The Warrior Enchained

7

Sunrise found us already on our way, our line spread out along the road in a casual manner, no one worried by thoughts of what we might come across. Tammad’s l’lendaa sat their seetarr with confidence, tall and strong and assured, knowing there was very little on the planet that might stand up to them. The seetarr they rode were equally imposing, very large beasts all of black, stiff, bristly manes and tails, shiny, short-haired coats, minds more alert than most beasts of burden. Tammad’s big male had remembered me immediately, and his enormous head had reached down to poke at me as soon as I was close enough, his deep rumble an attempt to soothe the disturbance he could feel in me. I’d stroked his nose to show appreciation for the attempt, but my mood had stayed the way it was. At that point it would have taken considerably more than a seetar’s interest to comfort me.

I’d awakened in the dark of predawn that morning feeling absolutely terrible, and it hadn’t taken long to dredge up a reason for the feeling. The night before the barbarian had gotten everything he’d wanted from me, up to and including the sharing of my emotions. After everything I’d said, after all the resolves I’d made—I’d still given him whatever he’d wanted. I’d hated and despised myself then and had tried to slip out of the furs to leave the tent, but my first movement had awakened Tammad, ending all thoughts of escape. The barbarian had been filled with satisfaction, and had taken me in his arms to kiss me, only then discovering the silent tears that wet my cheeks. He wiped them away with a gentle apology for any pain he might have given me, but it hadn’t been the way he’d lost himself the night before that had caused the tears. It was true he had hurt me then, but I had hurt me more.

After a fast breakfast and a stowing of gear, we were ready to go. I was ordered up behind Tammad and Gay King rode behind Loddar, but Garth and Len were given seetarr of their own. Len, reaching the mind of his mount, relaxed at once, but Garth took considerably longer to get comfortable. Len sat proudly in the blue haddin he’d been given to replace his own clothes, Garth retained his kilt with a sense of accomplishment, and Gay King wore a comfortable one-piece jumper of pale green from the luggage she’d been allowed to keep. I wore a fresh imad and caldin supplied by the barbarian—of the same pink as the first outfit. Tammad enjoyed seeing me in pink, and couldn’t understand why the gift had darkened my already bleak silence even further.

The day grew warm and beautiful, the sun rising to bring life back into the land, the air like silken perfume, the blue sky, the green trees—absolutely horrible. Everything and everyone around me was happy and satisfied, pleased with the world and glad to be alive; I was the only dark spot in the sunshine, and it was very frustrating. I simply did not want to be where I was, but could see no way out of the trap. As long as Tammad was satisfied with me—and there was no denying that—then I was stuck and stuck good. I’d even tried casually wandering away that morning, but Kennan and Loddar and a couple of other l’lendaa just happened to turn up directly in my path. I knew they’d been watching me after seeing their denday’s expansive satisfaction, but I hadn’t realized just how closely until they turned me back toward the camtahh with wide grins and a smack on the bottom from Loddar. I was half hoping they’d tell on me—anything to dent the barbarian’s satisfaction—but no such luck. They liked the frame of mind Tammad was in and weren’t about to do anything to change it.

Riding along the road that way quickly grew very boring. I sat behind Tammad on his seetar, my fingers in his swordbelt to keep me from sliding off, seeing nothing past that big body but the limited view to either side of him which wasn’t very appealing. My mind, looking for distraction, stumbled into Garth’s, who rode a short distance away from us up ahead. I couldn’t see him, but I could certainly feel the frantic way his mind was working, probably in an effort to distract him from his worries and uncertainties. Len had started out riding next to him, but not much time had passed before my brother empath had moved out of range to spare himself the mental clamor. I could feel Len about fifty feet back, chatting with two of the l’lendaa, happy as a child on a trip day in Tallion City.

I don’t know exactly when the idea touched me, but suddenly I knew the true meaning of temptation. While growing up I had never been allowed to experiment with my talent, and there had been enough weak empaths around to make sure I followed the rules. I had been stronger than my guardians and teachers almost from the first, but they didn’t have to be able to stop me—only tell that I was doing something wrong. They’d waited until the first time I broke Rule One—the rule covering experimentation—and then had put me in a Silent Room. I was only in there a couple of hours, but being in a shielded area at such a young age seemed the equivalent of full sensory deprivation to me. I’d started to cry and then had kept on crying until they’d let me out, then had eagerly promised never to break Rule One again. It was a lot of years since I’d even considered it, but the realization finally came that my teachers were too far behind me to catch me again.

