Unattainable

CHAPTER FOUR

Feeling stiff and sore, the open wounds on her body burning from the soap, Ellie stepped gingerly out of Dirty’s shower and blew out a deep, shuddering breath. Grabbing the folded towel off the toilet seat, one of two that Dirty owned, she used it first to wipe off the steam-covered mirror and then wrapped it around herself, wincing as the stiff material chafed against her damaged skin.

Then she turned back to the mirror and just stared. Stared at her split bottom lip, at the mottled bruising covering the left side of her face, at her left eye still swollen shut, at the angry red bite marks across her neck.

Feeling suddenly light-headed, her knees began to shake and she gripped the sides of the sink in order to remain standing. What would have happened if Dirty hadn’t shown up?

“You would have been raped,” she whispered to her disfigured reflection. “You would have been raped and more than likely killed.”

Killed, because she couldn’t fathom that the chief of police would rape a woman and then let her live to tell the tale. And considering how violent he’d been just trying to get her to submit to his advances, there was not a doubt in her mind that it only would have worsened.

How could he have possibly thought she’d want to have sex with him? And in an alleyway, no less? She barely knew him! For God’s sake, the only reason she’d kissed him was because of the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, clouding her better judgment. She didn’t kiss men on the first date and that hadn’t even been a date!

And, God, just the thought of that awful kiss…

Her stomach rolled remembering how he’d practically shoved his tongue down her throat while furiously groping her and then, after she’d tried pushing him off her, when he wouldn’t let go, his pawing worsened after she’d realized what was happening and she’d started screaming.

Ellie’s gut lurched and she dropped to her knees. She’d barely gotten the toilet seat up before her stomach emptied. She continued to vomit as the memories assaulted her—Daniel’s fist slamming into her face not once but three times, his hand wrapping around her throat, his other ripping at her clothing, and then feeling his penis pushing against her, unable to stop him, unable to do anything other than lie on the filthy ground and bleed.

She was still bent over the toilet, dry heaving, her stomach long empty, tears streaming painfully down her swollen face, when there was a knock on the door.

“Ellie?”

“I-I’m…f-fine,” she choked out, acid-flavored saliva dripping from her mouth, obscuring her words. But she wasn’t fine, she was so far from fine. She felt disgusting, violated, and utterly terrified. Who did you go to when it was the police who hurt you? What was left?

As it was, Dirty had already attempted to blow the man’s head off. What if Daniel had recognized him as he ran for safety? Was he going to come for Dirty?

One thing was for certain, she had to get out of Miles City as quickly as possible and back to her life in Bozeman. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if Daniel was hell-bent on silencing her and came after her? Then what? Daniel came from a powerful family with loads of money. He would undoubtedly have connections within the law, probably even countrywide.

Oh God, what was she supposed to do now?

“Are you sure?” Dirty asked.

Gripping the rim of the toilet bowl, Ellie pushed herself to a semistanding position and glanced at her pile of torn, bloodstained clothing. She sure as hell wasn’t putting that back on. In fact, the first chance she got she was going to burn it all.

But she absolutely was not going to prance around in only a towel in front of Dirty, an aptly named pervert who’d once demanded she get on her knees and suck him off. Never mind the criminal aspect, she’d never liked going to the club with Danny for the sole reason that all the men there were foul-mouthed and disgusting.

Yet Dirty had saved her, and not just from being sexually assaulted but from being killed as well. And so far, since she’d woken up, he hadn’t said more than three words to her. He’d kept his distance and, strangely enough, looked more uncomfortable with her presence than she felt.

What choice did she have? At the moment, she needed his help. Who knew what Daniel was doing at that very moment? Was he at her parents’ house looking for her? She closed her eyes, suddenly very grateful she’d planned on surprising them.

Suddenly, her rental car came to mind. It was still parked outside the high school just begging for a ticket, and if she got a ticket her name would pop up, and if her name popped up…

Frantic, she grabbed for the doorknob and flung the door wide open, revealing a startled Dirty. “My rental car!” she cried out. “It’s parked outside the school.”

In the process of backing quickly away from her, Dirty paused. “So?” he asked.

“It’s going to get ticketed. And Daniel will know I’m still here! He’ll find me!”

Dirty blinked. “Daniel,” he said slowly and Ellie realized, in her panic, she’d just given the name of her attacker away, something she’d planned on keeping quiet in order to protect herself.

She knew the moment Dirty figured out exactly who Daniel was. His expression went from confused to not only hostile, but frightening. Murderous.

“Mooresville,” he growled menacingly. “Chief fucktard? That’s who motherfuckin’ did this to you?”

