Bastian's Storm

Chapter Eleven

Back in the apartment Franks had set up for Raine and Alex, I sat awkwardly at the table in the kitchen while they ate sandwiches. Raine offered me one, but that was junk food in my book, so I declined.

“Can’t you give him something healthier?” I mumbled.

“He’s just a kid, Bastian. It’s peanut butter and jelly, not candy bars.”

I looked over the sugar content on the label of the jelly jar and cringed. The bread Raine had used for the sandwiches was that squishy white stuff, too.

“Jesus, Raine,” I said, “this is pure shit!”

“Watch your mouth!” she said with a hiss.

I rolled my eyes, but I knew she was right. I looked over at Alex, but he was face-deep in peanut butter and not paying any attention.

“He didn’t hear me,” I said.

“Maybe not this time,” she countered.

“It’s still crap food.”

“Well,” Raine continued, “this is what they give me. It’s not like I’m doing the shopping myself. You know I don’t usually buy this kind of stuff because you always throw a fit.”

All right, I couldn’t argue with that. I could tell the assholes in Franks’ employ to get her some better quality food though. Of course, I had no idea what kids liked to eat—weren’t they supposed to be picky eaters or something? Was I going to have to spout a plethora of arguments about why vegetables had to be eaten?

I’m so unprepared for fatherhood, it’s not even funny.

As I sat there and thought about it, I realized just how correct that statement was. I didn’t know what I was doing. Raine seemed so natural with Alex, and I didn’t even know what he’d want to eat for dinner. I’d spent years of effort pushing the memory of his existence as far into the back of my mind as possible; I never even considered needing any information about children. I couldn’t exactly use my own past as a delinquent skipping from one foster home to another as a model.

I had no clue what a six-year-old was like. I didn’t even know where to start.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

“Bastian!” Raine snarled. “Stop it!”

I was about to take myself out of the room to let out a good string of cuss words when Alex spoke up.

“You aren’t supposed to say bad words, Dad.”

That single word melted me. It flowed over my flesh like warm bath water and sunk into me so deeply, I could feel it in my core. My throat felt like it was closing up on me, and there was burning pressure building up behind my eyes. I felt Raine’s fingers brush over my thigh, and I forced myself to swallow.

“You’re right, Alex,” I finally said. “I shouldn’t.”

Alex and Raine finished their sandwiches, and we spent the rest of the day sitting on the living room floor with Alex, placing little plastic bricks together in such a way that they ended up looking like little spaceships. There were astronaut figures to add to the cockpits, and Alex flew them around the room, sparking memories from my own fucked-up past.

With a plastic airplane in my hand, I make buzzing sounds as I hold it high above my head and run in circles around the room. It’s the very best plane from the box. All the others are scratched up or rusty.

Jared, the new kid in the foster home, finishes the wooden puzzle he’s been working on and looks over to me.

“It’s my turn to play with the plane!”

“No, it isn’t,” I say. My skin quivers through my body as I hold the toy close to my chest. He’d played with it all day yesterday. I’ve only had it for a few minutes, and I’m not about to give it up now.

It is a something. It is a something important, and if I give it to him, I have nothing.

“It’s my turn!” Jared insists. He looks over to Miss Janet and yells to her. “Sebastian’s not sharing!”

“Share the toys,” Miss Janet says without looking up from the crossword in the newspaper. She scribbles in a word then purses her lips and erases it again.

“She said you have to share,” Jared says with a sneer.

My hands shake as I hold the plane tightly in my fingers. I won’t give it to him. I won’t.

Jared reaches out and tries to grab it from me, but I push him away. He lands on the carpet and cries out.

“He pushed me!”

Miss Janet tells me to stop in the same, tired voice.

Jared stands and comes at me, and I shove him again—harder this time. The plastic wing of the plane is cutting into my fingers a little as I hold it tightly. I take a step forward and kick him in the side.

