An Oath to Mida

4 A struggle for motion—and a destination is reached

The new fey was well begun before I became aware of it. Again were Lialt’s furs untenanted, and again was the conveyance about me in creaking motion. Having first seen to the matter of turning to my back—an exertion becoming increasingly less difficult—I then spent considerable thought upon that which I had been told. Much of it held little or no meaning for still did I lack knowledge of that which Lialt had termed, “Snows,” yet it seemed that Ceralt, who stood high among his people, had been sent from them by cause of duty. I knew not what such duty entailed, nor did I know what manner of journey both he and Lialt saw for me, yet had I the thought that again I was of value to Ceralt as an item of trade. That he had said I would not undertake the journey spoken of save that I had regained my strength meant naught, for often did it appear that my value to Ceralt was a many-sided thing, one side to be weighed against another, that side of most value ever prevailing. The light of the fey came weakly through the opening in the cloth of the conveyance, bright yet much thinned from that which I knew in the lands of the Midanna. Soon indeed would I grow strong once more and then would I leave the lands of males who ever sought for value, never again to return, never again to ride from that place where Mida smiled upon her warriors. Would that I could have left upon the moment.

That fey and four others were spent upon the trail, yet was I unable to put further questions to Lialt. Much of the first fey I spent in sleep, yet when I had finished the broth brought by Lialt at darkness, again he instructed me to attempt sleep. Much annoyed, I refused to do so, wishing instead to put my queries, yet the male refused as well, saying that he wished sleep and would have it though I remained awake the entire darkness. No further words would he address to me, merely removing his leathers silently and with purpose, yet it seemed that much of his amusement at my appreciation of the male sight of him had gone. In annoyance did he look upon my appraisal, and then he frowned.

“Have you never been taught the impertinence of such inspection?” he demanded, wide fists upon slim hips. “At first I had thought you looked upon me in curiosity, never having seen a man naked before you, yet do I now perceive a difference. Much does it seem as though you stare with practiced eye, though that would not be likely. In future, you will turn your head when I disrobe, as a proper wench should.”

Quite disturbed did Lialt seem, and quickly did he place himself within the pelts, yet I felt considerable confusion.

“For what reason must I turn my head?” I asked, moving to my left side to see him more easily. “Lialt does not possess a body of ugliness, therefore it is unclear to me why I may not look upon it.”

Such a strange expression grew upon the face of Lialt that surely did I feel concern for his health. Full flushed his face became to underscore the unnamable expression, and wide-eyed did he stare upon me.

“In the name of the Serene Oneness, am I fated to ever have the wench put such questions to me?” he demanded of the air about us. “Perhaps it would be best to put the matter thusly,” said he to me in a manner most precise, his light eyes seriously upon me. “Would it please you to stand bare before me when I have not so much as smiled upon you, not to speak of drawn you from the circle?”

Again was my confusion increased, yet had I learned time and again that confusion was ever the preferred circumstance of males, and a warrior did well overlooking strange utterances. Therefore I sought not to give meaning to the meaningless, but gave answer to what I might.

“It is the purpose of a male to be pleasing in the eyes of a warrior,” I explained as precisely as had he, moving some small bit in the furs to ease the wounds. “Should a male please a warrior, for what reason would she object to his also finding pleasure in the sight of her? It is only when the male is displeasing that she might object. Do you feel yourself displeasing to me, Lialt?”

Naught save a deep groan greeted my words, for Lialt had put his head down upon his furs, his arms afold upon his face, his body unmoving. Then came mumbling sounds, as though Lialt spoke to the arms upon his face, yet naught intelligible came to me. Abruptly, then, he removed arms from face and turned to reach for the flame within the metal. Again a single breath pitched us to full darkness, and only then did Lialt speak so that I might hear him.

“Wench, I shall say no more than one further thing upon the matter,” came his angered voice, “and then there shall be silence! It is the place of the female to be pleasing to the male, not the other way about! You shall obey my wishes as I put them to you, and I shall have no further questions of the sort you have already attempted! In time shall you learn all which was never taught you earlier, and now we will sleep!”

