Breathe

Chapter Five Chocolate Peanut Butter Sundaes

I waited until the afternoon when my Tuesday volunteer, Mrs. Bagley came in to help out before I went to my office and grabbed my cell phone.

I’d spent all morning trying to decide who to call. I was closest to Lexie and knew her the longest but she’d made it clear she wanted me to try things with Chace so I didn’t think she could be objective. Krystal could maybe be objective but I wasn’t sure about that. She seemed kind of hard, not to mention, even though I knew deep down she was good people, she frequently scared me. I didn’t know the rest of the posse enough to share.

This left Lauren.

But choosing Lauren wasn’t a process of elimination so much as her being the best choice.

I didn’t know what it was but there was just something about her that was special. Something that made you know she’d have your best interests at heart. Listen. Advise thoughtfully. She was more mature, experienced. It wasn’t that Lexie and Krystal weren’t all that but they were more opinionated.

I needed someone to really listen and after they did, advise.

In the end, I was pleased to know I chose well and made note of it for (hopefully) future counseling sessions as things (hopefully) moved forward with Chace.

When I called her, I could hear the bar sounds in the background but when I asked her if she had time to chat, I heard them fade then go clean away after she said yes.

So I told her everything to the minutest detail that happened between Chace and me. And it was fair to say I remembered the minutest detail.

Through this, she listened.

When I was done, I asked quietly, “Well?”

“Was there a question, honey?” she asked quietly back.

“Yes,” I told her. “Should I have pizza with Chace?”

There was humor in her voice when she replied, “I thought that wasn’t exactly a choice.”

“It wasn’t then,” I replied. “When he was pressed up against me after kissing me and being all… I don’t know… intense and growly and manly and saying nice thing after nice thing all, well… intense, growly and manly which made him sound like he really, really meant them. At the same time acting like the alpha male who just beat the rest of the world’s alpha males in hand to hand combat and after had climbed up a mountain of their carcasses and was thumping his chest and grunting, ‘Faye, my woman!’ It’s hard to say no then. Now, when he’s not around, I’m remembering all the times he didn’t say nice things and I’m reconsidering.”

Lauren burst out laughing.

I had to admit it was kinda funny.

At the time, it was also more than kinda hot.

But, because of the last part, I didn’t laugh because that was more than kinda scary.

I did wait for her to finish before I whispered, “Laurie, he kinda freaks me out.”

“Yeah, Faye, honey, I get that,” she whispered back then went on in a gentle voice. “I also get why. I’ll tell you this, a girl is any kind of girl to you, she’ll have your back. She’ll listen and she’ll give advice and she’ll do her best to do well at both. But what you have to get is that the only advice she can give is from experiencing her own dramas or listening to her other girlfriends’ dramas and watching them play out. In the end though, your girl and her friends are not you and the men in their lives are not Chace. So you have to learn something difficult. How to pay attention, think, read signs at the same time listen to your heart. Sometimes, these can be contradictory and that’s where your girls can help. But, in the end, you have to pay attention to all of that, make your decision, do whatever you have to do and if your girl’s any kind of girl, she’ll have your back then too. No matter what happens.”

“Okay,” I said softly, thinking that was nice and all but not entirely certain that it helped a whole lot.

Luckily, Lauren wasn’t done.

“That said, I’ll tell you about Tate and me. The part that coincides with what might be happening with Chace is that a long time ago, Tate’s life was derailed. Totally. It was unexpected and he didn’t handle it well. Not because he isn’t smart, strong or a good man, just because life can sock you in the gut, wind you and before you get your breath back, it can turn to shit and then two decades later, you find you’re still stuck in it. He got stuck. He pulled it partly together but he didn’t pull it totally together until he found me.”

I drew in breath and Lauren must have heard it because she went on quickly.

“This is not to say I believe only a woman can heal a man or at this early stage with things with Chace you need to take on the burden of healing his wounds. The man, or woman, has got to want a better life for themselves. They have to want to get past their issues. They also have to be willing to share that load. If they don’t, a woman can work and slave and she’ll never get anywhere. But if they want that better life and are willing to work at it, finding someone who genuinely cares, who wants to help, who is honest and thoughtful and generous and, Faye, the hardest but sometimes the most important of all, forgiving, can do wonders to assist along this journey. What I will say is that along the way that care, honesty, generosity and forgiveness can grow into love and love, honey, real, nourishing love, I truly believe, can heal anything. Because if you love someone, you’ll want a good life for them and for yourself and you’ll do anything to make that happen. That’s what Tate and I found. It wasn’t easy, we both had our issues, but we finally recognized it and I know he’d fight and die to keep it and I’d do the same.”

Wow. That was so awesome for her.