Ellie swallowed hard. What now? She obviously needed help and it wasn’t as if her parents could do anything. Dirty, as well as the Horsemen, she supposed, were her only option. The more she thought about it, the more a small sense of comfort began to soothe her tightly strung nerves. If anyone could take on the law and win, it was Deuce West. As it was, Dirty had already tried to kill the man.

“Yes,” she whispered, feeling disgusted with herself. “God, I was so stupid. What was I thinking kissing him?”

The next thing she knew Dirty was grabbing her shoulders, painfully squeezing her bruised skin. The smell of body odor, motor oil, and cigarette smoke hit her like a punch in the gut and she recoiled.

“Fuck that!” he hissed, shaking her. “This shit isn’t your fault. This is that rich, thinks-he’s-fuckin’-entitled-to-anything-he-fuckin’-wants asshole’s fault.”

“Stop!” she cried, her terror from last night resurfacing. “Please, you’re hurting me!”

Dirty froze and a breath later released her. She scrambled backward, back into the safety of the bathroom, and tried to breathe as her heart pounded painfully, wondering how she was going to escape Dirty when he was blocking her only exit. But when she looked back at him, she found him looking nearly as afraid as she felt. Not only was he holding his grease-stained hands out in front of him, he was staring down at them in disbelief.

Then he glanced up at her and his eyes went wide. It took Ellie a moment to realize what was wrong; she was naked, her towel had fallen from her body in her mad scramble for safety. Quickly, she snatched her towel from the floor and held it against her body and the second she did, Dirty suddenly spun around, facing the hallway.

“I’m sorry,” Dirty said, his voice suddenly hoarse. “Fuck, I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

Ellie didn’t say anything, just stared at his back, at his hole-ridden T-shirt and the filthy jeans sagging off his body.

“Hang here,” he continued, his voice rough. “I’m goin’ to the club, gonna let Deuce handle this shit.”

As soon as Dirty took his first step forward, Ellie panicked. “Wait!” she cried and Dirty froze.

“Don’t leave me here alone!”

She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to take the chance that Daniel had seen Dirty last night and would come looking for him or her or both of them.

“Fuck,” Dirty muttered. “Fuckin’ fuck.”

Ellie waited with bated breath to see what he would say next, hoping and praying he wasn’t going to abandon her.

• • •

Holy fucking shit. Holy what-the-fuck fucking shit. Dirty was going to throw up. He was going to fucking spew his guts all over the damn place. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why had he grabbed her? He could still feel her skin on his palms, warm and damp from her shower, her body quivering, the fear in her voice.

She’d been nearly raped in a filthy alleyway, beaten unconscious, and he’d only further terrified her. Then, if shit wasn’t already fucking awful, he’d seen her naked.

She’d gained weight since he’d last seen her as a teenager. She’d been curvy before but she was all curves now. Her stomach far from flat, her full breasts hung heavy, and her thighs were dimpled with extra weight.

His brothers, most of them, would have taken one look at her and passed on her in favor of a thinner, more aesthetically pleasing female.

Actually, most of the boys steered clear of black women. Some of them because, yeah, they were fucking racist, others because brothers knew better than to mess with a sister. Most of the black women they encountered were gang-affiliated, and not women who messed around. If you wanted a black bitch in your bed, you’d better have plans on making her your old lady unless you wanted to find your balls no longer attached to your body.

But none of it was off-putting to him. Dirty never discriminated; he didn’t give two fucks who he was fucking because 99.9% of the time they didn’t have a clue they were being fucked, and the other 0.1%…

Tap stepped in front of Deuce. “Hold off a minute, Prez,” he said, looking down at Mama Vi, his mouth slowly curving into a grin. “Lemme have at her first.”

“Fuck you,” Deuce muttered. “This bitch needs to be put the fuck down.”

“Yeah,” Tap said, his eyes never once leaving Mama Vi. “But first I’m gonna show her what the fuck happens when some fuckin’ cunt thinks she can mess with my club.”

“You just wanna fuck her,” Cox said, lighting up a smoke. “Don’t lie.”

Tap shrugged. “That too.”

Dirty had been standing off to the side waiting for it, watching Tap closely, knowing exactly what was running through the brother’s mind, waiting for Deuce to okay it before he jumped on board.

He didn’t get the chance very often to take a woman while she was conscious, a woman he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to, beat her, brutally fuck her like a goddamn animal, relish in hearing her beg and scream.

Because unlike most of the women he fucked, this bitch deserved what she was about to get.

She was a cold-blooded killer; a bitch who had tortured and killed without remorse, a bitch who deserved to go out in the worst possible way, and women like her, Dirty didn’t lose any sleep over what he was about to do.

