Back in Bliss

Chapter Ten

Logan walked back out of the bedroom with a knot in the pit of his stomach. Seth was in the shower with Georgia, and they weren’t just getting clean. They were getting dirty.

He’d stood there with the mug in his hand. It wasn’t like he’d managed to get the coffee thing going. He’d given up and walked across the yard to knock on Nell and Henry’s door and beg them for coffee. He needed to bring something to Georgia, and he’d proven yesterday that he couldn’t handle himself in the kitchen.

He’d walked back in hoping to wake her up with the smell of organic coffee, but he’d heard her laugh and then he’d heard Seth groaning.

They were together without him and that was good. That was how it should be because he was their trainer. He wasn’t a permanent member of the family. He was going to teach Seth how to top Georgia, and then he would likely be invited to their private collaring ceremony or their wedding.

One minute the mug was fulfilling its purpose and the next Logan was covered in coffee and there were ceramic pieces everywhere. Motherfucker. He was hell on glassware in this place.

And he had a bone to pick with Nell. That coffee wasn’t cruelty-free. It was hot as hell.

He jogged into the kitchen and wiped down his forearms. Damn it to hell. He’d wrecked his shirt. He had to change. He was going to be late.

Seth was fucking Georgia, and he couldn’t walk in there and take what he wanted because he was just the fucking trainer. He hadn’t slept next to her because he was just the fucking trainer.

And he’d dreamed about it again. He’d woken up in a cold sweat, his heart slamming in his chest and a strangled scream in his throat. He’d taught himself to not scream, to stay quiet. To keep his fucking mouth shut. Even when the asshole had taken to burning him over and over again. Sometimes he could still feel those burns biting into his flesh. The pain would flare at first and then it would almost go away, but that was just his nerves overloading. They would come back online and he would feel a little circle of pain. And he wouldn’t scream.

But he still woke up every night, no matter how much he talked about it with Leo or how much time he spent working out to completely exhaust himself.

Leo couldn’t do his job properly because you never told him what really got to you. You never told him who the real villain of the piece was.

He ripped open his shirt and was so happy to see the stain was on his tank as well. When he fucked up, it went straight to the bone. He reluctantly tugged it off, too, eager to get the soaked fabric off his skin.

He needed to get that damn mug off the floor and then he needed to hightail it out of here. He couldn’t sit with them and watch Georgia and Seth hold hands and glow at each other.

The doorbell rang. Fuck a duck. They could wait. Hell, whoever it was could just go away. He didn’t need company.

“Son? Logan? Are you in there?”

He seriously considered running, but his momma was too fast. And apparently Seth had given her a key. Momma Marie strode in. She never simply walked. She swaggered like she was the lead in an old-school Western, and there was some truth to that since she was usually packing a handgun somewhere on her body.

“Hey, Momma. How is everything going?” God, he loved that woman, and she still scared the holy pee out of him at times. When she walked in the room, he was twelve years old again and praying his momma didn’t find out all the dumb crap he did.

She could never, never know what he’d been willing to do.

“Is he in there?” A softer voice followed. Mom. Teeny Green stepped in the room carrying a big basket. She’d aged. Somehow in his head she was always the same vibrant woman she’d been when he was a kid, but there was no way to miss the lines around her eyes or the steel in her hair. She was a slight woman, her bones tiny, but he knew how strong she was. She was a woman who wouldn’t break. Not ever.

Yeah, she couldn’t know either.

“Logan.” Pure pleasure tinted his mother’s voice. She set the basket down and walked right up to him, throwing her arms around his chest.

“Ma, I’m covered in coffee.”

“I don’t care. It’s so good to see you. I can’t believe you’re here.” His mom squeezed him tight.

“I can’t believe he’s been here for two days and he didn’t think to come by the house to say hello.” Momma Marie always got straight to the point.

