The Rancher's Surrender

Chapter 9

The fire in Zoe's eyes defied description. "I am enjoying myself."

He let out a little laugh but didn't release her. "I can see that."

"I am!"

"You're a liar."

"That's it," she fumed, dropping her roller and shoving him back. Paint splattered over both of their feet. "Oh, great, just great." She lifted a tennis shoe for inspection. "I'll never get these clean now."

"You should be wearing boots out here, I've told you that. And gloves, too, dammit, to protect your hands. I thought you got some new gloves. Where are they?"

With a guilty gesture, she reached into her back pocket and he saw the new gloves tucked there. Fresh and unused, when her hands were red and chafed. He didn't want to think about that strange bursting thing that happened to his insides, knowing that the gloves were a novelty and she didn't want to get them dirty.

"Boots, at least," he said gruffly.

"Yeah, well, boots cost money."

"You know how to remedy the money problem, Zoe. The offer stands."

Which was apparently not the right thing to say. She rounded on him with fresh fury. "Can't you just leave?"

"Maddie invited me to dinner."

"I want you to go."

"That would suit you just fine, wouldn't it? Then you wouldn't have to face this."

"Face what?"

"Us."

She shook her head and backed up a step, eyes wide with what he would have sworn was panic. "No," she said unevenly. "There's no us. You've gotten the wrong idea, that's all."

He pulled her back so that they were face-to-face. "From the very first moment I saw you, we've been sparking off each other. Tell me you haven't felt it- Careful," he warned when she started to shake her head in denial. "I watch the pulse leap in your neck when I come close. I hear your breath catch when I look at you, and when I touch you…" His voice thickened as his own words made him hot. "And when I put my hands on you, I feel you quiver."

"Sounds like the flu to me." But her voice shook. So did her smile. "I think it's passing now. You should go… you know, before you catch it."

"I'm not budging, Zoe. It's time to have this out."

"Look, Ty, don't take this personally. But I don't have it out with anyone."

"You have a terrible habit of hiding your feelings, Zoe."

"That's a little like the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

"No. I have feelings and I show them. For instance, in case you haven't noticed, I'm turned on right now."

"I've noticed," she muttered, avoiding his gaze.

He cupped her jaw so she had no choice but to look at him. "For weeks I've been trying to break through to you, struggling to get past that damn block wall you keep putting up. I'm tired of being patient."

Incredulous, she stared at him. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't want you to 'break through'? That I'm just perfectly fine and don't need you?"

"No."

She let out a little laugh and gripped the front of his shirt in fistfuls, though whether to keep him at bay or hold him close he had no idea and suspected she didn't, either. "I've been trying for weeks, too-to ignore you."

"I know. And I'm tired of that, too, tired of you pretending you don't care when I can see the passion burning in your eyes-passion for me!"

She tried to laugh again, then tried to scoff at him, but failed at both. Instead, she clamped her mouth tight, looking suddenly vulnerable and nervous. "You're mistaken," she told him, pale now. "I'm not a… passionate sort. I'm not the kind of woman to have it burning in her eyes, much less-" She bit her lip.

"Much less what, Zoe?"

"Much less cause it in you."

He could see she wasn't kidding, so he held back his startled laugh. God, could she really believe that about herself? "Zoe, I don't even have to see you to feel it. I just think about you and it happens. You're one of the most passionate people I know."

Dropping her head back, she stared up at the sky. "Why won't you just go away? I really don't want to talk about this."

She'd been hurt, that was obvious. At least one person had taught her that to feel hurts, and at the moment be wanted badly to hurt that someone. Instead he gentled both his hold and his voice. "It's time to let go, Zoe. Let go of what has hurt you. The past is over."

"I feel, you know. I feel for this place."

"Feel for me."

Her eyes widened at the bold dare and she took a step back. "I… can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

She was miserable, but he couldn't let her hide, not from this. "Tell me you feel nothing and I'll walk away right now," he said rashly. "Tell me."

