Bastian's Storm

Chapter One

Sometimes it just boiled inside of me.

The fucking anger.

It was directed at nothing and everything. It focused on the sights and the people around me because they were the constant reminder of what I had lost. Sometimes it was even directed at the one person who understood and accepted me for the asshole I was.

It made me hate everything and everyone around me even though I knew it didn’t really have anything to do with shit on the outside. It was like a hurricane, churning around in my gut, swirling around and around until I needed to slam my fist into something to keep myself from vomiting. The tension would creep up on me; my entire body would tighten and even begin to shake, and there didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it except…

Just one fucking drink.

On the other side of the varnished bar top, at least a hundred bottles were lined up in front of me, just barely out of reach. Every one of them seemed to be singing to me, but the ones up on the top shelf on the right called to me the most—Kettle One, Grey Goose, Skye. I wasn't sure why I tortured myself, but I did.

Every fucking day.

“You sure I can't get you something, buddy?” The bartender leaned over and tilted his head to look at me, asking me the same thing he asked me every day. He was a young guy—probably working here to put himself through school or whatever—and had that bright-eyed smile that probably drove the ladies to up the tip percentages on their bar tabs. I didn’t meet his gaze; my focus remained behind him.

With a slight shudder, I pushed away from the bar and stood up.

“I'm good,” I lied.

Turning quickly on my heel before I changed my mind, I stomped out of the bar and into the Miami evening heat. Raine would be back from class before too long, and I didn't want to risk having her recovering-alcoholic boyfriend smell like a drinking establishment, even if I had managed to make it through another day without actually ordering a drink. If she knew I was hanging out in a bar during the late afternoons, she’d be pissed, and that was a conversation best avoided. Being close to the shit made my palms itch, and I knew if I opened my mouth and ordered one, the strength it would take to stop it from passing my lips would be more than I possessed. I’d give in.

I’d fail.

I still had a little time before Raine returned, so I headed through Pier Park and down to the beach. There weren’t a lot of people around, and I was glad of that. I’d had too many confrontations with locals and tourists alike on this particular beach. Though Raine and I had developed something resembling celebrity status after we returned from being lost at sea, I didn’t think that was going to keep me out of jail if I attacked another Bermuda-shorts-wearing fuckhead on the beach.

Removing my shoes, I walked barefoot at the edge of the waves. The tide was coming in, and bits of seaweed sloshed against my toes. There were a few dead jellyfish scattered along the tide line, and bits of broken coral sloshed in and out of the waves. If I closed my eyes and ignored the noise of civilization, I could pretend I was back there again.

The island.

Alone with Raine.

My paradise.

Mine, but not hers.

The tension returned. The tsunami inside of me was not unlike the one that capsized my schooner last year—the one that led me to being alone with Raine on a raft in the middle of the Caribbean Sea with no hope in sight. She had no one but me to make sure she had water, food, and eventually shelter on an uninhabited island. She only had me to protect and provide for her.

Like a fucking caveman.

I loved it.

On the other hand, Raine liked hot showers, diet variety, and hanging out with her friend Lindsay and Lindsay’s boyfriend, Nick. She liked living in a high-rise apartment with air-conditioning and an elevator. She liked shopping at the mall and being able to cook food on an actual stove. She liked being able to go to school to learn about ecology and the conservation of the Everglades. She liked being around people.

I hated it all.

The beach was the only place I felt even remotely comfortable outdoors and then only when it was nearly deserted. It reminded me of being shipwrecked and alone with my Raine, who didn’t even want to remain anywhere near the ocean. It took some convincing to get her to agree to stay in Miami—Raine wanted to return to Ohio when we were rescued—but she ultimately let me have my way. She got into the ecology program at the nearby university and discovered her love of the Everglades. I would have preferred a tiny house right up next to the water but settled for a condo in Miami Beach instead.

Raine never went near the beach. She did at first, but she’d end up having nightmares afterward, so she stopped coming down here. She said seeing it from the condo’s balcony was plenty for her, and she didn’t even go out on the balcony much. She said it was because I was always smoking out there, but I knew it was because she didn’t like seeing the ocean waves and listening to the surf.

Everything she loved, I hated. Everything that frightened her, I loved.

How’s that for fucked up?

For the most part, we were making it work. Despite the major difference in opinion about the island where we lived alone for weeks, everything was just fine when we were together. Raine was definitely enjoying her studies at the University of Miami, and my nasty moods usually evaporated around her. I couldn’t help but kind of wish she would change her mind about living in a remote area next to the water, but I wasn’t going to push the issue even if living around all these people wasn’t my preference.

I loved her, and loving her was the only thing that kept me sane.

