The Golden Dynasty

Chapter Sixteen Take Heed

Five Days Later…

I was riding way back amongst the wagons, the ones that carried the chams and belongings and the slaves which were also belongings, of course, a fact I found loathsome and yet another thing I could do nothing about for it was my people’s way.

This was my new tactic. Not that I really needed one. I had not talked to Lahn since the day he gave me Zephyr. He clearly had Dax business to attend to and he was gone from our hides in the morning before I woke and three of the four nights after our first one under the stars, I was so exhausted from the ride I was asleep and didn’t even feel him slide in beside me. I only knew he was there when I woke in the deep of the night, felt his arm around me, his warm body curved into mine and then I drifted back to sleep. The one night I was awake, it was still late and he attempted no conversation, didn’t speak soft words or rub his beard softly against me, just curled me into him and he was asleep within seconds and, shortly after, so was I.

But it was now days later and it was a now when I’d avoided Diandra, and also Narinda, who was riding with the wives who were in wagons, and it had been so long since I’d spoken to either of them, it was too long.

I’d screwed up. I’d been overemotional (with cause) then got stuck in my head for days and it was getting past the point of rude, not apologizing to and spending time with my friends. I was their queen, it might be they couldn’t approach me and certainly Narinda couldn’t as she didn’t have a mount. But I could do what I wished (sort of) and I hadn’t approached them.

So now I was avoiding them both, and Lahn, by riding in the back like a sissy.

My Pop would be pissed. He hated sissies, he wasn’t that fond of rude and he’d always told me procrastination was the work of the devil, especially when you practice it before righting a wrong.

Damn.

On this thought, I noticed there seemed a commotion amongst the slaves so I looked to the wagons at my side then the direction they were looking which was forward. That was when I saw the warrior galloping toward us. He was well out of warrior space; they all rode up front with their Dax. He was also the warrior I saw in the cham the night Lahn hit me.

Shit.

He galloped right by me but when I twisted in my saddle to see where he was going I saw him circle back quickly then come up on my left side. Before I knew what he was doing I was plucked right out of my saddle (yep, right out of my saddle, while both our horses were moving) and planted in front of him. He yanked Zephyr’s reins out of my hands, she whinnied with irritation and then he touched his heels to his mount, made a clicking sound with his tongue and we took off on a gallop, Zephyr running alongside us.

Hmm. It appeared the queen didn’t ride with the slaves.

So noted.

We kept going and he slowed when we were coming abreast of Diandra’s horse.

Shit!

Then with both horses still moving, he plopped me right back on Zephyr’s back. Before I flew off in a horse mishap that might include a broken neck, I quickly grabbed the lip of the saddle (they had no pommels on their saddles) swung my leg around and both feet found my stirrups. He tossed the reins to me, touched his heels to his mount and took off toward the warriors.

Fantastic.

These guys. He could have just grabbed my reins and moved Zephyr and I forward but no. He had to manhandle me.

I watched him go then stupidly looked beyond the warriors to the leader of the pack. As suspected, the leader of the pack was turned in his saddle. He was far away but I could see him and I knew Lahn’s eyes were on me because he couldn’t miss me, Zephyr’s coat shone in the sun like a beacon not to mention, I was the only blonde in the bunch.

Fantastic again.

I watched him turn to face forward and I sucked in breath.

Then, with nothing for it, and because my Pop taught me well, I got my head out of my ass and turned to Diandra whose eyes were on me.

Then I said, “Uh… hey.”

She burst out laughing.

I stared at her and when her laughter waned, her eyes caught mine. “Our king grows impatient with his queen, I see,” she remarked.

Uh… what?

“Um…” I mumbled.

She faced forward and announced, “It took years before Seerim saw the errors of his ways, putting his hands on me in anger. He didn’t do it often but when he felt the need, he didn’t hesitate to do it. It was only after he hit me so hard he bloodied my nose that he stopped. Something about him shedding my blood struck something in him and he never did it again. Not once. In fact, when he’d get angry, all I had to do was flinch, thinking he might hit me and his anger would vanish,” she lifted a hand and snapped, “just like that. It appears, my dear, our king is learning this lesson much more swiftly than my Seerim.”

“I’m not trying to teach him a lesson,” I said softly and in all truth.

“Well, maybe not, but you’re doing it all the same,” she replied.