“I love that you have that, Laurie,” I whispered.

“I love it too, Faye,” she whispered back. “But I’m not done.”

“Okay,” I replied, pleased because all that was good too and I was glad she had that with Tate. I felt it kinda had something to do with Chace but I still was unsure.

I heard her take a breath then she said, “What happened to Tate was an accident. A fluke. What happened to Ty was not. He was purposefully targeted, had his power stripped and some men, that isn’t good. Some men, they don’t bounce back. Lexie has told me a bit, Tate is tight with Ty and he’s told me a bit too. I don’t know all that went down with that so I don’t know if what I’m guessing happened is what happened. But Lexie and Ty had some issues and this had to do with Ty struggling with having his power taken away. He’s a man and men think they have to do what they have to do even if it’s not the right thing to do. Some men lose sight of the fact that their women are there to support and protect them too. Ty lost sight of that and he nearly lost Lexie. I think what happened with Chace is more like what happened to Ty.”

I felt goose bumps rise on my skin and I asked, “How?”

She didn’t hesitate to answer.

“It isn’t a secret that he didn’t marry Misty for love. I don’t know what happened with that either. I just know it seems he was forced to do something he did not want to do. I don’t know Chace Keaton except in passing. But I live with a man like him and am surrounded by them. That could not have gone down very well. He had his power stripped too.”

“Oh God,” I breathed because I hadn’t thought of it like that but now, thinking of it, and kinda knowing him, I knew it could be true.

“Yeah but worse for him, he’s that kind of man and he’s also a cop. He’s taken an oath to serve and protect a bunch of people he knows and an even bigger bunch of people he doesn’t know. I think he’s established with what he’s done at the CPD that he takes that oath seriously. So I think we can take it as read that his protective instinct is finely honed. I think we can move on from that that regardless if Misty was his wife because she or someone forced that on him, she was still his wife. His. If a man like Chace Keaton puts his ass on the line to protect an entire town, I cannot imagine it sits well with him that, right under his nose, his wife was shot to death, he liked her or not.”

“Oh God,” I breathed again even though I already guessed this. Laurie saying it out loud made it clearer, harsher and far more sad.

“And the way he treated her, on top of his power being stripped as well as her being killed, I figure all of that is tied up with him feeling not a small amount of guilt that he didn’t look after her. When Dalton McIntyre was hunting women in our area and Neeta went down, Bubba lost it because he’d been partying so much, he wasn’t seeing to Krystal. Out of that came a reconciliation and marriage. You know Jim-Billy who comes into the bar?”

Everyone knew Jim-Billy. Everyone loved Jim-Billy. He was a sweet, old coot who lost his wife in a sad way, he never got over that so he spent nearly all his time at Bubba’s. He also almost lost his life saving Lauren from a psycho. Everyone loved him because he was a sweet guy but when he saved Laurie, everyone started to adore him.

“Yeah, I know Jim-Billy,” I told her.

“Well,” she went on, “Jim-Billy’s wife died in a house fire when he was on the road and he blames himself because he didn’t change the batteries in the smoke detector when no one knows if that would have helped, if she could even have been saved. I got over what happened to me easily because I had Tate but he beat himself up for a while because he felt he didn’t protect me. Men take this shit personally. They think they can stop it when they can’t. It’s likely what happened to Misty was going to happen no matter what Chace did. But Chace won’t see it that way. He liked her or not, he’s probably taking it personally.”

“So what you’re saying is, Chace has a lot of demons,” I surmised.

“Yeah, honey, that’s what I’m saying,” she replied. “But I’ll tell you more. First, a man like that is worth care, honesty, generosity and forgiveness. Second and most important for you right now, a man like that does not have a woman kiss him and he doesn’t like it and he kisses her back. If he doesn’t like it, he’ll set her away. If he likes it, he’ll kiss her back. He liked it when you kissed him, Faye. Maybe too much to deal with when he’s dealing with demons the size he’s got. But he most definitely liked it.”

I liked that.

A lot.

So much something mortifying and painful became not so much of either.

I didn’t tell Laurie this.

I just whispered, “Okay.”

“I’ll also tell you that if a man like that wants a woman to leave him the fuck alone, he does not go after her in the dark in order to walk her home. He does not chase a kid for her. He does not dance in her apartment with her at midnight. He does not bring her coffee. He does not kiss her. He does not enumerate all the things he likes about her including the kiss he insinuated he didn’t like. And he especially does not make a date for pizza.”

Her voice dipped quiet.

