The Rainbow Cedar

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Jay stood on the balcony staring out over the ocean, listening—but not really hearing—as Katherine ordered them champagne. The view was spectacular up this high. Drew would love it.

She shook her head. No, Drew would hate it. It couldn't match the grandeur of their views from the volcano. Not the views, not the smell, not the fresh air... and certainly not the company.

Taking a deep breath, she turned around, going back inside. The suite was huge. She could only guess what Katherine had paid for it.

"Champagne will be right up."

"Why champagne, Kath?"

"Why not?"

Jay spread her arms out. "Oh, I don't know. First of all, what the hell are we doing here? I just wanted to talk. We need to talk, Kath."

Katherine sat down on the sofa and crossed her legs, swinging one nonchalantly as she smiled at Jay. "Okay. So talk. What's on your mind?"

Jay hated the smile, hated the pose on the sofa, and she hated the fact that she was intimidated by Katherine. She crossed her arms defensively, wondering how to begin.

"Why are we in a two hundred dollar a night room?" Katherine laughed. "Try two-fifty. And why not? Is it just terrible of me to want to spend some time with you? Is it so wrong to take you away so we can be alone?"

"Alone? What is it, Kath? Has Jenna run her course already?" Katherine sat up straighten "What are you insinuating?"

"Oh, come on. You know what I'm insinuating."

Katherine laughed. "Are you actually jealous of the time I spent with Jenna?"

Jay shook her head. "Surprisingly, jealous was not ever one of the emotions I felt. I think I just now realized that. But anger, yes. Betrayal, that too."

"Betrayal?"

Jay turned, staring out at the water again, trying to find its peace. Inner turmoil was a terrible tiling. Part of her wanted to lash out at Katherine, to hurt her. Another part simply wished it was over with, wished she could just go home and... and what? All she wanted was a little happiness, a little love, a little peace and contentment. Things she realized she hadn't ever had with Katherine. Not really. Things she imagined she could have with Drew.

She turned back around, not afraid to meet Katherine's eyes head on. "Did you think I wouldn't notice? Do you actually think I'm that stupid to not know? And then this?" she asked, looking around the room. "You brought me here so you could have sex with me now?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, stop playing games, Katherine. I'm so tired of games." She moved closer. "I'm talking about you and Jenna and your affair. That's all I'm talking about."

Katherine's eyes widened as if in shock. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing? I have never given you cause to think I would do something like that."

"How dare you insult me by lying about it?"

Katherine stood quickly, facing Jay. "I should be the one insulted. I'm the one being accused of cheating on you." She smirked. "What is it, Jay? Feeling insecure? Just because we missed the shuttle and had to stay over last night, you let your imagination get the best of you?"

"Last night? Kath, last night has nothing to do with it. We— you and I—haven't been a real couple in so long, I can't even remember. Because you're never home. Ever. And the last time we attempted to have sex, you fell asleep in the middle of it. So when Jenna comes into your life, when you make time for her like you never could for me, of course I'm going to think something is up. But this trip just confirmed it. I'm not blind to the looks between you. So don't lie to me."

"You've got it all figured out, don't you?" She laughed. "Do you think there's a reason I didn't come home, Jay? Did it ever occur to you that maybe it was because you were there?" She took a step closer. "Living with you had become unbearable. It was like living in an icebox."

"You're right. Your house is very cold. There's no warmth there. I know now there wasn't any love there either. I don't think you're capable of love. You're too selfish."

The blow came so quickly, Jay had no time to react. Her head snapped to the side, her cheek stinging from the force of Katherine's slap. Shocked, she stared at Katherine. "Do you feel better now? Does hitting me make you feel like you're in control?"

Katherine slapped her again, causing her to stumble backward. This time, she tasted blood. She raised her hand, touching her lip. In all their years together, Katherine had never once hit her. In fact, she couldn't remember them ever really fighting. But now, the look in Katherine's eyes scared her.

"Yes, I am always in control, Jay. Don't forget that." She pushed Jay out of the way, picking up her purse. "Yes, I slept with Jenna. It was fabulous. Something I'm sure you know nothing about. Good sex." She laughed. "And surely you don't think she was the only one, do you? There were countless others over the years. I've had many lovers. You weren't really one of them, Jay. You were never in my league, darling. You were always second-class."

