The Warrior Rearmed

8

All the thinking I’d done before falling asleep hadn’t solved any of my problems, but waking up certainly brought me a new one. I squirmed and moaned against a hard, broad body even before my eyes opened, wondering if I was dreaming, miserable to find that I wasn’t. The early morning light coming into the room showed me Rellis’ face, a chuckling in his mind, his hand moving me as though I had strings. The silver gown I still partially wore was no impediment to his efforts, but when I tried to rise up to reach him, his other hand on the chain leading to the collar about my throat was a distinct impediment to mine. I moaned again and struggled to get free, and the chuckle in his mind emerged from his throat.

“So, wenda, you awaken to a predicament,” he said, grinning down at me. “Perhaps, had you known what you would face, you would not have done as you did.”

“I do not understand,” I gasped, close to tears from the way he was torturing me. “What have I done?”

“In some manner you knew I was asked to comfort you last darkness,” he said, giving me no rest. “It was agreed that you were to believe the choice yours, unimposed by those about you, so that you might take true comfort from the doing. It did not come to me that I had been touched by your power till I had returned to Dallan and Tammad and had seen their surprise at my too-rapid return. I would not have left your side of my own volition, therefore was I forced from you by that which I was unable to see and defend against. Do you deny this charge?”

“I wished neither your comfort nor your use!” I cried, ineffectually trying to push his hand away. “It was my right to refuse you in my own way!”

“You have no such right,” he disagreed, ignoring my efforts. “You may not refuse the man chosen to ease you by those who claim you, for in so doing you spit upon their authority and shame them. Are you unable to see that you have no right to shame them?”

“What of my shame?” I demanded with a sob, held down by throat and thigh. “By what right do they shame me? By the right of their being l’lendaa? By the belief that I, merely wenda, have no place protesting my shaming? Am I of so little consequence that my shame may be so easily overlooked?”

“What shame do you speak of, wenda?” he asked, his mind truly perplexed as his brow furrowed. “What shame might there be for a wenda in obeying him to whom she belongs? There is no shame in use, for that is one of the purposes of wendaa, to be used. What other shame might there be?”

I became aware of the tears rolling down my cheeks, but only because I didn’t know how to answer him. I did feel shame when I was forced to a l’lenda’s use, but I couldn’t explain why in any other way than by saying it was wrong. I knew it was wrong but Rellis didn’t, and there seemed to be no clear way for me to explain it to him.

“To be put to the use of a l’lenda by the decision of another is wrong,” I groped, trying to make him understand. “It is not only wrong it brings great shame, and I am not alone in believing so. Ail my people believe the same, therefore . . . .

“Your people!” he laughed, interrupting me with amusement. “Now do I believe I begin to see. The darayse of your land are unable to bring pleasure to their wendaa, therefore do they beseech the approval of their wendaa before their pitiful attempts. Should they succeed in giving pleasure, the wenda is praised for having done the proper thing; should they fail, which is much more likely, they condemn the wenda for having done a shameful thing. In fear of having their inadequacy brought to light, they deny their wendaa to all others, harshly condemning any use other than their own, immediately placing the weight of guilt on all who disobey them. I know their sort well, for in my youth I visited a city of such darayse, a city which no longer stands. The fools gave insult to true l’lendaa, bringing down their wrath upon them. Their wendaa, when taken from the place at battle’s end, thought much the same as you and were not easily reached, yet—look you. As I touch you deeply, are you able to deny me?”

I gasped and tried to refuse the sensations coursing through me, but it was impossible. I would have had to have been dead to succeed, and my body told me I was definitely not dead.

“As you cannot refuse me, is your response not meant to be?” he pursued. “Where is the shame and wrongness in doing as you were born to do? Where is the shame and wrongness in giving pleasure to one approved of by him to whom you belong? It is pleasure he, himself. cannot give, and he joys in the thought that his woman is able to do the thing for him. If they are one she, too, will find joy in giving joy, and will see no shame in the doing. It will be her decision to do so, and she will not need to have force used upon her. Should there be shame involved, it is surely that a wenda must be forced to give joy to her beloved. The thought then comes that he cannot truly be her beloved after all. Let us remove this gown.”

His hand left me then, but only to move to the silver gown so that it could be slid off me. I didn’t have the strength to resist, but more than that I was caught up in the question of what he’d said. He thought I was wrong for making men force me to their use, wrong for finding shame where there was none, inconsiderate and uncaring of a man I supposedly loved. I didn’t love him—them—but that wasn’t the point. Did they all see it in the same way? I couldn’t have been wrong right from the beginning—could I?

“You will not be clad so cumbersomely upon your journey,” Rellis said, tossing away the well-worn silver gown while I still drowned in confusion. “After your punishment, I will see you clad more appropriately.”

“Punishment?” I asked, trying to remember everything we’d talked about. “Do you mean to use me after all?”

“No, wenda, I do not mean to use you,” he sighed, trying not to lose patience. “Had you not used your power I would have given you pleasure, yet you chose to do as you deemed best. Now I do as I deem best.”

He put his hands on me again, and what he gave me really was punishment. He made me want him so badly I nearly died, but he didn’t let me have him. I’d refused his attentions the night before, and all the begging and pleading I did made up for it not at all. He allowed me no release whatsoever, and when he was finally through with me I was well into hysterics. His hands opened the collar around my throat and made me sit up, and by the time my crying had eased up I was already into the clothing he had brought. Clothing. I looked down at myself through a film of tears, burning and unable to sit still, seeing a slightly longer, slightly fuller, version of the thing Dallan had made me wear the day before. The top of it veed down to my waist but it had a back, leaving only my arms and sides bare. When I got to my knees, the skirt reached to the middle of my thighs, and I could feel Rellis’ eyes on me and the approving hum in his mind. He wanted me, I knew he did, and I couldn’t make myself not beg.

“Rellis, do not leave me so,” I sobbed, putting my hands out to him. “Should it be true that my actions last darkness caused shame, I have been well repaid. Do you wish me to plead for your use? I will gladly do so. Allow me to touch you and I will plead in any way you wish.”

I reached toward him where he sat at the edge of the bed furs, wishing I could use my mind instead of my hands, but even my hands weren’t permitted near him. He caught my wrists between his own hands with a smile, and slowly shook his head.

“It is not my use you must beg,” he said, raising one hand to smooth my hair. “There are two who await you who will be pleased to see you, and all you need do is ask. Which of them, I wonder, will you approach first?”

I closed my eyes and lowered my head, whimpering at the need I felt, knowing I would have to go on that way. I’d die of shame if I had to ask one of them to ease me, and I’d sooner die of need. Somehow Rellis seemed to understand my resolve, and a flash of annoyance touched his mind as he snorted.

“So you believe you will approach neither of them, do you?” he said, holding my wrists in a one-handed grip. “Do you need to be coaxed further into the fire before you have the good sense to seek water?”