My body was lulled by the smooth stride of Tammad’s seetar, but my mind was fully alert. I reached out to Garth’s mind again and watched him, waiting until the gamut of emotions crossed uncertainty. I grabbed the uncertainty and held onto it, increased it enough to make it stand out from the other emotions, then held it in the front of his mind where he’d be sure to notice it. No more than seconds went by before he was supporting the emotion himself, his mind darting around looking for a reason for the feeling. I didn’t want dear sweet Garth to suffer when no reason appeared, so I supplied a reason: the seetar he rode. Reaching the seetar was easier than reaching Garth, and all it took was the suggestion that the male beast might be getting too old for riding to make it toss its head and snort and suddenly pick up speed. I hadn’t transmitted a picture—merely a string of emotional responses with doubt heading the list—but the seetar hadn’t had any trouble understanding my meaning. I transmitted; the seetar reacted—and Garth shifted from uncertainty to panic.

“Hey, slow down there!” his voice came, a tightness in it saying he was trying not to show fear. “Take it easy, boy, take it easy!”

“Are you in difficulty?” Tammad called ahead to him, his mind suddenly ready to move forward quickly. “Do you require assistance?”

“No, I think it’s all right now,” his answer floated back, obvious determination in it. “I’ll just have to keep a closer watch on this fellow.”

“Very well,” Tammad agreed, his mind wavering in uncertainty. He was probably trying to decide whether, or not to have someone ride next to Garth, but he quickly decided against it. Under normal circumstances Garth would have resented the gesture of protection, but at that point Garth wasn’t resenting anything. He was too busy centering all his attention on the animal he rode, too distracted to think or worry about anything else. It would be a considerable time before be rid himself of the uncertainty, but at least nothing else was bothering him.

It occurred to me then to check on Len, to see if he’d noticed anything, but a quick scan showed nothing but faint curiosity over what was going on with Garth. Len was apparently too far back to detect my experimentation, but there was no sense in taking further chances. Circumstances dictated that Len himself would be my next subject, to make sure he continued to miss what was happening.

Len had returned to satisfied conversation with the l’lenda on his right, the second l’lenda, on his left, paying only occasional attention to what was being said. Len’s mind wasn’t shifting around through emotions, but it didn’t have to be. Len was an empath, considerably more sensitive than the people around him, and considerably more open to suggestion. I watched passively a considerable time, but every time the l’lenda on the left turned his attention to the conversation, I deftly made Len more aware of it. Shortly after I started with Len, I also began on the l’lenda, brushing his mind with amusement and laughter, heightening the emotions when he turned his attention to the conversation. After another short while I began with the l’lenda on the right, who was in a happy, lighthearted mood, probably because he was finally starting home. Subtly, cloudlike, I increased the happiness and lightheartedness to joviality and amusement, carefully working around Len’s awareness, never imposing or changing, only heightening. Len was aware of every change and shift, of course, but my efforts weren’t gross enough to bring themselves to his attention. He wasn’t expecting anything to be going on, so he simply didn’t notice it.

By the time Len began wondering why his companions were amused, I had already finished with those a bit farther away from him. They, too, shared an amusement, and I could feel Len’s frown as he shifted from mind to mind, trying to figure out what was so funny. Len being Len, the conclusion I wanted him to draw didn’t surface for quite some time. Len was tall and strong, not quite as large as the l’lendaa, but as close to them as an Amalgamation man was likely to be. He looked bigger and stronger yet in the haddin and swordbelt he’d been given, broad-shouldered and deep-chested and very handsome—but he wasn’t used to dressing in that fashion. A man who is used to being covered all over with cloth can’t help but feel some doubt when be strips to a body cloth, even if he’s pleased to do it. When the thought finally came that possibly he was the source of amusementshown by an increase in doubt and a decrease in self-assurance and confidence—I immediately puffed on the feeling, making it stronger without letting him see the boost. His mind followed the trail I’d begun, reinforcing the emotions unconsciously and automatically, letting me withdraw as his suspicion became a certainty. As an empath, Len should have known better than to believe that something was true because he was sure it was true, but Len was also a human being with human frailty. When he reached the point of being afraid it was true, he was already convinced.

I watched the silence Len lapsed into for a while then withdrew completely, satisfied with the way he was engrossing himself more and more with private thoughts. His sensing ability was drawn in close around his mind like a shield, unwilling to touch the minds around him for fear of what be would find, and that was just the way I wanted him. If he wasn’t watching he couldn’t pick up what I was doing, and be and Garth both were considerably more attractive as they were than as they had been the day before. The last thing they were currently concerned with was helpless females.

I rested for the next few minutes, letting my mind gather strength again, then went on to the next subject on my list. Loddar rode not ten feet away from us, on the left and somewhat behind, Kennan riding next to him. He’d started out feeling proud that Tammad had asked him to take care of Gay King, but pride goeth before a fall-of resistance if nothing else. Gay had been indignant over the “crude method of transportation” and had tried to balk at being included as a rider, but l’lendaa are infamous for their lack of indulgence of female whimsy. Gay had been lifted off the ground and seated on Loddar’s saddle fur, and once his seetar began moving she’d quickly circled his waist with her arms, frightened at the thought of falling off.

