place against the sink, Steve was at a stool and Mom was at the counter surrounded by what looked like everything in Max’s cupboards.

I had no time to ask about Mom’s apparent surprise kitchen inventory, I had to stop the Brain Team Story.

“I know, Mom, and I wish you wouldn’t.”

She stopped and looked at me with raised brows. “I’ll never know why you’re embarrassed by that story.”

“How many reasons do you want?” I asked.

“Three!” Mom shot back.

I lifted my hand and counted them down. “One, I did it on local television and everyone saw. Two, I was kicked off the Brain Team and suspended from school. And three, I was on the Brain Team at all.”

“Men like smart girls,” she retorted.

“Yes, that’s what you told me when I didn’t have a date to the senior prom.”

She leaned forward and returned, “You didn’t have a date to the senior prom because that silly Flannery boy broke up with you for that terrible Sipowicz girl.” Mom turned to Max and added, “She had too much hair, always flouncing it around, and she was loose.”

Mom spoke the truth. Perry Sipowicz had a lot of hair she was always flouncing around and she definitely was loose.

“Anyway,” Mom turned back to the counter and started moving stuff around what appeared to be randomly, “I was proud of my Neenee Bean for sticking up to that awful television person. He thought he was God’s gift and everyone could see he was wearing a hairpiece. And he was being sexist. He wouldn’t let Nina answer any of the questions and she was the only girl on either school’s team. So I was glad she told him off.” She turned back to Max and finished, “It was then I knew she’d make a brilliant attorney. She got into every school she applied to.”

“Mom,” I said, moving toward the coffeepot, “enough.”

“You did,” Mom muttered, looked at Max and repeated, “She did.”

I looked at Max and rolled my eyes. Max smiled.

I asked the room, “Who wants coffee?”

“Me!” Mom cried as if I wasn’t standing right next to her which I was.

I looked over my shoulder at Steve, pulling down mugs from the cupboard. “Steve?”

“A cup would hit the spot, Nina.”

I looked at Max as I went to the fridge for milk. “Max?”

“Yeah, baby.”

Mom leaned into me when I made it back to the counter by her side and she whispered loudly even though if she whispered softly Max could still hear her as he was maybe two feet away. “I like that, the ‘baby’ thing. He’s yummy.”

“Stop calling Max yummy in front of Steve.”

“Oh, Steve doesn’t mind,” Mom dismissed with a wave of her hand.

“Okay, then stop calling Max yummy in front of Max.”

Mom leaned back to look behind me at Max and informed him, “Nina can be a bit uptight.”

Max burst out laughing.

I cried, “Mother!”

Mom turned wide eyes to me. “You can!”

I looked to the ceiling and called, “God? Can I have a time machine? Please. I just want to go back thirty-five years, crawl out of my pram, get lost in the wilds and be raised by stray dogs.”

Mom leaned back and said to Max, “She can also be dramatic.” She turned back to whatever she was doing at the counter and murmured, “Though, it’s good, she’s always had an excellent imagination.”

I handed Max his mug and took Steve’s coffee to him, saying, “Mom, Max likes me, okay? You don’t have to convince him seeing as I’m standing in his kitchen in his shirt.”

“All right,” Mom snapped and looked back at Max. “She can get testy too.”

I closed my eyes and dropped my head back. I stood there in supplication for half a second before an arm hooked at my waist and my back was up against Max’s front.

“Grab your coffee, Duchess and let your Mom be,” Max ordered in my ear.

I leaned forward and grabbed my coffee, muttering, “Whatever.” Then I looked at Mom and found I couldn’t let her be so I asked, “What are you doing, anyway?”

“I’m in the mood to concoct something,” Mom answered and my entire body got tense.

“Mom –” I started and Steve was with me for he said in a low, warning tone, “Nellie, not sure that’s a good idea.”

“My concoctions are the best,” Mom declared in Steve’s direction.

“Your concoctions are hit and miss. Mostly miss,” I told her.

Mom whirled on me, aghast. “You loved my blueberry, rhubarb soufflé.”

“Mom, I lied. It tasted a lot like vomit.”

Max’s body started shaking against mine but I was forced to ignore it when Mom emitted an outraged gasp.

“It did not taste like vomit!”

“Please, just let me make toast.”

Mom, if it could be believed, was even more aghast and she cried, “What will Max think, he gets toast?”

“It’s his house, Mom, you’re the guest,” I reminded her.

“I’m the Mom in any circumstances and children don’t get toast. Ever.”

“She’s got you there, Duchess,” Max whispered.

I twisted and looked up at Max. “You’re not a child, Max.”

“As long’s we’re alive, you’re always children, doll,” Steve put in and I looked at Steve and my shoulders slumped.

But I didn’t give in gracefully and therefore mumbled, “Ganged up on.”

“Deal with it, sweetie,” Mom muttered, turned to the plethora of foodstuffs on the counter and went on, hands up, wiggling her fingers, “Now, I’m thinking… something strawberry.”

I decided to take a sip of coffee and let events unfold without my participation.

It was then I realized I was leaning against Max and he still had his arm around my waist. It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable. In fact it felt natural and entirely comfortable. It was also then I realized I liked this.

“Oh my God!” Mom suddenly shouted, I jumped and looked at her to see she was holding up the new creamer I bought Max. “This is divine, Max. You have such good taste.”

“Nina bought that for me,” Max informed her and Mom’s eyes got happy wide, her face beaming and she looked at Steve.

“You hear that, Steve, darling? Nina bought Max a creamer.” And Mom said this like she would say, “You hear that, Steve darling? Nina just declared her undying love to Max and they’re going to be surgically attached at the hip tomorrow.”

“I heard it, love,” Steve said, grinning at Mom’s obvious happiness for it was doubtful Steve was thrilled about the creamer.

“Lovely,” Mom muttered and put down the creamer and then started opening and closing cupboards, still muttering when she said, “Now, bowls.”

“Max,” Steve called, I looked to him and I suspected Max did too for Steve kept talking. “I hate to cut into the usual madcap Nellie-Nina reunion but we gotta talk about that jackass Lawrence.”

There it was, the reason for their visit, just as I would have guessed if I’d had time to make a guess.

Mom was dumping stuff into a bowl but she leaned into me and stated, “Steve has a plan. Steve always has a plan.” Then she winked at me and went back to dumping stuff in the bowl.

“What’re you thinkin’?” Max asked.

“I’m thinkin’ after breakfast we leave the women up here and go down the mountain and have a talk with Lawrence at his hotel.”

My body got tense again.

“Works for me,” Max said instantly.

“Um… I don’t –” I started but stopped when Max squeezed my waist.

“We’ll be back, less than an hour,” Max told me and I twisted to look at him.

“Max –”

“Duchess,” Max cut me off, “it’s as good as done.”

I hadn’t had time to contemplate my predicament, my escape or scrutinize the fact that I consistently seemed to allow myself to get thwarted and end each day in bed with Max. However I was relatively certain that I didn’t want Max to team up with Steve to send my father packing. I didn’t know why, I just thought that was family business and Max wasn’t family. And I didn’t know why, but I thought if he did do this, he’d be that one step closer to being family. What I did know was that I wanted him to be family and I also knew I shouldn’t.

“Max, can we talk about this?” I asked.

“We can though you ain’t gonna change my mind.”

“Max –”

He used his hand at my waist to turn me to face him then his arm went back around my waist and pulled me close.

“Let me explain somethin’, Nina. He’s in town and he’s thinkin’ about fuckin’ with you. You said your piece yesterday, made your point clear and he still thinks he can fuck with you. A man’s any man at all, no one fucks with his woman, not even her father. He thinks he can, until I make it clear he can’t, he’ll always think he can. So better now than later he learns he can’t. Yeah?”

“Max, I just don’t think it should be you. Maybe I –” I stopped talking when I got another squeeze.

“Honey, he showed you zero respect yesterday and he upset you. You think I’m gonna let that happen again?”

“Max –”

“I’m not.”

“Max –”

“He won’t have a choice but to show me respect.”

“Max –”

“Especially if I got your family at my back.”

“Max!” I shouted.

“What?”

“All right, go see Dad.”

There it was. I gave in again. I had no idea why I constantly did this except perhaps the soft look and beautiful smile Max was giving me now.

To avoid it and its effect on my entire system, I turned within Max’s arm and leaned against him again.

“Steve, when we get back, could use your help hangin’ the Cotton,” Max said to Steve and I closed my eyes.

Steve was always busy, always doing something, always had a project. He’d love helping Max hang the Cotton.

“Sure thing, Max,” Steve said amiably, I heard Mom sniff and looked at her but she had her head ducked.

Then she whispered, “Powder my nose.”

Then she rushed away as Max called gently, “Door to the right, under the loft.”

I sighed because I knew Mom was crying and I had a suspicion Mom had a lot more reasons to like Max now.

I looked at Steve and Steve was watching me. His eyes dropped to Max’s arm at my waist then they came back to my face. His smile was slow and so was his wink.

I smiled back even though panic gripped me.

If I was honest, I knew why I didn’t escape, even though I knew I was facing disaster.

Because I didn’t want to escape.

Now, Mom and Steve might disown me if I tried.

I sighed, leaned further into Max and his arm got tight.

I took a sip of coffee while the men stayed comfortably silent.

Then I asked, “Do you think we have time to sneak in some toast before she gets back?”

My timing was bad and Max’s excellent construction foiled me for Mom had opened the door and its noiseless hinges were my undoing.

“I heard that,” Mom snapped, rounding the counter.

“No,” Max answered my question and Steve laughed.

I sighed again and took another sip of coffee.

“Not to be rude or anything, Max,” Mom started when she hit the counter, “I adore the Cottons but I must say that piece of art you have out front is… um… how do I put it?” She paused then finished in a tone that belied her word, “interesting.”

My eyes went outside and I saw my vandalized rental car.

Then more than likely from stress, mild hysteria and just Mom being Mom, I burst out laughing.

***

Max’s phone rang after I walked out of Max’s bathroom, dressed, made up, hair done and ready to face the day.

Max and Steve left to talk to Dad after “breakfast” which tasted mostly of strawberries, thank God, but the rest of it didn’t bear thinking about. Mom said she’d clean the kitchen so I could get a shower. I left her to it and now was done and Max’s phone was ringing.

I had no idea what to do, whether Max would want me to answer and take a message or if maybe it was Max, calling me to tell me he was in jail because my father was a big jerk and pushed him to lose control and Mom and I had to come down and post bail for him and Steve.

As I was making up my mind, the answering machine, which was at the roll top but could be heard throughout the house, switched on. I heard Max’s voice order, “Leave a message,” there was a beep and Bitsy’s voice could be heard.

“Max? It’s Bitsy, listen, I was hoping you’d be home. You aren’t answering your cell. I wanted to talk to Nina, could you ask her to…”

I ran to Max’s nightstand and picked up the cordless, hitting the on button and I heard the noise of the answering machine beeping off.

“Bitsy?” I said into the phone.

“Oh, Nina. Hi.”

“Hi, sorry, I just got out of the shower.”

“That’s okay.” She was silent for a moment then she asked, “Is Max there?”

“No, do you want me to have him call you?”

“No, uh…” she paused then said, “really, I wanted to talk to you.”

I wasn’t sure how to react to this so I gave myself a second and walked to the railing. I looked out and saw Mom sitting outside on the front steps, her legs stretched out in front of her crossed at the ankles, her hands back behind her, body resting on her hands face tipped to the sun. It must be another warm day and the snow was fast disappearing.

Then I said, “Sure, Bitsy, what can I do for you?”

“It’s just that, uh… Harry came by. He told me about last night.”

“Oh.”

“And, uh, so did Brody. He told me about last night too.”

It must have been a busy morning for Bitsy.

“Oh. Yes, well, it was an interesting night,” I said to her.

“You should know, Shauna lied to Kami. Max never took Shauna ring shopping.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“He, well, I don’t know why he hooked up with her. She’s gorgeous, of course, and I don’t think she ever showed him her, you know, true face until, you know, they got together.”

“Bitsy,” I broke in softly, hearing her hesitation, knowing it had to be hard to talk about the woman who’d been sleeping with her husband in her bed when her husband was murdered, “you don’t have to talk about this.”

“I know,” she said softly back then she suddenly asked, “Your brother lost his legs in the army?”

This hit me hard and I sucked in breath. How she knew this, I didn’t know. Could be Max. Could be Mindy. Could be Mindy telling Brody who told Bitsy.

It didn’t matter, she knew so I said, “Yes, Bitsy, Charlie lost his legs.”

“Brody says Mindy says you looked after him.”

So it was Mindy-slash-Brody.

