Carla

Chapter Seventeen

When Carla stood at the curb in front of the Hotel Tiffany waiting for the doorman to hail her a taxi, the sun was shining down and the air was warm. The weather suited her mood. She felt good and glad to be alive. Her mind was made up, her body rested from a good sound sleep, her skin clean and fresh from the shower.

A taxi pulled up to the curb and Carla slipped a coin into the waiting palm of the doorman. Then she hopped into the cab and gave the driver her address. She rolled down the window and let the wind toss her hair a little. It felt good.

Decisions were a nuisance. She never liked them and supposed she never would. Although she appeared on the outside to be a strong woman, she knew that this was not really the case. A strong woman wouldn’t have the problems she had, and if she did she would manage to solve them quickly and expediently.

She took a deep breath of the fresh air and held it in her lungs. Decisions, decisions, decisions. They were so damned hard to make, and she went to sleep the night before with no notion in her head as to what course of action was best for her.

But when she awakened there was no decision to be made. She knew instantly what she would do.

When she told Charles he hadn’t said anything. He kept his face impassive and simply showed her to the door. But she sensed that he agreed that her choice was the wise one, the only one that would permit her to be happy.

For a second her mind clouded over with doubt. Was it definitely the proper choice? It had to be, she told herself. It simply had to be.

She leaned back, relaxed and lit a cigarette. By the time the cigarette was a stub to be thrown out the window, the cab had reached its destination. She alighted from it, paid and tipped the driver, and walked slowly to the front door of her home.

Her hand reached instinctively for the doorbell. No, she decided, leaving the bell unrung. No, she didn’t need to disturb Lizzie. She fumbled in her purse for her key and fitted it in the lock. The key turned and the door opened and she stepped inside.

It was good to be home. She opened her mouth to call Lizzie but again decided to leave the girl to her work. She hesitated in the vestibule, undecided as to what to do first. There seemed to be a million things to do and she didn’t know where to start.

Slowly she walked from the vestibule to the living-room. Her purse hung loosely at her side. She entered the living-room and started across it when her eyes suddenly darted to the large arm-chair.

Danny Rand was seated there, his eyes burning angrily into hers.

Carla opened her mouth but no words came out. She was totally stunned. What was Danny doing here? His presence in itself was alarming, and the look of hate in his eyes was overpowering.

She took an automatic step toward him. Then he stood up and his countenance was so disturbing that she withdrew a step.

“You bitch!”

For one hysterical second she was positive that he was going to kill her. “What are you doing here?” she stammered.

“What do you want?”

He only stared at her.

“How did you get in?”

“Through the front door,” he said. “The same way you got in. After you left I remembered that you didn’t have a car, so I went downstairs to take you home. By the time I hit the street you were gone.”

“I... I took a taxi.”

“That’s what I figured. Anyway, I drove over here to see you. I took a short cut and waited for the cab to get here, and after half an hour I went to the drugstore and called here.”

“I wasn’t home.”

“No kidding. So I went back where I was and waited for you. After waiting another hour I knew you weren’t coming, and then I figured out that you were already home and wouldn’t talk to me. It figured, and it was possible that the cabby beat me to your place.

“So I waited. I waited all night and I slept in the car because I didn’t feel like going back to my room, and in the morning your husband left for the office and I rang your bell. The maid let me in, and that’s when I found out.”

“You didn’t come home all night!”

Her hand fluttered to her throat. She couldn’t speak, realizing what he thought she had done. There was a lump in her throat and when she tried to swallow the lump stayed where it was.

“All right,” he repeated. “Where in hell were you?”

“Danny,” she began haltingly. “Danny, I can explain. If you’ll just let me...”

“What’s there to explain? Don’t you figure I can guess where you were?”

She shook her head desperately.

“I know where you went, damn you. You were with a man.”

“No,” she said. “It’s not what you think. If you would just let me—”

“Shut up! Can you deny that you spent the night with a man? Can you?”

