The Italian’s Miracle Family

CHAPTER ELEVEN

AS THEY walked back to the villa Drago smiled and talked pleasantly, but Alysa felt with a heavy heart that the sun had gone in for them. He was no longer at ease with her, and she couldn’t blame him. She wasn’t at ease with herself. She didn’t even begin to understand herself.

She had thought of him ceaselessly, had felt close enough to be his other self, despite the miles apart. Yet when the moment had come she’d backed off, driven away from him by a force too strong for her to resist.

Am I crazy? she thought. Or just reasonable? We’ve only spent a little time together. It’s an illusion that we know each other-a beautiful illusion, but the risk is too great. Why can’t I take risks any more?

As they were drinking wine after dinner that evening, Drago said, ‘The day you arrived you said there was something you wanted to say to me. We never did get round to discussing that.’

For a moment she couldn’t think what he meant. The events of the last few days had blotted out everything but him. Then it came back to her.

‘Oh yes. Something happened that day-I suddenly knew what I want to do most. If only I could make you understand…’

‘Try me,’ he said gently.

She was too distracted to look at him closely, or she might have seen the renewed hope in his eyes.

‘It’s about James,’ she said. ‘I want to make my peace with him.’

He frowned and drew back a little. ‘But how can you do that?’

‘I went to the cemetery again. He looked so lonely among the rejects, and I was the person who put him there.’

‘Nonsense. He put himself there.’

‘In a sense, yes, but when I denied all knowledge of him just after he died I banished him. Now I’d like to take him home.’

His head shot up. ‘What?’

‘I want to have him returned to England and buried there. It’s terrible to see him in that corner when Carlotta is still honoured. At least he should have a little kindness. What are you staring at?’

‘I think you must have taken leave of your senses.’

The light had died out of his eyes and a kind of ferocity had taken its place.

‘After all this time,’ he said, ‘everything that’s happened-you still haven’t freed yourself from him. Have you learned nothing?’

‘Yes, I’ve learned that I have to forgive him before I can find peace.’

‘You don’t owe him anything.’

‘You don’t owe Carlotta anything, but you still cover her with flowers. I know it’s partly for Tina, but there’s more to it. You’ve forgiven her, and this is my way of forgiving James. But I need you to help me.’

‘How?’

‘You know people, you can use your influence to get me the necessary permissions.’

‘Not in a million years,’ he said flatly.

‘But why?’

‘Have you any idea what you’re asking? Do you think it’s easy to raise a coffin and send it to another country? I thought you’d got beyond this point and put him behind you,’ he said angrily.

‘He is behind me.’

‘I don’t think so. Not if you’ll go to all this trouble to keep him with you.’

‘It’s not like that.’

‘Isn’t it? Are you sure?’

She could see that he was really angry, and disappointment swept her. She’d been so certain she could rely on him, and now he was letting her down. Something stubborn rose within her. If that was how it was, she wouldn’t beg.

‘Fine. I’ll manage this on my own. That’s what I should have done from the start.’

‘Then maybe that’s it-the thing that was keeping you away from me. The truth is you still love him.’

‘No! I don’t love him, but I’m still not free of him, any more than you’re free of Carlotta.’

‘Don’t try to pretend it’s the same thing,’ he growled. ‘We were married for ten years. She gave me the child I love. She was a good wife, except for the end.’

He was looking at her with hard, challenging eyes. Remembering what she knew, Alysa felt her temper flare.

‘That’s just it,’ she raged. ‘She was “a good wife” because she had a family who wanted to think of her that way, but James had no family, nobody to defend him except me.’

‘He rejected you.’

‘And she rejected you, but you haven’t faced it. That’s why her grave is still covered in red roses, because you have to cling to your image of her.’

‘Then how come I told you I love you?’ he shouted.

‘Maybe you do, but I’m second best, and I always will be as long as you have this fantasy picture of her as the perfect wife-except for the fact that she left you.’

‘Suppose I do think of her like that. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.’

The challenge took her breath away. She could do exactly what he suggested, if only he knew. One sight of that letter and his illusions would vanish. For a moment she hovered on the verge of temptation.

