The Trouble With Valentine's Day

Five

"Regina Cladis wants to set you up with her son Tiffer."

Rob reached for the door handle of his mother's Bronco and opened it. In one part of his brain, he knew his mother was talking, but he wasn't paying attention to her. His thoughts were on Kate Hamilton and their conversation. Not only had she wrongly believed he didn't recall the night she'd propositioned him but she also didn't seem to want to talk about it. Not that he blamed her, but he'd tried to give her some good advice about picking up men in bars anyway. He'd tried to joke with her, too. She obviously had no sense of humor.

"Regina thinks you're in the closet."

That got his attention, and he glanced over his shoulder at his mother. "What?"

"Apparently Tiffer's taking a break from his career as a female impersonator just long enough to come home for an Easter visit. Regina thinks he's a good catch."

Rob frowned. "What does that have to do with me?"

Grace ducked beneath his arm and tossed her grocery bag on the passenger seat. "Regina just told me that Iona is telling everyone at the Cozy Corner that you're gay."

It wasn't the first time he'd heard the rumor, but he hadn't given it much thought. He'd hoped that his denial had put out the fire. He should have known better.

With one foot inside the car, Grace paused and looked up into Rob's face. "Of course if it's true, there's nothing wrong with it. You're my son, and I'll support you no matter who you love."

Rob sighed. "For God's sake, Mom, you know I'm not gay."

She smiled. "I know. What do you think we should do about the rumor?"

Rob glanced up at the gray clouds and let out a breath as he thought about the ramifications. In a big city the rumor probably wouldn't matter. In a town the size of Gospel, it might hurt his business. If that happened, he'd have to close Sutter Sports and move away, which he didn't want to do. "I don't know," he said and returned his gaze to his mother. He felt a bit helpless, but short of grabbing a woman and doing her on Main Street, there wasn't anything he could do.

"Do you think maybe Harvey Middleton started the rumor to hurt your business?"

"No." He didn't think the owner of Sawtooth Gun and Tackle would spread rumors. Harvey was a good guy and had more business than he could handle.

"Then who do you think started it?"

He shook his head. "I don't know the answer to that. Why would anyone believe it anyway?"

The question was rhetorical, but Grace thought about it nonetheless. "Maybe because you don't date anymore."

Rob didn't want to talk about dating with his mother, not only because they'd had the conversation before but also because talking about dating inevitably made him think of sex. Lack of sex was his real problem, and that was definitely something a man didn't want to discuss with his mother.

"You don't date either," he pointed out and looked over at the doors to the M &S. There was no sign of a certain smart-ass redhead inside. Don't flatter yourself. I don't wonder about you at all, she'd told him. Let alone the size of your package. Which didn't seem quite fair, since he'd been giving a lot of thought lately to that tattoo she supposedly had on her rear end.

"I've been thinking that it's time for us both to start dating again."

He turned back to his mother. "Is there someone you're interested in seeing?" he asked, half joking. Since the death of his father in 1980, he wasn't aware of his mother dating very much.

She shook her head and sat down in her car. "No. Not really. I just thought maybe we both need to get out a little more. Maybe get more out of life than work."

"My life is fine."

She gave him that "you can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to your mother" look and reached for the door handle. "I'm reading my new poem tonight at the grange. You should stop by."

Oh, hell no. "I'm leaving this weekend to visit Amelia," was the best he could come up with on the spur of the moment. It was lame, but it was also the truth.

Grace shut the door and started the car. "That's not for three days," she said as she rolled down the window.

He'd read his mother's poetry, and even though he was no great judge of good writing, he knew hers was bad.

Real bad.

"I'm opening the store in two weeks, and I have tons to do to get ready." Which was also true but was just as lame as his first excuse.

"Fine. I bought Amelia a little something. Come by the house before you leave town."

He'd hurt her feelings, but he'd rather get puck shot in the nuts than go to a poetry reading. "I really can't make it tonight."

"I heard you." She put the SUV into reverse and said, as she backed out, "If you change your mind, it starts at seven."

Rob stood in the empty parking space and watched his mother drive away. He was thirty-six. A grown man. At one time in his life, he'd slammed hockey players against the boards and fed them their lunch. He'd been the most feared player in the NHL and had led the league in penalty minutes. They'd nicknamed him the Hammer, in tribute to the original Hammer, Dave Schultz.

And tonight he was going to a group social that he knew consisted of old women so he could hear his mother's poetry. He only prayed this one wouldn't be as bad as her poem about nut-hungry squirrels.

The Gospel poetry social started right at seven with a discussion about binding the group's poems and selling them at this summer's Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed and Toilet Toss. This year's social director, Ada Dover, stood at a pulpit in the front of the grange conducting business.