There came the soft sound of Lialt’s movement within his furs, but no further words. In annoyance, I moved within my own furs, for Lialt’s words did not sit well with me. No call had there been for him to speak so, yet what reasons do males require for what they do? All warriors know well the lack of reason behind the actions of males, and as Lialt wished no further questions, so would he also receive no further explanations. Upon such a decision did I seek my own sleep within the darkness, and despite all, had little difficulty in finding it.

Upon the following day, with the light at its highest, the conveyance halted a short time, and then Lialt brought to me a bit of nilno, cut small and awash in broth. Both did I feed upon with great pleasure, and no notice did Lialt take to the fact that I spoke no word to him. When I had finished with the nilno, the journey once more resumed, halting again at darkness. A larger portion of boiled nilno and various vegetables, principally soft, white fellin tubers and green gemild, was this time presented me, and much strength began to flow from the provender to my body. Still was I weak as a lenga cub, yet was I able to know that my wounds were on the mend. Ceralt made no further appearances; Lialt seemed pleased that I spoke not, and so did it go, for two further feyd. No more than twice did Lialt look upon the wounds beneath the cloth, and each time he grunted in satisfaction, saying no word, yet seeming pleased. Jalav attempted no denial of such treatment, for Jalav had not the strength to hold sword in hand, yet such would not continue forever. When Jalav was well, Lialt would speak words of apology upon his knees, a point of sharpened metal resting upon his throat. So had I seen it, and so would it be.

With the light of the fourth fey came an awakening to a feeling of renewed ability. Much did I feel that Mida had once again smiled upon me, for greatly lessened was the pain in both limbs and body. The conveyance once more creaked upon its way, and easily did the solitude tempt me to try my new-found strength. Slowly, for otherwise would be foolishness, I raised myself to sitting upon the lenga pelt, and though some effort was necessary, the position was at last mine. Some dizziness visited me, and also was the ice-tinged air a discomfort, yet I sat where I had formerly lain, the pain increased nowhere save within my legs and thighs. Gingerly, I touched the cloth upon my right leg, debating the wisdom of removing it and the rest so that the wounds might be bared to the sight of Mida, allowing her to better promote their healing, yet did I see that such a course of action would be unnecessary. Well did Mida know of my wounds, for how else had I thus far healed? Far better to leave the cloth as it was a time, and see first to other things.

Too chill was the air to move about bare as I was, therefore did I wrap myself within the top lenga pelt before I began to make my way to the gap in the cloth at the far end of the conveyance. Somewhat littered with dirt and leaves was the wooden floor of the conveyance, yet I pulled myself through it, one finger-length each time, sweat forming upon my forehead and between my breasts from the effort. The distance had not at first seemed far, little more than half the entire six pace length of the conveyance, yet when I halted to rest and judge my progress, no closer than two paces was I to the opening. Resolutely I lowered my head once more, and resumed my crawl.

Many long, painful reckid later, I lay at last beneath the opening in the cloth. My breath came in gasps, shaking my now aching body with its violence, my arms and legs flaming with angry pain which turned them leaden, yet had my goal now been reached. My back, too, throbbed somewhat, yet not as badly as it once had, and such gave me great encouragement. I know not how long I lay unmoving beneath the opening, setting my attention upon the creaking movement about me. Only do I know that quite some time passed before I was able to force my cheek from the dirty, vibrating wood. One hand holding the lenga pelt about me, I used the other to pull myself to my knees by the raised wooden side of the conveyance, and at last was I able to see what was about me.

Through deeply forested and untenanted lands we moved, the gray-blue skies bright above tall shedding trees. Of red and gold and orange were the leaves of those trees, those that yet hung upon branches, yet vastly more lay upon the ground beside bushes of bare branches, cold fire in the chill of a land with warmth gone away. Beside and behind the conveyance, at some small distance, rode more than four hands of males, clad as Lialt and Ceralt had been, in leathers and belts of shining metal. Little notice did I take of the males themselves, for their mounts quickly grasped my attention. Warriors rode scaled and clawed gandod, city males rode long-maned and hoofed kand, yet these males, called Belsayah riders by Lialt, rode great beasts whose like I had never before seen. Fully half again as large as kand and gandod were the beasts, of a white so pure that nearly did one’s eyes burn to look upon them, and long was the fur upon them, thick and silky and magnificent. No leather seats such as those used by city males were upon them, these Belsayah males making do with single, broad straps about the beasts’ bellies and backs, and also there were no reins. A single length of thin leather, looped about the beast’s nose and thereupon leading back to the rider’s hand, sufficed as control. Highly spirited did the mounts appear, yet their riders controlled them with small difficulty.