"I-" She closed her eyes. "I want to tell you that. God, I really want to tell you I feel nothing."

"Then do it."

Her eyes opened and she licked her lips with a nervous little dart of her tongue. With just that small movement he became aware of their position and how close they stood. Her breasts brushed his chest. Her thighs met his. And between them was a heat that made him dizzy. "Tell me," he urged quietly. "I have to hear it."

They looked at each other, the air charged, and she said nothing.

"Zoe."

"When you kissed me," she whispered, staring at his mouth, "I saw fireworks. That's never happened before."

A smile crossed his lips before he could stop himself. "Did you like it?"

"Yes." She smiled, too. "That's why I punched you."

"If we try it again, just started with a little kiss, what would happen?"

"I'd probably still like it," she admitted.

His smile widened as he leaned close. "Don't slug me again." And he came closer still, brushing his mouth lightly over hers once, then twice. "No biting, either," he whispered.

A soft sound came from deep in her throat, and the soft, mewling neediness was irresistible. His hands slid down her arms to link his fingers with hers, and he took her mouth one more time, deeper, hotter. She met him, straining for even more. Then, when his brain was exploding with pleasure, she pulled back, put a hand to his chest and drew in a ragged breath. "Not good."

In his highly aroused state, he could hardly place together a coherent thought. "Felt good to me."

"You want something from me I can't give."

"Believe me, what I want, you can give."

"No, you want me to admit feelings that I… just can't. And…" She let out a little sound. "And never mind the rest."

He stared at her. He knew the rest suddenly, sharply, as if she'd spoken. She wanted something from him, too, something he wasn't sure he was any more prepared to give then she was.

The front door to the house opened and Zoe jerked back guiltily, even though they weren't in direct sight. But Zoe didn't want to get caught in Ty's arms and have to explain it to a curious, meddling sister when she couldn't even explain it to herself. She bent for the roller she'd dropped and let out an oath at the dirt clumped to it.

Maddie called to them from the front steps. "Dinner's on. You guys hungry?"

Ty hadn't moved an inch of his big, tensed body. He turned just his head and met Zoe's gaze. Something inside her chest tightened at his expression.

His slate eyes held lingering heat and frustration, equally mixed. That long, rangy body of his was tight with anticipation and irritation, also equally mixed. He was so… so overwhelmingly male.

In fact, he looked like trouble personified, and suddenly it struck her as poetic justice. He was aroused and angry about it, and that made two of them.

"Not funny," he groaned quietly, reading her mind. "A guy could die of this, you know."

"So could a woman," she told him, then regretted it when his eyes smoldered.

"I'll take that as an admission," he told her bluntly. "And it's a start."

With that, he walked around her and headed toward the front door, where Maddie stood watching them both with clear curiosity.

Ty smiled at her, and when he got close enough for Maddie to hear, he murmured something that made her smile back at him in return.

Zoe drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Another kiss like that, she thought, and she was going to go right up in flames.

How did he do it? How did he draw her so completely out of herself? It was startling, and once again she used anger to ward off fear.

He had some nerve, demanding she stop hiding and live. She did live. She did feel. Yes, maybe she did both of those things conservatively, but he had no right to criticize.

Not when he'd so neatly neglected to tell her how he felt about her.

She watched him set a gentle hand on Maddie's shoulder and lead her into the house. Maddie's soft laughter drifted to her and Zoe shook her head in disgust.

He couldn't care, not really. Right? All he wanted was the land. But the uncertainty had Zoe's head spinning. He seemed sincere with Delia and Maddie. Then there was the way he treated her. He'd held her as if she were important and meaningful, with no intentions of fooling her in those eyes. The only thing shining there had been hunger and yearning.

Apparently he'd grown up with even less love and affection than she'd had. Could he be just as reluctant as herself? She supposed it was possible, but it was so much easier to think the worst of him.

Easier and far more simple.