Now, many an Amalgamation man would have had no problem ignoring a beautiful woman clinging to him for hours, pressing her breasts into his bare back, breathing on his skin, but Loddar wasn’t an Amalgamation man, he was a Rimilian. He had enjoyed the sight of Gay from the first moment he saw her, and a Rimilian male’s enjoyment isn’t a cerebral thing. After hours of riding her behind him he had taken to trying to distract his mind and senses, cursing the fact that he would not allow himself to ask for her use. If his own woman had been traveling with them. he would have bad a considerably easier time.

As it was, working on his desires was child’s play. His emotions were hooked so directly into his physical reactions that stimulating one meant an immediate stimulation of the second. Fifteen minutes of work had him suffering intensely, his body stiff and rigidly under control, sweat on his brow, a trembling in his hands. He wasn’t about to shame himself by showing how he felt, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling it. A vivid picture of Gay King stripped naked clung to his mind, sending flashes of intense desire through his body, causing even more sweat to break out on him. I made sure the picture would stay with him for some time, then moved on to Kennan.

By the time we stopped to have lunch, I had reached almost everyone in our party. The men were withdrawn and either silent or snarling, the women were jealous, surly and uncooperative, and the male guests were feeling their alienness and out-of-placeness. I hadn’t bothered with Gay King—who couldn’t have cared less about anything but her own comfort—or Tammad, who was having trouble understanding why his people were acting the way they were, but I hadn’t forgotten about them. I was trying to think of something really fitting for Gay, but right after we were back on the road it was Tammad’s turn.

The barbarian hadn’t been pleased with the way his men had behaved toward him and each other during lunch, having had to stop three arguments that were just about to become sword matters. His mind had been a blur of deep thoughts and planning during the morning’s ride, but distractions during the afternoon kept pulling him away from it. The more his annoyance grew, the more I slipped in a “what’s the use?” feeling of defeat and wasted time, working as carefully as I had with Len. Len would have been angry to find out my manipulations, but Len’s anger couldn’t hold a candle to Tammad’s. The barbarian had very deep drives to do and win, and I became curious to see how far I could drive him from his original purposes. If I drove him far enough, he just might turn around and take me back to the embassy.

It was still early afternoon when we stopped to make camp, and by then Tammad’s depression had grown so heavy it was like a black cloud pressing down on his mind, spreading and gathering force every minute. For a long while he had tried fighting it, tried convincing himself he was wrong to feel that way, but depression is insidious and hard to fight. He had begun to probe deep within himself, probably reexamining his purposes and aims, and had almost forgotten I was there.

Once all the tents had been put up, Tammad sat down in the grass in front of his pavilion to continue his soul-searching. Garth and Len showed up and quietly seated themselves not far from him, needing support and encouragement that they weren’t consciously aware of, ignorant of the fact that they weren’t about to get it. I sat in the grass a small distance away from them, watching clinically, seeing the depression the other two men had also developed. I wondered how far I could go maintaining them in their attitudes before they tried suicide, then wondered if it would be possible to keep them from suicide once they decided on it. I was sure I could, but I really had no intentions of allowing the experiment to go that far. There’s a strange sense of power in controlling the people around you, a power that would be lost if the people themselves were lost.

I had just noticed a frowning lack of understanding in Len, an emotion that had popped up suddenly, when Gay abruptly returned from the walk she had been taking. Her mind showed boredom and annoyance, boredom over having nothing to do, annoyance that people weren’t fussing over her and pampering her. She stopped a few steps behind the three men sitting in silence, stared at them for a moment, then stepped forward to take her place in the middle of the line they’d made.

“I have never in my life experienced such boredom,” she announced as she folded gracefully to the ground. “I was told this trip would be an adventure, but so far it’s more flop than fun. Aren’t any of you going to do anything?”

“What did you have in mind?” Len asked sardonically. “Right now I can’t even muster interest in the thought of raping Terry.”

“Maybe she’s volunteering to take Terry’s place,” Garth put in after talking a deep breath. Their comments offended me at once but I was more annoyed at their attempts to throw off the depression. “For my own part, I’ll have to go along with Tammad: accept no substitutes.”

“Why don’t you try raising Tammad’s interest again?” Len suggested, finally turning to look at the fury in Gay’s eyes. “That would give you something to do, and at the same time save Terry the effort. I understand she needs to conserve her strength for the part you’re not up to.”

