The Mediterranean Rebel’s Bride

CHAPTER ELEVEN

‘DULL, dreary, prosaic. That’s what I am, and I shouldn’t have let myself forget it.’

It was typical of the hand life had dealt Polly that after claiming her freedom by dramatically shearing off her hair she should find that it backfired on her with a feverish cold.

‘Can you take Matti?’ she croaked to Hope next day. ‘I don’t want to get too close to him.’

The cot was promptly whisked out of her room, and she herself was banished back to bed, where she was nursed royally. Everyone looked in to wish her well-including Ruggiero, who stayed well back in response to her urgently flapping hands.

For three days she could do little but suffer. Her meals were brought upstairs, and in between eating she slept. At last she felt better, and began to make forays out of bed.

On one of these days she sat by the window, watching as Ruggiero, below, played with Matti, showing every sign of pride in his mental alertness, while his son, as always, strutted his stuff to an admiring audience.

They’re both fine without me, she thought.

At that moment Hope pointed up to the window, and they all looked up, waving and smiling to her. For a strange moment it looked as if they were waving goodbye.

When she was sure she presented no threat to anyone, she went downstairs again.

‘You were away too long,’ Ruggiero told her.

‘Or just long enough. You and Matti get on better when I’m not hovering over you.’

‘I’ve taught him three new words. And Toni swears he’s learning to call me Poppa, although it sounds more like patata.’ He grinned. ‘But I don’t mind being called a potato by my son. He’ll probably call me worse when he’s older.’

‘Brilliant. So now you and he have established a connection, you’re not going to be taking any risks, are you?’

‘Risks?’

‘I can assume that you’re enough of a father to abandon this mad idea of the rodeo?’

‘It’s tomorrow.’

‘And you’re riding?’ she demanded, aghast.

‘There’s no reason why I shouldn’t.’

‘There’s every reason. You’re not fit yet. You’ll have another accident and maybe this time you’ll be killed. That child has lost his mother-he doesn’t deserve to lose his father too. Especially when he’s only just met him.’

‘It’s no more than I’ve done before. I wasn’t killed in the past, and what happened the day we met was a freak accident, and you know it. I have a duty to our workers to prove that the bike is good. They depend on us for a living.’

‘So get another rider. You say there’ll be others, so I expect any one of them would be glad of the chance.’

His mouth set in stubborn lines.

‘It has to be me,’ he said. ‘Because I was the one riding when things went wrong.’

‘And if things go wrong again-?’

Hope, approaching, overheard this and joined in the conversation with horror.

‘I knew you were having this party, but I didn’t know you were actually riding,’ she said, appalled. ‘You’re not nearly well enough. Get one of the others to do it.’

‘Don’t give me orders, Mamma,’ he said quietly. ‘That goes for both of you.’

He walked away before either of them could reply.

Hope groaned and cursed herself.

‘I’m sorry, cara. I shouldn’t have spoken. You would have done much better.’

‘But I wasn’t doing any better,’ Polly sighed. ‘He’s completely pig-headed. I don’t understand that. I thought we were getting through to him-that Matti was getting through. Then suddenly everything goes into reverse. He plays with his son, he teaches him words, and he smiles in the right places, but he won’t give up his pleasure to protect him. Oooh, I could-’

She made a strangling motion with her hands.

‘Do it for both of us,’ Hope snapped.

Secretly Polly knew that it was disappointment as much as anger that was driving her. The softened mood between herself and Ruggiero had seemed full of promise for his future with his son. Suddenly his image had darkened into that of a man concerned only with himself and his own wishes, without care for his child.

None of Ruggiero’s siblings happened to be in Naples at that moment, so there was only Toni, Hope and Polly who might have attended the rodeo. Hope flatly refused to do so.

‘No, you’ll just be shopping nearby,’ Ruggiero said. ‘As always.’

‘Not this time,’ his mother declared. ‘I’m going to stay here and look after your son. If you break your neck, you break your neck. That’s your business.’

But when he’d left the house she turned to Polly and said fearfully, ‘You’ll be there, won’t you? If anything happens you’ll look after him.’

‘Of course. But he’s probably right. Nothing will happen.’

She tried to sound reassuring, but she couldn’t voice her real fear-that what had happened before would happen again and he would see something that wasn’t there.

If it wasn’t there.

‘Leave him alone,’ she whispered. ‘You can’t have him. Do you hear me?’

There was no answer. Either Sapphire had admitted defeat, or she was too sure of victory to bother arguing.

