Back in Bliss

Chapter Two

“Earth to Logan. Come in, Logan.”

Logan Green opened his eyes and frowned up at Leo Meyer, who should know better than to interrupt a nice nap. He glanced over at the clock on the wall. It was barely three in the afternoon. He didn’t have to be on the dungeon floor until nine. He had hours and hours to sleep. He just probably shouldn’t have tried to do it during a counseling session. “It’s your fault, man. This couch is comfy.”

Leo frowned. “Blame Shelley. She insisted on redoing my office. She said it wasn’t patient-friendly enough.”

Leo’s office before had been a whole bunch of Asian stuff and weird rock garden tables. There was still a waterfall on the wall, but the rest of the room had been transformed into something infinitely comfortable and yet wholly masculine. Logan yawned. “I don’t know that I need this anymore, Doc.”

The talking thing just didn’t work for him. Talking about shit just made him antsy. Now working the dungeon floor soothed him. Leo had been right about that. He’d managed to find a happy place where he could tie up a sub and spank a sub’s ass and send her on her way and everyone was satisfied.

“I asked you a question, Logan. The customary reaction to having a question posed to you would be replying with an answer not a snore. Have you had your sinuses examined? I think there might be something wrong with you.”

Logan grinned. He’d always been a snorer. It didn’t bug him at all since he didn’t have to listen to himself. “I’ll check into that, Doc. Are we done here?”

Leo frowned in a way that let Logan know he was rapidly losing patience. “I asked about the women you’ve been topping in the club. I was asking about any trouble you might have had.”

Logan sat up. The one thing he took seriously these days was his job. “Did someone complain?”

His brain raced, trying to come up with a name. He hadn’t had problems with anyone since he’d taken on the full-time Dom job after he’d left Kitten duty. He had several regulars, and he was starting to work with Wolf on training the new staff, both tops and bottoms. He’d never had a single complaint that he knew of.

“Yes, several of the women have been complaining,” Leo explained.

He was a damn good Dom. He took care of his charges. He felt a fierce frown cross his face. “I haven’t done anything bad. I’ve been very careful.”

“Yes, that’s the problem. They’ve been complaining that you won’t have sex with them.” A little smiled curved up Leo’s lips now. “Not on the record, of course, but Shelley’s been hearing it in the locker room. They’re calling you the Priest. You’ll hand out the discipline but you won’t take any pleasure.”

He couldn’t. He couldn’t get a fucking erection anymore if the woman wasn’t a gorgeous brat with blue eyes and blonde hair and the snarkiest mouth in the world. “I wasn’t aware I should do that.”

“I realize that you signed a contract to not have relations with Kitten, but she was a special case. The women who come here have been fully screened both psychologically and physically. You can fuck any one of them who consents.”

Logan groaned a little. “Do we really have to talk about this?”

“The women who come here tend to be looking for relaxation.”

“Dude, you make me sound like a hooker.”

“I believe the male equivalent is a gigolo, and now, obviously you aren’t being paid to have sex and you don’t have to have sex with someone to top them, but most men of your age would view The Club as a sexual free-for-all. I sure as fuck know I did.” Leo leaned forward. “Now would be a good time to point out that patient confidentiality works both ways.”

Logan nearly rolled his eyes. Leo didn’t want his almost wife to hear about his former life at The Club. “I’m sure you were a legend.”

“Maybe not a legend, but I did enjoy myself. After I got divorced, I cut quite a swath through the subs here. I didn’t take sex seriously until I met my fiancée. I negotiated a lot of sex with submissives. You don’t even talk about it with them. I have to admit, I was surprised. I expected you to become one of the dungeon studs. Is there something I don’t know?”

“No.” What the hell was he talking about? “Dude, I spent a summer fucking my way through half of Southern Colorado’s female population with your brother. I get it. You had a ton of fun when you weren’t like old and stuff.”

Leo wasn’t old. Leo was like thirty-five or something, but he also had his whole life together and was happily sharing a great woman with his brother and enjoying his dream job of fixing fucked-up people. Logan was one of those fucked-up dudes, so he felt the need to needle Leo about his age since it was all he had on the man.