Well, reasonably sane.

I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. The ocean wind brought the scent of brine and sea life to me. When I opened my eyes again, I nearly walked right into a couple on the beach but managed to just brush up against the guy’s shoulder as he went by.

“Hey, asshole! Watch where you’re going!”

My hands clenched involuntarily as I turned and stared into the eyes of the motherfucker who had just passed me. Dressed in bright blue swim trunks with fucking starfish on them, the guy was maybe in his mid-thirties with light brown hair and bushy eyebrows. The chick in the purple bikini with him couldn’t have been more than twenty-five. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to impress her or what, and I didn’t really care. The slight amount of calm graced to me by the ocean waves was gone, and in its place was the storm of fury I had been trying to dodge all afternoon.

Without a word or a thought, I hauled back and punched him in the chest.

Though I hadn’t hit him all that hard, it felt good to have my knuckles connecting to someone’s body. Really good. He went down like a fucking ton of bricks despite the pulled punch, and the corners of my mouth turned up.

“Oh my God!” the girl screamed. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

She dropped down on the sand and helped the guy back up to a sitting position as I turned away from the water and headed back up to the street. I could hear both of them yelling for someone to call the cops, but I didn’t pay any attention to them, and the few other souls on the beach seemed to just stand in shock and stare as I passed. I made my way quickly to the pavement, yanked on my shoes over my sandy feet, and headed home. It was later than I thought, and I had to jog to the apartment steps to make sure I was home before Raine. I checked over my shoulder a couple of times, but no one seemed to be chasing after me.

Our one-bedroom condo wasn’t too big, but it was in a posh area of town and cost as much as my schooner had. It had one bedroom, two balconies, and a decent-sized living area that combined the kitchen, living, and dining area into one big room. It was on the fourth floor of the building, so it didn’t take a lot of effort to use the stairs. I hated being on the elevator with other people. They always tried to strike up a conversation, and I was never in the mood for it. After living here for a month, most of them knew exactly who I was, and all those who thought asking me about being lost at sea was a good idea had been proven wrong.

Raine didn’t know about most of my encounters with the neighbors, and I was happy to keep her in the dark.

Deceptive?

Yeah, probably, but it could be worse.

The short run from the beach reminded me that I needed to get back into a regular exercise routine. John Paul would be pissed if he knew I wasn’t keeping myself in shape, and Landon had made it clear to me the first night we were back that I was losing strength. Maybe some trips to the gym would help me to stop thinking about all the other shit in my life. The condo’s fitness center was open twenty-four hours a day, so I could go in the middle of the night to avoid the people. I could do a few miles on a treadmill, hit the dumbbells, and maybe indulge in some squats. I was pretty sure they even had a whirlpool or something I could soak in afterwards.

The only exercise that actually sounded good would be hauling some rocks around to fortify a shelter or foraging the beach for some mussels or crabs, but I was trying hard to convince myself otherwise.

I reached the top of the steps and closed my eyes a moment before inserting the key in the lock and opening the door. I was greeted with neutral colors and the overpriced furniture that came with the place. The luxury condo in front of me was probably a lot of people’s dream home, but it wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I kicked off my shoes and went out to the balcony off the living room for a cigarette. Being able to buy Marlboros was the only thing I actually liked about living in civilization, but I still sometimes missed rolling my own smokes out of the Indian Tobacco plants I had found on the little island where Raine and I were stranded. I wondered if I could get some of that stuff around here and make my own as I finished the smoke and tossed the butt into a little metal bucket Raine bought for them after the condo association tried to fine me for throwing the damn things off the balcony.

Fuckers.

About ten minutes later, the lock turned again, and my reason for living burst through the door with her hands full of brown paper sacks.

“What’s all that shit?” I asked as I took some of the bags from her.

“Dinner,” Raine said with a sweet smile. She set two bags on the table while I placed the others on the counter. Raine grabbed some vegetables, beef, and some kind of Asian sauce in a bottle while I put the rest of the groceries in the fridge.

“How was your day?” Raine asked as she chopped zucchini and mushrooms.

“You weren’t here,” I said, “so it fucking sucked.”

Raine looked over her shoulder and smiled at me.

“How do you make that sound so sweet?” she asked.

“Raw talent,” I replied with a silly grin.

Raine tossed some of the chopped up food in a big skillet and began telling me about her botany class as she alternated between cooking and setting the table. I probably should have helped, but watching her walk around the kitchen like a domestic goddess turned me on too much to do anything but stare and drool. As far as conversation went, she lost me pretty quickly when she moved into diatoms and how important algae were to an ecosystem. By then she had stopped moving around and swaying her hips, so I snuck out to the balcony for another smoke while she was in mid-sentence.

