Baby Under The Mistletoe

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

JULIA HAD TAKEN to avoiding her computer entirely. After her first date with Frank, she’d lost the nerve to respond to his calls or e-mails. She felt terrible about it, but she’d feel even worse if she were going on dates and falling in love while her ex-husband sat with mashed potatoes crusted on his face and no one allowed near to tell him he needed to wipe his mouth.

These were the kind of humiliating issues he faced on a day-to-day basis now. A once-great man-albeit an impossible one-reduced to childhood problems.

Okay, maybe she was crazy. Or maybe she was a coward. But Frank surely couldn’t have been as perfect as he seemed. She was simply saving herself the trouble of a big letdown later.

She was too old for romance anyway. That was a notion best reserved for the young and foolish.

But still…She felt terrible when she thought of Frank.

So, she stayed away from her computer and cringed when she checked her voice mail.

It was Julia’s night off from General duty while West stayed with his father. She was hosting her annual Christmas party in four more days, and some people would be RSVPing via e-mail, so she had to go online.

This year, she was in no mood to host, but it was a party she always threw, and people looked forward to it. She couldn’t let them down. Being with John again put her in a terrible mood, frankly. She could hardly stand herself the past few days.

She reluctantly sat at her desk and started scanning her in-box for responses, studiously trying not to look at the couple of messages from Frank Fiorelli, which she hadn’t even opened yet.

But curiosity finally got to her, and she clicked on the most recent one.

Dear Julia,

I’m sorry I haven’t heard from you. Regardless of whatever changed your mind about seeing me again, I want you to know I think you’re a lovely person. It was my pleasure to meet you, and I wish you a life filled with love and joy.

Yours,

Frank

Shame washed over her. She’d never ignored a letter in her life, and it nearly killed her to do so now. What was she to say? Oh, sorry, but I’ve been too busy taking care of my ex-husband to go on a date with you.

Nothing made sense, and it all seemed like proof that she was too old to date. At her age, women were caring for their aging husbands, not having coffee-shop meet-ups with their online-dating buddies.

Have a nice life, Frank Fiorelli, she thought. I’m sorry I won’t be a part of it.

WEST CLOSED the gate on the goats, who were staring at him warily with their strange eyes through the four-rail fence. He bent to give Silas a rub, and the dog seemed to smile at him.

He’d shown up at the crack of dawn to get the animals taken care of because he wanted to do it then leave, to make the point to Soleil that he wasn’t coming around to see her, that he really, genuinely wanted to help.

Okay, maybe there was something a little dishonest there. Because he did want to see her. But this was their baby’s future he was fighting for. He had to do whatever it took to make sure Soleil accepted him as more than some “coparent” who saw his kid on holidays and vacations.

He’d never imagined himself to be the kind of guy who’d enjoy agricultural work, or living on a farm, but he found himself wanting to be here far more than he wanted to be at his mother’s or father’s house right now. That probably had more to do with the people in each location than anything else. And the physical labor allowed him to focus all his energy on something besides brooding over his problems.

Being here gave him a glimpse of a life he might have lived, had he had different parents, a different upbringing and different career aspirations.

He crossed the lawn to the house and stopped on the porch to remove his work boots. Soleil was inside doing something in the kitchen, he could see through the window, and he wanted to say a quick hello before heading to his father’s house.

Also, he’d made an appointment for a tour at a nearby nursing home tomorrow, and he wasn’t sure he could go there alone. Since his mother would never forgive him for even considering the place, he couldn’t ask her to go.

He knocked, and after a few seconds Soleil opened the door.

“Wow, thank you so much,” she said. “You didn’t have to get here to do chores so early.”

“It’s really nice here at dawn, with the mist hanging over the hills. I enjoyed it.”

She smiled. “Yeah, it is beautiful.”

Another thing he loved about Soleil-how passionate she was about her farm. It was hard to imagine her living anywhere else. Which certainly made a strong point in favor of her never wanting to join him in a military life.

“Would you like to have some breakfast?”

“Thanks, I’d love to, but I have to get back to my dad.”

“Maybe next time.”

“I was hoping you might do me a favor,” he said.

“Um, sure. What is it?”

“I’m supposed to tour a nursing home tomorrow, and-”

“I’ll go with you,” she said solemnly.

“Thanks. I’ll be here early to tend the animals, and then we’ll leave around ten?”

“Sure.”

West wanted to come up with more to talk about, to stay, linger over breakfast, take her upstairs and make love to her the way he had the day before. He’d hardly been able to sleep last night, he’d been so tormented by memories of her body.

