Breaking Brandon

Chapter Twenty-

Six

Brandon

“No! Don’t do this to me, please. I love you so much. I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry about everything. I’d do anything for you—”

The sudden and unforgiving earsplitting sound of the gun going off and then the thud of her body hitting the floor took his breath away, and he stood there, shaking. His mouth fell open as he felt his heart shatter. The tears continued to flow down his face, and when he was finally able to speak, he cried out. “Regina?”

There was complete silence on the other side of the door, and the next sound he heard was out of his own mouth as he let out an agonized wail. “Noooo!” He fell on his knees against the door, sobbing and refusing to believe it. “No!”

The pain was like something he’d never felt in his life. He knew now why she’d be so desperate to make it go away. It was ruthless, and part of him, the child in him, still wanted to believe this hadn’t happened. This was just a nightmare he’d wake from.

Moving his head numbly, he looked down, expecting to see blood dripping out from under the door, but there was none. He blinked, still not able to believe what just happened, and then his insides began to warm. This wasn’t like when his parents had passed. He wouldn’t just get over it this time and move on with his emotionless life. He knew now he did feel. He felt a lot, damn it, and what he was feeling right now would never pass.

He hadn’t lied when he told her he couldn’t live without her. Remembering the gun on the other side of the door, he sprung to his feet. With the adrenaline blazing through him now, he cursed God as he kicked the door.

“This is the life you handed me!” he yelled as he slammed his body into the door and heard it crack again. “Are you fucking mocking me?” He kicked it even harder, and this time it finally cracked open. “Well, I don’t want it! You hear me? I don’t want this fucked-up life anymore! I won’t live without her!”

Pushing the door open, his anger subsided as he saw her body on the floor, blocking the door, and he was inundated with pain again. He struggled to get the door open with her lifeless body blocking it, but he finally managed, and he dropped to his knees next to her and sobbed.

At first, he was so consumed with grief all he could think of was looking for the gun because he couldn’t take another agonizing moment of seeing his beautiful princess like that. He could hardly see straight as he continued to sob like a child, taking her body in his arms.

It was first time since the day of the burial Brandon visited the cemetery. He’d been so bitter back then he swore he’d never return. He’d told himself there was nothing here for him, no reason to come back ever, but now it was time and he had to.

Kneeling down in front of the small tombstone, he laid the single daisy over the grave. It was time to say good-bye once and for all to the belief that he didn’t need love—that he didn’t need friends and family—that he was strong because he didn’t cry, didn’t show emotion, and didn’t beg. He knew now just how much he needed all those things that for years he’d said he could happily do without. He’d never be that man again.

Feeling the gentle touch on his shoulder, Brandon looked up at his beautiful Regina. He was thankful now and would be every single day of his life that he had her in it, because he needed her. He couldn’t live without her, and he told her as often as she’d let him. He touched her hand then brought it to his lips and kissed it. She leaned over and kissed his head. “I’ll give you a moment to be alone with your dad, okay? I’m gonna be over at that bench.” She pointed.

Brandon nodded. “I won’t be long.”

She walked away, and he turned back to the tombstone: Stephen Billings, husband and father. For years, he hadn’t bothered reading or going through his parents’ things. It wasn’t until after Regina’s incident when he sat with her while she went through some of her father’s and her late husband’s things that he decided to do the same with his parents’ things. He’d buried them in a box he’d kept in storage for years, right there in San Diego.

After reading through some of his mom’s journals, Brandon realized what those demons his father had were. Like Brandon himself, Stephen had had a father who was cold and impenetrable. Unlike Brandon, he didn’t have a mother to protect him, ever. But he’d had a younger sister, a sister who his mother said his father had once upon a time shared his feelings about. Katie was the only person to ever show him love, and she looked to Stephen to protect her. He was all she had and she was his world.

Katie had died at the hands of a father who then turned the gun on himself, leaving Stephen completely alone at the age of seven. More than loneliness, Brandon’s father had lived his entire life with the agony of not having been able to save his sister. He’d failed her, and he’d never forgiven himself.