“Nice, asshole. I’m not that old.” Leo wasn’t the most formal of shrinks. “And I’ve heard about your escapades with Wolf. That’s why I’m a little surprised you haven’t partaken of the pleasures offered here at The Club. I’ve heard Haven has been rather…persistent with you.”

Haven Welch. Sweet girl. Pretty. Thin. Glossy black hair. Deeply submissive. “She’s a nice girl. She’s been complaining?”

Leo snorted a little. “Dude, she practically presents to you every time you walk in a room. It’s disturbing. Seriously, you haven’t picked up those signs, yet?”

“Uhm, I just top her. She filled out a form, and I do what I’m supposed to do.” He hadn’t thought to go any further. Had he fucked up? He was really good at fucking up. He didn’t think of Haven as anything but a client. She wasn’t the girl who would spit bile at a man and pretend to toss his phone into a grove of fucking rosebushes. She wouldn’t push his every boundary and make him fucking hard at the thought of getting her on her knees in front of him. Yeah. He would make her beg for his cock. She would fucking know who her Master was when he was done with her.

“Or maybe you really like her. Wow, that is a massive erection,” Leo pointed out.

Fuck. Logan sat up, trying to shift so his cock wasn’t poking out of his sweat pants. Damn her. “I wasn’t thinking of Haven.”

“Were you, perhaps, thinking of Georgia Dawson?” Leo asked the question in an innocent tone of voice.

He wanted to growl and punch something. That was what Georgia brought out in him. Georgia Ophelia Dawson. He could still hear her in that oh-so-proper voice introducing herself to him like he was the hired help. She’d turned that button-cute nose up at him and proceeded to talk on her phone, ignoring him until she wanted him to pick something up or help her out of the car. She’d been a snot-nosed, brat princess.

Who had nearly melted for him because it was all an act. He could still feel her arms around him, clinging to him as she cried and thanked him for pulling her out of that hellhole she and Nat had been thrown into.

I didn’t think you would come for me. I wanted you, Logan. God, I prayed for you to come for me. Logan, Logan, I love you so much.

She’d sobbed into his shirt on their way to the hospital, and just for a minute, he’d thought about keeping her at his side. He could have collared her in a heartbeat. She needed a Dom so badly, wanted a real lover who wouldn’t let her get away with that bratty shit she pulled for attention. She was starved for real affection, and he’d thought about marrying her in that moment and realized he couldn’t. He couldn’t take her home to his moms. He couldn’t go home.

He was a ball of hate, and he couldn’t bring her into his world because any life here in Dallas was a half life.

Fuck it all. He wanted to go home, and he just couldn’t. He wanted Georgia more than his next breath, and he just couldn’t.

“That was a whole lot of emotions playing out over your face,” Leo said with a self-satisfied smile. “Good. We’re getting somewhere. So, this is about Georgia.”

“There’s nothing going on between me and Georgia.” Because he wouldn’t allow it to happen. He put his hand over his heart. The little memento he’d had inked over his left pec had done exactly what he’d wanted it to do. It reminded him that letting her go had been the best thing for her. And him? All he really deserved was that damn elaborate G he’d had tattooed on his body the day after she left. He’d made sure about the placement, though. It was hidden under the leather vest he wore, and he showered privately now. That G was his. No one else needed to know.

Leo sighed, a deeply patient sound. “We haven’t talked about that day.”

“Because there’s nothing to talk about.” Nothing Logan was willing to talk about. Georgia had been kidnapped, shot, and nearly sold to the highest bidder. The minute he’d known she was in danger, his whole fucking world had stopped. He’d thought he’d been through some serious shit. He’d been brutalized, his whole being boiled down to pain and survival, but he realized he hadn’t known real fear until Georgia had been put in the same position.

He’d been helpless, as helpless as he’d been when the fucking, goddamned, scum-sucking Russian mob had tied him down and beaten him until he’d begged for death. And thinking that Georgia was in the same position had been worse. And he couldn’t fucking talk about it.

“I’ve had sessions with Ben about that day,” Leo offered.