Aching were the wounds in my thighs as I, upon my knees, gazed out at that which surrounded me, but I did not go back to my place. Bright was the light which shone down upon the males and their mounts and the landscape all about, yet bleak was the feeling within me, for I knew naught of the strange land through which I moved. Far distant were the lands of the Hosta, the lands of my sisters and my birth, and greater grew the distance with each pace and length we traveled. Long would it be before I once again looked upon the face of Rilas, Keeper of our clans of the Midanna, and I wondered if ever I would again look upon her. Against the chill, I pulled the lenga pelt closer so that I might huddle within it, alone as a Hosta had never before been, alone and helpless among enemies. Was I destined to once again ride free, or had I been given into the hands of males forever? The cold put a great shuddering upon me, and the bleakness of the fey in my heart rose to overwhelm me.

In no more than a hand of reckid was my new-found strength gone, and wearily I lowered myself to the wooden floor once more, and lay where I had not the ability to move from. Great was the ache in which I was wrapped, and deep was my despair, and surely did I wish to give myself over to hopelessness and defeat; however surrender was not possible while I yet lived, no matter how enticing the idea. With difficulty I attempted to regain what I might of strength.

Quickly must exhausted sleep have claimed me, for the first I knew of the halt of the conveyance was the sound of Lialt’s voice, raised in outraged exclamation above me. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see his angered face, hanging within the opening above where I lay, the balance of his body still without the conveyance.

“What have you done?” he demanded, stepping across me to enter the conveyance. In his hand was a metal bowl, and quickly did he place it beside the other lenga pelt which was mine before returning to where I lay. With no effort was I lifted in his arms, and a moment later was I placed again upon the pelt which I had left so long before. Lialt seemed angry as he unwrapped me from the pelt I had taken with me, and examined my wounds. When all was done and the pelt again placed upon me, Lialt’s light, accusing eyes moved to my face. Though there had been no blood beneath the cloth, still was the male grim with disapproval.

“Now I shall know what foolishness possessed you to attempt such a thing!” he growled, a fist upon his knees. “The Serene Oneness alone must have kept the wounds from opening, and I care little for seeing my work so casually undone! For what senseless, female reason do you move about the wagon, wench?”

Much did Lialt’s words anger me, and much would I have joyed in deriding his actions as he did mine, yet was I still not of a mind to address him. Stonily, silently, I returned his glare, and greatly did his anger grow.

“I will have an answer!” he shouted, taking my face in his large hand. “What did you think to accomplish other than your own destruction? Even one so clearly marked by the Snows as you are cannot be thought to be indestructible! Speak to me, wench, else shall I see you soundly punished!”

“What has happened?” came Ceralt’s voice, and then the second male entered the conveyance and approached us. Still did Lialt look upon me sourly, and with much anger did he turn his head to Ceralt.

“Brother, the wench’s stubbornness is not to be borne!” he snapped. “At the wagon’s entrance did I find her, insensible from the effort necessary to reach it, yet does she refuse to speak of her purpose in doing such a thing! Am I to labor at restoring her, merely to see her spit upon my council? So willful a child surely begs to be punished, and wise would you be to see it done!”

Ceralt did not immediately reply, yet his eyes came to me, sharp with displeasure and disapproval. Many times had the male looked upon me so, and each time had I in some manner regretted the look, for Ceralt had not hesitated to make his displeasure known. Uncomfortably, I moved within the lenga pelts, and slowly Ceralt nodded.

“Indeed she shall be punished,” he murmured thoughtfully. “First must she be made well. Has she eaten as yet?”

“No,” responded Lialt, having been reminded of the bowl he had fetched. Immediately was the bowl retrieved, and then were its contents fed to me, Lialt’s arm tight about my shoulders. Little stomach had I for the thin nilno stew, yet was I made to take all of it, Ceralt’s low-browed eyes not moving from me the while. Sternly did I berate myself for allowing such treatment to be done to a Hosta war leader, yet Ceralt was not Lialt, and well did I know this. With the stew done and Lialt’s arm gone from around me, I turned to my right to take my sight from the males till they had gone, yet such was not quickly forthcoming.