“No, do not touch me again!” I choked, stretching back away from his reaching hand. “How might I approach one without giving unnecessary pain to the other? I do not wish either of them, yet begging their use is a poor way of convincing them of it. ”

“Do you truly expect me to believe that you wish neither of them?” he asked, annoyed but drawing his hand back again. “Had that been so, you would already have found another to face them for you. With the aid of your power, even darayse would have found it possible to best them. No, wenda, it is clear you care for them both, yet the question remains as to which of them you care for more. Undoubtedly this journey will provide the answer—as well as prove to you your inability to withdraw from them. Come now; we have delayed long enough.”

He pulled me off the pile of bed furs, made me brush my hair fast, then hurried me out into the corridor by one arm. Only two sets of twenty warriors waited for us outside, and we led a parade up one corridor and down another, passing marble walls and occasional ribbed windows, the morning light managing to break through the thin, scattered clouds in the sky. I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone, so when we rounded a corner and came upon a slave down on hands and knees wiping one of the marble floors with a cloth, I was startled. When we stopped not five feet from the slave, I was more than startled; the naked woman on her knees, working under the critical eye of a large l’lenda holding a broad strap, was none other than Aesnil. Her long blond hair was braided to keep it out of her way, and even that early in the morning she seemed exhausted.

“Well, well, Aesnil, how pleasant to see that you are being kept from boredom in my house,” Rellis said, looking down at her. “How pleased you must be at the feeling of such accomplishment. ”

Tears welled in Aesnil’s eyes and her mind filled with misery, but she didn’t look up or stop wiping the floor.

“Have you no words of morning greeting, Aesnil?” Rellis pursued, his thoughts grimly pleased. “Will you not ask after my sleep in the polite manner?”

“I may not cease my task without permission, uncle,” she whispered, still moving the cloth across the floor. “Should I do so I will be strapped, and made to begin again from the beginning. ”

“I see,” Rellis said, and then moved his eyes to the guard standing over her. “How often has it been necessary to strap this slave and begin her again?” he asked.

“Two times it was necessary to strap her and begin her again, my Chamd,” came the answer, accompanied by a grin. “It has taken all of the darkness for her to see to her task, and it is nearly done.”

“And through it she has learned some measure of wisdom.” Rellis nodded in approval, looking at Aesnil again. “I am pleased that you show yourself able to learn, Aesnil, for your position in this house is as unique as your position in your own house. Here you are the sole female slave beneath my roof, and must comport yourself accordingly. I am told you find great pleasure in consigning others to slavery, therefore must you relish your position more than another would. Learn well, Aesnil, and perhaps I may be persuaded to recall that we are kin.”

He stood another moment looking down at her, but when I took a step forward and tried to bend and touch her, he pulled me away by one arm and resumed our trek through the corridors. Her mind had been sunk in such deep misery and humiliation that I’d had to try comforting her, but Rellis wasn’t prepared to allow that. He’d tried hurrying me away before I could wreck what he considered good work, but I’d caught the flash of gratitude in Aesnil’s mind, showing she knew what I’d wanted to do. I got a short lecture on not interfering with a well-earned lesson, but I ignored most of it as I sent Aesnil as much strength and support as I could. I didn’t waste my breath saying anything, but if Rellis had been able to feel Aesnil’s mind the way I’d felt it, he might not have considered what he was doing to her such a good idea.

Our walk took us to the end of a corridor that had a single door in it. Behind the door was a stairway leading down, but it had nothing in common with the stairway Dallan and I had used in Aesnil’s palace which led to the slave quarters. This stairway was marble rather than cut out of rock, wide rather than narrow, well-lit rather than dark and dank, and guarded rather than deserted. We led our parade downward a good thirty feet or more, and finally emerged in a wide-landing or room—which held a single, metal-bound door. Two more guardsmen stood at the door, but they were being kept company by Dallan and Tammad, who had a number of leather-bound bundles at their feet. All four watched us leave the stairway, but the humming in the minds of the two men waiting for me topped everything else for quite some distance around. I didn’t realize I was trying to hang back until Rellis’ hand tightened on my arm, pulling me forward closer to where they stood.

“A wait proving its worth,” Dallan said, moving forward one step from the door and the bundles. “Your presence will brighten the darkness, Terril.”

“And perhaps warm it as well,” Rellis said, thrusting me forward ahead of him. “You have taken what was necessary?”

“Indeed,” Dallan nodded, gesturing back toward the leather bundles. “Enough to feed us there and back, water to drink, furs in which to sleep, a sip of drishnak to ease the boredom. We will be no longer than the time necessary to reach the resting place of the Sword and return.”

“You will be a bit longer than that,” Rellis answered, but gave Dallan no time to ask the obvious question. “As you are completely prepared, you had best depart.”

“The thought has come to me that perhaps it would be best if we were to leave the woman here,” the barbarian said, stopping Dallan as he bent for one of the bundles. “There is no true need for her presence, and she will surely slow our pace. This matter is one between l’lendaa, and not to be given over to the dabbling of wendaa.”

Although I really didn’t want to go with them, I could feel myself stiffening in resentment at the barbarian’s attitude. I might not be as ridiculously big as he and Dallan, but I wasn’t entirely helpless! He made me sound as competent as a two-year-old, and I resented it like hell.

“The denday Tammad is no doubt known for his wisdom,” Rellis answered immediately, giving me no opportunity to do something stupid like insisting on going. “This is, however, a matter with which he has had little experience. If he will accept my word as to the necessity for the presence of the wenda, I will most humbly offer my apologies should he feel upon his return that I have been proven wrong. Is this condition acceptable?”

Tammad didn’t hesitate long, but his mind tightened with vexation even as he accepted the offer so made to him. He still didn’t agree with Rellis, but the only way to say so was to insult the man. Those light blue eyes touched me briefly with disapproval, and I didn’t have to guess what he disapproved of. He’d reacted with a good deal of heat when he’d first looked at me in that brief mockery of a gown, but he really didn’t enjoy seeing me dressed that way in public, especially not through someone else’s decision. When he’d put me up for sale he hadn’t minded that my gown had been just about blown away by the wind, but the situation had changed and he just didn’t approve. I didn’t give a damn whether he approved or not, and I couldn’t resist standing just a little bit straighter.

“I will carry these,” Dallan said, lifting two of the bundles by their leather strings and slipping them over his left shoulder, just above his sword hilt. “There are two for you as well, denday Tammad, and the carrying of the fifth may be shared between us.”

Dallan’s voice was calm and friendly, but his mind was enjoying the annoyance he knew the barbarian was feeling. He felt no annoyance at all, and was actually looking forward to the trip.

“I will be pleased to carry these two bundles,” the barbarian agreed, picking up what seemed to be duplicates of Dallan’s packs. “The last, however, need be carried by neither of us. As the woman is to accompany us, she may as well be of some use. ”

He lifted the fifth bundle and tossed it at me, startling me into catching it with a squeak of surprise. It was long and round and looked as though it were heavy, but once I had my arms around it, I found it to be nothing more than bulky. It weighed very little, and Rellis and Dallan chuckled at the way I’d jumped when it was thrown at me. I cast a black look at the barbarian as he turned away from me, wondering just how pleasant the trip had to be for him. He seemed determined to make it as hard as possible for me, and I wasn’t above returning the favor, not with Dallan there to stand behind. As Rellis had mentioned earlier, even a man of my world could have won against that mighty l’lenda with me behind him.