“Bottom line, baby, he likes you. Not a little, a lot. He’s struggling with shit and he’s taken that out on you. I know the insults he hurled at you stung, boy do I know. I also know some men, or at least men like that, are not real good with exploring their feelings. So stuff comes out of their mouths they can’t control and don’t mean. With Chace, I don’t know, it could be even more. It could be his head is such a mess, he wanted to protect you from that and was trying to push you away by being deliberately cruel when he didn’t mean a word of it. Now, what you need to do is read the signs, listen to your heart and decide if you want to offer this man care, honesty, generosity and forgiveness and have pizza with him.”

She hesitated, let that sink in then went on, still talking quietly but now gently and giving me the honesty.

“It could all turn bad, Faye, it could, no doubt about it. But it could all end up being better than you ever dreamed. That’s your decision. That’s your risk. Straight up, if I was in your shoes, I’d take your risk. I’d do it again and again and again. I’m not lying. I’d relive every minute I’ve shared with Tate, even the ones when things were insane or they hurt or they were confusing, and I’d jump for joy if I was offered the opportunity to do it on a continual loop for eternity.”

“Wow,” I whispered.

“Exactly, honey, wow,” she whispered back.

“I think I’ll have pizza with him,” I decided and heard Lauren laugh softly.

Through it, she said, “I think in a couple of weeks or months or however long it takes for you to break through, I’ll bake you a cake to celebrate. Just you, me, cake, champagne and both of us smug in the knowledge that we set the world to rights while your world was tilting crazily.”

I hoped I got the chance to eat Lauren’s cake.

I really, really did.

“I’ll take you up on that and bring the champagne,” I told her.

“It’s a deal,” she replied.

I took in another breath and stated, “Now I have another problem.”

She hesitated before she asked, “And that would be?”

“Well, what do I wear for pizza at my place?”

At that, Lauren again burst out laughing.

This brought me to now, after work, in my apartment, at two to seven wearing what Lauren suggested I wear. Something comfortable but not something that said I didn’t care enough to make an effort. A nice pair of jeans. My most kickass dark brown leather belt. The plum scoop-necked, long-sleeved top I wore to work. The three-tiered necklace with the tiny spiky bits that hung down and the silver hoop earrings that I also wore to work.

I’d taken out the bobby pin and brushed my hair. I’d sprayed perfume in the air and ran through it because I wanted to refresh the scent but I didn’t want it obvious I refreshed the scent and I had no clue how to do that. So I tried the spray in the air and run through it route and I was hoping it worked.

I’d done my breakfast dishes and wiped down the counters. I’d made my bed that morning but I still made sure the pillows were extra fluffed, the comforter was on the bed perfectly right and smoothed out. I’d tidied away my packs of gum. I’d stacked books. I’d lit candles. And I’d adjusted my unwind playlist (temporarily) to take out “Holding Out for a Hero”, attached my iPod to the stereo and pressed play.

I’d also typed out a new note for the boy and printed it.

I was pretty certain I’d made the right decision to be in my tidied house in nice jeans, with a subtle refresh of scent, soft music playing and candles burning instead of being in Wyoming by the time Chace got there.

This did not mean, considering this was only the fourth date in my life, my first date with Chace, the man I convinced myself I was in love with thirteen years ago and it was happening in my apartment where my bed was an open part of the décor, I wasn’t a nervous wreck.

I was.

Totally.

And completely.

Being thus, I dashed to the kitchen, nabbed a piece of gum and started chewing it.

Then I spied my Firefly Serenity model and my Xena chakram and I wondered if Chace watched geek TV shows. I couldn’t envision Chace watching TV at all. Even when he was having lunch at the diner, he brought work with him and worked while he ate. Even when Lexie sat with him, they talked, he smiled, she laughed and he still worked through it. Maybe he didn’t watch TV at all. Maybe he did and he only watched gritty shows like re-runs of The Wire and Homicide: Life on the Streets and never missed an episode of Southland watching the whole time, nodding his head thinking they got it spot on.

My eyes went to the clock on my nightstand and I saw it was two after seven.

Frak! He was late.

“Okay, all right, just two minutes. Maybe my clock is fast,” I muttered to myself coming to the realization I was chewing gum.

Chace had thoroughly, deeply, expertly and very, very effectively kissed me while I had gum in my mouth that morning. This didn’t mean, when I sorted out my head, it didn’t mortify me after he was gone that I had gum in my mouth when he kissed me.

“What am I thinking, chewing gum?” I was again muttering to myself which I was pretty certain was a precursor to insanity.

I went to the kitchen bin, hit the top, it slid open and I spit out my gum.

A knock came at the door while I was engaged in this activity therefore I sucked in a breath that was part air, part gum saliva and instantly started choking.

Oh God! I was going to die of choking while Chace stood outside with food for the boy, a sleeping bag, pizza, beer and wine and I’d never get my first date!

I rushed to the cabinet, grabbed a glass, filled it with water from the tap and sucked it back, calming the choking when another knock came at the door.

