And the Bride Wore Red

CHAPTER ELEVEN

SHE must have lain there for an hour, holding Norah’s hand and praying desperately for a miracle.

When it finally came it was the tiniest, most fragile of miracles, just a faint squeeze, but it was enough to make Olivia weep. Somehow, through the dark mists, Norah had sensed her. She must believe that. She must-she must.

She awoke to the feeling of someone shaking her shoulder.

‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I didn’t mean to go to sleep, but jet lag…’

‘I know,’ the nurse said sympathetically. ‘Do you mind waiting outside while we attend to her?’

Olivia almost sleepwalked into the corridor and sat down, leaning back against the wall, exhausted. Inside her head there was a howling wilderness of grief, desolation and confusion. It felt as though that was all there would ever be again.

She forced herself to think clearly. She should call her mother.

Melisande answered at once. As briefly as possible, Olivia explained what had happened and that she was at the hospital.

‘Norah could die at any moment. How long will it take you to get here?’

‘Get there? Oh, darling, I don’t think-Besides, she’s got you. Since you went to China she’s talked about nothing else. You’re the one she wants. Keep in touch.’

She hung up quickly.

Well, what else did I expect? Olivia asked herself bitterly.

The nurse appeared, signalling for her to come back in.

‘She’s opened her eyes,’ she said. ‘She’ll be glad to see you.’

Norah’s eyes were just half-open, but they lit up at the sight of Olivia.

‘You came,’ she whispered.

‘Of course I came.’

Norah closed her eyes again, seemingly content. Olivia sat there, holding her hand for another hour until the nurse touched her on the shoulder.

‘You should go home and get some rest. She’s stable now. Give me your number and I’ll call you if anything changes.’

Norah’s apartment was dark and chilly. Olivia stared at her suitcases which Jack had left there for her. She knew that she should make an effort to unpack, but it was too much.

With all her heart she yearned for Lang, yearned for his voice, his comforting presence, the feel of his body close to hers. He was so far away-not just in miles but in everything that counted. Suddenly it seemed impossible that she would ever see him again.

She began to wander aimlessly around the apartment, trying to understand the depths of her isolation. Less than twenty-four hours ago she’d been the happiest woman on earth. Now the ugly silence sang in her ears, perhaps for ever.

He’d promised love eternal, but what was in his mind now-her or the all-important interview for the job? She was suddenly convinced that he must have forgotten her as soon as they’d parted, drawn back to his ‘real’ life.

She should call him, but what was he doing at this moment? With her mind fuzzy, she couldn’t work out the time difference. He might be talking to somebody vital to his career and resent her interrupting.

She took out her mobile phone and sat staring at it, feeling stupid. After a while she put it away again.

Then it shrilled at her.

‘Where have you been?’ came Lang’s frantic voice. ‘I’ve been waiting and waiting, thinking you’d call me as soon as you had news. When you didn’t, I nearly went crazy. I started checking the flights to see if anything had happened to your plane.’

‘Oh, heavens!’ She wept.

‘Darling, what is it? Is she dead? Tell me.’

‘No, she’s alive and holding on.’

She told him about her journey-her arrival and the moment when Norah had seemed to become aware of her. She hardly knew what she said. She was almost hysterical with relief that he’d reached out to her.

‘So it’s good news,’ Lang said. ‘If she’s survived the first twenty-four hours, then her chances are fine. She’ll be well in no time.’

‘What’s been happening to you?’ she asked.

‘I’m back in Beijing.’

‘Have you done anything about the job?’

‘No, it’s still only dawn here. When the day starts properly I’ll get to work. Then I’m going to get myself a video link so that we can talk face to face.’

‘You can call me on Norah’s. I’m living there for the moment.’

‘Go and get some sleep now. You must be in need of it. I love you.’

‘I love you,’ she said wistfully.

She hung up and tumbled into bed, trying to tell herself that Norah would soon be well; Lang had seemed sure. After all, he was a doctor. But she knew in her heart that he was being too optimistic too soon. If Norah made only a partial recovery they would be faced with huge problems and she guessed that he didn’t want to think about them just yet.