“You repulsive mind-crawler!” Gay snarled. “The least you can be sure of is that you’ll never find out personally what part I am and am not up to! And as far as that-that-backward female you call Terry is concerned, she’ll never see the day she can best me at anything! Do you hear me, you silly little moist-eyed wimp? You belong in a place like this, serving your betters! Even the sight of you makes me sick!”

She was practically frothing as she looked at me, up on her knees with her fists clenched, spitting hatred and fury from mind and mouth alike. As furious as she was, I wasn’t far behind, and I stormed erect even as Tammad, Len and Garth roused themselves far enough to get ready to break up a fight.

“So I make you sick, do I?” I spat back, clenching my own fists as I glared at her. “So I’m a wimp, am I? Well, wimp this!”

Gay herself had told me exactly what she deserved, and I didn’t hesitate feeding it to her. I sent waves of nausea rolling at her, the sort of feeling accompanied by dizziness and sweating and uncontrollable heaves. The emotion describing the feeling was a complex one, but I had it put together and on its way in a matter of seconds. I was so angry I didn’t care what I did to her, but I was so angry I also didn’t pay attention to the spread of the wave. Gay went instantly pale and began to bend forward in helpless paroxysm, but even before she began, Len was already retching, emptying himself of everything he’d ingested, Garth and Tammad not far behind him. I hadn’t thought I’d spread the effect to include all of them, but then again I really didn’t care. They all thought of me as something to be ignored when not being used, and I was sick of it and them. People began hurrying over from all over the camp, anxious, concerned people ready to help. I watched the four victims of my anger for another minute, partially blocking out the sickness and disgust coming from their minds as their bodies spasmed, then turned and walked away.

Late afternoon should be a lazy, quiet time, but I was feeling too exhilarated and happy to want a quiet time. I walked to the part of the camp where the seetarr were tied and found a tree to lean against, then sent a triumphant gaze to the blue sky floating above the leaves. I had beaten them all, made them all feel as small and helpless as I usually did—or at least as I used to feel. I had lashed out at them in anger and I had made them know I was stronger, made them know what it was like to be pushed around! And I could do more, I knew I could do more, all I had to do was practice.

I sat down at the base of the tree and wrapped my arms around my knees, thinking about what I wanted to practice at. Considering the way most people made decisions, controlling their minds wasn’t nearly as good as controlling their emotions. Very few people can be honestly objective about a decision, especially if one side of the decision “feels” wrong. Side A may be the only practical way of doing whatever they want to do, but side B can be more pleasant, adventurous, financially rewarding, more easily achieved, or shorter in duration. The lure of side B usually overcomes the benefits in side A, and all because of emotional reasons. Making one thing appear more attractive than another was child’s play, so easy that it took almost no effort. I could—And then I stopped, immediately returning to the concept of effort. It had always been an effort for me to project, something that drained my energy in no time at all. I sat back against the tree again and examined my physical resources, very much surprised that I wasn’t flat on the ground from exhaustion. Thinking about it showed how tired I really was, but the tiredness was a far cry from being completely drained. I was growing in strength as well as in ability, and all I had to do was sit and rest for a while to bring myself back to where I’d

“There she is,” a voice came, a rough voice under strict control. “Sitting and enjoying the view after making us lose half our insides. A good job well done.”

I jerked my head around at the sharp bitterness in Garth’s voice, seeing him standing with Len and Tammad less than ten feet away. I was only just beginning to be able to detect their emotions, undoubtedly due to the way I’d drained much of my strength. Len and Garth looked terrible, the emotions coming from them matching perfectly, but Tammad only looked angry; as soon as he got closer, though, I changed that description to furious. They stopped about a foot away and stared down at me, and I felt a sudden need to say something.

“I really didn’t mean to include you three in on that,” I told them, resting my head back against the tree as I looked up at them. “You ought to be more careful of the company you keep.”

“That’s very amusing,” Len said, trying to stand straighter. “You have a great sense of humor, Terry—and don’t feel the slightest trace of guilt.”

“I don’t see a need for guilt,” I answered, the hardness in all their thoughts beginning to make me uneasy. “It was an accident that the wave caught you three, not something done on purpose. Why should I feel guilty?”

“How about for the way you’ve been manipulating people all day?” Len demanded, his handsome face twisting in anger. “Well, well, now I can see the guilt, but only a small flash, not very impressive. You’re not sorry about what you did, only sorry that you got caught.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I snapped, moving my back away from the tree. “And with a talent like yours, I doubt if you know, either!”

“That was unnecessary, Terry,” Garth put in as Len reddened and stiffened in insult. “Len’s talent may not be as strong as yours, but he’s strong enough to know when people have been twisted around. When we stopped to think about it, we found that almost all of us have been touched—even Tammad.”