Logan shrugged. Ben was a talky, touchy-feely kind of guy. Ben had never been tied to a fucking desk and shown the truth of the world. Ben had never prayed that the next second was the last, the end to his pain. “Good for Ben. I hope he feels better.”

“I’ve had sessions with Chase.”

Yeah, that news made Logan feel like the freak of all time. Fuck. Chase Dawson was one of the world’s premier curmudgeons and he was talking about his feelings? Curmudgeon. He only knew the damn word because he’d had to help Seth with his SATs.

How long had it been since he’d talked to his best friend? How long was he going to avoid Seth’s calls because he didn’t want Seth to know just how low he’d sunk?

He’d told Seth everything. Every moment of his life since he was seven years old hadn’t been real until he’d talked to Seth about it. But that day in the sheriff’s office in Bliss, Colorado, had been hyperreal, and he couldn’t talk to Seth.

He’d sent Georgia away because he didn’t want her to know how fucked up he was. Was he going to drive Seth away, too? Would he end up with two tats on his body one day and absolutely no friends?

“Do you wonder where she is?” Leo asked.

Only every minute of every day and all night long, even when he managed to sleep. “She’s got a job somewhere. Dude, it doesn’t matter. She’s a Dawson. She’s rich and has a whole bunch of brothers and shit. She’ll be fine.”

“Really? What gave you that impression?”

A little bite of uncertainty flashed through him. Georgia was fine. She had to be. “Uhm, she’s a Dawson. They all have cash. She’s back in LA becoming some sort of star.”

She was beautiful enough to do it. One day he would be sitting in a movie theater and she would come on the screen, and he would tear up knowing that she had been the one and he’d been too screwed up to take her, to hold her, to make her his. The truth of the matter was she deserved way better than him. He’d found out just what a pathetic piece of shit he was that day.

A deeply sympathetic look crossed Leo’s face. “I don’t think you understand the Dawson clan. Georgia came here because she’d been cut off. She doesn’t have a dime to her name. She left here because she’d found a job in New York, but she wouldn’t let Ben pay for her way. She went there on a bus. Ben and Chase didn’t know about that. They were very upset. Do you know how expensive New York is?”

He couldn’t quite catch his breath. Georgia was in New York, and she didn’t have a metric shit ton of family money behind her? She was alone in a massive city? Where the fuck was she working? Panic threatened. He knew some people in New York. Seth was in New York. He could get Seth to find her.

“Where is she? Where is she working? I need her address.”

How fast could he be in New York? There was usually a red-eye out of DFW. He could likely be there by morning. Two hours to get to whatever hellhole she was in and ten fucking seconds to pull her out of there. They could be back in Dallas by tomorrow night.

And then what?

Leo’s eyes widened. “Do you understand just how creepy stalkery you sound right this second?”

Probably really creepy because the way he felt about Georgia wasn’t exactly normal. He didn’t just kind of worry and hope she was okay. It was a gnawing guilt in his gut. He tried to force himself to stay calm. He’d gotten really good at hiding what he felt. He was pretty sure no one knew he was screaming on the inside most of the time. “I’m just a little worried. She’s the sister of my friends. It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, I think it’s a huge deal. She’s the sister of your friends? Who do you think you’re fooling? Look man, you can’t consider yourself really crazy about a girl until you’ve walked that very slender line between ‘checking in’ and ‘stalking.’ Helpful tip—don’t carry a camera with you when you’re ‘checking in.’ It makes the cops crazy.”

Logan stood, running his hands through his hair. Half the time he couldn’t tell when Leo was joking and when he was serious. He was the most sarcastic bastard Logan had ever met, and Logan had met Zane Hollister. It was often best to just ignore Leo’s advice when it sounded like sitcom dialogue. “Dude, do you know if she’s all right? Have Ben and Chase not been checking in on her?”

He would be shocked if they hadn’t at least made sure she wasn’t on the street.

“Chill out. She’s fine. She landed a good job, and she’s living with her boss who just happens to be a billionaire.”