‘Well?’ Drago persisted. ‘You think you know her better than I did. Why don’t you tell me why?’

Alysa let out her breath slowly.

‘I’m not saying that. All I know of her is what happened at the end.’

‘You mean when she took James from you. I understand why you hate her, but don’t expect me to hate her as well.’

The air seemed to be singing in her ears. She had only to tell him the brutal truth, and back it up by fetching the letter from its hiding place in England. It would be so easy to do.

‘No,’ she said at last with a sigh. ‘It wouldn’t be right to hate her.’

The moment had passed. She wouldn’t tell him now.

His phone rang. It was Tina. Alysa went into the kitchen and began washing up. She was just finishing when he came in.

‘Tina seems to be finding Elena rather hard-going,’ he said.

‘Then you should get back to her as soon as possible,’ Alysa advised at once. ‘She comes first. And I have to be going home.’

‘Ah yes, Brian and the partnership. I’m surprised he could let you go.’

‘I told him I was touting for business.’ With a little laugh she showed she wasn’t troubled. ‘In a sense it was true. There were a lot of amazing people in your house, some with business interests in England, so I may do very well out of this visit.’

‘I’m glad it wasn’t a complete waste,’ he said stiffly.

‘Nothing’s ever wasted with me. I can always turn things to good account.’

He took a step forward and seized her shoulders.

‘Stop it! Don’t talk like that. Who do you think you’re dealing with?’

‘I’m trying to make this easier for both of us.’

‘Like hell you are. You’re turning yourself back into her, aren’t you?’

She didn’t need to ask who he meant by ‘her’: that other self who’d lived behind a wall of ice, and who might still tempt her when things became painful.

‘I’m being sensible. You have to leave, I have to leave,’ she said. ‘Would you rather I threw a hissy fit and begged you to put me first and your little girl second? That would be selfish and disgusting, and you know it.’

He groaned, running his hand through his hair.

‘Yes, it would. But it worries me when you talk of being sensible. It’s dangerous.’

‘It’s my natural state,’ she said in a rallying tone.

‘In that case, let’s be sensible, and get ready to leave early tomorrow,’ he said, scowling.

‘Fine. I’ll get packed.’

Suddenly she was glad to be leaving. The hope that had vibrated so thrillingly between them was dead, and there was no reason to stay.

Nothing was said, but they both knew they would sleep apart that night, and after their meal they retired to different rooms. Now she was in the same room where she’d slept when she’d first come here, listening for sounds coming from next door. But there was nothing, only silence, like the silence between them.

Next day he drove her to the airport.

How different this was from last time, she thought sadly. Then the atmosphere between them had been charged with hopes unfulfilled and hopes for the future that might yet be fulfilled. Their parting had been yearning and bittersweet. Now it was only resigned and slightly despairing.

At the barrier they paused and regarded each other.

‘I guess we only managed to get part-way down the road,’ he told her.

‘We asked for too much,’ she said sadly.

‘I don’t believe it was too much. I told you that I love you. That won’t change. When you’ve decided what you want, I’ll still be here.’

‘You’d better forget about me. My head’s too mixed up.’

‘And so is your heart,’ he said. ‘But when you’re ready to move on you’ll find me here, however long it takes. When you come back-No, don’t shake your head. You will come back.’

‘Because that’s what you’ve decided?’ she asked with a faint smile.

‘If you want to put it that way. I won’t take no for an answer. I’m a tyrant, remember? An awkward, overbearing lout who demands his own way in everything.’

Her eyes were suddenly misty as she reached out to touch his cheek. He might bad-mouth himself as much as he liked, this great, gentle man with the tender eyes and the fierce armour that kept slipping, leaving him defenceless. She knew the truth, and her heart broke because she couldn’t cast aside caution and throw herself into his arms for ever.

‘No, that’s not what you are,’ she said. ‘Tina was right.’

‘What did Tina say about me?’

‘Ask her. If you play your cards right, she might tell you.’

‘If you’re playing mind games with me,’ he said, ‘then we’re not finished.’

He held her eyes with his own.