His parents met in foster care. They’d grown up together, fell in love, and married. Like Brandon, his father had sworn he’d never have children. He didn’t want to fail them as he had his sister. Then his wife got pregnant. Stephen was beside himself. In hindsight, his mother wrote in her journal that his father was a man in desperate need of psychiatric help. In her notes, she also said she saw the love Stephen had for Brandon in his eyes but that he fought it tooth and nail. Then the phobia began. The same phobia Brandon had lived with for years: that he would turn into his father. His father’s phobia of turning into the man who’d taken his world away manifested, getting worse over the years and turning him into the hateful man Brandon remembered.

If Brandon hadn’t gone years with the same fears, he was certain he wouldn’t understand. Brandon swore he’d never live in fear of his demons again because there was something much bigger he was terrified of now. Losing his world—losing Regina. He’d lived through the excruciating pain of thinking he had, and he knew with all certainty nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever be worth risking that. He’d been a changed man from the moment he first kissed Regina. But after that horrific experience, he’d live every day of his life thankful to have been given a second chance and doing everything he could to make her happy.

“I forgive you, Dad,” he whispered.

It’s what his therapist had told him he needed to do. She’d been right. It felt good to finally forgive his father. It didn’t right any of the things his father had done: All the miserable years of growing up feeling different—unaccepted—the freak of the neighborhood. All the years of not living after both his parents died because he’d been afraid. He was only glad now that he’d managed to overcome that fear when it was most important, when he’d decided to open up his heart to Regina.

She brought all this change into his life, including talking him into seeing a therapist and letting out all that he held in, all the pain he numbed away after both his parents’ deaths. It did feel better to let it out, and he knew now needing a therapist didn’t mean he was weak. He was healing, and it felt damn good to let it all out.

~*~

Regina

Watching Brandon kneeling at his father’s graveside was almost unbelievable. He’d come such a long way. She’d been surprised when he agreed to join her in seeking the therapy to help them deal with the things they were both obviously still dealing with. It was only once every two weeks, but it was already helping. Brandon had told her more than once that the day he buried his father he’d said good-bye forever and he’d never come back here again.

She knew he’d been nervous about coming here today, but she was proud of him. This was a huge step for him.

Her family still didn’t know about what happened that day in her condo. She wasn’t sure she’d ever tell them, but they’d since moved her out of there. Seeing the patched up bullet hole in the ceiling of her bathroom was a constant reminder of what she’d put Brandon through, and she didn’t want to be reminded of it anymore. Neither did he.

Shaking her head, she still couldn’t get the memory of hearing him become so hysterical out of her mind. In her haste to get up and open the door to comfort him, the ridiculously powerful gun she’d bought to make sure it got the job done had gone off in her hand. The force had been so much that she’d flown back against shower tile and had been knocked unconscious.

She’d woken to Brandon’s sobs. He’d been cradling her in his arms, but they’d been sobs of joy. He later explained that, before he was able to break the bathroom door in, he really believed he would find her dead in a pool of her own blood. He also confessed that his only thought the entire time was to take the gun and turn it on himself.

Smiling suddenly, she watched as he stood up and began walking toward her. She too stood and met him halfway. “How do you feel?” she asked tentatively.

“Good.” He smiled. “The therapist was right. I needed to do this.”

Regina wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m proud of you, baby.”

“How do you feel” he asked, pulling away to look at her.

She looked up at him, smiling big. “Excited.”

“Me too.” He kissed her. “Let’s go do this.”

Bell set the birthday cake on the table. It was considered in bad form to do any celebrating while still in mourning, but it’d been over three months since their father had died, and their mother insisted it was time. Her father wouldn’t have wanted them to mourn for weeks or even days much less months.

Romero sat in front of the cake with Romeo and Amanda on his lap, smiling big as they all sang happy birthday to him.