The two guards turned to the large metal door, drew back the heavy metal bolt, then pulled the door open. Beyond was darkness lit with a single torch, uninviting in the extreme, but Tammad strode through the doorway into it as though he’d done it any number of times before. I was in no hurry to follow him, but Dallan took my wrist and did some striding of his own, and less than a minute later the metal door clanged closed behind us.

The area beyond the door was something like a stone terrace, with three broad steps leading further down into the darkness. The single torch on the wall was right above the terrace, flickering gently against the faint wind movement coming out of the darkness all around. We seemed to be in the heart of a mountain, and even the two giant forms to either side of me didn’t do much to reduce the chill of the place. When I found myself clutching the bundle I held and searching the darkness with my mind, I decided it was time to force myself to relax. Deep darkness is dangerous only when you don’t know what might be in it, and I wasn’t about to let anything alive get even as close as spitting distance.

“Are there no torches we might carry to light the way?” the barbarian asked, staring down the three carved steps. “A misstep in the darkness is certain without it, not to speak of losing what trail there is.”

“I am informed that torches are unnecessary,” Dallan answered. “Let us proceed as far as we may, and then reconsider the question. ”

He hitched up the leather ties over his shoulder and started down the steps, watching both where he put his feet and the deep blackness to either side of him. I glanced back at the door that had been closed behind us, seeing the small gong hanging to its left that I’d spotted when we’d first come through. If Dallan was leading off Tammad might simply follow him, the two of them forgetting all about me. If that happened I intended staying by the door until they were far enough ahead not to worry about and then ring the gong to be let out, but I’d run out of luck the first day I’d met the barbarian. Instead of ignoring me as he had done earlier, he reached a hand out into the middle of my back and pushed me ahead of him, down the broad steps of carved rock.

A trail of sorts waited at the bottom of the steps, the rock somewhat sharper under foot than the terrace had been. Not much of the torchlight reached that far, especially with the barbarian behind me cutting off what there was. I walked as slowly as I could with one arm partially raised in front of me, aiming for the dark shadow and fascinated thoughts that were all I could see of Dallan. I couldn’t imagine what he might be fascinated with, but as the seconds passed and my eyes adjusted more fully to the dark, I discovered that the walls of rock to either side of the wide trail, as well as that overhead and underfoot, glowed very faintly. The glow wasn’t bright enough to make seeing easy, but it was considerably better than pitch darkness.

“Should this continue, we will have very little difficulty following the trail downward,” Dallan said softly when we reached him. “Torches might well be considered an intrusion in this place.”

“Should we encounter no more than the trail, the dimness will indeed be pleasantly restful,” Tammad agreed, looking around himself. “As the woman is able to detect the approach of that which may be inimical, there should be little in the way of danger to halt us.”

Dallan made a sound of agreement and began moving ahead again, slowly but with more confidence than he had shown earlier. I followed after immediately, giving the barbarian no chance to put his hand on me again as he’d intended. It really annoyed me that he’d so casually assigned long-distance guard duty to me right after insisting that I stay behind, and if I could have let something horrible through that would have eaten him but left me alone, I would have. I didn’t know if there was anything horrible down there to let through, but if I came across something I’d be sure to see if there was anything I could do with it.

We followed the wide trail through the rock corridor behind Dallan for about fifteen minutes, conscious of a slight but definite downgrade and then, suddenly, the corridor ended. Beyond it was what seemed to be an immense cavern, its walls and ceiling lost in inky blackness, only the glow from the rock below our feet and some down-trending boulders left to show us the way. Dallan moved forward slowly until he stood beyond the edge of the rock corridor and then, one hand on the boulder to his left, began what seemed a considerably steeper descent. Again I followed him but with a good deal more reluctance, watching the greenish-glow I climbed on for any uneven gaps I might trip on, beginning to shiver from the increased coolness of the open, unwalled area. I could feel that sunlight and warmth had never touched that space for as long as the mountain had lived, and almost felt that I had to fend off the shadow-fingers of the rock as it tried to touch my flesh where it was bare. We had only just begun traveling through the mountain, but it was already reaching for my soul.

Being cold sometimes turns me morbid and overly imaginative, but brisk exercise takes care of that by substituting disgust. Dallan forged ahead as if he were running a foot race, Tammad came right behind me seemingly with the intention of running me down, and I, the only one there of a normal size, was caught between them and forced into a scrambling downhill rush. By the time we reached the bottom of the rock slope I was sweating, and the soles of my feet felt as though they’d been beaten. Dallan stood looking around into the darkness as he waited for us, and the barbarian passed me where I’d stopped to rub my feet and joined him.

“The trail has widened somewhat,” Tammad observed, also looking around into the receding darkness where only the faint glow of the floor appeared, and that for only a short distance away. “Were you told of any markings we might follow?”

“I was given no more information than you,” Dallan admitted, and then his questing thoughts centered on an idea. “However, as we know we are to descend farther into the mountain, let us search out the direction which most seems to lead downward.”

“There,” the barbarian said, his shadow arm pointing to the right of our descent and close to the rock wall we had come down. “The glow of the floor disappears sooner than it should.”

“It does indeed,” Dallan agreed, studying the area that had been pointed out to him. “Let us by all means investigate it.”

Again Dallan strode away, and again I would have stayed behind if at all possible, but I didn’t seem destined to be forgotten. The barbarian stood waiting for me, impatience in his mind, but I wasn’t in the mood to be rushed. I’d put down the bundle I’d been carrying in order to rub my feet, and I had to retrieve it before I could follow after Dallan. Moving very slowly and deliberately I turned my back on the giant shadow six feet away, hoping he could see me well enough to understand the snub, then reached down just as slowly and deliberately for the bundle. I was sure I would be able to spot any anger in his his mind soon enough to avoid whatever unpleasantness he might consider, but it hadn’t occurred to me that he might have been expecting some sort of gesture of defiance from me and was prepared for it. I was watching so carefully for anger, that he was right behind me and lifting me off the floor by an arm around my waist before I knew what was happening.

“Clearly do I recall having once instructed you regarding the offering of temptation,” he said very softly as his hand came to me beneath the very short skirt. “As you seem to have forgotten the lesson, I shall repeat it in another manner.”

I almost choked trying to scream, but nothing forced itself through my straining throat but mewling. He held me backwards under his left arm, letting his right hand do what it always did to me, adding to the punishment Rellis had given me earlier. I kicked wildly and clawed at the back of his leg with my left hand, dying from the fire he caused so easily, and suddenly a burst of amusement came from his mind.

“I see you have been well prepared to give warmth through the darkness,” he chuckled, abruptly setting me back on my feet and crouching, but not withdrawing his hand. “I shall do nothing to ruin that preparation, for you have as yet to learn your natural place among men. Such preparation will do well in teaching it you. Take your bundle and follow the drin Dallan.”

