Breathe

Chapter Fifteen Potatoes

I locked up the library and moved to the steps, on my way home.

It was Wednesday. It had been a week and a day since they released Malachi from the hospital.

As seemed to be the case since Chace came into my life, this time had not been uneventful. Not even a little bit. It had been eventful and busy.

But surprisingly, Malachi settled in with Mom and Dad relatively well. He had some issues with Dad and the first night I left, he got agitated, very much so, so I didn’t want to leave. But Chace and Dad took me aside and told me something I knew logically but didn’t like all that much. This being that I was doing him no favors hovering when he had to get used to his surroundings. So I left with Chace. And I didn’t like that either.

Chace took me home, poured me wine and he stretched out on my couch and watched some game. As he did this, his lips were tipped up because I was pacing and fretting, something he thought was funny, something I did not. Then I called my parents an hour after we walked through my door only to have Dad tell me Mom was reading Malachi The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and all was fine.

It took two days for Malachi to settle with Dad.

It would be the weekend before he let Chace in.

This was on Saturday when Mom and Dad were at Liza and Boyd’s for Jarot’s official ninth birthday party. It was decided it was too soon to introduce Malachi to Jarot and Robbie, much less a bunch of other kids, so Mom and Dad, Chace and I were taking turns looking after Malachi and going to Jarot’s party.

I had another volunteer look after the library for me in the afternoon and Chace and I were taking the first shift. They were leaving the party early and we were going later.

By this time, the bruising around Malachi’s face was gone, he was getting around on his leg very well and the bandages were off his hands because Dad decreed, “They need air.” That didn’t mean Mom didn’t gunk them up with Neosporin three times a day. They were healing really well and within a couple of days he had no problems holding the Kindle Dad bought him even with one arm in a sling.

He loved it. Mom downloaded a shed load of books on it and he was always in a chair or on the couch, eyes glued to it but his fingers hitting buttons, testing it out, seeing what it could do. He messed it up a couple of times so Mom and I had to sort it but he learned from what he did and by the weekend, he knew more of how it worked than I did my Nook.

Chace had noticed his fascination with this so on Saturday, while I was at work in the morning, he’d gone and bought Malachi a portable Nintendo and a few games.

Although Malachi no longer got visibly anxious around Chace, he still held back from him. So when we got to Mom and Dad’s, I gave him the game but told him Chace bought it. Then, not knowing much about it, I fumbled my way around showing him how to use it.

Obviously, and fortunately, I fumbled too much. This meant Malachi got impatient and gently pulled it out of my hands and carefully wandered to Chace, handing it to him.

I tried not to cry as, without a word or making a big deal of it, Chace crouched beside him and explained how to load the game cartridge and use the Nintendo while Malachi stood close, head bent, eyes riveted to it. Then Chace handed it to him and, get this! He leaned into Chace as his thumbs tentatively moved over the game.

It… was… awesome!

As I deep breathed, Chace let him do this, watching him test out the game then he slowly straightened, guided Malachi to a chair and sat him in it, Malachi’s head bent to the game the entire time.

It only came up when Chace started moving away. Malachi made a noise in his throat, slammed his elbow in the arm of the chair so Chace went back, asking quietly, “What is it, buddy?”

He bumped the arm of the chair with his elbow twice, his eyes on Chace and they didn’t leave until Chace sat his booty on the arm of the chair and stayed close while Malachi’s head bent back to the game. Sometimes, he’d lift it up and point at things so Chace would show him what to do. But he didn’t let Chace leave him until he had it down and was absorbed in it. And more, with great patience, since sitting there watching a kid play a video game probably badly couldn’t have been barrels of fun, Chace didn’t leave him and acted like he could sit there for forever.

This was awesome too, a heart melting awesome that I didn’t know what to do with so I just felt it and let’s just say it felt great.

Half an hour later, Malachi came into where Chace and I were sitting at the kitchen table. He still had the Nintendo but also the other game and he handed both to Chace.

Then he again leaned into Chace as Chace ejected the game, set up the new one and showed him as he told him what to do.

And he stayed leaned into Chace, his thumbs on the game, his head bent to it as Chace and I resumed talking, me with a huge, fraking grin on my face, Chace often shaking his head at me in that way he did when he thought I was doing something cute, his lips tipped up.

Eventually I had to come down from my high when Mom and Dad got home and we had to go to Liza and Boyd’s.

But a half an hour later, my high came back with a whomp when Chace and I walked through Liza and Boyd’s door and Jarot and Robbie raced to him. Both grabbed a hand, hauled him in but it was Jarot who shouted to his gaggle of friends, “This is my new Uncle Chace and he’s a cop!”

Thus commenced Chace showing his badge around. This bled into Chace somehow getting conned into giving kids piggyback rides. And this somehow devolved into Chace being wrestled to the floor with a slew of nine year olds, near nine year olds and Robbie’s three six year old friends’ flailing arms and legs being mostly all I could see.

