When We Met

prologue

Misha hugged herself around her middle. Chills raced down her spine and crystallized the blood in her veins. She felt sick. So sick. Tears streamed from her eyes fast and hard, dripping from her chin as she bent at the waist and cried toward the ground. As she stood in the front yard of his house, confronting him with the video she’d found, her body trembled with a shock of grief. “How could you do this to me?”

Hunter laughed, a sound of insult as it rumbled up his throat and passed through the smug smile curling his lips. He inclined his head to capture her attention up from her own feet. Like a deer blinded by the light, she froze, locked in the clutches of the blue gaze she’d once thought so tender and kind. Now those eyes simmered with derision.

“Knew you had it in you, Misha.” His voice raked the taunt, cutting her deeper with each biting word. “The good girl act . . . I saw right through it. You’re just as easy as the rest of the sluts around here, aren’t you?” His face twisted with morbid satisfaction. “Of course that amazing fuck was worth the hundred dollars I had on the line.”

“A h-h-h-hundred dollars?” She stuttered over the question, her tongue thick as she tried to force the words around the shame clogging her throat. Confusion and disbelief spun with the heartbreak. Her knees went weak.

Hunter moved closer, his nose an inch from hers. “A h-h-h-hundred dollars?” he mocked, pouring salt into her oldest wounds.

Misha sucked in a pained breath and squeezed her eyes shut.

“What? Do you think you’re worth more than that?”

Misha recoiled from the insult.

He might as well have slapped her.

He’d already ruined her life.

Abruptly he straightened and took two steps back. “Because you’re not.” He released a lazy chuckle, casually running a hand through his blond hair like she meant nothing at all. Then he turned and left her there.

The sob she struggled to hold in broke free, and Misha stumbled over the patchy lawn as heartbreak tore through her.

Betrayal and humiliation penetrated all the way to her bones. Horror flamed her heated cheeks, streams of tears flowing like a river of fire scalding her flaming flesh. But this heat was nothing like the blush that kissed her skin with shyness, the way the crimson colored her face when the slightest bit of attention was cast on her.

No.

Because this? This was anguish.

Misha couldn’t fathom the viciousness, couldn’t comprehend that one person could be so cruel. She’d believed he’d cared about her. Loved her. He’d promised her she was everything.

Turned out she was just a pawn in some sick, twisted game.

chapter one

Misha

Three months later

What am I doing here?

I looked up at the dusty blue two-story house—the house I’d shared with three other girls, Indy, Courtney, and Chloe, during my sophomore year. Nostalgia billowed through me on a soft wave. I’d loved so much of my time here, learning how to spread my wings, to fly on my own without the shelter of my parents, who’d made it their lifelong duty to protect me from the vile dangers of this world.

My head shook with remorse. It hadn’t taken me long to be ensnared in its traps, had it?

After Hunter’s betrayal, I’d run straight home to Wisconsin and right into my mother’s waiting arms. Completely crushed. I’d sworn to never return here, too ashamed to be seen walking the halls of the university I’d attended in Ann Arbor, Michigan, since my freshman year of college.

Summer had passed in some kind of blur, my heart searching for a way to mend after it had been shattered beyond recognition. No longer did I fully recognize myself. The endless smile was wiped from my mouth and the naive trust I’d held in this world disintegrated into nothing.

But here I was, back in Michigan, standing in the driveway of the house I shared with my roommates. As much as I didn’t want to look, I couldn’t stop my gaze from wandering, latching warily on to the dingy white house next door.

Nausea pooled in my stomach as my eyes were drawn up the side of the house to the last window on the second floor. Behind that window was the room where I’d given Hunter my innocence. My hand fisted at my side, all of me protesting that thought. No. Where Hunter had stolen my innocence. Behind that window was where he’d hurt me, humiliated and shamed me.

For all my life I’d seen the best in people. My mother had always told me it was what made me who I was, why I glowed and smiled and shed a radiant light on the rest of the world. She said it was what made me good and begged me to never let it go.

Hunter taught me it just made me a fool.

“There you are.”

Tearing my eyes away, I turned to Indy as she stepped out onto the front porch of the house. Red hair whipped around her face, green eyes watching me where I stood at the end of the walkway.

“It’s about time you got here. It’s Happy Hour and we’re making drinks. Get your ass inside.”

I felt the heat rush to my face, and I chewed at my bottom lip, grabbed the two suitcases I’d taken from my car, and began to haul them behind me.

Happy Hour.

Ha.

I hadn’t truly been happy since I left this place three months ago.

Junior year started in just three days. I didn’t think I’d be a part of it, resigning myself to giving up my dreams and transferring to a small school in Wisconsin, never turning back. Indy had convinced me I was wrong. She’d been betrayed, too, her jerk of a boyfriend hurting her, and she needed me back in the house. Just as much as I needed to be here.

I’d missed it. Now that I was here, I could admit that I knew I didn’t want to run away. By my doing so, all I had accomplished was allowing Hunter to win his nasty game.

He’d stolen something precious from me. I wouldn’t let him steal the internship I’d worked so hard for, too. Helping the kids there was the most important thing in my life, the one true thing that had called me back to Michigan. I couldn’t rid those innocent little faces from swirling through my mind, those little kids being the ones I planned on dedicating my life to.

No, I wouldn’t allow him to steal them, too.

The final key had been Indy telling me Hunter had been booted from the house next door, voted out when his three roommates found out he was the one who’d been responsible.

My heart warmed in a way I thought was no longer possible. I still couldn’t believe they’d taken up my side, supported me after I’d been so gullible.

It didn’t mean I loved the idea of someone else there, living in that room where I had been played like a cheap, worn-out piano.

Condemned.

That was what I wanted it to be. The room should be taped off and boarded up so no one could enter its repulsive walls. Even better, pummeled into a million tiny pieces by a wrecking ball. Maybe then the memory of what had happened there would be pulverized along with it.

I knew he would still roam the campus, that some people would think me someone I was not, that there would be times when I’d bear the brunt of the curse he’d cast on me. But I took comfort in knowing I wouldn’t have to witness that same smug, self-satisfied expression he’d looked at me with when I confronted him, when he laughed and mocked me, tossing me aside like a piece of trash.

Never again would I allow myself to fall prey to a guy like that. Lesson learned—the hard way.

I ascended the five wooden steps to the covered porch, my suitcases bouncing as I dragged them up behind me. I let them go and hugged Indy.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered near my ear.

I squeezed her tighter, sad the two of us were sharing in some kind of brokenhearted kinship.

“I’m so sorry to hear about Dean,” I mumbled into her shoulder.

“Me, too.” She pulled away, swiping away a tear. She gestured toward the door. “Come on, let’s get your stuff inside and then we need to catch up.”

I followed her through the front door. Inside, the main room was cramped with three couches. We spent a lot of time here, watching TV, lounging, and talking, sometimes studying, and this was where our friends hung out when they came over.

One of our other roommates, Chloe, sat on one of the couches, typing furiously on her laptop. She glanced up, squealed when she saw me in the doorway. “You’re back!”

She set her laptop aside and hopped up to welcome me.

I hugged her. “Thanks for letting me come back.”

“Pshh . . .” She smiled a playful smile, waves of her short blond hair swishing around her face. “Like we wanted to go through the trouble of looking for a new roommate.”

Courtney, the last of my roommates, ducked her head through the opening to the kitchen. “Misha’s back!” Her statement was no question, but tossed out in a loud greeting. “You don’t know how glad I am that Indy was able to drag you back here where you belong.”

There was no question they were working to play it light, to pretend like this heaviness didn’t surround me, like tears wouldn’t fall at the drop of a dime or at the mention of his name.

“I’m glad to be back,” I forced myself to say, doing my best to make it the truth. I smiled softly at them all. “I’m going to go upstairs and get settled.”

Courtney nodded. “Just let us know if you need anything. Indy and I are making drinks. We require your presence in . . .” She studied her watchless wrist. “Oh . . . two point five minutes.”

I giggled, feeling another flare of redness seep to my cheeks, and I self-consciously blew back a thick black curl that had fallen in my face. “How about five?”

“Deal.”

I headed upstairs. On each side of the hall were two doors, four bedrooms taking up the second floor. Straight back at the end of the hall was a bathroom and a door to the side that led up to the open attic. We’d stuffed it full of pillows of every size, the floor just one huge, soft, squishy mess. I loved to escape to its quiet sanctuary, to maybe get lost in a book, to set myself free in my imagination.

After Hunter, I was sure I’d be hiding out up there a lot, stowed and locked away from all the things I didn’t want to face.

Sadness swallowed me when I opened the second door on the right and let myself into my small room. Everything was how I’d left it, minus the pictures I’d torn from the walls and the belongings I’d shoved into plastic bags that night three months ago when I left as quickly as I could, completely broken and having no clue how I’d go on, sure I would never come back to this place I loved.

Standing in the silence of my room, I made a resolution that I now would go on.

And I’d never allow myself to be so vulnerable again.

chapter two

Misha

Sucking in a steadying breath, I hiked my backpack higher up on my shoulders. My hand fluttered on the front doorknob. The cool metal beneath my palm passed through me like some kind of warning I couldn’t shake.

My first class of the semester started in an hour. I knew I had to make it out this door, hold my chin up, and face the world that I . . . well . . . the world I really didn’t want to face.

But I hadn’t come back here to be a coward, to become some kind of pathetic, reclusive girl who holed herself up in her room like I’d been doing since I came back to this house three days ago. I hated feeling like this, my heart all twisted up in my ribs, pounding so hard I was pretty sure I could see it beating under my shirt. Nerves wobbled my legs, my breaths heaving as they panted in and out of my parted lips.

I can do this.

I forced myself to turn the knob and stepped out onto the covered porch. The soles of my shoes thudded on the wooden floor, echoing as I propelled myself across the deck.

I can do this, I chanted over and over, my lips moving without sound as I studied my feet.

At the edge of the porch, I stepped down onto the top step and into the light. The light I hadn’t seen in days, my blinds drawn and my room cloaked in shadows for too long, the overbearing darkness filling me with melancholy and fear and questions of whether I really should have returned.

Now rays of shimmering sunlight beat down, wrapping me up in a soft hug of warmth, embracing my pale skin. Goose bumps lifted on my arms as the days I’d spent in dread seemed to clash with the greeting of the sun.

I lifted my face to the sky, my eyes dropping closed as I relished the sweet feel of the cool breeze and warm sun that tickled gentle fingers of comfort across my face.

And I stood in awed welcome of the day.

Winter would be here soon enough, ushering in the cold. This beautiful day was a stark reminder that I couldn’t allow Hunter to steal the best of life from me. Hiding in my room just meant I was again allowing him to take another piece of myself by giving in to the worry and questions.

I pulled the deepest breath into the well of my lungs. Clean, crisp air filled me up like a soothing balm that could be inhaled, a tangible solace that could be tucked somewhere deep inside myself, becoming a vital piece of who I was.

Something I hadn’t felt in so long stirred in my heart. A swirl of joy blossomed in my belly, sending a swell of appreciation right along with it. A feeling that everything might just be okay quietly slipped through my body on a hushed wave.

“I can do this,” I whispered again, only this time I uttered it aloud, the encouragement ringing through my ears to give a boost of confidence to my downtrodden spirit.

This time I believed it.

Slowly my eyes blinked open to the bright blue canopy above, and I shook myself off, skipped down the steps. I headed down the walkway leading away from the house, my face downturned and focused on my white canvas shoes.

Awareness prickled along my spine, lifting the hairs at the nape of my neck. On its own accord, my head drifted to the side where the upheaval of energy radiated, barreling into every last one of my senses.

I slowed to a stop.

It was doubtful anything in this world could have forced me to keep walking.

My lips parted in surprise, and a little “Oh” dropped from my mouth. My heart stuttered and all the heat of the sun landed square on my face, my cheeks flaming so hot I felt it burn somewhere in my stomach.

In the driveway next door sat a car I’d never seen before, one I didn’t recognize, one there was no question I would have remembered had it ever appeared in my sight. It was completely blacked out . . . all of it . . . the windows and the wheels and the body. It looked fast and dangerous and set off all kinds of bells in my head, every last one of them screaming a blaring warning.

Trouble.

But the car wasn’t what had me trapped. It was the guy tucked under the hood, hovering over the powerful engine, who had frozen me to the spot. The guy braced the wide span of his arms over the entirety of it, holding himself up and craning his head to the side as he stared across the short distance at me. The shaggy thatch of dark brown hair that flopped over his forehead did nothing to obstruct the unsettling intensity of his hazel eyes. Even in the space between us, I knew they were mostly green, but the sun caught flecks of gold that made them seem to glimmer with mischief.

He was wearing nothing but a pair of snug-fitting jeans, his strong chest and arms bare, the sheen of sweat covering it glistening in the sun, just enough to accentuate every ripple of muscle he had exposed.

Oh. My. God.

I chewed at my lip and attempted to look away, but my gaze was all tangled with his, locked up and wrenched tight with the eyes that seemed to be holding all of my functions hostage—eyes that were narrowed and burning with curiosity.

A lump grew in my throat.

Did he recognize me?

Shame scorched me all the way to my core.

Still I couldn’t look away.

Without taking his gaze from me, he pulled himself from under the hood. He grabbed a rag as he propped his hip up on the edge of his car, meticulous as he began to wipe the grease from his hands.

Seconds passed, or maybe hours, I wasn’t sure, everything a blur as my body waged a war with my mind, every rational thought I had sent to slay the fearful fascination this stranger sent speeding through my veins. Just looking at him had set the million butterflies that had lain dormant in my stomach scattering. They fluttered fast, teasing me with the unwanted attraction my traitor body was giving in to with just a glimpse of a cute boy.

Cute boy.

Ha.

This guy . . . man . . . whatever you wanted to call him . . . wasn’t cute.

He looked like some sort of avenging angel. Too beautiful to be real. Maybe he was here to collect my soul, to make me pay for the sins Hunter had led me into.

Those butterflies dipped and dove when he spoke, his voice deep and rough, no doubt created for the sole purpose of enticing guileless girls into temptation. “So, are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day, or are you going to introduce yourself?”

Flustered, I shook my head, blinking as I took a stumbling step away from him, my mouth dropping open just a little more.

I spent a dumbfounded moment trying to process his words.

Did he really just say what I think he did?

What an arrogant jerk.

“I think you have a little something . . . right here,” he continued. With his index finger, he tapped at the cocky, curled-up edge of his lips, teasing me as he wiped the imaginary drool from the corner of his mouth. His taunting touch left behind a smudge of grease on his gorgeous face.

Dirty.

That thought ratcheted up my confusion a thousandfold, just like that wrench he’d been wielding against the bolt in the engine of his car. I was pretty sure this guy could twist me so tight he’d strip me bare.

I’d been screwed enough. Not again.

“Y-y-you were looking first,” I stammered over the lame defense, my voice strained and sounding a little too much like a petulant child’s.

Damn it! He had me hot and bothered in places I didn’t even know existed.

His head tipped to the side, tossing locks of his dark brown hair around his face. Then he shrugged. There was nothing I could do to stop my eyes from traveling to the defined planes of his chest.

I swallowed hard and tried to get my bearings.

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Not good.

It was like the bait that lured prey to the sharp teeth of a trap, too tempting to resist. Everything about the movement was predatory.

I could almost smell him, all man and grease and sex.

“So what if I was?” he asked, nonchalant, that rough voice tossing the contention out without the slightest hint of shame. He cocked an eyebrow as his eyes made a slow pass down my body.

I almost gasped in relief when he released me from the chains of his stare. Of course, he just dragged his attention right back up, and those searing eyes made me their prisoner again.

“You did look at yourself in the mirror this morning, didn’t you? You can hardly blame me.”

Redness bloomed hot and fast, and I let my hair fall in my face, obstructing the reaction I had to this boy.

Er . . . man or god or whatever he was.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I refused to take his grimy come-on as a compliment.

I wanted to stomp my foot and tell him so. Instead I just stood there with my mouth still hanging open like some kind of blubbering fool.

He pushed himself from his car.

Panic thudded my pulse.

I wasn’t sure I could handle this guy getting any closer than he already was.

His expression shifted again, his head steadily drifting to the side as he approached, like he was doing his best to dig around in my thoughts.

I wasn’t letting him go there. Instead I dug around in myself for courage, lifting my trembling chin as if I were brave instead of the shivering coward I felt like.