I slammed the glass down, ran to the door, pulled off the chain, flipped the deadbolt and threw it open to a narrow-eyed Chace who took one look at me and asked, “Heard you choking, are you all right?”

“You’re beautiful, a good kisser, this is our first date, my bed is in the room, I’m nervous as all heck and I just thought I was going to die choking after spitting out gum so no, I’m not all right.”

Yes, that’s what I blurted, word for word.

Chace stared at me.

I stared back both wondering if I could will myself to melt like the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz and if that was what Laurie meant by honesty or if it was a tad over the top.

These questions were answered when, first, I didn’t melt. And second, Chace took a step in, dumped a big bag with a sleeping bag in it on the floor, caught me with one arm seeing as the other one was holding up a pizza box and yanked me into his frame.

I collided with some force so my head tipped back which was advantageous for Chace seeing as his was coming down and suddenly his mouth was on mine.

Then his tongue was in my mouth.

In the end, when he lifted his head, my arms were around him his neck, I was plastering myself to his long, hard frame and I didn’t care at all my bed was about ten feet away.

Swimming through the happy daze his kisses created, I focused on him to see his eyes warm and sexy and moving over my face and I heard him ask quietly, “Still nervous?”

“No,” I whispered.

“Good,” he muttered. “Now take the pizza, honey. Serve it up. I’m starved but I have to go downstairs to get the rest of the shit.”

“Okay,” I replied but didn’t move.

“Baby, you gotta unwrap your arms from my neck to take the pizza,” he prompted, his lips tipped up.

My eyes fell to his mouth.

I really, really liked his lips tipped up.

Those lips said, “Faye,” and his arm gave me a squeeze.

My eyes darted back to his, my arms slid from around his neck and I muttered, “Pizza, serving it up.”

He let me go. I took the pizza.

Then his fingers trailed along my hip as he said, “Be back in a second.”

I nodded to him feeling his fingers trailing on my hip like they were still there even though he was gone.

Jeez, I had to get myself together.

I decided to do that by serving up pizza. I had the placemats on the counter in front of the stools, the plates, red pepper flakes, parmesan cheese, salt and pepper all on the counter and was pulling down a wineglass when he got back.

I stared.

Chace walked to me carrying five grocery bags.

“Uh… not sure buying the entire store for that boy is good, Chace. If he’s living on the street, the rest of the homeless population in Carnal will fall on him like vultures,” I remarked.

Chace made it to the kitchen, hefted up the bags and they made a loud, multi-clattering, cacophony of thumps when they landed.

Then he turned to me. “Got one homeless guy in town, darlin’. He calls himself Outlaw Al. He celebrated his seven hundredth birthday this year and looks it. You talk to him, he’ll swear he was the one who shot Billy the Kid. Every feral cat in Carnal will claw you soon as look at you but of any day or night, one or a dozen of ‘em will be curled into Al like he’s their Momma. He has two teeth. And I don’t see good things for his dental future since Shambles and Sunny built a small lean-to behind La-La Land so he’ll have some protection from exposure. He was much obliged for this effort. Moved in while Shambles was still hammering in the nails. He mostly stays there except when it’s his time to howl at the moon. And Shambles gives him baked goods he doesn’t sell. I think our kid’ll be good.”

I stared at him.

Then I asked, “You know all of that about a homeless man called Outlaw Al that I’ve been living in this town near to my whole life and not only never heard of, but have never even seen?”

Chace shrugged off his jacket, tossed it on the island, moved to me and got close. I shivered when he lifted a hand and his eyes watched it pull the hair over my shoulder before it moved to curl around my neck. His eyes came back to me and he kept telling me about Outlaw Al.

“I know, you give it to him, he’ll give his cats wet cat food but he prefers tuna. As for himself, canned corned beef, Vienna sausages, Spam, chili, ranch-style beans, Shambles’s day old baked goods and Colt 45.” His lips tipped up and he finished, “Your Dad wouldn’t approve but no roughage.”

“How do you know all that?”

“He told me and when I give him shit, he gives me orders for shit he actually likes. So I buy him shit he actually likes because, homeless or not, he dumps it if he doesn’t like it.”

“You buy Outlaw Al food?” I whispered and learning this knowledge, seeing the sleeping bag, the bags of food. Knowing about the cameras on the library and the all out effort to find one, lone runaway boy that Chace was spearheading even though he supposedly handed off to Frank. With all that, I could swear that Ella Mae was singing “Holding Out for a Hero” straight in my fraking ear.

“Me, Frank, Betty and Krystal,” he answered and Ella Mae muted.

I blinked then asked with disbelief, “Krystal?”

