Wintergreen

Chapter 2

“You’re in trouble?”

“I…not trouble exactly, Matthew.” As an opening speech, it lacked something, because that seemed to be the end of it. So much anxiety, so much adrenaline pumping, so many raw nerves… She had been prepared for an angry tirade and the gentleness of his questions had taken her by surprise.

“Sit down, Misha. Just tell me about it,” he suggested quietly.

She leaned back in the chair and glanced up at him. No one but Matthew had ever called her Misha. She had been christened Mishalorna; her great-grandfather had been Russian, and her father had taught the language. But the name had lasted no longer than her infancy. Lorna was so much easier. Richard, especially, had always objected to the exotic hint of the foreign name.

Matthew hadn’t, and a very long time ago his special diminutive had always sounded teasing and affectionate. Now the sound of it sent a swift, strange rush of warmth through her. She grappled with the cool, distant speech she had prepared in her head. “I’m sure you feel I haven’t any right to be here, and I promise I won’t take up much of your time. If you’ll just hear me out-”

“You haven’t changed.”

He was studying her, his eyes skimming over her crossed legs and supple, slim body, apparently assessing the difference nine years had made. His jaw seemed to tighten as he took in soft red lips and expressive gray eyes, the way she brushed her hair back from her forehead, the pale blue knit dress gently molded to her figure.

Disconcerted by his intimate survey, Lorna glanced down and tried to compose her thoughts again. It wasn’t as if he could honestly be happy to see her.

“Misha? Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

“Yes. Of course.” The thing to do was to get it over with. Lorna focused deliberately on the sheen of the teak desk rather than on those unfathomable eyes of his. There was no way she was going to let this drag on any longer than it had to. “The last time I saw you, Matthew, I was in the hospital. If you remember, you offered me a check for ten thousand dollars from…Richard.”

The room suddenly seemed plunged into silence. She saw Matthew’s impenetrable mask drop; the pulse in his throat was working overtime. Neither of them could forget that day, her son just born and Richard unwilling even to see her again; Matthew visibly upset by the role he was supposed to play in getting rid of her. She could still remember Matthew’s face, the color of ash; the sterile white hospital room; her own shock and despair and the tears that just kept coming. What did you expect? Matthew had demanded. God, Misha, stop it. Why wouldn’t you let me help you before it was too late?

He remembered. She could see it in his eyes. “I hope,” he said in a low, harsh voice, “you’ve got a damned good reason for bringing it up again. I know at the time you didn’t have the sense to cash the check.”

“No.” She met his eyes squarely. “But I need the money now, Matthew.”

He just stared at her, his whole body taut and tense. “Misha, Richard’s been dead for more than eight years. Forget the past for a moment and just tell me what kind of trouble you’re in.” He gave the order quietly, even gently, but it was clearly an order nonetheless.

Lorna shook her head, her hands feeling suddenly shaky. “Matthew, I don’t want anything from you,” she said in a low voice. “But Richard felt he owed me that money. I could have had it then-it was mine.” She swallowed. Her eyes, grave and anxious, never left his. “Demanding something for nothing isn’t my style, Matthew. The thought makes my stomach turn over. But I felt…that was a debt. Your brother-”

“What was between you and Richard had nothing to do with me. I don’t want to hear about it, Misha.”

She’d been expecting just that glacial tone when he first walked in. Not now, after he’d seemed so open…Matthew at his most impenetrable was all ice. She knew he was like this in court, even with his family sometimes, but never before had he been so cold toward her.

His brows were knitted together as he studied her. Then gradually his forehead smoothed out as he watched her eyes cloud with distress. “Misha,” he said gently, “I told you a long time ago that you could always come to me if you were in trouble. There’s no reason to bring the past into it. Just tell me…”

She leaped up from her chair, crossing her arms under her breasts defensively as she walked to the window. His voice had changed from ice to velvet, and a strange sensation shivered down her spine. She’d never thought of Matthew as anything other than an older brother in her short year and a half of marriage, yet seeing him again after all this time… It was different, that was all. She just couldn’t seem to feel the same way. He was not her brother-in-law, not anymore, yet he was still the man she’d shared so much laughter with many years ago. He’d helped her out of that shell of shyness Richard had had so little patience with. Confused for no reason, she touched her fingertips to her temples.

“Misha?”

She turned. “I need the money for Johnny. For my son.”