If I could have spoken I would have babbled that I couldn’t follow Dallan, not yet, but words were beyond me. I put both of my hands on one of his broad shoulders and tried to impale myself on his hand, but he refused to allow that. He had me squatting and grasping his knee before I realized that he had no intention of easing me, and in fact had withdrawn his hand entirely. He was still punishing me for being insolent with him, punishing me more horribly than if he had raped me the way he had the first time, and I wanted to curse at him for being able to deny me his body the way I could never do with him. With soft sobs choking me I groped for my bundle, found it and pulled it to me, then forced myself erect and staggered after Dallan. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks in a steady stream, but their moisture did nothing to quench the flames in my body.

I rounded the dark curve and followed it downward as fast as I could move without falling, catching sight of Dallan’s outline in no more than a minute. He moved forward more slowly than he had earlier, his mind alert as he looked around, and I was glad he couldn’t really see me even when he glanced back. Thinking through the chaos in my mind was impossible, but I didn’t have to think to know how much furious misery I was filled with. They all took advantage of me, every one of those oh-so-mighty l’lendaa of Rimilia, and if I never saw any of them again I would laugh in delight every day of a very long life. I stepped on a pebble and hurt my foot even more than it had been hurting, but that was just another thing to add to all the rest. It was all I could do to stand straight and keep moving, thanks to the punishment I’d had from those wonderful men who were so much kinder than Hamarda slave-masters.

The half-trail we were on continued to wind down and around, gradually enough to cover more horizontal distance than vertical through that faintly illuminated darkness. After we’d been walking for an endless time we reached another vast level that spread out into the darkness all around, and again the two men walked a short way ahead to see if they could pick out the next proper direction. Despite the fact that I was dark-chilled, tired from walking, and still in terrible discomfort, I waited until the two were definitely looking away, then slipped off quietly into the darkness to the left of the trail we’d come down. I stayed close to the wall and worked at getting out of sight as fast as possible, having decided more than an hour earlier to lose myself at the first opportunity, stay out of sight until they had given up and left, and then try to head back alone. There was always the possibility that I might lose myself so well that I’d never find the way back, but at that point I really didn’t care. The thought of dying in the ghost-glow of the mountain’s heart wasn’t nearly so depressing as the thought of continuing on in the company that had been forced on me. Once I was out of sight and sound of them I sealed my heaving emotions behind the shield that would keep me from betraying myself, took a tighter grip on the bundle that had grown heavier with the passage of time, and broke into a choppy run.

I ran until I couldn’t control the gasping of my breath, hurried until my legs turned to liquid, then forced myself to walk on a bit farther, holding onto the rock wall with my left hand to make sure I didn’t lose it. If there had been a giant crevasse directly in my path I wouldn’t have seen it, but that possibility fell more into the category of kindness than disaster. I had been too miserable to be hungry earlier, but all the exertion I’d gone through reminded me that I’d been given nothing for breakfast, and I felt hollow as well as thirsty. I stumbled over a fair-sized boulder and scraped my hand on the rock wall trying to stay erect, and while I was flatly refusing to cry over the pain, I became aware of the cave.

The gap was no more than two feet ahead of me, low enough down on the wall that I would have missed it if I’d continued on the way I’d been going—my hand would have crossed above it. I moved forward the two feet slowly, looking down at it, then abruptly cleared my shield briefly to search the space. No living minds seemed to be behind the gap, so I got down on my hands and knees and peered inside. The space was all of eight feet wide and four deep, just big enough to achieve box status, but that was tine with me. There were no deep recesses where unimaginable monsters might be hiding, just a place where I might hide. Without thinking about it any further, I crawled inside.

I put aside the leather bundle I’d been carrying, sat for a minute looking around myself, then lay down on my side, facing away from the small entrance. The rock was hard and cold and uneven, but it was better than standing up and even better than sitting. When I sat I could see myself against the surrounding greenish glow, a dark outline—figured with no details visible, with no depth or reality. It was typical of the way I felt on that planet, that I had no true reality. People looked at me and spoke to me—and abused me—without ever thinking of me as being real or being worthy of consideration. The words concerning consideration were there, but a real understanding of me wasn’t. It was not only painful it was wearying, and I was sick of fighting the tide. I pushed aside the wildly swirling thoughts clamoring for attention I was in no condition to give them, and simply closed my eyes.

I was hoping to fall asleep and escape everything in the way of questions and decisions, but I was just too hungry and thirsty. I would have opened the bundle I’d carried, but it would have been a waste of time and effort. It wasn’t heavy enough to contain either food or water, and I couldn’t face any other disappointments just then. At least ten minutes went by while I struggled to ignore all sorts of discomfort, and then I suddenly had an odd feeling. Not knowing what it meant I opened my eyes and turned to my back to look around, and then cringed back in shock. A black outline-form was crawling through the low opening into the box-cave, but I wasn’t fortunate enough for it to be an animal. It was a human beast, far worse than anything of the lower orders, and I moaned in misery, sure I knew who it was.

“Wenda, why did you run?” the shadow’s voice demanded, and for a minute I didn’t understand. Then it came to me that it was Dallan rather than Tammad, and I shuddered in uncertain, partial relief.

“How were you able to find me?” I demanded in turn, not quite as strongly, in fact in little more than a whisper. I bumped up against the back wall of the cave, surprised that I was still retreating, upset that I’d gone as far as possible, awash in every emotion of distress there is.

“There was little difficulty in finding you,” he said, dismissing the incredible as unimportant even as he straightened up to his knees. “Of greater moment is the reason for your having done such a foolish thing. No matter your own beliefs, Terril, you are scarcely l’lenda. You may well have found yourself irretrievably lost.”

His voice held the overtones of the beginnings of anger, a clear indication that his mind would have been the same if I had lowered my shield. But I hadn’t lowered my shield and wasn’t about to; what little control I had left would have been totally inadequate to the task of keeping me from broadcasting.

“And what if I had become lost?” I came back, my voice trembling as much as my body. “Perhaps I wished it so for reasons of my own. It makes little difference, for I have now been found. You have only to give me what punishment you find necessary, and we may leave this place.”

“Wenda, your bitterness cuts with the edge of a dagger,” he said, his voice softened and filled with faint hurt. “Is this the sole thing you have come to expect from those about you’? Punishment for that which was done by you? I would sooner you spoke of the cause for the distress which sent you alone into the darkness, than that you wept from the punishment for it.”

“And I would sooner speak to the beasts of the forests,” I said, turning my face away from him. “To speak to l’lendaa is more useless still.”

I knelt beside the back wall, my left shoulder and arm against it, my head down in utter depression. The urge to look at him with my mind was nearly overwhelming, but I forced myself to keep the shield in place. I’d been telling myself I didn’t care what he did to punish me, but when he moved forward on his knees and took my arm to pull me close to him, I gasped from more than the scrape of pebbles on my knees. Coward that I was I did fear what he would do, and I trembled uncontrollably as he held me against his chest. His hard body and strong arms brought warmth to chase away the chill of that dark place, but his being so near also brought flare-tinged throbs to my body as the various punishments I’d been given earlier reasserted themselves. I knew he was trying to look at me even though I kept my head down, and after a minute his hand came to my face.