A privileged crowd had been allowed into the stands that surrounded the track. Potential buyers, a few journalists, everyone from the factory, plus friends and family from the biking fraternity.

In their company Ruggiero relaxed. He spoke the same language as these people-the language of speed and danger, the language of ‘to hell with everything!’ He’d been away from them too long, among people who didn’t understand that risking your life was the most life-enhancing experience in the world. You had to toss it onto the flames to really enjoy the moment when you seized it back. What did they know?

There were ten riders, including Enrico, who had won more races than anyone else that season, and was eyeing the new bike hungrily.

‘It’s a bit soon for you to be riding again,’ he said coaxingly. ‘Take a longer rest.’

‘I have to prove that bike. Not me, but the bike.’

It wasn’t true. It was himself he had to prove again, but he couldn’t admit that to anyone else.

The leather suit he’d worn before was now clean and perfect. When he put it on he felt he become himself again: his real self, the one he wanted to be, who’d almost been lost.

There was applause as five riders walked out for the first race. He knew they were all watching him, willing him to streak ahead on the new bike and leave the rest standing. Either that or get killed. One or the other. That was just how he liked it.

He stood for a moment, looking around through his visor, knowing the others were awaiting his move. From here he could just make out the place where she’d been before. It had been different then, with speed creating half the illusion, but now he needed no speed to conjure up the woman who stood before him.

Suddenly he became quite still, watching, understanding everything for the first time.

Then he began to move.

Toni drove Polly down to the track, left her there, and returned home on his wife’s strict instructions. Polly was able to slip in and go to the same place in the stands where she had stood before.

The five bikes were already on the track, each with its own mechanic, waiting for the first race. Around her the crowd was abuzz with expectation. She couldn’t understand the words, but she could guess their meaning.

She clenched her hands, waiting for things to start. But before anything could happen she heard the shrill of her cellphone. Pulling it out quickly, she found herself talking to Kyra Davis, a nurse she’d become friendly with two years earlier. Kyra was older, well on the road to promotion, and she had been there when Freda had died.

‘I just called to say I’ve got my own ward at St Luke’s,’ she said, ‘and I have two vacancies. I’d love you to fill one of them. Where are you now?’

‘I’m in Italy.’

‘But you’ll come home soon, won’t you? Pop over and we’ll have a chat.’

‘Can I call you back about that?’ Her eyes were fixed on the track.

‘Sure, just remember there’s a job for you any time.’

She hung up.

There was a cheer. The bikers were coming out now. They all looked alike in their black leather and visors, but Polly would have known Ruggiero’s tall, lean body anywhere.

Don’t do it! Don’t do it!

She saw him walk towards the bikes with the others, saw him stop and look around. His gaze seemed fixed on the place where she stood. He seemed transfixed, rooted to the spot, as though something was there that was revealed only to him.

What can you see?

Then a murmur went through the crowd as Ruggiero pulled off his helmet and turned to the man beside him, saying something. The murmur turned to a groan of disappointment as Ruggiero made a gesture indicating his bike. The other man let out a yell of delight and punched the air, but Ruggiero never saw it. He was already walking away.

He went on walking across the track until he came to the place where Polly stood, her eyes glistening, her heart overflowing.

‘Enrico will ride for me,’ he said. ‘That’s it. Basta!’

‘What made you change your mind?’ she asked, hardly able to get the words out. ‘Did you see her?’

‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I saw you. And Matti was in your arms.’

‘It’s what you tried to tell me, isn’t it?’ he asked.

They were sitting in a small restaurant. After speaking to her Ruggiero had gone back to change out of his leather gear, giving her time to call Hope and tell her all was well.

Then they had left the track, finding the first place where they could sit together and talk quietly.

‘I tried to find the words, but there aren’t any,’ Polly said.

‘I had to learn it for myself,’ he agreed. ‘And now I have-just in that moment. I saw you holding Matti in your arms. The two of you were looking at me. But he wasn’t really there, was he?’

‘He’s at home with your parents. But, yes-he was with me.’

He nodded slowly. ‘And with me. For the first time I feel that he’s mine.’

‘And you are his,’ she reminded him. ‘Or it doesn’t work.’

He took her hand. ‘Let’s go home.’

Hope and Toni were watching for them, standing on the steps with Matti between them, each holding one hand. They came down slowly, releasing him when they reached the ground, so that he had only to waddle two steps before clinging onto his father’s leg for support.

Ruggiero dropped down to one knee to put his arms about his son.

