Asunder

6 GRATITUDE

A COUPLE OF hours later, the sylph watched us go. They stayed by their trees, moaning pitifully and huddling together when a chill wind snapped through, but they made no motion to follow us. I had pockets full of sylph eggs, just in case.

As Sam and I headed west into the woods, the pony on a lead behind us, the sylph wailed and sang part of a symphony we’d been listening to the other night.

I shivered deeper into my coat. What did they want? Nothing in the lab had offered an explanation.

Aside from the poison, I was just as confused as before.

“Come on,” Sam said, gentle as ever when pulling me from fearful contemplation. “We need to decide something very important.”

“What’s that?” I tugged my hat over my ears and adjusted my fingerless mittens, trapping in as much heat as possible.

“Which duet we’ll play for Sarit first. Do you have a preference?”

I grinned and let him distract me with talk of music for the next several hours, though both of us kept checking over our shoulders for shadows that didn’t belong.

During our hike from Purple Rose Cottage to Menehem’s lab, autumn had only been creeping into the leaves, weaving red and gold and russet with the green. Now, as we pushed toward Heart, an autumn carpet crunched beneath our boots.

A deep roar sounded, long and rumbling. I stiffened and reached for my knife—as if it would do any good if we were about to encounter a bear—but Sam just took my forearm and drew me off the road.

“Stand back here.” As the roar grew louder and higher, Sam slipped one hand around mine and held tight to Shaggy’s harness with the other.

It wasn’t a bear growl; the sound was too long and even and mechanical. A low-flying air drone approached in a torrent of leaves. Metal glinted in dappled sunlight, the only thing I could see through the leaf storm, and the noise grew so shrill I covered my ears.

Then the drone was gone, its sound falling lower as it vanished down the road. Leaves rained down on the sides of the road, showers of gold and red and russet, leaving the cobblestones mostly clear.

“It’s safe now.” Sam drew Shaggy and me back onto the road.

“A drone to clear the roads?” I gazed after the thing, but it was long gone. Only flurries of autumn leaves gave evidence to its passing. “How does it know where to go? And why is it so loud?” Labor drones were typically quiet.

“There are sensors under the roads, which tell if there’s anything covering it for long periods of time.

Rain doesn’t matter, and moving traffic doesn’t set it off, but snow and lots of leaves do. Even dead animals. It can tell what kind of material is covering the stone, and appropriate drones get sent out.”

“Stef’s idea?” It sounded like something she would insist on, keeping the roads clear even when traffic outside of Heart was uncommon.

“And the noise they make.” Sam tugged Shaggy’s lead and the pony snorted, ears twisting to listen to the retreating drone. “We found out quickly that with the quieter models, animals didn’t know what to do.

With the noise, they tend to run.”

“Instead of waiting to get hit on the head?”

“Exactly. Now,” he said, “we need to talk about your posture when you play your flute. You keep letting the end drop. Is it too heavy?” His tone was teasing.

“No,” I mumbled, because he was right. It was just laziness.

“You’ll get a better sound if you hold your flute straight.”

“I know, I know. Do you keep yourself up at night coming up with new things to correct me on?”

He chuckled. “Do you keep yourself up at night coming up with new ways to see if I’m paying attention?”

“That’s exactly what I do.” Sighing happily, I lifted my face to the perfume of autumn. The scents of turning leaves and decaying grass tickled through me, and as we left the sylph and lab behind, a knot inside my chest began to loosen.

A new tangle formed as we drew closer to Heart, and two days later we woke to clouds falling across the sky in great splashes. The air, so recently crisp and exciting, now felt heavy and close with waiting.

As we finished packing our belongings, I hunched deep into my raincoat, wishing it would just rain already.

The sky rumbled and the ground shook. Water poured from the clouds, soaking the remainder of the journey to Heart with misery.

The rain pounded on us at all hours, dripping through the autumn foliage and revealing thin spots in our tent that night. The temperature dipped, and by the time we approached Heart the next day, my wool clothes were sodden and smelly, chafing my skin. I entertained vivid fantasies of a hot shower.

At last, the city wall shone white atop the plateau, and beside me, Sam muttered something in relief.

Beneath his hood, his expression melted into what mine must have looked like when we’d left Heart.

But seeing the pristine white tower that soared into the clouds, muscles in my neck and shoulders crawled with tension, and all I could think about were Janan’s words to me: mistake. You are a mistake of no consequence.

I jerked my gaze downward, pulled in a breath, and twisted my hands around in my mitts to distract myself. Even with the sylph, our weeks away had erased the stress I’d barely realized I’d been living with in Heart. And it took only one look to bring it back.