His lip tip turned into a full-fledged grin, he bent so he was closer to me and he shared, “She’s hard on the outside and that’s the God’s honest truth. Tough as nails. No one gettin’ through unless Krystal herself opens the gate. But inside, honey, always on the inside of anyone, you’ll find something else. Some people let you in right away. Some people you gotta dig. Some people never let you in and give you a show that’s a total lie. Some people, like Krystal, you gotta earn a place inside. And Krystal’s inside is soft and sweet and good.”

“Has she let you inside?” I asked quietly.

“Not for thirteen years. Then, six months ago, I came home after a day that was shitty for me when the rest of the town was celebrating huge, walked through a slew of reporters to get to my door and found her sittin’ in my dark living room. She broke in at the back. She was drinking my vodka. The first thing she said to me before she poured me a glass neat was, ‘You done good, Keaton.’ We shared a shot in silence and she climbed out my bedroom window. I’m not sure that’s inside but I think, with Krystal Briggs, that’s as good as it’s gonna get.”

“With Krystal Briggs, I think that’s huge,” I whispered, his grin turned to a smile and I got lost in it before he turned away.

He went to the bags. I pulled myself together and went to the cutlery drawer.

My ears perked up when he said, “Anyway, some of this shit isn’t for our kid. It’s for dessert.”

I grabbed forks, knives and the bottle opener, asking, “Dessert?”

He was pulling stuff from the bags and taking it to my fridge as he answered, “Chocolate peanut butter sundaes.”

That sounded awesome.

“What’s that?” I asked, looking over my shoulder at him moving around my kitchen (and liking what I saw) while setting out the silverware.

“Ice cream, loads of syrup, a huge whack of peanut butter, whipped cream, ground peanuts and cherries. My Ma used to make ‘em for me.”

Simple but undoubtedly amazing.

I mentally subtracted one slice of pizza from my evening’s intake and added another “whack of peanut butter” to my dessert intake as I reached for the bottle of wine he’d put on the counter.

I was preparing to open it when I found my hands empty of wine and corkscrew and my head tipped back to look at Chace to see he had both.

“My Dad didn’t teach me a lot. One thing he did teach me was that a woman doesn’t pour her own drink,” he explained.

Ella Mae started singing in my ear again.

“Oh,” I mumbled.

“Set out the pizza, baby,” he ordered gently. “I’ll take two slices to start.”

“Okay,” I kept mumbling then set out the pizza.

I hefted my booty on a stool while Chace poured my wine. He set the glass by my plate, grabbed a bottle of beer out of the six pack, put the rest in the fridge, used the bottle opener end of the corkscrew to open his beer then he joined me at the counter.

I stared down at the pizza taking it in for the first time. It appeared to be meat lovers in the way that Outlaw Al liked canned meat. That was to say I saw pepperoni, sausage, bacon, hamburger, ham, pancetta and what appeared to be chorizo. It also had mushrooms, olives and peppers.

I was celebrating the fact that I was still only twenty-nine and had yet to suffer from heartburn as I nabbed the parmesan cheese and started sprinkling.

It hit me we had silence as it hit me I was the hostess at the same time it hit me that it was kind of important Chace found me interesting. Part of being interesting was being a good conversationalist. We’d never really had problems talking but we’d also never been in a normal situation that would require normal conversation.

I was suddenly nervous again.

Therefore I started talking.

I did this to my pizza as I cut into it.

“You said your Dad didn’t teach you much. Are you two not close?”

“I hate him with everything that’s me.”

I blinked at my fork spearing the pizza and my knife sawing at it, turned my head and looked at Chace to see he was not a fork and knife pizza person. He had the slice in his hand and he was chewing.

“You hate him?” I whispered.

Chace swallowed and aimed his eyes at me.

“With everything I am.”

“That’s, uh… definite,” I noted.

“Yep,” he agreed then bit off another mouthful of pizza.

I went back to mine, muttering, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

I’d forked it into my mouth when Chace asked, “We gettin’ to know each other?” And I looked at him again.

I chewed and nodded.

He nodded back and kept talking. “Then that’s somethin’ to know about me. Hate my Dad. Tight with my Ma but she’s sensitive. A little flighty. She forgets shit, gets wound up about it, gets clumsy, breaks things, gets wound up about that then she takes a pill or has a drink, lies down for a while and it’s all good again. It’s just her. When she’s not like that, she’s sweet and loving. She does a lot of charity work because she likes it and means it. It isn’t a way to pass the time and get in the society pages. She genuinely wants to help. She doesn’t have a lot of friends not because she’s not friendly. But because she doesn’t have the constitution to put up with people that are full of shit, users, manipulators or backstabbers and there’s a lot of those in her circle. So she focuses her energy on people who matter and give good energy back. She isn’t stupid but she doesn’t always do rational shit and most of the time it’s funny but some of the time she gets herself jacked up, which also gets her wound up.”