She went to the hospital early next day. Norah was still unconscious, but after an hour she opened her eyes. Her smile as she beheld Olivia was full of happiness.

‘I thought I’d only dreamed that you were here,’ she murmured.

‘No, I’m here, and I’m staying to look after you until you’re all right.’

‘What about Lang?’

‘He’s fine. I’ve talked to him.’

‘What was the marvellous news he was going to tell me?’

‘There’s a big job coming up and he reckons he’s in line for it. He’s very ambitious.’

She went on talking softly until Norah’s eyes drooped again and she drifted into a normal sleep.

‘Is she going to make it?’ Olivia asked the nurse softly.

‘The doctor thinks so. Despite her age, she’s very strong. It’s too soon to be certain, but it’ll probably work out.’

She went home feeling more cheerful than she’d dared to hope. Norah would recover and their plans could go on as before. She must believe that.

The next day Lang hooked up online and she saw his face for the first time since their goodbye. The sight gave her heart a jolt. He was so near, yet so far. She gave him the nurse’s words.

‘What did I tell you?’ he said cheerfully. ‘Biyu will be delighted. She’d actually pencilled in a date for our wedding-the twenty-third of next month. When I explained about the delay, she was very put out. So was Hai. He was practically lining the fish up to be caught.’

Olivia laughed shakily.

‘Tell them I’m sorry to disappoint them, and I’ll be back when I can.’

How hollow those words sounded to her own ears.

‘They’ll be glad to hear that. Wei’s fiancée is writing a new song to sing at the wedding. I’ve got an interview for the job next week, and someone has dropped me a private hint that my chances are good.’

‘Darling, I’m so thrilled for you. It’ll be everything you always wanted.’

‘You know better than that,’ he told her.

‘Yes, I do. It’s just that things look different now that we’re so far apart.’

‘But we aren’t far apart,’ he said at once. ‘In here-’ he tapped his breast ‘-you’re still with me, and you always will be. Nothing has changed.’

When he talked like that it was easy to believe that things would work out well. But when they had disconnected there came the time, which she dreaded. Then the distance became not merely real but the only reality.

Inch by inch she slipped into a routine. In the morning she was a housekeeper, shopping and cleaning. In the afternoon she visited Norah, now out of Intensive Care.

In the evenings she linked up to wait for Lang to appear on-screen. It occurred to her that she was following much the same timetable Norah had followed while waiting for her to call from China. When the connection finally came it marked the beginning of her day. When it was over, she counted the hours until the next one.

With a heavy heart she realised that this was how it must have felt for Norah years ago, waiting for news of her lover overseas, until finally there was nothing left to hope for.

One day Lang didn’t appear at the usual time. When he finally came online he apologised and said he’d been helping out at the hospital.

‘There was an emergency and they called in all hands. I’ve decided to abandon the rest of my vacation and go back to work. It could be useful to be on the spot-just in case.’

‘I think that’s very wise,’ she said cheerfully.

‘It means I don’t know exactly what time I’ll be calling,’ he said.

‘It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay hooked up permanently so that I’m always ready.’

Which was exactly what Norah had done for her, she remembered, and the similarity made her shiver.

On the day of his interview she waited by the computer for hours and knew, as soon as she saw him, that things had gone well.

‘I’m through to the next stage,’ he said triumphantly. ‘I have to meet the whole board next week.’

That meeting too went well, and Lang confided that several board members had spoken in complimentary terms of his work at the hospital over the last three years. He said it without apparent conceit, but she was certain that he knew exactly how good he was.

Then a problem developed. His name was Guo Daiyu, and he was brilliant, Lang told her despondently.

‘He didn’t hear of the job at first, but someone told him recently and he hurried to apply. He has an excellent reputation, and he’s the one person who could take it away from me.’

She comforted him as best she could, but she could see that the thought of losing the prize at the last minute was appalling to him.

It was ironic, she thought as she lay staring into the darkness in the early hours. Lang talked romantically, he spoke of his family’s legend of love, but beneath it he was a fiercely ambitious man who knew the value of practical things.

