Beautiful Day

DOUG

He found Pauline lying in bed reading the Notebook. She was still in the cinnamon-colored dress, although she’d kicked off her shoes. She was on top of the covers on Doug’s side of the bed, and she was crying.

Doug had noticed Pauline missing after the throwing of the bouquet, but at that point, the traditional portion of the festivities was winding down, and many of Doug’s friends and Beth’s cousins were leaving, and Doug had to put in face time to say good-bye and remind everyone about the brunch in the morning. The band was still playing-Etta James’s “At Last,” and Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.” These songs were thorns in Doug’s side. He couldn’t very well dance to them with Pauline, and yet he most certainly owed Pauline a dance. He hadn’t danced with her once all night.

Pauline was no longer at the table, nor elsewhere in the tent that he could see. He nearly asked Rhonda if she had seen Pauline, but he didn’t want to call attention to the fact that he had lost track of her once again. Roger and his crew were transitioning from the traditional wedding to the after-party. The lead singer of the band was staying on to play an acoustic set. The after-party was really for the young people, and so Doug figured it was okay for him to leave the cleanup to Roger and the caterers and go in search of Pauline.

He had expected to find her in bed. He had not expected her to be reading the Notebook.

“Really?” he said.

“What does it matter now?” she said. “The wedding is over.”

Well, yes, that was true, the wedding was over-Doug acknowledged this with equal parts relief and melancholy. He found himself hoping that Nick did end up getting married someday, because there was nothing Doug relished as much as having his family together, despite all the attendant malarkey.

To Pauline, he said, “Right, the wedding is over. Why again with the Notebook?”

“ ‘Your father will be a cause for concern,’ ” Pauline read.

Doug put a hand up. “Pauline, stop.”

“ ‘Even if your father has Another Wife, I want you to do those things. Do them for me, please.’ ”

“Pauline.” Doug wondered if she had read the last page of the Notebook. He was tempted to ask her to hand it over so that he could read it himself, but he sensed this was exactly the wrong time.

Pauline was gazing at him with tears streaming down her face. “How is this supposed to make me feel?”

“It isn’t supposed to make you feel any way,” he said. “It wasn’t meant for you. It was meant for Jenna.”

“It was like Beth knew that whoever came along after her wasn’t going to be good enough.” Pauline turned the page of the Notebook so violently that Doug feared she might rip it. “Wasn’t going to be as good as she was.”

“Pauline.”

“I just want you to admit it, Douglas,” Pauline said. “You don’t love me as much as you loved her, and you never will.”

“I wasn’t looking to replace Beth,” Doug said. “That was never my intention.”

“What was your intention, then?” Pauline asked. “A little sex? A little fun? We took vows, Douglas, just like Jenna and Stuart did today. We pledged the same things they did, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I meant those vows, but you didn’t. You just went through the motions-but why? Why did you marry me? We should have just continued dating if you didn’t want to give this relationship the same time and energy that you gave your first marriage.” Pauline set the Notebook down and sat up in bed. “That was what crystallized for me while we were sitting in that church. You never treated our marriage the way you treated your marriage to Beth. Beth was your real and true love; I was just someone you met afterwards. I was a coda, an afterthought, a person on your arm, a warm body in the bed so you didn’t have to sleep alone.”

Doug sighed. He could hear voices outside, Jenna’s voice above all the others, asking everyone to gather around the campfire.

Before Doug had walked Jenna down the aisle, she said, “I love him so much, Daddy. I never want to be away from him. You know that song that Mom liked with the line ‘If I could choose a place to die, it would be in your arms’?”

“ ‘Bell Bottom Blues,’ ” Doug said. “Derek and the Dominos.”

“Well, that’s how I feel about Stuart.”

Doug nodded. Jenna was the only one of the kids who had inherited Beth’s appreciation of the rock anthem. “Good. That’s the way you’re supposed to feel, honey.”

But that wasn’t how Doug felt about Pauline-now, or ever.

“You’re right,” he said to Pauline. “The things you say are all at least partially correct. I felt so strongly about Beth that it wasn’t fair of me to marry you or anyone else. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Sorry?” Pauline said. “You’re sorry?”

“It wasn’t fair to you,” Doug said.

“You’re damn right it wasn’t fair,” Pauline said. “I married you because I was in love with you. I married you because I wanted to be in a good relationship, one that succeeded. You, more than anyone, knew how I needed that. You knew what I endured with Arthur, you knew I deserved better, and you promised to deliver.”

Doug said, “I promised to do the best that I could. I promised I would give you everything I was able. I’m sorry if it isn’t enough.”