He took a bite of his pizza chewed while I watched, swallowed while I watched then finished.

“She loves me, I love her. I don’t get to spend the time I’d like with her ‘cause she lives two hours away and my father is an asshole so if he’s there, I’m not. And she makes fuckin’ good sundaes.”

“Well, there you go,” I said quietly and he grinned.

“There you go,” he mumbled and took another bite of pizza.

I turned my attention back to mine and had shoved some in my mouth when he asked, “Your folks?”

I looked at him, chewed, swallowed, put my knife and fork down and grabbed my wine. After I took a sip, I put my elbow to the counter, held my wineglass aloft and answered.

“My Dad is awesome. He’s wise. He’s funny as all get-out. He loves me. He loves my sister. He loves my brother even though he wants to kick him up the backside a lot. And I love him. My Mom is also awesome. She’s wise but in a quieter way than Dad. Same with her being funny. She loves me. She loves my sister even though she wants to wring her neck a lot. She dotes on my brother which I’m no psychologist but I think that’s why he does stuff that makes my Dad want to kick him up the backside a lot.”

“Where do you fit?”

“Middle,” I told him. “My sister, Liza, is three years older. My brother, Jude, is three years younger.”

I took a sip of wine while Chace grabbed his second slice and asked, “Why’s your Dad wanna kick his ass?”

I put the wine down and went back to my pizza, answering, “Well, he doesn’t anymore. Jude joined the Army a year ago. Dad went to the Catholic Church when he enlisted and did a hundred Hail Marys in gratitude and we’re not Catholic.”

I heard Chace chuckle, shoved pizza in my mouth, turned my head and smiled at him while chewing.

“So why did your Dad wanna kick his ass?” he amended his question.

I swallowed and told him, “Because Jude was a pain in his and everyone else’s. I love my brother. He’s a fun guy. He’s the fun guy. But he takes zero responsibility for anything. He got kicked out of college. He got fired from his first three jobs. He’s lived in four states in six years. He’s had seven thousand girlfriends. All of them nice, sweet, smart and beautiful and any of them we met, the family loved them. A winning combination that’s hard to find. But Jude tossed them aside like they were skanky, drunken, one-night stands he picked up at a Blue Oyster Cult concert when he was blotto and woke up to a fifty-three year old woman who’d been drinking a bottle of vodka for breakfast and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day since she was thirteen.”

Chace’s body was shaking, his mouth was grinning and his voice held a deep tremor of humor when he remarked, “That’s quite a description.”

“I read so I have a vivid imagination,” I explained.

“No,” he replied quietly, his voice holding a different kind of tremor that sent a thrill gliding over my skin. “You’re Faye so you’re cute.”

“There’s also that,” I said, going for breezily but it came out wheezily.

His hand shot out, hooked me behind my neck and I found my body moving toward his as my eyes stayed glued to his until they were forced to close when his head descended and his mouth touched mine.

As fast as it happened, his hand clenched into my neck, guiding me back to settle on my stool and he let me go.

But the beautiful tingle of his lips brushing mine remained.

He took a bite, chewed and swallowed. I sawed off a bite, put it in my mouth, chewed, swallowed then went after my wineglass.

“So Jude’s good?” Chace took us back.

I nodded, returned my glass to the counter, grabbed my pizza crust, gnawed off a bite and looked to him to see he was reaching for another slice.

I swallowed and kept sharing.

“He took to the Army. Called Dad, they had a man to man heart to heart and Jude explained stuff to him. Apparently, Jude needed discipline. He really likes it. He wants to be career Army. Non-com officer. And we’re not talking Corporal but a Sergeant Major. He’s really into it. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Dad did a stint in the Marines, was really proud of it and talked about it all the time while we were growing up. Jude was big into sports so he knew how to be on a team, follow the lead from a coach but still be a leader within the team. I guess his last rebellion was joining the Army, not the Marines but Dad isn’t complaining.”

I took another bite of crust as Chace asked quietly, “You worry about him?”

I shook my head while chewing and swallowing and answered, “Funny, less now than I did before. Before, he didn’t have a squad of brothers at his back. Now he does. That doesn’t mean I don’t worry but I’m happy Jude found something he’s into, a place he fits, a place he belongs. So I focus on that.”

“Smart,” Chace muttered and I gave him a small grin and went back to my crust.

Chace fell silent and I did too. This had the unfortunate effect of making my mind wander. Where it wandered to was that he stated plainly he hated his Dad and he also immediately jumped all over helping the boy. I worried there was a correlation there and I worried through half my second slice.

