This Fierce Splendor

14

“I am tired of being white.” Silver flung open the door to Rising Star’s room without knocking. She made a face as she saw Rising Star sitting, quill pen in hand, at the small secretary by the window. “I cannot breathe in this house. How can you bear it?” She pulled her tunic over her head and tossed it on the bed before dropping to the floor and, crossing her legs. She brought her loose dark hair over one shoulder and began to braid it. “Come down off your fine chair and be Indian with me.”

Rising Star slowly shook her head. “I’m comfortable here.” She put her pen back in the crystal inkwell. “Where is Elspeth?”

“She decided to go for a ride and sent me to you. She said she did not need me.” Silver shrugged her bare shoulders. “I do not care. I am tired of being a nursemaid anyway.”

“Are you?” Rising Star asked. “Then it is good that soon she will no longer need you. You can leave this house and go back to where you are happier.”

Silver’s eyes narrowed on her aunt’s face. “Why do you not come with me? You are not happy here either. They do not like Indians in this house and you cannot change what you are.”

“I have made a place for myself here,” Rising Star said. “I am content.” She smiled as her hand gently touched her abdomen. “And soon I will be more content.”

“Do you think they will love you more because you give them a half-breed baby?” Silver asked bitterly. You are blind. They will treat your child as they treat me.”

“You’re wrong. Joshua will not permit his baby to be treated as an outcast,” Rising Star said quietly. “He wants our child very much.”

“Did he tell you this?”

“No, but I know it to be true,” Rising Star said. “It is natural for a man to want a child. If I had been able to give him a son before, there would have been less-” She paused. “Things will be better once the child is born.”

“How do you know?” Silver tossed the thick braid back over her shoulder and turned to face her aunt. “What if the child does not help? Will you stay here and grow old with these people who think you are less than they?”

“Joshua does not treat me as they do. There is love between us.”

Silver’s eyes blazed. “I do not understand a love that makes you grow quieter and sadder with every year. Joshua should fight them and make them treat you as a member of the family.”

Rising Star shook her head sadly. “I cannot expect to be treated as a Delaney until I’m truly one of them. The child will help. Joshua will-”

“He is cold to you,” Silver said angrily. “When he is with you, there is no closeness. He will not change because-” She stopped as she saw the pain that tightened Rising Stars features. She muttered something beneath her breath and suddenly sprang to her feet and ran across the room. She dropped to her knees before Rising Star, her arms encircling her aunt’s waist, her cheek pressed against her breasts. Her words were muffled. “I am sorry. I grow so angry and the words rise up and cannot be stopped. I did not mean to sting you.”

“I know.” Rising Star’s hand tenderly stroked Silver’s shining dark hair. “But you’re wrong, Silver, Joshua does love me. It is not easy for him to be married to me.”

“Why? You give everything and take nothing. You have become everything they want you to be. They wanted no ignorant savages in their house, so you studied and became more learned than any of them. You cast off your comfortable Indian garments and wear clothes that bind and stifle. You speak softly and are kind to everyone.” She lifted her head to smile wryly. “Even to me, who causes you much pain.” The smile faded. “You are a great lady and they do not see it. It would be better for you to come away with me. I will take such good care of you,” she promised with touching, childlike earnestness.

Rising Star chuckled. “And what would two lone women do wandering around by ourselves?”

Silver grinned back at her. “We would see all the great cities of the world. We would sing and dance. I would learn to play the piano and you could use the French you taught yourself. We would be white when we wished, and Indian when it suited us. It would be a truly splendid life, Rising Star.” She lowered her voice coaxingly. “Come with me, there is nothing for us here.”

Rising Star shook her head. “There is something for me, I believe. And if there is not, there is nothing for me anywhere. I love my husband, Silver.”

Silver opened her lips to protest but then closed them without speaking. There was a moment of silence in the room before she said softly, “Then God deliver me from man-woman love.” She lifted her chin and her gray eyes were suddenly dancing. “No, I will deliver myself and I will deliver you too. I will wait until the child is born and then I will come back and whisk you both away. I will show you a woman doesn’t need a man to clutter her life. Friendship is much better. You have been white too long. You need me to show you how-” She broke off at the knock on the door. “Don’t move, I will answer it.” She jumped to her feet and walked swiftly toward the door.