It was as if lightning had suddenly struck the room; she could feel the close atmosphere of sudden storm, the threat of thunder…and knew she’d been a fool to come here. Her nerve endings suddenly tensed up like a thousand rubber bands stretched taut.

“For help with your son?” Matthew echoed coldly. “Dammit, Misha, how the hell could you have come here about the child? Maybe I could have done something before-you’re the one who shut me out then…” Ebony eyes stared at her, and his voice grew lower. “Unless you’ve already been to the boy’s father-”

Her nerve endings snapped then. “No, I haven’t been to the boy’s father,” she ground out. “And I wouldn’t have, even if Richard were still alive.” Swooping toward the leather chair, she snatched up her purse, her hands trembling and her eyes taking on fire. “And I shut you out then, Matthew, because you wouldn’t have listened. Any more than your brother listened, or your father.” She shook her head wildly, whipping back her chestnut hair. “By that time, I’d had all I could take of the other Whitaker men. I just couldn’t take abuse from you, too, Matthew. You’re so right, all of you. So black-and-white right. You should all have been judges, not merely attorneys. Passing sentence on the rest of humanity from your nice little pedestals-”

“Misha-”

“I don’t care what you think anymore. If it weren’t for Johnny, I wouldn’t have come back here in a thousand years-” Matthew had ripped open the old wound, and the pain seared through her as she remembered the agony of one long, desperate day after another so many years ago. They had charged her with adultery, and she’d had no way to prove her innocence…but it shouldn’t still matter. Richard was dead. The wounds made by his father’s blistering contempt had scarred over. Only Matthew… She’d thought there was just a chance Matthew might believe her now. She should have known better, just from living with Johnny. A Whitaker never forgot or forgave an injustice. It came with the genes. And she was an idiot to have come here. Her eyes blurred with a disgusting film of tears.

Suddenly, she felt Matthew’s persuasive grip on her shoulders.

“Look. Why don’t you sit down for a minute-”

“Just leave me alone-”

“I’ll leave you alone,” he agreed quietly, and promptly didn’t. All she wanted to do was get out of there, yet she felt the backs of her legs brushing against the chair, his hold on her shoulders just firm enough to force her down into it.

She could cheerfully have killed him. “I want to leave,” she announced crisply.

“When you’re in shape to drive,” he replied. “At the moment, you’re in a mood to take on pedestrians at a thousand miles an hour. I think not, Misha.”

He walked behind her, and her fingers pressed so hard into her temples that they left dents. Behind her, she heard the chink of ice against glass. He held a drink in front of her. “No, thank you.” He nudged her fingers firmly around the drink. “Matthew,” she said irritably, “for openers, drinking and driving don’t mix.”

“Speaking as a driver, Misha, I’d take an inch of liquor in that stomach of yours over a mile of temper.” He leaned back against his desk, dangling one leg over one edge. For an instant, his dark eyes glinted with amusement, and then didn’t. “I never meant to upset you,” he said quietly.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Matthew was staring at her; finally she managed to look away, her pulse beating erratically. He was not her brother-in-law now; she could not seem to remember exactly what it felt like to relate to him as a brother. “I shouldn’t have come here,” she said distractedly. “I never really expected you to say yes. I convinced myself that you would, because I knew you would honor your brother’s debts, but it wasn’t exactly a debt. Even then. Richard regarded the ten thousand dollars as payoff money-”

“I’ll give you the money, Misha.”

“But you never had anything to do with it. It’s just…my father’s dead…I have no one else to go to, and I told myself I didn’t care if I looked like a fool. That I could at least try, and then if you said no, I could walk right back out again…” She stared at him as he lifted the glass of amber liquid to his lips. For the first time, she noticed how tired he looked. There were lines of strain around his eyes, one long streak of silver in his hair that hadn’t been there years ago. She glanced again at the silver sideburns. They added a distinguished air to his virile good looks, yet she felt a curious pang that he actually looked his thirty-eight years. “I could have sworn you just said you were going to give me the money,” she said absently.

“I did. I knew the moment I walked in and saw you here that whatever gave you the courage to come here had to be really important to you. Do you want to tell me over dinner, Misha?”

“I…” Her head whirled. “No, I can’t, Matthew. Johnny’s waiting. There’s someone taking care of him, but I have to get back.”