“Again I have the impression that I hold a woman who has been slave to men,” he said, his fingers touching my cheek gently. “Once, not long after I had first been declared servant-slave by Aesnil, I and four others of my brothers in bondage were called upon to assist in the punishment of a slave wench who was guilty of insolence. Rather than simply being whipped, the wench was passed about among a number of guardsmen to be aroused, yet none were permitted to use her. All during the early part of the day was this done, she being forced to the attending of assigned tasks in the interim, her tears and distress clearly evident to those of us who watched her. When we were permitted to eat our midday gruel, it was she who was made to serve it to us. Her body was small but nicely rounded, pleasant to look upon as she knelt naked before each of us in turn, clenching her thighs as she offered the gruel. She had begged release from those who guarded us, but could not bring herself to do the same with slaves like herself. She saw us as slaves, you understand, rather than as men who were bound.

“When our gruel had been swallowed, it was then necessary to see to the foolish wenda, yet not until she had been made to beg her use of us. That she had no wish to do so seemed an insurmountable problem to those who stood with me, for they had too long been set to the pleasing and serving of wendaa and had nearly forgotten their manhood. They were eager for the use of the slave and feared what punishment would come to them were we to fail in our assigned task, yet they knew not how to achieve their goal. It was left to me to take the wenda in my arms, and once she knew it was a man who held her, her pleas were quickly forthcoming. When first I put my arms about her she felt much as you do now, stiff with refusal yet helpless to disobey, atremble with need and fear, knowing well the power of men yet seeking to hide herself from it. A man’s power has little purpose other than to give pleasure and easing to his woman, memabra. Why do you not seek my assistance when you have need of it?”

“What became of the slave when you were done with her?” I asked in a whisper ignoring his question as I ignored the way he called me his little banded one. I knew I wore his bands; how could I forget?

“She was used by those others who were servant-slaves till she wept with pain, then was she taken by the guardsmen and whipped,” Dallan answered after a brief hesitation, his arms tightening around me. “You need not fear the same, memabra, for we keep no slaves here, and you are no slave in any event.”

“I feel nothing other than slave,” I whispered, discovering to my horror that I held him around, pressing my body against his. “I would look upon it as a great kindness were you to take that sword hung at your side and with it put an end to the misery of my life. I have no further strength with which to withstand the whippings of this world.”

“Never would I take your life, wenda mine,” he said, his voice soothing and filled with concern as he stroked my hair. “We will put an end to some small part of your distress, and then we will speak further upon the balance of it.”

He released his bundles and reached behind me then to the bundle I’d carried, fought open one end of it, and pulled out a sleeping fur. I don’t know what it was I thought I was carrying but seeing the shadow fur over my shoulder surprised me. I began shaking my head and crying, trying to tell him I didn’t need to be used, but I was lying and we both knew it. I still held him around as he spread the fur, removed his swordbelt and then put us on the fur, and when his hands raised my face to his and his lips touched mine I was glad he hadn’t listened to me. He kissed me deeply without touching anything other than my face, and when I could no longer keep from moving against him he reached down and removed his haddin, then knelt above me. His hands went to the open sides of the short gown I wore, his lips to the sides of my breasts beyond the narrow strip of covering silk, and as I reached spasmodically for his shoulders I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to have him, right then, and for once he let himself be rushed. He spread my thighs and entered me strongly, then gave me exactly what I needed; it wasn’t slow and careful, but it was very satisfying. His own satisfaction was a match to mine, but it wasn’t the wildly abandoned thing he had been hoping for. I’d let my shield dissolve at some point, and I could see that easily enough, but the way he continued to hold me gave no indication of how he felt. He knew that all my problems had not been solved by a simple toss on the furs, and he didn’t pretend they had been.

“I find it increasingly disturbing that I cannot see you, wenda,” he said after a final kiss, again holding my face. “The tension has gone out of you, yet the unhappiness remains.”

“You believe that sight of me would enable you to cure my unhappiness?” I asked, too far from amusement even to laugh in derision. “Then by all means let us kindle the fire.”

“The fire we kindled a few moments ago saw to some measure of it,” he returned with a chuckle, leaning toward me so that our bodies touched again. “Perhaps a second fire would indeed be of some benefit. Speak to me now of what disturbs you. ”

“What disturbs me has not changed since last we spoke of it,” I said, squirming a bit against the way he partially pinned me to the fur. “That it has grown worse rather than better is scarcely surprising, for I had expected nothing else. I must leave this world before it takes my life or sanity.”

“You will allow my world to defeat you?” he asked, running his hand down my side to my thigh. “This I cannot believe, for I have seen you fight against that which you could not accept and win against great odds. It is not a thing done by many wendaa, and shows great courage.”

“I have no courage at all,” I denied with a headshake, shifting against his weight. “I am a coward who fears all things, and is weary unto death of that fear. I shall return to my own world where I feet no fear.”

“Yet where others feel fear of you,” he said, his voice now sober. “Where you are bound harshly by cause of that fear and forced to live beneath unnatural restrictions. This is the world you prefer above mine?”

“You believe I should not?” I laughed with incredulity. “There are none there who beat me and torture me, none who take my use without my permission, none who give my use to others when it is they I desire, none who—”

I broke it off and turned my face away, knowing I’d said too much—and not enough. I couldn’t make myself compatible with Rimilia in a hundred years of trying, and I felt as though I’d already tried at least that long. Banging my head on stone walls has never been one of my favorite pastimes.

“Perhaps it will be best if we continue this discussion when we have returned from the resting place,” Dallan said, smoothing my hair once before rolling away from me and reaching for his haddin. “There is little sense in agonizing over a difficulty now, when that difficulty may no longer remain when once we have made our visit. Should there be need later, it may be done later. ”

His outline form moved slowly but deliberately, a conscious effort against the churning in his mind. I sat up on the fur and stared at him, wondering what was upsetting him, but didn’t get the opportunity to decide to ask. Once his haddin was wrapped around him he reached for the bundles he’d carried, took one and opened it, drank from it, then offered it to me. I’d been afraid it would be drishnak, but all it was was water, clear, wet and very satisfying. I lifted the skin and drank deeply from it the second time, feeling it flow down my throat with almost indecent pleasure, feeling it giving me the strength to go on a little farther. I savored the second swallow then went for a third, and didn’t know I’d done anything other than drink until Dallan grunted.

“Wenda, you had best cease that lest I become uncontrollably aroused,” he said, his mind flashing deep, true discomfort. “I had not known that water would bring you such pleasure, else I would have given it to you much the sooner.”

For a minute I didn’t understand, and then I realized that I’d allowed my feelings at finally getting something to drink to leak from my mind. I hadn’t known Dallan would interpret and react to them as he was doing, but he wasn’t, after all, an empath trained to interpret correctly.

