Afterlife

Chapter Ten

AFTER THAT NIGHT IN RIVERTON, LUCAS BECAME quieter. Harder. Although he continued to reach out to me, and to try to find fun stuff for us to do, it was increasingly obvious to me — and, no doubt, to him — that he was in a desperate struggle for his own sanity, and I could only help him so much.

And every time he would build himself up, get to where he might have a good day or two in a row, something else would happen to tear him down.

A couple of days later, I sneaked into his calculus class, one I generally avoided, because I’d taken that the year before and once was definitely enough. As usual, Lucas sat near the back of the room, but this time, ther — e was no invisible barrier around him. A couple of guys — vampire guys, lean and pale — were on either side of him, and they were paying more attention to Lucas than to the equation on the board.

As I dipped down closer, I heard Lucas mutter, “Shut it, okay, Samuel?”

The skinnier of the vampires, a new student apparently called Samuel, answered, “Can’t shut it out. You know it as well as I do. You smell it, too.”

The other vampire, silently giggling in an incredibly creepy way, pointed with his middle finger toward a girl sitting two rows ahead of them, one with blond hair in a pixie cut.

“Breathe that in,” Samuel whispered. “Nothing better than a girl on the rag.”

I’d never realized full vampires could smell when girls had their periods. Retroactive mortification from every month of my two years at Evernight hit me at once, and if I’d had a body, I would have blushed hot pink.

Lucas looked mortified, too, but that was clearly not the main problem. Samuel and his loathsome friend weren’t trying to embarrass him; they were trying to make him hungry.

Samuel leaned farther out in the aisle, his desk at the point of tipping over, his mouth right next to Lucas’s ear. “You just got turned this summer, huh, hunter? Bet you’ve never even had a kill. Never had fresh human blood. But you want it, don’t you?”

Lucas’s hands gripped the edge of his desk. His still — scarred knuckles were white. He kept staring down at the notes he’d made, but it was obvious he wasn’t seeing any of it.

“This place is like a freakin’ all — you — can — eat buffet these days,” Samuel said. “So many humans. So many girls. Don’t you want a drink, Lucas? Or did Black Cross make you too self — righteous to feed yourself?” He spat out the words Black Cross like they tasted bad in his mouth.

“Shut the hell up.”

Samuel’s voice lowered further, but he kept talking. “You’re gonna starve. You’re just gonna get hungrier and hungrier until it claws out the center of you. A pretty girl like that, maybe — she’ll send you right over the edge. Someday you’ll snap, hunter. Someday you’ll kill.” Lucas shut his eyes tightly.

Enough, I decided. I flattened myself at the floor, cold and strong, and swept beneath Samuel’s desk — toppling it, and him, over.

He crashed down, books and paper going everywhere, and everybody started laughing. Professor Raju crossed her arms. “Mr. Younger, you’ll never learn to balance equations if you can’t balance yourself.” Lame teacher humor, but people snickered anyway; Samuel looked furious but sullenly righted himself. I knew he Wouldn’t make fun of anybody else for at least a day or two.

Lucas didn’t join in the laughter. The hunger had taken him over, and I realized it was taking every bit of his focus and will to keep from attacking the girl two rows ahead.

When class was dismissed, Lucas got up so quickly that his desk scraped across the floor. Samuel and his creepy friend laughed, and Samuel said, “What’s the big hurry, Lucas? Cotta change a Tampax?”

A couple other vampires laughed, but Skye, who had been in the front row, whirled around. “Don’t you guys ever leave him alone?”

“What do you care if we don’t like this jerk?”

“I’m looking at the biggest jerk in the room, and it’s not Lucas.”

While Samuel and Skye had it out, Lucas grabbed his stuff and rushed out of the room. I followed him, and only my ability to travel above the crowds of students allowed me to keep up. Lucas shoved and pushed, going faster and faster, ignoring every annoyed look he received. He was focused on only one thing: getting out.

Lucas flung the great hall’s huge wooden doors open with both hands. Gold and tan leaves on the lawn crunched beneath his feet, and I could tell he was preparing to run. He’d vanish into the woods again, kill as many creatures as he could, beat himself into a pulp. Not again, I thought in despair. Please, not again!