My eyes were immediately and irresistibly drawn to the barbarian, who stood to the left of the others, his arms folded across his chest, his fury still under his control but also still growing. He hadn’t said a word yet, but that didn’t mean he was unconcerned.

“Well, why shouldn’t I touch you?” I stormed, glaring at all of them as I got to my feet. “You three get a lot of fun out of pushing me around, but you don’t like it as much when I start pushing back, do you? If you three can do what you like with me, I can do the same with you!”

“No,” Tammad said, the single word overriding the protest coming from the other two. “The picture you show with your words is a false one, a thing designed to justify evil, and I will not accept it.”

He unfolded his arms and moved closer to me, the anger coming from him strong enough to make the other two men retreat a step. I retreated too, back up against the tree, but he was still much too close.

“You feel yourself badly treated,” he said, his words as harsh as his eyes were hard. “And yet, that which was done to you was done with your full knowledge, allowing you to resist as best you might. We, ourselves, were not accorded this privilege, instead being attacked in cowardly fashion, from a direction invisible to us. This was not the treatment received by you at our hands.”

“You sound so damned sanctimonious,” I said, frightened but unable to hold the words back. “Do you really think it makes any difference whether or not I can see what you’re doing to me? How am I supposed to stop you, any of you? I’m as helpless as a child against your strength, just as you’re helpless against my talent. It’s an even trade, damn it, an even trade!”

“No,” he said again, this time shaking his head. “Should we give you discomfort or pain, it is an unfortunate occurrence in our attempts to aid you to happiness. The same does not hold true for your attempts. You seek only to avenge that which need not have been, had you only been willing to heed and believe in that which was told you. When I took you as my woman, I wished only to share the happiness brought me by your presence. I now find there is no longer happiness to share.”

“That isn’t true,” I whispered, my voice ragged because of my attempts to hold the tears back. “You weren’t trying to share happiness with me, you were trying to force it on me. And I don’t care if you don’t like this side of me. If you want the dagger, you have to take both edges.”

“But one need not be cut on either edge,” he said as Len stirred and got ready to come closer. “Your displeasure was with me. It should not have reached out to give pain to others. It is primarily this for which you will be punished.”

“No!” I cried as he wrapped his hand around my arm, cutting off whatever Len had been about to say, cutting into Garth’s exclamation of surprise. Pulling against his grip was worse than useless, as the effort caused him to tighten his hold. I cried out again as he pulled me back toward his pavilion, finding it as impossible to touch his mind as it was to deny the strength of his body. I was too tired from the projection to reach him, his anger too thick to work through. I was dragged stumbling and struggling back to his pavilion, amid knots of angry, glowering people, pulled inside, then roughly relieved of the imad and caldin. I ranted even as I shivered in the warm air, trying to tell him how wrong he was, but one look at the switch took all the words away. I backed away across the fur as he came closer, shaking my head, too well aware of how determined he was, then backed into the drape which divided the pavilion. Drowning in panic, I jerked the drape up and half fell behind it, trying to find a way out, but there was none. He found me again even as I tried to scramble past him, began beating me even. as I begged him not to. I didn’t want to be punished, it wasn’t fair that he punish me when nobody punished him, but that didn’t stop the beating. He switched me until I cried, until I projected my pain and fear, until I tried frantically to make him believe I was sorry. At that point I was sorry, desperately sorry, and he finally seemed to be satisfied. He left me crying hysterically in my furs, straightened the drape, then sat himself down in the front half of the pavilion.

It was a long time before the sobbing quieted down enough to let me do more than know how much I ached. Even the warm, gentle furs touching me hurt, but I found that the beating had somehow clarified and illuminated exactly what I’d done so that I understood it. As a child I hadn’t understood what experimenting with people meant, but as an adult I should have known better than to let the poison get a hold on me. Sure I could control people and sure it was easy—as long as no one found out about what I was doing. The anger of the other people in the camp was a really frightening thing, and I’d forgotten all about that part of it until I’d been dragged through it. The switching seemed to have rubbed my nose in the truth—the truth that I might have been hit with rocks and fists for what I bad done instead of just getting switched. I shivered as the thrill of fear increased, sending me a picture of my body lying on the ground instead of in warm, comfortable furs, broken and bloody and lifeless instead of throbbing painfully from a beating given in punishment. Whether he knew it or not, Tammad had saved my life again, and I stirred in the furs, wanting to go to him, but I couldn’t go to him and pride had nothing to do with it. Where the barbarian was concerned I had very little pride left, and if I went to him I would beg him to hold me and comfort me—a luxury I couldn’t afford to indulge in. He still wanted nothing more than my talent, and I couldn’t live with that. If I went to him I would begin wanting to please him again, and that would be the end of me.