“Yes,” I answered.

“So, I think…” she paused then said on a rush, “you’d get me.”

“I’m sorry?”

She was quiet a moment then said softly, “No one gets me, Nina.”

I walked backwards to the bed, feeling my way with my feet and when I hit it, I plopped down.

“Bitsy, I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“I know what happened to Charlie, Nina,” Bitsy said gently. “So, I know you’d get me.”

I felt tears hit my eyes at what she was saying and I whispered, “Bitsy.”

“I had my moments, Nina, it’s terrible to admit but I understand Charlie.”

I swallowed and whispered, “Okay.”

“I’m sorry for you and for him.”

“Thanks.” I was still whispering.

“But my husband was fooling around on me,” she whispered back. “And I don’t blame him because, you know, the way I am. But I have to talk to someone about it. Someone who gets me.”

I heard the tears in her voice when she stopped talking so I said, “Oh, sweetheart.”

“And you also get what it’s like to have Shauna involved, seeing as she was after my man and she’s after yours too.”

“I’m not sure Max is my man.”

“Oh he is. Never seen him like that with anyone except Anna.”

I sucked in a silent breath and my body locked.

She kept speaking. “The whole town’s talkin’ about it. We’re all real glad. Thought Max’d never find anyone after Anna died. It’s been ten years, that’s a long time. Lord knows, I know that.”

I couldn’t think of her open talk about Anna, I had bigger things coming at me from her words.

It seemed now I was up against my own idiocy, my mother, Steve and the whole town of Gnaw Bone. My only ally was my father and right then Max and Steve were running him out of town.

I wasn’t in trouble, I was screwed.

“Bitsy –”

“Brody told me all you’ve done with Mindy and, I gotta say, I’m glad you’re nice. Anna was my best friend and I loved her. She’d want Max to end up with someone nice.”

Yes. Screwed.

“I don’t know what to say. Um… thank you.”

“Thank me for you bein’ nice?” she had a smile in her voice.

“Yes, I guess, and thank you for trusting me to talk to.”

She was quiet for long moments then she asked, “Do you think I’m crazy not to be mad at Curt?”

“I can’t say you’re crazy for anything you feel right now.”

“These past ten years, even though… you know.” She stopped and I didn’t know but I didn’t get the chance to ask before she went on, “I wasn’t much of a wife.”

I thought this was hideous if Curtis Dodd made Bitsy feel that way but I didn’t tell her that.

“Things are hard, when this happens, on everyone,” I told her.

“He loved me, people don’t get that. We had a good marriage, considering. We were… uh… you know….” she hesitated and then said, “active that way it’s just that it wasn’t the same as, you know… Shauna could do.” Then when I didn’t speak, she repeated, “You know?”

“Of course,” I said, thinking I kind of knew but mostly I didn’t and I said a little prayer of thanks for that.

“And he’s a man,” she went on defending her husband.

“Well, that explains a lot,” I told her and she gave a short laugh.

“Yeah.”

“Bitsy, darling,” I said, “you should feel free to feel how you want and don’t think of what people think.”

“No one liked him anyway, he died and his mistress phoned the police. It’s hard not to think of what people think since everyone’s thinkin’ somethin’.”

“Well, try. Anyone who truly cares about you will let you have your feelings, whatever they may be.”

She was silent a moment, letting this sink in then she said, “Yeah.”

“Do you want me to come and visit with you? My Mom’s here and she loves coffee. She’d really like one of your lattes. She’s also a really good listener.”

“Your Mom’s here?”

“Well my Dad came and he was being, well, my Dad, which means he was being a jerk to me and to Max. I told my Mom and Mom, being a Mom and in particular, my Mom, who’s a little nutty, decided to bring her husband and have him help Max take care of Dad. So she’s here, my stepdad Steve’s here and Max and Steve are in town probably threatening Dad and maybe earning themselves a lawsuit.”

“Good thing you’re a lawyer,” she said, again sounding like she was smiling.

Well, there it was again, news travelled fast.

“Hey, speaking of that, would you help me draw up my will?” she asked. “George is covered in work but he’s reading Curtis’s tomorrow and he said I should have one drawn up straight away after Curt’s is read. He wants to do it for me but says it may take awhile because he has some big case pending so he referred me to a guy next town over but I know him and he’s a weasel. I’d rather you help me do it.”

“Bitsy –”

“I’ll pay you.”

“It isn’t that.”

“What is it?”

“Um…” I tried to think of what it was then when I couldn’t I said, “nothing. Sure, I’ll be glad to help.”

“It’ll be easy. Just wanna make sure Shauna never gets her hands on any of it.”

“Bitsy –”

Bitsy’s voice got low and I realized Brody really shared when she said, “The kid’s Curt’s, I’ll put some money aside for him to get when he comes of age. ‘Til then she can blow.”

And there it was. Bitsy was a good woman, through and through. She was also a woman scorned.

“Okay, darling, we’ll tie it up tight,” I assured her.

“I want a DNA test, though.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe three, who knows who she’d fuck to get the test results back that she wants. We may need to go out of state.”

It was my turn to talk through a smile. “Might be a good idea.”

“Maybe you know someone in England, she’s never been to England, would better our chances, seein’ she’s been outta state.”

I laughed and heard Bitsy laugh too.

I also heard the front door open and Mom call, “Neenee Bean, let’s go hiking!”

“Be down in a sec!” I called back.

“That your Mom?” Bitsy said in my ear.

“Yes.”

“You can come over, bring her too, anytime you want. Just give me a call, ‘kay?”

“Okay.”

There was a hesitation then, “Thanks, Nina.”

“Bitsy?”

“Yeah.”

“You just give me a call too, anytime. Here at Max’s or I’ll give you my cell, but it’s an international number so –”

“Honey, I’m loaded, haven’t you heard?” I laughed again and she said, “I got a pen and paper right here, sock it to me.”

I gave her my number, she read it back and then I offered, “Anytime, Bitsy, okay?”

“Thanks Nina.”

“No, Bitsy,” I said softly, the tears hitting my eyes just as I fought them back. “You don’t know how many times I tried to get Charlie to open up to me. So thank you again for trusting me.”

“Oh honey,” she laughed in my ear, “my pleasure. I’ll lay all my troubles on you, you like it so much.”

I laughed back which helped the tears subside and said, “Take care.”

“Yeah, you too. Hope to see you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Later, honey.”

“Who was that?” Mom asked and I looked to see her standing at the top of the stairs.

“A friend of Max’s,” I told her, hitting the off button and vaguely hearing the answering machine beep again. “Sounded like a friend of yours.”

I sighed because there it was again, Max, his friends and the whole town sucking me in.

“Well, I guess, now she’s a friend of mine too.”

Mom grinned and walked into the room, threw herself on the bed and bounced.

“This room is divine,” she remarked, throwing out a hand then she looked at me. “Tell me all about your new friend.”

“Well... I can’t believe I’m going to say this but it involves murder.”

Mom leaned forward and her eyes got wide. “No kidding? Do tell!”

I stood up and took the phone back to its charger. “Let’s get coffee.”

“Okay, bring mine up here, I feel like lounging,” she said and rolled to her back.

“I thought you wanted to hike?” I asked, Mom gave me a look, lifted up a leg and showed me a slender foot in a strappy sandal.

“In these shoes?” she asked back, I smiled and she finished, “Temporary Colorado insanity.”

“Your wish, Mom, my command,” I replied, leaned into her, kissed her forehead and then walked to the stairs to get my Mom coffee.

Then I took it back up to her and we lounged on Max’s bed and I told her about rape, parking lot fisticuffs, restaurant wrestling, ice queens, sweet and wise twenty-four year old girls, mountain men and murder.

***

“Oh my God,” Mom breathed, standing by my side on Max’s porch, staring at Cotton walking up the steps, “is that Jimmy Cotton?”

“How do you know what Jimmy Cotton looks like?” I asked her.

“Internet,” she whispered, making her “I don’t do e-mail and internet” even more of a lie, her eyes still glued to Cotton and she appeared to be swaying.

“She swoons, Cotton, you’re the male in this scenario, you’ve got to catch her,” I told Cotton as he stopped in front of me.

“She wears fancy clothes, like you,” Cotton observed, giving Mom a once-over and giving me further evidence that my shopping with the goal to blend in during my Colorado adventure failed.

“She’s my mother,” I replied.

“I can see it,” Cotton remarked.

“Oh my God,” Mom breathed, staring at Cotton and looking like she was either going to faint, drop into a curtsy or throw herself in his arms.

Cotton looked at me and asked, “She say that a lot?”

“Twice as much as me and I say it a lot, a lot.” Or these days, I did in my head, but I didn’t share that with Cotton, I just told him, “She introduced me to your work. She’s a fan.”

“No kidding,” Cotton mumbled and I smiled. “Came by to see where you two hung the pictures,” Cotton told me, dipping his head toward the house.

“They’re hanging them today. My husband is helping,” Mom shared, sounding embarrassingly like a sycophant and Cotton’s brows knit together.

“What’s takin’ so long?” Cotton asked me.

“We’ve been, um… kind of busy,” I explained and he grinned.

“Neckin’?” Cotton enquired cheekily.

I shook my head and hoped it didn’t look like an “I wish” shake.

“Taking Bitsy to the Police Station and dealing with surprise visits from my Dad, yesterday, and Mom, today.” I gestured to Mom. “Then my car got vandalized, we think by Damon.” I pointed to the car and Cotton slowly turned to look at it then back to me as I continued. “And Brody’s in town so we had dinner with him and Mindy last night. Dinner included our table being visited by an unhappy Kami, a not-so-nice Shauna and then Harry wrestled around on the floor of The Rooster with Shauna’s date, turning over some tables and getting doused with ketchup and horseradish sauce.” Cotton stared at me speechless so I finished. “In between that we slept and, yes, there was some necking.”

“Nina gave me the lowdown a minute go,” Mom told him. “It would seem that Gnaw Bone is the Rocky Mountain Peyton Place.”

“Got that right,” Cotton replied and then turned to look over his shoulder.

I looked too and saw the Cherokee heading up the road. Then I felt my heart skip and I didn’t think this was because I was worried about the outcome of the confrontation with Dad. It was more likely because I was happy Max was home.

“Seein’ as I’m here,” Cotton said as he turned back to me, “I’ll supervise the hangin’ and bum a cup o’ joe.”

I smiled and replied, “You’re in luck; we just made a fresh pot.”

“I’m a lucky guy,” Cotton said back on a smile and we all watched Max turn up the lane and park.

My eyes stayed on him as he got out of the Cherokee and one look at his face, my body tensed.

“Oh my,” Mom mumbled.

She could say that again. Max looked angry.

Max hit the top of the steps at the same time an equally unhappy looking Steve made it to the foot.

Then Max’s eyes came to me and without greeting Cotton he told me the outcome of the confrontation.

“Babe, your Dad’s a dick.”

“Oh dear,” Mom was still mumbling.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Your Dad?” Max asked back. “Definitely jetlagged yesterday. You’re right. He’d wipe the floor with Kami at the same time takin’ on Shauna.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” I noted.

“It wasn’t,” Steve, who had arrived at our group, put in.

“What happened?” Mom asked.

“Bottom line, he ain’t leavin’ mainly because Niles arrives tonight and they want Nina to ‘appear’, Lawrence’s word, at breakfast at the hotel tomorrow morning,” Steve explained and my eyes locked on Max as my heart skipped a beat and this one wasn’t happy.

“What?” I whispered.

Max got close and his hands came to either side of my neck. “You ain’t goin’.”

“But –”

“Fuck ‘em, playin’ these games with your head.”

“Max.”

“Nina, they can want whatever the fuck they want, that doesn’t mean you have to do it.”

I shook my head, short, dazed shakes and then it hit me.

So I said, “I’ll go.”

Max’s brows drew together dangerously and he asked, “What?”

“I’ll go.”

His hands tightened on my neck and I felt his body tighten with them. “Why?”

“Because, it’s the right thing to do.”

“Nina –”

“No, Max,” I cut him off, hooking my thumbs in his belt loops at the sides of his jeans and I explained, “You don’t break up with someone over e-mail or over the phone. You do it face to face. No matter what you may think, Niles isn’t a jerk, he never hurt me, lied to me, cheated on me, hit me. He deserves me breaking up with him face to face.”

“Your father’s pretty convinced he and Niles can talk you into changing your mind,” Max informed me.

“Well, they’re wrong.”

“Duchess –”

I interrupted him, this time by leaning into him and I said softly, “Max, they won’t because you’ll be there with me.” His body jerked with surprise as his head tilted to the side. “And Mom,” I went on. “And Steve. You’ll all take care of me.” I leaned in closer and promised, “It’ll be okay.”