“Do you really need an introduction?” I asked with almost a sneer. “Figured you’d already know who I am.” Spitting out those words took up the last of my pride, and I was suddenly feeling like a fraud, saying things like someone I was not. My eyes flew to the ground, and I studied a weed growing up through a crack in the pathway as I said a silent prayer that he didn’t know. Obviously I didn’t want anyone to know, this blight something I wished I could obliterate from history.

But him?

Something inside me twisted. I would do anything to be spared that humiliation.

I peeked up through the veil of my hair when I noticed him gesture behind me. That mischief was back in his eyes, only this time it was lighter, like their potency was no longer a threat. He grinned. “I’m no genius, but based on the fact that you just came out of that house wearing a backpack on the first day of classes, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re one of my new neighbors.”

He’d turned casual, which was about the last thing I was feeling.

“But do you know my name?” I demanded, my hand curling into a fist at my side.

Do you know my face? was what I was really asking, almost begging him to relieve me of the burden.

“Well, let’s see . . . Kier filled me in on all the neighbors.” He lifted his gaze to the sky, as if he were thinking back to their conversation.

Kier was one of the guys who lived next door, quiet, nice. I’d always liked him. I was close to feeling relieved, because I felt almost positive he wouldn’t divulge my secret.

New guy raised his hand and lifted his index finger. “Chloe.” He held up a second. “Indy.” He continued on, checking off all of us girls. “Misha and Courtney.” A smirk twisted up one side of his mouth. “Guess I’d feel pretty confident betting on the fact that you belong to one of those names.”

Discomfort shifted my feet, and I finally forced my name around the lump this guy had seemed to permanently wedge at the base of my throat. “M-M-Misha.” I tucked an errant curl blowing around in my face behind my ear, my nod shy and unsure. “I’m M-M-Misha. Misha Crosse.”

His eyes narrowed again, studying. Then he shook his head, raking his plump bottom lip between his teeth. He freed it with an easy smile.

Dear Lord.

“Darryn. Darryn Wild.” He stuck his hand out between us. I eyed it warily. Those bells were ringing. Don’t touch. Off-limits. Danger.

But he was smiling this cute smile, and my hand tingled, twitching toward his. What could a handshake hurt?

“Oh, come on, Misha, I know you want to touch me.” This time, he didn’t touch the corner of his mouth but reached out to touch mine.

Shivers raced down my spine and sent something tumbling around in my stomach that I didn’t want to recognize, and I prayed another prayer that the drool he lifted from my face was imaginary, too.

At this point, I wasn’t so sure.

Fantastic. The guys next door had just traded one asshole for another. And to think for a second I’d almost been duped into thinking he was nice.

I didn’t like it, didn’t like thinking this jerk was sleeping in Hunter’s room, didn’t like his things there or his thoughts there or his ripped, muscled body stretched out like Satan’s seduction across that bed.

And I really couldn’t stand the cocky grin that was playing all over one side of his perfect mouth.

But mostly I just hated that he managed to make me feel this way.

One of these days I was going to learn to trust my instincts. I’d had them that night with Hunter, this feeling sparking inside me, alerting me that something was off.

No day like the present.

“You wish,” I spat at him, doing my best to sound intimidating and not like some scared little creature who wanted to find a rock to hide behind.

My eyes made a pass over the yard, wishing that overnight a huge boulder had miraculously been dropped into our yard.

Nope.

No such luck.

He laughed, the sound thick and throaty and arrogant. Part of me wanted to smack him, while the other part wanted to beg him to do it again.

Damn it!

Damn him.

“I wish, huh?” He eyed me up and down. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

I huffed, and he chuckled again.

Refusing to submit myself to his torture any longer, I turned and stomped away, scolding myself under my breath. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I ranted, my lips moving silently as I pounded down the sidewalk toward campus. Mounds of curls bounced angrily around my face as I left Darryn Wild staring behind me. “I hate boys,” I muttered hard. “Jerks. Every last one of them.”

I was so angry he’d managed to make me stutter and stumble all over myself.

It didn’t matter if he was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen.

No way, not a chance.

I’d been there before.

And I wasn’t about to go there again.

chapter three

Darryn

I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face as I watched her storm away. Thick, heavy black curls bounced all around her shoulders and down her back, her little hands twisted up in the tightest fists at her sides.

Like a feisty little kitten with a cute button nose and wide curious eyes, skittish and scared and completely naive.

Pretty sure I could have said boo and she would have run.

I chewed at my lip, fighting the grin.

Yeah, I knew her.

Knew her face and her name and that fucking incredible body, all curvy and full and just about the most damned perfect thing I’d ever seen.

Why I lied when she’d asked me such a pointed question, I didn’t know. I knew exactly what she’d been referring to, that video I’d been trying to get off my mind for the last month. But it was like she’d been pleading with those huge, hopeful eyes—brown eyes so dark they were nearly as black as her hair—to spare her, like a lie would be so much easier than the truth.

Or maybe it was because she was nothing like I expected. I expected some raving hot bitch, all sass and sex and mile-long legs, with pouty full lips and vacant black eyes.

What I wasn’t expecting was a girl who blushed so red I was pretty sure she was going to incinerate with just the slightest hint of attention. Didn’t expect a girl who stuttered over her own damned name.

God, I’d just spent the last five minutes being a total ass to her, egging her on, but I couldn’t help it. Every time she blushed, my dick stirred to life and my heart pounded a little too hard, this girl some kind of sweet contradiction, all sexy and shy and so damned adorable I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and never let her go. Couldn’t tell if I wanted to haul her off to snuggle up on the couch or tear all her clothes from her and teach her every dirty trick I knew.

But it became clear really fast.

This girl didn’t do dirty.

For a fleeting second, my eyes shot up to the room I’d rented out when Hunter was canned. Yeah. I knew him, too.

Anger spiked deep in my gut, and I sucked in a breath as I turned back to the curly mane of black stalking away from me, no doubt still cursing my name.

Hunter.

I was hit with the intense need to take the asshole out.

He needed to pay for treating a girl as sweet as Misha the way he had.

Guilt reared its ugly head, sneering at me, reminding me I was just as bad as the rest of them.

How many times had I fantasized about kissing the hell out of that pouty mouth? About my hands palming her hips while she rode me, her hair falling over her shoulders, just brushing over her full tits as I looked up at her while she drove me right out of my mind with pleasure?

Misha peeked back at me, her eyes going wide when she caught me still standing there ogling her as she walked away. For a second I saw her little kitty claws come out, like she was about to make a valiant attempt to protect her sweet little self, before she gave herself over to all the insecurities swimming so visibly in her eyes. But then she just ducked her head and rushed to turn the corner.

I shook my head, tossed my rag back to the engine of my car, and chuckled aloud. Thought I’d had a finger on her. Wasn’t even close.

But one thing hadn’t changed.

I still wanted to kiss the hell out of that pouty mouth.

chapter four

Misha

My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I pulled it out and squinted at the screen as I navigated through the drove of students who were spilling out of the lecture hall.

A small smile pulled at my mouth when I read the needy message from Indy.

COFFEE?!?!

I tapped out a quick reply.

Be there in two :)

Changing course, I pushed through the throbbing herd of bodies, heading for Common Grounds, the little coffee shop Indy and I had made a habit of frequenting between classes last year. School had started last week. Indy was still having a really rough time after her breakup with Dean, and I was doing my best to spend as much time with my friend as I could, hoping my presence would ease her mind in some way. She’d worried me this last weekend, coming home so blitzed out I didn’t think she even knew her own name.

My days?

I risked peeking up at the faces that blazed by me without a care. There was no hint of recognition, not a soul who paid me any mind. Relief slipped through me, just under the surface of my skin, a buzzing gratitude flooding me as I gave thanks for the mercy I’d somehow been granted. I’d settled into some kind of routine, keeping my head down and my focus entirely on school and my internship. Each day that passed with no one saying anything to me just gave me another boost of confidence¸ an affirmation that I really belonged here.

Seeing my kids yesterday was confirmation.

I’d walked into that building and all of them had run up to me, calling my name as they laughed and smiled and hugged my legs.

Being with them was worth any amount of discomfort I might suffer here. Those kids . . . they were where I belonged.

I swung open the glass door and stepped into the bustling coffee shop. I inhaled deeply, hit with the overwhelming scent of coffee, warmth infiltrating my chest.

Yum.

The small space overflowed with people. Students clamored to get their caffeine fix as they rushed to get to the next place they needed to be. I popped up on my toes, craning my neck as I looked for the shock of red hair that could only belong to my friend.

“Hi.” It was uttered right next to my ear.

“Ah!” I jumped and spun around, finding Indy standing there grinning at me.

“Oh.” I flattened my hand on my chest. “You scared me.”

She rolled her green eyes. “How you can be startled in the middle of a busy store in broad daylight is beyond me.”

“Don’t judge me . . . I have keen senses.” I smiled up at her, tucking a thick lock of hair behind my ear as I looked back down.

She laughed lightly. “Whatever you want to call it.” She knocked into my side. “Come on, let’s get some coffee. I thought I’d pass out or possibly die of boredom in my economics class. I need caffeine, and now.”

We headed to the counter, Indy in front of me. She ordered her usual, and I stepped up after her and did the same.

Waiting for our drinks, we spent a couple of minutes chatting about nothing, the two of us almost feeling normal as we caught up on things that really didn’t matter. For a moment it felt like things were back to the way they had been before our lives were upended by two guys who hadn’t deserved either of us, two people who didn’t think twice about breaking a heart or fracturing someone’s spirit.

“Indy,” the barista called, pushing the paper cup in her direction.

“Oh yes . . . gimme, gimme, gimme.” Indy grabbed her coffee and winked at me as she backed away. “I’ll find us a place to sit.”

“I’ll find you,” I called as she disappeared into the fray.

I stayed in the mass of people milling around waiting for their drinks, turned to study my shifting feet while I listened for my name.

“Misha.”

I stepped up and stretched my hand out for my cup when another darted over my shoulder. A big hand wrapped around my cup and snagged it from the counter.

What in the . . . ?

“H-h-hey, that’s mi—” I started to say as I whirled around. I stopped short when I met with the hazel eyes smirking back at me.

Redness rushed to my face.

Oh, who was I kidding? Every inch of my skin lit up like a chili pepper, flaming and burning and shouting out all my insecurities.

Damn him.

I’d managed to dodge him for the last week, peeking out the window to make sure the coast was clear before I rushed out the door and down the sidewalk. The last thing I needed was another awkward exchange like he’d somehow dragged me into last week. I didn’t need to be scrutinized and teased, and I sure didn’t need to find out just how far this guy’s jerk-off ways went.

Of course my belly had a whole different idea about the situation, all those butterflies doing a little choreographed happy dance when my eyes fell on the glorious display standing just inches away from me.

Glorious?

Ugh.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I couldn’t stand this guy, couldn’t stand the way he tugged and twisted at me like he had some magnetic pull, spinning me up, no doubt with the intention of spitting me out.

“Hey yourself,” he said, holding on to my cup like he had an inherent right to it.

This time I couldn’t help stamping my foot, indignant. What a jerk. “That’s mine,” I said, hating that it came out sounding all petulant again. “It says so right there.” I pointed to the Misha scrawled messily along the side of the cup, rocking back on my heels as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Obviously.” His brow shot up with the sarcasm, before he lifted my cup to his nose and sniffed. “God . . . what are you drinking? A gallon of sugar? This isn’t coffee. This is a liquid candy bar.”

“It’s none of your business what I’m drinking.” So there, I added in my head, fighting the urge to stick my tongue out at him.

He drove me crazy, made me feel like a little girl fighting with a bully who’d stolen my favorite toy.

I’d dealt with enough bullies in my life.

He chuckled and rubbed his chin. I got locked on the movement of his fingers, my mouth falling slightly agape as he tugged and scratched at the stubble on his jaw. He was so close, and I could feel myself getting sucked in his direction, that aroma that had assaulted me the other day stronger, but this time it was all man and soap and sex—all Darryn Wild. I trembled. Oh God.

Catching me, he smirked.

Damn him.

Why did he have to be so beautiful?

“Give it,” I demanded, just wanting to get my coffee so I could get the heck away from him.

“Darryn,” the girl behind the counter called. He turned away from me. Seeing his face caught her off guard, and her eyes widened with appreciation as she stood there and blatantly devoured him with her gaze. Apparently no one was immune to him. He didn’t even spare her a second’s glance. He snatched up his coffee, holding both cups tucked up close to the strength of his chest.

“Are you going to give me my coffee or do I have to buy another one?” I said in surrender, giving up his game because I didn’t have the will to play it.

He blinked back at me like I was crazy. “Of course I’m going to give you back your coffee. I was just being the gentleman like I am and was going to carry it to our table for you.”

I felt the disbelief take over my expression. A gentleman? Yeah, right. Then the rest of what he’d said sank in. “Our table?” I asked, a challenge bleeding into the words.

“Our table,” he deadpanned. Those hazel eyes did that shimmer thing again, where they danced and sang with mischief, all jubilant mayhem on my erratic heart.

“You wouldn’t even shake my hand last week. Now you owe me.”

My chin lifted in defiance. “You’re insane,” I said.

“And you”—he handed me my coffee, before he reached up and plucked at my bottom lip with the pad of his index finger—“hurt my feelings.”

And I knew it was all just a ploy, this boy-man-god or whatever he was manipulating me, my flesh so easily turned to putty, aching for him to take those big hands and mold me into whatever he wanted me to be.

Those alarms started ringing like loud, clashing cymbals struck right near my ears, the off-key chorus hosted by the betrayal that had changed something intrinsic inside me.

Part of me wanted to give in to what it was Darryn was making me feel. But that was the problem. Because if I was honest with myself, what he made me feel most was scared. The feelings of desire he awoke in me just reminded me of how vulnerable and foolish I’d been in Hunter’s deceptive hands. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. I wanted to be stronger and smarter and wiser.

“I seriously doubt that, Darryn Wild, because guys like you don’t have feelings.”

But as soon as the words were out, I realized one thing I hated more than sounding naive was sounding like a bitch.

Anger scored me deep. Hunter. I hated him most of all. He’d done this to me and made me this way.

For a split second Darryn’s face transformed, flashing with something that looked like pain, shutters dimming the mischief in his eyes. Then he slowly nodded through a forced smirk. Again, he tapped the side of my mouth, a reminder of the effect he knew he had on me. “I guess we don’t, do we?”

He backed away, left me watching him as he spun around and pushed his way through the coffee shop toward the exit.

On a heavy sigh, I turned and plodded to where Indy waited for me. I slumped down in the plush chair next to her.

“Oh. My. God. Was that our new neighbor you were talking to?”

I scrunched up my nose, shifted to tuck my leg under me, and let my hair fall down the side of my face to block Darryn’s view.

“Yes.” My whisper was all scratchy and self-conscious.

“Holy hell. I only saw him from a distance when he was moving in. I thought he was pretty then. . . .” She trailed off suggestively. Her eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. “Looks like he’s into you.”

I huffed. “All I need is another beautiful jerk to take advantage of me. No, thank you.”

Of course I was the one feeling like a jerk after what I said to him.

But judging by the effect Darryn had on me, I was pretty sure he was much more dangerous than Hunter ever was.

Hazardous to my health.

Awareness tugged at me, that same feeling from last week, the weight of his presence strong and unyielding. Helpless, I let my attention travel where it was led—where he stood facing me with his back leaned up against the door. A small smile curved his lips, something that almost appeared regretful, something true and soft, and for the first time I thought I saw something real in Darryn Wild. Then he flipped that asshole switch, and a wide, cocky grin blotted out all traces of anything sweet. He shot me this wicked, unruly wink before he backed out of the shop, dipping his head as he hit the sidewalk. I just stared as the door fell closed behind him.

My heart all of a sudden decided to agree with my stomach and indulged in a little flip-flop in rhythm with the patter of quick, uneven beats in my chest. That presence that felt too overbearing, too overwhelming and heavy and intense, was suddenly gone, leaving a void in its place.

Scratch that. The guy was lethal.

Deadly.

I planted my face into my palms, frantic as I shook my head in them.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Oh, Misha, don’t fool yourself. Hunter has nothing on Darryn Wild.” Hunter dropped from Indy’s mouth like a vulgar word.

I agreed on all accounts.

She giggled, sipped at her coffee, her voice all a tease as she sang, “Someone is crushing hard on the boy next door.”

My chest heated above my heart, splashing crimson all over my skin.

I wasn’t, was I? Not after everything I’d been through. Boys were trouble and I didn’t need any more of that.