“Are you all right?” Sam’s voice came just over the pounding rain. “Ana?”

I nodded. “Let’s get it over with.”

Geysers steamed fiercely in the cold, making the whole plateau misty and difficult to navigate.

“Stay on the road,” Sam reminded me, though it wasn’t necessary. Some of the ground here was very thin; beneath us, an immense chamber of magma pulsed and boiled, releasing its energy in bursts of steaming water and bubbling mud. Nevertheless, I let him guide me to the Eastern Arch, and waited while he pressed his hand against the soul-scanner. A moment later, it allowed our entrance.

Inside the guard station, we dried ourselves and Shaggy, and sent the pony with the guard on duty so he could be fed. The guard smiled at me. I sort of recognized him from Templedark. Had I warned him against dying? The whole night had been too chaotic for clear memories, and he took Shaggy and left before I could ask.

“Do you want to wait here until it stops raining?” Sam asked when we were alone.

“No, we might as well walk to the other side of the city now. Who knows how long it will be before the storm passes?” I pulled out my SED and sent a message to Sarit to meet us at Sam’s. “But we are going to have a big jar of honey waiting for us. Sarit likes rain, right?”

Sam grinned and hefted four of our bags onto his shoulders, leaving two for me. Just those were more than heavy enough.

We headed outside, into Heart, trudging under the weight of our belongings. East Avenue was dark and quiet, except for the driving rain, so we hurried down the road without interruption. Mills and warehouses of the industrial quarter watched us from the south; evergreen trees blocked the northeastern residential quarter, leaving only the occasional street as proof that people lived there.

As we entered the market field—the wide expanse of cobblestone surrounding the temple and Councilhouse—Sam moved to walk between the temple and me. He didn’t say anything about it, and he knew I didn’t like the temple, but I wasn’t sure it was an entirely conscious move, either.

We turned onto South Avenue. A side road here and there, and finally we came to his walkway, covered with wet leaves and broken twigs. The fruit trees were bare, and at one side of the house, chickens and cavies’ buildings were nearly invisible in the rain.

“Ready to get out of the weather?” Sam asked, hitching his load of bags again.

Yes, definitely, but I wasn’t eager to box myself into one of the identical houses of white stone. Walls shouldn’t have heartbeats. They shouldn’t. And as welcoming as Sam’s house was otherwise—pine-green shutters and doors, rosebushes below the windows, and a generous garden—it was still made from that stone. It had windows and doors in the same places as every other house in Heart. It wasn’t natural.

Still, I didn’t want to stand out in the rain staring. I followed Sam indoors and dropped my bags on the mud rug. Water soaked the wool threads immediately, turning the gray a shade darker.

Sam stripped off his outer clothes and boots, leaving them behind as he moved between all the instruments in the parlor. The sheets covering the piano, harpsichord, cello—all the large instruments on the floor—had been moved away already, probably courtesy of Stef or Sarit.

I unloaded all my wet belongings and clothes, muscles creaking with relief, then hurried up the spiral staircase and into my washroom for a shower.

When I was warmed through, dry, and clothed in a dove-gray sweater and thick black pants, I skipped downstairs to find Sarit and Stef making tea in the kitchen.

“Ana!” Sarit abandoned the kettle and wrapped me in a hug. “You’re back! And just in time. I got a message earlier saying that Lidea went to the rebirthing center this afternoon, and Wend will send a message when we should come. They’d have been so sad if you couldn’t make it.”

“Ugh, the rain, though.” I pulled my damp hair into a quick bun. “Our tent had a leak. I’ve had quite enough of the rain.”

“But you’re going, right?” Sarit narrowed her dark eyes at me. “Because I will put you in one of my tiny bags and carry you if I have to.”

“I’ll go! Anything but the tiny bag.” With Sarit appeased, I shifted and hugged Stef before accepting the hot mug of tea she offered. “Missed you.”

She shook back a length of blond hair and kissed my forehead. “You too.”

We headed into the parlor, where Stef and I sat on the sofa, and Sarit perched on the piano bench.

“Think he’ll notice?” She glanced toward the stairs; Sam was somewhere up there, finishing washing or unpacking. I didn’t even want to think about unpacking, but my bag stared at me from the door, waiting.

“Oh, he’ll notice,” Stef said. “But he won’t mind.”

Sarit grinned and caressed the row of ebony and ivory piano keys. “I call this one ‘Bumble, Bumblebee.’ It’s for you, Ana.”