Chairs had been set up inside the long room. There were about twenty-five ladies… and Rob. He'd purposely come in a half hour late and sat in the empty back row by the door. When the time came, he figured he could make a quick getaway.

"We can't afford a booth," someone pointed out.

From several chairs up, he saw his mother raise her hand. "We can sell them in the Mountain Momma Crafters' booth. Most of us belong to the Mountain Momma Crafters anyway."

"I bet the poems will sell faster than last year's Kleenex cozies."

Rob pushed up the sleeves of his ribbed gray sweater and wondered if a Kleenex cozy was like those knitted things his grandmother used to put on her extra roll of toilet paper. If he remembered right, hers had lots of lace and a doll's head stuck on the top.

The back door by his right shoulder opened and he glanced up to see Stanley Caldwell, looking like he'd come for a root canal. Along with the fridge night air, his granddaughter blew in behind him, looking even less pleased than her grandfather. Stanley spotted Rob and moved toward him. "Do you mind if we sit next to you?" Stanley asked.

Rob glanced up past Stanley to Kate, at her hair curling about the shoulder of her peacoat and her glossy pink lips. Her attention was directed at Ada, and she was doing a good job of pretending he didn't exist. "Not at all," he answered as he stood.

Stanley moved to the third seat and stopped, leaving the seat next to Rob free. Kate gave her grandfather a hard stare as she stepped past Rob. The shoulder of her coat stirred the air an inch in front of Rob's sweater as she brushed by him. Her white cheeks were pink from the cold, and the scent of her cool skin filled his chest.

For one brief instant, her gaze met his, and the wealth of her dislike for him filled her rich brown eyes. Her obvious feelings toward him should have mattered, but they didn't. For some reason that he couldn't begin to comprehend, he was attracted to Kate Hamilton more than he had been to any other woman in a long time. He didn't kid himself. It was sex. Nothing more and competently understandable, given the way they'd met. He didn't feel bad about his purely sexual attraction. Not that he would have anyway. Every time he saw her, he saw the woman who'd propositioned him. The woman who'd wanted to show him her bare ass.

They took their seats and Stanley leaned across his granddaughter to say, "Never thought I'd see you here."

Rob turned his attention from Kate to her grandfather. "My mother's reading her poem tonight. I didn't have a choice. What's your excuse?"

"Katie blew my alibi and Regina's been calling all day, threatening to pick me up and drive me here herself." He pointed to Kate. "I made Katie come 'cause it's all her fault."

Kate folded her arms beneath her breasts and her lips pursed a little, but she didn't say anything.

Stanley shrugged out of his shearling jacket and laid it across his lap. "Have I missed anything?"

Rob shook his head. "No."

"Damn."

Stanley sat back, and Rob took another long look at Kate, starting at the top of her hair. She was clearly irked, but he didn't care. He'd always been a big fan of true redheads, and looking at Kate's hair was like staring into a fire. One of the first things he'd noticed about her the night they'd met in the Duchin Lounge besides her smooth white skin and big brown eyes had been her hair.

Tonight she appeared cool and composed, but the longer he studied her, the more her full lips pulled into an irritated frown. Her arms remained folded across her wool coat, and her long legs were crossed at her knees and seemed to stretch out forever in front of her. She wore black pants and spiky-heeled boots. The kind that most likely came with a matching whip and paddle. Damn was right.

"If I can have everyone's attention," Ada Dover spoke from the pulpit, drawing Rob's gaze to the front of the room. "I'd like to welcome everyone to this month's social. Especially the first-timers in the back row." Stanley cringed while Rob and Kate sank a little lower in their chairs, but both were too tall to disappear completely.

"As everyone knows, this is poetry night. Quite a few of us have brought something to read. After everyone has a chance to share, we'll begin the social portion of the evening." She glanced down at her notes, then continued, "I'll be the first to share, followed by Regina Cladis."

As Ada launched into a long poem she'd written about her dog, Snicker, Kate's cool composure showed one more sign of cracking. It started with a slightly annoyed sway of her right foot, but after several minutes of Snicker, the little sway worked up to an agitated little kick.

"His eyes are brown," Ada waxed in the final stanza.

Kate's foot stopped, and Rob thought he heard her murmur something that sounded like, "God have mercy."

Stanley coughed behind his fist, and Rob was grateful that his mother wasn't the only bad poet in the room.

Regina was up next and read a poem about the library where she worked. After Regina, Iona Osborn plugged in a tape player, and the sound of a steady boom bop-bop boom filled the grange. Over the drumbeat Iona recited a poem entitled "If I Were Britney Spears." It was lighthearted and wasn't half as bad as Ada's dog poem. Kate's foot settled into an easy sway once more, then stopped as her long fingers worked the big buttons on her coat. Her shoulder bumped Rob's as she tried to pull her arms from the sleeves. Watching her was like watching someone try to get out of a straitjacket.