She still believed in his love, but she also knew that the coming struggle was going to reveal each one of them to the other in a way that might destroy them.

Now she found herself remembering the story of Natalie, the woman he’d loved but had given up because she’d threatened to divert him from his chosen path. That path had included China and his professional ambition, and nothing would be allowed to stand in the way. Nothing. That was the message, clear and simple.

Then something happened. It was stupid, incongruous and even amusing in a faintly hysterical way, and it cast another light on the turn her life was taking.

After some nagging on Olivia’s part, her parents visited Norah in hospital. They giggled a lot, said the right things and left as soon as possible.

Her father seemed faintly embarrassed to see her, but that was par for the course. He muttered something about how she must be short of money, pressed a cheque into her hand and departed, confident of having done his fatherly duty.

The cheque was large enough to make Olivia stare, and since she was indeed short of money she accepted it thankfully, if wryly. But she wondered what was going on.

She found out when her mother telephoned that evening.

‘Darling, I have the most wonderful news. You’ll be so thrilled-but I expect you’ve guessed already.’

‘No, I haven’t guessed anything.’

‘Daddy and I are going to get married.’

‘Married?’

‘Isn’t it wonderful? After all these years we’ve discovered that our love never really died. We were always meant to be together, and when that’s true nothing can really keep you apart. Don’t you agree?’

‘I don’t know,’ Olivia whispered.

Luckily Melisande was too wrapped up in herself to hear this.

‘We’ve both suffered so much, but it was all worth it to find each other again. The wedding is next Friday and I want you to be my bridesmaid.’

She should have been expecting this, but for some reason it came as a shock.

‘Melly, I really don’t think-’

‘Oh, but, darling, it’ll be so beautiful. Just think of it-true love rediscovered, and there, as my attendant, is the offspring of that love. Now, come along, don’t be a miserable old grumpy. Of course you’ll do it.’

‘So I said yes,’ Olivia told Norah next day. ‘At least, she said yes, and I didn’t have the energy to argue. Somehow I just can’t take it seriously.’

‘Oh, it’s serious, all right,’ Norah said caustically. ‘You can’t blame your mother. Time’s getting on, and it was a very big win.’

‘What was?’

‘Your father had a win on the lottery some time back.’

‘So that’s where the cheque came from.’

‘I’m glad he had the decency to give you some, even if it was just a way of shutting you up. He’s rolling in it at the moment, which explains a lot about “love’s young dream”. Or, in their case, love’s middle-aged dream.’

‘Oh, heavens,’ Olivia said, beginning to laugh.

She attended the elaborate wedding and endured the sight of her parents acting like skittering young lovers. At the reception almost everyone made speeches about the power of eternal love, and she wanted to cry out at the vulgar exhibition of something that to her was sacred. Afterwards Melisande embraced her dramatically.

‘I’m so sorry you’re here alone. Wasn’t there some nice young man you could have brought? Well, better luck next time. We don’t want you to be a miserable old maid, do we?’

‘I suppose there are worse things than being alone,’ Olivia observed mildly.

‘Oh, no, my darling, I promise you there aren’t.’

‘I’m very happy for you, Mother.’

‘You did promise not to call me that.’

Olivia’s sense of humour came to her rescue.

‘If I can’t call my mother “Mother” on the day she marries my father, well, when can I?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Never mind. Goodbye, Mother. Have a happy marriage.’

Soon it would be the twenty-third of the month, the day on which Biyu had wanted her and Lang to marry. They had laughed at her determination, but now Olivia’s heart ached to think of it.

‘She’s consoling herself with Wei’s wedding,’ Lang told her. ‘He and Suyin were going to wait until autumn, but she ordered them to make it the twenty-third, so they did as they were told.’

Olivia dreaded the arrival of the day but it started with a pleasant surprise. Opening a parcel delivered by the postman, she discovered a butterfly brooch that exactly matched the one Lang had given her. On the card he’d written,

Do you need me to tell you that it’s all still true? Call me as soon as this arrives, any time.

It was midnight in Beijing but he was there waiting for her.