At that moment, Balthazar appeared, like he’d materialized in front of Lucas. He must have called on his vampire speed to reach him. “Bad day?” he said.

“Get out of my way,” Lucas growled.

“No.” Balthazar grabbed Lucas’s arm and towed him back into the building. “You’re coming with me.”

“What are you doing?” I whispered furiously into Balthazar’s ear.

“Stopping him from tearing himself up.”

Which was what I’d wanted, too, but this would only make a bad situation worse. “He needs out of there. Away from the humans. Can’t you see that?”

Balthazar smiled grimly as we went through the hallways. It looked weird — him basically dragging Lucas along like that, Lucas almost out of it — but Balthazar didn’t seem to mind making it worse by talking to me out loud. “I know you don’t trust me anymore, but You’re just going to have to deal.”

Their destination turned out to be the fencing room. No lessons at this hour: It was deserted, the gear neatly stowed away. A few mats remained on the floor, but otherwise everything looked bare. “Okay,” I said after the door shut behind us, as I allowed myself to take visible form. “We’re out of the crowd. Is that enough?”

“It’s enough,” Lucas said. He looked like he wanted to double over. “Just leave me alone, okay? I can — just leave me alone.”

“No can do,” Balthazar said, right before he punched Lucas in the face.

I gasped. Lucas staggered back a step, one hand to his jaw. His eyes darkened, and I could see his self — control straining, stretching, right at the point of failure.

“You need to get it out.” Balthazar said. He pulled off his sweater so that he stood there in aT — shirt. “So let’s get it out.”

“I’m not fighting.” Lucas’s voice shook.

Balthazar grinned. “Then I guess I’II just have to beat the crap out of you.”

He swung at Lucas again, but Lucas’s fighting instincts took over. He blocked the blow and shoved Balthazar halfway across the room. In an instant, Balthazar returned, smashing his fist into Lucas’s gut. Lucas hit him back harder, snapping Balthazar’s head back.

“Guys, stop this!” I shouted, but Balthazar didn’t listen, and Lucas couldn’t hear. They were two vampires — two monsters — struggling for dominance, and nothing else in the world mattered.

Fists. Blood. Sweat. They tore at each other like animals. Freaked out, I tried to think of how best to stop this and decided, Right, time to ice the room. But even as I began, I realized what was happening.

The crazed look had left Lucas’s eyes. Instead, his gaze was sharp, directed, like he was on a Black Cross mission again. Every punch was focused; every move was tactical. Fighting like this, against an opponent just as strong as he was, had given him an outlet for the desperate energy building inside him.

What BaHhazar was getting out of this, I had no idea, but even when Lucas kicked him in the jaw, sending him sprawling across the floor, he had a lunatic grin on his face.

Balthazar laughed from his place on the ground, holding two fingers to his mouth and pulling them back to see the blood. “Only some Black Cross redneck would stoop to kicking a guy in the mouth.”

“Only some half — rotten corpse would let me.” Lucas sort of blinked, hke he couldn’t believe he’d make a joke. Like that, apparently, the fight was over.

Everything was quiet for a few seconds, until!said, Lucas, are you all right now?”

“Yeah.” He thought that over, his attention drifting from me to Balthazar. “Yeah. Thanks, man.”

Balthazar said, “If you get wound up like that again, and you need an outlet, just find me. We can spar. Fence. Whatever it takes to get it out. It helps; You’ll see.”

Lucas didn’t look like he entirely believed that, but he nodded. He held out a hand to help Balthazar from the floor. When Balthazar’s eyes met mine, he smiled, maddeningly smug. “What, you’re not going to thank me, too? Or would that mean admitting I was right about something?”

“You enjoyed it,” I retorted.

Balthazar shrugged, unable to deny it. He grabbed his sweater from the floor. “I’m going to shower before class. See you guys later.” Once we were alone, Lucas said, “Bianca, I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Breaking down like that, in front of you.”

“You didn’tbreak down.” I insisted. “You were able to control it.”

“Balthazar was able to control it,” Lucas corrected me.

He had a point. but I knew we needed to focus on the positive. “You’re feeling better now. I can tell.” He looked better: in fact. with sweat glistening on his skin, his hair mussed and his uniform askew, he looked pretty amazingly hot.