‘We got there,’ he said huskily.

Polly stood back, watching them with pleasure, then exchanged glances with Hope and Toni. A decision was forming inside her.

She waited a few more hours, studying Ruggiero and Matti, but in her heart she was sure. These two had a road to travel yet, but they had found the start and placed their feet on it together.

She was even more certain when Ruggiero tried to assist his son in walking, holding his hand, and Matti impatiently thrust him away.

‘There’s a chip off the old block,’ Toni said, and Ruggiero nodded.

‘You used to fall over more often than not,’ Hope reminded him.

‘But he doesn’t fall over,’ Ruggiero said, regarding his child with pride.

At that moment Matti sat down hard.

‘That was my fault,’ Ruggiero hastened to say, speaking loud to be heard through his son’s bawled indignation. ‘He fell over my foot.’

At last Hope said, ‘It’s time this little one was in bed. Polly, shall we put him back in your room?’

‘No, let him stay with you,’ she replied quickly.

She joined the procession upstairs, but remained in the background during the ceremony as the last pieces of her resolution fell into place. Afterwards Ruggiero found her brooding on the terrace, and sat down, smiling contentedly.

She took a deep breath.

‘I’m glad this has happened now,’ she said. ‘It makes it easy for me.’

‘There’s something in the way you say that that makes me nervous.’

‘I have to go home for a while.’

‘For a while? Are you coming back?’

She hesitated. ‘I don’t know. I need to be away from here, and you need to be alone with Matti. I’m starting to be in the way.’

‘That’s nonsense. I couldn’t have got this far without you.’

‘But you have reached this far, and you’ll manage the next stage better if you let go of your nurse’s hand.’ She smiled. ‘If you should need a hand to hold onto, take Matti’s. You’re both going in the same direction.’

‘Matti needs you,’ he insisted.

She waited, daring to hope. But Ruggiero didn’t say that he needed her, and her heart sank again.

‘I think Matti will be fine without me. This is his home now, and he loves it. He loves Hope and Toni and you.’

‘He’s getting used to me-’

‘No, you’re winning his heart. He’s as bright as a button, and he’s just like his poppa. Everyone can see that. That’s the bond. All you have to do is use it. You managed the big first step today.’

He didn’t look at her as he said, in a strange voice, ‘You’re not doing this very well, Polly.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked in alarm.

‘You’re doing what you once accused me of-just reciting the words. Why don’t you tell me the real reason?’

For a moment she thought he’d guessed her feelings and was challenging her to speak them. And, if so, would it be so terrible to say that she loved him?

But then he added, ‘I suppose Brian’s cutting up rough, and you feel you have to get back to him?’

‘Yes,’ she said, letting out her breath slowly. ‘It’s Brian.’

‘I wish I knew what you see in him. Isn’t he worried about you?’

‘I told you, he’s a doctor.’

‘Ah, yes-a man so busy serving humanity that he has no time for you. To hell with him! If he loved you, he’d be hammering on your door.’

‘Not every man shows his feelings by tearing the walls down.’

‘Just Neanderthals like me, huh?’

‘I didn’t-’

‘Well, you’re right. I told you how I went crazy in London when Sapphire vanished-roaming the streets, starving, half mad, knocking at doors. Why isn’t he pounding doors for you?’

‘Because for one thing he knows exactly where I am,’ she replied in her most common sense voice.

‘But does he know who you’re with?’

‘He knows I’m with a patient.’

‘Does he know about this patient? How close we are? Does he know how I depend on you? That I’ve kissed you. Does he know that you’ve kissed me?’

‘I didn’t,’ she said quickly. ‘I didn’t push you away because your ribs-’

‘So that was a nurse’s concern, was it? What about your other patients? Do you-?’

‘Stop it,’ she flashed, her eyes daring him to say any more. ‘Stop right there.’

He flushed.

‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered. ‘I didn’t mean to say that.’

‘Never speak of this again. The sooner I go the better.’

She left quickly, before he could answer. Her breath was coming sharply, and every nerve in her seemed alive with conflicting emotions-anguish, temptation and desire contending with fear.

The fear was because she knew how close she’d come to yielding to what she must resist. Ruggiero wanted her to stay for Matti’s sake, but also because his own nature needed her. It wasn’t love, but for a woman who was passionately in love with him it might have been a bearable substitute.

Except for Sapphire.

He could say what he liked about being over her. It wasn’t that simple. Her body might be dead, but still she would always be alive in the son they shared, in the memories that would live as long as his heart and soul lived.