Momentarily forgetting he had as much reason as she to fear entanglement, Zoe vowed to put a stop to this insanity now. She would regain control of herself. That's all there was to it.

Zoe stalked off toward the house, determined to do just that.

The gloves she'd tucked into her back pocket flapped against her. Stopping, she reached back and jammed them in farther. She'd told Ty she'd gotten new gloves; what she hadn't told him was that they had appeared mysteriously wrapped in a brown sack in her bedroom the other night.

Zoe knew they'd come from Delia. It was just like her sister to buy them secretly, simply because Zoe's hands were cracking from the unaccustomed hard work. Delia loved to give presents, and strangely enough hated to be thanked or acknowledged, which always made Christmas fairly interesting.

Maddie and Zoe had long ago accepted Delia's inexplicable embarrassment, but now the gift meant even more. Shopping was a prized commodity out here in the boondocks. It was inconvenient, not to mention their precarious financial situation. Still, Delia had thought of her, and that was a thrill Zoe would never get used to.

A funny sensation burst in Zoe's chest. Love? Most definitely. Easy to define, not nearly as easy to express.

But that's what the gloves represented to her, a deep, abiding love. Maybe that's why she didn't want to ruin them by actually using them for work. It was her small, silly way of showing Delia that she loved her back.

Showing was much easier than actually spelling it out. She wasn't proud of the fact she rarely told Delia and Maddie how she felt, when they told her often and easily.

Old habits were hard to break. Ty might have made the mistake in thinking she could easily define how she felt about him, but Zoe could never make that same mistake.

If she couldn't easily put to words her feelings for Delia and Maddie, then describing the wild and unpredictable feelings she had for Ty were all but impossible.

Her solution-avoid him at all costs.

Zoe's plan backfired.

There was no need to ignore Ty, not when he'd so effectively ignored her first.

And he hadn't just ignored her, Zoe was forced to admit, he'd completely avoided her.

On Monday he'd brought Maddie wildflowers for the table, disappearing before Zoe had come in for dinner. Tuesday he'd brought plans for the hot tub he'd promised Delia, once again doing the vanishing act before Zoe had set eyes on him.

The week had continued like that, until by Friday she was alternately telling herself how much she enjoyed her peace and quiet, and chewing her nails into stubs wondering if she'd kissed so awful he'd decided she wasn't worth any effort at all.

Friday night the three sisters had their weekly financial meeting, which had pretty much revolved around how bad that financial situation was.

Fact was, they needed to get the ranch going now, if they had any hope of making this work. The problem was, none of them knew anything about ranching. So far the only thing they'd agreed on was that animals seemed easier than raising crops. Zoe had spent much of her childhood fantasizing about homes, but her practical experience was nil.

Delia had suggested they utilize their manager-namely Ty-and let him take over the technical aspect of the ranch, but Zoe didn't want to lean on him. She didn't want to lean on anyone.

But if she let her stubbornness have rein, she was going to lead them all to bankruptcy. She couldn't be that stupid, or selfish. The stress of it had started to keep her awake. She was hurting both Delia and Maddie with her hard head.

It had to stop. She spent Saturday dwelling on it.

Sunday morning she woke up and without thinking about it, because then she might change her mind, she hopped into one of the old trucks and drove the short distance to Ty's house. The most difficult part of the ride was craning her neck to catch the view. It was limited only by the horizon. It was impossible not to be touched by the spectacular scenery as she bounced along on the rough excuse for a road. The land was rugged, untamed.

Serenity and serendipity, she thought. Both abounded here. Still, the closer she got, the more nerves danced in her belly. She hadn't been to Ty's house before, so she shouldn't have been surprised at the lovely, one-story ranch-style home, which was obviously well-cared for. The windows opened to the early sun, and flowers grew in a series of pots on the wraparound porch.

Flowers?

Frowning, Zoe hopped out of the truck, then didn't move as she digested the fact she was staring at yet another layer of the mysterious Ty Jackson.