His fingers at my neck tightened again and he whispered, “Baby.”

“You’ve done a lot for me but can I ask you to do this too?”

Max’s eyes held mine for a long moment before he replied softly, “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

This was what he said, what he meant was he wouldn’t allow it to happen any other way. I knew that, he knew it too but it was nice the way he said it.

And there it was again. Now I was inviting Max’s deeper involvement in my life. What was wrong with me?

“What’s all this?” Cotton asked and Mom moved toward him, deciding she would stop fawning and start flirting (innocently, which was Mom’s way and Steve thought it was annoyingly hilarious or hilariously annoying, I couldn’t ever tell which) and hooked her arm through his.

“Coffee first, you need at least coffee before any conversation commences about Lawrence Sheridan,” Mom told him.

They started walking to the front door, everyone moving in that direction, when Max’s head turned toward the road then everyone’s heads turned to the road. This was because three cars were speeding up it.

I stared at the racing convoy. Brody’s Subaru, followed by Becca’s sporty, red, mini-SUV and trailing was a police SUV.

“What now?” Max muttered as he slung an arm around my shoulders and headed us both down the steps. For my part, without much choice, I wrapped my arm around his waist and hooked my thumb in his side belt loop.

Brody stopped his Subaru on a spray of gravel and was out of it practically before it came completely halted.

“You ain’t answerin’ your cell and your line’s fuckin’ engaged,” he accused Max the instant he cleared the door.

“What –?” Max started but Brody interrupted him.

“You seen Mindy?” he asked, his eyes were locked on Max but I felt something grip my insides, something vicious.

“No, why?” Max answered, I heard his tone had an edge and watched Becca pull in behind Brody’s Subaru.

“She call?” Brody went on. He’d walked swiftly and come to a stop in front of Max and me. His face was a stony mask of worry.

“No, Brody, what’s happening?” Max replied. His body had gone tight and alert at my side.

“You?” Brody turned to me. “See or hear from her?”

I shook my head and said, “No.”

“Jesus, Brody, what the fuck’s happening?” Max asked, his voice getting hard, not with anger, with what I saw in Brody’s face.

Brody reached behind him and pulled a folded piece of paper out of the back pocket of his jeans as Becca made it to us and Jeff was jogging up.

“Slipped that under the door to her apartment while I was out this mornin’,” Brody told Max as he handed him the paper.

But I was staring at Becca’s face and Becca was staring at the paper like it was going to grow claws and strike out at her and that grip on my insides not only tightened, it twisted.

I forced my eyes away from Becca, looked down at the paper in Max’s hand and read.

Brody,

I know what you’re going to think but you don’t know.

I can’t get clean.

And I need to get clean.

Every time I think I can go back to who I was before, I think I can forget, I think I can go forward, it fills my head and I remember how dirty I am.

I need to get clean.

And I know how.

After last night, I know I can do it. I’ve been thinking about it and no time seemed to be the right time but I know I can do it now.

You told me you were happy in your job, you love Seattle and Mom and Dad are moving to Arizona and they’ve wanted to do that for so long. And Max found Nina and she’s sweet and they’re happy together. So I can do it now, everyone I love is happy. I know now it’s all good.

We had such a great night last night, the perfect ending, now I can go.

Tell Becca not to be mad at me and tell her I listened all those times we talked but she doesn’t get it either. She doesn’t understand what it feels like to wash and wash and wash and never feel clean.

So I’m going to the only place that can make me clean, crystal clear, fresh and clean.

You don’t be mad at me either, Brody. Please try to understand.

Tell Mom and Dad, Max and Becca I love them, okay?

And I love you too.

xoxo Mins

“It’s a suicide note,” Becca whispered but I knew that. I knew it. I knew it reading it and I knew it because I’d stopped breathing and I knew it because I’d read one before and I knew it because that grip on my insides felt like a vice and I felt that before too. “She talked about it to me, I asked her to go see someone.” Becca’s voice dropped to nearly nothing. “She promised she would.”

“We got boys high and low lookin’ for her,” Jeff put in and his voice sounded tight.

I felt Mom, Steve and Cotton had gotten close but they stayed quiet, correctly reading the atmosphere.

I didn’t look at anyone. I was simply staring at the note still held up in Max’s hand.

“Fuck!” Brody hissed. “She was okay last night, laughin’, eatin’, drinkin’ –”

“Crystal clear and fresh,” I whispered, cutting Brody off.

“What?” Max asked and I watched the note disappear as his hand dropped away and his body turned to me as his arm curled me to his front.

I looked up into Max’s handsome face wearing a replica of Brody’s stony concern. “Crystal clear and fresh,” I repeated. “She said that to me when I was giving her a facial. She used those words to describe someplace she really likes, someplace on the river. She said the water was always clear there, you could always see right down to the bottom. Crystal clear and –”

“Holling’s Bend,” Max said, his neck twisting to look at Brody and then he suddenly let me go and he was running.

Not thinking, I ran with him, Brody did too, around the house and up the incline toward the barn.

Brody was yelling as he ran. “Jeff, take the road, scan the river as you go!”

They pulled ahead and I watched Max yank open the barn door on a mighty heave and disappear inside. I ran into the cold darkness to see him squatting in front of an open cupboard door. He twisted a knob on a safe, pulled it open and I saw some keys hanging inside. He grabbed a set, turned and tossed them to Brody. Brody caught them and ran to an ATV. Max grabbed another set and ran to the other ATV.

He got on and, as he was slipping the key into the ignition, I climbed on behind him.

He twisted and clipped, “Nina.”

“Go!” I yelled. “Go, go, go!”

He delayed no further, twisted back, started the ATV, turned sharply in the barn and shot out behind Brody.

Max either was more experienced on the ATV or knew the terrain better, maybe both, but even with me holding tight to his waist, we passed Brody. The wind, chill on the ATV and me not wearing a jacket, whipped our bodies and hair and we were going fast, too fast, scary fast and I didn’t notice.

The wheels left earth as we flew over a rise then landed with a bone-jarring thud which made me glad I was holding onto Max for dear life. We barreled down it, heading toward the narrow, now muddy track running the side of the river that Max and I took on the snowmobile.

My heart in my throat hammering uncontrollably, I scanned the river as it flew by at our sides.

My eyes were on the river but my mind was on Mindy putting her hand to my window and giving me that funny, little smile. That funny, little smile I was too stupid, stupid, stupidly drunk to read. Max had asked me to take it easy on the drink, he’d told me she had bad moments, I’d even bloody seen them. But did I listen, did I read the signs, signs I’d seen but didn’t read before with Charlie?

No. No, I didn’t.

Then we neared the bend and I saw her. Max did too.

“God fucking dammit,” he clipped and even with the wind, I heard the alarm and anger clear in his gravelly voice.

He hadn’t stopped the ATV when I jumped off and started running straight to the steep incline that fell down to the river.

“Nina!” Max shouted but I didn’t pause and went over the side, running hell bent for my darling girl floating face down, her body caught in some reeds and butting against some rocks, her long hair a darkened, strawberry blonde web drifting eerily all around her.

I lost my footing and fell to a knee, sliding down the incline on my lower side to the bottom. I felt the rocks and gravel scoring at my thigh, hip and calf but the pain didn’t register. The minute my feet touched earth I ran again, straight to Mindy, straight into the water and I heard Max shout my name again.

I ignored it and slid along the slippery stones under my feet, the snow melt water rushing all around me and the river floor fell away faster than I expected. The water was shocking in its bitter chill but I kept going. I was up to my breasts when I got to her.

Flipping her around, I slipped my arms under her armpits and started backwards, pulling her along with me which was difficult to do fighting against the mighty tug of the rushing river. I hit something and knew it was Max when I felt his arms hook under mine, anchoring me to him as I was anchoring Mindy to me.

We were waist high when Brody was there, he lifted her up in his arms and troughed through the water with long, determined strides. Max’s arm went along my back, hand under my armpit, holding me close as he turned us and part walked, part dragged me back to the bank.

Brody had Mindy on her back and he was on his knees at her side, bent over her, ear to her mouth when Max hauled me out of the river and we made it to them.

Then his torso shot up to straight, his eyes going to Max. “She ain’t breathin’.”

Without hesitation I dropped to my knees and thanked all that was holy I volunteered to go to that First Aid class, even though at the time I could have done without it because my caseload was heavy. Now, if this ended better than it looked like it would, I was personally going to hunt down my instructor and give him a huge, bleeding, kiss.

Positioning my hands like I was taught, I put them to Mindy’s chest and counted out loud with each compression.

Then I moved to her mouth, opened it, stuck my finger inside to make sure nothing was there, tilted her head back, pinched her nose, put my mouth to hers and exhaled my breath into her body.

Back to the chest compressions, counting down.

Then I moved to Mindy’s mouth, pinched her nose and exhaled.

Back to the compressions.

Back to Mindy’s mouth.

Then back.

Then back.

And again.

And again.

“Goddammit, Mindy,” I shouted when she lay there lifeless, no longer counting out loud with my compressions but doing them all the same. “Don’t let him beat you!”

Then I went to Mindy’s mouth.

Back to the compressions.

And back.

And again.

“Nina,” Max whispered, dropping down beside me in a squat, I felt his hand at my back.

I looked up to see Brody standing; his hands were both on the top of his head. He was staring down at Mindy and me, his expression ravaged.

I ignored Max and Brody and bent to Mindy’s mouth.

Then back to the compressions.

“Baby,” Max was still whispering.

“When’s Jeff getting here?” I snapped then went to Mindy’s mouth.

Then back to the compressions.

“Nina, honey,” Max whispered, my eyes went to him, I felt my heart in my throat, the tears in my eyes and I kept up the compressions.

Mindy choked.

My head jerked down and she was choke-coughing, the sound both heinous and beautiful, her hands lifting weakly before falling away and I moved her to her side as water flooded out her mouth.

“Get it out, darling,” I cooed, bending close to her, pulling the wet hair from her face and neck. “Get it all out.”

Liquid poured from her mouth and she kept choking, tipping her head forward, curling into herself after it was all gone.

“Mins,” Brody was now squatting and he pulled her torso into his arms when she was simply spluttering. “Babe,” he whispered, his hand cupping the back of her head, pressing it to his neck as his other arm held her close.

Jeff ran up to us. “Jesus, fuck, is she okay?”

Brody looked up at him. “Call an ambulance.”

“No,” Mindy whispered, her voice rough, “no.”

“Babe, Mins, we gotta –” Brody started.

“They all know about me,” Mindy said weakly into his neck. “They know everything. They all know. I don’t want them to know this.”

“The house,” Max ordered, squatted and put a hand under Mindy’s knees, an arm at her back and stood, pulling her out of Brody’s arms and lifting her, striding away, still talking. “Jeff, you drive her to the house, Nina will ride with her.”

“I’ll ride with her,” Brody declared as Max climbed the steep incline with Mindy in his arms as if he did it every day for his workout. Brody and Jeff managed it too. I slipped and slid but not as badly as I did coming down.

“You take the ATV back with me, Nina’s got her,” Max ordered as he made it to the top and marched to the police vehicle.

“Max –”

Max stopped and turned to Brody. “Trust me, Nina’s got her.”

Then with Mindy in his arms, he used his hand to open the door and slid Mindy in the back. Without hesitation the moment Max stepped away, I climbed up next to her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t put her arms around me but she cuddled closer.

I looked at Max and nodded. “We’re good.”

Max closed the door. Jeff slid in the front, turned the ignition and reversed down the narrow track so fast, all the hairs would have risen on my head if I wasn’t concentrating on Mindy.

“You with me, sweetheart?” I asked her but she didn’t respond.

Jeff found a clearing he could execute a three-point turn in and he did so then raced down the narrow, one-lane track.

“Mindy, darling, you with me?” I repeated.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

I snuggled her closer, moved my lips to her ear and there I promised on a whisper that was only for her, “You and me, we’ll find a way to make you feel clean. You and me. Yes? We’ll find a way.” My arms tightened around her and I finished. “Just not that way.”

She didn’t answer and I smoothed the wet hair away from her face, down her back, my other arm holding her tight.

We made it to the front of Max’s house at the same time the ATVs came into view, proving Jeff wasted no time getting us home. My door was pulled open and I jumped out, Jeff reached in and his arms went around Mindy but I didn’t watch.

I turned and ran to Mom who, with Cotton, Steve and Becca were running down the steps as Max and Brody both shut off their ATVs at the bottom.

“Thank God,” Becca breathed but my eyes were on my mother.