Guilt bit at him. He’d started to drive home, but he’d found himself pointing the truck here because he couldn’t step back into the house he’d grown up in, couldn’t be surrounded by the evidence of his childhood. That dumbass Logan who had read comic books and played online games and pretended to be a hero had died on Nate’s desk, and the Logan who had been left behind couldn’t stand to be reminded of what he’d lost.

“I’m sorry. I got in late, and Nate needed me at the station house. I tried calling the house, but no one answered. I was going to come over after my shift this afternoon. I promise.”

Momma Marie’s eyes narrowed as though she could see right through him. “And you’re here in this monstrosity of a house why? Your momma cleaned up your room and got everything real nice for you when she found out you were coming home.”

He couldn’t back down from that particular fight. “Mom, I’m an adult. I can’t live at home. I need my space.”

“It also looks like you need laser tattoo removal, son.” Momma Marie was shaking her head like she was ready to go and grab a laser herself.

“The tat stays, Ma.” He heard the growl in his voice. He was never getting rid of that ink.

“Fine, it’s a generational thing,” Momma Marie said. “But you don’t need to stay here. You’re going to come home where we can take care of you.”

“I’m taking care of him.”

Logan winced a little at the sound of that soft voice. Georgia. She was standing in the hallway dressed in a tank top and stretchy pants that molded to her every curve. Her hair was still wet, and she wasn’t wearing an ounce of makeup. She looked younger and more vulnerable than he could remember her being. She was a brat of the first order, but she would wilt under Momma Marie’s gruffness. There was no contest.

“You’re after my boy?”

Georgia’s brows drew together. “Marie? Are you the one I talked to on the phone that day? You called the Willow Fork police and helped save me?”

His ma lit up. “Marie, do you know this girl? Oh, my heavens. Are you that sweet girl who got caught in the slavery ring?”

Georgia shook her head. “I didn’t because Ms. Marie called in the cops.” She smiled and the whole fucking room lit up. She walked right up to the scariest woman in Bliss County and wrapped her arms around her. “Thank you so much, Ms. Marie. You really saved me.”

To his eternal surprise, his gruffest momma hugged Georgia back. “No need to thank me. I got the cookie bouquet. It was real nice, darlin’. Now tell me what you’re doing here. I thought you took some big job in New York City.”

“She’s with me, Momma Marie.” Seth had put on a pair of jeans, but he’d managed to place them somewhere around his hips so all the douchebag parts were exposed like he was some sort of male model. “Nice tat, brother. I think I should get one, too.”

Georgia turned, her eyes going straight to his left pec. “OMG!”

“It stands for Green.” He was reaching. “I did it in honor of my mother. I’m going to get a W on the other side.”

His mom shook her head. “I never much liked the last name Green. I kept it because it connected me to you, but I have to say, it’s not the best last name.”

“Yeah, it stands for Green.” Seth shook his head, his eyes rolling slightly.

“Hello to the house,” a familiar voice called out. Henry. Awesome. He would be bringing Nell with him. Yeah, the house was filling up.

“Teeny, Marie,” Nell said as she walked in. “It’s so nice to see you.”

Nate walked behind Nell, his uniform in perfect condition. “Morning, y’all. I was talking to Henry and Nell about their upcoming protest schedule and it seemed like a nice time to come see this new property.”

In other words, Nate was curious.

Georgia went straight to that obnoxious coffeemaker. “Can I get anyone some coffee? I’ll start breakfast if you want some.”

Mom shook her head. “I brought some muffins. Enough for everyone. Seth, hon, I made your favorite. Chocolate chip.”

“Sweet.” Seth just sat down at the bar like the whole damn world wasn’t going out of control. “Sheriff Wright, I’m Seth Stark.”

Nate got the widest grin. “Hey! Thanks for the rides, man. Four Escalades. We love them. The Broncos kept breaking down, and I couldn’t get the mayor to open the purse strings to buy us new vehicles.”

“No problem, man. I was happy to do it.” Seth hopped on to his barstool, his eyes straying to Georgia.