She was here for a purpose, she reminded herself. And nothing would detract her from that purpose: no bickering, no teasing, and most definitely no kissing.

He didn't answer her knock.

Deflated, Zoe turned around, taking in the property. It was much smaller than theirs, and every bit of it looked to be wisely used. There were pastures, each occupied with horses. The barn was red against the green forest behind it. The river cut close here, splashing even more color. It was such a perfect day she almost expected the colors to run together.

Then she heard sounds coming from the barn, strange sounds that were almost like loud groans… as if an animal were in horrible pain. She walked down the path and toward the building, slowing when the unusual noises became louder, then louder still.

It sounded like a horse in great pain, and when that horse screamed, a spine-tingling, ear-splitting whinny, Zoe started running. She burst into the barn, and when she did, someone let out a shout.

She recognized that shout-it was Ty's-and Zoe's heart stopped. Blinking uselessly in the dim barn, Zoe was forced to waste precious seconds as her eyes became adjusted.

"Zoe," Ty barked while she was still struggling to see. "Come here!"

She could make out the shadows in the stall now. A horse down on its side, its flanks rising and falling rapidly as the animal grunted and breathed as though she'd been running a race.

It was Abby, the pregnant mare.

Ty was on his knees behind her, face tense with strain. His shirt was plastered to him, covered in muck that Zoe didn't want to think about.

Immediately she realized the problem-the horse was in labor, and given Ty's face, she was not doing well. Just days ago she'd melted at the thought of a new foal, but being here, in the midst of the controlled chaos, watching Abby writhe in pain, was another thing entirely.

Suddenly she was sorry she'd followed the sounds.

When she didn't move, Ty swore and lifted his head, piercing her with his intense gaze. "You're going to have to help."

"Me?" The word came out like a squeak. As a true city girl, she'd never even seen a dog have puppies. The thought suddenly made her feel light-headed. "Are you alone?" she asked in horror.

"Not anymore." He nodded curtly to the other end of the stall. "Hold her head still and talk to her when the next contraction comes. She's getting too tired to push, so I'm going to have to help."

"Oh God." She could see blood on the floor, in the straw beneath the whimpering horse, and on Ty. Her own blood roared in her ears. Her stomach did somersaults.

"Zoe."

She looked up at the low, terse command. Ty's eyes were lined with strain and determination. "I've had Abby since she was born. I'm not going to lose her now, dammit, because you're squeamish. If you're going to faint or throw up, then get the hell out."

"I'll be fine."

"This is ranch life," he told her harshly when she flinched at the strong smell of blood and sweat and birth. "This is life, period. And it's now a part of your life."

She got the picture. If she couldn't do this, she had no business being in ranching. But she resented him for pointing it out and resented even more his doubting her, when she had enough of her own.

The horse whinnied again, weaker now, her eyes rolling back in her head.

"Not much longer," he crooned softly. Abby immediately responded to his gentle voice, but she was still suffering, and it no longer mattered that she wasn't human- Zoe's body ached in sympathy.

She tried to imagine her own mother giving birth. Had she suffered? Cried? Rejoiced?

Zoe had no way of knowing and no one to ask, and the injustice of that was hard to take. Had she been a good baby or a sickly one?

Had she been loved?

"Zoe, touch her."

She did, whispering soft, inane words of encouragement as she fought emotions she didn't know she had. Time passed, could have been a moment, maybe an hour, but Zoe was so attuned to Abby and her pain it didn't matter. Abby's struggle became her own, so that when Abby made a horrible straining cry, so did Zoe.

Ty's jaw tightened, his hands spread wide on the horse's belly. The muscles in his shoulder and back rippled through the cloth of his T-shirt as he moved over the horse. "Another contraction," he clipped, his hands smoothing over Abby's bulging belly. Then they disappeared and Zoe held her breath as he checked the foal's position.

"Come on, baby, come on. Help me," he muttered, sweat beaded on his forehead. His face was tight with worry and fear, his voice perfectly calm as he let Abby know how much he cared in every breath he took.