“Mom, run up to Max’s bathroom and run a warm bath, okay?” I asked, she nodded and ran into the house. I looked to Cotton. “You know a doctor who’ll come out here but won’t talk in town?”

“Yeah, darlin’,” Cotton replied, eyes glued to Jeff and Mindy.

“Call him,” I ordered and turned to Jeff. “Take her upstairs.”

Jeff was already nearing the door. I followed Jeff in the house and up the stairs and Max and Brody followed me.

Jeff set Mindy on her feet in the bathroom where Mom was on her knees beside the tub, her hand under the faucet, her other hand controlling the taps.

“Can you stand, honey?” Jeff asked gently and Mindy turned her head away but her legs buckled and Jeff’s arms went back around her.

“I got her,” Brody said, pushing forward.

The bathroom was not small. It had good space, a bathtub, separate shower, sink built into a marble-tiled vanity and a sauna.

Still, with Mom, me, Mindy and three hulking mountain men, it was a close fit.

“Boys, out,” Mom demanded before I could do it.

“She’s my sister and I don’t even know who you are,” Brody shot back and my eyes went to Max.

“Brody,” Max said low and came forward too.

I went to Mindy.

“That’s my Mom, Brody, and we have this, okay?” I asked, nodding to Jeff that I had Mindy when my arms went around her and she transferred her weight to me.

I had to brace my legs but I took on Mindy as Mom got to her feet and moved in our direction.

Brody stayed planted.

I looked to Max and said, “Max, darling, get Brody to give us some time and send Becca up here, please?”

Max nodded and put a hand on Brody that Brody shrugged off.

“She’s my sister!” he shouted and Mindy flinched in my arms.

“Brody, man, pull your shit together and think about the last twenty minutes. Nina’s fuckin’ got this. Yeah?” Max was still talking low.

Brody glared at him. Then he glared at me. Then, when Jeff silently moved out, Brody followed him.

Max’s eyes stayed on me until I nodded to him, he nodded back and then he followed Brody.

“Okay, Mindy, sweetie, I’m Nellie, Nina’s Mom and I’m going to help you, all right?” Mom said to Mindy. “Now, let’s get these wet clothes off, sweetheart. Can you help us?”

“It won’t work, I can’t get clean,” Mindy told Mom but she slowly lifted her arms, her wrists limp, hands dangling and I held her upright as Mom pulled off her sweater.

“Your problem, sweetheart, is you’re trying to get clean when you already are,” Mom informed her and then bent at her feet.

Becca came in and I could tell she had been crying and was currently on the verge of returning to her tears.

Feebly, Mindy’s eyes went to her friend.

“I’m sorry,” Mindy said.

“I’m sorry too, sorry I didn’t take better care of you,” Becca replied, keeping her emotions together, moving forward, dropping down to her knees to help Mom with Mindy’s shoes. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

They got off her boots, socks and jeans but when Mom moved to the tub and Becca moved to her undies, Mindy cried, “No!”

“We gotta get you warmed up,” Becca told her.

“No! I don’t take them off, just to change them. I shower in them,” Mindy said and at this horrifyingly sad news my eyes went to Becca to see hers were on me.

“Then in you go with your undies on,” Mom decreed, moving from the now filled bath to Mindy.

We helped her in and I said to Mom, “My shampoo and conditioner are in the shower stall, can you get them?”

“Sure thing, Neenee Bean,” Mom replied before scurrying off.

“I’m not strong like you,” Mindy mumbled and I looked from Mom to her and dropped down to my knees by the tub.

“What, darling?” I asked.

She was shivering in the tub, her arms crossed on her chest, fingers curled around her shoulders, eyes glued to her toes.

“You’re strong. I’m not.”

“Mins,” I whispered and her head twisted to look at me.

“You don’t let anyone walk all over you. I’ll never be that way.”

If she hadn’t already broken my heart, that would have done it.

“We’ll talk later,” I told her. “Let’s get you warm.”

Mom handed me my shampoo and conditioner. I set it on the side of the tub and I moved down the tub to grab the hand spray in order to get to work on Mindy’s hair.

“I’ll get this, you go get out of those wet clothes,” Mom said, bending toward me.

“I’m fine,” I replied. “Mins, lean your head forward for me, will you?”

Mindy did what I asked but Mom got closer.

“Sweetie, you’re soaked through and shivering, go change your clothes, you can come back to Mindy in a second.”

Mindy turned toward me and her eyes hit me but I smiled at her, realizing for the first time I was, indeed, shivering mostly because I was chilled straight through to the bone likely because I’d been in a snow melt rushing river and also because of all that had recently transpired. I also realized then that my clothes felt like they weighed a ton.

I ignored all of this.

“I’m fine,” I replied on a small, trembling smile to Mindy. “Head forward, my lovely.”

“Nina –” Mom started and I turned and locked eyes with her.

“Mom. I’m. Fine.”

Mom stared at me a second, straightened and I felt her presence move away. It took me a couple of tries to get the hand spray working because my own hands were trembling so much.

I distractedly heard Mom say, “Max,” but I was able to get the hand spray working so my concentration went to getting the water warm.

“Cover Mindy,” I heard Max’s gravelly voice say from not too far but not too close.

“Gotcha,” I heard Mom reply and then she was for some reason holding up a towel lengthwise beside the tub, getting right in my space.

“Mom, you’re in my way,” I told her.

“Hand me the spray, Nina,” Becca said, coming in behind me.

“But –” I started, Becca reached in, pulled the spray out of my hand and then I was going up.

I twisted my neck to see I was in Max’s arms. “Max! I’m washing Mindy’s hair.”

“You can do it after you change,” Max replied, walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

I saw Brody, back to the room, his clothes, likely Max’s clothes, were dry and he was standing at the railing.

Max walked me directly to my suitcase.

“Max, seriously, I’m fine.”

“You’re tremblin’.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, you will, after you get some dry, warm clothes on you.”

“Max!” I snapped.

“Shut it, Duchess,” he clipped back then put me on my feet.

I no sooner got steady when his hands were at my sweater and it was over my head, it’s sodden weight lifted clean away and I felt like I’d come out from under a boulder.

Even so, I breathed, “Max,” and looked over my shoulder at Brody, who still had his back to the room.

When I turned back Max was digging through my suitcase.

“Bra off,” he ordered quietly when he turned to me.

“What?” I breathed again.

He lifted up a clean bra. “Wet bra off, dry bra on.”

“Brody’s here,” I hissed.

“Brody’s not thinkin’ about your body,” Max returned.

This was definitely true.

I twisted my hands behind me and unhooked my bra. Max handed me the new one before the wet one fell away and he’d already turned back to my suitcase and was again rummaging when I clumsily slipped it on.

When he was facing me again, he had my heaviest sweater in his hands and he gave it to me then his hands went to my jeans.

“Can you get your boots off?” he asked as the button came undone and the zip went down.

I nodded and with some effort flipped my boots off with a toe to each heel as he pulled the jeans down my legs. When he did, I sucked in breath when surprising, stinging pain struck my entire left side.

Max’s hands stopped pulling down the jeans and they went to my hips. He tilted them slightly, looked my leg up and down and whistled through his teeth.

“Scraped, honey, hip to ankle,” he muttered, his fingers probing gently at my flesh.

“I’m okay,” I assured him.

“We need to get this cleaned up.”

“In a minute.”

His head tipped back and he looked at me. “Nina –”

“Please, Max,” I whispered, my whisper heavy and clogged, my tone saying I was holding on but my hold was loose and slipping.

His eyes held mine for a long moment before he went back to my jeans and gently freed them from my ankles.

I stepped out of them and he tossed my jeans where he’d tossed my soggy sweater. He straightened, walking to the dresser as I tugged on the sweater and he pulled out a pair of his pajama bottoms. These were flannel, checked dark brown and red on a cream background.

“Looser, for your leg,” he explained and I nodded and pulled off my drenched socks and tossed them on the pile.

Max gave me the pajamas, I pulled them up and drew the drawstring tight. They were overlong and bunched at my ankles, covering my feet.

Still, Max went back to my suitcase then he was facing me again, he put a hand in my belly, pushed me back to the bed where I fell to my behind and he got to a knee in front of me.

He lifted a foot and put on first one thick, wool sock then he dropped that foot and went after the other.

Then his eyes came to me.

“Am I done?” I whispered, staring at Max on a knee in front of me, both of his hands curled around my foot and he had a look on his face as he gazed at me that I’d never forget in my whole life.

He let my foot go, leaned forward, lifted up and, lips at my forehead, he murmured, “You’re a lot of things, Duchess, dressed is just one of them.”

Then he kissed me sweet, grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed.

I tipped my head back to look in his beautiful, clear gray eyes and, suddenly, I wasn’t trembling anymore.

Then I ran back to Mindy.

***

We got Mindy cleaned, dried and we wrapped her in my robe, putting a pair of Max’s thick socks on her feet as I only brought the one pair.

Mom shuffled off with Mindy, Max, Brody and my wet clothes and Brody climbed into Max’s bed with Mindy, holding her close as the doctor came up the stairs.

At this point, Max took my hand and led me to the bathroom, closing the door. Before I knew what he was about, the drawstring at my bottoms was pulled and the pajamas dropped to my ankles.

“Max!” I hissed on a whisper.

“Shower,” he whispered back.

“Max,” I repeated my hiss.

His hands came to my waist and his face got in mine. “Two choices, Duchess, you get undressed and get in that shower, warm yourself up and clean those scrapes so I can put salve on ‘em or we both get undressed, get in the shower and I clean you up. You got one second, what’s it gonna be?”

“I’ll take a shower,” I said immediately because I knew by the look on his face that his threat was not idle.

“Right,” he replied and then he was gone.

I was putting my shampoo and conditioner back in the shower when the door opened, Max’s torso slipped through, he tossed a pile of clothing on the counter by the sink then the door closed again.

I took a hasty shower but even hasty, the warmth of the water seeped into my skin reminding me I was alive, I was healthy and so was Mindy. It also reminded me of other things, other things I didn’t want to be reminded of and that I could hold at bay if I was doing something, like saving someone’s life or washing her hair.

I felt the tears threaten as I carefully cleaned my leg and I choked them back, my choking audible, reverberating around the marble-tiled shower. I had to keep it together. I couldn’t let Mindy hear me. I could let it go later. Now, I had to keep it together.

I got out, dried off, wrapped my hair in the towel and had new, clean underwear on when Max was back in the room, closing the door behind him.

I covered my lacy bra-covered chest with my arms and hissed yet again, “Max!”

He completely ignored me, got close then squatted down. I tried to take a step away but he caught me behind my knee and kept me close, his head tipping back.

“Stay still, Nina,” he ordered.

“I’m okay, it’s not that bad.”

“Babe, the skin’s broken in places.”

“It’ll be fine.”

His fingers squeezed the back of my knee. “Honey, this’ll take two seconds.”

“Max –”

“Stay still, for me.”

I closed my eyes and my body settled. Without thinking, my system knew it’d do anything, anything, for Holden Maxwell.

I opened them again when I felt Max’s moist fingers gliding with care along the scrapes on my leg from hip to ankle. He had to go back to the tube of ointment several times and it took longer than two seconds but I didn’t call him on this mainly because I was absorbed in watching his bent head, his fingers on my skin, both of these successfully shoving out the panicked, desperate thoughts and feelings that had me in their grip.

When he was done, he straightened and his eyes came to me. “All right, Duchess, take care when gettin’ dressed.”

Then he moved to the sink to wash the salve from his fingers and I grabbed the soft, flannel pajama bottoms, not Max’s this time, clean ones, mine. These were not checked in bold, masculine colors but were mint green with big pink, blue, yellow and peach polka dots and had a wide, blue, satiny ribbon as a drawstring. They were also loose fitting though not as loose as Max’s and I pulled them cautiously up my injured leg.

There was also the ribbed, long-sleeved, scoop-necked, blue top that went with them. I pulled the towel from my hair and Max took it from my hands and wiped his own before he shoved it on the railing as I pulled the top on.

When he turned back, I grabbed my comb, yanked it through my hair and whispered, “What’d the doctor say?”

“She’s okay. All systems go. He doesn’t figure she was in the water that long,” Max whispered back, I nodded and kept yanking the comb through my hair when Max said, “Barb and Darren are out there, Cotton called ‘em. They got here about five minutes ago.” When I looked blank, he went on, “Her Mom and Dad.”

“Oh.”

I was still yanking the comb through my hair when Max reached out, his fingers wrapping around my wrist, he pulled my hand between us and pried the comb from me.

“I’m combing my hair,” I informed him unnecessarily and I watched his eyes slide from forehead to shoulders before they came back to me.