To say she was stunned was an understatement. "Then why? Why did you stay?"

Katherine squared her shoulders. "I felt sorry for you, that's all. But no more. I'm done with you. I want you out of my house. I want you out of my sight."

Jay rubbed her cheek again. "All these wasted years, Katherine. I should have left you so long ago."

"Left me? That's a joke." She went to the door. "I've had enough of this. Enough of you. I can't possibly stay another three days in Hawaii. Because frankly, Jay, you do nothing but bring me down."

The door slammed hard as she left. Jay closed her eyes, her head dropping heavily to her chest. She was surprised by the stinging of tears. She wiped them away angrily. She would not shed a tear for that woman.

No, but she could cry for herself. And she did, finally sinking down onto the sofa, tears falling easily as she made no effort to stop them. Wasted years. How many affairs had Katherine had? Five? Ten?

She leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees, taking deep breaths, angry at herself for her tears. It wasn't worth it. But it still stung. How blind had she been? How trusting. It had never occurred to her that Katherine had slept around. Second-class. Yeah, that's exactly how Katherine had treated her. Never worthy.

"Why the hell did you stay eight years?" She shook her head. She had no answer. Had she stayed out of a sense of duty? Had she been hanging on to hope that a love would grow? Had she simply been content? Maybe all of those. Or maybe she stayed because she felt she wasn't worthy and was grateful Katherine wanted her. At least someone did.

She rolled her eyes at that thought. If she didn't stop, she would be attending her own pity party alone. And she neither wanted, nor needed pity.

She looked up at the rapid knocking on the door.

"Room service. Champagne."

She laughed quietly. "Champagne. How ironic." She stood, going to the door.

"Where would you like it?"

"At the bar is fine." She went to her purse, but she had no cash. She looked up apologetically. "Only plastic. I'll be sure to put a generous tip on the room tab."

He bowed politely. "Not a problem, ma'am. Thank you."

She closed the door with a grin. "Yes, Katherine will be happy to leave a large tip." She fingered the cork, nearly popping it right there in a fit of defiance. But then she dutifully took the towel he'd left and covered the top as she eased the cork out with an anticlimactic thud. She filled both of the glasses, then took one.

"Here's to me, to better days." She held the glass up in a salute before drinking. She smiled. The champagne was excellent. It was only then that she looked in the mirror behind the bar. She looked frightful. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheek and lip swollen. "Damn." She stared in the mirror, watching her tongue come out and lightly touch her lip, the blood from the tiny cut now dry. War wounds. Oh, well. It is what it is. With that, she refilled her glass, taking it with her to the balcony. The breeze was warm, the sun having chased the clouds from the sky. It was a beautiful day and she had the room for the night. She could just stay.

But no. She didn't want to stay. She wanted to see Drew. She went back inside, getting her phone from her purse. She scrolled through her numbers, finding Eleu's. It rang six times before she picked up.

"It's me. Jay."

"Yes, Jay. Is everything fine?"

Jay laughed. "No, not fine. I'm at some hotel. Katherine left me here. I could call a cab, I suppose, but—"

"No, no. I will send Manko. Where are you?"

Jay looked around. "I'm not sure. It's two towers with a courtyard type thing between them."

"Yes, yes. You are at the Twin Palms. I will send Manko."

"Eleu? Is Drew around?"

"No. Drew and Jenna went out. An island cruise."

"Oh. I see."

"She was... she was upset, so..." her voice trailed off.

"Upset? Why?"

"You left with Katherine. You left no word with anyone."

"And she thought I... oh, no." Jay shook her head. "Katherine and I ended things. We had a... a fight. And she left."

"Are you okay?"

Jay touched her puffy cheek. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Well, I will send Manko to get you."

"Thanks, Eleu."

She folded her phone shut and sat there quietly for a moment. Why had she just left with Katherine without telling anyone? What was she thinking? Truth was, she wasn't thinking of anything or anyone other than what she was going to talk to

Katherine about, what she wanted to tell Katherine. As it ended up, she didn't really tell Katherine anything.

Katherine had told her.

Second-class.

Jay touched her cheek again. Katherine was right about one thing. Jay certainly wasn't in her league. She'd hadn't yet been reduced to hitting.