Once Romero finished blowing out the candles, Regina took ice-cream duty as Bell set slices of cake on plates. She smirked, watching Pat, who was once again engaged in an ongoing debate with Romero’s uncle Max on the loveseat in the living room. Those two were always going at it lately, and if Regina didn’t know any better, she’d say her sister enjoyed arguing with him a little too much.

Bell caught Regina smirking and then leaned into her and whispered, “Don’t you dare tell her I told you, but she’s had him over to her place a few times.”

Regina’s jaw fell open. “You’re kidding me.”

Bell giggled then shushed Regina as she continued slicing the cake. “The first time it was supposedly to settle a bet about making tamales.” She rolled her eyes but laughed. “She had him over, and they made a few dozen tamales together, so you know he was there for hours. Another time she said he’d offered to take a look at her dryer because she’d mentioned the timer wasn’t working, but she insisted that’s all he’d done. She thinks she’s being sneaky, but she doesn’t know Manny tells Romero everything, and according to Manny, she’s all Max ever talks about these days. He also says they get together way more often than Pat’s admitting. Pat and Max!” Bell covered her mouth, laughing. “Can you even imagine?”

Looking up at Pat, Regina saw her sister place her hand on her hip, suddenly looking completely appalled at whatever Max had just said. She then stood up and walked off toward Regina and Bell. “Uh, oh,” Regina whispered. “Looks like trouble in paradise.”

Both Regina and Bell went back to quietly filling the plates with cake and ice cream as Valerie and her girls helped pass them out. Pat came over and picked up two plates: one for her and one for Max, no doubt. She eyed Regina, who couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.

“What are you smiling about?” Pat asked suspiciously.

“Nothing.” Regina shook her head. “I’m just in a good mood. That’s all.”

Bell placed another slice of cake on the plate Regina had just scooped ice cream onto. Then Bell stopped. “Wait a minute,” she said, pointing at Regina’s hand. “What is that?”

Pat eyes were instantly on Regina’s hand as well. Regina smiled big but said nothing. She glanced over at Brandon, who was now sitting with Romero, Angel, and Manny, laughing at whatever story Manny was telling them.

She was so relieved that any awkwardness between him and Sofia’s brothers seemed to wear off even more every time they were around them. They’d all been around for her father’s services, and then later they’d been invited to Alex’s home for Sal and Grace’s baby shower. Even Eric had been civil enough, and while he wasn’t going out of his way to chat with Brandon, they’d been in the same circle of guy talk more than once.

“Gina,” Pat asked, setting down the two plates of cake she had in her hand then picked up Regina’s hand to get a better look at her ring. “Is that what I think it is?”

“I don’t know,” Regina teased and turned in Max’s direction. “Is that what I think it is?”

The smile on Pat’s face instantly went flat, and for some reason that made Regina laugh. “Oh come on! What’s the big deal?”

Pat looked around wide-eyed, pressing her lips together, and waited for Valerie to walk away with another two plates of cake. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she practically hissed, but Regina caught the humor in her sister’s eyes. “We’re barely friends. The man is incorrigible.”

Regina smirked. “Ah huh.”

“Never mind that,” Bell said, coming around the table, and took Regina’s hand in hers. “Are you engaged?”

With a giddy smile, Regina nodded. “We weren’t going to make a big formal announcement, but I was waiting for you to be done with all the formalities and sitting down to relax to tell you guys and Mom.”

Pat hugged her first, congratulating her, then Bell, which caught the attention of Valerie and Sofia, who were walking by. “What’s going on?” Valerie asked.

“Gina and Brandon are engaged,” Bell nearly squealed.

“Oh wow! Congratulations,” Valerie said, reaching out to hug her.

Next came Sofia, who smiled big. “I’m so happy for you. You two are such a sweet couple.”