“Gone quiet,” Chace murmured and I pulled in breath, put my cutlery down, grabbed my wineglass and looked at him.

Before taking a sip, I asked, “The cameras, Chace, a good idea but does CPD usually expend those kinds of resources for an unknown kid they don’t know what’s happening to him?”

“Feed tapes will go to the interns because they need shit to do. Cameras are not CPD’s. They’re a buddy of mine’s. So it isn’t CPD resources being used since they aren’t paying the interns.”

“You seem to be going all out for a boy you don’t know,” I noted quietly and cautiously as I set my glass aside and his eyes came to me.

Then his body turned to me.

“So are you,” he noted back quietly.

“Dad says, a wrong is just wrong no matter who’s doing it or who it’s done to. If you know someone’s doing wrong, you do what you can to right it. If you don’t, you’re no kind of person he’d want to know. And I want to be the kind of person my Dad wants to know.”

“Right,” he replied but said no more.

“So that’s why I’m doing it. Why are you?”

His brows went up slightly and he answered, “Faye, honey, I’m a cop.”

“But you’re going all out,” I reminded him. “Are things, um… slow at the Station or something?”

He grinned, leaned slightly toward me and said, “No. I’ll admit, I’m not goin’ all out for this kid just because I’m a cop. I’m doin’ it because it means somethin’ to the town’s pretty librarian.”

I held my breath as my heart fluttered and Ella Mae started singing in my ear.

“Now,” he continued, “what I’d like to know is what you were really asking.”

Laurie said care, honesty, generosity and forgiveness.

I didn’t know if what I was going to ask fit into any of those except “honesty” but I hoped it also fit into “care”.

“You hate your Dad,” I said gently.

He shook his head, leaned closer and put a hand to my leg, sliding it up so his pinkie pressed against the bend in my hip and I tried to focus on his words and not his warm hand on me or where it was when he spoke.

“My Dad’s a dick. Lookin’ back at my life, he was hard on me, too hard, hard in a way I’d never be to a kid but I was not mentally abused. He’s got a way he sees life and men and how they conduct themselves and we do not see eye to eye on that. That’s okay when you’re a kid. But when your son starts becomin’ a man and he doesn’t do one fuckin’ thing to lose your respect, you should give it to him including respecting the points of view he’s developing and the ways he’s beginning to look at the world. My Dad didn’t do that. He wanted me to be who he wanted me to be and refused to accept anything else. I guess I’m like him in that way because I refused to be anything else but the man I wanted to be. This meant we clashed. I skipped a grade and left for college when I was seventeen. Never went home again for more than a week or two, even for summers, found jobs that would take me away. This was because he never quit pushin’ it. I never quit pushin’ back.”

“That doesn’t sound fun,” I whispered because it really didn’t and I didn’t like it that he grew up like that.

“It wasn’t,” he agreed.

“I’m sorry.” I kept whispering.

“I am too,” he replied then carried on. “Got worse as I got older because he never got over it. He hated me bein’ a cop. Still does. Came to visit in order to tell me just that. Not regular but more than once and once was one time too many. Life happens, shit happens and it came to my attention more of the man he is and it’s not good. He cheats on my Mom. He does it repeatedly. He’s done it since the beginning. I’m not down with that.”

I pressed my lips together to hold back the words that hit the tip of my tongue and Chace, exhibiting again he could read my mind, read it.

I knew this when his hand went away from my leg but only to go under my stool and yank it his way, twisting at the same time so I was facing him. Then he pulled his stool closer to me, his legs splayed wide so they surrounded mine, his hands came to either side of my neck and he pulled me to him so our faces were close.

I put my hands on his (very hard, fraking heck) thighs because I didn’t know what to do with them then I didn’t have to think about it because he spoke. When he did, he did it quiet, gentle, honest, scary and sad.

“Things go good between us, one day I’ll share in full about all the shit that’s gone down with me including me and Misty. But you live in this town, it’s a small town and it is not lost on me that people talk and a lot of that talk the last six years has been about me and Misty. What you have to know now, us startin’ out, knowin’ or thinkin’ what you do about me and her and how I behaved, wonderin’ if you wanna take a chance on me is that I didn’t love her. I married her because I had to and it’s gonna sound whacked and confusing as all fuckin’ hell but I did it to protect my mother. Misty knew, goin’ in, because I told her, that I had no intention of being a husband to her in any way.”

His fingers gave my neck a squeeze and he leaned even closer to me before he kept going.

“Any way, baby. We didn’t sleep in the same bed. I didn’t kiss her good morning or goodnight. We didn’t eat dinner together. I didn’t tell her when I was goin’ or when I’d come home. I didn’t make love to her, not once after we were married. Before it, I had her but what we did was never makin’ love. There’s a difference and she never got that from me. I told her straight up our marriage was a piece of paper. She wanted that out of the deal she bargained for and she got it. But she didn’t get me. As far as I was concerned, she was a roommate I didn’t like much.”