I pulled in another breath. “Diandra –” I started on the exhale, wanting to apologize but more, wishing to give her an apology and her kind eyes came to me.

“Don’t speak of it,” she whispered. “I remember, my beautiful Circe, it was long ago, but I remember the tumult of my mind when I was brought here, claimed and forced into a life I did not understand. I have had twenty-two years with these people, I have built a life with my husband, I have come to love him deeply, we have built a family and I have become Korwahk. But I have had much time to adjust. I was like you many years ago and I remember it because it is something you do not forget. You have done far better than me and I am very proud of you but our emotions get the better of us on occasion and if you cannot allow them to do so with people who care about you, you are in trouble.”

I felt my eyes fill with tears, “Diandra –”

“Though,” she cut me off, a twinkle in hers, “I didn’t have an excellent interpreter to guide my way like you do. So along with being proud of you I am also quite proud of me because as far as I can tell, I’m doing an excellent job.”

Then she grinned huge and at that, it was me who burst into laughter.

When my laughter slid to a giggle I saw her smiling, looking ahead and she noted, “We make camp tonight, I’m sure of it.”

“Sorry?” I asked.

“You have a very appealing laugh, my dear, it is like a song that rings into the very air, travelling far, I would suspect, considering while you did it, your husband turned on his mount and watched. I am getting old but my eyesight is just fine and by his scowl I would guess he has not heard your laughter for some time and misses it, wants it for his own and therefore, being of The Horde, when he wants something, he will do something about it. So, we make camp tonight. I’m sure of it.”

It took a lot out of me but my eyes didn’t move to Lahn as I repeated, “Sorry?”

She looked at me. “Have you been receiving his attentions since our unpleasant… erm, incident?”

“Um… no,” I muttered.

“I would guess he misses that too,” she stated.

I felt my stomach drop.

“Diandra, I think… well, actually, I don’t think that I’ve ever laughed with Lahn and he can get attention whenever he wants from a variety of Xacto who follow at the back of this convoy.”

“You don’t have to have had something to want it or need it but when you have something you liked… very much… and it is taken away, and you want it back, it can become a hunger. Your husband is hungry, Circe. Warriors don’t stay hungry long before they find ways to assuage it so he will need his cham because you will need your cham for what he intends to do so we make camp tonight,” she repeated, “I’m sure of it.”

I sucked in breath and looked ahead.

This was not great news.

“Now, my dear, before you face what you will face tonight, you must go in prepared,” she stated and I knew what was coming.

“Diandra, I’m not sure I’m ready –”

“Ready or not, Circe, you have no choice. You are queen and must know this as queen but you are married to the king and you must understand what drives him and you must understand all of this for your marriage, for your husband, for your people and for you.”

I sighed. Then I muttered, “All right, my friend, let’s get this over with.”

“Circe, I’m trying to keep you alive.”

I blinked then my head snapped toward her.

Then I breathed, “What?”

She was looking at me, she saw she had my devoted attention therefore she nodded before facing forward again. “I have explained much about Korwahk and its people. They are savage, primitive even in some ways. They have no government but they have riches, they have land and they have a king. That king has no court but that does not mean there are no courtly intrigues and politics.”

I looked forward too and said, “Diandra, sweetheart, I’m not following.”

“That man, Geoffrey, do you remember him?”

I looked at her again and when she looked at me, I nodded.

She faced forward and I did as well as she went on, “He is from Middleland. Middleland is ruled by King Baldur. He came into his kingdom as a very young man and ruled before I left the Vale but also Seerim tells me of him as he is known far because he is a greedy man, wicked and even cruel. He cares little for his people and a great deal for gold. And land. And any kinds of riches he can get his hands on. The kinds of riches Korwahk has in abundance.”

Oh shit.

As was her way, Diandra went on, “I have seen this Geoffrey, not often, but I have seen him more than once. Now, there are many men who come from far away to watch the Wife Hunt. They are despicable; they watch it for sordid reasons and they have no honor. The Dax cares not about them. His focus is The Horde and they bring coin that they use with his merchants so he allows it.”

I’d noticed those men. And any man who watches a Wife Hunt like a spectator sport definitely had no honor.