I was left alone so long I fell asleep, and when I awakened the evening meal was ready—along with the rest of my punishment. Garth, Len and Gay had joined Tammad in the front of his pavilion, and I was made to serve and apologize to each of Tammad’s guests individually—without my imad and caldin. I was told to begin with Gay and I did so, burning with embarrassment, but I should have been watching her emotions rather than my own. I was expecting nothing more than scorn and humiliation from her, but when I extended her bowl of food and opened my mouth to apologize, she shrank back in fear before a single word was spoken. Her green eyes were wide and terror-filled, her skin was pale, and her mind was on the verge of being paralyzed with fear. It was clear she hadn’t come into the pavilion voluntarily, and I did some shrinking back myself from the deep revulsion and horror she projected. Len turned to her with concern on his face, his mind trying to soothe hers, but before he could break through the emotional barrier she had erected, she jumped to her feet, looked around wildly, then raced out of the tent.

“I don’t think I blame her,” Garth said with a sigh as I stared at the tent flap feeling worse than I had earlier. “She hadn’t realized that Terry was a Prime, or she wouldn’t have said what she did. She’s always been afraid of empaths, but on Central they’re neutralized—and very few of them are Primes. Insulting Len didn’t bother her, but Terry—who is female as well as being a Prime—is another story. Apparently she doesn’t trust other females as far as she can spit.”

“I see,” Tammad said, and his quiet anger made me cringe. “Though she is mistaken in fearing one who has been taught regret through punishment, words alone will not convince her of her error. Actions are necessary to so convince her, and actions she will have. Continue with your serving, wenda.”

With his last words I turned to find all their eyes on me, their minds nothing like Gay’s had been. Len and Garth, who sat to Tammad’s left, were eagerly anticipating my service and apology. Their eyes moved over me in a way that instantly made my entire body burn red with humiliation; a reaction that the barbarian found pleasantly satisfying. I took a tighter grip on the bowl I held and moved toward Len, but he looked up at me and made a gesture.

“If you please, Terry, I prefer having my apologies tendered from knee height,” he said, grinning. “They seem more sincere that way.”

I immediately looked in outrage toward Tammad, positive he’d never give his support to so barbarous a concept, but the sudden amusement in his mind and eyes clearly showed he liked the idea. Bitterly, I waited for him to add his own gesture to Len’s, but the second gesture never came, making the situation even worse. It was Len I was to obey, a man of my own world, a man who was taking great pleasure in ordering a woman around for the first time in his life. Miserably and still with bitterness I lowered myself to my knees, making sure I avoided Len’s gaze completely.

“I am ordered to ask you to accept my apologies along with your meal,” I said in a monotone, extending the bowl with my eyes on my knees. “I shouldn’t have done what I did and I’m sorry.”

For a long moment Len didn’t say anything, then his hand came to my chin and raised my face toward his.

“If you really are sorry, I think you can make that apology a little more personal,” he said quietly, his mind calm with the decision to accept nothing but what satisfied him completely. “Make me believe what you say, Terry, or I won’t accept it.”

I swallowed hard, shocked to discover that the calm was well on the way to becoming a part of him. There was no more than a vestige left in him of concern over gentlemanly conduct, of worry over being pleasing and acceptable to women. His mind bad been encouraged to shape itself to match those around it, and the process was nearly complete.

“Len, please,” I whispered, mortified at the way his mind considered me. “You know bow I...”

“No,” he interrupted, slowly shaking his head. “I don’t want to know. I want to hear it.”

I swallowed again, terribly aware of being naked in front of him, hating the idea of what I had to do.

“Len, I really am sorry,” I whispered, wishing he would let my chin go. “I was wrong to try experimenting with people, and I was even more wrong not to care what I did to them. It never occurred to me how foolish and dangerous it was—and that I was forcing you to share that danger. Even if you don’t forgive me, I won’t stop being sorry.”

I had put it all into words, and the look in his light eyes showed he knew it. He nodded slowly, as though in answer to a question I hadn’t been allowed to hear, then turned his head toward the barbarian.

“It seems you were right,” he said with something of a smile. “Punishment does encourage a woman to think more clearly. Do I have your permission to take a liberty?”

Tammad nodded, curious as to what Len was going to do, but he didn’t stay curious long. As soon as Len had the permission he wanted, his hand left my chin to move strongly between my thighs.

“Don’t drop that bowl, Terry!” Len ordered sternly as I gasped and straightened, trying to escape the unexpected invasion of his touch. “And settle back down again, just the way you were. I have a story to tell you I don’t think you’ve heard before.”