His jaw tightened at the mention of Johnny’s name. All the more reason why his request startled her. “So? You were going home to eat anyway, and I haven’t eaten either. If you don’t have enough food, I could stop and pick up something…”

He waited. She hadn’t the slightest idea what to say. In the deepest part of her soul, she knew that was exactly why she’d come, not so much for the money as to talk about Johnny with Matthew. Because he was a Whitaker, because he was…Matthew. Yet she’d never really expected him to give her that option, feeling as he did about her, about his brother. And Johnny was a reminder of that awful time…

“You’re right, Misha,” he said suddenly, as if he could read her mind. He sighed, standing up and looking at her with weary, brooding eyes. “I have no desire to see the boy,” he admitted bluntly. “I don’t even know what prompted me to ask you to dinner, but seeing you again and…” He hesitated, and his voice suddenly went low and gentle. “I haven’t forgotten my brother. But that’s not to say I ever thought he was blameless. I can imagine what the past nine years must have been like for you, raising a child alone, losing your father. I read about his death in the paper, Misha, and I’m sorry. More than once I worried about what had happened to you.”

“I’ve wondered about you, too,” she said quietly. She hesitated, slinging the purse over her shoulder again. “But I never really expected you to forget what happened between Richard and me.” Her voice was careful, the question in it almost unconscious.

“No.”

“Of course not,” she said swiftly, and stared at the door. “Well…”

“To forget something of that magnitude isn’t possible, but then, to say I haven’t changed in nine years would be just as foolish.” He shrugged, just a little, a boyish gesture that made Lorna want to smile. “We used to enjoy quite a few dinners together, Misha. To make peace in the Middle East, reorganize the banking system and straighten out your misguided politics.”

“My misguided-”

His teasing chuckle was tentative. “I was just kidding,” he said gently. “There’s no reason why it should be difficult for us to sit down to dinner together. I said you could have the money, Misha, and you can-no strings attached. But if you want to talk to someone about it-”

“I do. For one thing, I don’t want you to think I want the money for some whim…”

Brilliant, aren’t you? Lorna scolded herself as she pulled the Camaro onto the highway. Matthew’s low-slung Morgan was directly behind her. Thanks to her big mouth.

A real friend would have committed her. Where were her real friends when she needed them? Now she remembered that Johnny was capable of taking an instant dislike to any man who walked in the door, that meat loaf was not exactly a gourmet dish fit for a Whitaker, that she had no tactful way to explain Matthew’s last name to her son, and that the only thing she wanted to talk to Matthew about-Johnny-was the only subject that was clearly forbidden.

And Matthew… What he’d been thinking of, she just didn’t know. She’d never really understood him. So often after she and Richard were first married, he would pop over for dinner, even though he knew what a terrible cook she was. Occasionally, he would appear for an evening the same way, unconsciously smoothing troubled waters between herself and Richard when he couldn’t possibly know there were troubled waters; seemingly, he had come for a cup of coffee and conversation. Lorna had always thought he should have been spending his free evenings with an attractive blonde on his arm. Or brunette. Whatever his choice. All right, for some strange reason she and Matthew had always had a certain rapport, but that was before…

Before Richard had found her in a compromising position with another man. And it couldn’t have been much more compromising, she reminded herself wearily as she set the cruise control and tried to relax for the trip home.

Eight and a half months after that episode, one blond baby had been born to two brunette parents. She had never cheated on Richard, but her word was not fact, and the Whitakers were sticklers for facts. Perhaps she could have fought the divorce, but the only fact she could have presented to any of them was a picture of herself as a child. A towhead, like Johnny, and like her mother and grandfather, all of whom had turned into brunettes as teenagers. So she could have produced a photograph, and she could even have subjected her baby to a paternity test, but Johnny’s paternity was really only a moot point by then. She knew Richard had been looking for an excuse to divorce her. Faith, love, trust had all gone by the wayside; there was no marriage left to fight for by the time the child was born.

