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Chapter 20

Cash

“Happy birthday,” Emma said in a singsong voice as I opened the door. She leaned on the doorframe, holding a plate with an oversize piece of birthday cake sitting on it like a work of art. A little fondant replica of me stood atop the cake, with a T-shirt on that said I’m kind of big deal. I laughed and dropped the box I was holding on the floor.

“He’s edible, too,” she said when she saw me squinting to read the little Cash’s T-shirt.

“Just like in real life.” I grinned.

“Ha, ha.” Emma raised a brow. “So, are you going to let me in or what?”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh yeah?” She breezed past me. “Since when? Because this is the first year I can remember that you didn’t put in a request for the flavor you wanted three months ahead.”

“Things are different now.”

Now I was on my way out. I sat down on the bed with Emma and took the fork she handed me. She took the first bite and laughed around a mouthful of red velvet cake.

“You’re right,” she finally said. “Now you’re actually old enough to do all of the illegal crap you do for fun.”

“Well, thanks for pointing that out,” I said. “Now it won’t be as fun.”

I gave up a laugh and took a bite of cake, wishing I could really taste it like I used to. It was probably going to be my last birthday cake, after all. But food just didn’t taste good anymore.

Everything left a stale taste on my tongue. Made my stomach churn with the want to reject it. I didn’t let her know that, though. Instead I shoveled a second bite in. Em and I didn’t have many of these moments left. I wasn’t going to ruin it.

“How’d you know this kind was my favorite?” I said.

“Do I look like an amateur?”

“No.” I smiled. “No, you do not.” No. She looked like the girl I remembered before her dad died.

Full of life and love and hope. She wasn’t that girl hiding in the shadows anymore, snapping pictures of a life she refused to live. She was happy. And that made me pretty damn happy. The look on her face in this moment…this was why I couldn’t hate Finn. He gave this to her when I couldn’t. I hoped

I’d get to keep these memories in the afterlife, whatever that might be. Because I wanted to remember her just like this.

“I got you a present, too.” She tossed me a wrapped package. I grinned at her and tore it open and… laughed. I held up the black T-shirt. It said I see dead people.

“I think you know me a little too well,” I said. “I love it, Em. It’s perfect.”

Emma set her fork on the plate and sighed, her eyes lingering on the packed boxes in the corner of the room. I could hear the disapproval in her quiet sigh and she brushed crumbs off her lap.

“You’re still going to leave, even after I made you cake,” she said.

“Yep.” I sat my fork down too and watched tears gather in the corners of her blue eyes. She wiped them away before they could escape.

“You don’t have to,” she said.

“I know I don’t,” I said. “But I need to.” I couldn’t have Emma seeing me like this anymore. I’d already made Finn promise not to let her see me when I got bad. And it was getting worse. Every minute that passed it was getting worse. And I didn’t want these little shadow bastards near her. She’d already gone through a hell all her own. No way was I dragging her into mine.

“I’m eighteen, Em. And the house is in my name now that the lawyers are done.” I kicked her tennis shoe with my boot. “There’s no point in putting your mom and Parker out when I’ve got my own place.”

Emma stood up and stared out the window. “This is crazy. Your own place . That doesn’t even sound right.”

“It’s not like I have the luxury of being a kid anymore.”

She sighed. “I know that.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

I stood next to Emma, wondering if this would be the last time. If it wasn’t this moment, it would be one very soon. Every ache that throbbed in my body was a big countdown clock to my departure. Did she know it? Could she feel it, too?

“We shouldn’t be talking about this right now. We should be talking about what skank you’re going to take to prom, or which stupid Steven Seagal movie you plan on torturing me with this weekend, or that art festival you promised to take me to this summer. Not this…”

“Em—”

“I don’t want you to leave me,” she whispered. “I feel like you’re giving up. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t know what to do.”

The double meaning in her words created a lump in my throat. Emma had been such a big part of me for so long, I wasn’t sure what would happen to either of us when you took that other half away. I didn’t want to know.

“I’m not giving up,” I said. “I don’t really have a choice. And this is not on you, Em. There is nothing you can do. There’s not even anything I can do anymore.”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. They felt fragile even under my weak grasp. Everything about this moment felt fragile. The ocean of unspoken words between us. The memories colliding and collapsing inside both of our heads.

The way my vision was going black around the edges. Wait…

I stumbled back and grabbed on to the white wicker dresser behind me when my legs started to give.

The room tilted off-balance. Out of the corner of my eye a shadow demon perched on the nightstand, grinning. No…

“Cash!” Emma’s hands were on me in a second, but I didn’t need her. I needed Anaya. Was this it?

God please no…please don’t let this be it. Anaya needs to be here.

I wasn’t sure when I’d made that decision, but in that moment, I knew without a doubt that it was her I wanted to see on the other side of this. Not Noah. Not a horde of shadow demons. Just Anaya and all her light, even if she was hiding something from me. Good or bad, I felt like I belonged with her.

She felt like home.

“Not yet, Cash,” Emma’s words sounded choked. “Not now, damn it.”

I vaguely noticed her fumbling with her phone to dial 911. Pain flared in my insides. The darkness spread across my vision, blocking out that last little bit of light I was clinging to.

This was it.

Well…shit. Happy birthday to me.