He felt his face flush, his heart drop. She’d been gone for six fucking months and she’d already found a billionaire and made her move? He could still see the tears in those crystal blue eyes as he’d pushed her away. Had they all been for show? And who moved in with their boss? A couple of nasty names flashed through his head, but he shoved them aside. She wasn’t like that. Not deep down. She was bratty and used that rich-girl persona like a shield, but she’d been sweet and supportive with Nat and Kitten. He’d watched her when she thought he hadn’t been looking.

Yeah, he’d done that a whole lot because the minute he’d gotten a look at that girl, he’d been hooked. It was a good thing he didn’t own a camera because he really could have turned into creepy-stalker guy.

Who the hell was this billionaire motherfucker? He had to be using her. “Is she engaged to him?”

He might be able to handle it if the asshole was actually marrying her.

“Not as far as I know. According to Chase, she moved in with this guy about a month after taking the job. Maybe she’s just being really hands on. She might not be sleeping with him. It does seem a little farfetched, though. She’s a lovely girl.”

She was the sexiest woman on the fucking planet. It had been the hardest thing in the world to keep his hands off her, but he’d done it because he knew he couldn’t give her what she needed. He’d done it because he cared about her. This rich bastard obviously had no such qualms. “And Chase just let this happen?”

What the hell was wrong with him? Logan could see Ben screwing up like that. Ben would be all “she’s an adult and needs to make her own decisions and we should support her.” Chase was more reasonable. Chase should have put a hit out on the guy like any good brother would.

“I believe Ben and Chase are visiting her this weekend along with the rest of their brothers,” Leo explained.

Thank god. He settled back into his chair. He’d only met Win Dawson once and he’d never met Mark and Drew at all, but Win would haul her ass out of there and he wouldn’t give a damn that it was the twenty-first century and women had rights. He would do what it took to protect his sister.

And who would save her the next time she got duped into a bad relationship? There it was. There was that nasty kernel of guilt. She needed a Dom. She needed a Master who would make sure she was all right. Her brothers couldn’t do that for her forever. She needed a lover, a keeper, a friend.

It was the last part that he wasn’t sure he could handle at this point. He could fuck her. God, he could very likely fuck her forever. He could top her in a heartbeat. He would love it.

But he wasn’t anyone’s friend now. It was precisely why he couldn’t go home, why he likely never would go back to his job.

Because he still couldn’t walk in that building without feeling the pain. He still couldn’t hold a gun in his hand without visions of blowing Alexei Markov’s head away.

“Good. I’m glad to hear Ben and Chase will take care of her.” Then he could try to steer Leo away from the subject.

“Do you want to tell me why you shoved Georgia away when it’s so obvious to everyone that you’re in love with her?”

Or Leo could just push through. Logan snorted. “I’m not in love with her.”

He wasn’t actually capable of that now. He sure as fuck wasn’t deserving. Something had gone wrong with him. Maybe it was his father’s DNA. His dad had been a piece of shit coward who beat his mom and sent her on the run. Only Marie Warner had been able to save them. Marie. His other mom.

How ashamed would she be if she really knew what had happened in that room?

“So Georgia doesn’t have anything to do with why you haven’t had sex in six months?”

Leo’s words forced him back to the shitastic here and now. “I don’t know that my sex life is any of your business.”

“It is. Everything is my business, Logan. I’m your therapist, but more than that, I’m your boss. You’re in a position of power as a Master in The Club, and I have to understand the rationale behind any major changes in your behavior. Before you met Georgia Dawson, you enthusiastically fucked just about any woman who would let you have her.”

It hadn’t been that bad. He’d enjoyed himself. “You make me sound like a manwhore.”

“If it fucks like a duck,” Leo snarked, “it’s usually a manwhore. Look, man, I told you I’ve talked to Wolf. I would have thought that maybe you preferred a ménage, but you had sex with plenty of women on your own here. So I have to wonder if you’re in love with Georgia Dawson, and then I wonder why you pushed her away.”

Because he’d never really walked out of Nate’s office. He was still tied down and dying, and he didn’t know how to get off that fucking desk.

Leo leaned forward. “Logan, talk to me. We’ve been doing this for almost a damn year, and we’ve never gotten to the heart of the problem.”