If only we could touch each other without him feeling the urge to bite, I thought longingly. I know better ways for him to burn off that energy.

“I feel. . good.” Lucas stood a little straighter. “Calmer than I have in a long time. It’s like all this white noise in my head finally went quiet and I can actually think.”

I joked, “Maybe this would be a good time for you to work on your psych paper.”

“Actually, you know what?” Lucas stepped back and straightened his sweater. “This is as good a time as any to break into Mrs. Bethany’s carriage house.”

“Wait. What?”

“Mrs. Bethany’s hiding traps for wraiths around the school, right? We can’t protect you until we know more about where she’s putting them, and why.· He grinned, and for a moment he looked like his old self, when we first met — handsome, aggressive, and quite possibly up to no good. “Feel like a little breaking and entering?”

“We should wait until she’s off the school grounds sometime. Or at least in class. I don’t think she’s teaching this period. It’s dangerous,” I said, as Lucas kept going down the stairs.

“It’s always going to be dangerous. At least right now, I can focus on what I’m doing. That’s got to help our chances.”

I wasn’t wholly convinced, but Lucas did have a point — and besides, he seemed dead set on doing it now. ‘Til be your lookout. If she comes out there, I’ll throw pebbles against the window, something like that.”

“Sounds good.” Lucas grinned, and in that moment, it felt like we were on some great adventure together, like it had been back when we first 10o sneaked around to see each other. Apparently burglary could be very romantic under the right circumstances.

Nobody else seemed to be around on the school grounds; Lucas was currently cutting class. (Plenty of the vampire students did this — they were here less to learn the subjects than to learn how to fit in, which the teachers tacitly recognized — but when they skipped class. they usually did it for something more fun than lounging around outside.) At his nod, I darted forward to circle Mrs. Bethany’s carriage house. I peered through each window, slightly frosting a couple of the panes. She wasn’t inside. “The coast is clear.”

“Okay. Keep an eye out.”

Lucas went to one of the side windows. I watched as he worked at one of the small metal frames around a pane, wiggling it back and forth until the top strip slid free into his hand. The other three strips of metal around the windowpane came out easily then, as did the rectangle of glass. Apparently Mrs. Bethany hadn’t replaced the windows recently. Lucas put everything out of the way, then reached through the open pane to turn the lock, quickly setting aside the small row of potted African violets kept there. Then he put his hands on the sill and neatly flipped over and through, into Mrs. Bethany’s house.

That was a lot faster and neater than I’d been able to do it. I consoled myself a little by thinking that he had his full vampire powers to work with. Maybe I’d tease him later about having more natural criminal instincts.

Through the window, I could see Lucas walking through the house toward her desk, where any materials about her hunt for the wraiths would most likely be kept. I shifted around the edges of the walls. eager to keep an eye on him, as well as a lookout for Mrs. Bethany. But as I did so, I felt it again. The pull.

A trap! Before I could panic, I realized that it wasn’t the same as in the library — or, while it was the same kind of trap. there was a barrier bet\veen us that could keep me from falling in — the wraithproof roof or walls, perhaps. Apparently she put the traps together in her home before 101 installing them within Evernight Academy.

Though it didn’t capture me, the trap’s power was overwhelming. I could feel that strange pull all through me, and I was suddenly slow, sluggish, and inattentive. It was like running a high fever, when nothing quite made sense, and movement was possible but seemed to take too much effort.

As I came close to losing the ability to focus, I saw Lucas brush his hand against something sitting on her desk — another seashell — shaped box, just like the one he’d found in the library. Maybe it was the same one; he’d reported that the library wall had been immediately fixed, no questions asked. Quickly he shut the box, and the dizzying pull of the trap vanished. However, I still felt terrible; just being near an active trap was enough to seriously drain me.

For a moment, I was tempted to fade out — to rest, just for a little while — but I realized it might be a long time before I woke again. I gathered together my will and tugged myself free of it, returning to the here and now of Lucas’s search — just in time to see Mrs. Bethany walking to the door of the carriage house.

I threw myself against Mrs. Bethany’s window so hard it rattled. Lucas looked up from her desk, instantly alert, but too late. Mrs. Bethany walked into the carriage house and entered her study before Lucas could do more than stand.