“Okay,” Liza whispered in my ear, she’d sidled up to me and at the glance I spared her after tearing my eyes away from Chace under a pile of kids she went on, “I get him. He’s hot. He’s the kinda hot a woman would forgive a lot of asshole, he’s that kinda hot. But he’s that kinda hot without the asshole part which is a plain miracle. So you giving it up to him, baby sister, I get it.” My eyes went back to her and she was grinning at me like a lunatic as she finished with emphasis, “Totally.”

I looked back toward Chace who had managed to untangle himself from the pile of kids and was standing. But he had Robbie dangling down his back with his arms around Chace’s neck, giggling his behind off and Jarot under his arm, shouting through his own giggles, “I’m gonna be a cop like Uncle Chace and arrest a bunch of bad people!”

My belly melted, my heart flipped and I whispered, “I hope we have all boys.”

“Oh no,” Liza whispered back. “Man like that, you’ve got to give him a princess.”

This thought made my belly melt more, my heart flipped then flopped and my eyes went to my sister.

“A princess,” I breathed.

“Another one,” she said gently then lifted her fingers to twitch my hair. “He’s already got one.”

God, seriously, I fraking loved my big sister.

I grinned.

She grinned back.

I would learn that night that Chace spending an hour allowing himself to be the grown man personal toy to my nephews didn’t affect his stamina.

It was a great lesson to learn.

I walked toward Main Street, my mind moving back to Malachi who had yet to speak his first word.

The child psychologist who saw him in the hospital said that this was not unusual and we shouldn’t be overly concerned. She said it was clear he had endured multiple traumas and had intense trust issues. Providing him stability and nurture, making him feel safe, gently forcing him to express himself in a way he was comfortable with and communicating to him verbally with great regularity would eventually break down whatever issues he had and he would again speak. She warned that he should not yet be asked about what led him to his hiding hole or who or what he was hiding from. He needed to be shown he was safe and he could trust those around him. When he was, and with her in attendance, questions could be asked.

But this also meant she wished to see him regularly and Mom took him to the hospital for a twice weekly schedule of appointments. There had been no breakthroughs and Chace kept reminding me that whatever had been going down with him had been happening for a while so we couldn’t expect him to snap into normal little boy behavior in a few days or even a few weeks. Chace told me I needed to give it time and be patient.

I didn’t like this either but I had no choice. It couldn’t be said that Malachi wasn’t adjusting. He was now close to me, Mom, Dad and Chace. He didn’t talk but he did smile, touch and find his ways to say things he needed to say.

So I was giving it time and trying patience.

The psychologist also noted that his socialization skills were not advanced and she pointed out the obvious that now was not a good time to enroll Malachi in school. Therefore, Mom looked up home schooling on the internet and went to the school to talk to some teachers. She also sat with Malachi and discovered what we knew. His reading was off the charts and he knew his numbers, had some basic math skills, in other words, he knew how to add small numbers. But other than that, not much.

This meant she’d begun to initiate him to some lessons without letting on she was such as asking him how many tater tots he had then after he ate two, asking him how many he ate and how many he had left. She also sorted some art stuff for him, giving him paints, colored pencils and paper and setting him up with them at the kitchen table when she cooked. She would begin a full-fledged home schooling program once she, Dad and the psychologist felt he was ready to be assessed by a teacher so they knew where to start.

The only surprising and alarming thing with Malachi was that Mom and Dad shared that it seemed he’d never seen a television set. As he had company and that company was reading to him at the hospital, we hadn’t had the occasion to turn on the set in his room when he was there.

When Dad turned their set on, they said Malachi freaked.

The same, they reported, with phones and radios.

This knowledge made Chace’s jaw get tight in a way I knew he wouldn’t explain. I also knew he was doing his thing with his brethren, including his brothers in arms and Deck, all trying to find out why Malachi was as Malachi was and what happened to him. I’d learned the night we found Malachi that Chace didn’t intend to share this with me and I also understood he didn’t because he was protecting me. So much was going on with Malachi, with life, with us, I decided to let him have this play.

For a while.

Soon, he’d learn I wasn’t a fragile doe he had to protect. Or at least I hoped it was soon.

In other words, Malachi was good. He was in a bed every night with a full belly, as many books as he could get his hands on, a video game he played constantly and no more fear of TVs, phones or radios. He had people he trusted. His smiles came often and we’d all even heard him laugh. The doctor reported his hands and leg were going to be fine with no loss of mobility and I had to believe with the way he adjusted to his new circumstances, everything would with him eventually.

He also had tons of clothes and shoes and Mom and Dad, Chace and me had a big envelope full of checks and cash.