Being with her felt like where he belonged, and the farther he was away from her, the more unsettled he seemed to feel.

But he needed to be at to his dad’s house. His mother was under more strain than she’d been willing to admit, and he didn’t like leaving her alone with his father for long.

“Well,” he said, ending their awkward silence. “I’d better get going.”

They said their goodbyes, and he left. Once at his dad’s, he found his mother looking even more tense than she had the day before.

She was in the front yard, her shirt stained with what looked like orange juice, attempting to wind up the garden hose.

“What’s going on?”

“After your father flung his juice at me over breakfast, he came out here and claimed he needed to wash the car. All he did was spray the cat with the hose.”

“Where is he now?”

“Inside, listening to the damn radio again.”

Damn? His mother had said damn? She never used profanity.

Ever.

“Mom, why don’t you take a break and let me handle this for a while.”

“I’m fine,” she said, sounding anything but.

“Why did he throw his drink at you?”

“Because I told him we’re divorced.”

West sighed. “Do you think it’s a good thing that you’re here, and he thinks you’re still his wife?”

“What can it hurt?”

“You, for one.”

“I said I’m fine. Now leave it alone, West.”

He took a step back, reeling at her tone. He felt five years old again, being chastised for breaking the Tiffany lamp that she’d inherited from her grandmother.

“Mom, tell me the truth. Why are you putting up with all this?”

West started helping her wind up the garden hose, but she stopped and looked at him, her expression grimmer than ever.

“You’ll understand someday, when you look back over your life and see that you’ve been married to someone most of your adult years.”

“You’re not married to him anymore.”

She sighed and took the wound up hose from him, then carried it to the edge of the house and hung it where it belonged. When she returned, she placed a hand on his arm. “This must be confusing for you, me here with your father.”

“This isn’t about me.”

But maybe it was, a little bit. He couldn’t deny that it felt weird, having his mother and father together again.

“You’re right, it isn’t, and I hope you’ll understand that I feel I need to help your father.”

“He’s getting worse, Mom. Can’t you see that?”

She frowned, and he knew she’d seen it, too. “I can’t let your father be cared for by strangers,” she said, her voice growing unsteady. “And if you were the kind of man your father and I raised you to be, you wouldn’t, either.”

His mother rarely lost her temper, and she insulted people even less frequently. Her words stung him like a slap.

Before he could respond, she turned on her heel and marched into the house.

He stared after her, weighing his options. In the end, he went inside because he had to make sure his father wasn’t hurling things at her or hitting her. And really, he didn’t have anywhere else to go.

THE NEXT DAY, West was relieved to get away from his parents’ weird dynamic and set off to the farm again. He went about the morning chores with even more relish than usual, and when he was done, he had breakfast with Soleil. Then the two of them rode together to the nursing home on the far edge of Promise.

“Are your siblings willing to help at all with your dad’s care?” Soleil asked as they passed the sign for the home.

“Both of my brothers are refusing to deal with the situation. They think things are okay as they are, with Dad chasing away his caregivers. And now that Mom has stepped in, I don’t see how I can convince them that they should be anything but complacent.”

“Does your mom like to being the martyr?”

West had never thought of it that way. There wasn’t any other way to explain her actions now. Loyalty should only go so far.

He turned the car into the nursing home parking lot and found a spot near the door. No, not a nursing home, the sign on the front of the building reminded him. A residential-care facility. Could they make it any more sterile sounding?

He sighed. “This is supposed to be the best place in the area,” he said, sounding even less enthusiastic than he felt.

“I did an internship that involved visiting nursing homes while I was working toward my master’s in social work. I know a few things to look for, to see if they’re a good facility, I mean.”

West sighed, his stomach twisting up at the thought of putting his dad in this place.

This was not a fitting setting for the last years of a great man’s life, or at least it didn’t look like it judging by the squat stucco structure. The building seemed nice enough, spread out before them like a ranch house on steroids. The lawn and trees were carefully groomed, dotted with benches where residents could sit and enjoy the scenery. Except no one was outdoors, and everything was eerily still, as if death hovered nearby, waiting to claim its next victim.

“Come on,” Soleil said, placing a hand on his thigh to shake him out of his stupor. “We’re here. We may as well get out of the car and see what it’s like in there.”

West blinked, looked down at her hand, then up at her. She gave him an encouraging smile.

“If we sit here much longer,” she said, “we’re the ones who’re going to be spending our golden years here, not your dad.”