‘Thank heavens!’ he said fervently. ‘I’ve been praying I wouldn’t miss your call.’

‘You should be getting some rest,’ she chided him fondly. ‘You look tired.’

‘I can’t rest until I’ve talked to you. Tell me that you like it.’

‘It was exactly what I needed.’

‘Tell me that you still love me.’

‘Yes, sir,’ she said, giving him a mocking salute. ‘I obey.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He grinned. ‘I don’t change, do I? Still giving orders.’

‘Giving direct orders isn’t really your way. You’re better at pulling strings from behind. I guess you’re just practising an autocratic manner for when you get the job. Has anything happened?’

‘It’ll be any day now. Darling, you still haven’t told me that you love me.’

She was feeling lighthearted for the first time in weeks. ‘Well,’ she teased. ‘Let me see…’

She was interrupted by the sound of his phone. He snatched it up, and immediately became angry.

‘What, now? All right, I’m coming.’ He turned back to the screen. ‘That was the hospital. I have to go. We’ll talk again tomorrow.’

‘Lang, I-’

But he had gone.

She sat very still for a while, looking at the blank screen. Then she went to bed.

Next morning the doctor said to her, ‘Norah can’t be left on her own, but if you’re going to live with her then I think we can send her home.’

‘Yes, I’ll always be there,’ Olivia assured him quietly.

Norah was sent home that very afternoon. They hugged each other joyfully and settled down to chat, but almost at once Norah was too tired to continue. Olivia put her to bed and sat with her for a while, feeling the responsibility settle around her shoulders.

Lang came online early that night. One look at his beaming face told her everything.

‘You got it!’ she exclaimed.

‘Yes, they confirmed it today. I now have a three-year contract at more money than I was earning before. I can afford a really nice home for you.’

Out of this only one thing stood out.

‘You’ve already signed the contract?’

‘I took the first chance before they changed their mind. I only wish you could have been there with me to make everything perfect.’

So that was it. He’d committed himself finally and, by a cruel irony, he’d done it on the day Norah’s return home had made her frailty even clearer than before. If anything more was needed to confirm that their feet were set on two different paths, this was it.

She smiled and congratulated him, told him of her happiness and then of her love. His look of joy was the same she’d seen before, as though nothing could ever change.

‘I love you so much,’ he told her. ‘I can’t wait for our life together to start.’

He parted with the words, ‘Give Norah my love. Tell her to get well soon.’

‘I will,’ she promised.

To her relief, the connection broke. In another moment he would have seen that she was weeping, but he didn’t see it, nor the way she reached out to touch the screen as though he were really there, then drew away quickly because he would never be there.

An hour later she looked in on Norah, who’d just awoken and was cheerful.

‘Come and sit with me,’ she said, patting the bed.

As Olivia sat down the light from the bedside lamp fell on the silver butterfly pinned to her shoulder.

‘That’s such a pretty brooch. I’ve noticed that you always wear it, so I guess it must be special.’

‘Yes, it’s very special,’ Olivia said.

‘Did he give it to you? Don’t worry, I won’t pry if it’s a secret.’

‘When have I ever kept secrets from you? Yes, Lang gave it to me at the airport when we said goodbye.’

She removed the butterfly and laid it in Norah’s hand. The old woman drew it close and studied it intently.

‘It’s so beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘It must have a special meaning.’

‘Butterflies are a symbol of eternal love, because of an old Chinese legend.’

She told the story of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, how they had loved each other and been forced apart.

‘When she stood before his tomb, it opened and enfolded her. A moment later two butterflies flew up and away into the sunset, together for ever.’

‘Together for ever,’ Norah whispered. ‘Even death couldn’t divide them. Oh, yes, that’s how it is.’

‘How have you endured all these years without him?’ Olivia whispered.

‘But, my dear, I haven’t been without him. In my heart he has been with me always, waiting for me as Shanbo waited for Yingtai. When my time comes I shan’t be afraid, because we will take wing together. You’re very lucky to have Lang. He’s a man of great understanding.’

‘But what can come of it? How can I ever marry him? How could I have engaged myself to a man I’d known only a week or two? Of all the people to do such a daft thing, how could I?’