‘I’ll see you,’ he said. ‘I don’t know when, but I will.’

Then he walked away.

Alysa landed in England at midday and behaved like a perfect, responsible businesswoman, going straight into work and conferring with her colleagues. After four hours she departed with an arm full of files and spent the evening on the phone to clients.

Finally, at one in the morning, she faced the thing she’d been avoiding, and unlocked the safe where she kept Carlotta’s letter.

She read it through once more, thinking of how it would destroy Drago’s illusions if he saw it, castigating herself as a fool who didn’t know where her own best interests lay.

Tell him, urged her common sense. It’ll hurt him for a while, but it’ll clear the way for you. You’ll have all his heart then, and perhaps that will conquer your fear and free you to turn to him.

But she knew she wasn’t going to do it. It wasn’t about common sense. It was about the love she felt even while she tried to deny it. It scared her that she’d come so close to telling him the forbidden secret.

She took out the letter from James that she’d also stolen, and read them both one last time. Then she tore them into little pieces, put a match to them and watched as they turned to ashes.

As the months passed she found herself doing again what she’d done before, throwing herself into the job to dull emotions that she didn’t want to have. But it was harder now. Then she hadn’t fully understood what she was doing. This time she knew exactly.

She’d survived once by murdering all feeling and functioning like an automaton, but Drago had destroyed that defence. Now her heart was alive again, and it yearned for him. He’d shown her a new way, and she’d rejected it.

But I can’t face it going wrong again, she mourned. Not just for me, but for him. This is my life now.

As the time passed into November, then December, the weather grew cold-not the bright, edgy cold of approaching Christmas, but a dreary chill. Decorations went up in the office; lists were made of clients who must be sent cards.

More as a personal gesture than anything, Alysa put a few modest decorations up in her home. It wasn’t the joyful display of the Christmas before last, when she’d been full of ill-fated happiness over James. But nor was it the bleak nothingness of last year, when she’d hurried past shop windows containing nativity scenes, eyes averted. She’d come to terms with what her life was turning into. Or so she told herself.

If she’d felt like weakening fate took a hand just then to stiffen her resolve, Brian chose that moment to tell her that her partnership was settled.

‘We’re going to make an occasion of it,’ he said. ‘Dinner at the Ritz, with everyone there-all the partners and their wives-just to welcome you. I’ll be your escort, so take tomorrow off to buy a new dress. Go on. I don’t want to see you in the office until you’ve bought something eye-catching.’

Next morning she got up early to head for the West End, but she soon realised that it was going to be one of those awkward days. As she was heading for the lift, she heard the phone begin to ring in her apartment, dashed back, dropped her keys and managed to get the front door open just as the ringing stopped.

She punched in the keys to find out where the call had come from, but there was nothing to tell her.

Which means it’s probably a foreign number, she thought. Drago?

It wasn’t wise to call him, but she found herself dialling his number. But all she got was the engaged signal. She held on, hoping it would stop. When it didn’t she hung up and dialled again. Still engaged.

Not Drago, then. Probably a wrong number.

But it happened again, just as she reached the front door. This time she ran back fast, but the ringing stopped just as she reached out her hand.

‘Well, you’re not Drago,’ she told the phone when she’d slammed it down. ‘He’d never dither like that. Now, I’m going.’

The streets were full of Christmas. Neon angels floated overhead, their lights flickering on and off even at this early hour. Music played, notices announced, ‘this way to Santa Claus’. Alysa entered one of London ’s exclusive department-stores and found herself almost caught up in the queue for Santa.

She could see him in the distance, sitting at the entrance to his grotto, talking earnestly with a little boy, apparently asking what he wanted for Christmas.

The impossible question, Alysa thought. Two years ago I’d have said that I already had everything I could want-James and our baby. Last year I’d have said I was all right then, that I’d put the past behind me, never dreaming that Drago lay in the future.

But what would I say now-that a few weeks ago I stood at a crossroads and made the wrong choice? That it’s too late to go back? That my future is now my past, and my heart aches for the love I wasn’t brave enough to fight for?