“Stef was so pissed when he figured out someone else had bought the department new vehicles.” Nate grabbed a muffin. He was never one to turn down food. “He immediately wrote the department a check so I have the sweetest new chair. It’s like a recliner masquerading as an office chair. I can actually sleep in it. It’s perfect. And the first person who has sex in my chair is going to jail. I’m putting it on the damn books. It’s a law. No screwing in the sheriff’s chair.”

“I don’t know if I think that’s right, Nathan.” Nell was shaking her head. “Your chair is truly county property. I think the taxpayers have a certain right to have access to that chair.”

“No, they damn straight don’t, Nell. That chair is now sacred to me. I have the right to sit in a chair that wasn’t a place of conception.”

Nell and Nate were arguing whether taxpayer money gave the citizens of Bliss the right to use Nate’s new chair as a cheap motel. Henry started talking to Seth, and both of his mommas began a long slow circle around Georgia, who was powering up the coffeemaker and sliding in a little cup. She smiled up at his Ma like she didn’t know what was about to happen.

“Tell me, Georgia, are you sleeping with my boy?”

“Momma!” He didn’t have to take this. He was an adult. Damn it.

“I have the right to know,” Momma Marie insisted.

“No, I am not sleeping with him.” Georgia looked up to his mother, her blue eyes wide. “He made love to me and then refused to sleep in the same bed. I have to admit it did make me wonder if maybe I wasn’t skilled enough. I haven’t been with many men, Ms. Marie. Do you think he would have slept with me if I was better in bed?”

Seth choked on his muffin. “Holy hell.”

Momma Marie’s eyes, which just a moment ago had been narrowed in suspicion toward the woman she’d discovered in his place, now turned to Logan’s with a cold disapproval. “I raised you better than that, son. How can you take this sweet young thing and use her like that?”

“I slept with her.” Seth put his hand up like they were fucking five and he had the right answer to the teacher’s question. “I cuddled her all night long.”

Georgia didn’t even blush. She just gave Seth the sweetest smile. Logan hoped her backside hurt. She was going to get another spanking. Little brat. Damn, why did he go so fucking crazy for her every time she trumped him? She was a righteous bitch, and everything that was male inside of him responded to her. It was right there, the deep desire to walk up to her and put his stamp on her in front of his mommas. But he couldn’t.

“Ma, it’s not some great romance. It’s a training relationship. I told you what I was doing in Dallas. I’m just doing it here now.” He said it with as little emotion as he could. The last thing he needed was a fight with his mommas.

“Training?” his ma started.

Teeny put a hand on Momma Marie’s arm. “Let it be for now, Marie. He’s home. He’s safe here with Seth.”

His ma backed down, but those eyes narrowed again. “All right, but I don’t like the idea of him training girls, and Seth doesn’t look like he needs any training at all. What is wrong with those jeans, Seth? You’re about to fall out of them. Can’t you afford jeans that properly fit?”

Thank god. She was off and complaining about Seth’s jeans and the fact that he looked like a douchebag male model. Georgia passed him a mug of coffee. “Well played. Do you have another uniform or should I see if I can get the stain out of this one?”

It was too sweet, too domestic, the idea of Georgia washing his clothes after she’d just made him coffee. He took the mug because he couldn’t turn her down again. Not after yesterday, but he wasn’t about to let her think she had to take care of him. “No. I’ve got five sets. I’ll wash this one later. Thanks.”

He practically ran down the hall to the room he’d been bunking in. He shut the door behind him and thought seriously about getting in his truck and heading out. Maybe if he went somewhere no one knew him, had no expectations of him, maybe he could find some peace. Maybe he could forget.

But his feet moved to the closet, and before he knew it, he was dressed again and ready to start a rousing day of dealing with tourists, talking down the crazies, and keeping threesomes off of Nate’s new chair.

He picked up his hat and looked into the mirror. Sometimes he didn’t recognize the face that looked back at him. He was older and harder.