Richard was overly possessive and fiercely jealous-qualities that seemed to come with the male Whitaker genes. Richard, Sr., had at first treated her like a daughter…and later had treated her like scum. It was like turning over a record and finding on the flip side the ugly qualities in the men whom she had once cared for so much, whom she had trusted, who had trusted her…

She hadn’t given Matthew the chance to hurt her as Richard and his father had. Matthew had tried to get her to talk; in retrospect, she could see that for a long time he had tried to help her through the turbulent marriage. Always kind, often there, perceptive and calming… Richard had found it amusing that his formidable older brother had taken a little sister under his wing. But when push came to shove, Lorna had shut Matthew out. She was angry and frightened and young. Mr. Whitaker’s contempt had hurt her to the core; contempt from Richard… Well, the end of the marriage had changed her whole life. To risk contempt from Matthew…it was too frightening, in some subtle way she never defined; she simply refused to lay herself open to it. It was easier just not to speak to him. Perhaps she knew unconsciously that there was some point at which she might completely break apart, splinter into a thousand little pieces…

And you wanted to get involved with him again?

Yes, she finally admitted wearily to herself. Yes. The marriage had scarred her, and badly. For many years, she hadn’t had the energy or the desire to pursue a relationship with another man. Then, about two years ago, she had become aware not only that her son needed a father, but also that she had strong sexual and emotional needs that couldn’t forever be sublimated in work and daydreams.

Fine. She’d discovered very quickly that most men really weren’t all that eager to take on a woman and a half-grown son. Yet there were some. Enough so that at twenty-nine she was not particularly pleased to find herself turning into a tease. When a man came on too strong, all she could think of was that he might judge her easy, as Richard had judged her; that she was again putting herself into a position where she could be condemned without a trial, that she would be left vulnerable, without defenses…

She was not guilty. She was tired of feeling guilty. For Johnny’s sake, and for her own, she wanted the truth spoken out loud, t’s crossed and i’s dotted.

So simple. So painfully simple. Yet Lorna’s plans had gone haywire the moment Matthew had walked into his office. Matthew was not her brother-in-law anymore. He wasn’t acting like a brother; she couldn’t seem to feel that he was a brother…Leave it, she told herself. Serve him dinner and just try…

She pulled into the driveway of her apartment building, snatched up her purse and opened the car door just as Matthew pulled up behind her. The biting wind whipped her coat open around her legs. “Turn up the thermostat out here, will you?” she shouted back to Matthew.

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Misha. You should be glad there are no mosquitoes.” He pushed up the collar of his coat and dug his hands in his pockets as he followed her to the front door.

Why was she shivering now that they were inside? The tiny vestibule seemed crowded with the two of them hanging up their coats. Matthew’s arm brushed hers, and she felt surrounded suddenly, by his arms that seemed to be everywhere, by the almost-familiar scent of his aftershave, by the physical power that seemed to vibrate around him. Snow still glistened in his hair, and when she turned from the closet she had a sense of déjà vu as if she had once raked her fingers through his damp hair, though of course she hadn’t. Their eyes met, but only for an instant.

When he looked away, Lorna wondered vaguely if she was coming down with the flu. Something was definitely wrong with her. Her pulse was beating out of control, and Matthew had the oddest look in his eyes… She stepped into the living room ahead of him. “Feel free to look around,” she suggested lightly. “I just need a minute to brush my hair, then I’ll get us both a drink.”

He wasn’t in the kitchen when she came out of the bathroom, for which she was grateful. Except for some wine and a little brandy, she didn’t stock much liquor in the house, and had no desire to be caught standing on a chair fetching the wineglasses. She was just putting the chair back in place when he showed up in the doorway. “The place looks like you, Misha,” he commented lazily. “Ten thousand plants and a dozen half-read books and all soft colors-”

“I don’t understand it,” Lorna admitted wryly. “When I look at a decorating magazine, I always love the spacious, serene stuff, yet my own house ends up thoroughly cluttered.” She tried to twist the corkscrew into the dusty bottle she’d found in the bottom cupboard.

“I’ll do that.” His hands closed on her hips, and he shifted her so he could work at the counter; she stared at him, startled at the slight intimacy. He glanced at her with just the faintest hint of a smile. “You haven’t gained any weight.”

“A few pounds.”

“Upstairs, then. There’s nothing extra downstairs.” He turned his attention to the wine bottle as she determinedly made a big business out of getting dinner ready, totally flustered by the comment. After Johnny was born, she had…developed. But Matthew had always been extremely proper in anything he’d ever said to her. She was surprised that he’d even noticed…

“You’re even more beautiful than I remembered, Misha. And I find that hard to believe.” He turned to offer her a glass of wine, his dark eyes expressive, yet unfathomable. “You were totally oblivious to it back then,” he said quietly. “You didn’t seem to know how beautiful you were. How special.”