“It’s mine!” I shout. “You can’t play with it!”

“Sebastian!” Miss Janet yells as she looks over at me. “Give Jared the plane!”

The shaking in my hands travels through the rest of my body. It’s all I have. Jared has everything, even parents who are just waiting for the court system to say their house is in good enough shape for him to come home. He has them, he has a home, he has his own toys, and I have nothing.

Screaming at the top of my voice, I throw the plane against the wall. The shaking turns to pressure in my head and chest as I watch it fall in little pieces to the floor.

“You see what you did!” I scream at Jared as I launch myself at him.

Shaking the memory away, I swore to myself again that Alex was not going to have the same kind of life that was forced upon me as a child. I wasn’t going to let that happen to him.

Promptly at eight o’clock, Raine coerced Alex into taking a bath. I watched as he floated little boats around in the water and Raine washed his hair. Seeing her with him made me feel proud of her but also extremely inadequate. How did she know how to do these things? I was at a total loss.

“Can you grab some pajamas for him?” Raine asked.

“Where are they?”

“Second drawer.”

I went into his bedroom and dug around through the dresser until I came up with a faded pair of PJs with Spiderman all over the fabric in various heroic poses. Alex held onto my shoulder as he stepped into them, and Raine dried off his hair and handed him a toothbrush.

“Can Dad pick out a story to read?” Alex asked.

I looked to Raine, nearly panicked. I’d never read a story to a kid in my life.

“Of course he can,” Raine said. She grinned at me and leaned close. “He likes the one called The Hungry Thing.”

After a little digging, I found the book on the floor beneath Alex’s dirty clothes. I tossed the clothes in the hamper near the door and pulled one of the plastic chairs to the edge of the bed. Alex settled in, and Raine pulled the blanket up to his chin.

I held the book in my lap and chewed on the edge of my thumb, unsure of how to begin. Raine raised her eyebrows at me and nodded her head toward the book. I took in a deep breath, opened the cover, and began to read in a shaky voice.

It was a weird story about a creature coming into a town and demanding various things to eat, but it never said the words right. Only one kid in town was able to understand what it wanted. Alex laughed every time the creature demanded a new dish.

When I arrived at the end of the story, Raine kissed Alex on the forehead and told him goodnight before she walked out of the room. I stood there for a minute, not sure if I should do the same or not.

Apparently tired of my hesitation, Alex looked at me and held out his arms. Glad for the invitation, I reached down and gave him a hug.

“’Night, Dad.”

“Goodnight…son.” I choked.

Raine was standing in the hall with a grin on her face.

“That was pretty good,” she said.

“I’ve never done that before,” I admitted.

She placed a brief kiss on my cheek.

“You’re a natural.”

I wanted to deny it. I wanted to tell her I had no fucking clue what I was doing, and watching how good she was with Alex was a little intimidating. That little, abused kid inside of me wanted to remind her that she’d be better off finding some dude with a regular job who could drink an occasional glass of wine without losing control of himself.

I didn’t.

Her hand brushed over my cheek, and I didn’t want to say those things. I didn’t want her to find someone else.

I wanted to be that man.

Well, probably sans glass of wine with dinner, but everything else.

Could I do that? Was there any chance I would be able to give her everything she deserved to have in life without my past always getting in the way? I’d dwelled on it for so long, allowed it to make me into someone who couldn’t handle a fucking dinner party with his girl’s friends, that I wasn’t sure I could ever be any other way.

Fuck that.

She deserved more, and I wasn’t going to deny her. I could never let her go, but I could change myself. I could be what she needed most. I could be a father to Alex, one worthy of the title, and in the process, I would make myself into a man she would be proud to call hers.

I would do it, but first, more than anything, I wanted to show her something else I was a natural at doing.

“Get in that bedroom,” I said. “Now.”

Raine’s eyes darkened as she swept her tongue across her lips. She turned quickly to comply. I followed, closing the door behind us.