While she mused her feet took her to the entrance to the fashion department, and she forced herself back to the present. Her big moment had come and she was here to celebrate. She repeated that to herself again and again, hoping that it would become real. Or would, at least, start to matter.

The dress she finally chose was dark red, dramatic and magnificent, hugging her waist and hips, and low-cut-just the right side of decency. To go with it she chose a pair of golden sandals with suicidally high heels. The whole outfit was unlike anything she’d worn before, and that was fine. This was her flag of triumph.

On her return to the office she was besieged by her secretary and two others, demanding a display, so she dressed up and paraded before them. For this she’d sacrificed everything, and she was going to enjoy it. Their cries of delight attracted the others in the office. Brian appeared, adding his admiration, and soon everyone was applauding as she paraded up and down. They all knew that she was the victor about to come into her kingdom.

‘Make way for the queen!’ one of them cried.

‘Is this vision the lady I’m to have the honour of escorting?’ Brian asked.

Laughing, she turned to him and curtseyed, which made everyone cheer.

But the cheering died abruptly into silence. And Alysa turned to find Drago standing there, watching her, tension in every line of his body.

He looked as if he hadn’t slept for a week. His eyes were haggard and desperate, and he reminded her of the man she’d first seen months ago at the waterfall. He carried the same aura that he’d had then, as though he was being devoured inside.

‘I must speak with you,’ he said harshly. ‘Now.’

He looked around at the others, silently ordering them away. They were inclined to protest at this high-handedness, but Alysa said, ‘Please leave us.’

They trickled away. Brian regarded her with raised eyebrows, but at last he too departed. As soon as they were alone she went to Drago.

‘What’s happened? Whatever is the matter?’

‘I’ve come because I must take you back with me. It’s vital.’

‘But why? I can’t leave now-’

‘You must! No-no, I don’t mean that. But I can’t tell you how important it is. Help me, Alysa, I beg you. You’re the only person who can.’

‘What’s happened?’

‘I was going to call you,’ he said distractedly. ‘But when I picked the phone up I knew I couldn’t say it like that.’

‘Drago, was that you on the phone this morning?’

‘Yes, I called, then lost my nerve and hung up. Then I did it again.’

‘But I thought it was you, and I called you back. It was engaged.’

‘I was sitting there with the receiver in my hand, trying to make up my mind. Just an indecisive idiot. You’d have laughed if you’d seen me.’

‘No, I wouldn’t,’ she said gently. ‘Drago, please try to tell me what’s happened. I’ve never seen you in such a state.’

He closed his eyes.

‘Tina knows,’ he said simply.

‘What?’

‘She knows that Carlotta had left for good. She knows her mother abandoned her.’

‘But how?’

‘She found out at school. One of the teachers is a client of Carlotta’s law firm, and of course the people there know the truth and talk about it. Tina overheard the teachers saying how Carlotta had just walked out on her, without caring if she never saw her again.’

He broke into a stream of curses. Alysa listened in horror, not following the words, but understanding the meaning, which perfectly expressed the violence of her own feelings.

‘Oh God!’ she whispered. ‘What happened?’

‘Tina came home sobbing her heart out. I’ve tried to comfort her, told her it’s a misunderstanding, that her mother would never leave her.’

‘Good, you stick to that,’ Alysa said robustly. ‘Is Elena any help?’

‘She’s denying it too, which helps a little, but she blames me for everything.’

‘But how can it be your fault if people gossip in the law firm?’

‘It can’t, but Elena’s seen her chance to get Tina away from me. She says I must have told her. I’ve denied it over and over, but she just calls me a liar. She says I’m a wicked influence, and she’s going to “save” Tina from me. She wants to take her for good.’

‘You mustn’t let her,’ Alysa said at once.

‘I don’t mean to, but I can’t fight her alone. I told you about her family with its grand connections. It also contains two lawyers and a politician, and their influence is immense. They might just manage it.’

‘But don’t you have a lot of influence too?’

‘Yes, I can afford good lawyers. But Elena can present herself so well, and I present badly, especially if I lose my temper. You’re the only one who can help me,’ he said. ‘Tina likes you, and you can talk to her-explain, comfort her.’