Diandra continued, “Then there are other men who come who do so to study The Horde, its practices and the Korwahk people. This is usually for academic reasons but those reasons could be nefarious. These men, the Dax considers carefully before he lets them observe but he does not share openly with them. He is cautious about what they learn and anything they learn, he controls. It would not do for training and tactics to be revealed. The Horde is successful because no one knows the entirety of what makes a warrior and how they wage war. Indeed, you likely missed it but there were no outsiders at the warrior selection or ensuing celebration and there never are. It is forbidden. Another reason Geoffrey’s visit to you was not taken kindly and had you not been a new queen not of the Korwahk before your claiming having recently been claimed in a rite that distressed you who, it is highly likely, would be alarmed by any violence close to your person, it is also highly likely your honor guard would have dealt with him differently and swiftly. We have not seen him since and I would not need to try very hard to guess why.”

Oh man. I had a feeling Geoffrey was toast. What an idiot.

“Then,” she carried on, “there are men who come as ambassadors from other lands. These, the Dax deals with too.”

Wow. There was a lot more to this Dax business than I realized.

Diandra carried on. “I have little doubt that the news the Dax has installed his Dahksahna at his side is news that has travelled far and wide. It has been but two weeks but horses will have lathered and boats will have sailed with missives and messengers. The news will travel this earth within months and plots will be hatched within moments of it being reported. And this news will be the news that our new queen is the golden queen of legend. That makes you a valuable commodity, my dear.”

I felt ice slide through my veins as I looked at her again. “A commodity?”

“What would the Korwahk people and The Horde trade should their golden queen be kidnapped and held for ransom?” she asked back and I blinked.

“Oh my God,” I whispered.

“Held and tortured, parts of her traded for wild riches in hopes of gaining her returned alive if not intact?”

I looked forward again and swallowed.

“Riches would not be traded, Circe, you should know that. The Horde would ride and blood would be spilled. A great deal of it. Warriors would fall, widows would be made, children would lose fathers.”

“Okay,” I was still whispering, “I’m getting it.”

“No you aren’t, not the half of it,” Diandra replied, I closed my eyes and opened them when she kept talking. “That Geoffrey thought you were from Middleland and having problems adjusting, seething against your claiming, hating your king. He told you he was your friend but he wanted to earn your trust, even though he is not trustworthy, in order to turn you against your people, whisper in his ear their secrets, provide him the information he needs to give Baldur to take these lands, and their riches, and do it by wiping out The Horde.”

“Okay,” I repeated, my voice trembling, “I’m getting it.”

“No, I’m sorry, Circe, you aren’t,” she said softly. “He is one of many. Men from anywhere and everywhere will send agents to do the same. But even amongst the riders in this procession, there are those who plot against the Dax and, they too, will see you as an instrument to his downfall. They will watch you, my dear, and they will seize on any intimation you give that you might conspire against our king. And to do this, there are eyes and spies everywhere, watching your every move. Including now.”

This immediately made me think about The Eunuch but my thoughts were turned when Diandra kept talking.

“Our Dax is our Dax because he is strong, because no one can defeat him in battle, but he is also exceptionally bright. He would never remain the Dax if he did not continue to keep the peace, to keep his nation wealthy, to deal with these outside influences with cunning. If he did not, and there have been those who have not, the challenges would be so thick he would face another clash of swords even before the last warrior fell until he was so exhausted, his head would be gone before he could lift his weapon.”

Yikes!

Diandra went on, “Dax Lahn does not fear your turning traitor, he fears your abduction. You did not know it and I did not know it until my husband and I nearly shouted our cham down but Seerim informed the Dax we were going to the marketplace and the Dax commanded a guard to follow. Teetru sent word we were intending to walk through the camp and again, a guard followed. Our decision to go visit your friend Narinda was not overheard by Teetru, none of your girls were around, so when we left, they did not see us and did not know where we were going. When Teetru discovered us gone, she sent word to the Dax. Later, too much later, he heard from Feetak that you were with Narinda but when Feetak went to his cham, we were with Nahka and he had no idea where we were. By the time this was discovered, you and I were wandering the Daxshee and through very bad luck, we somehow evaded the warriors who had been sent out to find us. This is an extremely unfortunate set of circumstances that, as the minutes ticked by, especially since he saw Geoffrey make contact and knows the ways of King Baldur, which usually are insidious but no one would put it past him to be violent, made your king very anxious. So, by the time we arrived at your cham, his emotions got the better of him.”

I felt my mouth get tight and I said through stiff lips, “That’s still no excuse.”