He was suddenly overcome with gratitude that she’d agreed to come with him. It had been a long time since he’d had someone in his life he could rely on in tough times, and he’d never felt about one of those people how he felt about Soleil, the woman who was carrying his child.

Okay, this wasn’t exactly the time to let his thoughts go off in that direction.

He got out. When they entered the building, a scent of air freshener mingled with urine and cafeteria food assaulted them, and West had to force himself not to turn and walk out the door. To the right was a reception desk, where a blond woman had her head bent over some work, and to the left was a lobby and sitting area, where a television squawked, its volume up a little too high, to accommodate the hard of hearing, presumably.

Elderly residents in various phases of immobility were scattered about, arranged either facing the TV or facing the large picture window that looked out on the parking lot. A few people, not in wheelchairs, had clearly gotten to the lobby by their own means or with the assistance of walkers. These would be his dad’s peers.

West approached the reception desk, but Soleil spoke for him.

“Hi,” she said. “We’re here to take a tour of the facility.”

West looked around as she continued talking to the receptionist. His gaze landed on a man sitting with his back to the rest of the people in the room. He was the only person not looking at the TV or out the window. Instead, he was staring somewhat vacantly at West, as if he recognized him but couldn’t quite place him.

“Hi,” West said, taking a few tentative steps closer. “Do I know you?”

“You’re Michael,” the man said. “My great-grandson, right?”

This man was probably twenty years older than West’s father, at least. In fact, most of the people here looked ancient compared to the General. It was some kind of cruel joke that his mind was failing him so early, while his body was still relatively strong and healthy.

West sat next to the man. He still had a bit of something white and crusty on his lower lip and chin, probably from breakfast, and up close, he smelled as if he could use a bath.

“How do you like living here?” West asked, ignoring the case of mistaken identity.

“In this shithole?” the man said. “When are you going to get me out of here?”

West wasn’t quite sure how to answer that one.

“You know,” the man continued. “They steal my stuff. My gold watch disappeared last week, and a couple of months ago my wedding ring vanished from my nightstand. How do you like that? First you take away my house, and my car, and you put me in this goddamn prison-”

“Mr. Doran,” a nurse said, approaching from the hallway. “Is there a problem?”

“This is my great-grandson,” he answered, introducing West.

“Actually, I’m not related to him. I’m afraid it’s a case of mistaken identity.”

“Oh? Are you my tour?”

West nodded. “West Morgan,” he said, standing and extending his hand to the nurse.

She shook his hand, looking puzzled. “Susan Lieberman. I’m the assistant director here. Didn’t you bring your father for the tour?”

“That would not go over well. He’s suffering from Alzheimer’s and is generally resistant to anything new.”

Susan nodded sympathetically. “Say no more. It can be difficult helping a resistant family member transition to a new living situation, especially when dementia is involved.”

A new living situation was about as euphemistic a way as she could have said it. Transitioning to life in prison without parole would have been more accurate.

Soleil, who’d disappeared into the restroom next to the reception desk, returned. She searched West’s gaze to see how he was doing, and he felt instantly comforted that she was there, looking out for him. It was kind of ridiculous how much one little look from her could bolster him.

“Shall we get started?” Susan said.

She and Soleil introduced themselves, but when it was time to follow Susan down the hallway, he couldn’t make his feet move. He looked over at the man next to him, Mr. Doran, the nurse had called him, and he tried to imagine his father sitting there instead.

No, he couldn’t.

He shook his head.

Soleil caught his eye, her expression growing more concerned. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“I have to get out of here.”

She frowned and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” she said to the nurse. “We’re going to have to come back another time.”

West didn’t hear what the woman said next because Soleil was escorting him out the door, into the cool air that thankfully smelled nothing like urine or cafeteria food.

She guided him to a bench, where he sat gratefully.

“You looked like you were about to pass out in there.”

“I-I can’t put my dad in that place.”

“Are you sure? It may not seem ideal, but trying to care for him on your own might be more difficult than you can imagine right now.”

“I’m sure.”

They sat in silence, staring across the empty lawn, as the people inside were probably staring at them.

“Thank you,” West finally said.

“For what?”

“For being here, for dragging me out of there, for keeping your head when I lost my cool.”

“That’s what friends are for,” she said.

Friends. Not lovers, but friends. Any other time, he might have taken offense and pouted at the distinction, but right now he understood that Soleil was a friend. If that’s what she wanted to call herself, it was fine by him.