“Please accept my apologies,” I said at once, making sure he got no more accidental leakages as I handed the skin back. “I had a great need of that water, so great a need that its presence made me unaware of the doings of my mind. It will not happen again. ”

“It is odd that it occurred this time,” he said, putting the water aside and gesturing me off the fur. “We have not been so long upon our way that your need should have grown so great. Were you so concerned over our journey that you ate and drank less than what was wise at your meal before you joined us?

His tone showed something of the annoyance in his mind as he folded the fur we’d been lying on, undoubtedly thinking I’d skipped the meal on purpose. I stood behind him near the back wall of the cave-box, understanding that he knew nothing of what his father had done, wondering if I ought to tell him. I caused enough trouble between people without doing it on purpose, but I hesitated a little too long. His mind used my silence the way it usually did, and dove straight for the truth I was trying to avoid.

“By the might of the Sword, you were given nothing!” he swore, his anger flaring out as he grabbed my bundle and began stuffing the fur into it. “This was surely my father’s doing, for he has not yet learned to know you. When we have rejoined the denday Tammad, we will eat before continuing on.”

“For what reason would your father have done such a thing?” I ventured, being careful not to touch the edges of his anger. “He does not appear to be a cruel man.”

“Nor is he,” Dallan said, drawing my bundle closed and then handing it to me. “It was his intention that your need for sustenance would drive you to the feet of Tammad or myself, asking to have the hunger and thirst taken from you. With this knowledge I now understand another thing, which is the reason for your great physical need. You were aroused by him before being brought to us, were you not? This double need was to have put you at the feet of him whom you truly preferred, for hunger of the body is considerably more selective than hunger of the belly. A pity my father knows nothing of the shape and size of the pride which fills you. Had he known that, he would also have known that his efforts would be in vain.”

“I see,” I mumbled, watching as Dallan took his swordbelt and strapped it on, then slung his bundles over his shoulder. I felt pale remembering the way I’d acted with Tammad after he’d touched me, but that was surely only because he had touched me. I hadn’t put myself at his feet by choice because I hated him, and the more I squeezed the bundle I held, the more I believed it.

“I will leave this place first, and then you may follow,” Dallan said, getting down on all fours in front of the gap in the wall. “Wait until I call, and then come ahead.”

His dark outline squirmed and crawled through the gap, disappearing quickly, and all at once I wanted out of there. I followed immediately and got down on my knees, thrust my bundle through as I heard my name being called softly, then crawled out. My bundle had been lifted out of the way, and it was something of a shock to see not one pair of legs in front of me, but two. By that time my mind had done the frantic searching it should have done much earlier, and had discovered the vast calm that never brought itself to my attention unless I looked for it. I slowly rose up from my knees in front of Dallan and Tammad, and took back the bundle that Dallan was holding without looking up at either of them.

“It seems clear that you are the victor according to our agreement,” the barbarian said to Dallan, his voice as even and calm as his mind. “As you were the one who found her, you were the one to ease her distress. I would know, however, whether the easing was given with or without her consent.”

“What man would find it necessary to take his memabra by force?” Dallan came back in a very bland way, for some reason amused. “As the woman wears my bands, it is to be expected that she would give herself freely to me.”

“Of course,” the barbarian answered, a good deal of his calm having turned to stiffness. “And now it would perhaps be best if we continued on our way. This delay has cost us a good deal of time. ”

Dallan gave immediate and solemn agreement, then put his arm about me to move us both after the barbarian, who had turned and stalked away. After a minute a large chunk of meat was thrust into my hand, and I glanced over at Dallan to see that he had taken something to eat as well. Things seemed to be coming at me in a very disjointed fashion right then, mainly because of the way my mind kept replaying the last exchange between the two men. It was clear I hadn’t done as good a job of escaping from them as I had thought, since neither one had had any difficulty finding me once they took the proper direction. It was appalling to think that I couldn’t avoid recapture even in the darkness of the inside of a mountain but that wasn’t the only thing bothering me. The barbarian had demanded an answer to a question from Dallan, and hadn’t even noticed that the answer he’d gotten wasn’t an answer at all. Dallan had stated a couple of generalities, and Tammad had stalked off into the darkness with a matching black mood forming in his mind. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn he was jealous, but that was idiotic. I’d been given to enough men by him to know that there was no jealousy in him, at least as far as I was concerned. That was why I couldn’t understand the stiffness he had developed, most especially after the way he had tortured me. I chewed at the meat chunk Dallan had given me and thought about that for a while, then pushed the entire question away from me. If the barbarian was upset at the thought of my giving myself to Dallan, for whatever reason, I couldn’t be happier. If it wouldn’t have been unfair to Dallan, I would have thrown myself all over him just to see the barbarian suffer even more. It was probably an ego thing with Tammad, that any woman would have the incredibly bad taste to prefer another man to him, and he surely deserved whatever suffering he did. It was scarcely likely to last beyond the time other women became available, so I hoped the suffering he did was good and painful.

When we reached the place I had left the men, we found the next downgrade and just kept going. Hour after hour passed, filled with descending and searching and more descending, the pain of scrapes and stumbles and sharp rock underfoot, the pressure of no rest stops being allowed, and the boredom of constant, faintly shining darkness. Dallan had given me more than the single meat chunk when we’d first started but a lot of time had passed and I was hungry all over again. The barbarian had taken over the lead of our expedition and acted as though he intended going on forever, and that was the one thing that had kept one going. I’d sooner drop in my tracks than ask anything of him, even if I did it through Dallan. I’d either go on as long as he did or collapse from exhaustion, whichever came first. I put a hand to my aching back, wishing I could rub my feet just for a minute, then swallowed a gasp when my elbow scraped against the rock wall we were walking near. Collapsing seemed a lot more likely than continuing on to wherever the end might be, and I really didn’t want to think about it.

Thanks to Dallan, I didn’t have to walk on forever or collapse. He was the one who finally called a halt, saying that the narrow, twisting corridor of rock we were in would do as a place to stop and sleep.

“This place will allow us to be sure that we have not lost our proper direction,” he said, looking up at the sheer, glowing walls all around us. “An open gallery would scarcely serve the same purpose.”

“Yes, let us by all means see a purpose served,” the barbarian muttered, finding a lot less interest in the walls. “I will take the furs that are mine to the far side of this fold, and you may remain here with yours. How long do you mean to sleep’?”

“Until we awaken refreshed,” Dallan answered with a shade too much pleasantness. “Do you feel it necessary that we stand watches?”

“No,” the barbarian answered, taking the sleeping furs bundle from me so abruptly that I was startled. “I will sleep lightly against any intrusion, therefore will you be free to enjoy your sleep. I wish you pleasure in your dreams.”

He threw the bundle back to me without the two furs he had taken, nodded to Dallan, then took his surliness around the comer of stone flaring out into the trail. Dallan chuckled softly as he stood next to me watching Tammad disappear, then he gestured toward the inside of the fold on our side.