‘But you mustn’t give up hope. You’ve got your whole future ahead of you. I couldn’t bear it if you sacrificed it for me. Please, my darling, don’t spend your life in bitter regrets, as I have, always thinking how different it might have been if I’d only-’ She broke off.

‘But you couldn’t have changed anything,’ Olivia protested. ‘He died in the army.’

‘Yes, but…’ Norah was silent a long time, but then she seemed to come to a resolution. ‘I’ve told you so much about my love for Edward, but there’s one thing I’ve never spoken of to you or anyone. Things were different fifty years ago. Couples were expected to wait for marriage before they made love.

‘I loved Edward so much, and when he wanted us to make love I wanted it too, but I was afraid that he’d despise me afterwards. So we didn’t. I was sensible. I could tell he was hurt, afraid I didn’t love him enough. I told myself that I’d make it up to him when we were married.

‘But in those days we still had National Service, and he had to finish his time before we could marry. He was sent abroad suddenly. It should just have been a short tour of duty but he was killed by a sniper, and the world ended for me. Night after night I wept, but it was too late. He’d died without really knowing how much I loved him. Oh, Edward, Edward, forgive me!’

Suddenly it might have happened yesterday, and she sobbed without restraint. Olivia gathered the old woman into her arms and her own tears fell. For years she’d thought she understood Norah’s feelings, but now she realised she’d never guessed the yawning chasm of grief that had turned her life into a nightmare of emptiness.

When Norah’s sobs had subsided Olivia controlled her own feelings and managed to say, ‘But things are different these days. Lang and I have made love.’

‘Then you know what you mean to each other, and you mustn’t take any risks with that. Don’t let me see you wishing every day that you could turn the clock back.’

‘I’ve been thinking. I’m going back to China to clear out my apartment and talk to Mrs Wu. I’ll see Lang again, talk to him. Maybe we can come to some arrangement with me dividing my time between China and here. If not, well…’

‘Oh, no. You mustn’t finish with him.’

‘I’m not leaving you alone.’

‘I’m not alone. There’s the rest of the family.’

‘Oh, yes, Mum and Dad prancing around like the world’s their stage. The others who send you the occasional Christmas card. I have to be here at least some of the time. He’ll understand.’

‘Perhaps he’ll return to England.’

‘No.’ Olivia set her jaw stubbornly. ‘I’d never ask him. Besides, he’s already signed a contract.’

She didn’t mention the other reason; the story he’d told her about the woman he’d left rather than change course had carried a hidden warning.

‘I fixate on something,’ he’d said on another occasion, ‘and I stick with it. It doesn’t make me a nice person.’

She hadn’t seen the warning then, but it was clear enough now.

She clung to the thought that they might still be together, that somehow life could be arranged so that she could divide her time between China and England. It was a wildly impractical idea, but it was all that stood between her and the abyss.

At night she slept with Ming Zhi in her arms, gripping her more tightly, more frantically every time, as though hoping to recover the caution and wisdom by which she’d always lived.

She’d prided herself on those qualities, but in the end they had failed to save her from falling in love so deeply that she belonged to him body and soul, for ever. She could almost have laughed at herself, but the laughter would be terrible and bitter.

She knew that Lang loved her. But he was the man he was, a man made of granite beneath a gentle surface.

His face came into her mind as she’d last seen it in real life, not merely on the screen: the sadness as they’d parted, the yearning look that had seemed to follow her. Then she thought of how he’d beamed when he’d told her he’d got the job. He would survive their parting-if there had to be a parting-because he had something else. And she would survive knowing that all was well with him.

That was as far as she dared to let herself think. But the temptation to see him once more, to lie in his arms one last time, was too great to be resisted. From it she would draw the strength to live a bleak life without him.

She hired an agency nurse, a pleasant young woman who got on well with Norah from the first moment. She moved into the apartment at once, leaving Olivia’s mind at ease.

The only problem now was what to say to Lang when they next talked, but he solved that by texting her to say he would be at the hospital all night.

She texted back, informing him that she was coming to China.

That was how they communicated now.