And while that was true he could never really be hers.

What tormented her most was the knowledge that if she’d pushed matters, said the right words, she could probably have manoeuvred him into a proposal. But hell would freeze over before she did so. No half measures. He must be hers completely or not at all. Anything else would mean years of misery.

So the answer was not at all. And now she would flee this place, while she could still bear it.

Hope took the news of her impending departure calmly.

‘Yes, you need to return for a while,’ she said. ‘Everything will still be here when you get back.’

‘I’m not sure if I-I don’t know how things will work out.’

Hope kissed her.

‘We’ll meet again,’ she said placidly.

Her goodbye to Matti was tearful on her side but not on his. He’d perfected the art of putting shapes into the right holes and was eager to demonstrate.

‘And he knows you’ll be back soon,’ Ruggiero said quietly.

‘Perhaps. Are my things in the car?’

‘Yes, I’m all ready to drive you to the airport, if you still want to go.’

I don’t want to go, she told him silently. I want to stay with you always. I want to love you and have you love me. But you don’t love me, and perhaps you never will. Maybe this is the only way I can find out.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I still want to go.’

At the airport he carried her bags to Check-In, and walked with her towards the departure lounge.

‘Stay,’ he said suddenly. ‘Don’t go. You belong here.’

If he’d said, Stay with me, she would have done so, even then. But ‘Stay’ wasn’t enough.

‘I’m not sure where I belong,’ she told him. ‘I have to find out.’

‘Will he meet you at the other end?’

‘No, he’s-’

‘I know-he’s busy,’ Ruggiero interrupted her, exasperated. ‘Then he has only himself to blame for anything that happens.’

He pulled her close and laid his lips on hers. Polly closed her eyes and gave herself up to the feeling for perhaps the last time. In this public place she couldn’t embrace him as she wanted to, but she tried to let him know silently that her heart would remain here, although the rest of her might never return.

‘Polly…’ he said softly.

‘I must go now. Goodbye.’

‘We’ll see each other again soon.’ He was still holding her hand.

‘Goodbye-goodbye-’

The little flat seemed to echo around her. The year spent there with her cousin and Matti had been terrible in many ways, but now that they were gone it was somehow worse. The emptiness struck her more fiercely for its contrast with the last few weeks in the cheerful villa, with members of the huge Rinucci clan wandering in and out.

She had nobody, she realised. Her only relative was Matti, and she’d parted with him for his own sake. She would visit him in Naples, and know herself to be welcome, but then she would come back here and the family doors would close behind her.

Why, that’s it! she told herself. It’s all of them I’m missing. Not only Ruggiero. I just loved being part of a big jolly family. I’m not in love with him. Not really.

With that settled it was easier to concentrate on settling in. She whisked around with a duster, bought herself some fish and chips from across the road, made a huge pot of tea and settled down to read the post that had arrived while she was away.

It was very silent. The scream of the phone was a relief.

‘Did you have a safe journey?’ Ruggiero asked from the other end.

‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you.’

‘Matti has been waiting for you to call and say you’d arrived. When you didn’t, I told him I’d call you.’

Something caught in her throat, half-laughter, half tears.

‘So the two of you had a nice little talk?’ she asked.

‘He did most of the talking. He wants to know how you are.’

‘I’m just fine.’

‘Was it a good flight? He knows you don’t like flying, and he’s worried about that.’

‘Tell him it was a nice smooth flight.’

His voice became muffled as he turned away to say, ‘She says it was a nice smooth flight.’

Matti answered, ‘Aaaah!’

‘He says he’s very pleased,’ Ruggiero passed on.

‘Give him my love.’

‘Why don’t you tell him yourself? Here, Matti. Put it to your ear-like that.’

‘Aaaah!’ he said.

‘Is that you, darling?’ she asked.

‘Si, si, si, si, si.’

‘You’ve learned another word. How clever you are.’

‘Aaaah!’

‘He says he loves you,’ came Ruggiero’s voice. ‘He wants you to say it too. Here, Matti.’

‘I love you,’ she said softly. ‘Matti?’

‘He slid off my lap and went to Mamma,’ Ruggiero said.

‘It’s time he was in bed.’

‘She’s just about to take him.’

‘And you?’

‘I’ll be there, too.’

‘Good. I must go now. Goodnight.’

‘Ciao!’

‘Ciao!’

She put down the phone and sat quietly in the dusk, until there was no light left.