This was because I told Sunny and Shambles about Malachi, not to mention the cops who went to that shed, they all started talking and word about Malachi flew through the town of Carnal.

There was a reason I loved my town and that reason became apparent when word got out about our boy.

Everyone I knew, Lexie and Ty, Lauren and Tate, Bubba and Krystal, Twyla, Sunny and Shambles, Wood and Maggie and a bunch of people I didn’t know came to the library or the Station and brought Chace or me clothes, shoes, belts, hats, socks, underwear, pajamas, coats, baseball mitts, Nintendo game cartridges, books, you name it… and money. Money for his hospital bills, money to help Mom and Dad and not a little bit of it. Within a few days, we had over five thousand dollars. That day, Mrs. Bagley gave me a check that took us well over ten.

Carnal took care of its own and wherever Malachi hailed from, he was claimed as one of theirs. They heard about him and they did what they could. Some gestures were small. Others, grand.

All beautiful.

I was thinking this as I walked up the stairs to my apartment, knowing Chace was there. Tonight was the first night since Malachi was released from the hospital that we weren’t eventually heading to Mom and Dad’s to check in. This was Chace’s decree. Our night. Alone time. Just a night, just Chace and me.

The Sunday after Jarot’s party, we’d taken the next step in our relationship. He’d given me the key to his house and a garage door opener. I’d given him the key to mine. We spent time at work, at Mom and Dad’s with Malachi, doing our everyday things like Chace going to Chantelle to swim, me going to the gym, so the day could end in either one of our beds. But the day always ended with us together in whichever one it turned out to be.

Although Chace had not yet shared his dark secrets, I knew even more now with how he was with Malachi, my nephews, the easiness he had with my parents, the way he was with me, that whatever they were wouldn’t faze me.

I was in love. Not with an idea. Not with a dream. With a good man who had demons but treated my parents with respect, young boys he barely knew with kindness and generosity and me like I was the most precious thing on earth.

Knowing he was at my house making twice baked potatoes to go with steaks he’d broil, I didn’t bother with the key. I turned the knob and walked into my apartment, grinning to myself, looking forward to a just us evening and not having that first fraking clue I was walking into a very different Chace.

I closed the door, saw him standing by my computer, hands to his hips, looking hot.

I started to smile but the smile died and confusion reigned when he spoke.

“I’ve got a girlfriend?”

My head dipped to the side. “What?”

“I’ve got a girlfriend,” he stated and something about the way he stated it, something in his tone, the look on his face, the line of his body, made me brace.

“Uh…” I hesitated when he said no more, “I think so. Her being me.”

He jerked his head to my computer and what he said next made me realize when I braced, I didn’t brace enough.

“Your friends Benji and Serenity think somethin’ else.”

Oh no.

Oh frak!

I totally forgot. Things had been so busy, I’d been spending so much time with Chace, at Mom and Dad’s, it had been weeks since I had a full on conversation with either of them.

I had sent a few emails, just cursory updates and reminding them I hoped they’d backed down from their sleuthing.

But I hadn’t shared about Chace partly because I didn’t have time for big explanations. But also partly because I wanted to keep him to myself and I wanted to make sure it would last, that it was real before I told them. I did this because I’d have to admit I’d lied to them about Chace having a girlfriend. I also did this because when they heard, they’d be angry I lied to them but over the moon that Chace was with me. And I didn’t want them to get excited about something that wasn’t all I’d dreamed it would be, dreams I’d shared with them for years.

There it was yet again. Lying always, always got you into trouble.

“H… how –?” I started and Chace cut me off.

“Got on to check the game time, barely got that fucker booted up when screens popped up. They’re pissed, baby. Seriously. You haven’t been available to them but you haven’t been forthcoming why. And they got things to share,” he leaned toward me and the way he did made me lean slightly back even though he was ten feet away, “about The Elite.”

Uh-oh.

“Chace –” I whispered but said no more because he lost it.

I knew he lost it because he roared… yes… actually… roared, “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

My heart started thumping in my chest.

“Chace –”

“Take your goddamned coat off and get away from the door,” he growled and my head jerked.

“Wh… what?”

“Take,” he took a step toward me and I stepped back, “your,” he took another step and so did I, “goddamned,” another step for him and me, “coat off.”

“Why?” I whispered and kept retreating as he made it to the door and stopped.

I then watched in fascinated horror as he flipped the deadbolt and set the chain then turned to me.

“Do it, Faye.”

“You’re kind of scaring me,” I said softly.

“Yeah?” he asked, tipping his head sharply to the side. “Good,” he bit off to finish.

“It’s not good,” I whispered.

“Oh yeah, it is, honey,” he whispered back. “You should be scared of me right now. You should be scared of me because I am extremely pissed off. And I’m extremely pissed off because you and your band of misfits have been doin’ something so fuckin’ stupid I can’t even explain to you how stupid it is. And the reason it’s stupid is because it’s dangerous.”