“The heart of the problem is that some asshole beat the shit out of me, and I won’t let it happen again.” He still couldn’t talk about it.

Leo shook his head slowly, leaning back. There was a calm about Leo that set Logan on edge. “No. That was the start. You’ve talked about everything that happened in clinical details, but you’ve never gotten down to the feelings behind it. And I’m pretty certain you’ve never once told me the whole story.”

Feelings? Loneliness. Despair. Helplessness. Weakness. “I felt pissed that I was getting my ass kicked.”

And no one needed to know the whole story. No one except Caleb. He hadn’t been able to hide anything from the doctor who had put him back together, but Caleb had kept his mouth shut.

“See, your words betray you, Logan. What happened to you went beyond a Saturday night fight. You’re still making light of it. Tell me why you don’t read comic books anymore.”

He rolled his eyes. “Because I’m not fucking twelve.”

“Logan, you weren’t twelve when you were reading comics. You read them up until that day and then you burned your whole collection. You can’t tell me that wasn’t a defining act.”

“How the fuck did you know that?” He’d done it in his backyard a few weeks after he’d gotten out of the hospital. He’d doused three long boxes with lighter fluid and set his whole collection on fire. Twenty years of collecting up in smoke because every single one of those books had lied. There were no heroes. Or at least he’d figured out he wasn’t one of them.

“I’ve had long conversations with all of your relatives and friends.”

Betrayal bit into his gut. “What about that whole patient-client confidentiality you mentioned earlier?”

“That’s only in play when it comes to me discussing my findings with them. They can talk about you all they like. I simply called and put a few questions to them, and then I listened. They were very eager to talk about you because they love you. Well, most of them. That doctor just hung up on me.”

Leo listening was a powerful thing. “I want you to stay away from my friends.”

“Are they your friends?” Leo asked. “You haven’t talked to them in months. You’ve barely talked to your moms.”

He was real damn good at one-word answers. Yes. No. Maybe. “They’re okay.”

“I don’t think so. When I talked to them, they seemed a bit fractured.”

His moms? No. His moms were solid. Always. There was one certainty in his life and that was that Teeny Green and Marie Warner loved each other. They might not have ever been able to get married, but it didn’t matter. They were devoted. “What’s happening?”

He hadn’t called. He’d actually dodged their calls. And Seth’s. And Nate’s and Cam’s and Callie’s. And James’s and Hope’s. It was just easier to be here where almost no one had any expectations of him. Where no one knew who he had been before he’d been shown who he really was.

“I can’t talk about it. I can just say that your mothers miss you and want you to come home. You know it’s their twenty-fifth anniversary.”

He knew. “Yeah. I’ll send them a card.”

“You’re not going to the party?”

Party? His momma hated parties. Marie thought they were a horrible waste of time. Of course, Teeny loved them and Marie loved Teeny so…maybe. “Are they having coffee at Stella’s?”

“They’re having a complete rededication ceremony. It’s being paid for by the same man who paid for your…” Leo stopped, taking a long breath. “It’s going to be a lovely ceremony, but it will likely be empty without you there.”

A nasty suspicion played through his head. “Paid for my what?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, but you can’t believe I’m doing this for free. Logan, you have people who love you.”

That didn’t answer the question. “I thought I was working off my debt.”

It was why he worked five nights a week in the dungeon. Hell. That was kind of wrong. He loved working the dungeon. He would do it for free. Of course, now that he thought about it, the dungeon itself was membership-only. The other Doms either worked for Julian full time or they got reduced-rate memberships in exchange for their work.

And Leo’s services weren’t exactly cheap. Fuck.

“Who? Is it Stef?” The king of Bliss was a likely candidate. Stef Talbot tried to take care of everyone, but the thought of charity rankled.

“No. It’s not Stef.”

Fuck all. His gut was in a knot again. “My moms can’t afford this.”

“I would never charge your mothers. Initially I was going to do everything pro bono, but you have a friend out there who didn’t want you to be beholden. You have an actual lifetime membership to The Club in your name. And none of that matters. Logan, forget I said anything.” Leo waved him off. “We have other things to talk about.”