“Yes, my dear, in your land with the father you described you were fortunate enough to have, I can see you believing that but, again, I remind you with some hesitation as I know you dislike it, that you are married to a Korwahk Horde warrior.”

I turned to look at her and when she turned to me, I locked my eyes with her. “That’s still no excuse,” I repeated quietly, she held my eyes then she heaved a sigh before nodding.

She looked forward again and so did I.

Then I remarked, “You’re only agreeing in order to agree to disagree, aren’t you?”

“It seems wise at this juncture,” she replied and I smiled.

Then I couldn’t help it, my friend was funny and after she shared some not so fun information (to say the least), I needed to release some emotion and I decided I’d do it a better way this time. So I burst out laughing again.

Diandra laughed with me.

When I sobered, before I could stop them, my eyes went to Lahn to see he was again turned on his mount toward me.

Oh man.

He called to someone and I looked away.

Diandra missed this, I could tell, when she urged gently, “Take heed, my beautiful friend, to what I say.”

I nodded, turned to her to see she was sober too, very sober and very serious.

And then I said, “I do not agree with the way these people, now my people, live their lives but I promise you, Diandra, I vow that I would do nothing that would bring harm to them.” I smiled at her. Then I whispered, “They are my people, you know.”

She returned my smile then she whispered back, “Use caution, be watchful and stay safe, my queen.”

I nodded then I heard galloping hooves and looked forward in time to see the warrior from earlier returning.

“What now?” I muttered as he passed me, circled, came back and again, this time with a small cry (coming from me), he plucked me off Zephyr, grabbed her reins, she gave a really irritated whinny and he pierced Diandra with a look and barked, “Vayoo!”

Then off we were again at a gallop but we were heading straight to the front of the line.

Straight to Lahn.

Oh shit.

The warrior slowed us to a walk, got close to Lahn and then he plucked me off the warrior’s horse and planted me in front of him. And before I settled, his arm got tight around me, my ass slid into his groin and he looked to the side and said something.

I looked where he was looking and saw Diandra next to us, the warrior gone, Zephyr riderless going with him.

Yep. Oh shit it was.

“He wishes for me to translate for you both, Dahksahna Circe,” Diandra told me.

Great. Just great.

Oh well, again, I had no choice.

“Okay, Diandra,” I said softly and aimed my eyes forward.

Lahn spoke and thus commenced our conversation with Diandra interpreting.

“You ride with me until we make camp,” Lahn ordered.

There it was. We were making camp.

Damn.

“Okey dokey,” I replied flippantly (Diandra didn’t translate that and it got me a squeeze from Lahn’s arm when I said it probably because I said it flippantly).

Lahn spoke. “While we ride, I wish to learn about your mother.”

All flippant disappeared, my back went straight and my eyes went to Diandra. She tipped her head to the side in an “I’m sorry” gesture and I turned to face forward again.

Lahn’s arm gave me another squeeze and he growled, “Circe.”

I gave in because I didn’t have any other choice.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” I asked.

“She was killed,” he stated but I shook my head.

“No, she wasn’t killed. You can be killed in an accident. She wasn’t in an accident. She was murdered.”

“By whom?”

“A robber, a thief. She walked in on him while he was in the middle of stealing; he turned his weapon on her and murdered her.”

“Was this during war?” he asked.

“No war, no one else died that day, he was a petty thief. It was just an average day, bad luck, Mom being in the wrong place at the way wrong time and then she was gone.”

Lahn was silent for long moments. Then, “You had feelings for her.”

“She was my mother,” I replied.

“You had feelings for her,” he repeated.

Yeah. Shit yeah. I had feelings for her.

I sucked in breath then said softly, “I loved her more than anything on this earth, except my Pop. She was a good Mom. No, a great one. She died a pointless death at the hands of a stupid, reckless man and I’ve lived with that knowledge my whole life… or the length of it I led when I didn’t have her.”

Again he was silent for awhile. Then, “And who took your father’s life?”

I closed my eyes.

“A dream,” I whispered.

“What?”

I pulled in breath and opened my eyes.

“He died in his sleep,” I lied a lie that cut me to the quick. “I don’t know how.”

“He commanded men?”

I smiled a sad smile. “Yeah, he commanded men.”

“Was he a king?”

My smile got sadder. “Yes, of a very small kingdom.”

“So you were princess.”