His mother had looked so frail. He’d been her boy for so many years, her only child, and he’d walked away and barely said a word to her for a year. How much of the new gray in her hair was his fault? How many of the lines around her mouth were from frowning over his fate?

How much more would he disappoint her?

He couldn’t walk back into that little cabin he’d lived in all his life. That cabin had been full of love. Even when they’d struggled, he always knew his parents loved each other. They’d stood by each other, hands entwined. They’d tried to raise him so right.

What was so flawed in him that he’d failed that day?

“I like the blonde. She’s got spirit.” Momma Marie stood in the doorway looking in, her stern face frowning. He didn’t take that to heart. She always frowned, even when she was happy.

“I think Seth is going to be real happy with her.”

She shook her head. “Don’t try to fool me, son. And don’t even try to pass that tattoo off as a tribute to your last name. You know damn well the only reason I didn’t adopt you was for fear of your dad’s parents possibly using the fact that your momma was with me to take you away.”

Logan shrugged. “Maybe I’m more like him than you guys ever thought.”

He said it like it didn’t matter, like it was just a throwaway line to annoy his mother, but it was his secret fear. From all accounts, his father had been a brutal man. He’d taken out his anger on the sweetest woman to walk the earth, and it had only been Marie Warner’s stalwart love that had saved Logan from being raised by a killer.

Momma was suddenly in his space. Though she was four inches shorter than he was, she got right up on him, her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. “Don’t you ever say that. What the hell is wrong with you? Your father was a cold, calculating man. He couldn’t even love your mother. If you can’t love that woman, you can’t love anything in the world. I need you to start talking, son, because I get the feeling that if you don’t, I’m going to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He’d thought about it. He’d thought about it a whole lot that night at Hell on Wheels.

“But you’re not here, either.” Marie took a long breath and looked closer to crying than he’d ever seen her. “Logan, I don’t talk about myself much. I don’t see the point in it. But I need to talk to you about this now because I have to know that you’re going to be okay.”

He stopped breathing for a moment. His momma never talked like this. Never. “What’s happened?”

“I had some tests run. Damn Doc insisted on it and Teeny finally made me go in. I haven’t told her this because I don’t want to worry her. My heart is failing. Doc says if I don’t change my ways, I’ll have a heart attack in a year or two. If you weren’t in trouble, I wouldn’t mention it, but I need to know you’ll be here for Teeny when I go.”

Momma Marie? No. She was stronger than anything. She couldn’t have a weak heart. She couldn’t. It was always so strong, so damn steady. Panic threatened to set in. He couldn’t imagine a world where Marie Warner didn’t stand tall and proud. It shook the very foundation he depended on. “You need to do what Doc tells you. What did he say? Did he give you guidelines? You have to tell Ma.”

If she needed to change her diet, then that was what would happen. She did tend to treat a pound of bacon like an appetizer.

Her chin firmed stubbornly. “I am not telling your ma. And yes, Doc gave me all kinds of things I can’t do anymore. If I follow his advice, I’ll end up eating Nell’s cooking from now on. I don’t think this old dog can learn any new tricks.”

She wasn’t taking this seriously at all. “You damn well can and Ma will help you. We all need to sit down with Doc and talk about this. You have to change. We need you.”

She shrugged a little. “Well, we need you, too, but you don’t seem ready to try to change, son.”

Oh, he was surrounded by devious women. “Momma, you can’t put that on me. And I am changing. I have a steady job and I haven’t beaten the shit out of anyone in months. I’m trying.”

“No, you’re not. You’re biding your time. I might have a weak heart, but my eyes work just fine. You’re in love with that girl and you’re going to let Seth walk off with her. Do you think I don’t know that you and Seth always planned to find a girl and settle down? You’ve practically got her name tattooed over your heart, Logan. But you say you’re just ‘training’ her? The way I figure it, it’s all the same really. It’s hard to do the work it takes to fix what’s gone wrong. You’re so young and strong. I’m not. If you can’t do it, there’s no damn hope for someone like me. That’s how I see it.”