“Please,” she said weakly. “Please.”

“Shut the hell up with your pleases.” His right hand had tightened into a fist and she could see the rigid tendons in his forearm. He took a step toward her and his face was inches away from hers. She wanted to run but her feet wouldn’t move from the spot.

“Well? Just answer yes or no. Were you with a man or weren’t you?”

“I—”

“Dammit, yes or no!”

She wanted to scream. If he would only let her start at the beginning she could make him understand, make him see that she stayed at the Tiffany because she couldn’t come home. But she knew that he wouldn’t understand. Danny would leap at once to the conclusion that was obvious, inevitable, and totally inaccurate.

“Yes.”

The word had tumbled from her lips almost of its own volition, and once it was said there was no way for her to recall it. She saw the way his eyes went blank and then blazed anew with increased venom, and she wished she could explain but there was no opportunity for her to do so.

“Of course,” he said. “Of course you were. Well, how was it?”

“Danny—”

“How was it?” His voice had risen to a scream.

“Danny, you don’t understand—”

“I sure as hell understand! How was it? Was he better than I was? Did you moan when he did it? Did you wriggle around under him like you used to with me? How was it?”

She shook her head soundlessly.

“The bitch crawls out of one bed and into another. Maybe this time you picked a smart guy — one who won’t make the same mistake I did. Maybe you found a guy who wouldn’t even dream of falling in love with you — much less marrying you. You won’t have to string him along like a goddamned puppet. Is that how it was?”

“No,” she stammered. “No, no, no.”

“No, no, no,” he mocked. “I bet that’s the first time you ever said no to a man since you lost your cherry. But I want to hear more about how you spent the night. Was it good? How many times?”

“Stop it,” she said. “Please.”

“How many times?” he repeated. “You better tell me all about it. Give me a good description; maybe it’ll help me improve my technique for the next round-heeled Mrs. Richbitch I meet, the next little tramp on wheels who pulls me down into the grease for a fast piece.”

She didn’t say anything, and suddenly she saw that he couldn’t hold his temper any longer. His breath was coming shorter and his fist was swinging at his side. He stepped closer and she could feel his hot breath in her face but still couldn’t do anything. She wanted to run but there was no place to go.

“Go ahead,” she said softly. “Go ahead — beat me up if you want.”

“Is that what you like? You want me to beat you around like a sadist? Are you a pervert, Carla? Is that what you want?”

He drew back his fist.

“No that’s not what I want.”

“It isn’t?”

She shook her head. “No — but go right ahead if it will make you feel better. I suppose I deserve it.” She closed her eyes then, unable to maintain an appearance of coolness any longer. Tears came to her eyes and she felt herself falling forward.

Then all at once Danny’s arms were around her and she was nestling her head to his chest. The tears flowed from her eyes and dampened the front of his shirt. He held her gently until she stopped crying, all the while stroking the firm flesh of her back through her blouse.

“God,” he whispered. “What’s the matter with me, Carla? I’m so much in love with you that I wanted to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing, baby. But what am I going to do now?”

He was still holding her and his voice was low and heavy. “It’s no use,” he said. “You should have let me kill myself. You should have left the gas on; it would have been a hell of a lot better that way.”

She freed herself from his embrace and stepped back, trying to speak through her tears. “If you’ll just let me explain, Danny. If you’ll just let me tell you what I’ve been trying to.”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I do! You don’t understand.”

“All right,” he said. “Go ahead.”

She took a deep breath. “You should have let me start at the beginning,” she said slowly. “I stayed at a man’s apartment last night, but I didn’t sleep with him. I slept all by myself.”

“You didn’t—” His eyes were wide with shock. She could see that he wanted to believe her but that his mind had adjusted itself so completely to what he thought was the case that it was hard for him.

“No,” she went on. “I slept alone. I went to his apartment because I couldn’t stand coming back here and I didn’t want to be alone. I had some thinking to do, Danny. I had a big decision to make.