“I shall ride with her till we have reached our village,” said Ceralt amid the sounds of rising. “Once there, she will not have further opportunity for disobedience.”

“I feel you are much too optimistic, brother,” Lialt returned, a sour dryness to his tone. “The wench is one who will make her own opportunity.”

No further words were exchanged, Lialt departed, and Ceralt settled himself in broad silence. Heavy was the stew within me, causing discomfort, yet greater was the discomfort of Ceralt’s presence. Fully did I feel his eyes upon me, and much did I wish to rise and leave, even would I have crawled willingly to escape, but such an attempt would have brought his hands to me, a thing I could not bear. As the conveyance again creaked to motion, I set myself upon my belly, my face turned away from him, and begged Mida for the release of sleep. Surely must I have at last found favor in her eyes, for quickly did the sleep come.

The halt of the conveyance wakened me to find that darkness had once again fallen, yet was the darkness filled with much sound and movement as had not heretofore been the case. Torches blinked in movement in the darkness, voices called one to another, laughter flowed in greeting footfalls approached and moved about. No longer uninhabited was the darkness without, and I moved myself to sitting, hoping for some view of those who surrounded us.

“Stay as you are,” came the voice of Ceralt from the near darkness, and then was the sound of his movement. “You shall have sight of your new home soon enough.”

“My place is with Midanna,” I muttered, more to myself than to the male. It was a thought I must keep firmly with me, one to hold to in the presence of this male. No answer did he make, and no time was there for the heavy cold to enter my uncovered backbone, for then came Lialt to the opening with a metal-enclosed flame, and quickly did I learn the reason for his remaining without the conveyance. In one motion was I lifted in Ceralt’s arms, both furs surrounding me, and then was I carried toward where Lialt awaited us.

“There is no weight left to you,” muttered Ceralt in disapproval as he moved carefully to the opening. “The stronger you grow, the more I shall see you eat to return the flesh to your bones. I do not care to see you so.”

His light eyes did not look upon me, for he studied his path, and most grateful was I for that. Even in the dimness was I able to see the cords in his neck, unstrained by my weight, leading to his shoulders, one of which I now rested against. Surely had I the choice, I would once again have walked the lines rather than remain so near to him, yet was the choice not mine. One broad hand rested against my side, not far from where a Silla spear had touched me, and surely was the touch of that hand the more painful of the two. Nearly lost to such thought was I, therefore did I turn my gaze to where we went, if only to save my sanity.

Lialt retreated a step to allow Ceralt exit, and many were the folk who stood all about us, gazing with approval upon the male who held me. Many dwellings were there about us also, difficult to see in the darkness, and then were there many males moving near, cutting off view of all else. Large were these males, dark of hair and skin as Ceralt and Lialt, and also clad as they, in leathers and belts of silver, yet none others seemed to have the light eyes of my captors. Dark-eyed were they, as dark-eyed as I, and the eyes of one seemed to be dark with anger as well. Fully as large as Ceralt was this male, though with many more kalod to his age, and angrily did he push forward before the grinning welcome of the others.

“What means this?” demanded the male of Ceralt, his hand awave toward the conveyance and myself. “Has our High Rider become so fond of city ways that he must return with tainted city women? For shame, Ceralt! I had thought better of you!”

Very slightly did Ceralt’s hold upon me tighten, though his gaze upon the other male held naught save mildness. “In truth, Uncle, I had not known I held such esteem in your thoughts,” said he, and the skin of the other darkened in the torchlight. “Nevertheless,” continued Ceralt with mildness, “I would set your mind at rest. The wench is no city woman, but is the one spoken of by the Snows. Should her health return with sufficient rapidity, she shall ride upon the journey of the Snows, in company with Lialt and myself.”

“Indeed, she has not the look of a city female,” the uncle said low, his forehead awrinkle. “Should she truly be the one spoken of by the Snows, she shall be welcomed,” the male allowed stiffly. “Such, however, remains to be seen. In whose halyar is she to dwell till the time of questioning?”