I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, worried it as my eyes slanted to the huge plate-glass windows that looked out toward the campus, unable to stop myself from wondering where he’d gone and what would have happened had I taken him up on his offer to hang out with him. I still had no idea how to make sense of him, or what part of him was genuine, if any was at all.

Indy snorted, cutting into my thoughts. “You should see your face right now. Whatever questions are running through that pretty little head of yours”—she leaned over the small, round table, lifted her finger, and circled it around my face—“you’ve got your answer right here, and I’m pretty sure it’s a resounding yes.”

chapter five

Misha

I yanked at the pull-cord of the lawn mower. It sputtered but didn’t turn over. I dug my foot into the ground for leverage, giving it a good pull, a little grunt included. Another sputter.

Grrr . . .

I looked up to the blue sky, praying for some miracle that would bring this piece of junk to life. I sucked in a breath, gripped the handle in my hand, and gave it my all.

Nope.

Nothing.

I kicked the mower with the side of my sneaker. “You dumb piece of junk . . . would you give me a break and work? Come on, please.” My voice lowered to a whispered plea on the last, like I could cajole something inanimate into cooperating. I jerked it, the engine spinning, then chugging as it ran out of steam.

“Damn it,” I cursed under my breath, throwing my hands in the air as I stalked around the overgrown lawn, wondering how in the heck I’d manage to get this impossible chore done using a thirty-year-old machine. I’d take scrubbing toilets over this any day, because me and motors just didn’t seem to mix.

Behind me, the wooden fence that rose around our tiny backyard rattled. Startled, I froze as I felt more than saw the shadow of movement pass behind me.

I tore myself from the shock and twisted to look over my shoulder, gasping when I saw Darryn drop into our yard, landing on his feet, crouched down, one hand propping himself on the ground for balance, like he was humbled in the deepest bow. Slowly he lifted his head as he straightened, looked up at me with those hazel eyes, hard and intense and brimming with concern.

A rush of dizziness swirled through my overheated head, and I figured I was seconds from fainting.

Yep.

Just like I’d thought.

Avenging angel.

I gaped at his glory. Again, the boy-man-god lacked a shirt, his golden chest much too proud to be inhibited by something so ignoble as fabric. His jeans rode low, the cut of his abs so delicious I had the overwhelming urge to taste them. My mouth watered, and I was imagining tracing my tongue over the rock-hard grooves and planes.

“What are you doing?” His voice cut into my daydream, the throaty question filled with disbelief.

My head snapped up. Mortification climbed to my face when I realized I’d been staring. I blinked away the stupor, having no clue what he was talking about until I followed the trail of his attention to the beaten-down pile of junk sitting in the middle of the lawn.

Slowly I untwisted myself from the pretzel I was in, turning to face him, shifting on my feet as I watched him approach the lawn mower as if it were an injured animal.

“Um . . . trying to mow?” I said, the words almost a question as they flowed out with a tilt of my head. I squinted, trying to understand where the overt distress he was wearing like a cloak was coming from.

He settled his long body down to kneel on a single knee next to the mower, studying the motor as if it were alive, and his mouth moved as if he were having some kind of secret conversation with the hunk of metal.

He looked over his shoulder at me, sparkling hazel eyes narrowing in skepticism. “And kicking the crap out of the poor thing is going to help how?”

“Um . . . ,” I stammered again, frowning at how Darryn seemed to be bleeding sympathy for the old equipment that had become the bane of our house. Each of the four of us roommates would gladly pay good money to get out of the weekly mowing job we rotated around on the cleaning schedule, but the problem was that none of us was willing to take money to do it an extra time. “This isn’t my favorite job.”

The sight of the old mower sitting slumped in the middle of the lawn, buried in the too-long blades of grass, seemed proof enough.

He turned back to the mower. Craning his head, he poked around, muttering under his breath, “And what in God’s name are you doing out here trying to mow?” He unscrewed the gas cap, shook it around, looking for the source.

I wrung my hands together. “It’s my chore this week,” I explained, feeling the little flush of a grin come to my mouth with the idea of Darryn in my backyard, all that confusion from last week when I’d seen him in the coffee shop barely registering with the relief at him flying in unannounced and without summons to my rescue. I chewed at my lip, and for a second I decided to give up the war I seemed to fight every time Darryn came into my view, and mumbled quietly, “Thank you for coming to help me.”

“Ha, I’m not here to save you.” He flashed me this brilliant, teasing smile, the one that twisted me all up in knots and tossed me right into an endless, spiraling swoon.

Oh God.

He inclined his head, still grinning. “I’m here to save this poor machine that you’re trying to kill.”

I frowned as my gaze landed on the rusted metal. There was no stopping my light-headed giggle. “I think you’re too late. It’s already dead,” I whispered in feigned mourning, slowly shaking my head with remorse.

Darryn stared up at me, those mischievous eyes glinting as they stepped up to play partner to that delirium-inducing grin.

And I swear to God, I saw them, these little sparks shooting through the air, like darts of energy impaling me all over my sun-drenched skin.

Oh. I kind of jumped. That felt good.

Damn him.

Because there was no denying it. Being around Darryn Wild felt good.

He pulled a wrench from his back pocket, as if this boy-man-god was magic, superpowered with an enchanted bag of tricks always at hand. He held it up, wielding it in my direction. “Oh, I think there’s hope yet.”

He turned away from me and went to work, and I edged in, prompted by the demands of the butterflies in my stomach. I stood over him, probably driving him out of his mind with annoyance as I leaned over his shoulder, watching him. His strong hands were adept and his mind obviously knowledgeable as he tinkered with bolts and wires and little parts that I wouldn’t begin to recognize.

“All this thing needs is a little TLC.” He eyed me seriously. “You can’t just leave stuff like this out to rot. It needs to be maintained. Taken care of.” Then he winked. “The way every girl deserves to be.”

I reddened at his blatant innuendo, chewing a hole in my lip as I turned back to watch him work.

“Ah, there we go,” he mumbled to himself as he seemed to find whatever the problem was. He twisted a couple of wires.

I took a stumbling step back when he suddenly stood, his towering presence too much for me to handle up close like he was. Delight danced all over his face as he wrapped his hand around the handle, his lithe body rippling as he leaned down and cranked it to life. The engine roared.

And we just stood there staring at each other, both of us grinning, me feeling all self-conscious and shy while Darryn was so obviously proud, the air filled with the deafening rumble of the mower and the buildup of the energy sizzling between us.

“Thank you,” I said, the sincere words swallowed up by the loud churn of the mower, though I knew Darryn understood what I’d said.

Slowly he nodded as he seemed to get twisted up in the same tension pounding through my system.

A breeze blew in, stirring through my hair, whipping the thick locks around my face. Tentatively Darryn reached out. His hand hovered in indecision, before he gave in and gathered a thick curl to rub between the pads of his fingers, like he needed to feel the texture and weight of it. All the while, he never looked away from me. And this time . . . this time the softness in his expression, the same look I’d witnessed at the coffee shop, didn’t evaporate in a flash. It wasn’t just a flicker of good that scattered fast to reveal a boy who was so obviously bad.

He shook his head as if he were trying to make sense of something, before he averted his eyes from mine to watch himself tuck the loose strand behind my ear. I shivered when he let his fingertips flutter down the side of my neck, just barely brushing my sensitive skin. He released a ragged exhale when he trailed them lower, across my collarbone to the center of my hammering chest. Fire singed me through with the vibration of his gentle touch.

And was he? Obviously bad? For a second I wanted to suspend it, to disbelieve it, to reject the idea because something about him made me want and ache, made me want what I’d sworn to avoid.

Indy was right.

I was crushing hard on the boy next door.

He stilled with his fingers just grazing my exposed skin, and those hazel eyes latched on to mine. Endless moments passed in a blur as my gaze got all tangled with his.

Something wistful played around his mouth, something like regret and longing that melded with the gentle curve of lips. “Beautiful,” he whispered, the sound swallowed by the ceaseless drone of the mower, but so overtly clear as I swallowed the word down. My wounded heart wanted to believe that someone would truly see me that way, and not like the sick joke I saw when I looked in the mirror in the morning.

Creases wrinkled at the sides of his eyes, making him appear both younger and older, different. Making me feel different, still scared and unsure—but there was no mistaking the flicker of hope that lit somewhere inside me.

Again he reached up to touch the trembling edge of my mouth. Though this time it wasn’t a taunt, not a tease, not something meant to twist me up with confusion and fear.

It was just sweet.

Simple as that.

He dropped his hand and took a step back, seeming almost as confused and flustered as I was, before he turned and jogged across the yard. He scaled the fence in one stride, his feet landing on the top of the wooden planks, sending him sailing over to the other side.

chapter six

Darryn

A stream of sun bled through the slit running down the middle of my bedroom curtains, a slash of bright light blaring directly into my face. I squeezed my eyes tight against it. Flopping to my stomach, I yanked a pillow over my head, making a valiant attempt at shutting it out, begging for more sleep. Just one more minute, and I’d be fine.

But it was no use.

The light had already roused me from sleep.

All right, so the problem was clear. I was aroused.

Big difference. Bigger problem.

Groaning, I threw the pillow to the floor and flopped over onto my back, taking up a staring contest with the pitted ceiling above.

My dick was throbbing, standing at full attention, all too interested in the lingering images that I couldn’t shake from my mind.

I flung my arm over my eyes. As if that would help.

Maybe the problem was the fact that I’d been dreaming about porcelain skin and inky hair, about the feel of her touch and the light in her smile.

Maybe the problem was the girl next door.

Maybe the problem was Misha.

Goddamn, this girl had done me in, burrowed herself like a tiny, nagging burr that had gotten just under the surface of my skin until she’d flamed into an all-out itch. Gotten to me. I couldn’t get that beautiful face out of my mind and there was nothing in hell I could do to purge the sweet sound of her voice from my ears. It flooded through me like warmth, all this lust and need mixed up with some kind of twisted infatuation.

But that wasn’t just it.

Yeah, I wanted to get lost in that body, make her scream and moan my name. My chest tightened. Shit, I couldn’t wait to hear the way it’d sound slipping from her lips.

But none of that was really a problem.

The problem was I’d be content just to take up a little bit of her space.

I’d started to make excuses to be out front when I knew she’d be leaving or coming home, excuses to talk to her and make her blush and cause her to fumble all over herself the way she always did.

It was the fucking cutest thing I’d ever seen, the way she got all nervous and stuttered, how the red would come stampeding in the second she did.

I crammed the heel of my hand in my eye. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Realization slowly took hold.

I liked her.

Pressure throbbed at my ribs.

Fuck me, I liked her.

It was killing me to know where she wandered off to in the afternoon, heading in the opposite direction from campus, when she’d come home nearly giddy, smiling this unending smile that I’d come to crave. Hounding her didn’t work, and neither did flattering her with all these little compliments that made her squirm. She remained tight-lipped, which only made me want to know more.

God, but more than all of that? I wanted to erase the pain I’d catch lingering in her eyes. I knew it now, what it was, what flared in those searing pools of the deepest black when she was speared with an errant thought like an arrow, like I could somehow feel it when it pierced her, too.

Shame.

It killed me that she felt that way, and I was dying to wipe away that look of distrust with my touch. Show her there was nothing for her to be ashamed of. I wanted her to know she was beautiful and good and anyone who made her feel anything less than that was nothing but a fool.

Images flashed, and I grunted as I was slammed with a vision of Misha straddling me on this bed. The soft slope of her neck was all exposed as she threw her head back, thick curls cascading down in waves that brushed along my thighs, her body all stretched out as she drove me right to the edge. Pleasure rocked through every hardened inch of my body, ecstasy hitting me somewhere deep.

But then she looked down at me. And those eyes were no longer hollow, they weren’t edged with sadness or creased in confusion, and not for a second did they flash with fear. They glowed with affection as she stared down at me.

Guilt gripped me by the throat, and I squeezed my eyes shut, choking on it, trying to purge the fantasy from my mind. It made me feel like an asshole, like some kind of perverted voyeur, picturing her this way.

But I didn’t know how to stop.

I raked a hand over my face. Fuck. I just wanted her to trust me.

How the hell did this timid girl next door manage to make my body beg? She didn’t have a single clue how badly I wanted her or how deep my thoughts went. Guess there’d always been something about her, something that had struck me before she lifted her face to the sky that first morning of classes, soaking the sun in as if it was somehow feeding her soul. Something that drew me to her.

I recognized it now.

Misha didn’t even know and she didn’t need to. I’d protect her. Collect everything due to her. Lay it at her feet.

At least I owed her that.

chapter seven

Misha

“Misha, if you don’t hurry up I’m going to come up there and drag you down here.” Laughter and loud voices and impatient calls rose from the first floor, Indy’s voice lifting above them all as she shouted at me for what had to be the hundredth time.

“I’m coming,” I hollered in the direction of my bedroom door that stood wide-open behind me. “Sheesh,” I added under my breath.

“I heard that!”

With a soft giggle, I turned, letting my gaze wander over myself in the full-length mirror set up in the corner of my room. Uncertainty tickled my nerves, and there was no mistaking the self-conscious flush that bloomed hot on the exposed skin on my chest, before it blazed a path up my neck to settle where it always landed—right on the apples of my cheeks.

I was wearing skinny jeans and heels with a shimmery silver and black shirt that fell off one shoulder, my long hair sprayed into shiny ringlets that spilled over my shoulders and down my back. Months ago, I’d bought this outfit to wear out with Hunter, thinking it was sexy and cute, and I’d hoped it would make me feel confident and pretty. It was something so out of character for me and I’d wanted to do something special for him, to make him proud to have me on his arm when we went out with his friends.

Too bad I didn’t get a chance to wear it before he drove that treacherous knife right into the center of my back.

I’d had the intense urge to set fire to these clothes. To watch them burn up so I’d have no reminders left of who I’d tried to make myself be for him.

I wouldn’t change for anyone.

Never again.

But I realized wearing something that made me feel pretty didn’t change me. Pride had hit me hard when I slipped into these clothes. Not because of the way they made me look, even though I felt good in them, but because they were no longer for him.

I chewed my lip, shifted to look at myself in the mirror.

“Forget him,” I whispered to myself.

Tonight I was finally letting Hunter go. It wasn’t because I missed him and loved him and was letting my broken heart heal. I didn’t feel any of those things. I knew it now, knew picking a guy like him was just me trying to fit in, to be more like the girls I thought I was supposed to fit in with.

But what he’d done had hurt me.

And today I would finally let go of all that pain.

“Misha!” Indy shouted again.

Grinning, I grabbed my little purse from my bed. “All right . . . all right! I’m coming! Don’t get your panties all in a bind.”

I headed out my door, doing my best not to wobble on my four-inch heels.

“Who said I was wearing any?” she shot back as I carefully maneuvered down the stairs. So maybe the shoes weren’t exactly me, and I was much more comfortable in my sneakers, but I liked them, so I was wearing them, and I didn’t care what anyone else had to say.

Chuckling at her, I clung to the railing as I made my way to the bottom floor. When I got downstairs, I found all three of my roommates in the kitchen. Courtney was pouring amber liquid into tiny shot glasses, one round ready to get the night started.

Indy grinned in my direction. “Cheers!” she said as she handed a shot glass to me.

“Cheers!” The three of us lifted our glasses and tossed them back, Chloe sitting out the drinking like she always did. I was actually surprised she’d agreed to come out with us at all tonight.

Liquid burned a fiery path down my throat, and I forced myself to swallow, doing my best not to choke on it and spew it right back out. My face screwed up with the awful taste when it settled in my stomach. “Ugh . . . that is terrible. Why are we doing this again?”

“Just a little preamble. Tonight we’re letting go.”

“To tonight.” Courtney poured us one more round. We clinked glasses, toasting us. In unison, we slammed them down on the counter, grinning like fools as we swiped the backs of our hands over our mouths.

Was I tipsy off two shots? I wobbled on my heels, giggled more.

Oh yeah. I wasn’t exactly what you’d call a drinker. But I loved the fuzzy feeling that swept through my body, the way my nerves became subdued and thoughts of Hunter became nothing but a distant memory.

The four of us filed out into the night. A dark canopy kissed with twinkling stars covered us like an embrace from high above. We laughed and talked the entire ten-minute walk to the club. It’d been a very long time since I felt so good.

We were ushered in, and I felt like I stepped into a whole new world when I entered through the wide double doors. Music pulsed, heavy and loud, colorful lights throbbing with the beat. Bright strobes flashed over the crush of bodies on the dance floor, people moving against each other, completely free.