I laughed and leaned back to listen while she played a silly tune that seemed to involve more picking notes at random than anything. Eventually Sam came down and sat on the arm of the sofa next to me, and everyone caught up with one another.

In all my years of living in Purple Rose Cottage with Li, I’d never imagined this: sitting in Dossam’s elegant parlor, surrounded by glorious instruments I’d only dreamt of seeing, and listening to my friends discuss their days.

I had friends.

It was more than I could have hoped.

Stef was fierce and intimidating, possessing this grace so practiced it was unconscious after all these generations. Sitting next to her always made me feel skinny and awkward. And while Stef looked like sunshine, Sarit looked like nighttime, with dramatic dark hair and eyes. They were both so beautiful it hurt.

But they were my friends. My friends. They liked me for some reason. And Sam—Sam had said he loved me.

I leaned back, scribbling happiness into my notebook and listening to the melody of my friends’ voices.

Sam glanced over and lifted an eyebrow. “Diary?”

With a shrug and a smile, I closed my notebook. I’d show him what was inside when I was ready.

After a half hour of talking and drinking tea, the patter of rain let up, and Sarit checked her SED.

“Looks like Lidea is ready for us. We should go while it’s safe to walk outside without gills.”

We put on coats and grabbed umbrellas, and the four of us went out, Sam and Stef walking together, and Sarit with me. The world smelled of damp grass and leaves, fresh, in spite of the way everything was dying at winter’s approach.

“Long trip away,” she muttered. “Just you and Sam. A romantic gift of a flute. So have you”—she lifted an eyebrow suggestively—“you know?”

Had I what? Had Sam and I done something together? Something that warranted a suggestive eyebrow? She must have thought I’d be embarrassed to talk about it—which meant whatever it was, I hadn’t done it. “No.” I bit my lip.

“Really? The way you two were at the rededication, I’d have thought months ago.”

Heat rose to my throat and cheeks when I thought about the masquerade, Sam as the shrike and the way he danced with me. My face really burned when I remembered what happened after the masquerade, the way he’d touched me and made me long for something I couldn’t name.

But then Meuric and Li had taken Sam prisoner, and forced me to live with Li until Templedark, when I’d escaped. After that… “We slowed down,” I said. “Really slowed. Nothing has been the same since the rededication. That night was unique.”

In both wonderful and horrible ways.

She nodded. “But you’re happy with him? Slow, but good?”

“Yes, very.” Nervousness fluttered inside of me. “He said he lo—” The word stuck on my tongue, and Sarit waited for me to finish, her dark gaze patient. I gathered the syllables in my mouth again. “He said he loves me.”

A dozen reactions flickered across Sarit’s face—I caught shock and joy and confusion—before her expression softened into understanding. “And you think…what?”

I shrugged.

“I want to know.” She bumped my shoulder with hers and lowered her voice, though Sam and Stef were far ahead of us now. “Did you say it back?”

She wouldn’t think badly of me. I could be honest. “I didn’t.”

“Did you want to?”

I pulled my flashlight from my coat and swept the beam across the wet cobblestones. It wasn’t quite dark enough to need it, but they’d all keep going long after it was too dark to see. They could navigate Heart with their eyes closed. Sam had done it once when I’d bet him he couldn’t.

Sarit touched my wrist as we turned the corner onto South Avenue. “It’s okay if you didn’t want to say it. Or you just couldn’t.” She was an echo, just as sweet and understanding as he’d been. Both of them made my heart feel like it might burst with wonder.

“I don’t know yet,” I said at last. I couldn’t even explain to myself why I’d started crying when he told me, and I didn’t want to bother Sarit with it. Not now. This would be a happy night. “But he told me again the next day. And the days after.”

“Good.” She was quiet as we headed toward the Councilhouse, where the hospital waited. “Don’t worry about that other thing.”

Ah, the thing that might be embarrassing to talk about. I bit my lip, half wishing she’d been more clear about it, half relieved she hadn’t. “Okay.”

“It’ll happen when you’re ready. Just…He loves you, Ana. If he said it, he means it. And I love you too. I’m still really glad you’re here.”

“Why?” I whispered, hardly able to believe she’d said it, too. How easy she made it sound, just freely giving love.

Sarit stopped and regarded me with a wry smile. “Just accept it, Ana. You can’t stop your friends from loving you. You can’t stop Sam from feeling the way he does. You know I admire that you question things, but this—this doesn’t have to be one of them.”

Gratitude kindled inside of me, almost choking my words. “Thank you,” I said, and we hurried after Sam and Stef.