Regina barely had a chance to smile and thank them when both Pat and Bell whisked her away. They walked over to Brandon and practically tackle-hugged him. Then they rushed over to where Regina’s mom sat with her aunts eating cake. Within minutes, it was all everyone was talking about, and Brandon and Regina were besieged with hugs and well wishes.

~*~

Brandon

“¡Ay qué guapo!” Regina’s elderly Aunt Benny held Brandon’s hand in her fragile little hand, nodding with a big smile. “Bien venido a la familia—”

“Tia Benny.” Regina smiled and glanced back at Brandon. “Brandon no habla Español.” She turned back to Brandon. “She’s says you’re very handsome and welcomes you to the family.”

“Oh,” Brandon said, turning to her aunt with a smile. “Gracias.”

He was grateful he remembered one of the few Spanish words he knew. He wasn’t sure what Regina had said to her aunt, but he was fairly certain she’d once again reminded her he didn’t speak Spanish. Regina had warned Brandon about her aunt ahead of time. “No matter how many times I reminded her Ryan didn’t speak Spanish, he’d had to sit and listen to her long stories in Spanish many times. She’s probably worse now since she’s gotten older. Ryan always just smiled and nodded.”

Brandon did the same thing now. He smiled and nodded as her aunt nodded back and smiled then she glanced back at Regina. “¿Le dieron pastel?” She then turned back to Brandon with a concerned look. “¿Comio pastel? Está muy bueno.”

Again Brandon smiled and nodded. Regina smiled at him and shrugged. “She wants to know if you had cake.”

“Yes,” Brandon smiled, touching his stomach. “It was very good.”

Regina’s mother came over, and the three women began talking way too fast for Brandon to keep up with his very limited Spanish. Casually, he walked away over to the big aquarium in the next room. This was his first moment alone since they arrived, and he took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. These visits with her family with the Morenos around were getting a little easier. It was always a bit tense at first, but after a few minutes, he’d begin to feel more comfortable.

“Congrats.”

Brandon turned, surprised to see Sofie smiling at him. “Thanks,” he smiled, trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt.

So far all the other times he’d had to be around her, especially since he’d been busy consoling Regina at her father’s services, she’d been the only one of the Moreno clan he had yet to speak to. He figured it’d happen eventually. He just didn’t think it’d happen when they were alone.

“Gina’s a great girl. You two should be really happy.” She glanced in the direction where Bell and Romero sat with her brother Art and his wife. “Her family really likes you too, as they should.”

Brandon smirked, nodding. “Yeah, Aunt Benny says I’m handsome.”

Sofie laughed sweetly. “Aunt Benny knows what she’s talking about.”

Feeling the smirk diminish, he took a sip of his beer, not sure how to respond to that. Sofie glanced around, a bit guarded.

“Listen, Brandon,” she said, lowering her voice a bit. “I didn’t think I’d ever get a chance to, but now that I have it I want to make sure I apologize.”

He stared at her confused. “For what?”

“Everything that happened in the past. It wasn’t fair that you took the blame for it all when I’d willingly gone along with it. You have no idea . . .” She stopped and smirked. “Well, actually you probably do have a very good idea what it was like to deal with my brothers.”

Brandon couldn’t help but smirk either. “Yeah, I have a pretty good idea.”

“I want you to know I did try to explain to them that it wasn’t all you. I even tried explaining it to Eric, but after everything that happened and given the history they had with you, it was impossible to get them to think objectively. They just weren’t seeing it. As far as they were concerned, no matter what I said, I was being naïve and it was all you.” She rolled her eyes. “I gave up trying to convince them, and after you left, I figured it didn’t matter. Even though that was a long time ago, I’ve always felt bad about it.”

Of course, he’d never tell her how much she’d affected him and for how long. In hindsight, he knew now it wasn’t so much what happened between them but when it happened. The timing couldn’t have been worse. Aside from the horrific incident he’d gone through with Regina, that year was one of the most devastating of his life. Because things had gone down with her that same year, he just always associated her with the worst period of his life. He’d been swept up into that memory, but really, the memory of the first girl he thought he had feelings for and didn’t reciprocate shouldn’t have been so tragic.