I grabbed her waist before she could even reach the bed, turned her around and covered her mouth with mine. I was hungry for her, the weeks of not having her body pressed to mine overwhelming me with sudden intensity. I needed her more than I ever had before.

Raine broke away, trying to catch her breath as I moved my lips down her neck. I grabbed at the bottom of her shirt and yanked it up over her head and down her arms. Reaching for her lace-covered breasts, I found her shoulder with my mouth and sucked at the skin there as she wrapped her arms around my head.

“I missed you so much,” she said.

“I’m going to make up for that right now,” I promised. I tore off my shirt and released my cock from my pants. Raine pushed them down my legs, and I kicked both the pants and my boxers out of the way.

Grabbing the waist of Raine’s jeans, I pulled them off and tossed them on the bed. Her panties and bra followed quickly, and I pulled her against me again, my cock pressing hard against her bare stomach.

Lifting her in my arms, I pressed her up against the wall. She circled my waist with her legs, gasping as I slammed into her with a grunt. I looked into her eyes as I pulled back and thrust forward again.

“You feel so fucking good,” I said. “You ready to take this?”

“Yes!” Raine cried out and then lowered her voice as she glanced toward the door. “Please, Bastian!”

“Beg me,” I whispered against her ear. I sucked the lobe into my mouth. “I wanna hear you beg for my cock.”

I pulled out nearly all the way, just leaving the tip inside of her. I moved back and forth with shallow thrusts from my hips, teasing her.

“Ugh, Bastian! Please…please…more. I need more!”

I pulled back again, then slowly buried myself inside of her, pinning her body to the wall with my own.

“You want me to move?”

“Yes!”

“You want it fast and hard?”

“Please!”

I wrapped one arm around her ass as I placed the other against the wall. I didn’t bother building up, just pulled back and slammed inside of her again as she tried to keep her cries low. I tightened the muscles in my arm with every movement, bringing her ass up to meet my blows. I could feel every tendon flex in time with the pounding of my cock.

Our lips meshed together, and our tongues found each other inside her mouth. I scraped her lips with my teeth, growling and pressing my hips hard against her body as she held on to me as tightly as she could. She flexed her legs with each thrust, bringing me deeper into her.

“So fucking good,” I groaned. “Jesus, Raine…so good…”

“More, Bastian…please…”

I could have sworn my dick hardened more at her words.

Stepping back from the wall, my cock slipped out of her as I turned us around and threw her face down on the bed. Raine scrambled to her hands and knees as I crawled in behind her, tapped her legs apart with my knees, and drove into her again.

Pulling back, I grasped her hips in my hands and shoved into her as hard as I could, making her jump and cry out. She pressed her forehead against the mattress and tried to stifle herself as I moved in and out, twisting and shifting my hips to change the angle and pressure. I wanted her to be sore in the morning. I wanted her to remember every fucking second of my cock being inside of her.

For all I knew, this would be our last time together.

I flipped her over on her back and entered her again. Reaching for her wrists, I held them both in one hand over her head as the other hand caressed the skin up and down her side. I gripped one breast, then the other, never stopping the strokes inside her body as she lay below me, gazing up with hooded eyes.

As we moved, I could see in her eyes everything she had been through since we were last together: her kidnapping and imprisonment in this little shed of an apartment; her forced motherhood; the willpower she maintained to embrace it all for my sake. Everything she had, she offered to me with her eyes.

As her strength flowed into me, she made me feel more powerful than I ever had before.

Through her, I could endure anything thrown at me. I’d do it for her gladly because she was counting on me to do so. She needed me now more than ever.

I intended to deliver. I would never leave her side again once this was through. I’d be there for her forever and always. She’d get a real house and a degree in whatever field she wanted. I’d stop being such a moody asshole and be the kind of man she deserved to have at her side. I’d fucking ask her to marry me if that’s what she wanted.

When all this was over, I was going to give her the fucking world.