There was a loud knock on the door, but Logan ignored it as the truth swept over him. There was really only one person who would swoop in and drop a wad of cash and never miss it and never mention it. “Seth.”

It was Seth. Seth, who damn well knew how he felt about taking charity.

The door opened and Wolf strode in.

Leo’s eyebrow climbed right up his forehead. “Hello, brother. Since when do you interrupt a session?”

Wolf stopped, rolling his eyes. “Dude. You’re ten minutes over time. I’ve been waiting forever, and we have a lunch meeting with Shelley, if you care to remember.”

Leo went a little white. “I remember. Jeez, don’t tell her I forgot. We’re supposed to be at Samar in fifteen minutes.” He stood up. “Logan, I’ll see you on Thursday.”

Thank god. He was done. He could stop fucking talking and just wait until he could get back to the dungeon. Except that now he knew he was here on Seth’s fucking charity.

Wolf turned to him. “I don’t know about that. Logan, I just got off the phone with Jamie.”

Fuck. “What happened?”

“You know Cam and Laura and Rafe got married last weekend, right?”

He felt his jaw tighten. Yeah. He’d been invited. Cam had become one of his best friends, and he’d always had a thing for Laura, but they had gotten married in a ceremony that included Holly and Caleb and Alexei.

He couldn’t watch Alexei find his joy. He fucking couldn’t.

“Yeah, I know,” Logan replied.

“Well, Cam and Rafe surprised Laura that day. They adopted a baby. Caleb and Stef made it possible.”

Because they were billionaires and money greased a lot of wheels. But Laura had a baby. A little knot formed in his chest that had nothing to do with hate and everything to do with that part of him that could still love. Laura would be a great mom. That kid was lucky. “Good for her.”

“It’s just Nate at the station. He forced Cam to take paternity leave, and there’s no one else qualified. Rachel is pregnant again, and she’s having a rough time. Rye won’t leave her. Nate’s been living at the station. I’m going to head back out to Bliss. I have to help out.”

Wolf was going to Bliss to do Logan’s job? Nate had kept it open, but he’d known he wouldn’t go back. Except that the thought of Wolf sitting at his desk kind of pissed him off.

Leo stood. “You can’t leave. We have the engagement party in two weeks. Do you know how long Shelley has been planning this? She’s going to be devastated.”

Shelley. She’d been so sweet to him, inviting him to dinner, taking care of him. Was he going to let her engagement party get ruined because Wolf felt like he had to do Logan’s job? And then there was his moms’ party. Twenty-five years of pure love and devotion should be acknowledged.

“I have to go. I owe these guys,” Wolf argued.

Wolf didn’t owe anyone, but Logan fucking did. Nate had helped him out when anyone else would have fired his ass and washed his hands of him. Cam had been a true friend. Hell, he owed James and Noah’s wife, Hope, more than they could know. He owed Bliss.

“I’ll go.” The words dropped out of his mouth like a lodestone, dragging him down.

He owed his moms everything.

Wolf’s whole demeanor changed, relaxing and showing some joy. “Are you serious? Because that would make my life so much easier. Shelley would be upset if I wasn’t here for the party. Are you sure, man?”

And he owed Wolf. It was time to man up and help out his people. He would survive it. He would go to his moms’ party and help out at the station, and when he left this time, his head would be held high.

And he could leave and not go back. And he damn straight would figure out how to deal with Seth.

“I’m sure.”

Leo and Wolf looked at each other, having a silent conversation that only brothers understood. And jealously nearly split Logan in two because he knew what that felt like. He and Seth had that kind of communication once. And then Logan had realized just how unworthy he was.

“If you’re sure, then I’ll have Kitten make the ticket out for you instead of me,” Wolf said, but his voice hesitated.

God, he hated that. He hated the whole sympathy-pity thing. And he was going to have to call Seth because he also didn’t take fucking charity. “Tell her to make it out for me. I’ll be fine.”

Because he was headed back to Bliss. Back home. God. He was going home.

He started out the door to go and pack. As he turned back, he was almost sure he saw Leo and Wolf high-five each other.