He’d since come to another conclusion, and that he would tell her. “I was angry about that for a long time, but you know what? I’m glad things happened the way they did.”

Smiling, he thought about the tattoo on his abdomen, and for one very foolish moment he considered lifting his shirt and showing it to her. He almost had to laugh, knowing that, while seemingly no one appeared to be paying attention to them, if he did, he’d be tackled on the spot.

“Shakespeare said it first, but then a very wise woman said it to me later. ‘What’s past is prologue.’”

Her eyes widened, and she seemed almost embarrassed. “I’m still no good at deciphering poems or whatever things that deep mean.”

“It just means my past set up my present, and I’m presently one very happy man.”

Regina walked up to them suddenly, slipping her hand into his. “And I’m one very happy woman.”

Sofie smiled genuinely. “And I’m very happy for you both.”

A crying baby got Sofia’s attention, and she excused herself. Regina turned to look at him, squeezing his hand and lifting a brow with a smirk. “I was jealous for a moment there when I saw you two chatting alone,” she whispered, poking him in the ribs with her elbow. “You don’t even know how lucky you are I walked up at just the right moment. You would’ve had one crabby brat to deal with for the rest of the night.”

“Crabby brat?” He grinned. “Not my princess,” he said, leaning his forehead against hers. “And trust me. I know just how lucky I am.”

~*~

Regina

“I’d say your family’s excited.” Brandon smiled, kissing Regina as he opened the car door for her.

Regina was still walking on air. She couldn’t believe what a difference a few months made. The first couple of weeks after her dad’s death had been incredibly depressing—something she’d never thought she’d get past. Luckily, she had Brandon to help her through it. With each day that passed the world got a little brighter.

She was even beginning to deal better with knowing Janecia was now also engaged to a man who owned a motorcycle—one she’d been on more than once. Though secretly she knew her dealing better with it had everything to do with the fact that Janecia was pregnant now. Not only had she told Regina there was no way she was getting on a motorcycle while she was pregnant she’d also mentioned Clay had been the one to bring up trading in his “Hog” for a better suited family SUV. It wasn’t a done deal yet, but Regina had her fingers crossed.

She turned to Brandon and took his hand between both of hers then leaned her cheek against it, feeling so blessed to have him in her life. Brandon glanced at her and smiled. “Chocolate for your thoughts.”

“Deal!” she said, smiling big.

“Chocolate-chocolate-chip waffles?” he asked, switching lanes suddenly. “They serve them all day.”

“Yes,” she said quickly with a giggle.

That made her even more excited. She’d never been into carrot cake and that was the kind Bell had gotten for Romero. Regina had barely touched her slice.

“Okay, so let’s have it,” Brandon said. “What’s that dreamy smile about?”

She didn’t want to kill their happy moment, but she wouldn’t lie either. “I truly believe you and I were meant to save each other.” They came to a stop, and he turned to stare at her but said nothing. She immediately felt choked up, but she had to continue. “I never told you this, but that day you found me in my bathroom hysterical, I had every intention of putting that gun against my head. My heart felt so hopelessly broken it literally ached with every beat. But it wasn’t until I heard your cries . . . It wasn’t until I felt how much I’d be hurting you in the process that I instantly regretted having so much as thought of doing something that would devastate you like that.”

Brandon was staring straight ahead now, his own eyes tearing up. “I’ve had some bad days in my life,” he whispered. “But that was by far the worst one ever.”

“Medication or not, I can promise you this with absolute certainty. Those thoughts will never cross my mind again. It’s not about just me anymore. I live for you, Brandon. And I’d never do that to you. Ever.”

She kissed his hand and he pulled her hand to him gently. “Good,” he said, kissing her hand too. “Because I don’t know about me saving you, but I know you saved me.” He shook his head as a single tear slid down the side of his face, and he leaned in and kissed her. “I live for you too, baby.