“You see, I’ve had a pretty insecure life for a long time. My childhood was pretty rotten, and I tied up all this insecurity with the lack of money. It got to the point where money became tremendously important to me. I was so convinced that money would make me happy that, when I married Ronald and had money for the first time in my life, I actually believed I was happy.”

He nodded slowly, and she could see that he was beginning to understand what she was getting at. She wanted to stop and go to him, but it was important for her to get everything out into the open. She forced herself to continue.

“Then I met you,” she said. “I fell in love with you, Danny, and for the first time I discovered what true happiness could be. But the idea of the importance of money was so deeply imbedded in me that I couldn’t get it out of my head. And when you asked me to marry you and give up Ronald’s money, all I could see was the loss of a beautiful house and a wardrobe full of clothes. I couldn’t see the other things, the plus values that make a marriage real and vital.”

She stopped to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Last night I learned,” she said. “After I left you I was so torn in half by two choices that I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t come home, Danny. I couldn’t face Ronald and I didn’t want to be in this house for a little while. And I thought I’d go crazy all by myself in a hotel. I wanted to be with you, but you said you never wanted to see me again.”

“I didn’t mean that,” he said. “I was just so damned angry.”

“I know. But I didn’t want to go to a hotel or to my home and I couldn’t see you, so I went to a good friend of mine and he let me stay there. And I managed to figure out that money isn’t as important as I thought it was. Love is more important.”

His eyes were shining. “You mean—”

“I mean that I want to marry you now if you’ll still have me.”

She turned her eyes to the carpet and heard him say, “I’ll always want you, Carla. I guess I never stopped wanting you, not from the first moment I met you.” And then his arms went out to her and held her again.

His arms were a haven — strong and protective and tender at the same time. She wanted him to hold her forever, and she knew now that she would never permit him to let go of her.

“I was stupid,” she said after a few moments. “I should have known that inside I’ve wanted to marry you all the time. I should have—”

“I’m stupid, too,” he cut in. “I kept taking you for granted, baby. I never looked at your side of things. I wanted to marry you from the beginning, and I couldn’t see how you could look at things differently.”

“We’re both a little bit stupid, aren’t we?”

He nodded. “But we’re gonna act smart from now on. You’re getting a divorce as soon as you can and the day it’s final we’re getting married. Right?”

“Right,” she said solemnly.

“And in the meantime you can give me a kiss.”

“Kiss,” she intoned, lifting her mouth to his.

“That was good,” he said. “How about another?”

“Another,” she repeated. And she kissed him again.

Then she said, “Come upstairs, Danny. I want you, and I’m not waiting until the divorce to have you.”

“Well—”

“Don’t you want to?”

He grinned. “You twisted my arm, baby. Lead the way.”

It was cool upstairs in the bedroom and the large double bed was freshly-made with clean sheets. The pair undressed slowly but surely, and when Carla stood nude before him with her breasts firm and proud and her thighs rampant with animal lust, Danny let out a small sigh and reached for her.

She stepped back teasingly and a smile played with the corners of her mouth.

“Say ‘please’” she demanded.

“Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please—” He broke off and they both laughed. Then he held out his arms and she came in between them, hugging him close and pressing her breasts against him. He pressed her back to the bed and lay down beside her.

“Eight hours a day,” he whispered. “And seven days a week. Do you think you’ll be able to stand it?”

“Sure,” she said. “Do you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I wonder,” she said. “You might get tired of me, you know.”

“Not a chance.”

“I might bore you.”

“Never.”

“Eight hours a day?”

He nodded.

“Seven days a week?”

He nodded again.

“That’s pretty hard to believe.”

“It’s true, though.”

“You positive?”

He nodded.

“Really positive?”

He nodded again.

“I don’t believe it,” she said, giggling. “I think you better prove it to me.”

And he did.