She must have noticed, because I got quite a glare when I came back in. I offered her a half smile and a wink, but she shook her head at me.

“Rude!” she declared.

I moved up behind her and placed my hands on her hips. I sucked at the place where her neck met her shoulder and heard her sigh. Raine leaned back just enough to put a little pressure against my chest but kept stirring a bunch of vegetables in the frying pan. I moved my lips up close to her ear.

“Rude am I in my speech, and little blessed with the soft phrase of peace.”

“What’s that from?” Raine asked.

“Othello.”

She wriggled a little against me. Every once in a while, that master’s degree in English lit was rather handy.

Raine hummed and leaned against me some more, and the closeness of her body reminded me that she had left early this morning. Usually I woke up before her and made sure I claimed her properly before she headed out into a university full of guys but not on Tuesdays when she had an early class. I hadn’t been inside of her since last night, which probably explained my overly volatile mood all day.

“Missed you today,” I said. I moved my hands around her torso and hugged her against me. I brushed the lower edge of her breast with my thumb.

“I missed you, too,” she echoed. “I’ve got a ton of studying to do tonight, though.”

I swallowed, knowing exactly what she meant by that: quick dinner followed by Raine huddled up on the couch in the living room with fifteen books splayed out around her. She’d be so engrossed that I wouldn’t get any attention from her at all.

Fuck that.

I grabbed her hips again and pulled her back against me so she could feel exactly what I thought of that idea. I moved my lips back to her throat and trailed kisses from her ear to her shoulder. My cock hardened more as I slid my fingers under her shirt and ran them along the edge of her shorts.

“You’re going to make me burn dinner,” Raine said as she pushed at my hand. “Maybe tomorrow morning before-”

“Fuck dinner,” I snarled. “Turn off the damn stove.”

Getting inside of her was far, far more important than food.

“Bastian-”

“Turn it off!”

Reaching farther up under her shirt, I found both of her tits and ran my thumbs over her nipples as I ground into her backside. Raine gasped, and I heard the distinct click of the stove’s element being turned off. I wasted no more time. I dropped one hand and lifted Raine up into the air, causing her to squeal and giggle.

My favorite sound in the world.

I didn’t give a flying fuck about the dishes and shit already set out on the table in the kitchen. I tore at the button and zipper of her shorts and dropped the top half of Raine in the middle of the place settings. She made a half-assed attempt at moving the plates and silverware out of the way as I pulled open my jeans and leaned over her back.

With my cock in my hand, I rubbed over her slit with the head as her legs dangled over the side of the table. I bent my knees a little to get the right angle and then plunged into her.

“Fuck…yes…”

All the shit from the first part of the day evaporated until there was nothing left except for me, her, and the slight jingling sound of silverware as I rocked into her body. Nothing else mattered.

Small grunts and moans came from Raine as I slid in and out. Reaching up, I pushed her shirt up near her shoulders and rested my hand on her back as the other held her hip for leverage. When I looked down, I could see my cock moving in and out of her with quick jabs. I slowed slightly, reveling in the sight of our bodies meshing together and changing the angle to rub the back side of her clit.

“Oh shit…Bastian…”

“Feel that?” I growled. “Feels so fucking good getting my cock up in you. You like that? Huh?”

“God…yes…please!”

“Please what?” I pulled out until just the head was still in her and then flexed my hips forward until I bottomed out. “You want more of that?”

“Yes! Yes, please!”

I fucking loved it when she begged.

“You’re going to make me come,” I told her. “All spread out like that. How am I supposed to resist?”

Raine moaned again, and I increased my pace as she moved one hand down to where we were joined. She had to raise her hips a bit to reach, which just gave me a better angle. I grabbed her hand and reached around her waist with the other arm to hold her up a little. Guiding her hand to her clit, I kept my own fingers over hers while she worked herself.

“So fucking beautiful,” I whispered. I leaned over her back a bit more and began to thrust in time with the movements of her fingers.

“Ahhh! Bastian!”

“Let it go, baby…come all over my cock.”

It didn’t take long for her to comply, and as her body tensed around my shaft, I could have sworn we were back there—on our island—lying in the sand with the waves moving over our feet.

“Oh, fuck…yeah…” I grunted. My thighs shook, and I held myself firmly against her as my cock emptied inside her body.

I dropped my head to the middle of her back, panting for a moment. My legs felt like they were going to give out on me, so I couldn’t stay connected to her for long. As beautiful as the sight was, she couldn’t have been very comfortable splayed out on the table like that, so I pulled out and helped her stand.