“Spread our furs beside the wall, memabra,” he directed, speaking as softly as he had chuckled. “Our meal will be considerably more pleasant with that one elsewhere, and after we have eaten we may sleep.”

The thought of being able to sit down in comfort helped me get the furs out of the bundle in record time, but there wasn’t room enough next to the wall for more than one set. Because of that I began spreading Dallan’s furs on the outside of the curve, just beyond the pocket near the wall, thinking he would prefer having me on the inside, where he could keep an eye on me. I should have known that I was only partially right, but exhaustion tends to make me forget the realities of life.

“Do not be foolish, wenda,” he chided with inner amusement when he saw what I was doing. “You may double the furs, for there is room enough for both of us in there.”

To prove the point he picked up the fur I’d put outside and threw it on top of the first, picked me up and tossed me into the pocket, then removed his swordbelt and climbed in after me, pinning me down in the fur. With him on top of me there was plenty of room for both of us, but it wasn’t a position likely to get me a good night’s sleep. I squirmed around trying to get loose, got a chuckle and a kiss for my efforts, then was allowed to sit up next to Dallan while he got the food out.

I suppose if I hadn’t been so tired I wouldn’t have gotten silly, but Dallan was in the mood to be silly and I caught it from him. He refused to let us each eat our own meals, instead insisting that we feed each other, but that wasn’t all. He sat me in his lap for the exchange and began tickling me, enough so that I just had to tickle him back. He had very little trouble finding ticklish spots on me, but I had to search all over before I found my target. I did as much giggling as I did chewing and swallowing, and as soon as the food and water was down Dallan took a cover fur and draped it over me, insisting that I felt too much like a block of ice for him to enjoy touching me as much as he should. I was cold from the hours of walking through the chill of the darkness, but somehow Dallan wasn’t. His body was as warm and alive as it had been in the heat of sunlight, and when he put his arms around me under the fur I couldn’t help snuggling up to his chest. I was tired enough to have my eyelids begin drooping immediately, and much too tired to struggle when his hands pushed my skirt back to get it out of his way. I suppose I should have known better than to be surprised when he got an almost immediate reaction, but I’d been sure my exhaustion would be able to set up a barrier my conscious decision couldn’t. Exhausted or not, his demanding hand worked me too deeply to ignore, forcing me into writhing around in his lap, sending me further into the fuzziness of near-sleep rather than drawing me away from it. His lips took mine for a long, breathless time, a time I moved through with growing need, and then he whispered that I had to remove the covering I wore. I fought in a sightless dream to take it off without losing the fur covering me, and when I finally succeeded and moved back to his chest, found that his haddin was gone as well. His deep excitement was a lure I couldn’t refuse, and before I knew it I had straddled him and captured his desire with mine, drawing surprise from his mind and a moan of pleasure from his throat. I rode him like a novice on a runaway seetar, bouncing madly and unable to stop, but he was no novice when it came to knowing his own capacity. When the pressure became too great he threw me to my back, then followed me down to direct the rest of our pleasure. I whined and complained and tried to force him to let me go back to where I directed, and got rolled over onto my side and smacked hard on the bottom a few times for my trouble. I was too far gone to know he was right, but my sleepiness found the tiny punishment enough to be intimidating. I sniffled as he held me to him and kissed me, and immediately thereafter lost myself completely to his deep stroking. There was no hurry involved that time, and I have no idea how long it was before he let me sleep.

There was no morning, of course, but I awoke with Dallan’s arms around me and his lips against mine, giving me a good morning wish. I found myself melting to him most willingly, more than happy to oblige if he wanted anything, then cringed and stiffened against the blast of struggling calm that hit me. Dallan, feeling my reaction, raised his head to look out of our little nook and saw the looming bulk of Tammad. His dark outline was considerably more calm than the calm his mind was fighting for, and I couldn’t understand his reaction. He’d even seen me being used by other men without getting ruffled, so why should Dallan’s kissing me bother him so much? I didn’t understand what was going through his mind, and also didn’t understand Dallan’s instant amusement.

“I bid you a pleasant morning, denday Tammad,” he said, covertly tightening his hold on me to keep me from moving away from him as I’d immediately tried doing. “I trust your sleep was adequate?”

“Quite adequate,” the barbarian answered, paying a high inner price for the evenness of his tone. “I have already had my meal, and have come to see how quickly you will be prepared to continue on. ”

“We have only just awakened,” Dallan answered, moving his hands on me under the covering fur so that I gasped and arched against him. “I had intended taking a short while with my woman before seeking sustenance, and I now see that the time must be brief indeed. We will be with you as quickly as I see to her. ”

He turned away from the barbarian and began kissing me again, well aware of the fact that I was nearly choking on the storm of bulging, rippling fury-calm coming at me. Dallan was enjoying himself immensely, but from a cause other than the usual one. I didn’t know what he was up to, and I really didn’t care; I just knew what I wasn’t about to be the main attraction in his one-man show.

Blocking out Tammad’s frothing and Dallan’s nearness was as easy as pulling out teeth with nothing but fingers, but somehow, miraculously, I managed to do it. After that I gathered what I needed to use on Dallan, at the same time keeping all my fingers crossed tight. I had to dip into the area of nervous reactions for what I wanted, but it was the only thing I could think of that might possibly be mistaken for a natural urge. Certain tensions produce a nervousness in some people that stems from mental activity but manifests mainly as a physical response, actually forcing the body to not only feel the distress, but to actively participate in it. You don’t have to have a weak bladder to feel the urge to relieve yourself if you’re jumpy enough, and you don’t have to be nervous to feel that way if an empath turns desperate. Dallan held me pinned to the fur with his body, his hands in my hair as his lips teased mine, his right knee already beginning to insert itself between my knees, and all I could do was pray that he hadn’t yet relieved himself that morning. I brushed him with that special feeling then brushed him again, miserably aware of how quickly I was growing weak and willless, almost convinced that I was wasting my time—and then it took him. His muscles clenched and his teeth gritted almost at the same time, and he was abruptly no longer interested in taking his time. He brushed the covering fur away and scrambled out of the nook, trotted past Tammad without a word, then disappeared back around the last fold of rock in the direction from which we’d come the night before. I lay still on the furs trying to smooth the jangle out of my own nerves, and saw Tammad’s outline turn back to me again. He’d been startled by Dallan’s sudden and unexpected departure, but his startlement had inexplicably turned to anger.

“So, wenda, once again you act to suit yourself,” he said very softly, slowly moving closer to where I lay. “The rights and desires of those about you mean as little as ever, causing you not a moment’s hesitation in thought. To do as you will is a thing you have ever done, and undoubtedly always shall. What a fool a man would be to think you able to grow and change—and what a fool to speak of regret for having given you the fruits of your efforts. I shall not be such a fool again.”

The bitterness and disgust in his mind cut at me like a cold wind in the dead of winter, crushing me down, suffocating me. I found myself cowering back against the inner wall of the nook, clutching the cover fur to me, shivering as though it really was the dead of winter. My mind had turned too numb with fear to do anything more than quiver and shake, faint with the thought that his hulking shadow-shape might come closer yet, sick with terror over what he would do to me. If it had gone on another minute I know I would have fainted, but that was when Dallan came trotting back.

