Untamed

colors

Two years ago

You were pearl white

I was midnight blue.

We became sky blue.

Pearl gone, midnight gone

All sky blue.

But now, sometimes, you go.

To a meeting, to a friend, an opinion, a show.

When you go, I’m left with me again.

You take your pearl. I feel my midnight again.

This is right, I know.

Midnight is how I make things.

I just thought, for a minute, that I was gone.

I miss being gone.

The end of the Beginning is existing again.

We will be beautiful and strong side by side.

But between you and me (between pearl and midnight)

I liked sky blue better.

I look at that poem now, and I think: Glennon, you are always so desperate to find yourself and ready to abandon yourself. You so badly want to be seen and to disappear. You have forever been desperate to yell “HERE I AM” and to fade away at the very same time.

Abby and I have been normal people for a couple of years now. We are in the next part now. The initial buzz has worn off, but sometimes we’re sky blue again. It’s not a permanent state anymore; it comes in fleeting moments. It happens when we make love, steal a kiss in the kitchen, catch each other’s eyes when the kids do something amazing. Mostly, though, we’re separate colors. This is a beautiful thing, because we can really see each other. I have decided that I want to be in love with a person, not a feeling. I want to be found in love, not lost in it. I’d rather exist than disappear. I’m going to be midnight forever. That’s perfect.