“Jesus,” Raine muttered as she tried to stand on shaky legs.

I laughed.

“You’re so cute when you’re freshly fucked,” I mused. “Makes me want to do it all over again.”

Raine gathered her clothes from the floor, shook her head at me with a big smile, and raced off to the bathroom to clean up. I just used a paper napkin to wipe myself up a bit before yanking my shorts back up and washing my hands. I didn’t mind smelling like I just had sex with her, so fuck it.

Raine returned, still flushed and beautiful. She nodded toward the destroyed table display.

“You clean that up.”

I smiled, properly chastised and not really caring. I shoved the plates and cups around until they were back in the approximate positions from before our tryst and dropped my ass on one of the chairs to watch Raine finish cooking dinner. After we ate, I sat on the opposite side of the couch and fiddled with a game on my phone while Raine did her studying.

She finally finished and we went to bed. It was late, but I still tried to make up for the quickie in the kitchen by taking her slowly. I rocked into her over and over again until the back of her head was pressed against the pillow and her forehead was covered in sweat.

“Bastian…oh God…”

“So beautiful,” I whispered against her ear.

She wrapped her thighs around my hips, and I matched her rhythm until she came apart around me. I followed soon afterward and then held her tight against my chest while she ran her hands over my back.

These were the times I didn’t give a shit about where we were. I didn’t care that there were hundreds of people living in the same building or thousands of tourists on the beach. Here and now, it was just Raine and I, together.

Peace.

Contentment.

Remembering the random guy I belted on the beach, I couldn’t help but feel how much I didn’t deserve this shit. Raine was nothing like me in that regard. She was polite, giving, and completely and totally friendly to everyone she came across. If she knew what I had done…

I swallowed hard.

“Tell me the reasons?” I whispered. I looked up at her and felt an odd sense of trepidation. We’d done this before, so I wasn’t sure why it made me nervous to ask.

Raine smiled and stroked my cheek. She nodded her head, and I tucked myself into the space between her neck and shoulder to listen. She moved her fingers into my hair and played with the strands by my ear as she spoke.

“I love your strength,” she said. She always started with that. “I love the way I feel so safe when you’re holding me—like there’s nothing in the world that could possibly hurt me as long as you’ve got me.”

“It’s true,” I said quietly. “I’d never let anything happen to you.”

I felt her nod again.

“I love your eyes,” she continued, “and the way you look at me sometimes like I’m the only person in the universe. It makes my heart beat faster when you do that. I love the way you want to take care of me all the time. Even when I don’t want you to, I know it’s because you care about me.”

I tightened my grip on her.

“I love that you try so, so hard not to drink. I know it’s not easy—it’s a daily struggle—but you still endure. You push through it for me. That’s part of your strength as well.”

My chest rose and fell as I took a deep breath and pressed my lips against her collarbone. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt about my daily trips to the bar, but I still hadn’t had a drop since the night my schooner went down.

“Most of all, I love the way you love me,” she said. “I love the passion inside of you and how you make me feel like the most desired woman in the world when I’m with you.”

“I do love you,” I told her.

“I know you do,” she replied. She brushed her lips over my forehead. “I love you, too.”

I swallowed hard against the tightness in my throat, held her a little closer, and closed my eyes. My mind relaxed along with my body, and I felt her fingers stroking my face as I slipped into slumber.

Smoke burns my eyes. Fifteen people have been slaughtered in front of me, but here I stand, unmoving. Landon holds one of my arms, John Paul the other.

They get to the last one—a cop from one of the smaller districts. I wonder why he’s here; it’s not his beat. Gunter Darke grabs him and spins him in a circle, and I watch his face change.

Raine takes his place.

I still can’t move. I still can’t speak.

Gunter pulls her down on her back, and Franks cheers. Four men approach her—a chunky guy, a guy with dreadlocks, one with a buzz-cut, and a guy with a long ponytail.

The uniform worn by the cop is gone, and Dreadlocks tears my T-shirt off of Raine as Buzz-cut and Chunky hold her legs…

I couldn’t breathe when I snapped awake. All the muscles in my chest were constricted around my heart and lungs. Sweat ran from my forehead into my eyes, and my limbs shook uncontrollably.

I gripped the edge of Raine’s pajamas. I needed her closer to me, but I didn’t want to wake her up. I tightened my fingers around the fabric until I could feel my nails in my palms. Pulling her body as closely as I could, I tried to keep myself from shaking, but I wasn’t very successful. I did manage to pull air into my lungs, but once I caught my breath, I had to focus on not hyperventilating.

Breathing through my nose, I tried to inhale deeply and let the air out slowly. It just made my chest hurt. I gripped Raine tighter and tucked my head into her shoulder.