“Wait,” Rising Star said in alarm. “Your tunic…”

Silver glanced down at her partial nudity, and a mischievous smile lit her face. She tossed her head. “I don’t feel like putting it back on. I am being Indian now.” She reached for the doorknob. “And I am sure, if it is Malvina or Shamus, they will understand.”

“Silver don’t-”

Silver threw open the door.

Full, exquisite golden breasts crowned by dusky pink nipples thrust forward in naked taunting splendor.

“My God, Silver, what the hell are you up to?” Patrick forced his gaze away from that beautifully blatant nudity and raised it to her face.

“Oh!” Her smile disappeared and her lips turned down with disappointment. “I was hoping it was the old woman or Shamus.”

“I see.” He stepped into the room, retrieved her elkskin tunic from the bed, and handed it to her. “In fact, I’m seeing entirely too much. Now that you know you can’t do any damage, will you save my blushes?”

She shrugged carelessly. “I suppose I must.” She pulled the tunic over her head. “Did you see Elspeth?”

He nodded. “Down at the corral.” His gaze went to Rising Star at the desk. “I thought I’d drop by and say hello. I haven’t seen you for a week or so.”

Rising Star’s smile lit up her face. “That is your fault. If you had not moved out of the house into the bunkhouse in the village, we would still see each other every day.” Her eyes glowed softly. “I miss you, Patrick.”

He flushed. “It was time I moved out. I’m no kid any longer and…” He trailed off awkwardly. “How are you? The baby?”

“The baby is well, and I am well.” Rising Star made a face. “Though I’ll be glad to have the next two months over with. I’m tired of being fat and ugly.”

“You’re not ugly,” Patrick said quickly.

Rising Star’s eyes twinkled. “You mean I’m only fat?”

“I didn’t say that. It’s natural…”

“For me to be fat.” Rising Star chuckled. “What’s wrong with you, Patrick? I never knew you to be at a loss for words before.” She arched a teasing brow. “Did seeing Elspeth bring about this sudden fluster?”

He blinked. “Elspeth?”

“Well, it’s time you became serious about a young woman. Why don’t you see if you can-”

“I have to leave.” He jammed his hat on his head and turned away. “I just thought I’d see how you were feeling.” He opened the door. “And to say hello to Silver, of course.”

“Of course,” Silver murmured ironically.

“I’ll see you soon.” The door closed behind him.

Rising Star’s smooth brow wrinkled in a puzzled frown. “What’s wrong with him? He’s behaving very strangely lately.”

Silver turned to her in surprise. Her aunt was not often blind to pain in the people she cared about, but there was no doubt she was not aware of the malady that afflicted Patrick. Well, Silver would not be the one to tell her. Rising Star had enough to bear without burdening her with a love she could not return. “He is not a boy any longer. You are used to thinking of him as the child you loved and taught. It is natural for him to draw apart from you now.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Rising Star said wistfully. “I’ll miss him, Silver. He always seemed like my child, my little brother…” She made a helpless gesture with one hand. “Oh, so many things.” She drew a deep breath and then straightened. “I’m being foolish to take on like this when I have so much to be grateful for.” She stood up. “Why don’t we go for a walk? It’s the only exercise I get since I gave up riding last month.”

“Why not?” Silver turned and opened the door, then she glanced back over her shoulder with a resigned smile. “I guess you’re going to make me keep on my tunic?”

“You’re entirely correct,” Rising Star said serenely.

“I was afraid you were. Oh, well, I can wait.” Silver’s eyes lit with a speculative gleam. “Shamus did not care for me wearing my ‘heathen’ clothes in Malvina’s fine dining room. Perhaps he would prefer me without any clothes at all.”

Dominic had already dismounted and thrown the reins of his horse to Ramon when Elspeth rode more slowly into the stableyard. Without a glance at her or a word to Ramon, he turned and strode across the courtyard and into the house.