When he stopped talking, I felt it necessary to comment so I did.

“You’re right, Chace, that is confusing.”

He grinned, it wasn’t with humor but something else. Something I didn’t get. Maybe sadness. Maybe bleakness. Whatever it was wasn’t good so my fingers automatically gave his thighs a squeeze.

When they did, he kept talking.

“This isn’t easy to explain. And I gotta tell you, honey, I’m feelin’ both fuckin’ thrilled I got the chance I never thought I’d have to do it and lost because I have no idea how to do it and make you understand somethin’ that, from the outside lookin’ in, did not look good. So I’ll just do it straight up. I didn’t see it as cheatin’ on her because in my heart I wasn’t married to her. She meant nothing to me. She trapped me. She did it willfully. She used a way that was seriously jacked. It put my family in harm’s way and in some fucked up place in her head, she thought after she could make me fall in love with her once she had me legally bound to her. I knew her before, in town, in bars and in my bed. She knew the man I was. How she could think for one fuckin’ second she could pull that shit and win me, I don’t know. But she did. Then she quickly learned different. I was not nice to her. While she was breathin’, my thoughts were, she bought that. She didn’t want it anymore, she could walk away and demonstrate she had some good in her and give me the gift of lettin’ me be free. But I’ll admit right now, I was not nice to her partly to make her leave me fuckin’ be. When she wasn’t breathin’, the way I treated her fucked with my head. She was not a good woman. But no woman, good or not, deserves to be shot dead.”

“That’s true,” I whispered.

“It is,” he agreed.

“Chace?” I called. I did it softly but I did it like I didn’t have his attention when he was so close, he was practically all I could see and it couldn’t be argued that I had his complete attention.

“Yeah, baby.”

“I don’t know if you heard the talk. Or I don’t know if someone talked to you about the talk going around town. But you should know that everyone knew something like that happened. And you should know no one blamed you for what you did when you were married to Misty. You should also know everyone always liked you. They wanted better for you. Including me.”

I watched in awe as something washed over his features, something warm yet raw, beautiful but hideous and I felt my chest burn witnessing it.

Then he closed his eyes and pulled me to him so our foreheads were touching.

That felt sweet.

Way sweet.

Beautiful.

I kept talking and he opened his eyes and moved me an inch away as I did.

“You should also know that no one liked Misty but they all agree. They didn’t like her. They figured she trapped you. Everyone knew she lied about Ty Walker. They thought that was crazy and mean and they couldn’t wrap their heads around it. But no one wanted her shot dead.”

“Good to know,” he murmured.

Since his voice was quiet, his hands were warm and strong and we were so close, I felt it safe to keep going.

So I did but haltingly.

“I can’t… I don’t… I mean, I don’t know all that went on and I can’t imagine what it feels like, to be trapped like that, and I really hope I never do. But pretty much anyone in your position would do the same thing so if you’re blaming yourself or feeling guilt about any of that because Misty came to an unexpected dire end, you really shouldn’t.”

“Wish it was easy as that, honey,” he whispered.

He felt guilt.

Frak.

“I do too,” I whispered back then forced a smile at the same time I gave his thighs another squeeze and shared, “But I’ll let you in on a girl secret. A lot of things feel better after a chocolate sundae. So, I bet, you add peanut butter, chopped peanuts and a cherry, it might not sweep all that clean, but it’ll help if only for a little while.”

I hardly got the “ile” out in “while” before one of his hands slid up into the back of my hair and instead of us just being super close, we were super, ultra close because he was kissing me.

Chace tasted of beer. It was the only time I’d ever tasted beer that I absolutely loved it.

I leaned into the kiss, letting the happy haze Chace created whenever his mouth was on mine drift over me. When he ended it, one of my hands was holding tight to the side of his neck, the other pressed deep into the hard wall of his chest and I was breathing heavily.

It seemed to take a year for my eyes to open and I did not care even a little bit because when they finally did, Chace was smiling a small, warm, beautiful smile at me.

Then he was speaking.

Or, in his Chace way, gently ordering.

“Eat your pizza, baby, so I can make you a sundae.”

What could I say?

Except, “Okay.”

Which was exactly what I said.

Then I did exactly what I was told.

And I did it knowing that it was no skin off my nose to eat the pizza so he could make me a sundae since his sundaes sounded awesome.

But I also did it knowing I’d walk to the ends of the earth hand in hand with Chace Keaton and all he had to do to get me to do it was kiss me deep, smile at me, hold my hand and call me baby.