“Terril, forgive me,” he said as he approached the nook, a chuckle of amusement in his voice. “I meant no insult in leaving so abruptly, for a man has little choice at a time such as that. It was not—What has happened here?”

He stopped beside the barbarian to look down at me, confusion touching him, but it was nothing compared to what was in Tammad’s mind. The big barbarian had suddenly turned almost as numb as I felt, and his shadow profile stared at Dallan.

“For what—for what reason did you leave the woman?” he forced out at last, almost choking on the words. “Were you—ill, or incapacitated, or—driven away?”

“I was forced, yes, but only to relieve myself,” Dallan growled, abruptly glowing with the beginnings of a monstrous anger. “Have you grown to believe the woman capable of affecting our bodies as well as our minds? Must all that occurs be laid at her feet, tied to her throat, or heaped upon her head? Do you wish me to beat her for her fear of you?”

The larger shadow jerked his head back to me, silent in the darkness where our bodies dwelt, screaming with guilt where his mind dwelled alone. I nearly threw up with the agony he felt and then he was gone, running silently around the fold and up the trail, disappearing into the darkness and taking his illness and pain with him. I didn’t know Dallan was down on his knees beside me and holding me until Tammad had put enough rock between us to be out of range, and then I collapsed in hysterics. It hurt so much I thought I would break, and Dallan’s words came to me as I forced the fur against my mouth and face to muffle my screams.

“No, memabra, do not weep,” he growled, trying to be soothing but sounding savage. “Had he been worthy of you he would have proven it during my provocation of him, yet was it the opposite that he proved. To engender such fear in a small and helpless woman! I know not how a l’lenda might sink so low, yet do I know I shall not leave you alone with him again. We will complete this journey as quickly as possible, and when we return you need never see him again.”

He held me tight trying to calm the near-insane crying I twisted about in the grip of, but his efforts were useless while I found it impossible to calm myself. I’d accomplished what I’d tried to do and had touched Dallan without his knowing it, but what about the rest of it? Tammad had been right in accusing me and Dallan wrong incoming to my defense, but how could I tell them the truth? How could I face that bitterness and disgust from Tammad again, especially after what Dallan had made him feel? And what would they do to me if they found out the truth now, knowing they’d been fooled? I still wanted to spit out the words of truth to keep them from cutting me to pieces with the sharpness of their edges, but tear closed my throat and left them deep inside to silently spill the blood of my life. I screamed into the fur with the agony of unrelieved pain, brought about by the abomination of a disease called cowardice.

It took a long while before the storm passed, and afterward I was unable to eat. Dallan helped me dress and gather the furs together, and then we went on in the direction Tammad had taken earlier. I had my shield tightly in place, hiding as cowards usually do, but I couldn’t keep my eyes closed too as I would have preferred. Once we left the corridor of folded rock we entered a small gallery, black gaps of empty air surrounded by the glow of stone. Just past the middle of it toward the far end stood a dark outline, which waited until we had almost reached it before turning and disappearing through one of the wall gaps. Dallan and I also reached the downgrade and began to descend, but why any of us were doing it was beyond me. There was supposed to be a magical cure for all of our troubles at trail’s end, but I don’t think even Dallan believed that any longer. I had never believed it, but if I’d had to make a choice, I would have believed in the magic sooner than in the cure.

We continued on down through the winding darkness, and after another few hours it became obvious that it was a good thing Dallan had forced me to eat not long after we first started. My head had begun to ache and I wasn’t feeling well, and the chill of the darkness had been working at the same time to enter my bones. I just kept walking over the pebbled rock that had begun to feel like knives under my feet, saying nothing to Dallan except for refusing more to eat. The somewhat amusing thought had come that maybe there was real magic down there after all; if I caught something terrible and died, all my problems really would be solved.

I was almost staggering by the time we reached the bottom of the last downslope. I’d been fuzzily wondering how much longer I could go on without Dallan noticing something, when I noticed something myself. At the end of the thirty-foot corridor in front of us a stronger light source than the constant, faint rock glow could be seen, and the barbarian had stopped at the corridor’s end without ranging ahead as he’d been doing. Dallan took my arm to speed up my sore-footed progress, looking ahead rather than at me, missing the muttering I was doing that even I couldn’t quite catch. When we got to the place where Tammad was waiting I thought I was even more confused than I felt, but blinking didn’t chase the sight away. Another slight downslope led to the floor of a cavern of sorts, but the cavern wasn’t dark and it wasn’t empty. Wide, picture-window gaps all around the outer walls led to open air, making the area look like a dinner hall rather than a cavern, and what seemed to be lazy, puffy clouds rested on the rock floor all around the depression in the center of the room. Rising from the depression was a marble stand, five feet high and containing two things: a golden casting of a big man’s hand closed into a fist, and the sword which was held in the fist by the blade. The sword blade was shining silver rather than gold, its hilt so encrusted with what seemed to be jewels that it surely would have been painful to hold it and swing it. The thought of pain made me groan out loud without meaning to, and the barbarian stirred where he stood to my right as Dallan put his arm around me in concern.

“It is the storm which gathers in the outer air that gives the woman pain,” he said so softly to Dallan that he sounded almost diffident. “We had best hurry and stand before the Sword so that we may return her quickly to the depths of the mountain where she will be protected from its fury.”

“Yes, let us hurry,” Dallan agreed after a strange pause, as though he had meant to say something else and had changed his mind at the last minute. I hadn’t noticed that the outside skies were darker than they should have been by daylight, and I hadn’t realized that I was being affected by a coming storm. I wasn’t noticing or realizing much of anything right then, but hurrying sounded smart even to me.

Dallan helped me along as the three of us started for the Sword and its pedestal, the barbarian walking close to my right but not touching me. I think he understood that Dallan would probably have drawn on him if he’d tried helping me as well, and I don’t think he disagreed with the viewpoint. The barbarian looked expressionless rather than calm, Dallan looked grim and not at all pleased, and however I looked couldn’t have been that far from their appearances. It was the first time in more than a day that we were able to see each other clearly, and we discovered that we hadn’t been missing anything. I limped along between them, trying to keep my thoughts lucid, but wasn’t leaving much luck with it. My mind was fluttering in all directions, and the thing of most concern to me seemed to be the worry that we’d get wet passing through the grounded clouds. I stepped into the clouds with the two men because I was given no other choice, and suddenly became delighted that I wasn’t getting wet. The clouds swirled around our feet and legs and waists, and had a strange,, dry smell to them, making me wrinkle my nose and bringing frowns to the men. We moved two steps through them, then four, then discovered that the clouds were growing fingers. The fingers grabbed at us and held us back, trying to keep us with them even though we didn’t want to stay. Dallan and Tammad slowly began to fight with the clouds, but I didn’t get to see how the fight turned out. Between one breath and the next I had returned to the darkness.