As free as I felt.

Indy tugged at my hand. “Let’s hit the bar. I need another drink before I go anywhere near that mess of people.”

Funny, because I felt drawn to it, like the only thing I wanted to do was get mixed up in it. Just for tonight, I wanted to get lost.

I let her lead me through the throng, Courtney and Chloe just ahead. The three of us partook of another shot.

I slammed my glass down as I forced my drink to stay in my stomach. “Gah! That’s the last one for me.” I furiously shook my head. “Whew.”

Indy smirked at me. “Lightweight.”

And that I was.

My head spun, and the music blared, calling me into it. I began to shake my hips right at the bar. “Come dance with me!” I prodded, yanking at my friends’ arms.

“I’m in.” Courtney linked her elbow with mine. The two of us were giggling as we pushed through the groups huddled up close to the bar and wound our way into the middle of dance floor, where we completely cut loose.

Sweaty bodies beat around us, but I couldn’t even begin to mind. We danced for minutes, or hours, I didn’t know. All I knew was I was having the best time I’d had in so long, and I no longer felt like the pariah, like someone people would whisper about.

Because no one here knew.

A month had passed since I returned to campus, and not one person had uttered a word to me about what had happened.

Courtney started dancing with some random guy, and she cast me a telling smile as she turned away. I returned an accepting grin, giving her the go-ahead before I lifted my face toward the high ceiling that strummed with lights. Colors flashed across my face and lit up behind my closed eyes, and I completely gave myself over to my newfound freedom.

I was lost in the crowd, but still I felt it strike me. Tension infiltrated the already heavy air, thickening it more, making it difficult to breathe. I felt them, eyes watching me dance, traveling my curves as I moved.

A burst of modesty tried to crack the surface of the buzz that sedated my mind.

But tonight, it couldn’t touch me.

Because I welcomed it. I wanted him to see me.

God, how much time had I spent dreaming of him? Darryn Wild, that boy-man-god who’d stolen so many of my thoughts, that teasing smile that did something to me I’d never felt before, made me shy in a way I liked, like he saw beneath all the red to the girl below.

Now I could feel him, his eyes all over me, caressing me slowly, up and down.

I let all my insecurities drift away as I swayed in time to the music, in sync with the throb of the crowd and the intermittent lights that glowed against my lids.

A charged moment passed, before strong hands found my hips and gripped them from behind. For a beat, I stiffened, before I again gave in to this sublime release. And again, he felt good. Right. All this intense energy that ricocheted between us wrapped me up in a frenzy of nerves, alight and alive. The smell of him took me whole, all soap and man and sex.

Oh God.

My heart beat frantically, racing to keep up with my thoughts that were spiraling out of control.

A shimmer of fear slithered through me, before he pulled my back into the safety of his firm chest.

And that was what I felt.

Safe.

With him, and I didn’t know why, and I was searching inside myself for resolve, for the commitment I’d made to never allow myself to be so easily played again.

But it was just out of my reach.

Darryn held me close, our bodies moving in time, like we shared the same breath, the same space. I leaned back, my head on his shoulder as his face found the curve of my neck. Chills sped, spinning my body into a violent cataclysm of need. He let his hands roam, palms pressing hard as he ran them down the front of my legs, spanning them wide as he trailed them back up to my hips and over my stomach. Fingertips dipped into my ribs as he slid them up the curve of my sides, and he lifted my arms as he went, in the same fluid motion fastening my hands around the back of his neck.

All those butterflies scattered, a clash of discordant wings that fluttered haphazardly through my insides, leaving my stomach in a coiled mess of confusion and need.

Why him? Why now?

Holding me close, he brushed his mouth over the shell of my ear, his whispered words injected directly to my manic heart. “Goddamn, Misha. What are you trying to do to me?”

I suddenly found it impossible to breathe, because it was him who was slowly undoing all the fibers of reservation woven through my weakened spirit.

“Can’t get you off my mind.” He leaned in closer, his hand sweeping up my stomach. Fingers brushed between my breasts, and I released a sharp gasp.

“Been dying to touch you,” he murmured low. He began to prod me back, slowly leading me away from the heaving bodies on the dance floor. The riot of the crowd bled into black as he edged us through the club, his roaming hands leaving me completely stripped of any defenses. Walls rose on each side of us as he drew me backward into the darkened hallway. Darryn pulled me into its depths, before he suddenly spun me in his hold and pinned my back up against the wall.

And it wasn’t fear I felt when I looked at up at him, captured by those hazel eyes that were more intense than anything I’d ever seen as they searched me frantically, his hands just as frantic when he twisted his fingers through the locks of my hair on both sides of my head.

It was desire.

He yanked me against him, tilting my chin up by the force of his hold in my hair.

I grunted.

“Tell me you want me, too,” he demanded in a pained whisper, his eyes flying across my face. “Tell me you lie in bed at night and when you close your eyes, you see me. Because all I can see is you.”

Shock punched all the air from my lungs, and my mouth dropped open—I was stunned by his blatant admission.

That gaze darted to my parted lips and back to my eyes, our bodies heaving with the tension that continued to wind us higher and higher.

Shivers lifted on a swollen wave and broke over my skin with a heated rush of desire.

And I wanted to laugh through the haze of alcohol. Because none of this made a lick of sense, how this boy-man-god could say things like he could see right inside my mind, like he’d just mimicked my most secret thoughts, ones of him that I couldn’t escape every single time I closed my eyes, how he could make me feel like nothing else in this world mattered except for his hands on me—right here, right now.

Just for tonight, he made me want to be brave.

Even in my heels, I had to push to my toes to reach his mouth, but it was me who closed the distance, me who seemed desperate to feel.

His reaction was immediate, and his breath rushed across my face as his body crushed mine to the wall. His mouth overtook mine, unyielding, his tongue demanding as he swiped it across my teeth, then dove in to tangle with mine, assaulting me with long, hard strokes.

Trembles rolled through me, and my knees went weak, because whatever desperation I’d had to feel his mouth against mine paled in comparison to the recklessness he devoured me with now. His hands and mouth and the racing beat of his heart consumed all my senses.

Shaking, I kissed him with all abandon, like this was the one chance I had, like it was the one moment I’d been granted to feel like this—like I was important and beautiful and somehow this gorgeous man could want me for who I was and it didn’t stem from the infamy Hunter had cast like a bounty on my head.

Hunter.

The errant thought of him caused a resurrection of my insecurities, the memories blossoming full as I thought back to the way Hunter had initially made me feel. When Hunter first asked me out, I’d been so shy and scared, sure no one would pay any interest to the small-town girl who’d been sheltered all her life. Hunter had showered attention on me, and I’d clung to the way it made me feel.

Special.

Sickness coiled in my stomach.

Because again, I was feeling it, although Hunter hadn’t come close to skimming the magnitude of what Darryn had bounding through my veins.

Fear took hold.

God, what was I doing? Rushing into the same thing as I’d done with Hunter? Desperate to feel? Desperate to please?

I couldn’t do this again.

I managed to wriggle my hands between our bodies that were plastered together, and there was nothing I could do to stop the whimper that escaped my throat at the feel of his chest under my hands. Darryn did something to me, touched me somewhere deep inside that I didn’t even recognize, drew me in, tempted me.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Hadn’t I been humiliated enough?

With trembling hands, I nudged him back. He only kissed me harder, like he again could read my thoughts and that tongue was at work to convince me to trust him.

Moisture gathered in my eyes, this time my hands firm as I pushed him. “P-p-please, stop.”

I could feel him submitting as he stumbled back, not by my force, but by a force of his own as he tore himself away. His entire body vibrated with what roared through mine, this desire that pooled so heavily in my core.

I pressed my hand to my mouth, as if I could contain it all, as if there were a chance I could stop the outpouring of emotion Darryn had brought on me. He filled my thoughts with need and want. Made me feel beautiful and good and not like a stupid little girl. But the fear was so much greater than all of that, molding the idea of Darryn Wild into nothing but a threat. All the warnings about boys like Hunter my mother had ever hammered into my head were ringing out.

Danger. Bad. Hurt.

I couldn’t go through that again.

Even if walking away from Darryn now felt like I was ripping away something essential to my soul.

“Misha,” he started to say in a grating voice, taking a pleading step forward.

I stuck my hand out to stop him. “Don’t. Please. I can’t do this.”

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” he challenged, fisting his hands at his sides, like he didn’t know what to do with the energy barreling through him any more than I did.

Mine manifested as tears streaming hot and fast down my face.

Oh God, did I want to.

“Can’t,” I whispered, shaking my head.

Couldn’t go through this again.

Regret flashed in his eyes, like he could see straight through me, like he knew exactly what I was thinking and why I was pushing him away.

If only he really knew.

He wouldn’t want me then.

“I have to go.” I turned to flee. He grabbed me around my wrist and spun me around. His hands found my face. For a flash, agony took over his expression as he hesitantly pulled me closer. This time his kiss was slow, fueled by passion. It cut me so much deeper than the frenzied kiss we’d given ourselves over to minutes before, because this one spoke of what could be, of what I’d always dreamed of as a little girl before Hunter showed me just how cruel this world could be.

I surrendered to it and kissed him with everything I wished I could be, before I ripped myself away. Standing there panting, I stared at him and said, “I’m so sorry.”

Swallowing hard, I took two steps back, watching something that looked like anger flare in the depths of Darryn’s eyes. Harshly, he blinked. “Yeah, so am I.”

chapter eight

Darryn

Fuck.

It was official.

I was a creeper.

Not the I’m going to drag you into an alley and slit your throat kind of creeper.

More like the I’m going to drag you into an alley and kiss you senseless and leave you begging my name kind of creeper.

Different, right?

I sure as hell hoped so.

Because this was the low I’d stooped to.

Trailing her from a distance, I kept my eye on the mass of black curls that bobbed through the surging crowd on the sidewalk while doing my best to remain hidden.

Misha Crosse had done this to me. Made me a little bit crazy and left me partaking in tactics I’d never consider for another girl. Clearly she knew I was pursuing her, the way she kept peering over her shoulder, keen eyes searching through the horde of people as she sought out my presence.

Like she could feel me.

That same insane way I could feel her.

She didn’t appear so much scared as she did wary. The thought of her being afraid of me made me sick, although I knew she was fearful in an entirely different way. I’d never damage a hair on her head. I think she knew that. But it was that weakened heart the girl was protecting.

But that kiss. That searing, shattering kiss? I thought I couldn’t get her out of my mind before. After that kiss this weekend, she was all I could think about. The way she felt. The way she tasted. She’d singed through all those exterior layers of indifference that covered me up in callousness, straight down to splay open wide the deepest part of me.

God, I wanted her. Wanted to fix her and hold her and promise her I’d never let anyone hurt her.

But she wouldn’t give me the chance.

Misha had been avoiding me at all costs. Sneaking from her house when she thought I wouldn’t see her, leaving me standing outside their front door like a lovesick fool when I knocked, had me pacing when she didn’t return the text messages I’d sent after I begged her number off one of her roommates.

That girl was pretending she wasn’t affected.

But I knew better.

I’d felt everything when she kissed me, when she kissed me like she could taste freedom, like she’d finally found what she’d been searching for.

I had, that was for damned sure.

I could kiss a thousand girls and not one of them could stir up a modicum of the feeling Misha had brought to a full boil in me in one singular touch.

To be honest, it scared me a little, just how intense it was.

I mean, shit, here I was, basically stalking this girl, looking for a moment to talk to her. Chasing her. And I would have let it go . . . let her go . . . if I hadn’t witnessed what I’d seen so clearly on her face last weekend at the club, like she was begging me to somehow make it better and she was just too scared to ask, too many doubts holding her back.

There was no place inside me that could ignore that silent plea.

I’d gotten lucky and seen her slipping out the door this evening. She’d walked in the opposite direction of campus, heading to whatever secret place she stole to those evenings when she came back with a smile flooding her precious face.

Maybe I’d get to see it now, where she went, and from afar I could experience what brought her joy.

Every part of me screamed that I wanted to bring it to her, too.

Joy.

My heart squeezed.

How had this girl gotten so far under my skin? Like she’d come out of nowhere, a rogue wave that had barreled over me unseen, dragging me under. And there was no coming back up.

Misha suddenly cut through the crowd. On the left, she swung open a large plate-glass door nestled along the row of businesses lining the bustling walkway. She disappeared inside. Swallowing, I wove a little faster through the crush of people on the sidewalk, anxious not to lose her, more anxious to make out the sign hanging over the door.

I squinted.

CHILDREN’S LANGUAGE AND SPEECH PATHOLOGY.

Frowning, I cupped my hands around my eyes and pressed them to the hazy glass, peering inside to the large, open space.

So it wasn’t the most inconspicuous move. But what the hell? It wasn’t like she hadn’t already known I was there.

Chairs lined the walls of the front room, and a reception area sat to the far back in the center. White double doors rested on each side of it, passageways to what I could only assume would be some sort of clinic-style rooms behind them.

But none of those things were what interested me.

It was Misha.

She stood facing away, lost in an army of all these little kids that were probably four or five years old circling her legs, their faces all lit up with excitement as they smiled up at her.

Like she was their light.

Guess she had that way about her.

People who I could only assume were their parents sat in chairs that were placed along the walls, watching with soft smiles on their faces while Misha and another girl I’d never seen before, although she had to be close to Misha’s age, gathered all the kids and started playing these games with them. Enraptured, the kids all went along with the instructions, grinning through their small faces, tossing their heads back as they roared with laughter, Misha tickling and loving and smiling so wide it twisted me up tight and my breath got caught right in the center of my throat.

She was always stunning. Beautiful. But seeing her there, so happy amid all those kids?

I rubbed at my chest.

I didn’t know what to make of her or what I felt. Why I was so intrigued.

Why I was hooked.

Images made an unwelcome pass through my mind. Every fantasy I’d ever had of her slammed me with guilt. Because I never should have witnessed her that way. Not like that. Not with him.

Anger built inside me, interlocking with that shame Misha wore like a broken crown on her head.

My fists clenched.

All of it just pissed me off.

This girl was innocent. I could feel it radiating from her, saturating her being.

Thoughts of the interactions Misha and I had shared eddied through my vision, this flustered girl who stumbled all over herself, stuttered over her own damned name.

I looked back to the glass. With pure affection, Misha dragged her fingers through the red curls of a little boy who had some sort of device stuck to his head with wires coming from it that ran to his ear. Giggling, he grinned up at her.

She spoke and laughed, leading them through a bunch of different activities.

Working with them, but not like it was work, but because it was her passion.

All of this? It meant something to her.

And I had the desperate need to mean something to her, too.

chapter nine

Misha

I read below the dim bulb attached to the generic floor lamp that was set up next to my bed. Sighing, I shifted, tucking my bent legs up closer to my chest while I adjusted the huge textbook on my lap. I rested back on the wooden headboard, going through the last two chapters in my psychology textbook, reviewing yet again all the material that would be covered on our test tomorrow.

Tonight had been good.

I’d been with my kids. Seeing their smiling faces always reminded me why I was here, giving me that encouragement to continue on.

Things had been difficult lately.

Well, lately meant since the moment Darryn Wild had come like a battering ram into my life, battering his way right into my heart.

Said muscle skipped and pattered, just a knee-jerk reaction that came with every thought of him, like a little thundered affirmation of my stupidity.

I liked being around him.

Way too much.

I liked the way he made me feel, liked the way he looked at me. God, I barely knew him, and still I liked everything about him.

But kissing him this last weekend? It’d shaken something loose in me that I was doing everything in my power to ignore.

It didn’t matter if I wanted to ignore it or not. It was there.

What I wouldn’t do to be normal. Maybe then I could embrace it.

Normal.

I scoffed, shifting my book as I struggled to focus on the words bleeding across the page.

What did that even mean?

But whatever it was, it wasn’t me. I never had felt that way, at least. My parents had worked so hard to ensure that I grew up living a normal life, but all their efforts had only made me feel the opposite. They didn’t mean to hinder me, to stunt my emotional growth, to narrow my developing mind.

But they’d done it nonetheless.

Still I wished I wasn’t this awkward little girl who didn’t have the first clue how to traverse the normal path of a college student.

Here I had made that one bold attempt with Hunter. And what did I do? Failed miserably. I’d been foolish enough to think I could just shuck it from my consciousness like a pair of dirty socks, leave it behind. One touch from Darryn had proven that theory wrong, and all those doubts came flooding back.