Raine arched her back and bit into her lower lip. She moaned in her throat as she tried to keep herself from crying out. I felt her body shudder under me and picked up the pace. Squeezing my eyes shut, I leaned into her and pounded furiously until the buildup was too much to hold back, and I exploded inside of her.

Raine’s legs fell from my hips, and I slowed and finally stopped, exhaustion coming over me. I dropped my head to Raine’s shoulder for a moment before pulling out and rolling to my back beside her, panting. She rolled with me and raised herself up on her arm before she leaned over and placed her lips to mine.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed against the pillow and let her kiss me softly and gently, over and over again. I ran my hand up and down her back, soothing both of us.

“Dad? Raine?” The door to the bedroom opened slightly, and Alex’s tousled head peered in.

Raine moved faster than I think I had ever seen as she rolled off of me and grabbed for the sheet. She pulled it up to her chin, glanced at me with widened eyes, and then back at Alex in the doorway.

“What is it?” she asked him.

“I can’t sleep,” Alex said. “I heard a funny sound.”

I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing out loud.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Raine said. “You know the wind outside can make things sound funny.”

“Nothing, was it?” I snickered under my breath.

Raine elbowed me in the ribs.

“I don’t think it was the wind,” Alex said. “Can I sleep in here? I’m scared.”

Raine looked to me again, and I shrugged. Whatever the protocol was for having a kid catch you in bed was beyond me. I grinned at Raine as she bit down on her lip, trying to think of something. Finally, she did.

“Alex,” Raine said as she peered out from under the sheet, “did you remember to floss your teeth before you went to bed?”

“Um…no.”

“You go do that, and then you can come in here.”

“Awww!” Alex stomped off down the hall toward the bathroom.

“Get your shorts on!” Raine said quickly as she started scrambling around the floor, trying to find her clothes.

I tried to hold in a laugh as I retrieved my boxers and pulled them up my legs. Raine barely managed to get her clothes back on before we could hear small footsteps coming back down the hallway.

Alex crawled into the bed next to Raine but wasn’t content to stay on that side. Instead, he clambered over her and wedged himself between us before pulling the blankets up to his chin. He looked up at me and grinned before shifting his shoulders back and forth to make more room for himself, shoving me a little farther toward the edge of the bed.

He rolled to one side, facing me, and closed his eyes. He was sound asleep a moment later.

I tentatively reached over his body and placed my hand on Raine’s hip. I couldn’t bind her to myself like I usually did at night with Alex between us, but the sense of contentment I felt inside of myself told me it didn’t matter. I had both of them with me, secure and protected.

Raine reached over and placed her hand on top of my forearm, right above where Alex slept.

“You okay?” she asked quietly.

I looked from her to Alex and back to her again. Blinking a few times, that warm feeling came over me again.

“Yeah,” I said. “Better than okay, actually.”

Raine smiled, settled herself, and soon joined Alex in slumber.

I watched them both for a few minutes as I tried to work out what was going on in my head. I didn’t have any words for it, so I gave up, closed my eyes, and had the best night’s sleep of my life.

I rose early the next day and went over the travel plans Landon had left with me. In a couple of hours, we’d head to the Thompson Airport. A plane would take us over to a small airport on the edge of Hudson Bay. From there, we would head up to a remote airfield located somewhere in the Northwestern Passage. It was an area so inhospitable that it didn’t allow for any road traffic, only aircraft. The last leg of the trip would carry us to Resolute Bay by prop plane. The tournament would take place just south of the airfield there.

I was more concerned with spending as much time as possible with Raine and Alex before I left for the games than with our travel plans. However, they both seemed content to sleep in, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake them.

I drank black coffee as I sat at the small kitchen table and realized I didn’t even want a cigarette. That made me smile. I sipped up the last of the coffee, started another pot brewing, and began to make breakfast.