His eyes and mind revealed an anger he hadn’t allowed himself to feel earlier, one that forced me to obey totally against my will. I slowly settled down on my heels again, biting my lip against the way he was touching me, feeling as though my hands were chained to the bowl I held. I stared at him wide-eyed, almost afraid of what he would say, miserable that he had allowed himself to change so far that he didn’t care whether or not I wanted to be touched like that. He wanted to touch me like that, and that was all that was important to him.

“Do you remember Williams Enright?” he asked, watching my eyes as he spoke. “Bill was a good friend of mine before he died, and I spent a lot of time at his house, sharing his hobby. Bill was a history buff, and he got me involved in it too, the tracking down of ancient volumes, buying private diaries of obscure periods, authenticating letters describing historical events that didn’t jibe with generally accepted knowledge, that sort of thing. Bill knew I was an empath, of course, but lie also knew what it meant to be unawakened, so when he gave me a wrapped up gift just before I left on one of my assignments I was puzzled, but once I was keyed awake and began reading the gift, I understood completely.

“The gift was a personal diary from the period before Central took charge of all empaths, their raising, training—and conditioning. We all know there was trouble between the general populace and those hell-sent, twisted spawn-of-darkness empaths, but none of us knew any of the details—until I read that diary.”

Len paused, as though he wanted to sigh, but the churning in his mind didn’t allow it.

“The writer of the diary was an obscure Neighborhood Chairman whose name I forget,” he continued. “His Neighborhood wasn’t all that far from Tallion City, and the diary was boring squared—until some of his people captured four empaths, two male, two female. The empaths had been trying to reach State House where they’d have a chance to be protected, but they never made it. Somehow—and no reason was given—they were discovered to be empaths, and that was the end of the line for them.

“The diary describes days of argument and disagreement, but only over what was to be done with the scum; no one suggested turning them loose or even turning them over to the Peacemen. The Neighborhood Chairman held out for doing things his way, and finally everyone came around and agreed to go along with it. They took the two male empaths and castrated them, then dug a large hole underneath one of the houses and put them in it, chaining them to rings set in the ground and welding them into the chains. The females were chained in the same way to the opposite wall, and then the male members of the Neighborhood began visiting them. They were raped for hours, days, until they were half-dead from the number of men who took them, until both of them were incontrovertably pregnant. They were all carefully kept alive until the women’s pregnancies were over and they’d delivered their babies—and then those babies were killed, hacked to pieces in their mothers’ arms. The next day the men showed up to start the rounds all over again, but they were wasting their time. The women were stark, staring mad, one of them catatonic, and the men had managed to commit suicide by hanging themselves in their chains. The Neighborhood people were disappointed, but all they could do was cut the throats of the women, bury all four bodies, and fondly remember a good job well done. They didn’t like either of the dagger’s edges, you see, so they sheathed the dagger in their own way.”

I knelt rock-still with my eyes closed, sure I was going to be sick. Len had sent his own feelings along with the story, and it was all too much. I had never been so shocked and sickened in my life, which had surely been his purpose.

“The same thing could have happened to you, Terry,” he persisted, his voice grating at my ears. “Invaded men do invading of their own, and usually not as gently as I’m doing. You’re a Prime; do you think you could stop men from doing that to you?”

I shook my head spasmodically, shuddering, nearly spilling the stew out of the bowl. I’d die if it happened, but I could never stop it.

“I hope you really have learned your lesson,” he said, finally taking his hand away from me. “Once you get over the shock of hearing that story, don’t let yourself begin believing it could never happen here and to you. My share of the pogrom would be the easy share; yours wouldn’t.

I felt his hand at the bowl, trying to take it away from me, but I was clutching it so tightly he couldn’t do it. My eyes were still closed tight and my breathing was so hard and ragged I was nearly sobbing, feeling even more frightened than I’d felt when a predator of that world had launched itself at me. Len was gently trying to pry my fingers loose when I suddenly let go, threw myself to my feet, and ran to Tammad. I didn’t realize that his arms were open and waiting for me until I was already huddled against him, held tight to his chest as I shuddered and cried. I hadn’t wanted to go to him that way but Len had given me no choice, sending me to Tammad’s arms as surely as though he had dragged me there by main force. Satisfaction was all around me, mostly from Tammad but also from Garth and Len, who shouldn’t have cared as much. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I found myself choking out over and over again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, please, I’m sorry!” and Tammad murmuring back that he knew and it was all right. It wasn’t all right, but I was too miserable to argue the point.

When I was finally over most of the hysterics, I was sent to apologize to Garth in the same way I had apologized to Len. I couldn’t believe Garth would make me do it after what I’d gone through, but his mind was as firmly determined as Len’s had been. I knelt in front of him, sniffled out my apology, then gave him what had by them most probably become ice-cold stew. He took the bowl reluctantly, told me he didn’t think much of my apology, then sent me back to Tammad, who looked at me with sober disappointment before asking for his own bowl. I brought the bowl with brand-new tears glistening in my eyes, but none of them seemed interested in my tears any longer. They sat and talked as they ate, ignoring me completely, not even noticing when I crept to the drape and huddled against it and the tent wall. Their minds said they didn’t think much of me, and I really couldn’t blame them. After what I had done, I didn’t think much of me either.