What if he was the same kind of guy as Hunter?

Every time Darryn came close, all those danger bells started ringing.

So I pretended I didn’t feel the pulsating ache in my chest when I thought of him. I wanted him. So much. And that scared me.

Bitterness shook my head. I was so tired of being scared, of being fearful people were watching me, worrying they were judging me. When would it ever stop?

Two soft knocks at my door stalled my reading, not that I was doing much of it.

I barely glanced up when I called, “Come in,” figuring it was one of my roommates.

The door cracked open. I gasped when all those darts of energy pinged against the boxed-in barriers of my walls, that tangible tension that seemed to follow him like a broiling summer storm spreading out to saturate every inch of my room. Only now they were amplified, driven by the frustration of what I had cut too short.

My legs flew from my chest and flat onto the mattress, and I splayed my book across my lap as if it would afford me some sort of cover. All I was wearing was a pair of black boy-short panties and a tank top, no bra, my hair loose.

Exposed and vulnerable.

And he was there, that boy-man-god standing in my open doorway.

Beautiful. Commanding. Potent.

Heat rushed and sped, covering every inch of my skin, smoldering on my neck and face. I felt myself glow like an ember under his gaze as he devoured me with his eyes, the same way he’d done with his mouth and hands and tongue this last weekend.

Oh. God.

A tremor traveled my body, dripping like melting ice as it slipped down my spine.

Hesitation held him back, like he was coming to some sort of decision, his steely gaze so intense I found myself at a loss for words. I had no power to make them form on my lips. Even if I could, I didn’t know what to say, because part of me was screaming at him to leave, to demand to know how he made it this far, invading my private space where I hid away.

The other part was just begging him to come near.

Apparently that was the part he heard.

Without a sound he stepped inside. He didn’t look away from me as he blindly snapped the door shut behind him and twisted the lock.

I gulped for the nonexistent air.

It was almost too much, being with him this way, drowning in the intensity of his presence.

He said nothing as he crossed the room.

Desire throbbed between my legs, a sensation that was a little bit foreign and a whole lot terrifying. I swallowed down the knot that formed in my throat. Finally I managed to force the words from the dried-out cavern of my mouth. “Wh-wh-what are you doing in here?” I sat forward, blinking through the stupor. “Y-you shouldn’t be here.”

The smallest of smirks lifted one side of his mouth as he tilted his head, not so cocky as self-assured. He dropped to his knees at the side of my bed. Without warning, he grabbed me by the outside of my legs, dragging me to the edge of the mattress, and he nestled between my bare thighs as his stomach pressed to the burning heat of my center.

I yelped, this tiny sound of resistance that was really an utterance of surrender.

“Yes, I should,” he murmured as he looked at me, his warm hand cupping my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.

Oh. Lord.

Defenseless.

That was the way he left me, a shivering mess of nerves in his arms as he stared up at me.

He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine. Softly. I whimpered but gave in, succumbed as he tugged at my bottom lip with his mouth before his tongue made a slow pass against mine.

Fire.

I let my hands wander over the planes of his chest and shoulders, my body jerking with pleasure as I felt his quiver beneath my touch.

“God, Misha,” rumbled up his throat as he rose onto his knees and deepened the kiss, pulling back before he dove in again, teasing us both with the idea of what we could be together. He gripped my face and whispered at my mouth, “I can’t stay away from you anymore. Can’t go one more night without knowing you’re mine.”

Inside, that timid girl shrank, but still I kissed him in between all her words that I couldn’t keep from tumbling out. “I c-c-can’t, Darryn . . . can’t do this . . . can’t be what you want me to be. . . . I’m not ready for this.”

He pulled away a fraction. Both of his hands tangled in my hair, not letting me go. “Then tell me what you’re ready for . . . anything. I just want to mean something to you.”

His words nearly tore me apart.

I wanted that so badly, to really mean something to someone.

He’d just reflected it back.

And the truth was, I wanted to mean something to him.

“I’m scared,” I admitted, stretching out a shaky hand and tracing the lines of his face. I trembled doing it, disbelief radiating to my bones that I was touching him. That he was here. And he wanted me.

“I can’t just jump into something with you, Darryn. I don’t even know you . . . a-a-and . . . and . . . I’ve been . . .” I paused, looked to the wall as I chewed at my lip and the red flushed hot. Maybe one day, as my trust grew, as he showed me what was happening between us was real, I’d tell him. Tell him everything. He needed to know. But for now, I settled on what I could bear. “I’ve been hurt.” I cast it from my mouth like a dirty confession.

A soft sigh filtered from his mouth, and he lifted himself up higher on his knees, bringing us level, nose-to-nose and face-to-face. He smiled slow. “We don’t have to rush, Misha, but we can’t ignore this, either. Just tell me . . . tell me you’re mine. That you want to be. Be my girl . . . and I’ll be satisfied to take whatever comes along with that.”

I didn’t mean to cry, but I couldn’t stop the wetness that gathered in my eyes and streaked like a deluge of relief down my face. I’d cried so much these last months, but this was just a rush of emotion, all this sweet joy that was mixed up with all my fear.

I nodded through a soggy smile. “I want to be,” I whispered breathlessly.

God, I wanted to be.

His.

Satisfaction danced all over his beautiful face, before Darryn branded me with a searing, close-mouthed kiss.

It stole my breath.

He chuckled a little, pecked my lips again and ran his fingers through my hair. “You are perfect.”

“Hardly.” But I couldn’t help but smile, and that smile only grew as he slowly rose, crawling over me and onto my bed, taking me with him.

Laying us down, he tucked me into his side. The warm breath from his mouth seeped out at my temple when he exhaled and splayed his big hand wide across my belly.

Those butterflies swayed in a lazy dance.

Never in my life had I felt so secure.

“Tell me about where you went tonight,” he said, nudging the side of my face with his nose.

I frowned, but really, I already knew. He’d been there. I’d thought I felt him following me, but I could never catch a glimpse of him among the roiling throng of bodies that had flocked along the busy sidewalk during rush hour.

I should have been angry. Offended that he would be so bold as to follow me.

But again, it made me feel special. Like I meant something to him, the way he wanted to mean something to me. And he did. God, he did. That scared me, too.

“I—I—I . . .”

He gave me a squeeze of reassurance. “Hey, it’s okay. You can trust me.”

I swallowed and found my voice, but I had to press my face into his chest to make the words form, and even when they did, they were barely more than a breath. “Have you . . . did you notice I sometimes stutter?”

He hooked his finger under my chin and pulled my face up, forcing me to look at him. A quirk of his brow told me he had indeed. “Yeah, and it’s really fucking cute.”

Sadness shook my head, because I knew he really didn’t understand. “It’s not cute, Darryn.” I licked my lips. “For years my parents tried to have a baby. They’d given up, and then there was me. They were older when they finally had me, and of course they became super protective. When I was four, my mom had to go back to work, but they didn’t want to put me in day care. They thought the best solution would be for me to stay with our neighbor next door, a woman they’d known for several years.”

When my voice got choppy, Darryn pulled me closer, like he knew I was having a difficult time getting this out.

“They wanted me close to home, where my mom knew I was safe. But I wasn’t safe,” I whispered, the words sounding like my darkest secret.

Gentle fingers brushed up and down my arms, silently encouraging me to go on.

“I really don’t remember everything that happened. . . . I just see these little blips . . . pictures that flash through my mind that are hazy and unclear. The woman . . . sh-sh-she was just . . . cruel-hearted. She liked it when I was scared and when I’d cry. She’d make me sit in the dark closet all day and when I’d cry she’d smack me around. What I remember best is the anxiety I felt every time my mom dropped me off at her house. And how she threatened me not to tell my mom and dad.”

Darryn pulled back, leaving a fraction of space between us as we lay on our sides. He just stared across at me, everything in his gaze protective. “I’m not sure I want to hear this story,” he admitted, sadness coloring his tone, though he smiled a sympathetic smile. He brushed his thumb along my jaw. “But I need to . . . just don’t blame me if I run out your door and have to kick someone’s ass.”

I laughed quietly, a sound that I hoped somehow told him that I was okay, that this woman hadn’t scarred my heart even if she had scarred something in the deepest recesses of my mind. “N-n-no . . . my parents already took care of that. It didn’t take long for them to realize what was going on in that woman’s house because I started acting so differently. But that was the problem . . . I just . . . stopped talking.”

Lines creased Darryn’s brow as his eyes narrowed, like he was slowly catching on.

“The therapist said it was because of the trauma and s-s-something was triggered in my brain that wouldn’t allow me t-t-to talk.” Attempting a joke, I lightened my voice, hating that my tongue was so tied. “Guess her threats to hurt me if I told worked just fine. Apparently if you get annoyed with my voice, you can smack me around a little bit and I’ll shut right up.”

Darryn just frowned. “Not funny,” he scolded.

Okay, so maybe not, but I hated the thought of this boy who’d chased me down as if I was something special, something he couldn’t be without, instead looking at me with pity.

“M-my parents . . . they got me into therapy, both to help with my emotional trauma and to help me to begin to talk. But once I started talking again, I stuttered. Badly.” I shrugged, embarrassed but somehow still at ease with baring myself to him. “In some ways, the worst part was watching my parents worry about me. They loved me so much.”

Softness pulled at his lips. “How could they not?”

Palpitations rocked my heart. This boy-man-god and his glorious body had even sweeter words, words that teased me with what sounded like a promise. I was done for.

I pressed my hand flat to his chest, just because I wanted to feel him, to connect, because I was intent on finishing my story. At least the part I could tell him. “I . . . I think they felt so guilty over what happened to me, they overreacted. They pulled me out of public school and my mom homeschooled me. I grew so comfortable in the shelter of my parents’ house with no other kids around, I got to the point where I was afraid to leave it. The truth is, I never really learned how to function comfortably in public situations. I learned to control my stuttering for the most part, unless I’m excited or nervous. But still, I stayed under my parents’ protective wings, until I came here for college.”

He kissed my forehead, and I snuggled farther into him, resting my head in the crook of his arm. “It was a big deal for me to come to Michigan. My parents were terrified they wouldn’t be close to keep an eye on me. But I knew I had to make a change or I’d always be dependent on them. The first year here, I barely spoke to anyone, just watched and observed and went to my classes, but my confidence slowly grew. Then when I moved in here, Indy became my first real friend. It’s been so good for me.”

Remorse left me with a heavy sigh. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t let people take advantage of me. I always see the best in people. T-trust them when they don’t deserve it. That’s why I’m scared,” I emphasized, twining our fingers together with our free hands, praying he could understand where all my reservations stemmed from.

Because I hadn’t had a bad life. I’d just had circumstances that made me different.

“And the center today?” he asked, lifting our hands up between us, studying the contrast of our skin in the dim light of my room, mine almost white against his golden tan.

A wide smile took over my face. “Those are my kids . . . they all have hearing or speech disorders of one kind or another. It’s a support group I run . . . more fun for them than anything, a safe place where they all feel they belong. But it’s my internship, too, part of my schoolwork for my degree.”

“Your degree?”

“Speech pathologist,” I said, almost shy. “For children. I just want to help them. . . . I overcame so much when I was little, and some really wonderful people helped me. Now I want to help other kids the same way.” I drew my shoulder up to my ear in a self-conscious shrug. “It fits, don’t you think?”

A low chuckle rumbled up his chest, and he kissed the back of my hand, our fingers still twisted together. “Yeah, it definitely fits.” The intense emotion in his hazel eyes deepened, flashed with something I didn’t quite recognize, almost a blend of anger and devotion. “It all makes sense now.”

Darryn pushed his weight to one of his hands, moving over me. Slowly I rolled onto my back, led by his motion, that strong chest hovering over me with his body still off to my side. My nerve endings ratcheted up, all those darts of energy rapid-firing across my skin as his eyes changed and everything between us became charged, heightened to a level I’d never experienced. One that had me trembling below him.

He touched my face. “You’re amazing, Misha.”

Heat blazed up my throat, and Darryn dipped down, pressing his mouth to the oversensitive skin. He trailed kisses up and down along the hollow of my neck, up to beneath my ear.

I whimpered, and he brought his mouth to mine, shifting his weight over me, his knee wedged between my thighs. “Is this okay?” he asked, leaning back to run his hands down my sides.

“Yes.”

He continued his assault, kissing every exposed inch of skin on my chest and shoulders, moving to my face, trailing sweet kisses over my closed lids. He ran his nose down between the swell of my breasts exposed over the top of my tank.

“And this?” he whispered, almost urgently—almost as urgently as the need stampeding through my veins. “Tell me when to stop, because I don’t know if I can trust myself not to push you too far. You have no idea how badly I want you.”

And the crazy thing was I didn’t want him to stop, but I needed him to. I pulled back, tipping my head to force him to look at me. All that shyness came rushing to my face, flaming with the fire he’d set inside me. I blinked, murmuring my plea. “Just . . . respect me . . . Be patient with me.” My tongue darted out to my lips. “Above all, be honest with me.”

He hefted the air from his lungs, and again I was slammed with all that was Darryn—all soap and sex and man.

He pulled back and settled down at my side. And right there, in that one action, he earned a huge piece of my trust. Because he did know when to stop. He could have continued, and I would have let him. But he didn’t.

He pulled me into the sanctuary of his arms, right up against his beating heart. “I’ll take care of you, Misha,” he said. The words sounded like the most solemn of promises.

Maybe my boy-man-god really was my avenging angel. Darryn the Destroyer. Sent to rescue me. To slay all the beasts that had held me captive.

I guess I really wanted a fairy tale, after all.

chapter ten

Misha

“Oh my gosh . . . stop!” I pled. Breathless giggles built up in my belly and rolled through my entire body before they spilled from my mouth.

My cries only encouraged Darryn. Hazel eyes gleamed with all that mischief, and his deft fingers made another assault on my sides, tickling my ribs. It might have hurt if being near him didn’t feel so good.

I flailed and kicked my legs, howling with laughter as I twisted and turned and tried to pull myself out of his reach.

Darryn only leaned in farther, pinning my back to the small table in the nook of his kitchen. “You asked for it.”

“You’re going to make me pee my pants,” I yelped, thinking that just might do the trick considering that our bodies were in a very compromised position, his overpowering mine as I struggled under him.

No such luck.

“Really?” he dared, leaning in a little farther, digging in a little deeper. “Come on, let’s see it, Misha.” His smell enveloped me like a big, huge hug. A hug that came with an overwhelming surge of desire. Because who could blame me?

This boy-man-god was mine.

He’d been mine for more than a month.

Was it wrong it’d been the single best month of my life?

Darryn pulled back a fraction, just enough to allow me to drag a gulping breath into my lungs. Even though he had me at his mercy, there was so much softness in his eyes, so much restraint in his hands, so much goodness in his heart, I knew he’d never hurt me. There was no mistaking it.

He pushed back and dragged the hem of my shirt up, exposing my stomach. His mouth went for my side, tickling me in a whole new way as he suckled at my skin.

I squealed, my hips doing their best to buck Darryn from me, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from leaving his mark.

He pulled back and glanced up at me with a smirk before he turned back to his handiwork. “Perfect,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the flaming skin that he’d exposed just above my hip.

I wondered if it could possibly be as red as my face.

So yeah, he was still a total punk. Arrogant and sly. But God help me if I didn’t like that about him, too.

He’d told me a month ago he just wanted to mean something to me.

Little did he know he was slowly becoming everything.

I sobered a little, reaching out to brush my fingers through the flop of hair that had fallen on his forehead. Slowly he helped me up to sitting, and he plopped down on a chair in front of where my legs dangled off the side of the table, wedging himself between my knees. He looked up at me, his expression so sweet it twisted something loose inside my heart. A smile pulled at his mouth, and he touched my chin, tilting it, quietly inspecting my face. “I love that blush,” he whispered, fluttering his fingers over it like he wished it were palpable, something tangible he could ball up in his hand and hide away.

I felt so exposed, yet so adored. “Do you know what I love?”

His eyes glimmered. “What?”

I ran my thumb across his bottom lip. “This mouth.” I leaned in and placed a kiss on it, so soft I hoped it spoke a thousand words that I wasn’t ready to say. Or maybe it was just three.

I love you.

It was there, screaming out from my heart. But even as I thought them, all those feelings of vulnerability came barreling in, warning me against feeling something so strong for someone I’d only been dating for a month. But I couldn’t stop my feelings or change them. I couldn’t help the way he made me feel. Couldn’t help that his arms were my favorite place. Couldn’t help that his mouth was my favorite flavor and his voice was my favorite song.