“Damn right it isn’t enough,” Pauline said. “It isn’t even close to enough. I want a divorce.”

“What?” Doug said.

“I want a divorce,” Pauline said.

“Oh,” Doug said. He thought, What is happening here? Was it what he thought was happening, or was it some kind of confusing trap? He stood very still, afraid to move an inch or whisper a word. He didn’t have to be the bad guy? Pauline had read his mind and done exactly as he wished? She had asked for a divorce? Was it really going to be this easy? “All right. We can start the process when we get home, then.”

He heard Pauline sob, but he turned and left the room before she could speak. He didn’t want her to take it back. He didn’t want her to give him one last chance.

Outside, the fire raged. Roger had done a beautiful job building a fire pit, and people sat in a circle in beach chairs and on blankets. Jenna and Stuart had changed out of their wedding clothes into matching T-shirts that said Just Married. Rhonda was still in her bridesmaid dress; she was talking to Ryan and his boyfriend. Autumn was cozied up with the other twin brother on a blanket, and Finn was nestled in Nick’s lap in the scoop of a Sleepy Hollow chair. Doug stared at Finn and Nick, wondering what exactly he was seeing. If Doug wasn’t mistaken, he and Pauline had attended Finn’s wedding in October. Had something happened between Finn and Scott already? It seemed like just yesterday that Bud Sullivan was joking about how relieved he was to get Finn off his payroll. Scott Walker wasn’t here, Doug had realized that, but he thought that was because Scott had a commitment elsewhere. Doug couldn’t tell if Nick and Finn were actually canoodling or only horsing around. He hoped for the latter. When he’d thought earlier that he wanted Nick to get married, he had not been thinking of Finn. No, that would never work. Doug had thirty-five years of professional experience telling him that.

Doug took a handful of potato chips and strolled over to talk to Jenna and Stuart.

“This is nice,” Doug said. The bandleader had a guitar and started to strum the first chords of “Helplessly Hoping,” by Crosby, Stills, and Nash.

Jenna gazed up at Doug. “Have you seen Margot? I’m worried about her.”

“Not since the bouquet,” Doug said.

Jenna motioned for Doug to come closer, so he crouched by her chair. “Drum Sr. is getting married again in the fall,” Jenna said. “I think Margot might be shaken up about it.”

Drum Sr. getting married? That meant Margot would be getting him off the payroll-no more palimony. Margot could only feel happy about that, right? If Margot seemed upset, it would be because of Edge. But maybe Jenna didn’t know about Edge. Was this possible? Theirs was a family where it was arduous to keep track of who confided what to whom. Doug was grateful for all he knew, and even more grateful for what he didn’t know.

“I’m sure she’s fine, honey,” Doug said. “She’ll probably be here any minute.”

“I don’t want her to miss this,” Jenna said. “We planned this part together.”

It was comforting: the fire, the snacks, the guitar, and the singing. Doug poured himself a beer from the keg, and as he took the first sip, he realized he felt younger and lighter than he had in years.

He sat in one of the last empty chairs. He wanted to move closer to Jenna and Stuart-they were all the way over on the opposite side of the circle-but he figured it was now time to start giving his little girl and her new husband some space.

“I’m going to make a s’more,” he said. “Would someone hand me a stick?”

Beanie passed Doug a stick and the bag of marshmallows. But before Doug could skewer his marshmallow, someone shoved the back of his shoulder, and he inadvertently kicked his beer over. He turned to see Pauline, her face lit a raging orange. She held the Notebook in front of Doug’s face, and for a second he thought she was going to smack him with it.

But instead she tossed it into the fire.

“No!” Doug said. He leaped to his feet and reached out to save it, but the fire was too big and hungry. The pages of the Notebook were swallowed in a burst of white light.

There was a confused murmur around the fire. Had anyone understood what just happened? Pauline dashed for the house. Doug wanted to chase her down and demand an explanation. What the hell was she thinking? What had she just done? He collapsed into his chair; his legs felt heavy and useless. As he stared into the fire, his eyes blurred with tears.

Your father will be a cause for concern.

Doug pinched the bridge of his nose. The wedding was over. Really over. Beth’s precious words, gone up in smoke. In a way, it felt like losing her all over again. And he had never gotten to read the last page.

Doug pushed himself to his feet and walked around the circle to check on Jenna. Had she seen what happened?

No-she was curled up in Stuart’s lap with her pretty blond head resting on his chest. She was singing along with the guitar player: They are one person, they are two alone, they are three together, they are for each other. Her face was serene, as though everything was right with the world.