“Chace, it –”

He interrupted me to rap out, “It what?”

“We –” I tried again but he cut me off again before I could say two words.

“You what?”

“Please let me speak.”

He didn’t.

He leaned forward and thundered, “Misty got dead because of those assholes.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“So, she got dead, you and your two buddies thought it was smart to play with that kinda fire? Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Faye, how could you be so goddamned stupid?”

“I told them to back off,” I said softly.

“Well, they didn’t,” he fired back. “They got names, Faye, they got a lot, and all of it they should not have. They should not know. I do not know those two but I know you.” He lifted a hand and jabbed a finger at me. “And I like you. I didn’t fuckin’ like my wife but I still didn’t want her on her knees, terrified, a cock forced in her mouth, her face raped before she got holes blown into her. So if that shit happens to you,” he jabbed his finger at me again, taking a step toward me before rocking to a wooden halt, “I… will… lose… my… goddamned mind!”

But I was frozen, head to toe so it took a lot of effort to force out my, “What?”

“Yeah,” he ground out. “Semen on her face, darlin’, in her stomach. No one knows but a bunch of cops, most of them dirty, and me, the same and her fuckin’ husband. Last thing Misty did on this earth was give a blowjob and not one she wanted to give. Before he fuckin’ took her life, he fucked her goddamned face.”

My entire body started shivering as I stared at him and tried to process this horror.

“That why you were up there that night we met?” he asked and when I stared at him blankly, shivering, shocked at this new knowledge, he barked, “Answer me!”

I jumped and whispered, “Ye… yes.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” he yelled, turning, he swiped my perfume bottle off my dresser, shifted and with a scary, powerful sidearm throw he threw it across the room so it shattered against the bricks at the other side of the apartment.

I blindly took quick steps back, going at a diagonal and slammed my side into the kitchen counter. My body registered the pain so I stopped.

His burning eyes scorched back to me and he clipped out, “This world, Faye, the one you actually live in is not a fantasy.”

“I… I know,” I said softly.

“Bad shit happens.”

“I know,” I repeated.

“Happily ever afters are not fuckin’ guaranteed.”

“Chace –”

“You can be you, good, sweet, kind, generous, loving and still get your face raped and holes blown through your beautiful body and no hero’s gonna ride in and save you from that shit because you’ll be fuckin’ dead.”

“Pl… please calm down, Chace, and let me explain.”

“There is no explanation for this stupid fuckin’ shit, Faye,” he fired back and I stared at him.

Then I squared my shoulders and whispered, “There is.”

He studied me a second before he threw his hands out to his sides and invited sarcastically, “Dazzle me.”

“I was doing it for you,” I told him softly and he shook his head, moving toward me but I stood my ground.

“Wrong answer,” he growled.

“It affected you, Misty’s death. I saw it, how it upset you and, you know, I, well, I had a crush on you before –”

I stopped speaking because suddenly he rushed me and before I knew it both his hands were on either side of my head, his face was all I could see and he whispered, “Shut up.”

I didn’t shut up.

I kept going in a whisper.

“I didn’t like to see you suffer.”

His hands pressed in and he clipped low, “Shut up, Faye.”

I didn’t shut up.

I kept talking.

“I wanted it to stop.”

“Shut it.”

“I wanted it to stop. I wanted you to be free.”

His face got closer and he growled, “Shut it.”

I again didn’t shut up.

I gave him all of me.

“I wanted you to notice me.”

He used my head to yank me into him then one of his arms closed around me so tight I couldn’t breathe, his other hand curled around the side of my head, pressing my cheek to his chest and he bit out, “God damn it.”

My fingers curled into his sweater at his sides and I kept at it but I had to do it on a breathless wheeze. “It was stupid. I knew it when Benji and Serenity started turning up stuff so I tried to stop them –”

His hand flexed into my scalp but his arm around me loosened slightly as he whispered in a voice that seemed torn out of him, guttural, leaving damage in its wake, “Seriously, Faye, fuckin’ shut it.”

I shut it.

He held me close and I held onto his sweater for what seemed days before I felt him shift but only his head so his lips were at the top of my hair.

“Fuck me, what am I gonna do with you? Even when I wasn’t with you, you tried to take my goddamned back,” he muttered there and it was not a question for me so I decided not to answer.

His hand slid from the side of my head to my jaw, he tipped my head back and I hesitantly looked into his face, relieved to see he was no longer pissed way the frak off but that didn’t mean he wasn’t openly troubled.

“You fucked up, Faye.”

I slid my lower lip to the side and bit it before letting it go and whispering, “I think I got that.”

“Now is not the time to be cute,” he warned.

I pressed my lips together.

He closed his eyes and pulled breath in through his nose.