His tongue was all warm when he swept it against my mouth, and tingles spread through me like a wildfire. “Mm,” he moaned, “not as much as I love yours.”

I tilted my head and parted my lips, welcoming the rush of his heat as he took over my mouth, the way his tongue danced and played before he closed his mouth over my lips, before they opened again and the kiss only deepened.

With both hands, he palmed my breasts over my T-shirt, urging a moan from somewhere in the deepest part of my spirit, before his fingers hooked in my collar and pulled my shirt down to expose me.

I gasped.

Sure, I was wearing a bra. But that didn’t mean I didn’t feel laid bare.

I could feel the heat emanating from my chest, the burning red I knew was flaming on all that skin Darryn had just brought out into the light.

Darryn looked up at me, wetting his swollen lips with his tongue, hunger and hard-won restraint so vivid in his eyes. “Too much?” he asked as the worry floated into his strained voice, his question guarded as he let his hands wander over the lacy cups of my bra, so slowly, giving me time to react. Time to clamp my hands over his to stop him the way I usually did, when I’d beg him to be patient even though he’d never given me any reason to feel I needed to plea.

He always understood and never pushed me any further than where I wanted to go.

And I knew he probably thought me a blushing virgin, the reason for all these pesky layers of clothing we had to maintain.

Which really wasn’t all that far from the truth. Except for that one monstrous mistake I’d made. As much as I wanted it all swept up and tossed away like forgotten litter from my past, I knew he needed to know, and things couldn’t go much further between us before he did. How deceitful would that be? Me leading this man into thinking I was some kind of unsullied damsel. Pure and clean. What a joke.

Darryn ran his hands up my sides, all those little darts of energy injected directly into my skin.

Oh God.

Did I ever want him to touch me.

Every day Darryn made me trust him more. Showed me why it was okay to give in.

Today, for the first time, I didn’t stop his exploration. I welcomed his hands that touched and caressed. Hands that I thought maybe even loved. Even if it were over the constraints of a flimsy piece of fabric.

But just then, I heard the sound of the front door banging open, and I stiffened. My hands clapped over my chest to cover myself up as one of Darryn’s roommates walked into their house. He was still in the front room, but he was close enough to burst the bubble Darryn and I had been floating in.

Darryn groaned and dropped his head to my chest, the chest that he’d discreetly covered back up. “Maybe we should take this up to my room,” he mumbled.

“I . . . I—I’m s-s-sorry. I can’t go up there.” I fumbled over words I couldn’t seem to form, searching for an explanation for why I was such a freak. “I—I . . .”

It wasn’t like we hadn’t been alone in my room a hundred times.

But when Darryn pulled away, it was like he already understood what was holding me back from making my way up those steps. Anger darkened his eyes, just for a flash, before he raked a hand through his hair and sighed a heavy sound of surrender. “It’s fine, baby. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it.”

It left me unsettled, because I knew he really didn’t get it. He had no clue.

I shifted on the hard surface of the table, wanting to be brave and just tell him. Hating myself for being a coward and not saying anything.

But the truth was, I didn’t want to lose him.

Just the thought squeezed my heart.

I reached out and cupped his cheek, my voice soft. “Please be patient with me.”

He took my hand from his face and pressed it to his mouth. “I already told you I’d take whatever came with you being my girl. The only thing I hate is you being afraid of me. Because I promise, I’ll never hurt you.”

But it wasn’t Darryn I was afraid of facing.

I was afraid of facing the humiliation that had been born in that room. Hated that any moment I spent there with Darryn would be tainted by memories of Hunter.

Darryn pulled me to the edge of the table and wrapped his arms around my waist, his head resting just below my breasts. He looked up at me, the gold of his eyes prominent in the rays of sunlight slanting in through the window. “I just want you to trust me.”

I tickled my fingers down the back of his neck, and he released a raspy breath. And I did trust him.

I knew it now. Knew he was different from Hunter. Knew Darryn cared about me, maybe the way I cared about him.

I could feel him slipping deeper into me the way I felt myself falling further into him.

I wanted to show him how much he meant to me.

Tell him.

But would he feel the same about me when he knew?

I let him pull me ever closer, his hot body all pressed up to mine. Flames licked up the walls of my stomach, sending needy waves of heat through my body, a feeling I’d only ever experienced with Darryn.

Indy had definitely been right. Hunter didn’t have anything on Darryn.

Every part of me was begging for more of him.

His hand clutched my side like he couldn’t bear the thought of letting go. “Can’t get enough of you, Misha,” he whispered, his nose making a pass along the underside of my breast. Shock waves jolted through my system.

Soon I would give him all of me.

The truth. My heart. My body.

Because I knew Darryn would never make me a fool.

chapter eleven

Misha

The doorbell rang and I skipped to the door. I swung it open to Darryn. He rested his shoulder up on the doorjamb, this boy-man-god larger than life, the sun swallowing him up from behind in a halo of blazing light as he stood as a silhouette in my doorway.

My pulse stuttered.

Oh God.

So pretty.

Darryn stepped forward, bringing his face into focus. He was biting at his bottom lip with all that mischief playing in his eyes. Damn him. He knew exactly the effect he had on me.

Then everything about him softened, and he wound his fingers through my hair and brought his hand to the back of my neck. He tugged me forward to place a sweet kiss at the corner of my mouth. I shook a little as his nose slipped along the angle of my jaw. He breathed me in, and there was no mistaking the shudder that rolled down his spine.

I felt a little giddy, struck light-headed by this joy. Guess I liked that I had the same kind of effect on him, too.

“You ready to go, baby?” The words came out all low and rough.

Uh, yeah. I’d go anywhere with him.

I beamed up at him, picked my backpack up off the floor, and hoisted it farther on my shoulders. “Yep. All set. Let’s get this day over with. I have two exams and a presentation. I was ready for today to be over before it even started.”

Darryn chuckled as he tossed his arm over my shoulders, guiding me out of the house and closing the door behind us, leading us in the direction of campus. “You’re going to do great.” He glanced down at me. “Don’t think I’ve seen anyone study the way you do. You make all the rest of us look bad.”

“Pshh.” I waved him off, swaying a little into his side as we walked wound up in each other. “My classes are just rough. If I didn’t study this much, I’d for sure fail, and the last thing I want is to have to take any of these classes over again. No, thank you.”

He kissed my temple. “Smart girl.”

I grinned up at him. “I like to think so.” I attempted a wink, but I was pretty sure it was one long blink.

Darryn howled, his laughter so thick I felt it seeping into my chest. “You are too much, Misha Crosse. You know that?”

We walked like this most days, stealing a few moments close together before we both had to go our separate ways to our different classes. We grabbed just a few minutes together, laughing and goofing around. It was the perfect way to start the day, with his face one of the first things I saw every morning, before he tucked me to his side and walked us toward campus, like I was a piece of him and he was a part of me.

I exhaled in contentment, and Darryn pulled me closer. I felt no hesitation snuggling farther into him. It was beginning to get colder, the fall air turning crisp, the leaves beginning to change. I lifted my face to the cool breeze and just relished the turn of the season, and this turn in my life.

I’d been so fearful about coming back to school. And look at the way things had turned out. What if I’d refused Indy’s invitation and instead stayed in the suffocating safety of my parents’ house, attending a community college, giving up my kids, my goals for the future?

Losing all that would be awful. But the most horrifying part of it all would be the fact that I would never have met this man had I not stepped out and been brave.

I made the decision right then and there, that was what I finally needed to be.

Brave.

Darryn seemed to sense my inner turmoil, and he somehow managed to pull me even tighter to his body. “What are you thinking about?”

I chanced peeking up at him. Nerves tumbled through my stomach, a chaotic scramble of fear and insecurities and hope. I smiled, and it felt almost forced. “Just thinking about you,” I said.

He chuckled, and he buried his face in my neck, leaving a little trail of fire where he nibbled his lips along my skin. “You better be thinking of me, since I can’t think of anything else but you.” He squeezed my side. “What do you say we make it a date night? Go grab a bite to eat and maybe catch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, that would be great.” I chewed at my lip, and the rush of redness I felt blossom on my face had nothing to do with the shyness that had plagued me my whole life, but instead was the stark evidence of the true worry I felt at finally telling Darryn. “I actually have been needing to talk to you about something,” I confessed quietly.

He frowned and slowed, stopping fully to turn and face me. His head canted to the side as he studied my expression. “I don’t think I like the sound of that, Misha. You aren’t letting me take you to dinner with the intention of breaking my heart, are you?” He said it causally, playfully, but I didn’t miss the undertone of fear that laced his words. His own insecurities were evident in the unease that sparked in his eyes.

I loved all of Darryn’s confidence, craved it almost, after all the years I’d lacked it myself. But the truth was, I liked the vulnerability he was now wearing, too. It made him seem real. Genuine. This boy-man-god, in all his glory, the one who stole my breath just as easily as he’d stolen my heart, was not just a figment of my overactive imagination.

“I couldn’t possibly break your heart,” I whispered, averting my gaze to pluck a piece of fuzz from his shirt.

It was my heart on the line.

With caution, I peered up at him, feeling so shy and exposed. But I had to finally lay it all out. Trust him so he could trust me.

Was I really ready for this? To lay myself bare? At his feet?

Would he trample all over my heart when he knew?

Was it worth the chance?

“You just need to know something about me before we go any further.”

His expression turned unreadable, but I felt every single one of the muscles in his body fire, rigid as they flexed, tension winding him tight.

For a moment, I thought he was . . . angry?

Darryn softened, and he lifted his hands, touched my face so softly. Still it scorched me through. “Nothing you can tell me will change the way I feel about you,” he promised, locking our gazes. My breaths turned ragged as he backed me up against the wall of the lecture hall building.

His promise infiltrated my spirit, and I swallowed hard, nodding before I lifted myself to my toes and pressed my mouth to his. It was meant to be innocent, sweet, but Darryn deepened it, swiping his tongue across the seam of my mouth. On a gasp, I opened, then melted as he pinned me to the wall with that glorious body. His tongue skimmed and danced and played against mine with an intensity that I wasn’t close to expecting.

Darryn, the one who’d saved something inside me.

And I felt it pumping, full of life, full of hope, my heart so full I thought it would burst right in my chest.

He pulled back, fisted his hands in my jacket collar, and jerked me toward him. His voice was fierce at my face. “Nothing,” he promised again.

Then he turned and left me standing there, panting, as I watched him disappear in the hustle of students emerging from another class.

Thankfully I had the support of the wall to keep me from dropping to my knees.

Dear. Lord.

I bit at my lip, fighting against the satisfied smile.

“You got some of that for me?”

The voice barely cut into my senses, and I blinked, wondering if it had really been intended for me, but something inside me was sure it had. I turned my head toward the sound of it, and a guy I’d never seen before stood ten feet away, looking directly at me.

“Should have known better than to have bet against Hunter, but something about you looking all innocent in the picture he had of you had me laying down my money in your favor.”

Hunter.

The mention of his name punched me in the gut. I clutched my stomach, bent at the middle. My heart careened to a stop, tightening in my chest in a ball and making it impossible to breathe. I tried to, but I couldn’t get anything down as the air got locked in my throat. I felt light-headed. Sick.

So long. It’d been so long and no one had said a word. I guess I had started to believe no one ever would.

I struggled to draw a breath into my lungs. But the air was gone as the realization of what this stranger was implying seeped into my consciousness.

“You owe me,” he said, like he had the right to even speak to me, and he took a step forward. Confidence dripped from him, that sickening kind that made people choke on it, it was so overbearing and wrong. “Why don’t you come back to my place and I can show you exactly how you can make it up to me?”

Horrified, I felt my mouth drop open in the same second that tears sprang to my eyes, so heavy they blurred my vision of the guy leering at me like I was a nothing, just a plaything to be used up and tossed aside.

Just like Hunter had made me out to be.

Finally something broke, and air raked into my lungs, and I struggled to speak. “D-d-don’t t-t-talk t-t-t-o me. . . .”

He laughed at my expense. “Don’t worry, baby, talking is definitely not what I have in mind.”

I had to get out of here. Escape.

I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing I could disappear, and instead forced my feet to work. I stumbled as I pushed from the wall, an overbearing weight crushing my shoulders.

It hurt. Oh my God, it hurt.

Frantic, I tore through a group of people standing in my way, desperate to keep myself together until I made it home.

“Hey, watch it.”

I didn’t even respond, just propelled myself forward, through the outer campus halls and out onto the street. I ran as fast as my feet could take me, my eyes blinded by tears and my heart broken by shame.

I flew into the house and upstairs. Slamming my door shut behind me, I threw myself on the bed. I buried my face in my pillow.

And I completely fell apart.

chapter twelve

Misha

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Darryn rushed to my bed when I lifted my face. I’d been crying for so long my eyes hurt, my entire face puffy and sore and burning.

I didn’t want him to see me like this. “Just go,” I mumbled into my pillow as I turned in the other direction.

This afternoon, he’d texted me what seemed a hundred times, first to solidify our date plans, then with progressive worry when I didn’t return any of his messages.

But how could I face him? Tell him?

All that confidence I’d felt this morning was long forgotten. It had only been a fantasy. Because I’d seen the results of what Hunter had done, had seen it in the way that guy had looked at me back in the hall, as if I meant nothing and I could be used up any way he deemed fit.

How could Darryn see me any differently?

Darryn’s footsteps treaded tentatively across the room, and I could almost feel the force of his breaths as he heaved them from his lungs and out into the darkness of my room. I pressed my face deeper into my pillow, silently begging it to swallow me up.

I couldn’t do this.

The bed dipped with Darryn’s weight, and he placed a soothing hand on my back.

I shivered, wishing I had the strength to push him away. But all the comfort of his touch slipped along my skin, penetrating deep. I squeezed my eyes shut and choked over a sob brought on by the kindness in Darryn’s gesture.

He rubbed me up and down, all these soft little sounds tumbling from his lips. “Shh . . . baby . . . shh . . . it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

I thought I’d cried enough today that I’d used up all my tears. But no. Darryn showing up here only brought a new onslaught of them, these hot, fat tears that poured from my aching eyes, because God, this hurt so bad, Darryn here, making all these promises that seemed so impossible.

Not after today.

“Tell me what happened,” he murmured in encouragement near my ear. His breath felt cold against my skin where it met with the endless streams of fiery tears flooding down my face. He leaned in closer, sweeping his mouth across the wetness, gathering my tears up with his lips.

I shuddered.

Oh God.

I couldn’t handle this, but I wanted it all the same. Wanted him to take care of me. To make it better.

My avenging angel.

Sent to rescue me from all the wrongs of this world.

He kissed me on my neck, his voice so sure as he released it against the shell of my ear. “I’m here now, baby. Nothing can hurt you. I’ve got you.”

Grief shook my chest.

Darryn slowly rolled me onto my back, and I stared up at him staring down at me. He watched me with all his compassion.

My voice was hoarse. “It h-h-hurts,” I tried to get out, my mouth so dry as I forced the admission from my tongue.

It hurts.

For a flash, the hazel of his eyes pulsed with aggression, an imprisoned rage. But his expression was contrary to what flamed in his eyes. The lines edging the set of his grim mouth promised me it didn’t matter. That like he’d promised me earlier, no matter what I had to say to him, it wouldn’t change the way he felt.

But I no longer felt like telling him.

I couldn’t. Not now.

I just needed him to make me feel better, to cover up all the ache.

I gripped him by the back of the neck and pulled him down to me, desperation behind the ferocity of my kiss.

Darryn froze, then made a veiled attempt to push away, but I just pulled him closer. “Please. Make me feel better. Take this away from me. Just for tonight.”

His nose was an inch from mine, his eyes frantic as they roved all over my face, everywhere and nowhere at once. Confusion and fear lined his, like maybe he felt compelled to save me from myself.

From this decision.

But this decision had already been made.

I wanted him to have me. No words could assuage the hurt and humiliation, the shame Hunter had brought on my name.

No one else but Darryn—his touch, his mouth, his body.

I needed it.

“Please,” I whimpered, arching up. My hips met his like a plea. Please.

Agony twisted up his face for the briefest moment, before he succumbed and dropped to his elbows, caging me.

And I knew . . . knew I’d never be free of him.

And I didn’t want to be.

A frenzy lit in him as soon as our bodies aligned, and he rocked against my core. Need spiraled through my stomach, dropping low, throbbing a discordant beat between my thighs. I felt myself grow aroused. Wet. And I wanted to be embarrassed because I thought maybe he could feel it. But with him? I couldn’t. With him I didn’t feel ashamed.