Soft fingers caressed the back of my neck.

“Bastian?”

I couldn’t answer.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing,” I croaked. The word was utterly ridiculous.

Raine moved her fingers down to my chin and pushed my face to look at her. I did so reluctantly, and as soon as I met her eyes with mine, some of the tension faded, and I could breathe right again.

“Nightmare?”

I nodded.

“Can you tell me about it?”

I shook my head, and Raine nodded in response. She moved one of her arms around my shoulder and the other around my head. She held me against her chest as I tried to regain some semblance of sanity.

Raine knew me so well, it frightened me. Whereas she used to press for more answers, she was now quick with yes-or-no questions I could answer without speaking, and she knew when to give me a little mental space. Eventually I’d tell her what the dream was about, and she knew that.

Still, even when I heard her reasons, sometimes it didn’t make the feeling of inadequacy go away. Maybe it was all from the lack of affection during my fucked up childhood, like Raine thought, or maybe it was because the one man who did offer me any kind of parental connection was also the man who taught me how to be a killer—a damn good one.

Maybe it was because I missed being a killer.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered to Raine as my throat and mouth went dry. “I want a drink so fucking bad.”

“I know, baby,” she replied, “but you’re stronger than that.”

I closed my eyes a moment and shook my head vigorously.

“Only on the outside.” I met her eyes again. “You have more strength inside than I do.”

She moved her fingers into my hair and brushed it away from my sweaty forehead.

“You have more than you know,” she said. “You work at it every day, and every day you get stronger on the inside too.”

Everything in my head wanted to deny it. I didn’t feel strong. I just felt like drinking or fucking.

“I wanna fuck you,” I said. I saw the little twinge in her eye at the phrase but couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

“Always so crass,” she muttered.

I fought with my head for a way to explain.

“When I’m inside you, everything changes,” I told her. “It’s not about getting my dick wet; it’s about being so close to you that I can feel your strength in me. When I feel your arms on my back, and you hold me against you, that’s when I feel strong.”

Raine’s eyes softened and glistened a little. She ran her fingers over my jaw lightly as her eyes moved back and forth between mine. I wasn’t sure if she got it or if it made up for me being the crude asshole that I was, and just when I figured I couldn’t even make sense to myself, let alone her, she spoke.

“Fuck me, Bastian,” Raine said. “Hard.”

Without hesitation, I moved to straddle her. Pulling her up by her shoulders, I reached behind her head and pulled her mouth to mine. Our tongues touched with a frantic pace, and I wanted nothing more than to devour her. She gripped the back of my neck, holding my mouth to hers as she returned the kiss with as much passion as I gave her.

I couldn’t wait any longer.

Rising up on my knees, I pulled Raine into my lap. She reached down and angled my cock towards her opening, and I lifted her up and then slammed her down on it. She leaned backwards, and I held the small of her back with one hand while the other moved up to caress her breasts.

She moaned, and I thumbed her nipple as she worked herself up and down on my cock. Her skin was so soft on the palm of my hand, and I stroked each breast before reaching back around and grabbing her ass with both hands.

I took over, bringing her up and slamming her back down over and over again until sweat covered both of us. Raine’s breath covered the skin of my chest and shoulder as she held my biceps to try to keep her balance.

As if I would ever let her fall.

Our eyes met through a lusty haze, and I had no words for the emotions spreading through my body. There was want and need; there was love, but there was also so much more. Looking at her was like gazing into the eyes of an angel—a guardian angel—one who was sent from heaven just to save my sorry soul.

Raine’s cries echoed through the small bedroom, bouncing off the walls and ceiling, and creating the most enticing music to my ears. Laying her back down on the mattress, I grabbed her knee and pulled it up against my hip as I lay over the top of her and continued.

She wrapped her legs around me and dug her heels into my backside. The pressure from her lower embrace was more than enough to increase my pace to a furious pounding. My cock plunged in and out of her with long, hard strokes.

I panted with each penetration and gripped her ass and back as I drove home with each thrust of my hips. I dropped my forehead to her shoulder as my gut began to quiver, and my balls constricted. The tingling continued, built up, and exploded through my cock and into her body as I let out an incoherent cry.

Finally satiated, I slowed and eventually stilled, collapsing on top of her and trying to catch my breath. Raine’s legs tightened around my waist, and her arms gripped my shoulders. Pressing my lips to her neck in silent thanks, I rolled us both to our sides.

“You are my world,” I whispered against her skin. “I can survive anything as long as I have you with me.”

My storm was calmed. At least for now, I closed my eyes and slept without dreams.