His stomach flipped over. She was putting him in a horrible position. She was shoving him in a corner, but he wasn’t going to be the only one hurt if he didn’t come out of it. “You can’t do this. This is blackmail. You can’t put your whole damn life on the line.”

“For my son? Oh, for my son I can do anything. You don’t have a drop of my blood in you, Logan. But I put my soul in you. You think I won’t fight? I’ll fight and I’ll die if I have to, but I won’t leave you to this. I won’t. I don’t show it the way Teeny does, but I love you. You’re the best thing I ever did, and I’ll bet everything on you.” She patted his arm and took a step back. “I’m going to get to know your girl. I think we’ll have a lot in common. Both of us are waiting for you to wake up and realize that this life means more than what happened to you. What we gave you, the life we made for you…it means more, Logan. I have to believe that a lifetime of love means more than three hours of pain. I have to.” His momma took a step back, her face set in stubborn lines. “I think you need to stay here at home. You’ve done all the work you can there. I think you need to find a way to forgive Alexei Markov. You can’t move on until you do.”

He felt his jaw tighten, his hands becoming fists at the mere mention of the man’s name. “I can say the words all day if you want me to.”

“The words don’t mean anything if you can’t let go of that hate that’s in your heart.” She was almost to the door. He was almost home free. And she turned. “I want you to ask yourself some hard questions, Logan. If you love that girl in there and she was in danger, would you put Seth in the same position if it was the only way to save your girl? You don’t have to answer me. Just think on it.”

“We’re going to have to talk about your health, Momma. You can’t keep this from Ma.” She couldn’t just walk away from this.

“Well, I guess if you want to tell your ma about this, you’re just going to have to come out to the house and have a long talk. I think we have a lot to talk about, Logan.”

She turned and walked out, and Logan could hear the laughter coming from the kitchen. Seth said something and he could hear Georgia and his ma break into peals of laughter. The smell of coffee wafted through the house. Muffins and coffee and his family. They were all within reach. All he had to do was walk out and they would welcome him and try to make him comfortable.

But they couldn’t because his momma was right. He couldn’t feel at home here. He’d chosen to sleep alone in this room where his damn feet hung off the bed. Not that he’d slept much. When he wasn’t dreaming about what had happened, he’d been sitting up wondering what the hell he was going to do.

Logan moved away from the door and turned to his window. It was typical of the whole house with its spectacular view of the river. He stared out. This was exactly the place he and Seth had talked about building when they were teens. He remembered it like it was yesterday. They had sat by the river and talked about finding a wife and how they would build a life here in Bliss after they both got out of college. Seth was going to move down here after graduation, but that hadn’t happened. After Seth had gotten perfect scores on his SATs, MIT had come calling and then he’d built his business and Logan had refused to let Seth pay for his college.

And somewhere along the way they had drifted apart, except Seth didn’t seem to notice that they were on two different planes of existence. Seth seemed to think that all he had to do was waltz into town, build a dream home, and offer Georgia up on a platinum platter, and Logan would fall in line.

Logan set his forehead against the windowpane. It was smooth and cool. He was stuck, and he was rapidly discovering that he had a choice to make. His momma couldn’t be serious. She couldn’t. Except Momma Marie never lied. She couldn’t be bothered.

If she was sick, he would have to stay, and if he stayed, he wasn’t sure he could watch Seth and Georgia get married and settle down.

He had to figure a way out of this corner.

He caught a glimmer off the river, a little glint that told him someone was watching. He brought his head up, his eyes focusing on a spot across the river. It was nothing but forest past the water. National forest land with deeply restricted hiking and camping protocols. Logan expected bears and moose and elk to walk out from there, but not humans with cameras—or scoped rifles.

Nothing else would make that glint. Nothing natural.

Someone was watching the house. Someone was taking pictures or taking aim. One of the two.

Logan damn well intended to find out.