She paused in the doorway. For a moment, they simply stared at each other across the room. Horror chilled me so deeply that it was like I’d become pure frost. Lucas looked seasick.

She’s going to attack him, or at feast throw him out of Evernight Academy. I shoufdn’t have asked him to do this. I shoufdn ‘t have let him do this.

I was just about to fly to the school in an attempt to get help when Mrs. Bethany said, evenly, “Mr. Ross, it would be more efficient if you simply asked me whatever it is you need to know.”

He didn’t relax, didn’t move. His eyes remained locked on hers, ready to defend or to attack. “Doubt you’d tell me.”

“Doubt.” Mrs. Bethany laid aside her things and sat in one of the wooden chairs on the far side of the wall. Another, empty chair sat next to her, a wordless invitation to Lucas. “Black Cross teaches its hunters to doubt everything new to them, and to believe only their own decrees about duty. 102 Or sacrifice. Or who is and is not a monster.”

Lucas’s jaw tightened, and I knew he was remembering Kate’s attack.

“They asked so much of you, and what do you have in return? Nothing except a few bad habits, such as your penchant for breaking and entering.”

Quietly Lucas said, “Don’t make me leave school.” The words seemed to choke him. He hated to beg.

“The sanctuary of Evernight protects you,” Mrs. Bethany said. Her voice sounded so weird; I couldn’t place the difference at first, until I realized that she actually sounded — warm. “I don’t intend to punish you for behaving in the only way you’ve ever known. Black Cross has encouraged you to be underhanded. There is a better way to conduct matters. Here, I hope, you can learn it.”

Yeah, Evernight Academy was the home of honesty, what with lying to the human students about most of their new friends being vampires. As I scoffed, though, I could see Lucas’s expression changing, becoming less wary. Mrs. Bethany was saying exactly what he wanted to hear.

More unbelievably, I thought she actually meant it. “Now,” she said. “Tell me what you were looking for.”

“More information about the wraiths.”

Lucas, don’t! I couldn’t believe he was going to spill our secrets to her that easily.

Instead he said, “I heard they were after Bianca last year. I don’t understand why she died. If they had something to do with it, I want to know. And I want revenge.”

Mrs. Bethany straightened, obviously pleased to have found a kindred spirit. Lucas had convinced her that he wanted the same thing she wanted: to hunt the wraiths. That was probably the single best way to get her to open up. I should’ve had more faith in him.

She gestured lu the chair uexl lu her, aud Lucas luuk a seal. “Tu the i.J.esl uf my lutuwledge, the wraiths I.Jdieved themselves lu have sume kiud of claim over Miss Olivier, “Mrs. Bethany said. “Are you aware of the circumstances surrounding Bianca’s birth?”

“You mean, the part where t\vo vampires can’t make little baby vampires without some wraith assistance? Yeah, she told me.”

“Rather like a fairy tale,” Mrs. Bethany said. Lucas shot her a puzzled look. “I suppose your warrior mother didn’t spend much time telling you stories out of Grimm. Suffice it to say that the magical godmother at the christening usually hides a curse among her gifts. And so it was with the wraiths. They drank of Celia’s blood, and gave Celia and Adrian a chance to create life, for a little while.”

Lucas considered that. His dark green eyes focused upon the window; although I knew he couldn’t actually see me, he knew exactly where I was. “So her mom and dad always knew this was going to happen.”

“To be precise, her parents thought that she would fulfill her dominant vampire heritage by taking a life and completing the transformation. They knew the only other alternative was for her to die.”

“Beingjust a regular girl — ”

“Was always impossible,” Mrs. Bethany said coolly. “Bianca was given life, but only so much.”

I sank down to the ground, mist taking form into a shadow of my body. Had anybody walked by at that moment, they probably could have seen me, but I didn’t care. I needed to feel something solid to rest on. It Wasn’t that what Mrs. Bethany had said hurt; to the contrary, it felt weirdly and yet undeniably right. My astonishment at my own reaction seemed to knock something out of me.

Mrs. Bethany’s voice gentled. “It’s hard for you to hear, isn’t it? But in time, I think, knowing this will lessen your pain. You could not have saved her, Mr. Ross. You endangered her no more than her parents did — though they will never accept that.”

“I don’t think I can either.”

“You still see death as the worst thing that can possibly happen. It isn ‘t..”