I pressed my lips together to bite back the tears. Then I nodded my head and whispered, “Yes, I was definitely a princess.”

“And now you are queen.”

“Yes, now I am queen.”

“Your father would want that for you, is this not true?” he asked and I blinked.

Boy, he orchestrated that well, clever bastard.

“Kah Dax –” I started but stopped when his arm squeezed the breath out of me.

I felt his lips at my ear where he growled, “Lahn.”

“Lahn,” I wheezed and his arm loosened but I said no more.

This got me a, “I asked you a question, Circe.”

“No,” I answered. “No, he would not care if I was queen. He’d be happy I married a peasant, just as long as it made me happy. He’d even be happy that I was a slave, just as long as I spent my days doing something that made me content.”

“No king would want that,” Lahn stated.

“They would if they loved their daughters.”

“You are wrong,” he informed me.

“I most definitely am not,” I informed him.

“You are, my tigress. A man would want his daughter showered with riches. He would want an army to be at her service to keep her safe from harm. He would want her to have the adulation of a nation of people. He would want her to be the consort of a leader of men. And if he could not find that for her, he’d want her to be in the bed of a free man, a strong man, a brave man, one who provides for her and one who has the respect of his brothers. I am a man, we may have daughters and this is what I would wish for them.”

I blinked at the landscape.

Oh my God, God, God.

How could I…?

Oh my God, God, God.

How could I forget about birth control?

Oh my God!

“Circe?” he called on another arm squeeze.

“What?” I whispered.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah.” I was still whispering.

“You have no response?”

“No, uh… you’re right. Showered with riches, army at her service, adulation, consort to a leader. That all sounds good. Pop would dig all that.”

“Dig?” Diandra asked and I turned distracted eyes to her.

“Like. He’d like that,” I explained, Diandra nodded and translated.

I looked forward.

“She jokes,” Lahn muttered (but Diandra still interpreted).

“No,” I said softly and shook my head once. “No, I’m not joking. But, the truth is, Pop wouldn’t like that. What he would like is that a man would wish to give his daughter that and that that man would want the same for his daughters.”

Diandra hadn’t finished translating when Lahn’s hand came up making his arm slant at an angle across my chest so his fingers could curve around my neck and he could pull me so my full back was tight against his chest.

“We will make warriors,” he told me quietly, his voice deeper than normal.

Oh God.

“Right,” I whispered.

“But we will make daughters too so I can find them kings who wish to hand them kingdoms.”

Oh fucking God.

“Right,” I repeated on another whisper.

“You have rare beauty the like I have never seen but you will be more beautiful heavy with my seed,” he stated softly.

At his words, my breasts swelled and my head got light both at the same time. The combination was an unusual sensation and one that I did not like.

Oh man, if he didn’t shut up, I was going to pass out.

“I really need to learn the Korwahk language so Diandra doesn’t have to translate conversations like this,” I grumbled, Lahn chuckled then his lips went to my ear.

There, he murmured in my language, “Yes, my Circe, you do.”

I blinked.

Jeez, was he some kind of language savant or what? He was picking up English way faster than I was picking up Korwahk and he only had me and Diandra to listen to.

“You’re freaking me out,” I whispered.

“Sorry, my dear, I didn’t catch that,” Diandra said and I didn’t even have to look at her to know she was fighting back laughter. And losing.

“He’s freaking me out, um… shocking me, surprising me but in a not so good way. He’s learning our language very fast and it’s not natural.”

“It isn’t surprising that he would pick things up quickly. He meets often with ambassadors, dignitaries and foreigners from many lands. It is important for him to hear and understand them therefore it is known widely our Dax speaks seven languages fluently, my dear,” Diandra told me, I whipped around so fast Lahn had to jerk his head back and I stared up at him.

“You speak seven languages?” I breathed, Diandra translated and he nodded so I leaned in and kept breathing, “Seven?”

His eyes roamed my face and one side of his lips twitched before he replied in English, “Yes, Circe, seven.”

“Then why don’t you know English?” I shouted. “I mean, Valearian or whatever!”

He waited for the translation and then Diandra translated his response. “Because it is spoken in Hawkvale and Lunwyn, which are peaceful nations that do not cross the Green Sea to make war or find trouble. And it is spoken in Middleland, which is ruled by a tyrant who I would not honor by learning his language.”

Shit, that made sense. Still, it was annoying.