Then he opened his eyes and ordered quietly, “You get on your computer and you talk those two down. I don’t give a shit what you gotta do. Get their promises. Get them to vow on whatever geek shit you guys hold sacred that they are not gonna do one more thing on this gig. You have to, you tell them I’ll hunt them down and arrest their asses for whatever bullshit I can dream up with illegal wire taps and hacking. Then we hope they haven’t got on radar. And we hope more they haven’t put you on radar. Because knowin’ that shit happened to Misty when my ring was on her finger, I didn’t want it there or not, eats at me every fuckin’ day. That shit happened to you, it’d kill me but not before I hunted down the man who did it to you and I made sure he was dead. I am not jokin’, not even a little bit. So get on your computer and sort their asses, baby, and do it now.”

Cautiously, my heart beating hard even as it hurt, for him and for Misty, I asked, “Did that really happen to Misty?”

“Question and answer time is after you sort those two. Not now. Go, Faye, and don’t make me tell you again.”

One could say he was being supremely bossy in a way I did not like.

Still.

Eats at me every fuckin’ day.

Frak.

Misty.

So instead of sharing with him I didn’t like him being that kind of bossy, I whispered, “Right.”

I let his sweater go, he let me go and I hustled across my apartment, taking my coat off as I went.

I threw it on an armchair then I sat in my desk chair.

On the screen I saw either Benji or Serenity had started a three person chat and there was a line of Faye, you there? over and over again.

I scrolled up, saw Chace had entered the conversation pretending to be me which wasn’t cool but I decided to share my thoughts about this when he hadn’t just lost his mind.

I took a deep breath and I put my hands to the keyboard.

Actually, guys, you were talking to Chace. Now, it’s Faye and I’m here.

Nothing then, What?!?!? This from Serenity.

And What the frak?!?!? This from Benji.

Typing hesitantly, (yes, you could type hesitantly), I shared, Chace and I are kinda together.

More nothing then, What?!?!? This from Serenity.

And What the frak?!?!? This from Benji.

Oh jeez. Here we go.

Well, actually, Chace and I are more than kinda together. We’re REALLY together. And now he knows what we’ve been doing since he was here and turned on the computer. Your chats popped up. He joined as me. You spilled the beans and he’s a little peeved. That was me finishing on an understatement.

You got to be fraking kidding!!! This was Benji.

OMG! What the hell?!?! This was Serenity.

I typed a bunch of stuff, explaining my lie (I hoped). Explaining Chace and I getting together. Telling them about Malachi and all that went down. Finally explaining why Chace was pissed, including the scary, alarming, heartbreaking new info about Misty but skirting over Chace being terrifyingly angry. Though not skirting over it too much in the hopes that they’d understand and finally back down.

So, to end, it seems this might put me in harm’s way. Chace doesn’t like that much so you have to stop or he’ll arrest you or end up on a hunt to kill the man who violated and killed me. Obviously, if this is my possible end, I’m also asking you to help with not making that happen and backing down. I finished.

There was again nothing until Serenity popped up with, It’s kinda not cool he pretended to be you.

I’ll talk to him about that later after I assure him I won’t end up riddled with bullets in a ditch because we’re being stupid. I replied.

That was when Benji came in with, I cannot fraking BELIEVE you two are TOGETHER!

I can’t either, I shared.

Is it good? Benji asked.

How to answer that?

I decided on, On a scale of one to ten with ten being how good I was sure it would be, it’s about seven thousand, six hundred, and twenty-three.

Whoa. Serenity typed. Then, Righteous.

Fraking AWESOME!!!! Benji put in.

So, seeing as I’m with the man I’ve been crushing on for forever and it’s that good, I’d like to keep it that way WITHOUT him being pissed at me. Can you help me with that? I asked.

No probs, Benji answered instantly.

Then nothing.

Serenity? I prompted.

We’re close. She pointed out and I sighed.

Maybe, maybe not and maybe we’re close to me coming to an untimely demise because we stuck our noses into something we shouldn’t. I returned.

Inara, I get you, but there’s still a murderer to be caught. Serenity replied like catching murderers was her job. Which it could be, I didn’t know. I just knew this particular murder wasn’t her job to solve (maybe).

Serenity, girl, stand down. Benji urged.

Serenity, honey, you are where you are, wherever that is, and I’m here. Someone is already DEAD. Someone else might have recently got dead because of this. I do not want to be strike three. This isn’t real to you but I’m living it. What we’re doing, from Chace’s response, tells me I could be in the path of destruction. You might be enjoying this but it isn’t fun for me. The fear I’ve been feeling as you’ve been uncovering things hasn’t been fun for me either. Something I already told you. Last, Chace was seriously pissed and although it wasn’t cool he pretended to be me with you two, honestly, in a weird way, he had the right to be. I get you but please get me. Back down. Promise me. Stop everything. For your sakes, for my sake and also for the sake of Chace and me. I begged.