He leaned in and said close to her ear, "Lift your hair up."

She stopped her fidgeting and glanced up at him out of the corners of her eyes. She looked like she might argue. Like she might launch into another "I can take care of myself" speech. She opened her mouth, closed it, then ran one hand across the back of her neck, twisted her wrist, and gathered her hair. She scooped it up and Rob reached for her coat. He pulled the back of the collar down as she leaned forward. She drew one arm free and straightened, letting go of her hair. It fell in a gentle wave and brushed the back of Rob's hand. A thousand strands of red silk touching his skin and curling around his fingers. If he turned his palm up, he could gather it in his fist. It had been a long time since he'd felt the weight and texture of a woman's hair in his hands or across his chest and belly. Desire both unexpected and unwanted tugged at his lap.

She looked at him and smiled for the first time since the night they'd met in Sun Valley.

"Thank you," she said as she pulled her other arm free.

"You're welcome." He turned his attention to the podium and folded his arms across his chest. His life had become pathetic. Her hair had touched his hand, big deal. There'd been a time in his life when he probably wouldn't have even noticed. When his attention would have been focused on how to get her out of her bra, not on her hair.

He didn't know how he felt about Kate Hamilton. Other than her amazing body and dominatrix boots, he wasn't sure he even liked anything about her. There were a few men around town who were intimidated by Kate. Who thought she wanted their ball sack for a change purse. Rob wasn't so sure they were wrong. So why was he thinking about her in ways that put his ball sack in jeopardy?

He really didn't know, but perhaps it was because the Kate that everyone knew contrasted sharply with the woman in the Sun Valley bar. That night she'd been soft and warm and inviting. She'd been temptation all wrapped up in one fine package, but she'd been a temptation he'd resisted. A temptation he could still resist.

Is she worth dying for? asked the voice in his head. Is she worth your life? Kate was beautiful. No doubt about that, but as always, the answer was no. There was just no telling when a soft, warm, inviting woman would turn into a praying mantis.

Next up, Eden Hansen took the podium. She was dressed from head to toe-literally-in purple, and Rob concentrated on her purple hair and eyeshadow. If anything could scare thoughts of sex from his head, it was Eden. Her poem was entitled "Ten Ways to Kill a Mangy Rat" and was about her brother-in-law, Hayden Dean. She didn't mention Hayden by name, but anyone who knew her knew she was talking about her twin sister, Edie's, husband. When she was through, people didn't know whether to applaud or search her for hidden weapons.

From a few rows up, Rob watched his mother move toward the front. She set her poem on the podium and began,

Rob placed his forearms on his knees and gazed down at his boots. His mother had obviously given her rhyming dictionary a workout.

The poem went on for several more minutes. Grace hit the high points of getting older and ended with,

"Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus," Rob groaned and stared at the toes of his boots.

He could feel Kate's leg still, and out of the utter silence Stanley Caldwell said just above a whisper, "That was wonderful."

Rob turned his head to look at Stanley. The older gentleman appeared to be serious.

"The best so far," he said.

Kate looked at her grandfather as if he'd lost his mind. "Better than the Britney poem?"

"Oh yes. Didn't you think so?"

She pushed one side of her hair behind one ear and rather than lie said, "Not all poetry has to rhyme."

Stanley frowned, and the ends of his mustache dipped. "Well, all I know is Grace's poem was about life and what it's like getting older. It's about wisdom and finding peace with yourself. It spoke to me."

Rob placed his hands on his knees and continued to stare at Stanley. His mom's poem had been about all that? All he'd heard was that his mother was afraid of being put in a bag and that she was "one red hot momma." Neither of which a son wanted to contemplate.

Grace smiled as she took her seat, and Rob suffered through three more poetry readings before the "social" part of the evening began. He excused himself from Stanley and Kate and sought out his mother, who stood next to the refreshment table. He and Stanley were the only males in the grange, and there was no way he was going to stick around and socialize, which in Gospel meant stand around and gossip.

"What did you think of my poem?" his mother asked as she handed him a cookie with some sort of jelly in the middle.

"I thought it was even better than the squirrel poem you read me last week," he answered and bit into the cookie. He washed it down with the champagne punch she handed him. The fruity liquid burned a path to his stomach. "What's in this?"

"A little whiskey, a splash of brandy, and some champagne. If you drink too much, we have designated drivers."

He didn't plan to be around long enough to need a driver.

"You didn't think the line about Mount Fujiyama was too weird?"