“I know there’s something worse than being dead,” Lucas said, each word grinding out. “Because we’re there.”

“You miss being alive.” I expected her to say that he was foolish to do so; nobody seemed to get more pleasure out of being a vampire than she did. But Mrs. Bethany added, very quietly, “So do I.”

Lucas said, “Never gets any better, huh?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Astonishment overcame my melancholy. I became transparent again so that I could peek once more through her window; Mrs. Bethany sat with 104 her hand on Lucas’s shoulder, her thick, grooved nails dark crimson against his black sweater. He didn’t shy away from the touch.

Is she.. hitting on him? I rejected the idea instantly; it Wasn’t that kind of gesture. There was no denying that a bond had been formed, however — and that in some ways, right now, Mrs. Bethany could understand what was going on with Lucas better than I could.

Wordlessly, she patted his shoulder. Lucas obeyed the unspoken suggestion by rising to his feet. Mrs. Bethany walked him out of the carriage house — completely unconcerned about his having broken into it — and the entire way back to Evernight itself. They didn’t part until they were both inside the great hall; a few people studying during their free period glanced at the scene, registering to their surprise that Lucas had apparently gotten teacher’s pet status. I wondered if that would make the other vampires back off, or target him even more.

“English class calls,” she said. “Dare I hope that you’ve done the reading?”

Lucas said, “I read Catcher in the Rye on my own a couple years ago, actually.”

“Of course. You would be primarily self — taught. What did you think?”

“That Holden Caulfield is a self — pitying loser who needs more to do wirth his time.”

Mrs. Bethany smiled slightly. “Although I would phrase things more delicately, our analyses are similar in substance. Which means I will call on you. Be ready.” She checked the old — fashioned gold wristwatch she wore. “You have several minutes yet if you wished to shower,” she said, in a tone of voice indicating that he should definitely consider it.

She went on her way, and Lucas immediately started jogging upstairs to do what she’d said. He was smiling — really smiling, like it came from his heart. I felt almost jealous, more like a tagalong than his constant companion, until he whispered, “Can you believe that?”

“You did get kind of sweaty sparring with Balthazar.”

“No, I mean, can you believe she let me off?”

“Nope. Then again, you are pretty charming.”

“Charm’s not my strong suit.”

“I disagree.” Carefully, I said, “You know not to trust her, right?”

Lucas remained silent as he walked out onto the floor of the guys’ dorm where he lived. Finally, when we reached his room, he said, “She cut me slack, and she didn’t have to.”

“She hates Black Cross a lot, and I get that she feels sorry for you because of what happened with them, but … the traps, Lucas. She’s out to get ghosts like me. One of those traps nearly killed me.”

“Maybe she’s just scared of what she doesn ‘ t understand,” he protested as he stripped off his sweater and shirt, dumping them on the floor atop the wet towels no doubt left over from Balthazar’s shower. Guys never seemed to realize that doing laundry was an option. “Bianca, You’re still frightened of the wraiths, and you are one. So it’s not an unreasonable reaction.”

I had trouble imagining Mrs. Bethany being scared of much of anything. But Lucas Wasn’t totally wrong about her either; she’d come through for him when none of his friends could, not even me. just the same, I couldn’t have any real faith in her. Not yet. “You won’t tell her about me, will you? That I’ve become a wraith, and that I’m here with you?”

Lucas got a weird look on his face. “Are you kidding? Of course not.” Relief washed through me. “So you don’t trust her.”

“I don’t know ifl tntst her or not. But when it comes to you, I’m not taking any more risks than we have to. Your secrets are my secrets, Bianca. Never doubt that.”

I brushed against his cheek, a soft breeze, and he closed his eyes and smiled.

He was so strong right now. So happy. I suggested, “You know, I realize we can’t actually … be together…” Lucas opened his eyes, his smile dimming.

Before he could apologize. I said, “But I could watch you shower.”

He laughed out loud.

The next ten minutes were awesome, in terms of the view. However, the whole time, I couldn’t totally concentrate — not even with gorgeous, wet, naked Lucas to focus on. One thought had lodged itself in my mind, and I couldn’t shake it.

I kept thinking, It’s like eve1yone else in the world can help him a little bit — but not me. Never me.