“Oh God,” I moaned, my hips lifting from the bed to meet him, the roughness of the seam of his jeans rubbing against me. “Please.”

Darryn ran his hands down my sides and slipped them under my shirt. His palms were hot and desperate, and I didn’t stop him when he lifted it and slowly pulled it over my head, for the first time allowing him to peel a piece of clothing from my body.

Darryn shifted his weight to his knees, hovering over me, taking all of me in. His eyes dropped from my eyes, to my mouth, before they roamed over the redness that burned my skin.

My fingers were shaking as I dragged them down his back and to the hem of his shirt. I pulled it over his head. Darryn dropped back down, bringing his skin flush against mine. He felt both soft and hard, rippled muscle and strength that eased over me like a downy blanket, sent to comfort and protect.

My whole body sang, the horrors of this afternoon clashing with how safe Darryn made me feel. Trust flowed from my body in waves, as it arched and begged and bucked into his.

“I need to feel you . . . need to feel you everywhere,” I pled, raking my greedy nails down Darryn’s back.

He groaned, his hoarse voice vibrating against my neck. “Fuck, Misha . . . baby . . . God, I need you, too. You don’t know how much.”

His thick erection strained through his jeans, and I rubbed against it, letting him know that I understood, promising my intentions were the same.

I needed him.

All of him.

He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him. He pushed me back so I was straddling his waist. Darryn stared up at me, keeping almost all of his attention on my face, but he kept stealing these glances down my body, at the bra that was still covering up my breasts, at my chest that heaved and my stomach that clenched.

I reached back and flicked open the clasp on my bra, and my head tipped back as I let the straps slide down my arms.

Because I wanted him to see me. All of me. To understand that he was the only one I ever wanted to see me this way. That all of this should have belonged to him and I never should have given it away.

Regret filled up every crevice of my heart, and I wished . . . wished it’d been him, that the first time I’d had sex it hadn’t been all a ploy to bring me to my knees, just a wicked game played by wicked boys.

I wished I’d been cherished.

Loved.

Like I was sure Darryn was loving me now.

Darryn moaned as he grabbed me by the hips, pressing me firmly against him. “Can’t wait to be inside you.”

All that energy fired, pinged across the confines of my room, and clashed in an all-out war with the hurt of this afternoon. Everything felt so heavy and light. Blinding.

I wanted Darryn to take it all away.

I rocked over him, and on a ragged hiss, he gripped me tighter. Darryn pinched his eyes closed as if he’d been tripped, caught somewhere in his own painful thoughts.

“Wanna kill him, Misha . . . wanna hurt him for making you feel this way. For making you think you need to be ashamed.”

His words slammed into my consciousness. Images flashed. Me in a position so much like this, my breasts bared and my head thrown back.

I knew what it looked like in the video. Like I was lost in passion, like I’d wanted to be exposed, set on display. Like I was desperate for attention.

But I’d been in pain, both physically and emotionally. It had been my first time and Hunter had just rammed inside me before I was ready, after he’d persuaded me to ride him because he said that was the only way he liked it.

All of those warning bells had been going off, and I knew something was so off, because I didn’t feel loved or safe.

The worst part of it all was that he’d convinced me to let him take a picture. At least that was what I thought it was, because he’d actually been recording me.

A bet that he could get a virgin on top and a picture to prove it.

That’s all it’d been. A joke.

Horrified, I felt like every cell in my body froze, before it began to shake uncontrollably. I fell forward, keeping myself braced on the strength of Darryn’s chest before I crumbled.

I wanted to blink away the image, to assign it to coincidence.

But there was no mistaking Darryn’s words. He said he wanted to kill Hunter . . . for making me ashamed.

Darryn knew. He’d lied to me.

His eyes flew open as if he’d just realized the slip he made. He looked up at me with panic strewn all over his face.

“What did you just say?” I demanded, dread whipping through my entire being, a cold chill biting my skin.

I shivered and did my best to swallow down the nausea that rushed up my throat.

Rapidly, Darryn blinked and shook his head, as if he were searching for something to say.

For an excuse.

Oh my God.

No.

I scrambled in an effort to get away. Darryn grabbed my wrist, trying to yank me back onto the bed, but I jerked it away and fell to my knees on the floor. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me.”

I fisted the edge of the sheet and ripped it from the bed, clutched it to my front as if it could shield me from all the pain that tore me in two. Violently.

If I thought I hurt this afternoon? Or that night months ago when Hunter had stood there, laughing at me, taunting me, telling me I was nothing but a fool?

It didn’t come close to touching this.

I forced myself to climb to my unsteady feet, backing into the wall with the thin sheet crumpled in front of me.

Darryn slowly stood from the bed but stayed there at the edge, his shoulders dropped low as if it would give him some sort of edge, fool me into thinking he wasn’t just as vicious as the rest of them.

“You knew?” I begged through a whisper, praying he’d deny it, all the while knowing if he did, it would be another lie.

His throat bobbed heavily as he swallowed, and he nodded. “Yes.” The word was rough and ripped through my soul.

A cry shot from my throat before I could stop it, and I slammed my hand over my mouth, trying to keep it in.

But there was no keeping this heartbreak from pouring free.

“Misha . . .” He took a step forward. “Listen to me. I knew, yes, but—”

“Just sh-sh-shut up. Shut up!” My voice cracked. “I c-c-can’t believe you’d do this to me. C-c-can’t believe you’d stoop so low.”

“Misha,” he pled, taking another step forward. “It’s not what you think.”

“Did you bet?” My chin quivered with the question.

Remorse made a slow pass through his body, and he shook his head. “No . . . of course not. But I need to be honest with you . . . I was there the first night he made the bet with all the guys.” He swallowed again. “And I was there two days later when he brought the video over. I watched it with them.”

Agony twisted up my face, and I attempted to take a step back, but only backed into the wall. “Y-y-you . . . you were there? You laughed with them? While they made me a joke?”

Was that the kind of guy he was? Just as cruel, just as mean as the others?

“No” flew from his mouth. “Never. The night the bets were made . . . Hunter was drunk, spouting off his mouth like he always does. He started talking shit about how easily he could have this new girl he started dating, claiming you were a virgin. Then he showed us a picture of you and you were so sexy. Beautiful. And I thought there wasn’t a chance that you hadn’t been with someone before. I didn’t believe him. I just thought it was more of his stupid games, so I didn’t give it a second thought. All the rest of the assholes at the party tossed in money, saying he didn’t have a chance with you. It got out of hand . . . all of them started throwing out different things he had to make you do.”

And I could feel my heart crumbling. Splintering into a thousand pieces.

“Two days later, he brought over his proof. I tried to talk him out of it when he loaded the video to that site.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “But once it was there, I couldn’t stop watching it because there was something about you that drew me to you. Then when I saw you out front that day, I knew you were nothing like any of those guys played you out to be.”

I felt so dirty. Filthy. Like I could feel it crawling all over the surface of my skin. I wanted to scrape it away. “Get out,” I said as firmly as I could, feeling my heart cracking a little more. Because I had thought he was different. I had wanted him to be different.

“Misha . . . please. I’m so sorry.”

“Get out!” I repeated. “Get out!” I screamed.

Darryn winced, then backed away. He started for the door, paused to look back at me. “I fell in love with you, Misha. I’m sorry it all started at the hands of an asshole. But I’m not him. And you are definitely not that girl.”

He just stood there. So beautiful.

I wanted to believe him.

But he was dishonest. A liar. And he had made me out to be a fool. Again.

“Go,” I whispered quietly, but there was no question he heard.

He nodded, then stepped out my door.

chapter thirteen

Misha

Indy jerked the covers down. Bright light burned my eyes, and I grappled for the end of my comforter and dragged it back over my head.

“Come on, get out of bed, you have got to stop moping around,” she said.

I groaned a little more, securing the blanket tight around my body. “No. And I’m not moping.”

I was pretty sure the act of “moping” required walking, and since I’d basically been confined to my bed for the last seven days, I could swear none of that had been going on.

Indy yanked the comforter back just as hard. “Yes, you are moping, and yes, you are getting out of this bed. It’s been seven days. Enough already.”

So maybe Indy and I dealt with our pain differently. She went out, partied it out of her system.

I wallowed in it.

“It’s not enough when it still hurts.”

Sympathy softened her face when I reluctantly peeked up at her. She ran her fingers through my tangled hair. I hadn’t washed it in days. “I know, sweetie. But I can’t let you stay in here any longer. It’s unhealthy. Besides, the big game is tonight and Courtney wants all of us to come into Gruby’s. Her friend Amber has a table reserved for us and everything. It’ll be fun . . . take your mind off him for a while.”

I was certain it would most definitely not be fun, and even more assuredly it would do nothing to rid my mind of what plagued it.

Darryn.

I loved him and hated him, those two emotions all balled up into a big old mess of emotion that sat like a gloomy lump right smack in the center of my chest.

I still couldn’t make sense of it, why he would lie, other than the truth that he was playing the exact same game Hunter had been. I couldn’t believe he even knew him. Associated with him. They’d been friends. That in itself felt like the worst kind of betrayal. That every time he’d held me . . . kissed me . . . just months before he’d been sitting around a table with Hunter while he plotted the demise of my innocence.

“Come on, babe. Get up. Take a shower. You’ll feel so much better after you do. I promise we won’t stay long, but I can’t let you lie around like this any longer. You wouldn’t let me do it, so unless you want me to drag your ass out of that bed by force, you need to get up.”

I tossed the covers aside. “Fine.”

Indy grinned. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

Uh, yes, it was. She had no clue.

My entire body ached when I rolled over to the edge of my bed and placed my feet on the floor. I gathered a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. I turned the faucet as hot as it would go and let the tiny room fill up with steam that I breathed in, hoping the warmth could chase the cold from my soul.

I stayed in the shower for too long, until my skin was red and shriveled and I had a very irate roommate pounding on the other side of the door.

“I didn’t pull you from one hiding spot to let you sneak off to another. Get out of the shower. We’re leaving in five minutes.”

Shaking my head, I turned off the faucet and climbed from the shower, toweled off, and halfheartedly dressed.

Ha.

Halfheartedly.

Not even close.

None of my heart was in this.

But I guessed I had little choice in the matter.

Indy banged at the door again.

I went back into my room and shoved my feet in a pair of boots, glancing out at the waning day through the slats in my window. The sky was filled with winter clouds that had taken over Michigan the last two days, the approaching twilight just as dreary as I felt.

I hauled myself out of my room and downstairs. “Fine, I’m ready.”

Chloe, Indy, and I pulled on jackets and filed out the door onto the sidewalk. I struggled to keep up with them as they chatted and laughed, feeling none of the excitement that poured from them as they talked about the game going on tonight and how cool it was our football team was so close to winning the championships. Tonight’s away game would be broadcast live on cable, which of course Gruby’s would be playing proudly tonight.

Rain threatened and teased, spitting little droplets of water that chilled me all the way to my bones. Warily, I peeked up at the sky, my face immediately pelted with stinging dots of frigid water.

Great.

It had just started to really rain by the time we made it to the sports bar. We rushed inside with our heads ducked, pulled our wet jackets off, and shook them out as we stepped up to the hostess station.

Amber, Courtney’s friend, saw us from across the room, and she wove through the overflowing crowd, the dim-lit room so thick with bodies that people stood along the walls and gathered in groups around tables.

“There you guys are! Courtney has been waiting for you.” She grinned and grabbed some menus. “Come on, I have you in my section.”

We followed her, and I kept my head down, no longer feeling that ease that I’d so foolishly given myself over to in the last two months, thinking that no one here knew my face. It’d only been proven last week by the jerk who’d accosted me outside my building. All week I hadn’t made it to class, unable to face what was waiting for me outside the doors. If someone confronted me about it again? I wouldn’t know how to survive it.

But Indy was right. I couldn’t just keep hiding. That was the girl I’d been my entire life. Always seeking out the places where I felt most comfortable. Taking paths with the least risk. Doing everything in my power to shy away from anything that would make me nervous or apprehensive.

No doubt what I was feeling now was much more than just unease.

This was physical pain, pain that had been inflicted cruelly, everything about it unfair.

But what could I do short of running back to my parents?

That was no longer an option.

I settled into one of the barstools at the high round table, and accepted the menu from Amber. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she said, “just let me know what you guys want. The kitchen is pretty backed up since it’s so busy, but I’ll try to get a rush on it.”

Mumbling another quiet thank-you, I turned to study the menu. I hadn’t eaten in days, and my body felt weak. Tired. I knew it was about time I started to pick up the pieces and took care of myself.

Darryn had destroyed something deep inside and I needed to figure out how to begin fixing it.

I suppressed my mocking laughter, all of it aimed at myself.

Darryn the Destroyer.

Some fairy tale he’d turned out to be.

Turned out he’d been sent to ruin another piece of me.

My chest tightened as sadness pooled in my belly. And that was the truth of it. It made me sad, because I missed him. Missed his face, missed all that arrogance that endeared him to me, the way he joked and laughed. Most of all, I missed the way he’d made me feel.

Sighing, I shoved it off and forced myself to try and enjoy the time with my friends. We ordered, and Amber brought me a beer that I had no stomach for. Still I sipped at it and tried to relax in the boisterous mood of the bar, the lights dimmed and the huge television screens streaming the game. Cheers rang out, everyone there to support our team. People would jump to their feet and grip their heads on the tricky plays and boo when our team fumbled or the vying team gained on them.

No one even seemed to know I was there. I’d disappeared. Become invisible. Just like I wanted to be. I let my mind wander with the noise, and I sank into the first calm I’d felt in days.

“Well, look who’s here.” The voice came from behind, just at my shoulder. It sent fear slicking icy tendrils down my spine, leaving a frozen path in its wake.

I shook and a knot formed in my throat. I hadn’t seen him since that night when I found out what he’d done, when I’d confronted him, trying to be brave when all I’d felt like was a stupid little girl.

All I wanted was to curl into a ball under the table.

Instead I sat stock-still, all except for the rush of goose bumps that lifted in warning on my neck when his vile presence encroached on me from behind. Something triggered my senses, and I was assaulted by memories of the smell in his room, ones I could only attribute to Hunter. Something threatening—vulgar and depraved. It flooded my nostrils and manifested as nausea in my stomach.

“Been too long, Misha.” Hunter laughed, a taunting sound that took me back to that night and how deeply he had hurt me.

Anger and shame billowed through me, but I kept myself still and gave him no response. Maybe if I ignored him long enough he would leave me alone.

I should have known a jerk like Hunter would not give up.

He ran his hand along my shoulder and gripped me by the back of the neck, as if he had some sort of God-given right to touch me.

I cringed and tried to fling off the perversity of his touch.

I choked as he gripped me tighter.

And the tears came.

God, I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to be that naive little girl that cowered in front of him.

But I couldn’t stop the tears from breaking free. Heated, they raced down my face and dripped from my chin. I didn’t wipe them away, praying he couldn’t see them in the dark.

“Aw . . . are you crying?” he said as if it were sympathy, but he said it loud, so the people around him would hear. He was begging for an audience, the way he always did.

My hands fisted.

Maybe it was Hunter who was the coward, so insecure he needed to steal the attention of others around him to make him feel good.

Not at my expense. Not ever again.

“L-l-leave me a-a-alone,” I tried to get out of my shaking throat, my tongue all twisted and thick.

The motion seemed to jar Indy from the game, and her eyes narrowed when she turned and found Hunter looming over my shoulder. He paid her no mind, just continued to degrade me.

“Oh . . . come on, M-M-M-M-Misha,” Hunter drew out, digging the knife a little deeper. I could almost feel myself bleeding out. “Know how much you like me. Let’s say you and me go for another round. Maybe this time you won’t be so shy.”

Vomit lifted in my throat, and I swallowed it down.

By now, Hunter had garnered that attention he was always hungry for, and all the tables surrounding us had tuned in on us, curious eyes peering our way. I could feel them, watching.

“I wouldn’t mind a little retake,” he almost shouted, his obnoxious laughter ringing through the room.

“L-l-leave me alone.”

Indy leaned toward him, her brow all pinched up in a scowl. “Take a hint, Hunter. She doesn’t want anything to do with you, so why don’t you get your sorry ass away from her? Like she’d ever let a pathetic asshole loser like you touch her again.”

“Fuck you,” he hissed in her direction, and he twisted his hand in my hair, tight enough that it made me yelp. “The only two people this concerns are me and Misha.”