She took the glass and gulped down half of the wine. So much for composure and poise, she thought idly, and refused to look at him. Stop feeling unhinged, she told herself. “You’ve done well for yourself, Matthew. I kept expecting to read in the papers that you’d married.” That sounded…wonderful. She gave herself a mental pat on the back. Cool, polite, proper conversation… She finished the wine, set the glass on the counter and put the meat loaf back in the refrigerator.

“Wasn’t that for dinner?”

“The refrigerator heats up faster than the oven,” she said blandly.

“I see.”

She regarded him with a brilliantly cheerful smile, daring him to make a single remark. But there was nothing. Just a wicked pair of dark eyes and another slash of a smile. She took the meat loaf out again and put it in the oven, tried to dredge up some pride for remembering to turn the dial on, and turned her attention to the potatoes. “We’ll have to eat in here,” she informed him. “I’m afraid the dining room’s been converted to an office for me. With only two bedrooms, I had to have a place to work.”

“I saw the foreign dictionaries.”

It took her a moment to figure out why he was rummaging in her refrigerator, until he removed fresh vegetables and lined them up on the counter. Ah, yes, salad. “Matthew, you don’t have to do that-”

He paid no attention. “So you’re working as a translator?”

She nodded, trying not to smile. He had bent down in front of a cupboard and was reaching across the peanut butter to get to the bowls, almost tipping over the flour on the way.

“I had only one skill to sell in the job market when Johnny was a baby,” she explained. “I was fluent in French and Russian because my parents spoke those languages. And I had studied German in school… Well, you know that, Matthew, but I still didn’t have a degree. I started tutoring, and then an electronics firm in Detroit decided to try reaching the European market and I translated some brochures for them. My clientele built up, slowly but surely. Dad helped for a long time. I do a good deal of work for four travel companies, but computer manufacturers are really becoming my bread and butter-there seems to be no end to the software that’s being peddled overseas…”

Why are you chattering on? she thought. He doesn’t want to hear all that. She fell silent, first putting the potatoes in the oven and then rapidly cleaning the counter before setting the table. Matthew was busy shredding lettuce, the sleeves of his starched white shirt now rolled up. “Didn’t your father have life insurance, Misha?”

She nodded. “But I used it to pay his medical bills. I’ve managed,” she said, with a small trace of defiance. “I’ve done fine, Matthew. I make a decent living, and the work allows me to be home with Johnny. It’s just…it simply hasn’t been possible for me to save a great deal of money, and the tuition for this special school for Johnny-”

“I already said you could have the money, Misha. You don’t need to justify its use to me.” His voice was quiet but held a trace of steel in it. He didn’t want to hear or talk about Johnny. He leaned back against the counter, drinking his wine while Lorna finished setting the table. “Between caring for your father and a small child and working, you couldn’t have had much time for a social life.”

She felt a prickle at the back of her neck and glanced up. He was staring at her with brooding dark eyes, his look so possessive that it took her aback. “I can guarantee you’ve had a more active social life than I have over the years,” Lorna said lightly, but there was steel in her voice, too. If he was trying to imply that she had little chance to be promiscuous…

“No, Misha…”

Gently, his palm brushed her cheek, but whatever he had been about to say was interrupted by four feet two inches of energetic towhead slamming through the back door. “Hi, Mom!” Johnny offered her a token peck on the cheek, in between kicking off his boots, chewing on a thumbnail, hanging his coat on a hook and never taking his eyes off the stranger for a second. “What’s for dinner?”

“Meat loaf, sweets. Were you good for Freda?”

Johnny made a face. “A perfect angel. Par for the course.”

Lorna smiled, but all she could think was: Be an angel, Johnny. Just this once. She turned to Matthew to make the introductions.

He was finishing the last of his wine in one long gulp, and when he set down his glass his dark gaze captured hers. His shoulders were stiff and his jaw firm. And his eyes were like black ice, their depths unfathomable but the chill unmistakable. Until that moment, Lorna had almost-foolishly, she rebuked herself-managed to believe that Matthew had put the past behind them.

She turned back to Johnny. Her son, unfortunately, didn’t miss a trick. He stepped forward as he had been taught, offering a distinctly grubby hand as he knew he was required to do, but his normally soft gray eyes were wary, his shoulders stiff, and his little jaw as firm as Matthew’s. Whitaker to the core, Lorna thought despairingly.

It was going to be one hell of a dinner.