Yes. "No. Stanley Caldwell liked your poem. He said it was wonderful. It spoke to him."

The corners of her mouth turned up. "Really?"

"Yep." If his mother thought shoving cookies and punch at him would make him stay longer, she was mistaken. Just as soon as he could get the dry cookie down, he was gone. "He thinks it was the best out of all the other poems."

"He's a nice man," she said through her smile. The crow's-feet in the corners of her eyes fanned across her temples and touched the roots of her graying hair. "And he's been so lonely since Melba passed on. Maybe I'll invite him over for supper one of these nights."

Rob glanced at Stanley, who stood several feet behind him, surrounded by gray-haired single women. The light shone off his bald head like he'd buffed his scalp with Pledge, and his gaze darted about the grange looking for rescue. It landed on Kate, standing further down the refreshment table, downing the spiked punch like a drunk who'd fallen headfirst off the wagon.

"Are you interested in Stanley Caldwell?" he asked, then shoved the last of his cookie into his mouth.

"Just as a friend. He's only six years older than I am." She took a drink of her own punch and added, "We have a lot in common."

Rob drained his cup and set it on the table. "Gotta go," he said as he shrugged into his coat, but before he could take even one step toward the door, Regina blocked his escape.

"Has your mother had a chance to talk to you about Tiffer?" she asked him.

"Yes," Grace answered in a lowered voice. "I talked to him."

Rob frowned and glanced behind him to see if anyone had heard Regina. "I'm not gay."

For several long moments she stared at him through those thick glasses that magnified her blue eyes. "Are you sure?"

He folded his arms across his chest. Was he sure? "Yeah," he answered. "I'm real sure."

Regina's shoulders sagged under the weight of her disappointment. "I'm sorry to hear that. You would have been a good match for Tiffer."

A good match for a drag queen? This was getting out of hand, and it was beginning to annoy him now.

"Regina, do you know who started this horrible rumor?" Grace asked.

"I'm not sure. Iona told me, but I don't know where she heard it." She turned to the knot of people standing a few feet behind them. "Iona," she called out, "where'd you hear the rumor about Grace's boy being gay?"

As one, the cluster of people surrounding Stanley turned and looked at Rob. He felt like there was a spotlight on him, and for the first time since hearing the gossip, his temper flared. At this point, he didn't particularly care who'd started the rumor. He just wanted it to stop before it got out of hand. Before he got jumped by a bunch of rednecks out to prove something-not that he couldn't take care of himself.

"I heard it the day when I was getting my hair done at the Curl Up and Dye. Ada told me. I don't know where she heard it, though."

Ada put a bony finger to her thin lips, and after a few moments of thought, she announced, "Stanley's granddaughter said you was gay."

All eyes turned to Kate. She didn't seem to notice until she set down her empty punch cup and glanced up. "What?"

"It was you."

Kate licked the punch from her lips and looked at everyone looking at her. They were staring as if she'd done something evil. Yeah, she'd had a few glasses of punch. So what? She needed it after suffering though a night of bad poetry and Rob Sutter. He'd tricked her into smiling at him, and he was so big and took up so much room that she'd had to hunch her shoulders to keep from rubbing against him. Now her neck hurt. That was worth a glass or two of punch.

"What?" she asked again as everyone continued to stare at her. What was everyone's problem? She'd left some punch in the bowl. "What did I do?"

"You're the one who first said Grace's son was gay."

"Me?" She sucked in a breath. "I did not!"

"Yes you did. You were ringing up my cling peaches and you said he doesn't like women."

Kate thought back and barely remembered a conversation she'd had with Ada about the owner of the sporting goods store across the parking lot from the M &S. "Wait a minute here." She held up one hand. "I didn't know who you were talking about. I'd never met Mr. Sutter."

The lift of his brow called her a liar.

"I swear," she swore. "I didn't know she was talking about you." The look in his green eyes told her that he didn't believe her.

"That's not right starting a rumor about someone you don't know," Iona admonished, as if Kate had broken some gossiping rule. Which was just insane. Everyone knew there was only one rule to gossiping, and that was if you weren't in the room, you were fair game.

"Katie," her grandfather said while he shook his head, "you shouldn't start rumors."

"I didn't!" She knew she hadn't started anything, but by the look on everyone's face, no one believed her. "Fine. Think what you want," she said as she stuck her arms into her coat. She was innocent. If anything, she thought Rob was impotent, not gay.

This was crazy. She was being chastised for being a gossipmonger in a town that thrived on gossip. She didn't understand these people.

Her gaze moved from Rob, who looked as if he'd like to strangle her, to the rest of those in the grange. They might look somewhat normal, but they weren't. If she wasn't careful, she might become one of them.

Just another cashew in a town of mixed nuts.