And I hated . . . hated him that he thought he had even an ounce of control over me, hated that he made my heart pound in fear and my stomach turn with sickness. I refused to allow him this.

“L-l-let me g-g-go.”

“I’ll let you go when I’m ready to.”

My heart hammered with a flutter of energy that suddenly swirled around me, movement at my side that I couldn’t process, but I saw Hunter’s eyes widen with something like shock. A fist rammed into the side of his face. I screamed in both relief and confusion, my eyes going wide as Hunter’s head violently rocked to the side, his hand releasing its hold in my hair as he stumbled back.

“Wrong.” Darryn stood just off to my side, seething, flexing his fists while Hunter rubbed at his jaw. “You let go of her when she tells you to.”

Darryn glanced over at me as if he were in pain, as if seeing me here hurt him just as badly as Hunter had been hurting me.

Completely caught off guard and confused by the rage boiling in Darryn’s body, Hunter seemed flustered. He rubbed at his jaw. “What the fuck, dude? You just fucking punched me.”

Darryn sneered at him. “And I’ll gladly do it again if I ever find you anywhere near her,” Darryn growled. He took a menacing step forward, his jaw clenched tight in warning. “You got me?”

Hunter chuckled when his eyes darted between the two of us, like he was slowly catching on. “Oh, I got it. Your turn to take her for a ride.”

Rage filled Darryn’s eyes, and he rushed forward, gaining speed as he rammed into Hunter. Hunter flew back into the table. The table toppled over, wood crashed on the hard floor, and mugs flew to the ground, shattering when they hit. Hunter landed on top of it all. Everyone scattered, a rush of voices and screams and people jumping out of the way.

Darren dove for Hunter, straddling him as he landed blow after blow. “Stay the fuck away from her, you got me? Stay. Away.” He fisted his hands in Hunter’s shirt, lifted him from the floor, and then slammed him back down. “If anyone ever says one word to her about that video . . . if anyone even thinks about it . . . I’m going to hold you personally responsible. You understand what I’m telling you?”

Hunter groaned, nodding weakly.

I backed away, shaking, trying to catch my breath and make sense of what Darryn had done.

Indy came over and reached to wrap me in her arms.

I shook her off. “I need some air . . . just . . . I’m fine.”

Reluctantly she nodded, then released me. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

I ran outside. Rain poured from above. Freezing cold water drenched my hair and face, soaked through my T-shirt. Overcome, I dropped to my knees, weeping as I bent toward the loose-pebbled ground of the parking lot. Chills rolled through my body, and my teeth chattered.

The door flew open, and Darryn came running out. He skidded to a stop when he saw me on the ground, the anger on his face transforming with remorse and sorrow.

The rain continued to spill from the sky, dousing his hair and soaking into his clothes. Long chunks of his light bangs clung to his forehead, all of his questions sweeping across his face as he watched me with caution.

My boy-man-god. My avenging angel. All that skin wet and glistening under the streetlamps that glinted in the driving rain.

I gasped when he seemed to win whatever war was raging inside him, and he jogged to me and scooped me into his arms. He hoisted me high up and hugged me to his chest. “I’ve got you.”

He began to walk away from the bar, his feet urgent as he carried me without looking back. Behind us, every sound bled away into nothing until all I could hear was the erratic beat of Darryn’s heart where my ear rested against his chest.

He leaned down and tenderly brushed his lips across my forehead. “I love you,” he murmured, never stopping his stride. “Not gonna let him hurt you. Not ever again, Misha. Not ever again.”

His steps never faltered as he carried me toward our neighborhood. He started to turn up the walkway to my house, and I clutched his shirt. “Take me to your house . . . to your room.”

He hesitated, looking between me and the window on the second floor of his house, weighing what was right, maybe weighing if I was thinking clearly or not.

“Please . . . just . . . I need to go there. To face what Hunter did to me there.”

Slowly he nodded in understanding. “Okay.”

He hefted me a little more securely into his arms and quickly made his way into his house. Inside, everything was quiet and dark. He carried me up the stairs, cautious as he twisted his bedroom doorknob without ever letting me go. The door slowly swung open to the room where I’d allowed Hunter to take advantage of me.

But had it ever really been my fault? Was trust such a bad thing?

My pulse was all thready and harsh, clattering around in my rib cage as my spirit came to the realization.

Because I wanted to be that girl, the one who trusted with everything she had and loved with every piece of her spirit.

I didn’t want to be scared or hard or filled with hatred. I didn’t want to miss out on what this world had to offer because there were some in it who would rather hurt than cling to the good.

And as Darryn stood there with me in his arms in his doorway, I knew that was exactly what I was doing, my hands in fists in his shirt and my face buried in the perfect warmth of his chest.

I was clinging to the good.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Darryn carried me in and set me on his bed. He climbed down to his knees, all of his movements watchful and slow, assuring me I didn’t have to be afraid.

No longer would I allow myself to be.

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”

I nodded but made no move to help him as he took charge, unlaced my soaked boots, and pulled them from my feet. He dropped them to the floor, turned to peel off my socks and my jeans. His smile was both timid and reassuring when he glanced up at me. Gently he gathered the hem of my shirt, his eyes filled with devotion as he slowly removed it. Leaving me in my panties and bra, he pulled a fresh T-shirt from his drawer. He said nothing as he settled it over my body.

It swallowed me, it was so big, but I knew it fit perfectly. The way Darryn perfectly fit me.

He shed his own clothes, down to his underwear, then lifted the blankets. “Climb under,” he whispered.

I slipped in, and I felt my entire body sigh in relief when he got in beside me and pulled me into his arms.

He brushed his fingers through my hair, his mouth pressed to the top of my head as he murmured quietly, “Please forgive me, Misha . . . for lying to you the first day I met you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His lips moved slowly as he brought them to my ear. “I love you . . . I meant it when I told you the other day. I fell in love with this sweet, shy, beautiful girl . . . She’s the same one who was in that video . . . one who trusts and loves and sees the world unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are.”

And I let go, sobbing in his arms, let it all out, because he knew—and he still loved me. I cried because I’d spent so much time hating the girl I was instead of embracing her. Instead of finding someone who accepted her.

I guess I needed to accept myself first.

He leaned forward, his touch tender as he wiped all my tears away.

Pulling back, I stared up at him. “I love you, Darryn. So much. I should have told you, too, but I was so scared you wouldn’t want me anymore once you found out.”

“Not possible,” he said, kissing me tenderly. “Not for a second. Not for a day.”

He pulled me impossibly closer, my entire body tucked against the warmth of his and my head pressed to the strong, even beat of his heart. “Sleep, sweet girl. I’m here. And I’m never going to let you go.”

chapter fourteen

Misha

I tied a towel under my arms and studied myself in the foggy mirror as I pulled a brush through my thick, curly hair. It was so strange looking at myself so differently, finally seeing myself for who I was rather than the person I thought I’d wanted to be.

Naive.

Maybe I was. Maybe I would always be.

But through my experiences I knew I could no longer count myself a fool. Now I knew it was okay to be looking at things through trusting eyes, although I’d just be looking a little closer. Examining intentions without losing the heart of who I was.

Who I knew I really wanted to be.

I cast myself a soft smile, before I unlocked the bathroom door and padded out to Darryn’s closed one. I’d spent the last two days here, pretty much in his bed with his arms around me. All day yesterday we’d just talked and watched movies, a strong sense of calm and belonging filling me up with every second I spent with him.

Oh yeah.

And kissing.

A whole lot of it, too. We’d given ourselves over to relearning each other with the walls we’d put up to protect our secrets crumbled to the ground. No longer were there barriers between us, and it just felt good to bask in the entirety of his presence, complete and without pretenses or truths concealed. I’d just relished all that golden light that reflected something both dangerous and perfect in Darryn. My protector. My gorgeous avenging angel.

My boy-man-god who stole my breath.

My heart.

I twisted the knob and his door swung open. Darryn sat on the edge of his bed, wearing only his underwear, his hair still damp from his own shower. His chest flexed with strength, and his lips turned up at the edges, the softest of smiles taking him over as he caught me standing in his doorway taking him in.

Who could blame me?

Darryn chased a wave of redness from where his perusal began, at my bare legs, as his eyes caressed every inch of my skin. My thighs shook when he stared at them a beat longer than the rest. I could feel the heat of my blush, heading north just ahead of his stare, as if my body were preparing itself for the desperate need that would grow in me as Darryn’s gaze caressed up my skin. Finally he brought those hazel eyes all the way to my face.

“Can’t believe my fantasy is standing right there at my door.”

I shook with his honesty, with his blatant desire as he greedily looked at me.

I edged forward, and with each step I took, Darryn lifted his face a little more, tilting his head back as I came to stand between his legs. All those little darts of energy flew, fired, and fed the frenzy that was steadily building between us.

For two nights I’d slept in his bed with all those pesky layers of clothing still firmly set in place.

Darryn reached up and cupped my face. “My fantasy because I never thought I’d get the chance to love someone like you . . . my heart because I’d never thought I’d find someone I was ready to love.” A soft smile pulled at one side of his mouth, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “But you . . . you’ve become everything.”

He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip, and my tongue flitted out, just teasing his fingertip as it made a gentle pass. “Misha,” he whispered hoarsely.

I opened my mouth and sucked his thumb into my mouth.

“Shit,” he hissed, his jaw clenching as I pulled his thumb deeper inside my mouth, as I sucked and kissed. “What are you doing?” He choked over the question.

I couldn’t stop my gaze from slipping down over his wide shoulders to his taut stomach, finally drawn to find his erection that was straining at the thin material of his underwear.

My stomach tightened, and all those butterflies flapped and flew. A tumble of nerves tripped through every inch of my body as all of this pent-up desire broke free and beat frantically through my veins.

Darryn’s expression darkened with lust, and his hazel eyes flamed the most intense green.

As hard as I listened, no bells were going off in my head, no warning to get away and get away fast. All I could hear was the rapid beat of my heart that escalated with each breath I took, all of the affection I felt for this man bursting free.

I released Darryn’s thumb, and he stared up at me, panting as I undid the knot that held the towel under my arms. It dropped to the floor at my feet.

Darryn exhaled, heavy and hard, and though it seemed impossible, his eyes darkened more, desire evident in every cell of his body as he let his gaze drop and wander.

And I didn’t feel self-conscious or shy.

I felt beautiful.

Like this was right.

I braced myself on Darryn’s shoulders and leaned in close enough to brush my lips across his. For a second it was just soft brushes and lingering caresses, before we completely caught fire.

Darryn wound his arms around my waist, and in one movement, he lifted me from my feet and had my back pinned to his bed. And that glorious body was hovering over mine, caging me in and still making me feel the safest that I’d ever been.

“Are you sure you want this, Misha? I told you I’d wait as long as you needed me to, so you need to let me know what you’re thinking right now because I’m not sure my body is thinking the same thing you are.”

I wet my lips, searching his eyes and finding all the love I wanted to see staring back at me. “I asked you to be patient with me . . . respect me . . . to be honest with me.” I fluttered my fingertips down his face and across his mouth, and Darryn gently kissed each of them as they passed. “You’ve been all those things. Even in your lie there was honesty, and I know you’ll never take advantage of me. I trust you.”

“You don’t know how badly I wanted to hear those words.”

Darryn descended on me, his kiss everywhere, on my mouth and my jaw and my neck. I gasped when he went for my breast, drawing my nipple into the well of his wet mouth.

Flames tore through my insides. “Oh my God,” I whimpered, burying my hands in his hair, gripping and clutching while Darryn ignited something inside me I’d never felt before. It was all-around consuming, this untamed feeling that built and spread in the pit of my stomach, growing, begging for more.

I rocked against him, asking for it.

“I know, baby, I’ve got you.”

I whimpered when he pushed his weight back to his knees, and his head dropped below his shoulders as he slowly worked down my abdomen, kissing under my belly button, raking his lips over to my hip and down the outside of my leg.

My head spun when I realized Darryn was suddenly fully kneeling between my legs, heat searing me from the inside out. Without a doubt, my milky skin was glowing red, a flush of desire and a surge of warmth.

He looked up at me, his expression fueled by lust, but a lust that went so much deeper than just the physical. Like he wanted to consume me, heart and body and soul.

“P-p-please.” The word scraped up my throat and left my mouth on a barely constrained plea.

Because Darryn owned every single one of those parts of me.

He dove in, his tongue making a deep pass through my folds.

“Darryn,” I cried out, his name sung like praise.

I had no idea anything could feel so good.

Until he turned all his attentions to that little spot that throbbed and begged, just as needy as the incoherent words that were tumbling from my mouth. “Darryn,” I whimpered. “I don’t . . . I—I—I—”

“Shh.” His voice vibrated against my slick flesh, and that was it.

I came undone. And I thought I understood the meaning of an orgasm, what all the hype was about, but I had no clue. Pleasure tore through me at the surety of Darryn’s touch. Wave after wave, I was rocked in a jumbled state of pure bliss.

Before I could catch my breath, Darryn was on his knees, pushing his underwear down his thighs and kicking them aside.

What little air I could find was knocked free. Gaping, I couldn’t look away. I was struck dumb . . . silenced when all that was Darryn was revealed to me.

This boy-man-god was so beautiful that he left me in an almost terrified state of awe, because every part of Darryn had been masterfully created. My mouth ran dry as I tentatively reached out, my fingers trembling along the underside of his massive erection.

I watched in fascination as Darryn jerked, and his face twisted up in an almost tortured pleasure-pain.

“Careful,” he warned.

Redness lit on my face, and I bit at my lip, maybe feeling a little too proud that I caused this kind of reaction in him.

Darryn leaned over and dug through the little drawer beside his bed. His expression was all earnest and fierce. He kept his eyes trained on mine as he rolled on a condom. I shook as he settled his perfect body over mine.

I was pinned beneath him, though much of his weight rested on his elbows, our chests touching as the beat of our hearts worked to catch up with one another, each pulse racing faster than the last.

Darryn ran his fingers through my hair. He smiled the softest smile. “You’re shaking,” he murmured in quiet understanding, a question almost hitched at the end.

Are you okay?

I shifted so our bodies were aligned.

“I’m nervous,” I admitted quietly, licking my lips to rid myself of some of the nerves that were stampeding out of control. “My first time wasn’t exactly the best experience of my life . . . and I want . . . I—I—I want this to be different.”

Darryn shifted to take my hand, threading his fingers through my mine and tucking our hands up between us. He kissed across my knuckles, his breath like a soft breeze of reassurance that was pumped directly into my spirit.

“This is different.” He kissed my wrist, running his nose along the underside as if to draw me in, to bring me closer than we already were. “It’s different because when I look at you, I don’t see some girl who is a weak victim. What I see is a girl who is so strong that she overcomes every cruel and unfair obstacle placed in her way. It’s different because I see someone to be cherished rather than someone to be used.”

Affection played through his eyes. “It’s different because I’m in love with you . . . desperately.” He trailed his fingers down my face, and hooked his finger under my chin, tilting my mouth up to his. “And I see it when you look at me, that you feel the same. That you’re loving me as much as I’m loving you. That means everything is different.”

Slowly he pressed himself into me. All the air left me in one sharp gasp as my body accepted all of him, stretching me, filling me so full it would almost have hurt if it didn’t feel so unbelievably good.

“This is me giving you all of me. Forever.” He pulled away, before he rocked back into me with one firm thrust.

This time when Darryn pulled back, I lifted my hips to meet the force of his as he drove himself deep into me.

“I want to mean everything,” he said.

I wrapped my legs around his hips and gave him my all, whimpered and moaned as he wound that feeling back into the deepest, most secret place inside me.

“Everything,” I promised through my ragged pants as Darryn worked his body over mine. All those darts of energy sparked, a live charge shot straight into my heart. It spiraled down to my core, and I felt it building with every surge of his body.

“I love you,” I whispered just before he tilted his hips and took me hard. Another wave of ecstasy swallowed me whole, stealing my breath and mind.

Darryn pushed and strained, groaning loud as his body tensed, his own pleasure rolling in tremors through all his brimming strength, his muscles bunched and coiled in his release.

For a few moments, Darryn remained still, gathering his breath, before he pushed up with his hands on either side of my head, his nose an inch from mine. His eyes were almost wild as he stared down at me with a look of pure possession.

I’d become his.

My avenging angel.

The one who’d been sent not to destroy but to expose something vital that had been so difficult for me to see.

To show me it was okay to be me.