Again Ceralt’s grip upon me tightened. “She shall dwell in my halyar,” said he, nearly as stiffly as the other had spoken. “The wench now belongs to me.”

Much muttering again arose with the announcement, and many gasps from the females who stood behind the males accompanied it as well. Defiantly Ceralt stood in the face of all, and near to explosion did the male before him seem.

“I shall do no more than ask the required questions,” choked the male, his fists clenched tightly at his sides, perhaps to keep them from the knife at his belt. Greatly disturbed was he, for no reason easily apparent. “From what circle was she drawn?” he demanded. “Before which elder was this accomplished? With what approval did her father look upon these acts?”

With teeth clenched Ceralt stood before those demands, angered yet voiceless. Little understanding had I of what eventuated between these two, yet I knew the look of one who was an enemy. He called uncle was not fond of Ceralt, and surely did Ceralt mean to defy him in some manner, yet Lialt approached his brother and placed hand upon arm before further words might be spoken.

“Ceralt, it is not wise to gainsay custom,” advised Lialt softly, a compassionate look to his eyes. “All may be properly seen to with the blessing of the Serene Oneness. Surely, there is little need at the moment to defy the oldest custom of our people? The girl will not be prepared to receive you for some time.”

Unmoving was Ceralt, seemingly unhearing as well, and then his eyes came to me. Much had I disliked his claimed ownership of me, and such must he have seen in my own eyes, for capitulation came to him then, and slowly he nodded.

“Very well,” said he, his voice weary. “It shall be as custom demands, and I shall draw her from the circle in due time. Now must we find a halyar for her as quickly as possible. I would have her out of the cold as she is not accustomed to it.”

“Desslar’s halyar is as yet untenanted,” offered a voice from those males who stood about. “With a bit of cleaning, it should do her.”

“The cleaning is not immediately necessary,” said Ceralt with a nod. “Do you go now, Cimilan, and light one fire.” The male nodded and left at a run, and Ceralt turned his gaze to the male called uncle. “In this shall matters go as you wish, Uncle,” said he to the tight-lipped male. “Do not presume to think it shall ever be so. I am High Rider in my father’s place not merely through birth.”

Such coldness was there in Ceralt’s tone that the male before him did not attempt to give further voice to his outrage. For a moment the two stood eye to eye, and then the older male reluctantly backed a pace.

He who held me took the path silently, with shoulders straight, and many males with torches accompanied us, leaving he called uncle to stand within the darkness. With deliberation was I carried to a small dwelling, all of dark-appearing wood, and then inside. He who had been called Cimilan had begun a small blaze in the fireplace in a corner of the room, and little was there to be seen by it, save the bare surrounding of the single room. Stale and musty was the air in the dwelling, speaking clearly of its previous emptiness, and all in all, I liked it not. The tents of the Hosta gave none of the trapped, closed-in feel that this dwelling did, and much like the dwellings of those of the cities was it, soulless and not for those who are fond of freedom. Despite the cold of the air of the darkness, I determined that I would not long stay in a dwelling such as that.

Gently did Ceralt place me upon the wooden floor not far from the fire, and a moment later Lialt appeared, a wooden bowl in his hands, a skin of water hung over his shoulder. First I drank from the skin, for a great thirst had overtaken me, and then I fed from the contents of the bowl. Undoubtedly not nilno was the meat cut up therein, yet was it edible to some small degree, being much too well cooked by the fire. Somewhat discomforted was I as I fed, for the males with torches stood about silently, eyeing me with an interest I could not fathom. No more than my shoulders and cloth-bound arms were visible about the lenga pelt, yet did they stare upon me where I lay against Lialt’s arm, being fed the cuts of meat. At last, I would have no more of such stares, and firmly refused the balance of the meat, thinking to be rid of the males along with the remnants of the meal. Lialt was not pleased with my decision, yet he accepted it, spilling the meat from the bowl before taking a thin fold of cloth from his leather chest covering, and emptying its contents in the place of the meat. When water was added to that which had been in the cloth, I grew apprehensive, recalling the many potions given me at various times by males, and attempted to deny the drink, yet Lialt and Ceralt would have none of it. Easily did they force the drink upon me, holding me unmoving as I choked and sputtered, and then a great weariness came up from my feet, covering me heavily till at last I knew no more.