But he never initiated it. He let Tap or Bucket or Dimebag take the lead. Deuce already knew he was fucked in the head. He didn’t want his prez thinking he was a loose cannon, giving Deuce a reason to strip his patch.

“I’m in,” Dirty said, joining Tap. He kneeled down beside Mama Vi and grabbed a handful of her hair, yanking her head up. “Don’t let the lack of a mustache fool ya, baby,” he said, grinning, stroking his full beard. “I’m always down for a gang bang.”

“There ain’t nothin’ you can do to me,” she hissed, “that ain’t already been done.”

Dirty’s grin grew wider. That’s what she thought. His foster mother had proven useful in situations such as these. The sick bitch had an imagination to rival that of anything he’d ever read about.

“Yeah?” he asked. “You hear that, Tap? Guess we’re gonna have to get creative.”

Whatever, as long as he got to hurt her. Because he needed to hurt her; he needed to hurt someone, anyone, because he hurt so fucking bad all the damn time and it never left him, not once, he didn’t get even five fucking seconds of peace, never, fucking ever. It was always there, a constant reminder that he was a worthless piece of fucking shit, a blight on humanity, that he was trash, used up and broken, unfixable, worse even, because he’d become the monster he’d hated most of all.

“Brother, I am all about creative.”

“Have at her,” Deuce said. Grabbing hold of her bound hands, Deuce yanked her to her feet and shoved her forward into Dirty’s arms. “But it’s me who’s gonna be puttin’ her to ground.”

Dirty didn’t waste any time ripping Mama Vi’s shirt open. Then, while Tap was unbuttoning his leathers, Dirty pulled her jeans down.

“You go right ahead and scream, bitch,” Tap growled, grabbing her neck, squeezing tightly and forcing her to bend over.

And when it was Dirty’s turn, he damn sure made that bitch scream.

But this was different.

Dirty didn’t want to hurt Ellie, he didn’t want to make her scream.

Did he?

Fuck.

She looked so soft and warm. She looked the complete opposite of the women he fucked; the women who reminded him of…

HER.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d looked upon the front of a naked woman’s body for any length of time. He’d never fucked a woman on her back. Not since…

He couldn’t look at them. It was too…

It was disgusting and beautiful all at the same time.

Fuck, he couldn’t look at their breasts, their pussy, without getting nauseous, without his body growing clammy and paralyzing panic taking root inside of him. It didn’t even matter that he dosed the women he fucked, he still couldn’t look at them, even unconscious. Fuck, for the most part he couldn’t even touch a conscious woman without feeling the overwhelming urge to bolt. Or jerk off. Or puke. Or knock her out and fuck her. Or kill them, someone, himself. Or all of the above.

None of which he wanted to do in front of Ellie. Or to Ellie. Jesus Christ, why was he suddenly all fucked-up and confused? Why had it been him to find her? This was the very last thing he needed. He had to get the fuck away from her before he did something very stupid.

“I’ll call Deuce,” he said, hearing the agony he was feeling in his voice. “Tell him to come here, okay?”

For a moment he didn’t think she was going to respond, but there was no fucking way in hell he was going to turn around. In fact, he was going to go sit in the kitchen, in a corner, facing the wall until Deuce got here.

“Okay,” she finally whispered. “Thank you.”

Dirty hightailed it down the hallway, already dialing Deuce. Hitting the kitchen, he fell to his knees and waited for his prez to pick up.

“Yeah?”

“Got a problem.”

“What?”

His voice shaking, Dirty did his best to explain everything that had transpired since last night and then he waited for Deuce to respond.

“Ellie?” Deuce asked. “As in Danny’s Ellie?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure it was Mooresville?”

“She is,” Dirty said. “I didn’t get a good look at him.”

“Fuck,” Deuce growled. “I don’t need this shit. We got a huge deal about to go down and I need that fucker in place, and I’m thinkin’ he ain’t gonna be in place if he’s too busy worryin’ ’bout Ellie rattin’ him out.”

That was not what Dirty wanted to hear.

“She can’t stay here, Prez,” he whispered. “You gotta get her outta my place.”

Deuce went silent.

“Brother,” Deuce said after several moments. “Did you do somethin’ I need to know about?”

“No,” he gritted out. “But I need her the fuck outta here.”

“Gimme fifteen,” Deuce said quickly. “And I’ll be there.”

Trembling, Dirty let his phone fall to the linoleum with a loud clatter and then his head dropped and he pressed his forehead against the wall. Fifteen minutes. He could keep his shit together for fifteen minutes.