Nothing from Serenity until, Oh, all right. Whatever. I’ll stand down.

Swear on any possible future, no matter how slight, that Nathan Fillion could kiss you, the universe would take that opportunity away if you keep up with ANY of this. I pressed.

Yeesh, Inara, I said I’d stand down. Serenity evaded.

Swear. I demanded.

Nothing then, Fine. I swear on losing the opportunity to kiss Nathan Fillion that I’ll stand down.

I sighed with relief because that was so big it was huge but I typed. Thank you.

Is he there now? Benji asked.

Yes. I answered.

What’s he doing? Benji asked and I looked to the kitchen to see Chace was doing something at the counter.

Cooking dinner. I answered.

Sah-fraking-weet. Benji repled.

Pictures, sister, seriously. He’s yours, you’re tight, we want files. Serenity ordered.

I could do that.

So I replied. Okay but I have to go. I’m hungry and Chace might still be a little mad.

Go! Benji urged and finished on, Pictures!

Inara? Serenity on-line called.

Yes? I on-line answered.

Cool for you. I get you holding it close. But I’m really happy for you. Serenity typed.

Me too, darling. Benji added.

Thanks guys. I replied wishing one day I’d meet them at the same time knowing it was a high probability I wouldn’t which sucked because they were cool and really, when you got down to it, the best friends I ever had. So I finished with, Sorry I’ve not been around. I’ll keep in better touch.

Girl! Serenity shot back. Nathan was in my kitchen cooking dinner, I would NOT be on the computer talking to you.

This was true. She wouldn’t.

Friends fit in your life, Benji added. They don’t take away from you living it.

Seriously, really, I hoped one day I met these guys.

Love you guys. I told them

Right back at you. Serenity told me.

To the moon and back. Benji said.

I sighed.

Go to your guy. Serenity urged.

Okay, later guys. I agreed.

Later, Inara. Benji said.

Later, Faye. Serenity typed.

I closed the chat and went off-line without looking to see what went down when Chace impersonated me partly because I didn’t want to know and partly because it might make me mad and we’d had enough of that for one night. Then I made a mental note to reprogram my chat software so it didn’t log me in on startup.

Out of the corner of my eye, a glass of wine appeared with Chace’s fingers around the bowl. I watched him set it on my Wonder Woman coaster and then tipped my head back to look at him.

“Did they vow on Luke Skywalker’s light saber that they’d stand down?” he asked. I saw he was no longer pissed, there was a teasing light in his eyes but that didn’t mean he didn’t still look troubled.

“Something like that,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes and reaching for my wineglass.

I felt the tips of Chace’s fingers under my chin so I looked up at him again. The second I caught his eyes, he demanded softly, “Assure me they’re done.”

“They promised me they’re done,” I assured him just as softly.

“Okay,” he muttered, leaned in and touched his mouth to mine.

Then he straightened, turned and sauntered to the kitchen while I watched and sipped my wine.

He hit the kitchen and called, “Deal is, I bake the potatoes and broil the steaks. You twice bake the potatoes. Potatoes are baked, darlin’. You’re up.”

“Chace,” I called back.

He closed the fridge his head was in, came out with a beer and his eyes came to me. “Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll never speak to me and scare me like that again no matter how pissed you are at me.”

I saw his beer disappear as both of his hands went behind the high counter that cut the kitchen from the other space but his eyes didn’t leave me when he ordered, “Come here, Faye.”

“Promise me,” I pushed.

“Baby, come here,” he called gently.

My body started to move but my mind shut it down and I repeated, “Promise.”

He held my gaze and I let him.

Then he spoke.

“You fucked up, Faye,” he told me, still talking gently but loud enough for me to hear across the apartment.

“I know,” I agreed.

“He raped her face. I’m not a woman, I can’t call it but I’m guessin’ that isn’t much better than violating other parts of her.”

I was a woman but I luckily didn’t know either. That said, my guess, it wasn’t.

“I didn’t know that,” I reminded him.

“You knew she was dead,” he returned.

I did know that.

I remained silent because he had a point. But I stayed where I was because I felt I did too.

We held each other’s eyes in silence and this lasted a long time before Chace ended it.

“Never hurt you.” His voice was soft but firm. A vow.

“You scared me,” I told him.

“No, honey, you scared me.”

“What?” I whispered but he heard it because he answered.

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Chace –”

“You in my life, me livin’ in hell, feels like I’ve been touched by an angel.”

I stopped breathing.

Was he serious?

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do,” he repeated.

He was serious.

I forced air in my lungs.

Chace kept talking.

“See them in my head, her footprints in the dirt on the trail. She was wearin’ heels. She stumbled. She fell. He drove her on. Her knee prints in the clearing where he violated her. They were yours, those were your last moments, no drama, no joke, I’d lose my mind.”