What would it be like to have a man like that on his knees, desperate to relieve her pain? To have him care for her above all else?

"Talk to her, dammit," came Ty's low command.

Zoe, stroking Abby's face gently, did just that while the horse strained and pushed. "You can do this," she whispered, wondering if Abby really could. "I know it's awful, but women go through this all the time. Of course human babies don't have four legs and weigh… how much does a foal weigh, I wonder?"

Abby quivered and Zoe's heart constricted. She stroked some more and whispered more silly comments, anything to help calm her down. "You know what I wish? That the stallion that did this to you had to deliver the baby. Now, that would be justice."

"It's coming," Ty called. "Come on, Abby, you can do it."

Abby lifted her head and screamed-and it sounded so real, so utterly human, and so full of suffering, Zoe's throat closed. Her heart tightened in her chest. "Oh God," she whispered. "Oh God. Abby, honey, hang on, it'll be over soon! Ty is doing everything he can."

Abby screamed again, shivered once, then fell so still Zoe shot up to her knees. "Ty?" she cried, desperately afraid for the horse. "Ty!"

His wide shoulders were hunched over Abby, his face contorted into a grimace born of fear and stress. Sweat ran down his face. "I've got a hoof!"

A hoof? Just one? Zoe groaned and sat back down, leaning close to Abby. "Come on, Abby, almost there. Push. Do it for me. Do it for Ty."

Then suddenly Ty was shouting with triumph, his face split into a grin as he quickly helped clear the mucus and birth sac from the foal. He rose over Abby to see Zoe. "He's perfect!"

Abby lifted her head, saw her baby sprawled out wet and shivering, half in Ty's lap and half between her back legs, and struggled to get up.

"Let her," Ty said quietly when Zoe tried to hold her back. "She has to get to him."

Abby managed, though it was painful to watch her as she was so shaky. She whinnied softly, and the baby lifted its head, still and hopeful, its little nose sniffing.

Abby reached down and licked her new baby, awe and love in her warm, intelligent eyes, and Zoe watched, amazed as her baby responded instinctively, nuzzling close.

Zoe had never come close to seeing anything like this, though she'd dreamed of it often. A surge of yearning and excitement filled her unexpectedly. This was real life. And it was beautiful. Messy but beautiful. Deep inside, some part of her wanted more of this, wanted it so badly she had to blink back hot tears as she became overwhelmed with emotion.

She hadn't made a sound, but Ty's head whipped up and their gazes collided. Everything she felt, everything that had so awed and overwhelmed her, she saw mirrored in his own eyes.

New life. New beginnings. They'd just experienced it, and with all her heart Zoe knew she wanted more.

But "more" meant reaching out and taking it. As she stood there, locked in time, staring at Ty, she knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't face the pain it would bring.

Better to not feel anything than to allow herself to feel and lose.

As if he could read her mind and the cowardly thoughts in it, Ty looked away, breaking eye contact.

Zoe felt the loss more keenly than she'd felt anything, but the moment was gone. Whatever had passed between them was over.

The foal struggled awkwardly to his feet and went instinctively for Abby's milk.

Ty had risen and moved out of her vision, but now be was back, handing her a towel. She realized tears were streaming down her face, which she wiped at, horrified at the weakness.

"You okay?"

She would be if he'd wrap her in his arms. But he didn't, and she didn't ask. She forced her usual unfeeling mask into place with huge effort.

For a moment he only stared at her. "Thanks," he said stiffly. "I couldn't have done it without you."

He turned and walked away, without a cocky smile, without the teasing she'd grown to count on, without so much as a single sexual innuendo.

It had been exactly how she wanted things between the two of them. Casual. No strings attached.

It was exactly as she would have done in reverse, if she'd been on the receiving end of that distancing look.

But as he left her standing there in the stall staring after him, she wondered why she felt suddenly so empty.