“You got it, Duchess.”

“Oh,” I repeated.

He tossed the comb in the sink and his hand at my wrist brought me closer. His other hand came to my hip and that brought me closer too.

“Baby,” he said softly as he tipped his head so his face was all I could see and the emotion welled up in me, threatening to split open my skin.

I shook my head, short, quick, frantic shakes.

“No, Max, no, not now, please,” I whispered my entreaty.

He dropped my wrist but his hand curled around my neck and he gave me what I needed. “All right, honey, we’ll talk later.”

I nodded, grateful, then fell forward and pressed my forehead to his chest.

“I need a second before I go out there,” I said quietly to his chest.

“You can have as many as you need.”

I took in a shaky but deep breath before I muttered, “Stop being nice.”

He didn’t say anything, didn’t move, just stood, one hand to my hip, one hand at my neck, my hands went to his waist and I held on.

After awhile, I said, “All right.”

He kissed the top of my head and repeated my words, “All right.”

Then he grabbed my hand and walked me to the door, opened it and led me out.

A redheaded woman, her long, strawberry blonde hair streaked liberally and attractively with white, was sitting on the bed, her back to me, facing Mindy as well as hiding Mindy from me. An older, mountain man stood by the side of the bed next to her, Becca next to him. None of them turned to me and the woman was whispering to Mindy.

Max silently walked me through the room and I started to pull my gaze away from the bed, knowing Mindy was okay, she was safe, she was with her family but Brody’s eyes came to me.

My step faltered at what I saw burning there and Max’s hand tightened in mine, his arm twisting, he brought me up close as he tucked our hands against the side of his chest. He kept me moving but my head turned as we walked, my eyes held by Brody’s, tears pricking the backs of mine.

Brody nodded to me when Max and I hit the stairs. I nodded back and sucked in another unsteady breath when I watched one lone tear fall from his tough-guy, mountain-man eye.

He turned his head away and Max winded us down the stairs.

***

Mom and Steve had gone into town to go grocery shopping which was needed even after my huge shop a week ago considering Max had been hosting half the town for coffee, breakfast and dinner for a week. Cotton had gone with them to show them the way, not that it would be hard to find but it was a nice thing to do.

The doctor had also left and Mindy, Brody and their family were upstairs, murmuring to each other.

Max had taken a shower then gone outside to return the ATVs to the barn and I was cleaning to take my mind off everything. I’d dusted all Max’s furniture in the living room and was sweeping his wood floors, my hand still around the dust rag should I find something to polish while sweeping when Max walked into the room.

I barely glanced at him and didn’t stop sweeping when I did.

I heard his boots on the floor and had to stop when his arm hooked around my waist from behind.

“Max, I’m –” I started to protest, straightening.

“Stop cleaning, Duchess. When I’m home, got a woman, Caroline, comes up from town on Mondays, cleans the house,” he said quietly into my ear and I twisted my neck to look at him.

“No you don’t,” I declared with authority and his brows went up.

“Baby, I do.”

“No you don’t, I was here last Monday and no woman named Caroline came and cleaned the house.”

“You were delirious with fever last Monday and when you weren’t you were out. She came, cleaned around you, and left,” Max reminded me.

I’d forgotten that, not that I would remember Caroline but I forgot I was sick.

I was such an idiot.

“Oh,” I said softly.

“You clean, she won’t have anything to do, she’s too proud to take the money anyway and she can’t afford to miss a week. She’s got two kids, an asshole husband who drinks too much and not many clients. When I’m not in town, she cleans between renters too.”

“Oh,” I repeated softly.

He turned me to face him, took the broom from my hand and the dust rag from my other.

“You need somethin’ to do, darlin’, bake that cake mix you bought in Denver. Tonight, we can use a fuckin’ cake.”

“That’s a good idea,” I whispered.

I could use cake, any cake, always could but I could especially use a yellow cake with that store bought, thick, fudgy, chocolaty frosting. It was the lazy way of baking but they didn’t have many cake mixes and not near the variety of store bought frostings in England. I missed them.

He smiled, it was small not Max’s usual beautiful grin but it was something.

Then he lifted his free hand and cupped my jaw before dipping his face close to mine.

“Anyway, duchesses don’t clean,” he whispered.

“I’m not a duchess,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, you are.”

“No, Max, I’m not.”

“You’re mine,” he told me, I held my breath as I absorbed his words and they slid through me, soothing across edges that had come up jagged through the last hour, as he concluded, “and my Duchess doesn’t fuckin’ clean.”

His thumb slid along my cheek then his hand dropped, he turned away and went to the hall closet.

Before I could allow myself any reaction, which could consist of bursting into tears; loudly declaring he was the love of my life; or running upstairs, pulling Mindy in my arms and promising one day she’ll find happiness, I hurried to the kitchen and baked a cake.

***

It was after Mom and I had made everyone sandwiches and heated Mindy some canned soup but served it with fresh baked bread Mom found in town and after the drier expelled clean, fresh clothes.

Mindy was dressed in her dry clothes, Brody had the pile of his folded and in his arm, Mom, Steve and Cotton were in the kitchen putting away the rest of what looked to be a year’s worth of groceries and Max and I were standing on the porch with Mindy and Brody.

Barb and Darren, who had been introduced to me, were in their car, idling. Becca was already backing carefully out. Jeff was long gone.

I’d put on my woolly socks and Mindy was wearing Max’s, Barb had taken her wet boots to her car.

“You’re staying with your Mom?” I asked Mindy and she nodded. “That’s good, sweetheart,” I finished quietly, she nodded again and looked away from me.

This hurt but I also understood it or at least I told myself I did.

I looked to Brody when he spoke. “You’ll come down tomorrow?”

It was my turn to nod and I did so to Brody. He nodded back.

“Neens?” Mindy whispered and my eyes quickly went back to her.

“Yes, my lovely?” I prompted when she didn’t say any more.

She pressed her lips together, her eyes still turned away.

“I never thought –” she started.

“Tomorrow,” I said swiftly and firmly, now really understanding and her eyes skittered to me, then away.

“But, I –”

“Tomorrow, darling,” I repeated and her gaze came again to me but this time it stayed there.

“I didn’t think you’d ever, not ever… not you… I wouldn’t ever do that to you.” She paused and then whispered, “I guess I just didn’t think.”

“Stop it, Mindy,” I whispered back. “This isn’t about me, sweetheart. This is about getting you back to where you need to be.”

I watched the tears pool in her eyes and she was still whispering when she said, “Thank you, Neenee Bean.”

I swallowed back a little sob, Max’s arm slid around my shoulders and he curled my front into his side.

When I had control of my emotions, I said, “Tomorrow we’ll talk, all right, my lovely?”

She nodded, now biting at her lips, Max gave me a squeeze, I looked at him and he gave Brody a nod.

Brody moved but Max suddenly said, “No, hang on.”

Then his arm around me was gone and both of them were wrapped tight around Mindy. My hand went to my mouth and my eyes went to Brody.

“You’re loved, Mins,” I heard Max’s gravelly voice say and I watched Mindy’s fingers curl into his thermal at the back. “Maybe you don’t get how much.”

“Max,” she choked back her own sob and I closed my eyes but felt Brody’s arm replace Max’s around my shoulders. I let my weight settle against his long body and he took it like Max did, without effort.

“You forget that again, you call me, I’ll remind you,” Max said to Mindy then demanded, “Promise me that, babe.”

“Okay,” Mindy whispered.

“I want to hear you promise,” he ordered and I watched her fingers clutch his shirt.

She hesitated a heart-stopping second before she said, “I promise, Max.”

He paused too before he replied, “All right, honey.”

He pulled away but caught her face in both of his hands, touched his lips to her forehead, turned then took over for Brody holding me up.

Both my arms slid around his waist and both his arms slid around my back as Brody lifted his shoeless sister into his arms and carried her down the steps and across the gravel to the Subaru. Max and I held onto each other as we watched first Barb and Darren execute a three-point turn and drive down the lane then Brody and Mindy.

I waved just in case Mindy looked back or Brody looked in his rearview mirror. I couldn’t know if they did but I kept waving even after they turned into the road.

Max’s arms gave me a squeeze and I sighed.

“Gettin’ cold, darlin’, gonna snow,” he said and I pressed my cheek to his chest and looked at the view, both my arms again around him. He was right, the clouds were covering the sun and there was a definite chill in the air.

“You okay?” I asked his chest even though I knew the answer.

“No,” he answered honestly.

“I’m so sorry, Max,” I whispered.

“Me too,” he whispered back.

We stood there awhile silently holding onto each other. I was staring at Max’s view and I knew he was too but he was doing it with his cheek against my hair.

It was then I wondered if things would have felt differently if Max had been around when Charlie died, if I’d have had this, maybe not the view, but his strong arms around me, his cheek to my hair, if I’d had him to hold onto.

I figured it wouldn’t have hurt less, losing Charlie, but it would have hurt less, knowing after I did that I wasn’t alone.

And I realized then that losing Charlie was when the loneliness crept in and I had been in such grief, I hadn’t been able to beat it back. So when I met Niles not long after and he’d been kind and in his way attentive, I’d fixed myself to him because with him I was no longer alone.

The problem was, I never stopped being lonely.

Max broke the silence when he asked softly, “This how you feel all the time?”

I tipped my head back to look at him. “I’m sorry?”

“Charlie.”

I closed my eyes then opened them and nodded the truth.

“Honey,” he whispered, his face getting soft, his eyes getting warm but there was something else there, an understanding that rent my heart.

“But you have a different ending, darling. She’s going to be okay,” I promised him.

“Yeah,” he replied, giving me a squeeze.

“Nina’ll freeze to death, you keep her on the porch much longer,” Cotton called and we both turned to see him leaning out the front door. “Anyways, we got pictures to hang, son, get your hind end in here.” Then he pulled back but left the door open.

The moment was broken so I decided it was high time to lighten the mood.

Therefore as we walked, our arms around each other, to the open door, I said, “I think Cotton is trying to singlehandedly increase your gas bill by two hundred percent.”

“Did I say he was a pain in my ass?” Max asked loudly as we moved into the house and Max closed the door.

“I give him my pictures, he calls me a pain in the ass,” Cotton complained to my mother who looked alarmingly like she was cooking and I hoped the mood to concoct was assuaged at breakfast because she’d also been to the grocery store which meant her ingredients could easily have taken a creative therefore alarming turn.

“Children these days,” Mom said back, “no gratitude.”

“Max, Mom called you a child again,” I told on my mother even though Max heard it himself.

“Yeah but she’s making her Mexican casserole,” Steve said, I sucked in an excited breath, Steve grinned at me then looked to Max. “Nina likes her mother’s Mexican casserole.”

Max stopped me at the end of the counter and I looked up at him and explained, “You will too. You taste it you’ll think nothing but ‘Ambrosia of the Gods’.”

Max smiled down at me and I was relieved to see this one was a little bit more like Max’s normal, beautiful grin.

“Never thought those four words in my whole life, Duchess,” he informed me. “In fact, I don’t even know what one of them means.”

“Food of the Gods,” I informed him.

“Then what you’re sayin’ is your Mom’s casserole is good.”

“The best.”

“And, it was one of my concoctions,” Mom put in snootily.

I got up on my toes and informed Max in a loud whisper, “A rare hit.”

“I heard that!” Mom snapped.

Steve intervened by saying to Max, “We’re gonna have to rig up some kinda hoist, you want that picture over your bed. It isn’t gonna go up those spiral stairs.”

“No problem, had to do the same with the furniture,” Max replied and concluded. “I’ll go to the barn, get my tools.”

“I’ll go with you,” Steve offered and slid off his stool.

“I’ll stay warm,” Cotton declined participation and slid on a stool.

“I’ll frost the cake,” I announced and started to pull away from Max’s arm but it tightened then I started to tip my head back to look up at him but stopped when his lips hit my temple.

Goodness but I loved it when he did things like that.

“Be back in a second, baby,” he said softly, giving me a squeeze with his arm.

I loved it when he said things like that too. And when he gave me a squeeze.

He let me go, Steve joined him and I watched as they walked away.

“He’s a keeper,” Mom noted, her eyes on the space where we last saw Steve and Max.

She wasn’t wrong but I was too emotionally depleted to deal with that fact right now or to process what I was going to do about it.

“Sweetie,” Mom called, I looked at her and my hand came out to clutch the edge of the counter at what I saw in her face.

“Come here, Neenee Bean,” she said softly.

“Mom.”

“Before you frost that cake, I want a hug.”

“Mom, you know –”

“Come here, Nina,” she demanded firmly and I did what I’d done since I was a child and I heard that tone from my mother. I obeyed and walked into her arms.