“It haunts you,” I said softly but he again heard me.

“Damn straight. I didn’t want her but that didn’t make her not mine.”

Oh God, Laurie was right.

I stood and reminded him, “You didn’t kill her, Chace.”

“I didn’t protect her either.”

Oh God. Laurie was so right.

“Has it occurred to you that you couldn’t even if you tried?” I asked.

“Yeah, Faye, but I also didn’t try,” he answered instantly.

Oh God.

I reminded him of something else. “She trapped you into marriage.”

“That make it okay she died that way?” he asked swiftly.

“Of course not,” I answered just as swiftly.

He studied me a moment before asking, “You’re so okay with Misty gettin’ done the way she did and me holdin’ no responsibility for that, why are you so far away?”

At that, I moved to him, I did it quickly, setting my wineglass on the counter as I rounded it and went right to him. He turned to me as I got close and I fitted my front to him, rested my hands on his chest and tipped my head back to look right in his eyes.

“I suppose,” I began to give in, “since I’m not doing anything else as stupid as being the de facto ringleader of a band of amateur computer sleuths, I won’t have to be worried you’ll get that pissed at me again so I also suppose this conversation is moot.”

He lifted a hand, slid my hair off my shoulder than wrapped his fingers around the side of my neck, his other hand still curled around his beer on the counter and his lips twitching as he noted, “Bet I’m the only man banging a woman in Carnal who uses the words ‘de facto’.”

“This is likely,” I murmured and his fingers at my neck gave me a squeeze.

His voice was low and serious when he ordered, “You forget what you know about those men, who they are, whatever they uncovered and shared with you.”

I nodded.

“You tell anyone about that shit?”

I shook my head.

“Think hard, Faye. Lexie? Lauren? Even Twyla?”

I kept shaking my head and whispered, “No, Chace. No one. I even lied to Krys, Lexie and Lauren when I let it slip about going to Harker’s Wood and I never lie. Or um, I very rarely lie.” God! No more lying! “No one knows,” I concluded.

“Right,” he muttered.

I took in a breath then I leaned deeper into him and asked quietly, “How do I help you let go the responsibility you feel for what happened to Misty?”

“Don’t get dead like her,” he replied immediately.

“Okay,” I whispered hoping a frak of a lot I managed that then went on, “But other than that.”

His eyes moved over my face as his hand slid up to my jaw then his thumb slid over my lips before going back and he answered, “No fuckin’ clue, baby.”

I was still whispering when I told him, “I hate that happened to her.”

“Me too,” he whispered back.

“I don’t know what happened but maybe, if she was playing with fire, with Arnold Fuller, what she did with Ty, maybe it was her who got herself burned.”

Chace pulled in a breath.

Then he admitted softly, “She was playin’ with fire.”

There it was. A little of his “dark”. Not much but a little. Thank God.

“She didn’t deserve it but it isn’t your fault,” I told him softly.

“Okay, Faye.”

“Seriously, Chace.”

He dipped his face close to mine and he whispered, “Okay, Faye. Seriously. You’re right and you don’t even know how right you are. She got messed up with people she thought she could play, she made her deal, didn’t get out of it what she wanted, rethought things and the people she’d fucked along the way and wanted to do right. They knew she was wavering. They took her out. Lucky for Ty, she wavered and fell the right way before they gave her the ultimate fuck in more ways than one. So yeah, they could have done her in my house and they’d have found a way to do it without me bein’ able to stop it. Okay. I’ll work on lettin’ it go. Now can you smush up the fuckin’ potatoes and add shit that makes it taste good so we can eat before you go to bed at midnight?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“Good,” he muttered.

I pressed my lips together, fighting a grin, hoping I got through even a little bit and I started to move away but his hand sliding back down to my neck and curling in a way that got my attention stopped me.

“I’ll do everything I can not to get that pissed at you again,” he promised on a whisper looking me straight in the eyes.

My heart skipped.

Yes, I was precious to him. He had a right to be pissed. I had a right to be scared. But I knew he’d stop it before it happened again and he’d do it for me.

Touched by an angel.

Yes.

I was precious.

“Thank you, honey,” I whispered back.

“Potatoes.”

“Right.”

His fingers dug in as he dropped his head and touched his mouth to mine before he let me go, I moved away and turned my attention to the potatoes.

“You gonna memorize the pattern of my chest hair or are you gonna get off me and read until two in the morning?”

At Chace’s question, I stopped doing what he said I was doing, running my eyes and fingertips over his chest hair and I tipped my head back to look at him.

I was on top of him wearing one of my nighties. He was under me, not wearing anything. He’d made love to me. I’d cleaned up, come back to bed and climbed on top of him. Thus commenced my avid perusal of his awesome chest hair.

“The house smells like my perfume,” I said quietly and this was no lie. I’d cleaned it up while Chace did the dinner dishes (even washing!) but the smell was still strong.