The smell woke Raine, and she shuffled down the hall, rubbing her eyes and yawning. Her hair was bunched up all over the place, and she tried to tame it with her fingers, but it wasn’t working well.

“Morning,” she mumbled.

“Morning,” I replied with a smile. “You’re beautiful.”

“Ha,” she said.

“You are.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

She poured herself some coffee and sat at the table to watch me flip omelets.

“Find some acceptable food?” she asked.

“Reasonably,” I said. “There isn’t much to put in the omelets except for these orange squares claiming to be cheese, but it shouldn’t be too bad. I used more whites than yolks.”

“How did you sleep?” Raine asked.

“Pretty good,” I said. I looked back over my shoulder at her. “Really good, actually.”

Raine returned the smile over the rim of her coffee mug.

A blurry-eyed Alex wandered into the kitchen and plopped down on one of the chairs. At first, he seemed a little startled at my presence but smiled a bit when I put a plate full of bacon and a cheese omelet in front of him.

“Can I have toast?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes at the only bread in the kitchen but toasted it for him anyway. He proceeded to use it to make a giant sandwich out of the eggs and bacon.

“He likes sandwiches,” Raine said with a shrug.

“Apparently.”

Raine took her plate and sat down next to him, and I sat on the opposite side. My food went a little cold as I watched him eat, seeing small traits within myself with nearly every movement he made.

It was surreal.

When he completed his breakfast and headed to the carpeted area of the living room to play with his Legos, I continued to observe him, both stunned and pleased to recognize myself in his mannerisms. I could have watched him all day, but before Raine was even done clearing away the dishes from breakfast, we were interrupted.

There was a short knock at the door, and it opened a moment later. Raine looked up, and her face darkened. I didn’t have to check—I knew it was Landon, and Raine and I both knew what that meant.

It was time for me to go.

“Hey, buddy,” I called over to Alex. “Come here a sec.”

He sighed, put down his Legos, and thumped over in his stocking feet. When he got close enough, I put my hands on his shoulders and peered into his eyes.

“I need you to do something for me, kid,” I said seriously.

“What?” he asked.

“I have to leave for a while. That means I need you to help take care of Raine while I’m gone.”

“Take care of her?” Alex asked through narrowed eyes. “I’m six!”

“Yeah, you’ve still got a bit of growing to do,” I replied with a half-smile, “but you’re the man of the house around here while I’m gone. You take care of Raine by doing what she tells you to do. You also need to watch her really closely.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes she needs a hug, and I won’t be here to give her one. I need you to do it for me.”

Alex pondered a moment.

“Do I have to kiss her?”

I snickered and rubbed the top of his head with my hand.

“No, no kissing required.”

“Good, ‘cause kissing is gross.”

“Yeah, we’ll see how you feel about that when you’re older.”

“Gross,” he repeated.

I laughed. Alex’s eyes suddenly lit up, and he ran to his room. When he came back, he held out the drawing he’d been working on the day before.

“This is for you.”

I took the paper in my hand. He had added Raine to the picture, her figure to the side of mine. Her hair was drawn all the way to her waist, and the brown dots for her eyes stared out at me.

“You should take it with you,” Alex said. “That way, you’ll remember what we look like until you come back.”

I had to swallow pretty hard to find my voice.

“Thanks,” I said. “Yeah, it’ll be nice to have with me.”

I folded the paper carefully and tucked it into the pocket of my jacket before I reached over and gave Alex a quick hug. He squirmed a little, and then he ran back to his toys. Raine had stood off to the side, watching our exchange with a bemused look, but now that Alex was occupied again, her expression changed.

“You’re going now?” She already knew the answer to her question, but I nodded anyway.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

She nodded as she brought her hands up around herself and held onto her arms. She looked over to Alex and sniffed.

Glancing at Landon, I saw him tap his watch twice as he turned and exited through the open door, giving us a moment of privacy. I stood and crossed the kitchen and took Raine’s face in my hands. Bending down, I placed my lips against hers, kissing her slowly. When we parted, I could see the beginning of tears rimming her eyelids.