Elspeth gazed after him, a multitude of emotions pouring through her-anger, fear, indignation, and something else she refused to examine closely. She was only half aware of Ramon helping her from the saddle until he spoke. “Did you have a pleasant ride, señorita?”

She looked up. “What?”

Ramon was smiling at her, his black eyes gleaming in his round olive face.

“Oh, yes, Nina behaved very well.”

“That is good. I hoped she might please you. Perhaps the next time your ride will be even more interesting.”

“I found this one interesting enough.” She handed the Mexican the reins and turned jerkily away. “Thank you, Ramon.”

“It was my pleasure, I assure you.”

She walked across the courtyard toward the front door, the muscles in her thighs and lower back protesting with every step. She wondered if she would suffer this way every time she ventured onto a horse. Surely it must lessen, or people would find a more comfortable way to get around. Dominic had appeared to experience no pain on any occasion she had ridden with him.

However, that was not a valid argument, she thought crossly. Dominic was hard in body as well as character, and would let nothing bruise or pierce that hardness. On the contrary, he would do the bruising. She involuntarily looked down at her breasts and a shiver went through her. His touch may not have marked her, but she felt as if it had. She could still feel his hands on her, branding her, possessing her.

He had been wrong. She could not want him in that wicked, lustful fashion. She had been confused and taken by surprise or she would have fought him. Yes, that was the truth of the matter-she had merely been confused.

“You move like a crippled woman.”

Elspeth turned to see Silver and Rising Star walking toward her across the courtyard. “I’m not surprised, Silver.” She opened the front door and limped into the foyer. “I believe I’ve discovered why carriages were invented. Why anyone would willingly put themselves through this agony is beyond my comprehension.”

Silver laughed. “You should have taken me with you. I would not have let you do too much. First, a soak in a hot bath, then I have some salve that will help. You will be free of pain in the morning.”

“I have grave doubts, but I fervently wish to believe you.” She glanced over her shoulder at Rising Star. “Because I’ve decided to leave day after tomorrow for Kantalan. Will you draw me the map you promised?”

Rising Star frowned. “You are sure?”

“Yes, there really wasn’t any doubt about my decision.” Elspeth smiled, “and since I am the only one going, even if the prophecy were true, it couldn’t come to pass. There have to be four to walk the streets of Kantalan, remember?”

“I remember.” Rising Star’s expression remained troubled. “Perhaps you are right.”

“I will need a guide.” Elspeth turned to Silver. “My father told me that Indians are always the best guides. Do you suppose you could hire someone for me in your village?”

“Why do you need a guide with me along?” Silver asked. “Apache girl children are trained in the same skills as boy children until they reach the time for womanhood rites. I can lead you safely to your Kantalan.”

“No, Silver, you can’t go with me. I won’t take the responsibility for placing you in any jeopardy.”

“But I want to go.”

“No!” Elspeth said with ringing determination. “Will you hire a guide for me or must I go back to Hell’s Bluff and try to find someone there?”

“You will find no one better than me,” Silver said.

“I know,” Elspeth said gently. “And no one I’d rather have with me. I’ll miss you, Silver.”

“Then why not take me along and-”

“No.”

“I will ride out this evening and find you the best guide in my village. But it is no short journey. I will not be back until tomorrow night.” Silver glared at her. “I think you are a very stubborn woman.”

Elspeth turned stiffly toward the stairs. “We’ll see how stubborn I am in a few minutes. I’m not at all sure my fortitude is going to last to get me upstairs.”

“Let me help you.” Rising Star moved quickly forward.

“Is there something wrong?” Malvina appeared in the doorway of the parlor. “Have you had an accident, Elspeth?”

“No, I’m only a bit sore and weary from my ride.”

Malvina smiled solicitously. “You must really not rush your recovery, Elspeth. It’s not wise to push yourself beyond your strength. We’ll be happy to have you here as long as you want to stay.”

Elspeth hesitated. “Silver is leaving this evening for her village to secure a guide for me, and I hope to leave Killara day after tomorrow.”