They took their time finishing their meal, Len and Garth asking questions about Rimilia, Tammad answering them. They’d all purposely overlooked the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything, and I was very grateful. One word from Tammad and I would have stuffed down whatever they gave me, but it would undoubtedly have come right back up again. I lay curled up in a ball in the corner made by the drape and the wall, glad to be left alone for a while but wishing they would hurry up and finish. I had to talk to Tammad alone, to try explaining to him why I’d done what I had. I really didn’t understand it yet myself, but it had to do with being lonely and feeling unwanted and not fitting in anywhere. I didn’t know what good explaining would do, especially after the way I’d run to him, but I wanted him to understand why I couldn’t stay. He was trying to build a bright, new world, and didn’t need anyone around who would bring it crashing down on his head. Even if he didn’t particularly care about me, I could no longer deny what I felt for him.

The meal wound down the way all meals do, but just as they were standing up to part company another visitor arrived. I grabbed the drape and held it in front of me as Loddar came in, nodding to Len and Garth as he stopped in front of Tammad.

“Denday, you sent for me?” Loddar asked, his mind faintly curious. “Is there a service I might do for you?”

“Indeed,” the barbarian smiled, putting a hand on the l’lenda’s shoulder. “I am told, Loddar, that your ride this day was a most uncomfortable one, due entirely to the efforts of another. You were also told this?”

“Aye, denday,” he nodded, a sour annoyance immediately touching him. “Though any man is at times familiar with such feelings, increasing them when there is no opportunity for relief is a low act, fit only for one who has not the courage to attack openly. Had the wenda been mine, her punishment would have been more complete.”

“Then perhaps you would care to complete her punishment,” the barbarian said, turning to look at me and drawing Loddar’s eyes with him. “Her use is yours for this darkness, Loddar, in payment for what was done to you.”

Loddar’s eyes gleamed as his mind filled with satisfaction to come, paying no attention to the way I shook my head and shrank back farther behind the drape. Tammad knew how I hated being given to other l’lendaa, but he was doing it anyway just to add to my misery. I could see he was trying is make the lesson as unforgettable as possible, but for me it was already beyond unforgettable. I squirmed the rest of the way behind the drape and crawled away from it, looking for my clothes before remembering they were still in a heap in the front of the pavilion. There was nothing left to do but crawl into my furs and pull them over my head and pretend no one would find me like that; I didn’t want to be just sitting there when Loddar came after me.

It didn’t take very long for Loddar to do the expected, but not all of what he did came under the same heading. Five minutes after I had buried myself in furs, two hands touched me through them, the mind behind the hands chuckling in amusement. Loddar was just making sure I was in the pile of furs before taking the next step, and that was the part that came as a surprise. Instead of pulling me out of the furs and giving me my clothes, he lifted me, furs and all, and threw me over his shoulder. I howled and beat at his back, knowing he was going to take me out of there with nothing but the furs around me, and that’s just what he did. Tammad, Garth and Len grinned as I was carried past them clutching the bottom fur to my chin, but their grins turned to out and out laughter when the top fur was pulled away from me entirely! I lay on one fur over Loddar’s broad shoulder, my bands holding to it with a death grip, his left arm circling my knees—but nothing else covering me! I howled even louder at the laughter coming from the people we passed and struggled to get loose, but what chance did I have against a l’lenda? And even if I did get loose, where would I go without clothes? Loddar laughed heartily at my frantic yelp when his big hand slowly stroked my bottom, but it was only the beginning of his exacting payment in full. His usual broad stride had become no more than a stroll, to allow everyone in camp to see what be carried, but we reached his camtah sooner than I thought we would. When he bent under the verandah to carry me inside I discovered I wasn’t ready—not for anything and especially not for paying a debt—but that didn’t make much difference on Rimilia. Loddar threw me on top of his own furs, quickly removed his swordbelt and haddin, and was down beside me before I had fought my way loose from the covering fur he had stood himself on. As he took me in his arms he let himself remember and acknowledge the raging need I had aroused in him earlier that day, his body and mind bursting into a flame so strong it nearly lit the darkness we lay in. I whimpered and tried to send. him my fear, but his lips cut off the whimper and his mind refused to hear the fear. My body still ached from the beating Tammad had given me, but that didn’t make any difference to him either. He crushed me to him, running his hands all over me, then put me beneath him to take everything I owed—and then some.