“I’ll buy you another bottle tomorrow,” he muttered, his hands moving over my skin low on my back and my booty. He’d slid up my nightie to gain access and, as ever, this felt nice.

“Chace,” I whispered then didn’t know how to go on so one of his hands dipped low and cupped my behind.

“Promised I’d try not to get that pissed again,” he reminded me softly.

“It isn’t that,” I told him.

“What is it?” he asked.

I took in a breath and let out the words. “You impersonated me with my friends.”

“Yep.”

I blinked.

That was his reply. Yep.

“But –”

“They were all over you and didn’t lead in slow. First it was about me and how you weren’t with me but I was with someone else and it degenerated from there. I get why you’d be pissed but I think you get why I did what I did.”

“How would you feel if I did something like that to you?”

“I was doin’ somethin’ fucked up, like lyin’ to my friends about you or puttin’ my life in jeopardy, I got caught out, I hope I’d have the balls to own it and take my licks.”

This fraking sucked because it was a really good answer.

I had no idea I scrunched my nose thus communicated this to Chace until his body started to shake under mine, his arms closed tight around me in order to slide me up and I focused on his face to see he was smiling.

When he got me face to face with him, he left one arm angled across my back, hand cupping one cheek of my bottom. But his other hand lifted and he tucked my hair behind my ear, his eyes watching before his hand cupped my jaw and his thumb stroked my cheekbone and lips.

When he started doing this, he asked gently, “Why’d you tell them I was with someone else?”

“Well, um… because, uh –”

“Faye.”

Frak.

“It was after that kiss at the Station that went bad,” I said quickly.

I saw his eyes flash with remorse but I powered through.

“They knew I’d been crushing on you for a while. The whole mission with finding out who killed Misty was about easing your pain and getting you to notice me. So, I had decided I was going to avoid you at all costs after that happened at the Station and that meant avoiding discussing you with them. So I lied and said you’d moved on. I didn’t share when things happened for us because I wanted to make sure it was real and good and might last before I blew up their pretty bubble. We’ve never met but we care about each other a whole lot so I didn’t want to blow up a bubble that would just as quickly burst.”

“This bubble isn’t gonna burst, baby,” he whispered and my body melted into his.

“I hope not,” I whispered back.

His eyes dropped to my mouth as his thumb slid over my lips and he muttered, “Best kiss I ever had.”

My head tipped to the side and his eyes came back to mine as I asked, “Pardon?”

“In the Station. Best kiss I ever had.”

I melted more into him and whispered, “Chace.”

“Fought the pull of you. Lost.”

Oh God. I liked that.

“Honey,” I breathed, my hand sliding up his chest to his neck.

“Was comin’ home from Deck’s, saw your lights on, late. Didn’t even think about it. Stopped and sat in my truck on the street lookin’ up at your apartment, wonderin’ what you were doin’ up so late. Five seconds later, there you were on the street, oblivious to everything. Told myself not to follow you. Followed you. Fuckin’ glad I did.”

“You knew where I lived?” I whispered.

“Knew where you lived. Knew where your parents lived. Knew what you drove. Knew where you worked. Knew what you ordered at the diner. Knew everything I could know about you.”

Oh my God!

That was huge.

My fingers dug into his neck and I kept whispering when I said, “Chace.” But I couldn’t think what else to say.

“Best thing I ever did, goin’ after you,” he whispered back. “Got my dance with you. Led to different kinda dances with you. Best thing I ever fuckin’ did.”

His words affected me so deeply, since I couldn’t hold it up anymore, I dropped my head and buried my face in his neck.

His hand at my jaw slid back into my hair and his head turned so his lips were at my ear.

“Love your hair, Faye,” he murmured.

And I loved everything about him.

Absolutely everything.

I didn’t tell him this. I lay on top of him, feeling the power of him under me, the warmth of his hand on my behind, his fingers sifting through my hair and I memorized every nuance of it.

Finally, Chace broke the silence.

“You gonna read or fall asleep on top of me?”

“Fall asleep on top of you,” I muttered into his neck.

His hand fisted gently in my hair, his fingers dug into the flesh of my bottom and he replied, “Works for me.”

It worked for him.

Touched by an angel.

I sighed. After a while, my thumb running back and forth under his jaw in a mindless caress stopped, this telling Chace I was asleep.

Chace

Chace stared at the ceiling, Faye curled into him, asleep after he’d rolled into her and took her to his side to turn out her light, taking her with him when he twisted to turn off his.

The Elite.

A good nickname.

This meant her friends knew who these people were.

What they didn’t know was that these people made it their business to know everything.

Everything.

Most especially everything that might make them vulnerable.

“Fuck,” he whispered, Faye stirred and he forced his body to relax.

She settled.

Chace didn’t.