Malvina’s smile faded. “I’m sorry to hear that. We’ve scarcely begun to get acquainted with each other.”

The woman actually appeared disappointed, Elspeth thought in surprise. “Perhaps when I return from my journey you will be kind enough to let me visit,” she said gently. “I thank you for your hospitality.”

“You’re sure you can’t stay longer?” Malvina asked.

Elspeth shook her head. “It isn’t possible.”

“How unfortunate.” Malvina’s tone was abstracted as she turned away. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go tell Shamus of your decision. I’m sure Rising Star and Silver will see that you’re comfortable.” She turned and hurried down the hall.

“She’s leaving day after tomorrow on that blasted wild goose chase Patrick told us about.” Malvina closed the door behind her and gazed at Shamus sitting at the desk across the library.

“And Dominic was just in here telling me that he was leaving at dawn tomorrow to go back to Hell’s Bluff.” Shamus leaned back in his cushioned leather chair. “Something must have happened between them.”

“But not what we wanted to happen. What are we going to do?”

“We’ll work it out.” Shamus closed the account book on the desk. “Let me think about it for a while, darlin.’ ”

“I don’t want Dominic to leave again, Shamus,” she whispered. “I’m afraid every time he rides out of here that he won’t come back. I don’t want to lose another son.”

Shamus smiled reassuringly. “He won’t be leaving Killara, Malvina. Now, come over here and sit down and let’s talk it through. There’s nothing we can’t bring about if we work together.”

She slowly crossed the room and sat down on the chair next to the desk. He was right, she had been foolish to panic. They would solve this problem together as they had every one they’d ever confronted.

Shamus would think of something.

The knock on Elspeth’s door was light but firm, and the door opened before she was given a chance to answer.

A plump Mexican woman in her late thirties stood there, a broad smile on her face and a tray in her hands. “I am Rosa Gonzalez. Señora Delaney said you were very sore and must not come down to dinner. I brought you some of my soup and a glass of lemonade.”

Elspeth sat up in bed, her eyes widening in surprise. “Why, thank you. How very kind.” She reached for her dark blue robe and slipped it on over her flannel gown. “But you needn’t have done this. I’m not ill.”

Rosa stepped into the room and nudged the door shut with her shoulder. “It was no trouble. Are you less sore now?”

Elspeth nodded. “Silver rubbed me with something wonderfully soothing before she left to go back to her village.” She smiled. “At first I thought it was horse liniment, but it doesn’t smell at all terrible. Once you grow accustomed to the scent it’s even rather pleasant.”

Rosa came forward and set the tray on the table beside the bed. She sniffed. “Mint and maybe a touch of clover. That Silver is clever with her herbs. Once I had a very bad belly ache and she brewed me a drink that smelled like a dead gato but it stopped the pain.”

“I’ve found Silver clever at most things.”

Rosa turned to pluck the napkin from the tray. “I hope the soup won’t be too hot for you. I put many chili peppers in it.” She smiled tentatively. “I thought if you did not like it, the lemonade would cool you down.”

“I enjoy a touch of spice. As a child I lived for many months in India and became accustomed to exotic dishes.”

Rosa looked relieved. “That is good, I know the patrón and the señora want you to be very happy here at Killara. They would not be pleased with me if you did not like my cooking.”

“I enjoyed my dinner last night very much indeed,” Elspeth said gently. “And I’m sure this soup will be equally good.”

Rosa smiled uncertainly again and moved toward the door. “Good night, Señorita MacGregor.”

“Good night.” Elspeth gazed at the panels of the door after it had closed behind Rosa. The servant was obviously completely devoted to Shamus and Malvina and terribly afraid of displeasing them. Were all the vaqueros and servants equally loyal to the Delaneys? It must be like belonging to a wild highland clan to live with that kind of power. It was no wonder Dominic acted as if he were a law unto himself.

Well, day after tomorrow she wouldn’t have to worry about any of the Delaneys. She briskly swung her legs to the floor and reached for the white napkin on the tray and spread it on her lap. She picked up the spoon and dipped it into the fragrant soup.