‘But explain what? What do you want me to say?’

‘That’s up to you. Whatever it is you’ll manage better than me. I love that little girl, but I don’t know what to say. I’ve tried and tried, but my words don’t comfort her. She needs something more. You can give her that something, and make all those people see that they mustn’t take her away from me.

‘Please, Alysa, come back with me now. Tina and I need you more than you’ll ever know.’

‘Come back?’ she echoed.

‘There’s a flight in three hours. We can just catch it if we hurry. I promised Tina I’d be home tonight.’

‘You’ve left her alone?’

‘No, of course not. She’s with a friend of mine and his wife. She knows them, and they can be trusted, but I have to return when I promised. Please, Alysa.’

She looked down at herself. Drago did the same, and for the first time he seemed to become aware of what she was wearing.

‘What did I interrupt?’ he asked.

‘I just bought this for a dinner party.’

‘And wore it in the office to show off to your escort. He’s the guy I saw you with before, isn’t he?’

‘Yes,’ came Brian’s voice from the door. ‘And the party is to celebrate her partnership.’

‘Congratulations,’ Drago said heavily. ‘You got what you wanted.’

‘Drago-’

‘All I ask is that you help me out in this matter, and then I’ll never trouble you again.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Please, Alysa, just come with me tonight.’

‘Come where?’ Brian asked.

‘ Florence,’ Alysa said.

‘ Florence, Italy?’ Brian sounded aghast.

‘It would only be for a day,’ Alysa pleaded. ‘I’d rush back.’

‘Alysa, this is Wednesday. The dinner is on Friday. You can’t be sure you’ll be back in time, and if you’re not there when I’ve laid it all on…’ He left the implication hanging in the air.

‘I will be, I promise.’

‘And what about tomorrow? Don’t you have appointments?’

‘My secretary will reschedule them. It’ll be all right, but I have to go.’

‘I’m surprised at you, Alysa,’ Brian said. ‘You’ve worked hard for this. I watched you with admiration, and I can’t believe that you’d risk everything at the last minute.’

‘You mean you’d take it all away from her because she missed one dinner party?’ Drago demanded.

‘We prefer our partners to be reliable,’ Brian explained. ‘And,’ he added with a significant glance at Alysa, ‘I’d rather not be made to look foolish. Don’t disappoint me at this late date.’

‘I won’t. I’ll be back, I swear it. But I must go, Brian.’

Brian looked at her for a moment, then gave a shrug that clearly meant, ‘on your own head be it’, and disappeared.

‘Give me a moment to get changed,’ Alysa said.

She did it in double-quick time, instructed her secretary, then hurried out with Drago. They didn’t speak on the short journey to her home. She was trying to take in the enormity of what she’d done, aware of Drago watching her with a slightly baffled expression, as though he too had been taken by surprise.

They kept the taxi while she packed hurriedly, and then they were on their way to the airport.

‘Suppose I can’t get a ticket for this flight?’ she asked.

‘I took the liberty of buying you one.’

‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ she asked with a little smile.

‘Yes, you might have expected it by now. Will he really make you suffer for this?’

‘I’ll be back by Friday evening, so he’ll have nothing to complain about. Don’t worry.’

She wished she felt as confident as she sounded, but she could see the threat looming before her. Elena’s takeover bid for Tina had assumed manic proportions. She’d thought to control Drago by marrying him off to her friend, but that had failed, and now she was clutching at straws.

The idea that she could steal the little girl from her father might sound paranoid, but that didn’t mean it shouldn’t be taken seriously. Alysa pitied the old woman’s suffering, but she wasn’t going to see Drago devastated. Only she really understood what he’d lost, and while she had breath in her body he wasn’t going to lose any more.

And if that meant that she was the loser, that she’d pay the price by throwing away everything she’d worked for, what then?

She glanced at Drago in the corner of the taxi, his eyes closed, light and darkness chasing each other across his face, and she reached out to touch him. At once he gripped her hand painfully tight. She returned it just as hard, and they sat like that for the rest of the journey.