They came around me and the tears hit my throat, slid up my sinuses and then leaked out my eyes. I couldn’t control them and in the safety of my mother’s arms I didn’t try.

“Mom,” I whispered, holding on tight.

“Lots of bad stuff coming up for you today and you can’t hold it in, darling, you just can’t.” She held back just as tight and went on, “So you have to give it to your Momma.”

I stuffed my face into her neck and like I’d done countless times before from falling off my bike to getting over terrible boyfriends, I gave it to her.

However this time was different for about halfway through me doing that, her arms went loose, her hands went to my shoulders, my head came up in surprise but I didn’t see much partly because she was blurry but also because she turned me and I found myself in the safety of Max’s arms.

Yes, the jury was now out. Verdict: Mom liked Max for certain.

Max’s arms were different mainly because they moved, they lifted me, they carried me across the room and they settled me into his lap when he sat in the armchair.

“You… you need to hang the pictures,” I snuffled into his neck, hiding my face from view.

“Later.”

“No, I’m okay,” I lied, wiping my hand along my cheek and then letting out a hiccoughing sob.

“Later.”

My head came up and I protested, “Max.”

My head went right back into his neck when his hand cupped the back of it and forced it there.

“Duchess, I said later.”

Max was obviously determined and I knew what that meant.

“Oh all right,” I gave in tearfully but also grumpily.

Max made no response.

I slipped my arms around him and let his warm, solid body cradle mine.

Never said this, Nina, never thought I’d have the chance, Charlie whispered into my head and the only response I could give was to hold Max tighter, I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

A new sob slid from my throat and Max held me closer.

***

After the pictures were up (yes, pictures for Mom, Steve and Cotton all demanded that mine be hung between the two doors under the loft, no one let me get a word in edgewise and Max sure as heck didn’t intervene, not to mention, once up, they looked amazing); after Mexican casserole which was even better than I remembered and Max, who had two helpings, obviously thought so too; after three beers (for Max) and two (for me); and after coffee and yellow cake with fudgy, chocolaty frosting from a tub and a scoop of ice cream that Mom, Steve and Cotton got from the store, Max and I stood at the front door saying good-bye to our guests.

“Where are you staying?” I asked Mom as I gave her a hug.

“Steve found a last minute deal on a condo someone cancelled. It’s on the other side of town. We got it for a song. We’re here all week!” Mom declared, my gaze slid to Max and I watched his eyes close slowly before he shook his head.

“That’s great, Mom,” I said pulling away but holding onto her hands and I actually did think it was great, mostly because I missed my Mom and I didn’t get to see her that often.

I hugged Steve next and then Cotton, who Mom and Steve were driving home. Snow flurries were falling as was night and Cotton had walked there because, I’d found out, he was Max’s neighbor.

“I’ll walk ‘em to their car,” Max told me then his eyes going to my stocking feet, he ordered, “You stay here.”

I didn’t argue, I’d had a tough day, instead I said, “Okay.”

“’Night, Neenee Bean, see you in the morning,” Mom waved, bouncing on her sandals and then she turned to Max and declared, “I expect to be carried to the car by my daughter’s mountain man hunk, seeing as I might break a heel in this snow.”

“Mom,” I snapped, “none of it has actually stuck yet.”

“Don’t spoil my fun!” she snapped back and then she screeched with delight when Max obliged her demands.

Steve grinned at me and shook his head. Cotton stared at Mom and Max and also shook his head, though for different reasons than Steve.

I watched through the windowed door for awhile then I wandered to the armchair, plopped into it and stared at the roaring fire, thinking Max was good at building fires.

Then again, he seemed good at everything.

I waved through the window when I heard the honking car drive by and then watched Max walk through the door.

“Max, you shouldn’t give into her nuttiness, trust me, it only makes her more nutty,” I called.

“Your Mom wants to be carried to her car, I can carry her to her car, I’ll carry her to her car. Not a big deal,” Max replied, bending and pulling off his boots.

“Whatever,” I muttered and turned back to the fire.

I felt him come to me rather than heard him and then I scrunched to the side as he sat in the chair beside me and propped his feet up on the ottoman.

I was about to open my mouth to say something, what I had no idea, when Max slid an arm around my shoulders and spoke.

“Two miracles occurred today. My woman saved the girl I think of as a sister’s life and it’s eight o’clock, we’re alone and you’re not sick, drunk or asleep.”

“Max,” I whispered and he turned from gazing at the fire to look at me.

“Never, Nina, never in my fuckin’ life will I forget you racin’ down that incline, jumpin’ in the goddamned river and bent over, breathin’ life into Mindy.”

I closed my eyes but opened them again when Max’s hand came to my face and his mouth touched mine.

He pulled back an inch and murmured, “Thank you, baby.”

“Max –” I started softly and he cut me off.

“But, you ever even think of jumpin’ into a river again, I’ll tan your ass.”

I felt my brows snap together just as I felt my body jerk. “I’m sorry?”

Max’s arm dropped across my lap, his hand at my hip and he stated, “You scared the fuckin’ shit outta me.”

“Max –”

“Seriously, Nina, swear to God, I watched you go into that river, you didn’t fuckin’ hesitate, and my goddamned stomach dropped. I thought you’d both go.”

“Max –”

“There’d be nothin’ I could do, that river took you, it wanted you, it’d have you and I’d lose you both.”

“That didn’t happen,” I reminded him, trying to keep my patience.

“No, thank fuck, it didn’t. Coulda, but it didn’t.”

“I had to get to her.”

“I know you did.”

“So I got to her.”

“Yeah, you did, nearly lost your life doin’ it.”

“That isn’t true.”

“A river’s unpredictable, babe, you don’t know that but I do. Especially in spring. You shoulda waited for me.”

“Waiting wasn’t an option.”

“Not worth talkin’ about now, it’s done and thankfully everyone’s all right.”

“You brought it up.”

“I brought it up in case you get a wild hair which you seem to do a lot.”

I pulled back as far as I could which wasn’t very far and glared at him. “I’m not going to jump into rivers willy nilly, Max, I didn’t even jump in today. I just, kind of, walked in.” His brows went up and I gave an inch. “Okay, ran in.”

He shook his head then declared, “We’re done talkin’ about this.”

I continued to glare. Then I started to push up from the chair but his arms tightened around me and he pulled me back down to him.

“Max, I’m going to go read or something.”

“You’re pissed I laid it out and you’re gonna go nurse your snit.”

Seriously, he was so annoying.

“Okay, so I’m going to go nurse my snit.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re gonna sit here and we’re gonna enjoy the fact that we’re breathin’, alive and alone.”

“Has anyone told you you’re domineering?”

“Nope.”

“Well, let me be the first. You’re domineering.”

He turned more fully to me and ran his forearm down the backs of both my legs, hooking them at the knee and pulling them over his legs on the ottoman. If I hadn’t been in a snit I might have noticed, firstly, that he did this gently so as not to hurt my scraped up leg and, secondly, that I was far more comfortable in this position.

But I was in a snit and he was talking so I didn’t notice.

“First, babe, seriously?”

“Seriously what?” I asked.

“If I got somethin’ on my mind, you want me to keep it to myself?”

Well, it didn’t sound very good when he said it like that.

“No, but ��”

“Especially if it’s important?”

“Of course not.”

“Second, you get pissed at what I say, you want to go off in a huff rather than talkin’ shit out?”

That didn’t sound very good either.

“Well –”

“Yes or no.”

“Maybe, yes,” I snapped and his face grew dark.

“You’re shittin’ me.”

“If I go off in a huff, as you put it, I might have a chance to get my head together so we can talk it out, not argue about it.”

“Babe, you’re not kidding anyone. You want the chance to pull away, not get your head together.”

Why was he so annoying? I was angry enough to ask.

“Why are you so annoying?” I snapped again.

“Because I’m right, you’re wrong and you know it.”

I shouldn’t have asked.

I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.”

“You know what sucks?” Max broke into my conversation with God and I looked back at him.

“No, what sucks, Max?”

“It sucks you’re so fuckin’ cute even when I’m pissed at you.”

My eyes rounded, my temper flared even as my heartbeat spiked with a weird but palpable fear.

“You’re pissed at me?”

“Duchess, you ran into a raging goddamned river and gave me attitude when I called you on it.”

“Max, I ran in after Mindy who was trying to commit suicide like my brother did three years ago and I wasn’t going to let that happen again! Not to Mindy, not to Brody and not to you!”

His face gentled but I wasn’t done.

“And I don’t get a wild hair a lot.”

“Babe,” he said low, his gentled face now looked like it was desperately trying not to crack a smile.

“What?” I snapped.

“You flew out to Colorado, drivin’ into mountains you’ve never been to by yourself and harborin’ a flu. You were alone, in a snowstorm, in the middle of nowhere in a house with a man you’d never met and you got into it with me. And, I’ll just say, you might have a mouth on you, babe, but physically I can take you. Then you took on Shauna on what amounts to our first date. Then you took on Damon, who’s a dick, could also take you and, worse, would. Then you took on Kami and then Shauna again. You took one look at Jeff, decided he was a good guy and threw Mindy at his feet. You didn’t think for even a second before gettin’ into it with your Dad, just threw back the covers, blew from the loft, ran down the fuckin’ stairs and got right in his face. And this mornin’ you acted out a hilarious but obviously practiced head to head with your Mom.” I was back to glaring silently at him since his facts made a pretty damning case but he wasn’t done. “And we won’t get into you jumpin’ on the back of an ATV a coupla days after you shied away from a fuckin’ snowmobile then jumpin’ off it like you’re a Hollywood stuntwoman.”

“All right, Max, you made your point.”

“Thank Christ,” he muttered then grinned.

“But you’re still domineering.”

“And you like it.”

“I do not,” I snapped.

“Baby, if I wasn’t you’d be at the hotel in town or worse, in Denver and you wouldn’t be right here.”

“Which is where I don’t want to be. I want to be upstairs, nursing my snit,” I shot back.

“Too bad, darlin’, because you aren’t goin’ anywhere.”

“Fine, then I’ll nurse my snit here,” I shot back, crossed my arms and transferred my glare to the fire.

After a moment Max sighed then his hand came to the back of my neck and, as he sat back in the chair, he forced my head to his shoulder. I let him do this but I still kept my eyes on the fire and my arms crossed on my chest.

We were silent awhile before Max spoke again.

“Becca told me about Mindy.”

At his tone, I pulled in breath, pushed down my irritation and asked, “Sorry?”

“She told me that she was worried somethin’ like today would happen.”

I uncrossed my arms and lifted my head to see he was also gazing at the fire.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Max replied, not shifting his eyes from the fire. “That’s why we moved her out of her place and into Becca’s. Becca and I decided it on Tuesday. We needed to keep a closer eye on her so we worked it and got it when Damon fell into our plans, bein’ such a dick.”

Something was wrong in his tone, in the blankness of his face so I called, “Max.”

“Shoulda kept her up here with us,” Max whispered and I knew what was wrong.

I slid my arm along his belly and curled it around his side, whispering, “Max.”

“Shoulda told Brody.”

“Max.”

“Shoulda took her myself to talk to someone.”

I gave him a squeeze and said more firmly, “Max, look at me.”

Slowly, his eyes went from the fire to me and what I saw in them made me melt into him as my arm left his middle and my hand went to his neck.

“Darling, this stuff will torture you if you don’t let it go.”

“Nina –”

“I missed the signs too and I’ve seen them before.”

“Nina.”

“You couldn’t have stopped today if this was where she was heading. You can’t do that to yourself.”

“Hard not to think I fucked up when all I got in my head is you jumpin’ into that river and her floating in it.”

Yes, I was such an idiot.

My fingers flexed at his neck and I pulled myself up to get closer to him.

“Max, you didn’t fuck up.”

“Coulda took you both.”

“Max –”

“Woulda been on me if it did.”

I pulled up closer and my hand slid into his hair.

“Stop it,” I whispered, Max opened his mouth to speak and I moved to stop him, pulling up further and pressing my mouth to his.

His hand slid up my spine, my head came up from my kiss and I saw his eyes were still dark with bleak emotion.

I slid my nose alongside his and spoke again. “Max, stop it, everyone’s safe and I won’t run into anymore rivers, I promise.”

“Baby –” he whispered, unamused.

“Sweetheart, don’t go down that path. I’ve been down it and, trust me, it leads nowhere.”

His eyes moved over my face then his fingers slid into my hair and he pressed my face into the side of his neck.

“Sorry, Duchess, you don’t need this shit, the demons you been battlin’ today,” he muttered, my arms slid around him and I kissed his neck.