“Well, unlucky for you that your wife speaks the one language probably in this world that you don’t speak.”

“No,” he replied, “there are many lands too far away to wage war on Korwahk whose languages I do not know. None of them speak Valearian, which brings me to the question of what small kingdom you are from.”

Uh-oh.

I turned forward, mostly to buy time.

“Circe,” he called then Diandra translated the rest, “look at me.”

I bit my lip and turned back to him.

His eyebrows went up with his question, “What kingdom are you from?”

“Um…” Shit. Well, here goes. “Seattle.”

His brows descended but only to knit over narrowed eyes. “Seattle?”

“Yes, it’s a very small kingdom,” I told him.

“Like Bellebryn?” he asked.

Hell, I didn’t even know what Bellebryn was.

Well, I had a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right.

“Yes.”

He nodded.

Shoo.

“Where is it?” he went on.

Shit.

“Uh… over the Green Sea?” I made another guess.

“Are you asking me where it is, my tigress, or telling me?” he asked.

God, why was he so cunning and clever and kingly and never missed a trick? The jerk.

“Telling you,” I answered. “But, uh… I can’t really say exactly where it is because I’m not very good at geography. I never was.”

At least that was true.

His eyes narrowed again. “Tigress Circe, you were on a ship that was overcome and looted by pirates and when they docked you were taken by Korwahk scouts as they were moving you to shore. How could you travel from a faraway land and not know where you’d travelled to get where you landed?”

Uh… what?

“What?” I whispered.

“Do you not remember how you came into the possession of a Korwahk scout?”

No, actually, I didn’t. And actually, I never thought about it.

Shit.

“Circe,” Lahn warned, I focused on him and thought fast.

“Well, uh, when we were, you know… travelling and uh… sailing, um… most of the time I was sea sick and the rest of the time I was reading a book so I didn’t pay a lot of attention and the, uh… pirates weren’t very chatty.”

He stared down at me. Then he looked over my head.

Then he muttered, “I have never heard of this Seattle.”

“It’s tiny,” I told him and his eyes came back to me so I lifted a thumb and forefinger with about a half an inch of space, squinted through it to look in his eyes and emphasized, “Teeny tiny.” I dropped my hand. “It isn’t even like a kingdom, as such, more like a… city.”

He stared at me. Then he again looked over my head and murmured, “Bellebryn.”

Whatever.

I needed to move us on.

“My mother looked like me,” I told him in an effort to change the subject, his eyes came back to me so I kept going. “It’s weird, um… strange. My Pop was dark, uh… like you. He even had olive skin. But she was fair, very fair. Usually dark is a dominant trait but I didn’t get anything from Pop. I got my Mom’s hair, her eyes, her skin –”

He cut me off to ask, “Her eyes?”

I nodded and then suddenly he dipped his face closer to mine and his hand came to my jaw.

I braced at this quick movements and it was a good thing I did when he spoke.

“If you’re given the opportunity to look deep enough, you can see a person’s spirit in their eyes but usually, they are guarded, kept safe. Not you, my tigress, the night of your claiming, even in the moonlight, I could see your spirit shining from your eyes. You hold your spirit close to the surface for all to behold and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

Oh.

My.

God.

Unfortunately, he kept talking. “So if she gave you your eyes, my golden doe, I can see your father mourning your mother long after her death. If you share your spirit with someone, their hold on you will never fade away.”

“Stop talking,” I whispered and felt the tears shimmering, ready to fall.

Lahn saw them and his hand glided up to my cheek, his thumb sliding below my eye, releasing the tear suspended there and capturing it against his skin.

“My tigress weeps,” he murmured.

My eyes slid away.

He again spoke. “You’ve had enough, my Circe, face forward and ride with your husband in silence. We make camp soon.”

Great, something else to look forward to.

I nodded and turned around. Lahn said something to Diandra and I looked her way to see her smiling at me, eyes alight, as they would be considering she was my Korwahk crazy romantic friend and I just stopped myself from rolling mine. Then her horse faded back into the warriors.

I looked forward and tried to focus on the landscape and my next trauma and anything else that entered my brain that was not the words my husband just said to me.

But this was difficult when his arm slanted across my chest again, fingers curling around my neck in order to hold me close, his thumb sliding up and down my throat in an idle caress I tried not to think was sweet (but it was).

So, the fact was, it wasn’t difficult.

It was impossible.