“Before you know it,” I whispered as I stared into her eyes.

“Please be careful,” she said.

“Always,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”

She nodded her head and gave me another squeeze. I kissed the top of her head, then took her chin in my hand and placed another firm kiss on her lips.

“I love you,” I told her.

“Love you, too.” Raine’s eyes moistened as she looked up at me, bit down on her lip, and ran her hands down my arms. She grasped my fingers with hers for a moment before stepping back.

I took a long breath, committed her face to memory, and turned to go out the door. Landon was waiting outside for me along with Roger, Franks, and two of his bodyguards.

“Let’s go,” I said, and Landon tilted his head in acknowledgement as Roger pulled the key to the padlock out of his pocket to lock my family securely inside until all of this was over.

Before the door managed to close, Raine shoved her way past Roger and grabbed my arm. She pulled me to her and wrapped both arms around my neck. Her grip on me tightened so much, my air supply was limited.

“Don’t go,” she said, her voice breaking. “Don’t do it, Bastian—please. Just don’t…don’t…”

“Oh, baby.” I held her shoulders. “I have to. You know I have to.”

“No, you don’t!” she said, her voice rising. “You don’t have to do this! Stay here! Please!”

“Fuck, Raine…” I could feel her tears against my skin as she begged and sobbed. It couldn’t have hurt any more than if she shoved her fist through my ribcage and ripped my heart straight out of my body.

“You might die,” she cried. “Oh God, Bastian, please, please just stay here!”

I held her as tightly as I could and tried to come up with anything to say to calm her, but nothing was working.

“Sebastian,” Landon said from behind me. His hand tapped my upper arm as he spoke my name.

“I know,” I said. I shrugged his hand off of me and grabbed Raine’s shoulders, holding her back a bit so I could look into her face. I brushed tears from her cheek and touched my forehead to hers. “I have to go.”

“No,” Raine said, shaking her head rapidly. “We can just leave…go far away…please!”

“You know I can’t do that, baby. You just have to hold on a little longer. This will all be over soon, and then we’ll go. We’ll find the perfect place for all of us to live together, and everything will be normal again. I promise, Raine. Everything is going to work out.”

“You don’t know that.” Fresh tears spilled down her face as her head shook slowly back and forth. “You might get hurt; you might…you might…”

“Shh…” I brought her against my chest once more, which was probably a mistake. She’d latched onto me so tightly I wasn’t sure how I was going to get her back inside so I could leave. Talking sense into her wasn’t working. “You have to let go, baby. I have to leave.”

“No!” She wouldn’t let go, and though it nearly killed me, I pushed her arms away from mine as Roger grabbed onto her and kept her from grabbing me again. I stared into his eyes for a second, silently warning him to be gentle with her. I could tell by his expression that he understood my meaning—he’d pay for a single bruise.

I looked back at Raine. I knew she was trying to get herself together, but it just wasn’t working.

“I love you, babe,” I told her. “I’m going to be back soon.”

“No! No, Bastian!”

I closed my eyes as I turned around and followed Landon. Raine’s cries tore into me with every step.

I could still hear her as we drove away from the quarry and through town. I could hear her pleas echoing in my head as I boarded the first plane and buckled myself in. In my mind, I could see Roger holding her back as the plane took off into the early morning sky. Her tears continued to burn my skin through the entire journey north.

Landon glanced over at me from time to time, but he said nothing.

My mind was in a daze the entire trip. Even as Landon went over strategy and technique for the hundredth time, I was barely responding to him. I already knew it all, anyway. It was as committed to my soul as it was to my brain.

Despite Raine’s fears and the imminent danger, as we switched planes near the frozen northwest side of the Hudson Bay, I began to tingle with excitement. My muscles flexed and released as I thought of past tournaments, blood, and victory.

I wanted to fight. At least for now, I desired blood.