Then I said, “You know, earlier today I wondered if it would have hurt less if I hadn’t been alone when Charlie died.”

His fingers slid through my hair and he asked, “Yeah?”

“I decided it wouldn’t have.”

“Probably not.”

“But, maybe, if I hadn’t been alone I wouldn’t have wandered down that path.”

“Probably not,” he repeated.

“So, since you’re not alone, will you let me guide you away from that path?”

He was silent a moment then he asked an impossible question, “Where we goin’, honey?”

“I don’t know, just not there.”

His body shook with silent humor, not a lot of it but it still shook.

“That shield you got, babe, like titanium,” he muttered and my arms gave him a squeeze.

“I thought we were going to enjoy being alive, breathing and alone?” I reminded him.

“Yeah.”

“We’re not really doing that.”

“Nope.”

“Let’s move onto that phase of the evening,” I suggested.

His fingers curled around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

“Good idea,” he murmured.

“Do you want a beer?”

“No.”

“I can make some hot chocolate,” I offered.

“Thanks, but, no.”

“Do you want anything?”

“Anything?”

My stomach dipped and my body grew tense.

“Max –”

“There’s somethin’ I been wantin’ a while.”

“Max –”

“Take my mind off things.”

My head came up and I repeated, “Max.”

His fingers slid into my hair again and his eyes focused on my mouth. “Be a good way to celebrate breathin’, bein’ alive and bein’ alone.”

“I –”

“Kiss me, Duchess.”

My hand went to his chest as his hand pressed my face closer to his.

“You’re being domineering again,” I informed him.

I felt his mouth grin under mine and watched his eyes do it.

“Yeah, baby, fair warnin’, when we’re naked, you better get used to that.”

I gasped at his words then he kissed me.

It could have been the snow falling softly all around the A-frame, the fire burning in its grate, the soft lighting under the cupboards in the kitchen and just the lamp by the couch lit making the house more cozy and romantic than ever.

It could have been what happened that day to Mindy, Brody, Max and me and relief that we were all here, still able to walk, talk, breathe, kiss.

It could have been Max’s long fingers in my hair, his hard, warm body so close to mine, his mouth tasting vaguely of coffee and cake and strongly of Max.

It could have been that this was Max and, today, he proved he was more Wonder Max than ever.

Or it could have been he was just a very good kisser.

But I melted into him and his kiss, tipping my head to the side, lifting my hands to his neck and sliding my fingers into his thick hair, touching my tongue to his.

He growled in my mouth and at the feel of it, the sound of it, my body responded to just how much I liked that noise coming from Max and the fact that it was me who made him make it, I pressed into him.

His hand went from my waist, up my shirt and I felt the rough pads of his fingers against the skin of my back.

My body liked that too.

I pressed closer.

Max twisted his torso to me, pushing me back into the chair, his hand coming to my front, running over my ribs, my midriff then up to cup my breast.

“Yes,” I whispered against his lips when his warm hand closed over my soft flesh.

Then I kissed him, our tongues tangling, his thumb stroking my nipple, one of my hands went from his hair to tug up his shirt and it slid in, gliding along his hot skin and solid muscle.

His finger found his thumb and together they squeezed then rolled.

I felt this dance through my body, most specifically straight between my legs, and it felt so good, I liked it so much, I lost it.

I pushed him back and followed him, moving up over him to straddle his hips as my hands went to his shirt, lifting it up. Max helped, his hands went from me to the back of his neck where he tugged the shirt over his head, down his arms and he tossed it away.

It was my time, my chance, his magnificent chest was right there in front of me and I wanted to explore.

So I bent, my lips going to his neck, my hands going to his body, both explored, fingers, lips, tongue, teeth. I slid down, bowed my back to get to him, taste his skin, drift the tips of my fingers across the ridges of his belly, run the edges of my teeth against his nipple, the sound of him sucking in breath forcing a surge of wetness to strike between my legs.

His fingers curled into my shirt and up it went, forcing my torso up, my arms then it too was tossed away and Max’s hands came to my back, pressing in, forcing me to arch forward, pushing me up and his lips fastened on my nipple over my bra.

“Max,” I breathed as the sensation of his mouth closing on me rocked through my body, my hands sliding into his hair and his tongue flicked out.

Even over my bra this felt better than his fingers, way better. He had a very strong tongue.

“More,” I demanded on a whisper, my hips instinctively rolling against his hard crotch and his mouth went away but his hand pulled my bra down, his fingers curling around my breast and there it was, Max’s mouth direct on me.

Divine.

I tipped my head down to watch and there was something so amazing about Max’s dark head close to my skin, his tanned hand holding my breast to his talented mouth, I couldn’t hold it back and I heard my moan as it escaped my lips.

His head tilted back, his face more beautiful suffused with want, especially his want of me, and he muttered, “Jesus, honey.”

“More,” I whispered again and suddenly we were up, Max’s hands at my bottom, my legs went around his hips, my arms went around his shoulders and he was striding to the stairs.

I couldn’t stop, didn’t have near enough of him, maybe I could never get enough. But I was going to try.

I bent my head and put my mouth to his neck, tasting it with my tongue, tugging his earlobe with my teeth.

Before I knew it we were by the bed, Max bent at the hips and the light went on.

“Drop your legs, Duchess,” he ordered and I did what I was told.

I no sooner got my feet on the floor then the drawstring was pulled on my pajama bottoms and they pooled at my ankles and then I was up again, only to be partially placed, partially tossed on the bed.

I watched Max follow me down but he didn’t land on top of me, his hands slid up my inner thighs, spreading my legs and then his mouth was on me, over my panties.

I heard the low, rough noise escape my throat as his mouth moved on me then he muttered, “Fuckin’ soaked,” before his fingers shoved the material of my panties aside and his mouth was on me.

I bucked against his mouth and moaned, “Max.”

It was debatable whether his finger or his tongue was more gifted until his finger slid inside and his mouth covered my sweet spot and sucked deep. My whole body jolted at the sheer beauty of it and I knew a combination of the two was the best.

“Oh my God,” I breathed because it was coming and it was going to be beyond anything I’d ever experienced.

Then Max’s finger slid away and his mouth moved up an inch and he kissed me over my panties.

My head shot up and I cried in protest, “Max!”

His hands went to my armpits and he hauled me up and twisted me in the bed until my head hit the pillows and he came down on top of me.

“You stopped!” I accused.

“We’re comin’ together this time, baby,” he said against my mouth and then kissed me, his tongue sliding inside and this time I tasted me on Max and it was so appealing, me mingled with Max, I forgot to be angry that he left me hanging and I kissed him back.

He rolled to my side, his finger hooking in my underwear, tugging it down and I pedaled my feet to kick them off. They no sooner left my ankles then Max’s arms came around me and he rolled to his back, taking me with him and I pulled up, straddling him and my hands instantly went to his jeans. His hand went to the nightstand. I unbuttoned. He pulled open the drawer.

I slid down his thighs and bent low, touching my lips to the flat, taut skin over the waistband at his fly as I kept unbuttoning. His hand came to my hair. I got the buttons undone and yanked the jeans partly down his hips and saw my first glimpse of the true meaning of Wonder Max.

He was beautiful all over.

My hand wrapped around him for half a happy second when I was pulled up, rolled over and Max was on me.

“You keep stopping me in the middle of the good stuff,” I snapped, my hands sliding down his back, one going in his jeans and over his bottom and it was soft (his skin) and tight (his muscle) and I immediately decided I loved it.

Max ripped open a condom with his teeth before he grinned, his mouth came to mine and he promised, “You’ll get the good stuff, Duchess.”

His hand was working between us but his mouth was now covering mine and he was kissing me again and then his hips were between my legs and, just as I was really getting into the kiss, I felt the muscles of his bottom bunch under my hand and he thrust into me.

The feel of him, so big, so glorious, surging into me, filling me, connecting me to him, made me break our kiss as my neck arched reflexively and I committed that moment to memory, burned it into my brain, knowing I’d never forget it as long as I lived.

My other hand went into his jeans, both my legs bent at the knees to give him deeper purchase and I pressed them against his sides as Max pulled out and rammed back in.

“That’s beautiful,” I whispered the God’s honest truth.

“You’re absolutely fuckin’ right,” Max muttered his agreement, pulled out so I could only feel the tip and then slammed back in.

My fingers flexed, my legs squeezed and my mouth begged, “More, darling.”

He gave me more, he gave me his mouth, his tongue, his right forearm in the bed beside me, his left hand fisted in my hair and he thrust into me harder, faster.

It was back, it was coming, I was coming and he’d been right the day before, it was going to be so big, I was going to split straight out of my skin.

“Max –” I panted, my hips rocking with his drives.

“I can feel it, Jesus, Nina, you’re ready,” Max groaned. “Come for me, baby.”

“Okay,” I breathed and did what I was told.

I closed my eyes and my head rolled back, my hips reared up, my hands went from his behind to become my arms wrapping him tight and I gasped as it tore through me, hard, long and soul destroyingly beautiful.

Max’s face was in my neck and I felt his growled release against my skin half a second after I felt him drive in deep and stay planted there.

After, for awhile neither of us moved, Max stayed buried deep, his face in my neck and my arms stayed wrapped around him, my thighs pressed to his sides.

Finally, Max rolled to his back, his arms coming around me as he settled me, straddling him and still connected, on top.

“Yeah,” he murmured against my neck as his hand drifted along the skin of my back, “it’s fair to say we got chemistry.”

I closed my eyes tight and pressed my forehead into the pillow because the case for that was so strong there was no use arguing against it.

One of his arms curled tight around me as his other hand slid down and cupped my bottom.

“How’s your leg, Duchess?” he asked softly.

“It’s okay,” I told the pillow.

“I didn’t hurt you?”

God, he was so wonderful.

I shook my head.

His voice was even softer when he asked, “How’s that shield?”

Before I could stop myself, I whispered, “Cracked.”

“Finally,” he muttered both his arm and hand giving me a squeeze.

I sighed.

He rolled again, disconnecting us and laying me on my side. My knees came up as I curled into myself, Max’s hand slid my hair from my neck and he kissed me there.

“Don’t move, be right back,” he ordered then he was gone.

I stared at his pillow thinking I just had that, had him, and I wanted it again.

And again.

For eternity.

In the grips of a sudden, irrational panic, I whirled around and jumped off my side of the bed, thinking that my rummaged through suitcase and my pajama bottoms would take too long, I ran to the dresser. I opened and closed the top drawer then in the one down I found what I wanted. I yanked out one of Max’s t-shirts and tugged it on. I was pulling up my panties, my mind blank, no thoughts in my head, none at all, no idea what I was even doing when Max came back in, his hair sexily disheveled from my hands, still in his jeans but they were only partially buttoned.

My mouth went dry. His brows snapped together.

“You moved,” he informed me of the obvious.

“Yes.”

“You dressed,” he went on.

“Um…”

I stopped mumbling when Max started stalking.

I took one look at his big, tall, powerful body in stalk mode and I retreated. In about a step, I hit the dresser with my bad leg.

“Ouch,” I said but I barely got out that one syllable when I was up in the air and then I was down on the bed and Max was on top of me.

I looked into his clear, gray determined eyes.

“Max –”

“I got in,” he declared and he could say that again.

“Max –”

“I’m in, Duchess, you think for a second I’m gonna let you push me out?”

“Um…”

“I’m not.”

“Max –”

His hands started roaming and he stated, “No fuckin’ way.”

I forgot what we were talking about because his hands were up the shirt.

Then I asked, “What are you doing?”

“That was fast.”

“Sorry?”

“Too fast.”

“Um…”

I stopped muttering when his mouth came to my neck. “This time, gonna fuck you slow.”

“Oh my God,” I breathed out loud.

His head came up and he was smiling.

Then he said, “Yeah.”

Then he kissed me. After that, he fucked me slow.

And it was even better.

***

We were in Max’s hot sauna that Max had turned on after round one and Max took me to after round two.

It wasn’t big, just big enough for two. Max had a towel around his hips and he was sitting on the little, wooden bench. I had a towel wrapped around my body and I was on my back on the bench, my knees bent nearly to my chest with my feet against the wooden wall, my head on Max’s firm, towel-covered thigh. He was using his fingers to sift through my hair, arranging it across his lap.

Heaven.

I had my eyes closed and my mind was wandering to nowhere, nothing. It wasn’t filled with junk and garbage like it normally was. It was just drifting along peacefully. And my body was sated and relaxed, so deeply, I didn’t think relaxation could be that deep.

“What’s in your head, Duchess?”

