Baby Under The Mistletoe

CHAPTER NINE

AS THEY WALKED FROM the Thai restaurant to the baby store, West checked the messages on his cell phone, relieved to see there weren’t any urgent calls from his mother about the General. There was a call from his assignment officer, but he didn’t want to know yet what that one was about. He slipped the phone into his pocket, struck by how quickly his life had transformed into one he barely recognized.

A week ago, he’d been in Colorado, puzzling over how he’d get his father’s caregiver situation squared away so that he could go off to Afghanistan or wherever his next assignment sent him. He’d been thinking he’d pressure his two brothers over the holidays to step in and take some responsibility for the situation-not his mother-and he’d had no idea how profoundly his life was about to change.

He’d even been stupid enough to wonder if he might hook up with Soleil again, spend some more time with her. If he’d only known.

He surveyed the store, aisle after aisle of cutesy baby paraphernalia, and he again had the urge to go hunt a wild boar. Soleil, for her part, looked just as bewildered. She stepped tentatively forward, then stopped, frowning at a display of how-to books, each cover cutesier than the last.

“God,” she muttered, picking up a book with a picture of a pregnant woman in a rocking chair on the cover. “How lame do they think women are?”

West picked up a hefty tome entitled The Breast-feeding Book, half wondering what it had to say in all those pages that he hadn’t already learned in that three-page article. Soleil eyed his selection but said nothing.

“So we’re here for a crib, right?” he asked as he returned the book to the shelf.

“Right,” she said, fumbling in her purse and pulling out a list. “And a few other things.”

“What are these things?” West picked up a U-shaped pillow decorated with pictures of daisies and put it up to his face. “For sleeping facedown?”

Soleil laughed. “It’s a nursing pillow. Didn’t you learn all about them in that breast-feeding article?”

“Wait a sec. How does this thing work?” He held it down at his waist, then squeezed it on like a life preserver.

“You wear it like that while you’re sitting down, and it supports the baby and your arms. It’s a comfort thing, I guess.”

“For someone who reads the New Yorker, you sure know a lot about weird-looking baby equipment.”

She rolled her eyes at him and turned her attention back to the cribs. “We didn’t come here to buy that,” she said.

“So…are you planning to breast-feed?”

“Sure, why not. I’ll finally get to put these inconvenient things to use,” she said, motioning at her chest.

“Trust me, those are anything but inconvenient.”

“You’ve never gone jogging with them.”

“I would if I could,” he joked, and she finally cracked a smile.

Watching her in profile as she studied the selection of cribs, he felt overcome with a feeling he’d never had for her before. He’d always found her attractive and exciting, but now, the way they’d settled into this sort of companionable day, even with the momentous stuff that had happened, she felt like…like a friend.

She felt like not only someone he wanted to sleep with, but someone he wanted to hang out with, talk to and solicit opinions from.

He appreciated that she was making an effort to get along. And he, for his part, was trying his best not to goad her into any arguments for the fireworks value. Besides, he was in no mood for games lately.

“What do you think of this one?” she said, indicating a mahogany bed with simple lines and a sweeping sort of sleighlike headboard and footboard.

“It’s beautiful,” he said. “Is that the one you want?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Let’s get it.”

They went in search of a salesperson to help them, and along the way, West eyed the mind-boggling amount of baby stuff to be bought.

“Should we, uh, be buying all this other stuff, too? Because I can cover the tab. It’s the least I can do-”

“Not yet,” she said. “There’ll probably be a shower in another month or two, and people will give us gifts. Once we see what everyone’s given us, then we can go shopping for the stuff we still need.”

There was that word. We. She’d used it three times. And us.

He liked hearing her talk that way, but he also knew she only meant it in the simplest sense. She wasn’t suggesting anything by it.

Or was she?

The way today had gone, how could she not start thinking of them as a couple? They’d seen their baby for the first time together. They were shopping for cribs now.

This was heavy-duty stuff.

His throat went tight, and he tried to stuff down his feelings as Soleil talked to a salesperson about having the crib delivered to her house.

He could feel his future taking shape for the first time. Until now, he’d lived his life in the moment. He’d lived for the thrill of his work and nothing more, but now…

Now he had something bigger to live for. And his baby was depending on him to make a plan, to think about the future, to be responsible in a way he’d never been called upon to be before.

He knew what he had to do. So many things made sense now that didn’t before. Soleil and him-they had a lot to decide, and at the same time, all the decisions were obvious.

He didn’t want to play it cool. He wanted to make sure Soleil understood that they were supposed to be together. No more taking his time, giving her space, or any of that crap.

He was going to make them a family, the way they were supposed to be.

SOLEIL ALLOWED the motion of the car to lull her into a trance as they rode back to Promise. She was surprised at what a good day she and West had had together. She could even imagine them working well together as parents. No, that was probably pregnancy hormones getting the best of her.

She cast a glance at him, then looked away again quickly before he could make eye contact.

Could they be happy together?

Was it really so preposterous an idea?

Soleil believed romantic notions were mostly societal constructs designed to keep men and women in traditional roles. They persisted because they served to keep civilization intact. They didn’t necessarily serve any individual-and certainly not any female individual-well.

But what about the baby?

Her gut wrenched. That was the reason the societal constructs existed. Family units were good for raising babies. The individual was supposed to be overshadowed by the needs of the child.

She felt again as if some vital part of herself was slipping away. What if she ceased to recognize herself at all?

If she was committed to West, would any part of the real her be able to survive?

He was the strongest man she’d ever been with. And, she had to admit, she was used to being the strong, dominant one in the relationship. That was part of the reason she and West had butted heads so frequently in the summer.

But was her sense of self really so fragile that she couldn’t be involved with a strong man who didn’t agree with her on every damn issue?

Hell, no.

“You’re being awfully quiet over there. Anything bothering you?” West asked, breaking the silence.

“Oh, um, no.”

He glanced in her direction but said nothing.

“Okay, yeah. I’m thinking about, you know, how things are going to work, once the baby arrives.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s complicated,” she said, stating the obvious.

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Maybe he was right.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly.

“It’s been nice, spending the day with you. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course, you can come to the next-” She stopped, realizing too late that he wouldn’t be around for the next one.

“You can call and tell me about it if I’m not here.”

If I’m not here.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, we have to work out some way to share custody of the baby, right?”

“But you’re in the air force.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I could get assigned to Travis Air Force Base. Then I’d only be a few hours away and could commute here on weekends.”

“Really? That’s a possibility?”

“I have no idea. Honestly, it would probably be a career-ending move for me. I need to go overseas next to stay competitive for promotion.”

Soleil kept her gaze glued on the passing scenery. Her eyes stung, though. She didn’t like to hear West putting his career first, which was ridiculous since she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear him say he was moving to Promise, either.

“What about you?” he said. “What does your ideal future look like?”

She sighed. “It used to look pretty much like my present looks now. I love the farm. It’s been the happiest place in my life ever since I was a little kid visiting my grandparents there.”

“So you want your own child to experience it, too.”

“Of course.”

“I don’t know what my ideal future looks like now. With a kid, do you even get to hope for ideal? Or do you simply hope for healthy and safe?”

“I’ve never had to think about it before.”

“Neither have I.”

In that, at least, they were united.

But it was cold comfort, and Soleil didn’t dare to hope for anything more right now.