“You have a strong tongue,” I blurted the first thing that entered my blank mind then my eyes popped open and I saw him looking down at me, his brows raised and his mouth twitching.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I whispered and turned my head to the side so my cheek was to his thigh and I hoped the hot sauna camouflaged the heat in my face.

His finger touched the hinge of my jaw and went down, along my neck to my collarbone.

“Nina –” he called and I started talking, scared to death of what he might say, I had to stop him saying anything at all.

“I’m not sure sweating with a man in a sauna is a good thing to do.”

“Why?”

“Sweat is unattractive,” I told the wall.

“It wasn’t when you broke one in my bed ten minutes ago.”

He would mention that.

“Well –”

“Baby, look at me,” he demanded gently as his fingers curled around my neck.

I closed my eyes then I turned my head on his thigh to look up at him. His face was as gentle as his voice and I tensed.

“You’re right, we’ve only known each other a week,” he said, his thumb stroking my jaw and my tense body went taut, all sated relaxation, garbage-free mind gone.

I knew it. I just knew it.

Wonder Max wasn’t Wonder Max at all.

He had me naked(ish) in his sauna after having sex with me twice and he was done with me.

I just knew it.

“Yes, only a week,” I agreed, pulling my face from his hand, lifting up and twisting so I was seated on the bench.

That was as far as I got before I was dragged across his lap. My eyes met his and I opened my mouth to speak but he got there before me.

“I wasn’t done,” he told me.

“What?” I asked briskly, his brows drew together over narrowed eyes and he examined my face.

“You pissed?”

“No,” I lied.

“Yeah, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

His eyes roamed my face and his arms tightened around me. “Jesus, Nina, how in God’s name can you be pissed?”

“I’m not,” I lied again.

“Babe, you are.”

“Let me go, it’s hot in here, hotter when we’re touching.”

“Nina –”

I pushed against his chest. “Max, let me go.”

His tight arms gave me a shake and he clipped, “Nina.”

I calmed and tried to look at him without glaring at him.

“Jesus,” he muttered.

“You had something to say?” I prompted.

“Yeah,” he bit off. “I was gonna say that I know we’ve only known each other a week and I know you’re scared outta your fuckin’ skull because I got you after all those assholes chewed you up but what happened today and what happened tonight even you can’t ignore.”

I managed to stare at him without glaring at him mainly because my mouth had dropped open and my mind had gone blank.

Then I whispered, “What?”

“We’re connected now.”

It was breathy this time when I repeated, “What?”

“Very connected.”

“Max –”

“You think you can walk outta Mindy’s life, Brody’s life, my life after what happened today, what happened between us tonight –”

I broke in, saying, “I thought you were going to send me away.”

His head jerked and it was his turn to ask, “What?”

“I thought you were done with me.”

Max stared at me a second and I watched in budding, yet weirdly rapt terror as a dark, ominous shadow drifted over his face.

“I’m not those fuckin’ guys,” he growled so low I barely heard him.

My stomach pitched and I whispered, “Max –”

“Don’t ever fuckin’ mistake me for one of those fuckin’ guys.”

“I –”

“I don’t know all they did, I just know what it did to you and, Nina, I’m not one of those fuckin’ guys.”

“Okay,” I said softly.

“And I cannot fuckin’ believe, after I took care of you when you were sick, after this week, after today, after tonight, you’d fuckin’ think that of me.”

Even in the face of his obvious anger, I felt steel sheath my spine and I told him, “You don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me.”

“It always starts good.”

“Yeah?”

“Then it goes bad.”

“And?”

“Sometimes very bad.”

“You think I’m gonna cheat on you, lie to you, beat you?”

“I don’t know.”

That shadow darkened and his eyes again narrowed just as his arms grew tight.

“You don’t know?” he asked.

“I didn’t know with them either.”

“Jesus, Nina, I give you any indication I’d fuckin’ do that to you, to anyone?”

Actually, he hadn’t.

Of course, there was the small matter of his dead wife that he still hadn’t shared with me. Along with a lot of his life. Whereas I’d shared a good deal of mine. Or it had walked in his front door, spilled out in phone conversations he was privy to or came out when I was in a snit.

To explain this concept, I told him, “I don’t even know how old you are.”

“Yeah, that’s because you haven’t fuckin’ asked. I don’t know how old you are either but I’ve actually fuckin’ asked.”

Unfortunately, I had to admit, he had me there.

“What’s your point?” he asked when I fell silent.

“Sorry?”

“What’s my age got to do with it?”

“I’m just pointing out we barely know each other and, further, you’re not exactly forthcoming.”

“Not hidin’ anything, Duchess, unlike you who’s secretive as hell and when you aren’t, you’re guarded.”

I felt my own eyes narrow and I snapped, “I am not,” even though I knew I kind of was.

“Yeah, how old are you?”

“Thirty-six,” I replied immediately and his face suddenly cleared.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m thirty-six years old.”

“Jesus,” he muttered, that shadow drifting back.

“What?”

“You’re not thirty-six.”

I stared at him for a second speechless, in shock not only at his words but the firm, knowing way he said them.

“I am,” I told him.

“You think that’ll turn me off, you tellin’ me you’re thirty-six?”

What did he mean by that?

“I am thirty-six!” I snapped somewhat loudly.

He scowled at me, his eyes moving over my face as he did it then he asked, “Seriously?”

“Yes!” I snapped again and then pushed at his chest to get away.

His arms got tighter. “Nina.”

I stopped pushing and glared at him. “Obviously, since my age is such a turn off, right about now I should be leaving.”

His arms got even tighter but his head tipped back, his eyes rolled up and he looked at the ceiling of the sauna.

“Grant me patience,” he muttered his prayer to the ceiling and I started pushing again so he looked back at me. “Stop pushin’, Duchess.”

“Let me go.”

“Nope.”

“Let me go!” I shouted, Max gave me another shake but I kept pushing.

“You don’t look thirty-six,” he told me.

“Let me go.”

“Thirty, at a push.”

“Max. Let. Me. Go!”

“I was surprised, surprised enough not to believe you.”

“Let me go!”

“You wanna know how old I am?”

I gave up pushing since I wasn’t getting anywhere and it appeared Max was determined to have this conversation. If I’d learned nothing in the last week, I learned that when Max was determined to do something, he did it.

Instead of pushing, I glared at him again and said, “Not particularly.”

He ignored me and stated, “Thirty-seven.”

He was older than me. That was good. Not that it mattered if he was younger, really. Actually, not that it mattered at all since I didn’t care.

“Birthday’s May eighth,” he continued, breaking into my thoughts.

“Fascinating,” I drawled sarcastically even though it was because he wasn’t a year older than me, he was a year and a half and his birthday was only a month away.

Max went on, “Dad died when I was twenty-nine, took me six years to build this house.”

That was fascinating too. Six years was a long time. He must have been determined to do that as well.

Even so, I kept my mouth shut.

“He died of cancer, had it since I was sixteen, fought it back for thirteen years before it got him.”

That was also fascinating but in a sad yet inspiring way.

Still, I demanded, “Stop talking,” but he ignored that too.

“Don’t know why Kami’s such a bitch. Pretty much has been since I could remember. Mom, she fucked up, getting shot of Dad since she always loved him. They fought, fuck, you wouldn’t believe it. Even when they were divorced. But she always loved him. Told me that after his funeral. His death broke her. She was so goddamned stubborn, so fuckin’ proud, she let her life just slip away. Lived in the same town as the man she loved the length of it but only with him for eight years. Now, she’s bitter for it.”

Unwilling to let Max’s sharing breach my defenses, I latched onto something he said and called him on it. “Are you insinuating I’m proud and stubborn?”

“Don’t think you’re proud, babe, but you’re stubborn as hell.”

“I am not.”

“You sure as fuck are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“If you’re not then why, an hour ago, did you let me in, practically begged me to come in and locked me tight when I got there and now you’re doin’ everything you can to shove me right back out?”

This time I ignored him and suggested, “Let’s talk about your mother.”

I saw his jaw flex in irritation at my change of subject before he asked, “What do you wanna know?”

“How about you explaining why you’ve had breakfast and dinner with my mother and she lives in Arizona and your mother lives fifteen miles away and I haven’t met her?”

“This might have escaped you, Duchess, but we’ve been kinda busy.”

I found it tremendously annoying when he was right.

Max went on, “There’s also the fact your Mom showed up on the doorstep and then stayed.”

Yes, totally annoying when he was right.

Max continued, “Not to mention, you already met Kami twice and I figured that was enough of my family for awhile. I’m tryin’ to find ways to make you want to stay, not give you reasons to run away.”

This, too, was a good point.

“Perhaps we should stop talking and go back to relaxing,” I suggested the impossible. I was never going to relax for the rest of my life.

“Explain somethin’ to me, babe, why is it you always wanna stop talking when I’m winnin’ the fuckin’ argument?”

I decided to be honest. “Because you’re more annoying when you’re right than you are just normally.”

Max stared at me a minute, visibly astonished by my honesty then he threw his head back and laughed while gathering me close to his amazing, sweat-slicked chest.

“Jesus, you’re cute,” he murmured when he quit laughing and my face was stuffed into his throat.

“For the last time, Max, stop telling me I’m cute when I’m angry at you,” I demanded and he laughed yet again.

I shoved at his chest.

Max let me push back but unexpectedly I found myself suspended then maneuvered then I was straddling Max’s lap and my towel was whipped off.

I covered my breasts with my arms and snapped, “Max!”

One of Max’s hands was at my hip, anchoring me to his lap, the other one was gliding up into my hair.

“Been wantin’ to try this since you told me that first night your sinuses hurt,” he muttered, his hand in my hair pulling my face to his.

“What?” I asked on a whisper, all of a sudden enthralled with watching his mouth get closer.

“Try and see how creative I can get, helpin’ you work out that attitude of yours.”

Even in the sauna, a shiver slid along my skin.

“Max –” I started but didn’t say more.

His head slanted and his hand tilted mine the other way. Then he kissed me.

Then he got creative, helping me work out my attitude, an endeavor at which he was staggeringly successful for, after we were done, the only attitude I had the energy to adopt was calm and serene.

***

Max and I made love in the sauna then he took me to the shower to rinse off then he toweled me off then he took me to bed.

He didn’t like it when I put on my undies under the towel and tugged his t-shirt on over it before I pulled it free but when I explained I had never been comfortable sleeping nude, he didn’t say another word.

Then as I lay on my side in bed, he soothed ointment on my scrapes again while I tried with only small success to stay awake.

After he was done, he threw the ointment on the nightstand, turned out the light, tossed the covers over us and pulled me into his arms.

As sleep started its invasion, I snuggled closer and whispered, “I’m sorry your Dad was sick for so much of your life.”

“Sleepy Nina,” he murmured strangely, his hand had gone up the t-shirt and his fingers were drifting along my back. If I wasn’t so sleepy, I would have keenly registered how incredibly nice his hand felt, drifting restfully along my back. Instead, I vaguely registered how incredibly nice his hand felt, drifting restfully along my back.

“What?” I asked.

“Sleepy Nina is Sweet Nina,” he said quietly. “I see I got Sleepy Nina.”

“No,” I told him. “I’m Three Orgasms One in a Sauna Nina. That Nina is always sweet.”

His hand stopped drifting, his arm wrapped around me and he gave me a squeeze.

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” he muttered while he did and his mutter sounded like it came through a smile.

Sleep kept encroaching and I didn’t have the strength, or will, to fight it.

But, for some reason, my mouth kept talking. “Max?”

“Yeah, honey?”

“You scare me.”

I felt his fingers tighten against my skin before he said, “I know I do.”

“Every day it gets better which makes it worse.”

I felt him give me another squeeze as I pressed closer and wrapped my arm around his belly.

“Quit fightin’ it, it’ll just get better,” Max advised.

I felt my weight settle into him as slumber slid over me.

But even so my mouth kept moving. “What if it doesn’t?”

“Life doesn’t give you promises, baby, I can’t either but we’ll do the best we can.”

“Mm…” Finally, my mouth started to go to sleep too.

But my mind didn’t, not for a few seconds, while his words penetrated.

I didn’t know for sure but I didn’t think I wanted promises, not if they were empty. Honesty felt a whole lot better.

“Sleep, Duchess,” Max urged.

“’Kay.”

I got another squeeze and my mind processed this too, mainly how much I liked it.

“’Night, baby,” Max whispered, rolling toward me and wrapping his other arm around me, holding me close, holding me tight.

“’Night, Max,” I whispered back.

Then I fell asleep in Max’s t-shirt, in Max’s bed, in Max’s house and in Max’s arms and I did it before it fully penetrated my brain how I felt.

Not scared at all.